OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Croc being a bro is a new take for me.

 

There have been several comics about Croc showing a more human side for a few decades now, since the nineties. All in all he's one of the Batvillains with the most pet the Dog moments, and it helps that he had a sympathetic background and is less of a scheming sadist than Scarecrow or Joker, more like a guy who tends to lash out in anger.

 

Race Issues.

She showed up the next afternoon. There was a large whoosh of wind coming from above while Misora swept the front entrance of the church, and when she looked up, she first saw her.

She was gorgeous, like Iinchou but with a somewhat fuller figure and bigger muscle definition, and a bit shorter but much wavier hair.

"Ah..." Misora said, impressed. "W-Welcome..."

"Nice to meet you," the girl in the red cape said. "You are Kasuga Misora?"

Nod, nod!

"Batman said you wanted to see me," the girl hovering over her said. "How can I help you?"

"Ah, ah, Batman-sama, sure, yeah," Misora said. "Um, we don't know each other all that well, I only have seen him thrice, once in Kyoto, once in the Festival, and once in Old Ostia, so I didn't think he'd tell you... I only made a casual commentary..." She bowed very deeply. "Please forgive me for taking time away from you!"

"No problem, the Society sent me to help with your rebuilding," the blonde said, landing on her feet before Misora. "Don't be so nervous! I don't bite!"

Misora blushed a bit and rasped into a fist. "I know! I'm not nervous or scared or anything!"

The young nun breathed deeply. "Like I told Batman-sama that last time... I didn't know what I'd do after coming back. I mean, about my passion. My passion, you'll see... it's running. And then I became much faster than I ever dreamed of being. And, in Mundus Magicus, I became even faster..."

"I see," the Supergirl said. "But I don't understand what does that have to do with me..."

Misora sighed. "Once I came back and tested myself against those I used to run against, I confirmed my fears. I can't compete anymore, because it's no contest. Not even with Asuna. Asuna, you'll see, is my friend, the one who--"

"The Twilight Princess?"

Misora groaned. "We don't call her that! She doesn't like it. Anyway, the only one who can give me a race is Negi-kun when he's going all out, but... that's not enough..."

"I see."

"So..." Misora lowered her gaze shyly and dragged a foot around, "I was wondering if--"

Supergirl took her cape off and handed it to Misora. "Put it somewhere safe. It tends to rip apart when I go too fast."

Misora's face lit up. "Thank you!" she said, grabbing the red cloth and racing inside with it. When she came back, half a second later, the shiny white sneakers were on her feet. "Okay! Okay, now this is exciting! Oh gosh! I'm going to race against Superman's--!"

"Just a few races and then I have to go help the rebuild crews, okay?" Kara asked.

"Alright, alright! Sure thing!" Misora said eagerly as they took positions, one next to the other. "From Neo-Tokyo Tower and back, is that fine with you?!"

"That close?" Kara smiled. "A lot of speed but no endurance, right...?"

"Pfft!" Misora said. "This is just for the first go, because I'm testing you!"

"Whatever you say," the blonde smirked, and then shouted, "GO!"

Two bolts of motion shot forward with matching bursting booms.

The dirt under their feet burned.

Kasuga Misora was happy again.

 

I'd like to write a story about someone taking baby Negi from his birthplace (for the purposes of this continuity it's in Mundus Magicus, where Arika is assumed dead), then through Japan and America until arriving to Wales so he can be given to Nekane and her father.
Along the way this person is chased by Nagi's enemies and meets several URAE cast members (as they were 10 years ago) who will meet Negi in the future, but who here for the most part have no idea about who he is other than a baby in the run for some reason. Only ones I have decided for sure yet are the obligatory first meeting with Child! Chisame when she's still only a little girl, the obligatory rush through Fuyuki's Fourth Grail War (but Kiritsugu is too busy to help) and the obligatory Gotham run with cameos of a 'Year One' Batman and Joker who are just starting over.
This person would have to be someone who can play a convincing underdog, someone like Takahata would handle it too easily. Any ideas?

 

Childhood Trauma.

"This," Ayaka smiled sadly, placing a hand on the closed door, "is my little brother's room. My mother was never able to have another child, and so... I suppose I've been missing that part of my life ever since."

Hanezono Hakari was deeply moved. "Ayaka-san!" she told her fellow ojou. "I had no idea! You must have suffered so much! I never felt I needed a sibling, but I understand that all of us have different nee--"

"Hey, Onee-chan," a little blonde girl waved casually, passing by. "You've made another new friend? Cool! Bring her to the pool and we'll talk there, okay?"

Hakari gave Ayaka a bewildered glare. "Sister?!"

"Yes, my sister Mizore. My father's daughter by another woman. What of it?"

Hakari pointed at the closed door. "You just told me that you've been broken for years because you never could have another sibling!"

"No, no, I never said 'sibling'!" Ayaka told her. "I said 'brother'! I always wanted a brother, specifically...!"

---

"And what did you do?" Karane asked her.

"Nothing!" Hakari moaned. "I still can't figure out if I want to be angry at her or admire her principles...!"

 

The World Above.

They sat on the rooftop of The Planet, looking up at the sky.

The night was quiet for once, and the starry extension was clear.

"You knew all this time, didn't you?" Lois asked. "About Mars."

Superman sighed. "I knew the basics. I'm not all that close to any of the mystics, and they don't like talking about that kind of thing."

