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Everlong (MHA/Celestial Mutation)

Reader mode
Memento-Mori said:
So, this chapter is extremely faint in color

Also, this did not address the Mahoraga shaped elephant of that chapter
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I'm not sure what you mean by the color looks faint, but I had to cross-post it by manually highlighting the chapter on SB while on mobile so that might have something to do with it.

I also went back and double checked the earlier chapters since its been a while and afaik Mahoraga was spawned at the end of "Every Toji needs a wormie".
 
CosmicBigfoot said:
I'm not sure what you mean by the color looks faint, but I had to cross-post it by manually highlighting the chapter on SB while on mobile so that might have something to do with it.
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Instead of black text, the text color is very light gray. The formatting probably got messed up when it was copy pasted

Edit: the font size also seems to be a bit smaller?
 
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All Squares Make A Circle said:
Instead of black text, the text color is very light gray. The formatting probably got messed up when it was copy pasted
Edit: the font size also seems to be a bit smaller?
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I tried copying both of the chapters a second time so here's hoping it fixes itself. If that doesn't work then I'll just wait until I'm unbanned from SB and copy the direct BB code and see if that fixes it. I might also just completely flip the chapters around so the post date stays consistent along with the threadmark order but I'm not sure if just straight up replacing entire chapters with one another is kosher on QQ. I assume it is 🤷‍♂️
 
CosmicBigfoot said:
I tried copying both of the chapters a second time so here's hoping it fixes itself. If that doesn't work then I'll just wait until I'm unbanned from SB and copy the direct BB code and see if that fixes it. I might also just completely flip the chapters around so the post date stays consistent along with the threadmark order but I'm not sure if just straight up replacing entire chapters with one another is kosher on QQ. I assume it is 🤷‍♂️
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It's fixed now, at least from what I see. Thank you!
 
CosmicBigfoot said:
caused Yoichi to have a feeble quirk by not having enough nutrients to spare for him after he had his fill
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I honestly think it's kind of sweet that Zen doesn't even think of the fact that he and Yoichi are identical twins, and that if there was only one of them, he'd get the power creation quirk; he just thinks about Yoichi being born with a weaker quirk. Zen never even considers that he's also experiencing that, if Toji's some kind of clone that had ideal development, or something.
 
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So I've been thinking back to this fic, and how I want to write more for it, but also... this fic is kind of an inconsolable mess in it's current state. I've introduced too much random nonsense for the lolz, added too many plot points that not only can't go anywhere but I kinda don't even want to follow, and added way too much rushed shit in random spots. For example, the throuple wanting to rizz up Toji was a funny thought, but also... he's not gonna even realistically be able to interact with them for at least a year since I started the story so early (and what a mistake that was!) unless I set up contrived reasons for them to meet, and uh... I don't feel like it.

So this post is basically me saying this fic is either getting cancelled full-time or might be rewritten. I don't know if when you rewrite threads you post a new thread with a new name or you just paste over the old chapters, so... I guess I'll figure it out? The rest of this post is just me explaining what would get cut or focused on if I do end up rewriting it, so just skip it if you don't care about that.

The biggest fumble I made in this fic was making Toji's isekai happen at the exact start of the series (when Izuku got attacked by sludge and started training). For perspective, the start of this story is very early April. Izuku and Toji wouldn't join UA until early April of next year. That's an entire year of free time. I think, if I were to rewrite this, I would be better off having him get adopted by Nemuri on December, and have him wake up in the hospital in October. Him leaving the hospital and Nemuri adopting him after zero interactions is funny but also way too fast. I think them going out shopping should've happened before the adoption was still a possibility instead of a settled thing. It'd be cute. This would also still give me a few months to give him Programming and brute-force him into UA support.

I think the second biggest fumble in this fic were the powers. I gave him too many, too early, and too close together. Toji is unironically one of the most cracked characters I have ever seen in a MHA fic, and it wasn't even intentional. I was just adding shit on a whim and I didn't really think about the fact that Toji would still have all of these powers after the bit was over. What started as a story that lived and died by it's character interactions just slowly turned into total powershit. The beginning was Toji and others talking in a parking lot while their powers fucked with them on the side and by chapter 4 it was him and others fucking with their powers in a parking lot while they talked on the side. As for which powers I'd keep and which ones I'd cut...

