Tandem the Spoony's Next Adventure [F/SN x CM(D&D)]

... would it be alright to assume that we passed our rolls with those results?

 

Actually....I don't know.

On one hand, we rolled very well even without modifiers, and with them we're awesome. On the other hand, Servants are bullshit and it would not surprise me in the SLIGHTEST if they got their own special modifiers to kick them over 100 semi-regularly. I mean, Saber dodged the undodgable shot in her first fight because she's that damn lucky.

 

We should probably finish the Grail War with: "I gained a real body at some point."

 

Yes.
YES!

 

Opposing Luck Check:

Saber: 1d100+4=8
Lancer: 1d100+1=32

Edit: Oh Christ; I knew it was going to be an asskicking the moment it became a NP roll using their Luck modifiers, which are nothing compared to yours. But I didn't expect this...

 

*jaw drops*

We really do have Spoony's luck.

Also, Lancer was luckier than Saber? Lulz.

 

Shouldn't he have Bard as one of his skills? Bardic magic and lore? Because that is a fairly large part of his mythos, and Lancer got Rune Magic.

I expect we'll predict the grail is secretly evil and or has a dark secret behind it. From pure genre savvy.

I kinda want to see him seduce ORT-tan, too.

You know an awesome boast to break out at some point? About something we did. How we are the best God. Against anyone but Gil, that is pretty much curbstomp. Even against Gil, it might work. I don't remember Gil ever soloing an actual God. Enkidu only goes so far, and we can likely break it if we have EX rank str anyway.

 

We're about to do a beatdown on two of the Knight classes, aren't we? Jeez. We may very well end up driving Arturia to backstab us at this rate.

All under Expert of Many Specializations. B+ baby, we're so much better off.

That....could have consequences, given the nature of the gods in the Nasuverse. Extensions of Gaia with worship from man.

Kinda surprised we don't have Divinity E- like Medusa, but Tandem wasn't the same kind of deity.

Good boasts that probably won't take too harsh a modifier to make true:

"My blade pierces all protections!" (Bye bye God Hand, Gil's Armor, any magic from Caster)

To Rider: "Why are you on my mount?! I shall reclaim what is mine and see you trampled beneath its hooves!"

"No Evil escapes my sight, for Evil trembles before my eye and is slain upon my blade!" (Everyone with an Evil alignment, sucks to be you. Hits about half the Servants in the war I think, not counting Masters.)

And of course, "I am the greatest swordsman in the world!" Special note because mother fucking Kojiro is in the world! If we haven't properly invoked it yet, do it soon so we get skills better than Kojiro's!

EDIT: Of course, if the effects of passing the check are only temporary, then getting too ambitious may be unwise.

 

Truly we are blessed!

 

What is archers luck rolls? Remember he is running into this battle near the end. >

 

This will be glorious.

 

Nah, Archer doesn't join THIS fight in canon. Saber pushes back Lancer, senses Archer approaching, runs off to deal with him before Saber and Shirou speak much.

Whether he will this time, questionable. Be pretty funny to see him come in after we're standing over Arturia and Cu's beaten bodies. We might even pull it off, even though Cu would normally probably beat feet.

Our NP might run out by the time Archer gets here though.

 

Alright assuming lancer and saber both teamed up on us we would still beat them by about 3x their combined score. Literally.

.... I'm kind of hoping some other poor schmucks show up so we can solo 3 servants at once. I'm pretty sure even Berzerker wouldn't be able to fight us and win in this situation. Though I expect if anyone showed up it would be poor archer and rin.

Alright I guess it is time to beat them like red headed step children. ) 8)

 

New boast: "I can beat multiple Servants at once!"

 

We can't beat Berserker without invoking Rumor To Reality, our A++ NP. That's pretty much a given, and once we get the opportunity we probably don't get the luck boost from the other NP anymore. We have nothing active at the moment that can pierce God Hand once, let alone multiple times, unless Ender rules raw stats being enough to do the job. If then, maybe.

Or if we kill Ilya. Then we could pull it off. Shirou has 3 "You my bitch now" commands to call in though. He did it for Rin, he'd probably do it for Tandem killing what looks like a little girl. If Tandem were willing to go that far so fast. Seems unlikely.

We've got SHIROU as a Master though. And we're not Arturia. Unless we recover our own prana in addition to Indepdent Action, the clock is ticking and prana is very valuable.

I am curious about Rumor To Reality though. How it works. If we can only have active at a time, or they fade after conditions are met or time has elapsed. And if we can invoke it to try and gain more prana, or make it so that Shirou is no longer a crap Master.