Lois closed her eyes and shook her head. "People are just starting to accept aliens and mutants, and now they'll get this dropped on them. And they trusted you, not to keep secrets like this from them. Are you going to lie to them on the subject?"

"No," Superman said. "No, of course I won't."

"Miss Lane, take it easy," Jimmy said, unwrapping another sandwich. "It wasn't his place to tell everyone..."

"I know that, and you know it," the woman said, "but it'll take them a while to understand. It won't be easy."

"That's what I'm counting on you and Perry, and Clark, and everyone else, to help me with this," Superman said. "It won't be easy, no, but no worthy cause ever is. They'll need to learn to accept each other."

"Sure thing," Jimmy said after another bite. "Talking about Clark, I wonder what's taking him so long?" He checked his phone. "He hasn't answered yet..."

"Are they like Zatanna?" Lois asked.

Kal laughed. "No, of course most of them aren't... But most of them are good people, from what I know. Just like everyone."

"Right. Just like everyone," Lois said.

"I wouldn't do what I do," Superman said, "if I didn't believe that. From now on, I'll fight for them too. But I won't ever stop fighting for you either."

"Just don't over exert yourself," she warned him. "Remember, you're as vulnerable to magic as anyone else. They have an edge against you, right there."

"I know..."

He stood up. "I'm needed. I'll be back as soon as I can."

And he zoomed up, up, and away, faster than a speeding bullet.

Lois kept on staring after his trail of red and blue, until it dissipated faintly in the nocturnal air.

"He'll be fine," Jimmy reminded her, finishing the sandwich. "He's Superman!"

And he pulled another sandwich out of his bag. "Want one?"

Lois sighed and accepted it. "Thank you, Jim. You sure know how to make anyone's worries disappear. You're a real mage, you sure you weren't born up there?"

"Well, I'd like to think I did some magic with my homemade mayonnaise here."

She took a first bite and winced. "Well. It has an otherworldly taste, I can't deny that..."

 

That is my Fetish.

Chisame walked into the room and saw Negi sitting at a corner, cuddled up into a ball, and taking his hands to his head.

"Now what happened to you?" she asked.

Negi's phone, resting on the nightstand, rang.

Negi shuddered vigorously.

Chisame frowned and went to pick it up.

"No!" Negi gasped, trying to reach for her. "No, please don't!"

"Who is that?" Chisame asked curtly into the phone.

"Chisame?" Nodoka's voice asked. "Negi-sensei is there?"

Chisame looked at Negi, who made frantic signs of 'NO!' to her.

"No, he isn't home," Chisame told Miyazaki. "What should I tell him?"

"Ah, please tell him that Yue, Kotaro-kun and I want to hear his answer on what we asked him," Nodoka said. "We've waited for it long enough..."

Chisame cut the call short and glared at Negi. "What is the meaning of this?"

Negi trembled. "Uguuuuuuu!"

Chisame approached him. "Come on! How bad can it be?"

"They... They want me t-t-to kiss Nodoka-san... while Kotaro and Yue watch on..." Negi whimpered.

Chisame raised an eyebrow.

"They want to watch as my hands roam all over her body... and she touches me everywhere..." Negi related, "They say they really, really, seriously are into that kind of thing, but I know it's wrong, and I know that you'd hate it too..."

"... touching you... everywhere...?" Chisame wondered aloud, glasses fogged up, and then she pulled on her collar and let some steam blow out.

---

Chisame, Yue and Kotaro sat together, watching on, fascinated, while Nodoka and Negi kissed violently, hugging and caressing each other.

Haruna walked in. "Nodo-chan, Yuecchi! You'll never guess who I ran into in my way-- Aaaahhhhhh! Not fair, you beat me to it?! Stupid Rito-chan! You made me sneeze and lose!"

Matoi sighed and stood from where she'd been sitting behind Chisame. "This is surprisingly boring. I'm going to watch The Squid Game."

 

The Nature of Art.

"Haruna-san!" Setsuna said, entering the studio. "I brought you some melon bread from Ojou-sama, she heard you were--"

She stopped, seeing Haruna well asleep at her drawing board. "Huh! I suppose she couldn't meet the deadline. Poor Haruna-san..."

She looked at the script and layouts. "This doesn't seem too difficult! Maybe I can finish it for her."

Gently, she picked Paru up, set her on the couch, rolled her sleeves up, and began finishing the work...

---

"What?!" Hiyori asked. "Paru-chan is in the hospital!?"

Hikaru-senpai nodded. "She fell asleep while meeting the latest deadline, and then Sakurazaki-kun came in and finished the book for her."

Hiyoru blanched out. "How... How bad is it?"

Hikaru held the open doujin in front of her. "See it for yourself."

Hiyori winced. "Aaaaaahhhh! This is very bad! Unbelievably bad...! And Paru had a crisis when she saw the result?"

"No, she had the crisis when this just turned out to be our best seller to date. It sold out in the first day, and I've just ordered a sequel. You'll be doing the lettering for Sakurazaki-kun..."

 

To Reach Eden, Live with Zero Regrets continuation.

---


One month later, this happened:

"And... And what did she do then?" Hasegawa Chisame asked, dreading the answer. She, along with Matoi, Negi, Chamo, Sora, Chizuru, Ayaka, Natsumi, Misora, Cocone, Mana, Asakura and Sayo in her gigai body, stood in the wide fields surrounding the World Tree, waiting for the ship to return as agreed in the calls to Lala.