Currently Toji has 7 busted powers. Diagnosis and Somnambulist are the cornerstone duo of this fic and are half the reason so many gags and plots flow so damn well. That combo is literally the entire reason this fic even exists. They'd have to stay and be there from the beginning. Programming sets up a lot of fun plot ideas and clicks with a lot of Toji's desires or wishes so I'd still give that to him near the beginning. Forced Activation would only show up just for Toru, nothing else. The Purple is genuinely not worth it, even for the gags it offers. It's something I don't want to keep track of. Boogie manimal is too bullshit in this setting. Either I nerf it to hell and back or I ditch it. Letting him make infinite creatures that can have their own quirks is just too good. That's the kind of bullshit you'd get from Eidolon and Glaistig banging in a dark alleyway. Boogie manimal probably won't make it into the rewrite, if I do ever rewrite it. I think Quantum evolution would be good for Toji as a character. He has agoraphobia and spends all his time completely blackpilled about the state of the world. It's either give him permanent life-reassurance or a therapist, and I'm not writing therapy in my crack fanfic.
tldr: Diagnosis and Somnambulist are staying and are still staples of the fic. Programming is staying and would be the only new power he gets for a bit so I can actually flesh it out properly. Next planned power would be quantum evolution, to make him gtfo of his apartment and go touch grass. Forced activation would only be added if I still wanted to throw Toru a bone. Every other power he got in the fic would probably be canned from the rewrite for one reason or another.

The entire plot and world I set up would stay the same along with the characters and the main trio of pov being Nemuri, Toru, and Toji but I'd completely change around the time frames on things, make certain things happen later, and make certain things happen sooner. Zen learning about Toji should've happened later because (just like in regular MHA, lol) I introduced Zen as a character, had him aura farm, and then pretended he didn't exist for about 40,000 words.


TLDR to this entire post: I'm really glad I wrote this fic, it got me back into writing in general. But this fic is currently a mess I can't bring myself to detangle so it's probably either cancelled or being rewritten. I thought I might as well say something since I do have a soft spot for this fic.
 
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CosmicBigfoot said:
So I've been thinking back to this fic, and how I want to write more for it, but also... this fic is kind of an inconsolable mess in it's current state. I've introduced too much random nonsense for the lolz, added too many plot points that not only can't go anywhere but I kinda don't even want to follow, and added way too much rushed shit in random spots. For example, the throuple wanting to rizz up Toji was a funny thought, but also... he's not gonna even realistically be able to interact with them for at least a year since I started the story so early (and what a mistake that was!) unless I set up contrived reasons for them to meet, and uh... I don't feel like it.

So this post is basically me saying this fic is either getting cancelled full-time or might be rewritten. I don't know if when you rewrite threads you post a new thread with a new name or you just paste over the old chapters, so... I guess I'll figure it out? The rest of this post is just me explaining what would get cut or focused on if I do end up rewriting it, so just skip it if you don't care about that.

The biggest fumble I made in this fic was making Toji's isekai happen at the exact start of the series (when Izuku got attacked by sludge and started training). For perspective, the start of this story is very early April. Izuku and Toji wouldn't join UA until early April of next year. That's an entire year of free time. I think, if I were to rewrite this, I would be better off having him get adopted by Nemuri on December, and have him wake up in the hospital in October. Him leaving the hospital and Nemuri adopting him after zero interactions is funny but also way too fast. I think them going out shopping should've happened before the adoption was still a possibility instead of a settled thing. It'd be cute. This would also still give me a few months to give him Programming and brute-force him into UA support.

I think the second biggest fumble in this fic were the powers. I gave him too many, too early, and too close together. Toji is unironically one of the most cracked characters I have ever seen in a MHA fic, and it wasn't even intentional. I was just adding shit on a whim and I didn't really think about the fact that Toji would still have all of these powers after the bit was over. What started as a story that lived and died by it's character interactions just slowly turned into total powershit. The beginning was Toji and others talking in a parking lot while their powers fucked with them on the side and by chapter 4 it was him and others fucking with their powers in a parking lot while they talked on the side. As for which powers I'd keep and which ones I'd cut...