 

Technically speaking Berzerker's God Hand doesn't effect his eye's or mouth. Just his skin. http://typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/God_Hand

Also it say's on the wiki that A rank strength can effect him. So there is that. EX should be more then enough to get multi kills...

Ender has already mentioned this before in thread so I will just bring it up.

We can only have one "bluff" active at a time. They don't fade with time though if we make conditions in the bluff it might fade if the conditions are invoked. Its possible conditions could make bluffs easier to pull off in fact. So something to keep in mind I guess.

As for the last part... Ender hadn't said anything about that. Though that is a wonderfully delicious idea for the Rin and Shirou conversation coming up. Where in suddenly everyone sees shirou as a top tier magus, even himself. Don't know if it would work. It might but it would probably be harder to pull off, by a lot because its not spoony being effected.

------

Also I would like to point out that we have a high Charisma and actual freaking training in the arts of talking. Bluff, discernment of the poor, and Diplomacy at B rank. So I expect they would stack with our Charisma for social events. ... Which is kind of scary. High charisma is already bad enough already just by itself. With actual skill and training behind it that just gets worse... or better.


... Disguise. We are an absolute terror for this grail war. No seriously. We could have won the 3rd grail war rather easily with our skill set. That is just... impressive.

 

Huh, so he did. Noted, still pretty useful though. And as long as Kojiro is alive and our boast is Greatest Swordsman In The World, we really are absurdly skilled. Kojiro's skill alone won't beat all fights, but it is unbelievably good.

As for social matters.....questionable. Gilgamesh has that A+ Charisma too, but by and large he doesn't draw admirers from the opposing side. Even Rin's mostly transfixed by his wealth and has no real problems beating the crap out of him. And it mostly comes down to Gilgamesh being an asshole.

Going by Tandem/Spoony's thought process, he's not much better. From an outside perspective Rumor To Reality to become the best swordsman really is insufferably unfair to people who trained to get that good. Something tells Tandem ain't gonna be the most likable guy around, Diplomacy be damned. It's mechanically sound and powerful....but it's still Spoony guiding the ship.

 

I know it has consequences. But having Gaia give us backup and POWAH instead of trying to crush us would be a huge powerup.

Claim to be the best at seducing females. Seduce Gaia itself.

 

Us getting a power-up =/ Gaia doesn't try to crush us. Gaia may see, "Wait, he's not one of mine, yet he is....KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!" Like declaring ourselves King of the World doesn't mean Gilgamesh stops being King of the World. It means brain breakage as people wrap their heads around two Kings of the World.

Also, Gaia ain't female here. Gaia doesn't even have humanoid form or the ability to look small-scale, that's why she invited the Crimson Moon onto her to act as an immune system.

 

>claim to be the best at seducing females
> WITH A BARD

Redundant much?

 

Immediately you feel your other Noble Phantasm, Rumor to Reality, take effect; making your boast into reality. With skill you never had nor can even comprehend, you feel yourself truly live up to the claim of 'Greatest Swordsman in the World'. Bolstering your stats with the 'afterburn' of the invocation of Defiance of Fate that got you here to render your Agility and Endurance to match your ungodly luck. Already, you had a plan in the works and are about to put it to action.

First off; you were going to use your newfound master skill with the blade to escape from Saber's grasp, disarming her if possible. Or at the very least crippling her in some way as to make her fight against Lancer more fair once you've thrown some Glitterdust in his eyes with your left hand. With both sides fairly crippled; you plan on escaping out into the night, while they bother with one another. You'll scry the battle just to be safe, and to know who's out for your blood once it's over. If, for some reason, you can't escape; you'll just run circles around them and still have them do most of the fighting, then pick off the winner. Just nickle and dime them, float like a butterfly and sting like a bee; that sorta thing. And if that fails, you got your Boots of Teleportation on, so you can just GTFO the moment shit really hits the fan. But that was more of a desperation move than anything else; you can only use those things once a day, after all.

It looks like the other Servants are ready too; Lancer's about to charge in and Saber's preparing to strike at a moment's notice. The kid's looking at this all awestruck, but he's not in the way so it doesn't matter. A brief moment passes, barely a second of a stand off.

Then, like lightning everyone springs into action. You prepare to strike and cast your spell and...

