Naruto: Man Is A Monster

[This fic can be found on webnovel with 30 chaoters ahead with the same name Man Is A Monster by FromJupiter]

[I am not a native]

[ Warning: My own stance is Neutral and this story isn't a reflection to how I think in real life... mostly. This story may contain every manner of strong opinions, religious characters preaching, racist characters being being racist, prejudice, steong antisemitic themes, pushy agenda, extreme ideologies, sensitive history, homophobic stuff, strong language, and more.

*Every character shown in this fic will have personalities, POVs, and opinions different from each other. The characters will act based on who they are and their experiences. If you have sth to say then Don't point your profanities to me but the characters.

You can stop reading right here if you don't like any of the above...

You have been cautioned.]

[ Maybe around %8 of this Fanfic is A.I, sometimes more, which only includes punctuation, spelling mistakes, and very few descriptive stuff that are hard to describe if you're not a native speaker. Then I proofread it many times before posting chapters. Everything else has been written by hand word for word]

[This is a very SERIOUS story. So please don't treat it as crack. Also, some jokes might go over your head since this was originally written on webnovel and some references can only be understood if you are a reader there.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aiden Miller, or his true name behind a fake one, Adolf Miller. An 'average' 20 years old guy from Austria with black hair and blue lifeless eyes staring at nothing in particular.

Yes, that Adolf. The one with the mustache. He was his secret descendant, but no one knew of that.

If anyone knew, then who knows when his house will be promised to some particular people all of a sudden and his body will get crucified somewhere in some holy land like what they did to a certain someone with his first letter in his name starting with Jesus.

.

Much to the disappointment of the mustache man, we as his descendants weren't patriotic.

Well, it's not we, but I at this point.

His family once a beacon of warmth with laughter echoing through the halls of their humble home, now is just as silent as it could be.

His parents, Adrian and Adele, the best parents someone could ask for, while his younger sister, Ami, being the sunshine of the house.

And then, there was Ayumi, his Japanese wife from Hiroshima, a descendant of a Nuke survivor, the love of his life, a woman whose mere presence could light up even the darkest corners of his world... like it did to many on August 6 1945.

It was for world peace they said.

She was strong, beautiful, clumsy at times but responsible.

It was a cold winter evening when it happened. The family had embarked on a routine outing, they drove through the streets. Yet, in an instant, tragedy struck with a truck.

The world shattered into fragments. The screeching of tires, the shattering of glass, and the sickening impact of metal meeting metal filled his ears as his entire world collapsed.

His family all died in this 'accident.'

He woke up in a sterile hospital room, surrounded by a sea of white.

He learned that he was the sole survivor of the accident.

The loss of his family and Ayumi created a void that seemed impossible to fill. Grief clung to him like a devil, devastated, and crying every day until falling asleep didn't help his mental state either.

"For God's sake, I only married the girl for one fucking half-year too and this shit happened. What did I do man? I don't remember killing people except inside Call Of Duty and Battlefield. I swear my biggest sin should be me masturbating 7 times a day like a fucking undisciplined loser when I was a teen, so why is this happening to me?!" He muttered to himself while sulking in a corner of his room.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months as he was slowly healing. The physical scars gradually faded, but the emotional wounds and trauma of that day remained raw and open.

Struggling to find a sense of purpose, he became an otaku because that's what useless people do... waste time.

As Miller delved deeper into the world of anime and manga, his love for it grew. He became an avid collector, meticulously organizing his growing collection of anime stuff, video games like Where Winds Meet, manga volumes, and merchandise. The walls of his room were adorned with colorful posters of Hu Tao. Each new series he discovered became his daily dose of dopamine.

"One Punch Man? More like One Slide Man." Miller muttered as he watched the shittiest anime adaptation of all time which ruined one of the greatest mangas known to man.

.

The world outside his room lost its color in his eyes, its vibrancy fading into the background. His days became a monotonous cycle...wake up, eat, shit, and lose himself in the fictional worlds that had become his sanctuary, and finally sleep again.

The outside world held little appeal.

"Is this some curse caused by the deeds of my Great ancestor? fighting the whole world because he didn't want to let %0.2 of some elites control the banks and fuck over the world with their communism disguised in democratic liberal bullshit?" Miller muttered to himself.

"I mean I get it, dude was sinful as hell, but why am I cleaning his Karma by enduring shit happening to my life? Just because I am from his blood?"

"Or is it those Elite satan worshippers pulling some black magic on my bloodline for killing a Rothschild back in the day?"

"I don't even believe in supernatural, so shouldn't that work as anti-magic technically? Should I also start worshipping devils as a counter defence? How does that even work?!"

