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Lovepoint33 aka Lovepoint FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

amazing autror

Currently threadbanned from Ack's magnum opus for attempting to sell harlots disguised as harlequins to forumgoers.



------


HAVE A FANFUCK:


i hate birbs
A SONIC FIC
BY LOVEPOINT33

CHAPTER 1: i hate birbs

"I hate birbs," Knuckles said, stroking his chimney. Then he exploded into a cloud of mould. Soon, baby echidnas would be growing out of trees everywhere.

---

Sonic walked down the end of the line. He sighed, as if he was a hundred years old. This was because he was a hundred years old.

"Tales," he said, adressing the gravestone behind him. "The Eggman is at it again."

Tails' grave said nothing, because grave dont speak - but sonic nodded anyway.

"Right." Sonic nodded. He had nodded twice thus far. "I'll stop him."

Then he ran away at 60 shekels per fargeg, or roughly 96 miles per hour. He couldn't run faste because he was a hundred years old.

Guns filled the air.

----

Upon the Eggship withing the Egg Moon orbiting the Egg Planet, circling aroun the Egg Star of the Egg System of the Egg Galaxy of the Egg Pocket Universe, the Eggman paced back and forth upon his Egg Carpet.

"It seems my plan has been discovered." It was discovered that he had a bitchin', 18th century scotts accent. Eighteenth century scots accents sound different from modern scots accents because the sound "eighteenth century" was added, and the sound "modern" it missing.

"I must stop the vile little shit." The eggman expressed his position with gentle, benevolent insistence.

----

Meanwhile, sonic leaned in front of a wall, panting. He couldn't scale it. He had leaned parkour to help deal with the consequences of his arthritis, but fuckin hell, t just wasn't enough any more. Blimey mate, 'es fuckin' done! Sonic is done!!!!!!!!!

!!?

At that moment a fairy carrying a jug of water labeled "jug of water" crashed into sonic! The jug broke into thousands of glass shards, lacerating sonic and reducing his body to meaty chunks. He died instantly and the fairy pissed on the bloodmeats and fomfed everywhere at once, then nowhere, disappearing in a puff of deus ex machina.

Lightning struck the spot where sonic died, and then sonic wasn't dead. He stood and he was fifteen years old,

and so,

sonic the hedghog set out to foil the robotnik plan

----------------
The last line should be read in Strawberry Clock's voice.




C2: Mom's payer!

--

"YOU MAY CALL ME TEFELOTH," Kunckles cried. "FIRST BEGOTTEN SON OF TEFLON AND SEPHIROTH!" He scratched his face, grinning wildly as he unshethed his sword and exploded heaven.

---

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Sonic shouted with explosive joy. "CHILLLLLIIIIIIII DOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGSSSSSS!"

...this is too stupid for the narrator. let's find someone else.

---

Tails rotted silently beneath the ear -

No.

---

Amy mouldered gen -

Not that one.

---

Snively sat atop a skyscraper, not so much as shivering as his trillion clones sent back the sensations of rape -

Oh FUCK that.

---

Monkey D. Luffy sat atop a skyscraper smoking a cigar made out of the souls of his dead crewmates. It was the hard-boiled thing to do, and he was a hardboiled sort of guy. Liquid grit exuded from his very pores. It was a disease that Chopper could have cured, but alas!

Luffy was smoking Chopper.

...you know what, fuck it. This is good.

Behind him, a door opened, and Larry Page walked out of the hellevator, ready to give Luffy a lecture.

"Listen up," Larry.

Luffy replied, "I'm a hard boiled guy!"

"Wonderful," Larry. "Now listen -"

"I'm a HARD BOILED guy!" Luffy declared.

"that's great, so -"

"I." Luffy turned around, and his expression was locked in a rictus of fetid insanity. "AM." He reached out with a fist smeared with the ashes of Roronoa brand cigarillos. "A."

"Schopenhauer has a command for you!" The Google Man said, his voice panicky.

Luffy froze. "Schopenhauer?"

"Yes! Yesyesyes!" Larry couldn't get enough air. The entire world was made out of sculpted air but -

"Enumerate command parameters," Luffy said, his voice utterly flat, and devoid of inflection.

"Yes!" Larry squeaked. "Schopenhauer commands you to go aid Robotnik and stop Sonic the Hedgehog™©® from foiling his schemes!"

"UNDERSTood." Luffy aid, smiling, as he mumbled, "I am a hard boiled guy."

Lurrfy tore himself out of the universe, leaving a luffy-shapped hole in the air.

Slowly, the google CEO calmed down.


'I wonder if it matters that I used the name Robotnik instead of eggman?' He wondered. 'Naaaaah.'
----



C3: Megawrath.

Robotnik lay on the robotnik-rug. He was dead. He had been dead for a hundred and eleven years. Suddenly, the air shattered and Monkey D. Luffy stood over the robotnik corpse, smoking a cigar made of Nico Robin's last hope.

She had been hoping that Luffy murdering her crewmates was a nightmare. She knew it wasn't.

"Good day, sir," Luffy rumbled to the corpse. "I have been instructed by Lord Schopenhauer to help you attain your goals!"

The rotty robody said nothing, and decomposed a little bit more. Luffy contemplated this for a transfinite amount of time. Then, suddenly, the fires of enlightenment danced inside :uffy's eyes.

"I see!" He declared, lucidly. "You wish for the world to decay....!" He trembled. "That is... SO HARD BOILED! I LOVE IT! I'll help with all my efforts!"

Robotnik said nothing. "No, no, of course you're too reserved, sir, I understand, I understand, yes," Luffy muttered, his eyes sparkling with the ochre bloom of iridescenent all-encompassing, soul-destroying, reality-raping, and neigh-unto universe-erasing madness. "I'll get to it right away!"

Luffy tore himself out of the universe with a muffled whoompf.

Robotnik continued to decay.

---

Knuckles climbed out of a box. The box untied itself into infants. They cheered.

---


C4: Mushrooms are screaming at my face.


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Ever notice how by drinking water, you're making a really fucked up kind of tea, then raping it?