Chizuru shrugged, keeping her arms folded. "What else could she do? She left, and asked us to call her back as soon as you returned, through Lala-senpai. I don't believe she'll be too pleased when she learns that none of you are Chiu, however."

"She seemed rather convinced about it," Asakura added, looking directly at Chisame in a way that made the younger Hasegawa nervous. "I wonder what made her alien detectors fail like that?"

"Who... Who knows?" Chisame rasped. "This school is just weird like that! The magic fields screwed her electronic search up, or something like that!"

Playing along with a quiet sigh, Negi said, "We can't say for sure until we've seen this Rebecca-san's instruments. All the same, I'm still not convinced about this. I don't think we can learn anything from her that we couldn't already have learned from Skuld or Lala-san."

"From her, no, but she can take you anywhere in the Galaxy, and if what Sextum said is true, the key to the Lifemaker's origins, and how to defeat her, may come from beyond this world," Mana said. Her devil eye glowed then. "She's coming. Anyone having second thoughts now would better go back home now."

"That means you, Misora, Sora-neesan," Kazumi chuckled.

"Funny..." Sora frowned, pushing her glasses up her blushing face. And then she had to gasp, for even after seeing so many things in Mundus Magicus, things defying any rational and logical explanation, a true alien landing was still a new scene for her to behold.

Just like in the story the girls left behind had shared with them, the black and white ship had just appeared in the nocturnal skyline, descending gradually towards them. Matoi clung onto Chisame's arm, and Cocone did the same with Negi's, making Misora frown a little.

Negi frowned, subtly pulling Chisame and Cocone back with him, and the rest of the girls following his example to allow the ship a wider landing angle. When the space vehicle finally stopped moving, resting on the grass, it took a moment before its main door slid open, and out stepped Rebecca, wearing very short and tight black shorts, a form fitting long sleeved shirt that remarked her large bust nicely, and tall shiny black boots. Ayaka gasped quietly, used as she was to perceive any new female arrival as a potential rival, but much to her relief, Negi did not seem particularly struck when she gave him a fleeting look.

"Wow, the trip was definitely rougher this time..." the newcomer was saying, walking down the ramp until she stood on the green field, and then she smiled and threw herself to hug Chizuru, patting her back vigorously. "Chizuru, it's nice to see you again! You too, Kazumi! And you, Mana! Where's everyone else?"

Asakura smiled back, shaking her hand. "Well, we've just been handed a lot to do collectively, Becky!" she said. "Negi-kun here will explain it. Negi-kun, this is Rebecca Bluegarden, here as promised! Do we deliver or what? Becky, this is Negi-kun..."

"Oh, so you're Negi! It's a pleasure!" the gorgeous blonde said, not even daring to mention how he was much shorter and smaller than she'd thought. "Good to see you could make it back from that trip of yours, the girls here were all really worried!"

"The pleasure is all mine, ma'am," the boy said and bowed deeply. "Please meet some other students of mine. Hasegawa Chisame, Kasuga Misora, Yukihiro Ayaka, Murakami Natsumi and Aisaka Sayo. This is Chamo, my oldest friend," he added, pointing at the white ermine sitting on his head, "and these are Cocone Fatima Rosa, Misora's roommate, and Hasegawa Sora, Chisame's older sister."

"I'm Hasegawa Matoi, Chisame-sama's fiancee. My pleasure," Matoi bowed as well.

"Hasegawa?!" Chisame growled. "You've been taking a lot of liberties of late, Tsunetsuki!"

"Ah, that's right, sorry, you were here," Negi said blandly.

Matoi nodded in a firm way. "Yes, always."

"Rebecca, the ship's fully stabilized now!" a small bipedal blue cat said, hopping out of the ship and skipping over to her side. "We have enough fuel left for the trip back and then some, too!"

"Ahhh!" Chisame gasped, while the eyes of Chamo, Negi, Misora, Natsumi and Ayaka widened considerably. "Happy?!"

The blue cat blinked. "Eh? Ah, aye, that's my name. Do you know me?"

"What are you doing here, Happy-san, you shouldn't even be able to leave Mundus Magicus!" Natsumi said. "Were you given an artificial body?!"

The cat blinked while Rebecca frowned, confused. "What are you talking about? This is a robot body, yes, but it's been that way for years now..."

Mana sighed. "Sensei, Chisame, this isn't the same Happy," she said. "Incredible as it may seem, it's just an identical blue cat with the same name."

"What? Don't give us that!" Misora said. "What are the odds?!"

"I'm sure there's a rational, even if probably decadent, reason for this," Cocone said in her usual detached tone. "A gripping saga of Happy's parents having free loving adventures across the galaxy..."

"I wouldn't read that," Chamo said, wincing.

"Happy Habits, coming to you from Darkenning-sama this summer," Cocone said.

Chamo took both 'hands' to his head. "Nooooo, don't say that, not even joking! I don't want to imagine it...!"

Rebecca blinked. "Another... Happy?" And then her eyes lit up so brightly, and she gave a small jump in place, breasts bouncing. "That sounds so wonderful...! Two Happys together, that would be just so cute...! You must introduce him to me! But first things first!" She grinned. "Take me to Kakizaki Misa, also known as Chiu!"

"Ah, well, yeah," Chisame hewed uneasily. "About that...!"