"Damn!"

.

Most days, he found himself drawn to a small entertainment center. Its shelves were lined with rows of some manga volumes, DVDs of Hollywood and many other movies and series he didn't have much interest to even look at, and some few of his favourite anime figurines.

.

"And now we are with Emily."

"Thanks Dan. I'm here at Nein Comics in the German universal center to talk to local comic fans and find out what's in the bag. So, what's in the bag?" A blonde reporter asked a person.

"I got a jujutsu kaisen comic."

"Why jujutsu kaisen?" The Reporter asks with curiosity.

"Um, you know, I just saw this sick AMV on TikTok and said fuck it, why not read it? I always hate something that is popular and when everybody glaze so much of those shits, it's an instant turn off for me, but well, I will give JJK a chance. Pretty sure it's just graphics with no plot."

"Okay thanks." The Reporter, Emily, approaches another person. "What's in the bag?

"Oh, I got Demon Slayer!"

"Ohh wow, nobody usually touch that stuff, so why Demon Slayer?" The Reporter asked.

"Well because Yoriichi Tsugikuni beats Goku if he had Ki!!"

The Reporter immediately approaches someone else and ignores that mistake.

"So what's in the bag?"

"Jojo bizarre adventure."

"Ohh, that's very interesting. So why JoJo?" The Reporter asked.

"Why JoJo?? Nonsense question! By the way, we want the second episode of Steel Ball Run right.fucking.now! You hear me! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!! RELEASE THAT EPISODE OR I SWEAR I WILl KILL EVERY NETFLIX PRODUCER AND WORKER I SEE YOU MOTHERFUC–"

The Reporter ran away from that one too, which tells you how insane the anime community actually are.

"What's in the bag?"

"A piece of One Piece! Hehh, you get it? Piece, like in One PPiece..." A fat dude with receding hairline said mischievously, trying to rizz up the Reporter.

"I get it, but why One Piece?" The Reporter asked boredly. Even a stone has better chances rizzing her than this bag of cholesterol and heart attacks.

"Well, I was 7 when I started watching one piece, it's my most favorite thing of ALL TIME. Too many tatas and you know, the best stuff. By the way, the One Piece is REAL!! Oda really be cooking fr fr no cap! Can't wait to see what the One Piece is!" The fat old man replied enthusiastically.

"And how old are you now?" The Reporter asked with curiosity.

"Nothing much, just over 60." The fat old virgin dude replied with a shrug.

"..." The Reporter just looked at him with a deadpan.

This fossil might see GTA 6 before knowing what the One Piece is and then die.

The Reporter then approached someone else.

"What's in the bag?" The person the Reporter was about to ask that question to asked the question before her questioning the question.

"Yeah." The Reporter nodded.

"My favourite comic book right here is called Rent A Gir–heyy!! where you going?!" The person yelled at the Reporter who ignored the dude entirely.

"What's in the bag?" The Reporter asked a huge muscular man who looked down at her while breathing hard.

"..."

"I can see you have chosen a comic. Care to tell us what it's about?" The Reporter asked with an awkward smile.

"..."

"Sooooooo, nothing?" The Reporter tried again.

"Hmph, Beasters." The huge man said with a huff.

"Owwww, ahhhh, wooww! Beasterrrrrrs, amazinnng" The Reporter said after a little bit of silence with a slightly disgusted expression.

"You won't ask why I chose it?" The man asked with a frown.

"No need to explain Masterpiece, don't worry about it handsome." The Reporter replied and ran from there too.

Then finally, she approached Him.

"Hey there! What's in the bag!"

"Huh?" Dafuk?! What did I do?

"I'm from Weaboos TV and today we're talking to local comic fans and finding out what they're purchasing. So, what's in the bag?" The Reporter said to Miller who became flustered immediately.

"Uh... It's called uhmm it's called uhmmmmm–" now, Miller is nervous as hell!

"Don't worry, you can tell us, don't be shy." The Reporter encouraged Miller.

"Uhmmm uhhh, it's called... daughter and stepdad." Miller nervously let out.

"That's awesome! And what is that about? Like a daughter and her dad crime-fighting duo?" The Reporter asked eagerly.

"Uhmm uhhhmm... It's about a daughter and her step dad. That... that–" God help me!

"Okay and then?" The Reporter leaned closer.

"And then... and then they uhmmm they... fuc–"

BANG!

"KYAAAAAAAA!!"

Before Miller could finish what he was saying, a sound of a loud gunshot was heared inside the place and immediately made people go crazy from fear as everyone started screaming and ducking down.