Currently Toji has 7 busted powers. Diagnosis and Somnambulist are the cornerstone duo of this fic and are half the reason so many gags and plots flow so damn well. That combo is literally the entire reason this fic even exists. They'd have to stay and be there from the beginning. Programming sets up a lot of fun plot ideas and clicks with a lot of Toji's desires or wishes so I'd still give that to him near the beginning. Forced Activation would only show up just for Toru, nothing else. The Purple is genuinely not worth it, even for the gags it offers. It's something I don't want to keep track of. Boogie manimal is too bullshit in this setting. Either I nerf it to hell and back or I ditch it. Letting him make infinite creatures that can have their own quirks is just too good. That's the kind of bullshit you'd get from Eidolon and Glaistig banging in a dark alleyway. Boogie manimal probably won't make it into the rewrite, if I do ever rewrite it. I think Quantum evolution would be good for Toji as a character. He has agoraphobia and spends all his time completely blackpilled about the state of the world. It's either give him permanent life-reassurance or a therapist, and I'm not writing therapy in my crack fanfic.
tldr: Diagnosis and Somnambulist are staying and are still staples of the fic. Programming is staying and would be the only new power he gets for a bit so I can actually flesh it out properly. Next planned power would be quantum evolution, to make him gtfo of his apartment and go touch grass. Forced activation would only be added if I still wanted to throw Toru a bone. Every other power he got in the fic would probably be canned from the rewrite for one reason or another.

The entire plot and world I set up would stay the same along with the characters and the main trio of pov being Nemuri, Toru, and Toji but I'd completely change around the time frames on things, make certain things happen later, and make certain things happen sooner. Zen learning about Toji should've happened later because (just like in regular MHA, lol) I introduced Zen as a character, had him aura farm, and then pretended he didn't exist for about 40,000 words.


TLDR to this entire post: I'm really glad I wrote this fic, it got me back into writing in general. But this fic is currently a mess I can't bring myself to detangle so it's probably either cancelled or being rewritten. I thought I might as well say something since I do have a soft spot for this fic.
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From what I've seen of rewrites. The common situations are

1 - Make new thread. In old thread, make a post linking to new thread
Or
2 - Unthreadmark all the chapters. Post the new chapters and threadmark those. Some authors choose to threadmark the old chapters in the category acro- I can't spell the thing. But the long ass word that means non-canon. As a sorta "you can look in the non-canon threadmark category to compare the old and new chapters and see how much it's improved"
 
SiegfriedisPower said:
If Programming is staying then please let Teto Bull stay as well.
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Since this fic in it's current state is dead in the water I might as well give some meta facts about random stuff like wtf Teto Bull (and all the other pitbull stuff) was even about besides just the general "I think pit bulls are funny". I was originally going to have Mirai and All Might show up to Toji's place to check out OfA's long lost "son", have it happen right when Toji was using forced activation on Toru and have them mistake her screaming with glee for screaming in terror, and then I was going to have an absurd fight scene where Toji thinks All Might is actually like Homelander that ends with Mirai and All Might getting mauled by pitbulls. I ended up not doing that because even though the fight idea was hilarious to me (and still is) this fic wasn't nearly crack-ish enough to justify All Might going so out of character as to do that without it being super contrived, I don't have any beef with All Might and can't bring myself to maul the guy with pitbulls for a joke, and having that happen would've just been such a swerve in the fic's tone and probably would've mindfucked Toji permanently.

Funnily enough, despite every problem I had with that idea that made me drop it I do genuinely think Toji would've "won" that fight. I would've set it up so before the forced activation bit they were testing out his creation power so the apartment would've been filled with shit like pitbulls, birds, and even headcrabs that are all walking sleep-gas bombs. All Might would've stormed in, gotten a misunderstanding, had to hold back so he wouldn't injure the "hostage" literally connected to Toji, Toru would start fighting All Might for busting into Toji's house, All Might realizes he probably is horribly misunderstanding the situation, and then all the smoke monsters would attack.

The biggest question of that fight would've been "would All Might blow a hole in his coworkers apartment just so he could deck-out their kid that he was mistakenly attacking in their own home?" and I think the answer is no, he'd probably take the L even if it meant getting mauled by dogs while unconscious. I think he'd willingly take the dive out of shame and embarassment if nothing else. Between his compromised lungs and Toji having forced activation I do think All Might would lose in that situation if he held back enough to not wreck Nemuri's apartment.