 

Darkness Meets Golden Darkness.

Rito smiled at Yami as she exited the room. "Well?" he asked. "What did you think about Lalatina-san?"

"I'll have to think of a new codename," Yami grouched softly. "I feel dirty calling myself a Darkness now..."

 

"Oh, so that's the way it is!" Rebecca said. They all were sitting under the wide shade of the World Tree now. "That's odd, my search instruments never were wrong before. Are you sure absolutely none of you are Chiu?" she added, looking directly into Chisame's eyes while saying this.

Chisame felt herself sweating, but kept on her poker face. "Yes... We're very sure. Maybe it's someone else on another floor of the building?"

"Anyway, Miss Rebecca..." Negi said, clearly discontent at having to keep that lie, "we were wondering if you could help us look for clues on a certain person's origins by taking us into outer space, and in return, we'll help you finding out Chiu's identity, and also repaying you in any additional way you can think of."

"Any way?" Rebecca smiled. "Why, Professor, you shouldn't make that kind of grand and sweeping offers! I might turn out to be a bad person!"

"Yeah, that's why this guy needs a lot of life experience before he can take on his role as a prince negotiating world saving deals," Chisame said. "But we can pay you, he's just received a large royal heritage. Of course, Earth or Martian money might not line up all that well with the credit system you guys use, but Lala's willing to pitch in too..."

"We'll be glad to help the friends of the Deviluke princess, we'd be fools not to!" Rebecca said and held her hands up before them. "That's no problem! How long is the trip going to be, though?"

"Only a few days, no longer than a week," Ayaka said. "We're just back from a long vacation trip, after all, but Sextum-san can replace Sensei during that time, so that's not a major problem..."

Kakizaki Misa's long-drawn moan of anger was heard in the distance.

Happy and Rebecca blinked several times, startled. "What was that?!" they said.

"Nothing," Ayaka said. "Thank you so very much, Rebecca-san. There's room in your ship for all of us, right?"

"We'd be a bit cramped, but for a week or so, that shouldn't be that much of an issue," Rebecca said.

Matoi smiled, hugging Chisame's arm. "Being cramped in a tight space with Chisame-sama is perfectly fine with me!"

Chisame groaned. "Why am I embarking on another trip into the unknown with you people so soon after that disaster?! Why don't I learn my lesson?!"

"I'm not missing out on the exclusive this time!" Asakura grinned, running an arm around the smiling Sayo's shoulders. "Outer space! The final frontier! I'm going to see so many fascinating things and meet so many incredible people, I can hardly wait!"

"The trick is making sure that at no point nothing and no one lays any eggs inside of you wherever you go," Rebecca lectured. "Keep in mind, like with anything else, there's good people and bad people anywhere in space, regardless of the planet."

"Except the Skrulls. Skrulls are all bad!" Happy said.

"Lyja isn't all that bad..." Rebecca said.

"Skrulls are all bad!" Happy insisted.

"Oh, come on, Happy, don't be racist before Princess Lala's friends, you're leaving a bad impression!"

"Are you sure you're Rebecca?" the cat asked. "What if you're a Skrull pretending to be Rebecca?!"

"HAPPY!"

"..." Negi said. "Anway, most of us have some experience with spaceship travel. We spent some time as the crew of a Gummi Ship..."

"A what?" Happy asked.

"Long story," Natsumi sighed.

"We understand. We've had a few long stories of our own after all," Happy said. "Like the time Rebecca entered a beauty contest and-"

"You said it yourself, it's a long story and the point of long stories is that they can't just be told just like that!" a blushing Rebecca interrupted him.

"You are a lot like the Happy-san we know," Sora said. "In more ways than one..."

 

With a Heavy Heart, but a Light Soul.

"It's hopeless, isn't it?" Itoshiki asked as Negi sat beside his bed.

The young man sighed. "Sensei, please..."

"That's okay," the other man told him. "I won't make a drama about it. Not this time."

"We have the best doctors at hand," Negi told him. "The best your family's money can buy, and Ayaka's, and Chizuru's, and Ostia's. Even Lala-san has promised she'll have specialists brought from Deviluke. You won't escape us so easily."

Itoshiki smiled at him. "But you know even that is useless. You have looked at my case, and researched on it. Of course you would. It's what you do."

Negi looked troubled. "When we first met," he said after a while, "you mentioned that your father had brought a curse of immortality upon you, to save your life as a baby."

"A move brought from love and from the selfish need to keep an heir, after the failures of Mikoto and Kei," Itoshiki reminisced, nodding. Even this simple effort seemed to give him great pain, as his bones creaked and crunched.

"You also mentioned how this curse brought unhappiness to the receiver in trade for invulnerability," Negi said, gaze low, "but that it could be broken through a condition. You always refused to elaborate on it, and I respected that wish. I could have looked into it long ago, you know."

"Yes, naturally you could," the black haired man said. Although most of his hair was prematurely gray now. "You're Negi Springfield, after all. An impossible feat. Only that could undo the curse."

"The highly unlikely act of breaking through the supernatural misery itself," Negi sniffled, grabbing his friend's weak hand, "would also shatter the other aspect of the spell. A full cancel... with all that implies."

As best as he could, Itoshiki squeezed his hand. That, too, hurt him. "You, Ai, Matoi-kun, Fujiyoshi-kun, everyone... You have made me happy. That is more than I could have ever expected from life. For that, you'll have my eternal thanks."