It didn't take long for Miller to know and his heart skipped a beat as he realized he had stumbled upon a robbery in progress. Panic surged through his veins, but he still went closer to find out what was going on because that's what MCs do... fucking around

The scene unfolded like a movie as he saw the masked robbers, their faces twisted in desperation and moving their guns wildly while shouting at everyone, the terrified customers cowering in fear.

Suddenly, the sound of gunfire filled the air again as some brownish dude tried to play hero as he tried to engage in combat, but he was shot dead in the head real quick before he even came close to the robbers.

'These damn immigrants! at least let the decent ones become citizens!' Miller thought.

And these guys, are a byproduct of the Elites of Europe and USA exploiting every 'poor' country around the world.

Artificial chaos leads to desperation and desperation leads to migration.

Everybody is guilty, but you know who is more guilty? The people of jupiter.

"Man, my luck is EX!"

*Pew Pew Pew Pew jew Pew Pew Pew Pew!*

Then sound of gun shots and screams of people echoed in his ears as if in slow motion. And finally, it happened, his EX luck led a single stray bullet and teared through his heart.

"Bruh!" He whispered with a deadpan. Time seemed to stand still as his body crumpled to the ground, his life ebbing away.

'Is this it? Is this the end? What sequence of events brought me to this point? What aboard circumstances lead me here? Is this the cruel painful plan that was orchestrated by a malevolent of deity? Who am I really? What purpose did I serve in this life that was granted to me? I suppose I'll never know. If this is what my life lead up to, and if this is truly the end, then I'll accept my fate.'

"9 stars for graphics and 1 star for shitty plot, the good guys lost." Miller rated the world.

Amidst all this chaos, finally, he died.

.

But as his consciousness faded from earth, a dim light appeared in a darkness. He found himself standing in that very dark place he always read about... the void, a place beyond mortal comprehension where every kind of shitty MCs get unleashed on those poor fictional worlds.

It didn't take long for him to realise where he was as it has already been hours since he had his nonexistent finger on his chin and contemplated about his situation.

'Do I really have to wait like those MC's with their ridiculous Will to stay in this damned place for Krillions of years like it's just a night breeze or something? Where in the hell is this place? It's like my eyes are closed but not at the same time! Why can I even think? Wasn't afterlife supposed to be only a black screen with no consciousness?'

10 years later/

"What if we clapped with our asses instead of hands at the speed of Match 20? Can the friction force generated by clapping them cheeks together be converted to infinite renewable electrici-"

"A person who thinks all the time..." Suddenly, an unknown voice rang in the ever silence of the void and interrupted the enlightenment of Miller who was about to breakthrough from Peak Qi Gathering Ching Chong to Golden Core Divine Ding Dong!

"Who the fuck?!! Courting Death?!"

It didn't take long as a handsome young man manifested in front of the now small ball-like soul with his hands slightly raised in front of him, palms facing the... void sky?

"I am god"

"You–" Miller, now an insane guy whom lost much of his sanity after being in the void for so long tried to let out profanities, but his lips got tied by an invincible force before he could.

"Guess staying in this shithole for a long period did really a number on your mind. So before saying something unthinkable that will make me erase you, are you ready to know what will happen?" god said without showing much expression.

Miller was out of his mind clearly but through his sub-consciousness, he was slightly aware courtesy to god calming him down and making him slightly stable.

"Good, I already know an infinite possibilities of how our conversation can go and this is the least annoying one, omniscient and all that, so let's make this quick. Now, it's as you may guess, you will get reincarnated to a place where the wheel of fortune randomly chooses a world for you, be it anime, manga, movies, or your previous world. Also powers and abilities."

"Now here is the wheel. Before we start, I will have to tell you that after this, I don't care what will happen to you. I created countless hyperverses and things beyond that, so you are not anything special. I am fully entertained because even a multiverse is enough to generate infinite entertainment, now let alone a hyperverse. Honestly, I am beyond the concept of entertainment and that downgraded shitty experiences I created for you humans. So, don't go around thinking I control the life of something as insignificant as you for my own amusment."

"I am just a very...VERY small form of my true self, but even in this form I can create another hyperverse with a yawn, so I am not in need of you to do anything for me. Just live your life and I won't interfere because that's what some losers who read this want how these things should be. No grand mission or anything of the sort. What even a dust like you can simply do that I with all my power can't?"

"You were an Athiest so that's why you see a black screen, aka the void. Seems you and your likes didn't count for it just being another version of hell. Many of your kind go straight to hell. But there is also your type amongst you, who are not bad but not good either, so here we are in this shithole. Though, the ones who are good will be reincarnated on earth to live again without memories as a chance to maybe they will believe this time and go Heaven or... Hell."