A big part of the joke would've been "Toji set up a better plan to kill All Might than OfA ever did, and he did it while playing around like a dipshit with his bestie". But once again, it was super contrived and also felt needlessly shitty to do to All Might even if it would've been funny. So it got ditched but all the stuff involving pit bulls remained for possible future use. Also this rolls back into one of the biggest problems this story had, which was me focusing more on absurdist power shit instead of characters interacting.

Edit: I forgot to say that yes, the teto bulls will stay. Some things are irreplaceable.
All Squares Make A Circle said:
From what I've seen of rewrites. The common situations are
1 - Make new thread. In old thread, make a post linking to new thread
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I'll probably go with making a new thread, just to lower the chance of absolute confusion in any new readers.
 
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I'd be cool to see a rewrite I'd honestly hope for less crack tho it was funny but I feel like it just lessens the relationships between characters. Honestly Nemuri acting as a mother figure (not like that you degenerates) was my favorite part of the fic she's just such a underused character and can be so fun. Toru was also unique as she's also underused so it was cool to see her as well.
 
I think the issue was that the story leaned way too hard into crack instead of crack treated seriously. Maybe have Toji's "real" quirk be the social link system from Persona but without a limit on the bonds he can have. This will encourage him to go out and meet people in the cast. He can start with Diagnosis and Somnambulist as a gift from ROB, but everything else he has to earn by getting to social link 5/10.

Nezu: (After many many meeting) So will you come to UA?
Toji: You know what, you don't seem like such a bad guy, er bear mouse. However, I'm only going to the support course!
*Congrats, on trusting another and receiving their trust in turn. As a reward you have received all the programming knowledge that has ever been known on this planet. Perfect for supporting you allies!*
Toji: Excuse me one moment.
*Slams head into desk*
 
hacks said:
I'd be cool to see a rewrite I'd honestly hope for less crack tho
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John123456789 said:
I think the issue was that the story leaned way too hard into crack instead of crack treated seriously.
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hacks said:
I'd be cool to see a rewrite I'd honestly hope for less crack tho
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I had similar thoughts on the level of crack as well and if I do rewrite it the new version is probably gonna be closer to Ode to The Mets, where it's a really out of touch MC in a world they are constantly getting baffled and alarmed by it. Except instead of pretending he has his shit together Toji very openly doesn't have his shit together in the slightest. A lot of things I introduce are genuinely super interesting and I just do not use them at all. Toji now lives in a world where "person" has replaced "human" in daily lexicon and the only thing he has to say to the absolute insanity that is anyone looking like anything is "well that sure is fucking wacky and weird".

There are so many ways I could've played that. Toji could've gotten social anxiety as a result. Maybe he accidentally comes off as a bigot for being less inclined to interact with mutants. There could've been a budding character trait where he actually prefers to interact with mutants because he thinks they're super interesting. Maybe even Toji gets extreme uncanny valley from the "regular" people because they're bit just slightly off enough to not look "human". There are so many ways I could've played it and I just went "lol, welp" and walked off. And that's just a single minor example.
 
every power gotten in every chapter New
King Yama said:
Hope you rewrite this it's great despite it's crack lol also don't have a clue about the names of the abilities Toji had the only ones l liked were the eyes and how he could turn his body parts into a a cable pr something to deactivate someone Quirk
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Chapter 1 Powers:

Diagnosis
200 CP

This Quirk can be used to give the user incredible amounts of varied and specific knowledge on the body of those visually observed. With this power, the user is able to get precise measurements of all kinds, age, medical conditions, broken bones, birth marks and more. The longer the user continues to observe a target, the more details they are able to learn, almost endlessly. Useful for locating enemy weaknesses or applying medical treatment in equal parts. The user must continue observing for additional details and observe a target in person. Collected details through this Quirk can be remembered incredibly well.

Source: My Hero Academia, Category: mutation​
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Mint Green Star. Additional mercury coloration.
Somnambulist
200 CP

The quirk user is able to produce a highly potent, sleep-inducing aroma from their body on command that can quickly propagate through an area. Even highly aggressive individuals may soon lose consciousness upon getting a wiff of it. The sleep inducing aroma does have the weakness of enemies needing to actually breath it in for it to work, meaning those who can avoid doing so will remain unaffected. The aroma is more effective against the opposite gender compared to the same gender of the quirk user.

Source: My Hero Academia, Category: mutation​
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Lilac Star.