...Slip on a oil puddle on the ground. Swinging your arms wildly to regain balance the rapier in your right hand manages to disarm Saber while then veering off to then stab Lancer right through the eye. Your left hand then casts Glitterdust and manages to hit Lancer right into the eyes, before fumbling and managing to grab the sword that went flying from the fumbling disarming you pulled off on Saber. Then, Lancer's spear fucking went more spastic then a gremlin hopped up on crack and went fucking zig-zagging all over towards and around you; and nailed Saber right in the heart. Yup, that fucker went clean through; damn, you don't even wanna know how that happened.

Not that Lancer got to see his kill, because right now he was screaming at the top of his lungs, "ARRGHHHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES! IT BURRRRRRRRRNSSSSSSSSS! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGUH! ASSHOLE! I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!!"

...Huh, apparently Glitterdust hurts like a bitch on open wounds; you learn something new everyday. Yeah, that can't possibly be good for a punctured eye. And being the Greatest Swordsman in the World means jack shit if someone has a fancy spear that insta-kills a motherfucker. Yup, time to get outta dodge.

You take a moment to notice the now very visible and not fakey-fake, make-believe sword that was Saber's. Huh, so it was invisible; that was kinda neat, if rather pointless. Might as well make yourself invisible if you were going for surprise tactics there. Kinda nice looking, what with the golden blade and blue inlay; simplistic yet regal. Pulls it off well.

And now it's yours, because she sure as hell doesn't need anymore. The moment you grab it; you feel a...connection, as if a thousand choirs of angels were singing hymns and playing chorales to Glory itself, and you were chosen to bear the very essence of it; of the very concept of 'Glory' made manifest. The sword felt right in your hands.

But...you put it into your Bag of Holding; you were specialized in lighter blades, short-swords and rapiers. While you weren't bad with a long-sword, you were just so much better with a rapier that it wasn't even a contest. Also, the rapier helps with the 'swashbuckling' look, which gets all the ladies.

Right, time to deal with your 'Master'; yeah, like hell you were calling him that. Kid look like he was two seconds from bolting and flipping the fuck out. You quickly cast Sleep on him, and he goes out like a light; followed up with a Invisibility on both yourself and him. Then you grab him and run as stealthily and fast as you can. As you're running, you comb your mind for any possible save haven or bolthole; something recognized in the rules in the War that was downloaded into your brain.

Finally, you get something; the Church and it's moderator, it's neutral ground. How it's maintained as neutral ground and not taken advantage of is unclear, but it's good enough for now. Now that you're here; time to slap the kid awake.

*Twack!* "Ah!" He snaps to attention, frantically looking around with wide eyes.

"Hey buddy, you alright? Were in a bit of a tough scrape there," you're calm and supportive; gentle even. If you want him to listen, you need him to calm down, "Don't worry, I got you out of there all right, and we're near neutral ground for this whole thing. Now, you know what you've gotten into here?"

"What? I...I have no idea what's going on; I almost thought it was a dream. Holy Grail War? Servant? What's going on? What happened to the girl that appeared too? What's going on?!"

Crap; he has no fucking idea what's going on, he's a civvie. Well, you can't really leave him to hang and dry; chances are Lancer saw him and his Master will eventually get that out of him, which means a throbbing, red spear to the kid's face. You also need a Master to stay here, but you can take some time to pick who you want. Well, time to try and ease him into this...

"Alright, I'm Tandem the Spoony; Servant Saber for this Holy Grail War. Do you remember the speech I gave earlier?"

"I'm Emiya Shirou, and yeah...yeah I remember it. So, a wish? A battle royale between heroes from the ages for a wish?!"

He looks dumbfounded by this, "Yeah, and it looks like you got enlisted as the final contestant. And you already have a Servant on your tail; Lancer. Chances are he's not going to let up on you since he knows that you summoned me," you sigh, "Look kid; I don't wanna drag you into this if you wanna bail, we're on neutral ground here at the Church. The moderator of the War is supposed to make sure that any disqualified Masters are safe and protected here. But given how these things work out; it's probably not as safe as it's made out to be, so I'll try to scope the area out and keep watch whenever I can. I got a fairly long leash when it comes to the whole Servant/Master thing, so looking out for the guy who bailed me out of that desolate hellhole is the least I can do."

"I...well I-" he pauses for a moment, then asks, "Wait; what do you mean not 'safe'?"

You shrug, "War is hell kiddo; seven people are fighting for the chance of a lifetime, to have their heart's desire granted. Most people, they're willing to cross a lot of lines to get that sort of thing. Hell, if there's been any odd incidents in town; it's probably one of the contestants doing something to stack the odds in their favor. I've seen some shit Shirou, and you can buy a lot with some magic, spilled blood, and lives. May be horrible and leave a mark on your soul forever; but for that chance to get a wish?" Again you shrug, "To have what they've always wanted given to them at last; it can drive a man to madness. Comrades turning on one another, sons killing fathers, priests forsaking their gods for demons; all for that one goal."