"Your family were believers and good people, so they are in heaven, no need to worry about them. The only reason you matter and why I am here is because an asshole outside this reality wanted to. I created a fair system for the whole creation and guess how the system registered your name? Exactly, a sore loser who was afraid of responsibility."

"Everything is a probability and with how vast the universe is ( to you ), you should have given some thoughts about a possibility like this, or like... Me. How can you be skeptical of God's existence but not skeptical of yourself being skeptical of God's existence? Make it make sense!"

"..."

"The reason I created the universe? Because I fucking can, who the fuck are you to tell me what to do? what are you gonna do about it anyways?"

"..."

"Figured, nothing."

"Like seriously, how hard it's to be good? It's the easiest thing you do for some pathetic amount of mortal time and you can fuck bihs in heaven eternally afterwards. Like... Shouldn't science prove to you that you are a video game which is designed but on a larger scale? You couldn't even bring yourself to say that there must be a designer to this shitty game just because you read two pages of Richard Dawkins, and honestly... you felt it made you look cooler? The universe literally farted and boom... perfect alignment and laws."

"Dumbasses!"

"Anyways, you are lucky it wasn't Cathulhu in my place judging you. A weaker version of that guy actually exists in your world and works for me, but with your senses only feeling %0.0035 of the light spectrum, you humans couldn't simply comprehend him or any of his likes that surrounded you all the time without you knowing. Well, except for that dude H.P Lovecraft, and some others who created cults and later controlled all your world Elites through blood contacts. Take USA's every politician throughout its history as example, from their left wing to right wing... 24-karat satanists."

"The whole big bang thing? It was just my pimple popping. Evolution? Why I don't see humans with wings? We need humans with wings, cool hawkish eyes, and strong gorilla-like muscle fibers, but noooo! Humans must evolve into some weak ass fragile blood bags that is only good for creating delicious shawarma because guess what? You can fool predators with Shawarmas! Who needed camouflage abilities when dinosaurs chased your asses anyways, right? All Praise to the Döner guy! Shibidi dop dop yes yes–"

"Stupid ape brains! I swear only food and how many genders are there evolved with you guys. Do you even fathom how many furries I sent to the deepest chambers of eternal damnation throughout that pathetic history of yours? Even the hell fire there was reluctant to touch those things!"

"That's what I get for giving you some free will to choose between right and wrong? Furries? It's just straight up Evil you piece of little shits!"

"When I decided for my pimple to pop and make the 'big boom coincidence' I already knew this would happen. I originally wanted to create a world and creatures to be absolutely free and immortal or something, but that thought only lasted one nano second because of the sheer atrocities and evil committed by your kind I saw through my omniscience which eclipsed the current human life conditions by thousands of times. So, I made you as mortals and limited your age, and created a fair test for you to choose right and wrong. Whoever did wrong, Hell. Whoever did good, Heaven. Simple and efficient."

"Only reason I still proceeded to create the universe and beyond even after seeing so much shit through my omniscient was because some awesome and really good people would be born, like Kentaru Miura, Nikola Tesla, and Alexander Fleming. Evil exists yes, but I couldn't ignore the Good, so here we are."

"Anyways now, I yapped too much, but that's basically the answer to all your questions if I made you normal again and let you talk. Let's look at the wheel."

.

There were every kind of worlds written on the wheel from anime, manga, movies, to even the silliest cartoons.

god didn't even need to do anything as the wheel started to spin at light speed for an unknown time until Tick Tick Chrk, it stopped on the...

➼ {Naruto world}.

'MUUURDERRR haehaha!' Miller thought eith a hysterical laugh which made god sigh in disappointment because the soul has clearly lost his mind long ago.

"Well, I see that you got that world. Poor fellow. Well, Just hope you have enough luck to get something good for your power, If not, then not my problem anyways, annnnd here we go again!"

Vrrrrr, then it spun again.

There were essences, templates, abilities, items, and racial powers. from any world that existed.