Negi began crying. "We... We have killed you..."

"No," Nozomu told him. "You have given me life."

He passed away quietly, just two days later. It surprised Chisame and everyone else, how quickly it happened. It was as if he had collapsed from inside out, totally, in less than one week.

Ai wept for hours at the ceremony, refusing to let go, and begging for his forgiveness, time and time again.

Eventually, Tsunetsuki managed to calm her enough. With a hand on her shoulder, and a sweet whisper of "He's not in despair anymore," she was able to lead her away, taking her back to the others.

But the last one to leave was Kafuka, still looking at the grave, silent and strangely pensive. She only smiled when she felt good and ready for it, melancholically.

"Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei," she told him lovingly, and then she, too, turned and walked away.

 

Adventure Crime (against Music).

"Lady Marceline?" Negi asked cautiously, walking into the music studio she'd been given by the Mahora staff. "Did you want to see me?"

"Oh, hey, Negi!" The pale, thin and black haired female gave him a friendly wave of a hand. "Just call me Marceline, do I call you Prince Negi? I wanted to see if you were willing to help me in a jam, Eva said that you had a unique singing voice."

"She... She did that?" the boy blinked. "Um, yes, I've been told that, but... probably not in the way you are thinking. I'm not that much of a singer, actually..."

"Don't be so humble, you have a nice speaking voice, and I once heard your mom singing, she was wonderful at it!" She threw a microphone at him, which he caught easily in a hand. "C'mon, if I like what I hear, we might give a short Academy City tour so I can get to know Vetus better!"

He blushed. "That'd be nice, but I'm a bit busy with other things right now, and--"

"I know, I know, but you wouldn't believe the good publicity music can buy you! The rich and famous love that!" She grabbed her guitar and grinned at him. "Whaddya lose by trying? If you've got any talent at all, I can sharpen it so you're as good at singing as with everything else!"

Negi smiled back. "Okay. For my mother's legacy!"

"That's the spirit!"

One hour later, someone knocked at the front door of Evangeline's cabin.

Chachamaru and Karin, fully armed, opened the door and stood their ground, ready to launch a full defense.

Marceline stood there, with her hideous monster face on, huge fangs sprouting from every corner of her mouth, and blood flowing profusely from her ears.

"Where is that damned witch...!? I'll teach her to play practical jokes on me...!"

 

Somnolent Habits.

"Well, Negi-kun," Tenchi smiled as the men prepared their futons. "This time there's no risk of having you getting into a girl's bed during the night!"

Negi looked around, at Keiichi, Itoshiki, Shirou, Rentarou, Issei, Ranma, Araragi, Nariyuki, Saito, Mamoru and Keitaro, and smiled. "Indeed!" he told Tenchi. "Ah ha ha, I guess that's a good thing about male bonding retreats!"

When they woke up in the morning, they found Negi still sound asleep, in Ranma's futon, with his head pillowed on Ranma-chan's breasts, and a large spilled bucket of water by their side.

"This kid's more clever than we had given him credit for," Ranma-chan said.

 

Of Chuuni and Monsters.

"I've always wondered, Medusa," a fascinated Ritsuka said, "how do you manage having your chains hiss as if they were snakes?"

The Rider smiled mysteriously. "That is a secret, Master. Maybe, someday, I might be persuaded to--"

Euryale and Stheno approached. "What, a mystery? Hardly!" Euryale laughed. "It's just ventriloquism!"

Ritsuka blinked. "Ventriloquism? When did she learn ventriloquism? And why?"

"Well, it was very lonely in the island and someone had to entertain us." Stheno pulled an ugly patchwork doll from somewhere. "Come on, Meduseless! You know what to do!"

The Rider sighed sadly. "As you wish, Sister..." she said, sitting down and putting the doll on her knee.

Ritsuka thought her act was incredibly lame, humor-wise, but there was no denying her technique itself was flawless.

 

Unlimited Bullsh*t Works.

Rin sighed. "Negi-sensei, Boy we Have no Real Connection With At All, you're good friends of Emiya-kun, so we need to tell you this. Sakura and I are going to have Emiya-kun's children."

"Eeeeeh?!" Negi gasped, while Kotaro blinked several times. "How?! How did that come to happen?!"

Sakura looked aside uneasily while Rin began explaining. "You'll see, while you and the rest of Ala Alba were away, we had to fight Gilgamesh, the First and King of Heroes. Who, um, wasn't all that heroic. We had to recharge the mana of Saber and Monster urgently, moreso than usual, and so we had to resort to emergency measures! We put our hands on Emiya-kun's chest, and so we summoned a lot of glowing green dolphins flying all around us, and Saber and Monster's mana were restored, and we got pregnant with Emiya-kun's babies!"

"Ohhhhh, so that's how it's done!" Negi said, awed.

Kotaro smiled. "I always knew all of that stuff about storks was a big load of lies!"

"Ah-ha-ha, yes!" Rin laughed rigidly.

After a moment, both boys lost their smiles.

"You really should have put condoms on those delphins, however. As your teacher, I am very disappointed," Negi said sternly.

Rin and Sakura facefaulted.

 

The Questions Nobody Asks.

Rentarou and his girls were leaving the haunted house, chatting excitedly among themselves.

Just as they were leaving, however, Misa grabbed Rentarou by an arm and pulled him back.

