Random Luck, Zero Mercy

Ok, so initial thoughts on death, you know, after getting pasted by a truck across the freeway, are that death is not that bad, but what I would really like to know is why I'm floating here in the void like a mook, "yo, whatever asshole brought me here better start talking, or I'm leaving."

"And where exactly would you go, mortal?" a echoing voice whispered from beyond my view in an almost taunting manner.

"To fuck your mother, that's where you omnipotent asshole, now what the fuck do you want?" I stated calmly, not letting their taunting get to me in the slightest.

"Well, considering I was born as a lightning spirit, why don't you go shove your dick in an electrical socket and tell me how much you enjoyed it? Either way, we're getting off topic. Basically, I'm a R.O.B., and you're getting reincarnated. Your cheat power is the chaos gatcha, and I'm sending you to the world of MHA."

"Do I have any other options? MHA is a bit over done isn't it ?" I asked briskly

"Sure, you do I could send you as a D-class to the SCP Foundation if you want."

"MHA IS FINE THANKS, GREAT EVEN, PLEASE AND THANK YOU, KIND SIR," I answered calmly to avoid being sent to what can only be described as an express ticket to hell's bigger, meaner, more abusive brother.

"Good now as with how these things normally go you get 3 gold tickets and I send you to a random place in Japan to start" the being stated almost boredly as 3 golden disk shaped tokens floated around him "but seeing as your body got turned in to road pizza and because I don't like you enough to repair it im gonna have you rebirthed in to a new body and here is where you get to make a decision" he started with a gleeful tone.

"Yeah, and what would that decision be?" This is definitely not going to end well, but I may as well see what this jack off has to offer before I jump the gun again.

"Well normally when rebirthed you would start as you are being born but im willing to let you pick a starting age under the condition that you spin a wheel that will apply a anime cliché to you, it can be anything from being a Shonen protagonist to being a cuck in one of those hentai your kind is so enthralled with, the choice is yours but let it be know that it will be permanent".

So it's either be birthed again or get stuck with some stupid trope? Yeah, yeah fuck that, I'm not getting shot out of the old spawn tunnel again. "Spin the wheel, I'mn't going through that again, especially while fully aware of it happening".

And so a huge wheel with countless slots appeared and began to spin at a rapid pace "come on, come on give me something I can work with here" it better not make me a trap or some weird shit like that, and as the wheel slowed down I t looked like it was about to stop on femboy to my utter despair before ticking over on to another spot.

"Dark skinned foreigner? Isn't that a bit racist to have as a trope" I mean, I was mixed in my last life, so it's not a bad one to roll but still...

"My species has no concept of race, so no, either way, you are one lucky bastard. I tell you that, to end up with a positive hentai tope is very unlikely, either way you went through with your side of the bargain, so I will do the same, so how old do you want to start, as in the next life?"

"13 I wanna start at age 13, it should give me enough time to train my powers before canon," and some time to gather more tickets didn't hurt.

"Cool, now time to roll your tickets," he stated, throwing the tokens into my being before I could get out a word.

Ok to some, this may be trash, but I think I could work with this. "Not bad, I could have done much worse." Let's see what else there is to offer. I really need something that could deal some damage.


Well, that could certainly come in handy later, maybe I could trade it to Mirko for a free ride on the rabbit express, if you know what I mean, either way it's still not an offensive power, and I doubt I could trade it to All Might for one for all, so back to the drawing board.


Oh, now this I can have some fun with, I can't wait to see what sort of lewd potions I could cook up. "ok, that's everything, right? So could you send me on my way now, asshat?" I was getting sick of floating in nothingness.

"Yeah, yeah, you're stinking up the place anyway."

With that, I was volleyed out of the void and sent spiralling into my new life in a hero-ridden world. What could go wrong?

"Uhh, what the fuck was that?" I groaned, sitting up from what looked to be a cheap mattress. Getting to my feet, I looked around what appeared to be a Spartan-like bedroom with a small bathroom and a wall-mounted mirror.

Ok, let's see the damage. What did that asshole do to my body? He better not have turned me into some sort of freak, and as I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but be shocked by what was looking back at me.

"ok, what the fuck, I thought I was supposed to be 13, why do I look like a fuckin line-backer?" I mean, seriously, what sort of 13-year-old is over 6 feet tall, 6 foot 5 if I had to guess, with dark skin and short black hair, with broad shoulders and muscles that could compete with some bodybuilders.

"Jesus Christ, if this is me at 13, what the fuck will I look like by the time I'm fully grown?" I mean, seriously, I know people in this world can have some really strange looks due to mutant quirks, but it's just so... bizarre.

Well, guess now I've checked out the bodywork, I may as well check what we've got going on under the hood, so as I pull down my shorts to see what I'm working with, I can't help but stop and stare," what?... no, seriously, what the fuck is that?"