➼Limitless freedom (OPM)
➼Snoop dog template
➼Instant transmission
➼Breathing styles (Demon Slayer)
➼Biomnitrex
➼Wuxian Template (Legend of Hei)
➼Boogie Woogie
➼Plot fucker system
➼John Kennedy Template
➼Dandruff Dandruff no mi
➼ToonForce (Uncle Grandpa)
➼DxD peak Angel Race
➼Takemitchy Hanakagi
➼Generator X Template
➼Essence Of Heaven Ascension Dio
➼Taro Sakamoto Template
➼Essence Of Bullshit
➼Mr.Bean Template
➼??? Template ( Mob Psycho )
➼Sword Of Rupture
➼Huzz cultivation technique
➼Essence Of Vergil
➼One Kakashi Unit of Ching Chong
➼Captain Jack Sparrow Template
➼Wrath (Ben 10)
➼Gay Massacre Starter Pack (Comes With Free Nukes)
➼Lu Bu (Record Of Ragnarok)
➼The Heavenly Great Way Of Buddha
➼Cao Cao Template (Dynasty Warriors)
➼Guts
➼9000+ Aura (Nazi Edition with complete DLC)
➼Death Note
➼Unholy Spells Of Satan
➼Arlecchino Template
➼Heavenly Demon Cheonma Template (Nano Machine)
➼Quick Silver Template
➼Sunshine
➼Essence Of Yuujiro Hanma
➼Kazuma Template
➼Everything in Bobobo-Bo Bo-Bobo world is yours

And among so many others no one knew of.

*Tick Tick Tick Tick Chrk*

After some ticking and turning, the pointer stopped on...

➼ { Essence Of Garou (TERA 4) }

"Good for you. At least you will become as powerful as this avatar of mine and become a hyperverse++ level entity and could toy with infinite clones of The Daemon Sultan Azathoth, TOAA, and Presence." god said with a shrug.

"There is nothing left now and you are good to go. All I have to say to you is to be careful of the powers you will have as it's not a template that you have always read about in those fanfictions, but an Essence. An Essence of someone that can go toe to toe with Saitama who is slightly stronger than this avatar of mine at his peak potential, which is limitless, so be a little responsible with those powers, but I couldn't care less even if you exploded the hyperverse I just created for you, so whatever," god warned lazily.

"I hope when death finds you next time, you won't already be dead inside, poor child. You are also welcome." god spoke for the final time with visible pity, and with that, he smiled then snapped his fingers.

Miller disintegrated...

*Silence*

"Looking at hell, should I save Earth version of the Painter as well? Warhammer 40k is a good place for him, or berserk... maybe Lovecraft? a mix of all three? I am sure he will like it all of them mixed so let's go with that. Let's make him 'return by death' immortal too and see how he plays this hell difficulty game." God smiled mischievously as he called forth a soul the next moment.

"But damn son, now that I look back at this version of Earth, it seems 271 hundred thousand wasn't enough. 109 countries and they still never learnt the lesson sighh. Creating islands and jeffries, dudes think they never die for real. Anyways, Hell is a place and all the universe's money won't help after death. And why tf are they worshipping that weak ass devil Moloch? I can hear Moses cursing here all the way from heaven haha!"

"SEEEEE?!! I TOLD EVERYONE BUT THEY DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME!! DO YOU START TO NOTICE IT NOW?! THEY SPREAD DISEASES, CONTROLLED THE GERMAN MEDIA TO VILLANIZE GERMANS AND PROMOTE THEMSELVES, MADE MILLIONS OF GERMANS JOBLESS AND BE IN ENORMOUS DEBTS, SPREAD DEGENERECY AND PORN, SOLD OUR CHILDREN, FORCED THE GERMAN WOMEN INTO PROSTITUTION, SPREAD PEDOPHILA, SPREAD SEXUAL CONFUSION BASED IMMORALITY, RAPE CHILDREN AND WOMEN, MANY MILLIONS WERE IN EXTREME DEBT, MILLIONS OF CATTLE AND NATURAL RESOURCES GOT STOLEN WHILE THE PEOPLE DIED OF STARVATION–!!" The soul shrieked in anger suddenly after he heard god, but he was disintegrated too immediately like his descendant a few moments ago, travelling to their respective worlds.

"Now since I am fair, let's play with some fuckass Rothschilds and their likes as a toast to the Adolfs success in their next lives."

"Here comes the gas."

THE END.

Unknown POV/

*Creak*

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*Creak*

"..."
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*Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak**Creak*

"~Kyaaa Mhhhhmmmh~"

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKKKKK!!!"

________________________

9 months later/

The sun rose over the vast expanse of the Land of Fire, casting its golden hues upon tht landscape that held Konoha Village. Nestled within a valley, the village was surrounded by rolling hills and dense forests.

In the bustling labor and delivery ward of the Leaf Village hospital, a woman with silver white hair was in labor. The room was alive, the soft murmurs of nurses, the rhythmic beeping of machines, and the occasional cries of other expectant mothers in labor in other rooms.

Dr. Yamato, a skilled doctor, guided Ayaka through the intense contractions. Sweat glistened on her forehead as she clenched Gintoki's hand, her husband.