"Senpai, before you go away," she told him in a low voice, "I have been wondering about something, and I'd like an answer, please."

Rentarou blinked. "Um, sure, what is it?"

"Those girls fall in love with you through a first look, right?" Misa said. "So what if a girl fated to be with you dies in a trafic accident, and her eyes are saved and then used later for a transplant? Will the receiver fall in love with you forever? Even if that person is a tall bald trucker or something like that?"

"...!" Rentarou said.

---

"Rentarou, dear," a worried Hakari said over the table of the Ice Cream Emporium. "Do you feel well? You haven't touched your banana split!"

"I... I'm fine, really..." the young man said in a hollow voice. "It's just that the haunted house scared me more than I thought at first..."

"If you don't want it, it can't be let go to waste," Kurumi said, taking a first, very large spoonful from it into her mouth. "Aaaahhhhhh! You're the best boyfriend!"

 

Survivor’s Guilt.

“Are you sure,” Akashi-sensei asked, “that this will work out?”

Caster nodded. “Yes, Master. As you can see, I just made my wish to be human again, and nothing bad happened. I’ve purged Angra Mainyu’s influence from it. Now it’s your turn, to ask for what your heart yearns the most.”

He smiled, and then outstretched an open hand, almost touching the pulsing Grail. “I wish,” he said tenderly, “for Yuuko to have survived instead of me.”

Medea nodded several times, startled, but before she could start to protest, a woman with long, dark brown hair was standing where Akashi Wataru had stood moments ago.

“Oh… Oh,” the other woman said softly, blinking a few times. “He… He did it, didn’t he? And it worked, just like he wanted…”

They watched the Grail vanish in nothing but an ethereal poof of green sparkles, and then Akashi Yuuko told Caster, regretfully. “I’m so sorry, Caster-san. I’m really sorry.”

The sorceress just stood there, feeling the tapestry of reality redoing itself in accordance to his last wish, and then she smiled, remembering the night Yuuko had found her, lost, scared and dying in the rain.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Master,” she said, before grabbing the woman and kissing her.

… Not so Guilty Feeling After All.

“Are you sure,” Akashi-sensei asked, “that this will work out?”

Caster nodded. “Yes, Master. As you can see, I just made my wish to be human again, and nothing bad happened. I’ve purged Angra Mainyu’s influence from it. Now it’s your turn, to ask for what your heart yearns the most.”

He smiled, and then outstretched an open hand, almost touching the pulsing Grail. “I wish,” he said tenderly, “for Yuuko and me to have survived…“

---

Akashi-sensei lay naked in bed, with a naked Yuuno kissing him from a side, and an also nude Caster at his other side, remembering that night the Akashis had found her, lost, scared and dying in the rain.

“Well played, Masters,” Medea said, admitting defeat gracefully. “Very well played.”

 

Brilliant Years.

The young man was crossing the borders of Mahora now, heading towards the West.

The West was calling to him, no, demanding for him. There was so much to do. A lifelong quest waited for him.

Despite everything, he smiled. There was nothing to regret.

This was something that had already been built up, something that the boy would build using all his life.

It would be a good life.

"At some point, we're going to take a bus, right? Or a train?" he heard Rin's voice asking. "How long do you plan to just keep on walking?"

He turned around, startled. "Aaaahhh! You were here?!"

"Yes, always," Matoi said, standing behind Chisame, who in turn stood next to Negi, who also stood by Ayaka with Natsumi and Chizuru by Ayaka's other side, and so on. "We aren't just going to let you march into the desert to your death alone, are we, Emiya-kun?"

Shirou facepalmed hard.

"We owe Saber-san this much..." Asuna said, while Sakura nodded very quick and very stiffly, with very wide eyes.

"All of you have better things to do here and elsewhere!" Shirou said.

"Oh, Negi-kun can keep on working on establishing world relationships and negotiations while traveling the world!" Yuuna said. "This is the era of online work after all, distances are meaningless! Besides, I really want to go to Istanbul. All of that stuff involving my mom, you know."

"Or," Rin said, "you could swallow your pride, accept being my assistant, and come with me to Clock Tower."

"I think I talk for everyone when I say we'd rather go deal with terrorists than with the Magic Association," Haruna said.

Shirou sighed, turned back, and started walking again. "The path is long," he warned.

"I know, I saw the Unlimited Blade Works epilogue too," Haruna nodded.

"Yeah, well, about that train or bus Tosaka-senpai mentioned..." Madoka began, as they followed him like a compact herd.

So, the Middle East it was. There, Shirou, Negi, Kotaro, Keiichi, Rito and Itoshiki got acquainted with the practice of polygamy, and Chisame confirmed her suspicions about exactly why Haruna would rather go there than London.

 

Shut-In Douji.

"Okay," Ritsuka said, "we need to stage an intervention. She's been spending too long with Osakabehime and Ganesha..."

 

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

---

It was a perfectly normal night in Mahora Academy. Well, as normal as nights in Mahora Academy could get, anyway. Everything was quiet outside, as the rebuilding crews had long punched their cards for the day and returned home. And then, somewhere in the nearby woods, an owl hooted loudly, several times; or perhaps there were several owls in a courtship ceremony or something.

This startled Kasuga Misora, as she hadn't seen or heard owls around the school for quite a while, perhaps even years. The short haired girl looked in silence across the room, with Cocone Fatima Rosa cuddled against her, her small hed nestled between Misora's chest and her chin.