Chapter 2 Powers:

Forced Activation
200 CP
This Quirk gives the user the ability to manifest branching black spears with a circuit pattern from their body to harmlessly jack in to a target's body. Once connected, the user is able to forcefully activate and control the victim's Quirk as desired. This can be used to turn enemies on their allies, gain the aid of unconscious allies of your own or directing the quirk of another in a way beneficial to the user such as forcing a captive with a unique Quirk to go along with demands. The branching spears of this Quirk aren't the most powerful, durable or fast things around and as such it's highly difficult to make use of them on a resisting target. If the user has no idea what the target's Quirk is or how it works, they can't use their Quirk nearly as well.
Source: My Hero Academia, Category: mutation​
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Black Star. Additional dark purple coloration.
The Purple
300 CP
The Quirk user is able to spread a bizarre electromagnetic field through inanimate objects that alters their physical properties. Objects affected become a vibrant purple color as long as the Quirk's effect is ongoing. The visual representation of the Quirk's effects transmits signals into the brains of living creatures observing affected objects, making the object hard to ignore or shift attention off of. Objects and materials affected also gain a kind of super-tangibility that causes them to express themselves on their surroundings to a greater extent. A playing card under this Quirk's effects would behave as if stronger than steel, as one example. The Quirk user is able to interact with affected objects as normal, leaving gloves to remain flexible on their hands, for instance. The Quirk user may passively leave objects affected, but may only spread this field out to so much at any given time. This Quirk will automatically spread to any inanimate object in contact with the Quirk user over prolonged periods of time, if applicable, such as clothing worn throughout the day.
Source: My Hero Academia, Category: mutation​
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Neon-Purple Star.
Programming and Computer Science
200 CP
Supercomputers are your bread and butter, and Artificial Intelligence is your idea of a PDA. Data, programs, and digital devices are your playthings, not to mention that your understanding of such systems mean you can hack anything that could possibly be hacked. There isn't really any limit on the extent you could push computing hardware, and any kind of software you can imagine is within your grasp. Please do note that flaunting this is likely to attract some attention from a few major players in particular. Then again that might not be a bad thing depending on your disposition and plans.
Source: Worm, Category: mutation​
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Dull Metallic Star.


Chapter 3 Powers:

Boogie Manimal
200 CP
You are able to produce a strange fog like substance which you can then shape into creatures, their natures being limited only by your imagination and how you craft them. These are under your mental control, and you can sense everything they do. The more of the fog you invest into a creature, and the longer you take in its creation, the stronger and more powerful it will be. Creatures may have certain abilities of their own based on how you've made them, and at any time you may invest more fog into them to modify or strengthen them further, with no (in theory if maybe not so much in practice) upper limit. Creatures default to a completely loyal if predatory mentality unless you make them otherwise. The fog itself is mostly transparent to you and your creations until used in a creation, and can be pumped out to cover large areas.
Source: Worm, Category: mutation​
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Lilac Sun.


Chapter 4 Powers:


Quantum Evolution

200 CP

Your body exists in a perpetual state of quantum uncertainty, and suddenly warps and evolves based on the stimulus around you to better fit your needs and desires, primarily survival. Falling off a building would result in you growing wings, bullets find themselves flattening on bio-armor that wasn't there when the weapon was fired, and strikes in combat will find natural weaponry perfectly suited to their target shaped by the time they land. The nature of this power means you can casually switch back to your base form, and regenerate at high speeds. Retaining a change will result in its constant refinement and enhancement, the effort and energy that would be spent on adapting instead being constantly funneled into improvement. Issues like muscle memory and being unused to your forms changes aren't a problem, you are able to use them instinctively. You can exert conscious control over your power's changes, either total or simply guiding it in your preferred directions. Your power can evolve anything physically possible for a biological system, although its an admittedly generous definition. Your power is a lot like Crawler's, you're just not permanently mutated. You do not possess a core, relying instead on your regeneration and adaptation, though you'll never suffer negative effects from needing to regenerate your brain or similar issues. Too much of you being destroyed or damaged at once can still end in your death if you're not careful.

Source: Worm, Category: mutation
​
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Mint Sun.


Woops, I guess I forgot to port over the power list that cleanly explained exactly what every power's name was, the color associated with them, and their exact description in the celestial mutagen catalog. Well, I guess several hours after I cancelled the story is better than never...
 
MOAR DRUGS MOAR CRACK *headesk face first into a pile of cocaine*/jk
 
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