Outside the room, the nurses running here and there busy and buzzed with activity. A seasoned nurse with serious eyes, coordinated the efforts of the medical team. She barked orders, ensuring everything ran smoothly for the incoming baby.

Inside the delivery room, Ayaka's cries mingled with the focused instructions of the medical team. Another nurse, encouraged Ayaka with each push.

"You're doing amazing, Ayaka-san! Just a little more strength, I can see the head!"

Ayaka, her breath ragged and screaming "AGHHHHHH" pushed with all her might, her face contorted in pain.

Gintoki stood by her side with a pale face as if he is the one giving birth.

"You're doing incredible love. Our baby will be here soon, just a little more!"

"I love you Gin but please SHUT THE FUCK UP, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT aghhhh!!" Cried Ayaka.

Gintoki just smiled wryly and didn't dare to answer, afraid that she will beat him up later if he annoyed her more.

Time seemed to pass as Ayaka's strength surged "AGHHHHHHHH" She cried out and then it happened.

She introduced a new life into the world. The room fell into a hushed anticipation and cries of joy as the newborn baby came out finally.

"The baby, he isn't crying!" A nurse exclaimed in surprise as she noticed quickly.

Dr. Yamato quickly came forward and held the child then...

*SLAP*

"WAHHHH WAHHHHHH WAHHH!"

The baby started crying loudly "He is fine and healthy." Dr.yamato said with a reassuring smile.

"Thank goodness!" Gintoki said and released a sigh of relief as he held and looked tenderly at his bald and ugly son who was screaming like a banshe.

.

As our MC calmed down, he started to observe his surroundings, but all he could see was black and white blurry images

'Am I blind? This is not in the MC gift package I always read about!' As he was about to start crying again he felt a soft and warm sensation then quickly calmed down.

'What's this warm feeling? It makes me want to slee-Zzzzz'

"look at our baby Gin, he is really small and cute, isn't he?" Ayaka said softly with eyes full of love.

"Yeah, he looks like a dry sponge owww!" Gintoki replied with a proud nod only to be pinched by Ayaka.

"Don't make fun of him, what should we name him?" She asked sternly.

"Hmm, well, I have been thinking about the name Garou..Hatake Garou." He replied with a proud smirk as if he didn't spend the last 9 months thinking about horrendous names.

"Actually, I was planning to name him Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong or Kawasaki Grendizer or Doremifasolati Do, but an ugly ass monster came to my sleep and started to beat me up to a pulp then zap me before forcing me to recite the name Garou a thousand times then–"

"Okay thats enough, Garou is a beautiful name. We should invite that monster from your dreams someday and thank him though," She said her last part in a murmur with a deadpan as she looked back at the sleeping face of Garou.

"Well Hatake-san, I would like you to stay here for 5 days until you are fully recovered. For now, if you need anything, you can inform the nurses. Again, congratulations Hatake-san!" Dr. Yamato said and left.

Ayaka, gazed at her newborn son. She marveled at his tiny fingers and toes, his skin still tinged with the gentle blue hue of birth "Welcome to the world, my little cupcake," she whispered, her voice filled with tenderness.

Gintoki voice quivered with emotion as he looked at his wife and ugly son "May you grow as strong as me because y'know... genetis and stuff. But I doubt you can–owww!" He tried to say something at the end but got pinched by Ayaka again.

-----------------------

10 days later /

In these days that followed, Going back to their house, a wooden brown adorned with white color and a blue rooftop just like kakashi's house, a modest yet cozy dwelling in the north of the Leaf Village in the small compound of the Hatake clan.

The walls of their home held family photographs of the previous generetaions all having white hair adorned the hallway.

In the living room, soft rays of sunlight filtered through sheer curtains hitting a crib adorned with hand-stitched blankets and stuffed animals.

"Ahhh, this is life. my eyesight is getting better after these past days of me being here. I wake up, drink milk from boobs, do some gugu gaga to my parents and sleep again. I was a lazy guy in my past life so I ain't complaining. Well, except for the pooping part where you get naked then cleansed, it's embarrassing, but now used to it. So life is good overall." Garou said out loud.

"blle blurp blle burra bu" But his words came out as cute incomprehensible things to his parents.

"Look how cute he is honey, he is speaking to us!" Ayaka said excitedly.

"Doubt that, he sounds like an old man choking on his own saliva... weird." Gintoki rolled his eyes in boredom while laying on the tatami and picking his nose.

"Bastard! can't you be nice for once and agree with me! How can you even say that?!" Ayaka said in annoyance as she picked up Garou who was listening to his deadbeat father and mother arguing again for no reason, but frowned at what his dad said though.