Hearing this, Shriou grows sombre and pensive. Finally, he answers; "Saber, what is your wish?"

"Heh, call me Tandem kid; and as for my wish?" You spread your arms wide, "I already got it; out of that forsaken Throne and in an actual world. I can drink, fight, and screw women as long as I want again; I can answer the call to adventure. I can go out and...be a hero again. That's all I really want. How about you?"

Shirou pauses, then says; "I...don't have a wish, but I don't want any innocents getting hurt because of this war. Already there have been reports of 'gas leaks' putting people into the hospital, but now that I know this; it has to be one of the Masters doing something. If I can do something to stop it; I will. So, I'll be you Master Tandem; and together we'll make sure the Grail doesn't fall into the wrong hands."

You can't help it, you begin laughing; "Ahahahaha! Boy; I knew there was something about you I liked! A born hero through and through; I can appreciate that in a man. But none of this 'Master' and 'Servant' stuff, alright? Here and now, we're partners. Agreed?" You hold out your hand.

Shiou grabs it and gives it a firm shake, "Agreed; so, what do we do from here?"

Well...
[X] Check in with the administrator, might as well know the guy meant to keep things nice and tidy in the battle royale
[X] Scry the shed; see what the aftermath of your 'brilliant' plan is.
[X] Head back to Shirou's home, you can plan in the morning.
[X] Write-in

 

Only one way to reply to this....

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

 

We stole fucking Excalibur?

....

Didn't see that one coming. I mean, considering how much damn prana it needs it may very well kill us if we invoke it, but still. Damn fine sword.

Also, Saber got hit right in the heart? Not a near miss as far as Tandem can tell, which is presumably pretty good? Whelp, she's dead! And if Lancer survived, odds are good Gilgamesh is now going to kill him.

Tandem's speech is definitely more refined than his thought process. Nice, nice.





[X] Check in with the administrator, might as well know the guy meant to keep things nice and tidy in the battle royale

My reason for this is simple: I want to report that Arturia was killed, the whole Servant Saber mix-up, and leave Lancer holding the bag and the first target when Gilgamesh goes berserk.

It sounds funny.

 

[X] Scry the shed; see what the aftermath of your 'brilliant' plan is.
Soooooo...Saber is dead.
Better luck next time!

 

Ender... you magnificent bastard. ) ;D

[X] Scry the shed; see what the aftermath of your 'brilliant' plan is.

 

...



[X] Scry the shed; see what the aftermath of your 'brilliant' plan is.

Knowledge is power in a grail war. Lets see how that Lancer guy handled being blinded. We can figure out what to do then.

So we stole Excalibur. Noice. Very Noice. >

And best of all we can pull off using it rather easily given we can artificially raise our mana level to EX level kind of at will. I'm betting we have quite the skill in Use Magic Device. Might want to have that listed Ender. Strictly speaking it is very relevant in this war. Kind of like the berserkers Eternal Arms Mastership from the third grail war but specced for magical items. Allowing us to activate and use them.

 

That happened because you grabbed the sword and the event being bolstered by the aftereffects of Defiance of Fate gave you the possibility of pulling this off, but not as a NP roll but a skill roll; using Use Magical Device and Luck as modifiers.

This is what the roll looked like at first:
1d20+118; need to roll a 36 to pass

Then Excalibur's resistance was factored in:
1d20+18; need to roll a 36 to pass.

Then I rolled. 20, you crit. The sword is fully yours now; you legend embodying 'Glory' far better than little miss fuckup ever did. So yeah; you can wield Excalibur now, even Excaliblast once before running on empty. You bastards.

Of course his speech is better than his thoughts; he's a bard. With 23 ranks in Diplomacy; he knows what he's doing.

And yeah, you saw the lance go right through the heart; even saw some heart-y bits on the spear-tip. You can identify it as parts of a heart using past experience as a guide.

 

I....I don't even...

...

Are you Spoony Ender? Because Jesus fuck. This already reads like a Tandem recount with all the glorious streaks of luck. Even without the NP helping!

 

No. Tandem's Luck is just so high that it reaches across the Kaleidoscope to this reality.

 

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE SPOONY TANDEM. That's what brought doom to the black dragon in the video recorded con game.