What im looking at can only be described as a third leg, there is no other way to describe it, I mean I wasn't small in my last life but what the fuck am I meant to do with a dick that hangs down to my kneecap and that's while its still soft, "this shit better come with some sort of hentai physics or sex is gonna feel like im chalking a pool cue"

Ok enough of this shit time to figure out where the fuck I am, and as the thought left my mind a cascade of memories slammed in to my skull like a hammer, in this life my name was James Randle but everyone called me randy and I was born in America two a American dad and a half American mom who moved over to Japan for work but died in a villain attack when I was 6, and since then I have been lived here in the Ikidomari orphanage.

"Yeah, spin that shit." Better be something I can use, another ability would be nice.


Not amazing, but I could think of a couple of decent uses for it, anyway, it's about time to make some progress with this new lease on life.

As I made my way down the stairs from my room to the orphanage courtyard one thing immediately came to mind 'what a shithole', the walls were peeling with old nasty wallpaper, the floors were covered in cracked tiles and the air stunk of what I think was rot, which to be honest made sense; this was one of if not the roughest orphanages in Japan, filled with quote on quote 'undesirables'.

And as I got entrance I couldn't help but grimace, as one of the older kids walking in, knowing exactly where this was about to go, you see in this life I was 'born' as a quirkless kid due to my Gacha powers not coming in till I arrived here so as far as everyone here knows im still powerless and to them that means I was a target regardless of how well built I looked I was still a 'powerless flaw of evolution' to these assholes.

And here comes one of those assholes now, I would like you all to meet Carlos Pereira, a half Brazilian douche that's been here for about a year at this point, standing about 5 foot 9, with light brown skin and long silver tentacles in place of hair, and the biggest quirkiest shit stain you're likely to meet this side of the equator.

I am gonna just walk past him and try and ignore him, I've got bett..." Well, well, Macaco, what's something like you doing walking around like a fully evolved person, heck, you even managed to dress yourself like one," he remarked snidely as he blocked my path.

Breathe, just breathe, don't let it get to you.

breath in

1...

2...

3...

Breath out

Brea... "you listening, you Xucro lookin bitch or do I have to beat it in to yoaaaahhhh."

'Yeah, I couldn't hold myself no more, this bitch is gonna eat shit' was the thought that went through my head as I grabbed a handful of the tentacles on his head, planted my foot on his, chest and heaved with all my might, ripping them clean out of his scalp, and before he could recover I slammed my fist straight in to his stomach sending him straight to the floor.

"Yeah, how's that for a less evolved monkey you calamari looking mother fucker, try that shit again and I'm gonna tie you to a fucking billboard by those hair dildos of yours, you racist piece of shit."

And with one final kick to the teeth, I walked out of the orphanage, leaving that piece of shit bleeding on the hallway floor, feeling not a speck of guilt, 'racist piece of shit had it coming anyway, I ain't gonna lose no sleep of that anytime soon.'


While that might have some use in the future, it's kinda useless right now, so let's move on.


Finally, an ability that has some combat use, and I've already got some ideas on how to make this way more powerful than it was probably intended to be. See the description of the ability, which implies that the more power I pour into the ability, the stronger the geysers, but nowhere does it state how wide I have to make said geysers.

I quickly rush into what appears to be an alleyway between two abandoned warehouses that were local to the orphanage for some impromptu testing. This is gonna be fun.

So as I slot geysers in and use the power for the first time, the ground cracks about a meter wide, sending a powerful jet of water slamming against the wall of the alley, and while strong, it's far from punching through a thick brick wall.

But that's where my idea comes in, so as I use the power again, this time I try and force the power to compress and not spread out as it tries to do, and while it feels like I'm forcing the power to be used in a way it wasn't intended to be, it still follows my command.

This time, the ground barely cracks open, maybe 10 centimetres across, and as I wait about 10 seconds and nothing seems to happen, I start to look closer, only to hear a deep rumble coming from the geyser, and as I leap back.

!!BOOOOOM!!!

The explosion of water that escapes is more like a water jet than a geyser, and it cuts a clean line in the bricks of the warehouse, leaving behind a clean divide in the wall and the one behind it, and the one behind that, and the next... yeah I think im gonna have to diel that back a bit before I use that in public, unless I wanna send someone straight to the forever box.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck... and I thought that was meant to be an uncommon level of power


Oh well, that's gonna come in useful in the coming days. Maybe I could use it to get some good advice on finding ingredients for my alchemy, just keep picking locations to buy materials till it gives me some words of wisdom.


Yeah, that's an easy choice, give me the enhanced endurance, more stamina is always good, and as I picked it, I didn't feel much of a change, but I guess I would feel it more when I get a chance to work out.

Either way, next on the agenda is to find some cash, cuz let's face it, if I wanna make any sort of potions I'm gonna need ingredients, and to find any decent ingredients I'm gonna need some cash. Good thing I know just where to FIND IT.