Gintoki looked at the sight of his son being carried by his wife for a moment before he started to scratch his ass vigorously and said:

"Let's be real ok, and I got a NOT so funny story to back my words. On his second day at home, I was holding the little pipsqueak while he was napping, then he Farted. I don't mean a cute little toot, I mean this tiny devil you carrying right now farts like a grown adult! And do I need to tell you how that shit smelled? It smelled like a dead body decomposing with intestines, urine, and vomi–"

"Enough! Garou is not like that at all, he is cute and you are lying!" Ayaka interrupted Gintoki who was still scratching his ass angrily as he remembered the disgusting smell which was enough reason for Gintoki to not stop saying what he gotta day.

"Not cute at all, he looks like a busted can of biscuits! He is making the living room his music studio for his ASS-trumentals!" Gintoki said and closed his eyes to sleep.

*Crack!*

Both heard a cracking of glass and looking at the pathetic face of Garou who was on the verge of crying made both get surprised and wide eyed, and Gintoki, the ever logical man, was the first to use body flicker and run away from the bomb which was about to get detonated.

"Gintoki wait don't leave m-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAA WAAAAAA!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

3 months later /

In the past months the daily routine revolved around Garou's needs and his parent's love.

"Waaaaa!!! Waa!!!"

It was late at night and Garou was purposely crying his lungs out just to make Gintoki annoyed. The emotional damage from 3 months ago have made him seek vengeance and what better way than act like a baby?

Did he also tell you how much of a piece of shit father he has?

"3 fucking months, how can you have been here for 3 months and not know how sleep works you dumb son? Do you need a demonstration to learn?! WATCH THIS...zzzzzzzz–" Gintoki shouted with black circles under his eyes while holding the screaming Garou and instantly went to sleep without a care in the world, which made Garou stop crying and make a dissatisfied expression.

He then looked at a corner where Ayaka was holding her knees and looking at her front with lifeless eyes as if she was a mental while muttering gibberish.

'Tch! I was hoping for you to last longer Gintoki. Too bad that this will be your fate for the months to come muahahah-zzzzzzz!'

Garou went to sleep.
__________________

Mornings would find Ayaka, dressed in robe, gently rocking Garou in her arms most of the time, singing some japanese type of lullaby. Ayaka, having prepared a simple breakfast, with Gintoki in the cozy kitchen laying around.

MC's POV /

In these past months my eyesight can be called normal but the world around me is still a little weird for me to get used to as it's more colourful, It's like my eyes were seeing things in 8k for the first time.

Is it just his eyes which are exceptional or the world is just like this? He didn't know.

As for my parents, My father Gintoki is a man of a little above average height, with curly, bright silver hair, styled in a perm and brown dead fish eyes.

He typically wears a black shirt, with a white yukata worn on top of it - though he only has one sleeve on at any given time - and light blue pants tucked inside black boots.

He is an Elite jonin ninja according to what I heard from conversations and apparently, he is the Hatake clan head. He also looks exactly like the jackass from Gintama.
Maybe that's also the reason he is such a piece of shit also.

Hope this isn't AU.

As for my mother, Hatake Ayaka, with her elegant white hair cascading down like a waterfall and her captivating black eyes brimming with tenderness, exuded a sense of serenity that hid the devil inside her.

Sometimes when I think about my previous family and partner I cry as my emotions are still quite uncontrollable due to me being a child but Ayaka's bosom helps with that and I stop.

Sometimes when my father is not home, mom would carry me in a sling, securing me against her chest, as we ventured the streets bustled with activity. Merchants displaying their wares, children laughing and playing, and villagers engaging in conversations. It is really captivating as I observe and take my surroundings nowadays.

Though Konoha still looks kinda primitive and not as modern as it's future, which tells me I am far from canon. Like, really far.

Konoha though is really beautiful. The Hokage head on the mountain, the vibrant trees, the bustling streets, beautiful women. All in all, I will give it a 9/11, maybe only One Piece or Genshin world can be more beautiful than this for sure.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, signaling the close of another day, mother put me in the crib and started to sing some lullaby to sleep. After closing my eyes and mom going out I started to fall asleep completely.

Then I remembered a very crucial thing:

"Where are my cheats admin?!"

Bip • [ Status Window initializing ...%1 ]

"Suiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

The End.

[ This ain't a system story... Kinda. ]

Bip • { system initializing ...%1.. %2..%45..%90..%100}

"Hehehe, now let's see if I could beat the fastest record of becoming a Kage in all fiction when I hit 9 months old!" I said with a small creepy laugh while rubbing my small hands together like a coin clipper, albeit failing.