From their position in the nook Negi-sensei was supposed to sleep in, Misora looked at the bunks across the bedroom. Tsunetsuki-senpai slept in a futon at the feet of the lower bunk, and in said bunk, Misora could make out the sleeping forms of Chisame and the pink spore, with Negi between them. Recalling last night's discussion, Misora kind of felt bad for Tsunetsuki-senpai; she may have been Class 3-F and a creepy stalker, but they still were friends with her for longer than they'd known the spore, and if you asked Misora, she had more of a right to be there in that bed with Chisame. That girl sure did put up with a lot.

Misora's thoughts on the subject of either Tsunetsuki-senpai OR the spore getting to sleep in the same bed as NEGI were another matter altogether, of course.

Lifting her gaze, Misora could glimpse the shapes of Sakurako and Hakase in the upper bunk, bundled together under the sheets and hopefully not doing anything that could wake Cocone or Negi up. They were faintly quiet at the time, and from what Skuld had hinted once during a session of being annoyed by Haruna Hakase was supposed to be a screamer in the bed in other realities, so Misora would give them the benefit of the doubt for now.

Skuld, not so much. Exactly why did she know so much about their sexual habits in other universes anyway? Creepy and gross!

Talking about creepy and gross things, Chamo slept in his drawer full of underwear, belly up and with a large bubble of snot blowing in and out of his nose. Once again, nothing out of the normal here. Some things had not really changed since the first time she'd slept in this room, many months ago, shortly after Evangeline had attacked her and drank her blood. But, and Misora was well aware of this, too many other things hd changed irreversible for her to fool herself into thinking otherwise.

Squirming out of the nook with practiced ease, Misora managed not to wake Cocone up when she got up to go use the toilet. In her way back, she decided to take a peek into the living room, since everyone else was too quiet for her comfort.

Ayaka was still fast asleep on the couch, and once again Misora couldn't help feeling bad for Iinchou, as she surely would love nothing better than sleeping in the same room as Sensei, something that, again, Misora thought Iinchou had earned much more than Louise. That didn't mean, of course, that Misora would have traded places with Iinchou, but thankfully Negi's nook was too small for Ayaka so the rich girl had been forced to let Misora and Cocone sleep there.

Misa and Madoka were in futons occupying the rest of the small room, and that was pretty much all for the sleepover. No Vice Prez, no Asuna, no Haruna, no Fukawa-senpai. Which did a lot to help explaining why the night was so quiet and uneventful, so far.

Of course, come the morning, all bets would be off.

Tomorrow, it would be Sunday, and Misora knew, somehow, that it would be a long day indeed.

She tucked herself back into the nook as it began raining outside.

---

A Day Indoors.

---

Very loosely based on a concept by Ambrant Arandel.

 

The Untold Legend of Rodney.

"Father, I know this may sound like a crude question," Damian said, "but why didn't your parents just hire a bodyguard to keep them safe?"

"There are no maybes about it," Jason grumbled, buttering his bread up, "that is a crude question..."

"Actually, they did," Bruce said.

The boys all stared at him, surprised.

"What?" Dick said after a moment.

"His name was Rodney," Bruce hummed, trying to recall. "But his last name, how should I say this... come to think about it, I hadn't thought of him for years... Alfred, what was his last name, again?"

Alfred sighed while distributing the cups of steaming cocoa. "Hartigan, Master Bruce. His name was Rodney Hartigan."

"Hartigan, right," Bruce nodded. "A good man. Tall and blonde. Former Special Forces."

"What the-- You never mentioned any bodyguard!" Jason said. He looked at Dick. "Did he ever tell you?"

Dick shook his head. "No... I never saw any photos in the manor, either!"

"Why wasn't he there that night?" Tim asked. "You resent him because he wasn't there, right? That's why you've done your best to forget him..."

"No, actually, he was there," Bruce said.

The boys stared at him again.

"I'll take that pearl necklace, lady," Joe Chill growled. "In the meanwhile, you guys start emptying those wallets..."

"Oh, no, you won't!" Mr. Hartigan said, reaching for his own gun...

"Bad idea, pal!" Chill said, and opened fire on him before he could draw. Then he turned his gun on the Waynes. "I said no heroes! Look at you forced me to do..."

The boys blinked.

"Oh," Damian said after a moment. "Oh, I think I understand. You resent him for doing that, then, don't you..."

"No, actually, I don't hold anything against him. He was just doing his job," Bruce said. "He tried."

"... and then why you never show any emotion about him at all?" Tim asked.

Bruce blinked. "Huh? He was just the bodyguard!"

"Do you even remember where is he buried?" Jason asked with growing suspicion.

Bruce thought about it. "... no, sorry. Alfred?"

"Right next to Percival the chaffeur, Master Bruce," the butler said stoically.

"Percival? Who is Percival?!" Jason asked.

"Was," Bruce said. "Alfred didn't drive us around then, that was Percival's job. But Chill killed him before we left the theater, so he could wait for us by the limo. He was married to Sally the cook, who died of a heart attack when she learned about it... What was their last name, Alfred? I don't think I remember that either..."

"I'm counting on you young gentlemen so I'm not buried in an unmarked grave," Pennyworth grimly told the sidekicks.

 

The Love Connection.

"Miss Kakizaki?" the man asked, approching her behind the stage.

"Springfield-Kakizaki. Yes, that's me. How may I help you?" Misa asked. "Do you want an autograph? My fee is--"

"I represent the intellectual interests of Mashima Music Records," the man said sharply. "It's been brought to our attention that your band has been doing covers of several of our artists through this tour. I come to present you with a cease and desist order plus a--"

"Ah, it's just that? Wait a moment." Misa pulled her phone out. "Ayaka? Yeah, it's me, who else could it be? Listen, why don't you buy Mashima Music Records and I'll pay you by month's end? Oh, it's that big. Fine. Fine, I'll be paying you through the year! We've been racking in the tour and my investments have been paying off, you know that! 'Kay. Love you! Bye!"

She put the phone down. "That's Yukihiro Ayaka, my co-wife since we're both married to Prince Negi of Ostia. Now you work for me, and I've got to tell you that I don't like your attitude or tone."

"I hope that doesn't mean I am terminated and I am to be replaced."

"Goodness, no! That attitude and that tone are exactly what I need. I need you to go after Afterschool Tea Time and 2-B Pencils, they've been doing covers of our songs without asking first..."

 

Easy Mode Conclusion.

"Sir!" Touko yelled, panicking, as she, Takahata, Akashi, Shakti and Takane rushed into his office. "This is an emergency! Of the highest level!"

Konoemon looked up from his Playboy and blinked. "What?"

"Sir, there's just been a major outburst from under the World Tree!" Takamichi explained. "It has broken free!"

Konoemon paled. "Oh, shit."

---

Caster frowned, arms folded. "Explain it again, will you? Going through every detail this time..."

"I'm telling you that I didn't do anything!" Assassin protested, pointing with his blade at the gigantic crater at the roots of the Tree. "There was a large explosion, and two people crawled out and just walked away...!"

---

The front bell rang.

Chisame opened the door, and then blinked.

"Hello, the Dorm Mother told us Negi lives here!" Nagi Springfield said in a friendly manner, with a stoic tall blonde by his side. "I'd like to see him, I'm his dad and this is my fiancee!"

Chisame blinked again. "Uhhhh... He is teaching supplementary classes to some of my classmates, who are... in dire needs for that..."

"Then we shall stay here until his return," the beautiful blonde said, imperiously. "Bring refreshments and drinks, young lady. Or else."

"Ialda, please," Nagi said, "we have talked about this already..."

---

"Chisame, Satomi, Matoi-san, I'm home!" Negi said, walking in and taking his shoes off. "Sorry I'm late, there's been a ruckus all through campus none of the teachers wanted to tell me... about..."

He trailed off in awe, seeing his father sitting there, with most of 3-A crowded around him, bombarding him with questions while a tall blonde stoically rolled her eyes back in annoyance.

Chisame looked at Negi. "You'll be the one telling Eva about this, okay?"

"Well, you know, we spent ten years together, after all!" Nagi was excitedly telling Ako. "A lot of things can happen between a man and a woman during that time, especially when they are sharing a body!"

 

Really Decadent Habits.

"Sextum," Collet said, "I'm not sure about this. If Negi sees us--"

"He may be our husband but he's not our owner," Sextum told her quietly. "There's nothing wrong with us doing this together."

"I know, but... it still feels wrong, for some reason...! Doing it behind his back...!"

"Would you rather do it before him?" the albino asked. "We can do that, if you would like it. Why shouldn't we?"

"No, no, noooo, no!" the blonde shook her head, blushing.

"You know you love it. So there's no need to deprive yourself from this pleasure," Sextum said. "There's no shame on this."

"Oh, very well...!"

So they started doing it, and then they were surprised when someone else entered the room.

"Oh, there you are, Collet!" Yue said. Then she looked at the cups they'd been sipping from, and frowned. "Is that coffee?"

"Aaaahhhhh!" Collet hid her face in her hands. "Please don't look...!"

 

Top Ten Batman the Animated Series Episodes that Sound like Porn Titles.

10. Animal Act.
9. I've got Batman in my Basement.
8. Dreams in Darkness.
7. The Ultimate Thrill.
6. The Demon Within.
5. Chemistry.
4. Baby-Doll.
3. The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne.
2. Growing Pains.
1. Girls' Night Out.

 

This is your Brain on a Life of Magic.

"Oh, yes, teach me more, Sensei. I've been a bad student, I need to start learning all over again..."

"Chisame, Sensei, The Other Person, I'm home!" Satomi announced, taking her lab coat off and hanging it by the door. "They forced us early after an explosion in the--"

Her glasses slipped down her face as she saw Chisame, looking ten years old and wearing one of Negi's suits, standing by a chalkboard with chalk in her hand, while a suddenly terrified fifteen years old Negi in a schoolgirl uniform sat before her. Matoi stood aside, filming the procedures with a hand camera. There was an open bottle of pills on the table.

Hakase looked hard and long at the chalkboard, then walked over to it, erased one of the equations, and corrected it. "Stick to what you do best, Negi-sensei," she told Chisame. "Math is not your strong suit."

"Okay..." Chisame said, sounding as if she was deflating.

"I'd like to be Iinchou, incidentally," Hakase added.

Matoi sighed and put the camera down. "I'll go for the makeup, one of the wigs, and some padding. Okay, a lot of it... Wait, no, what is even the logic of that?!"