Bip • { opening a message from god:

Hello there, if you got this message then that means your soul is stabilized. I just wanted to say that this was the small gift from me, a Status Window with occasional tips. It's non-sentient, so be grateful as you shouldn't even have this in the first place. Also, as you are still a baby and pathetically weak, the powers that you supposed to have will be Heavily sealed until you put some effort to unlock them step by step as this universe and half of the Hyperverse will simply explode if you don't control that power and you will be Erased.

god.}


'Dammit! I thought I will be a planet buster from the start. Why a seal all of a sudden?!' I thought in annoyance.

'Status open' I let out in my head.

________________

Status /

Name: Hatake Garou
Race: Human 50% monster 50%
Power level : 2 babies
Assimilated : %0.5

Talents: LOCKED!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Skills:

• Regeneration: [ I ]
Wounds heal faster than a civilian Peak Genin physique.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Forms: LOCKED!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tip of the day: Suck that boob dry.

___________________

'The fact that it's %0.5 and only some very very few of his skills and talents is crazy!

'I am sure after I slowly progress in the Essence, there will be more and more!' I thought in excitement.

'And that assimilation thing probably means how much his power and combat experience my body can handle for now similar to those Template type of fanfictions I read, though I don't know what god meant by this being different from a Template.' I thought in confusion.

He knew he was insane and not right in the head when god talked to him in the void, but weirdly, he remembers everything that happened there.

So, the more I train and fight the more memories, experience, and power will get unlocked?

Maybe.

'And that race thingy, why does it say 50% human? I don't remember the original Garou to be a monster from birth.' I thought in surprise.

No one knows what these monsters are in One Punch Man world except for being unpredictable mentally and physically with immense potential depending on who becomes one!

So, being a Monster was a huge risk.

Even though becoming a monster might be a good thing as it will give you the necessary power to survive in this dog eat dog world, but it's a known fact in OPM universe that most monsters are unstable and destructive that love chaos.

And then comes the original Garou himself 'I hope his personality and memories won't affect me at least.' I thought, visibly concerned about this matter but what could he basically do?

Nothing.

'Its decided then, after three years when my chakra is refined I will start my training. No way in hell I will miss this blissful days as things will get hectic afterwards and I need to get over my previous life griefs and regrets, so I will enjoy my free time for now as much as possible.' I thought.

'Who even trains at this age? I ain't from an mtl translation bullshit.'

'Wait, now that I think about it, What is my current standing in the timeline? I know that Tobirama is still not the Hokage because his face is still not sculpted on the mountain, so does that mean he and Hashirama are still kicking?' I thought in excitement because if that were the case then I will get to see that genius racist some day in real life who is one of my favourite characters!

And what's better is that, if he remembers correctly, then soon an armistice treaty will be signed by all the ninja villages because all the villages took a heavy toll from the first shinobi war and then a long 20 years of peace will come soon.

'Which means I can accumulate power peacefully without fearing Danzo and his boyfriend for sometime because they are still in the beginning of their career.' I thought and my face relaxed which made me realise how tired I was from this little bit of contemplation.

"Yaawn! For now, let's just sleep and see what will happen, my baby brain can't handle all these complex thoughts" I uttered with a yawn and went to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day with Gintoki looking down at a naked Garou who was smugly kicking and slapping everywhere with a smirk so that Gintoki will have a hard time changing his diapers.

*Slap!* "Oww"

*Chuckles*

Garou slapped Gintoki's hand hardly which was quite strong much to the surprise of Gintoki who had shadows hiding his face while looking at the laughing Garou with dead eyes and a kunai hidden in his back, about to commit the unthinkable.

"Listen. I know you're going through it. Your teeth are fucked up, you don't look great, shitting all the time, can't even level up to boob 2 when you drink milk, but that's not your problem. Your problem is that you're acting like an annoying asshole to your mama and me. Your problem is that no one is gonna like you. You need to act like a normal person, talk like a normal fucking person, and I promise things will get better!" Gintoki said with spite which long made Garou stop moving around and laugh, his lips shaking and starting to breath heavily as he grunted, obviously, getting ready to cry bloody murder.

"Gin, you didn't mean what you said, right?!" Suddenly Ayaka looked at Gintoki behind the door of the room with a terrified look.

"..."

"Right?"

Gintoki made a sad smile and looked at the ceiling for a few moments, then glanced at Ayaka who was shaking her head in denial and dread before finally, Gintoki's gaze fell on the image of an ugly baby Garou who was a thread away from crying.

Gintoki then hit the iron while it was hot...

"You look like the last breath!"

'HOW DARE YOU JUNIOR!!' Garou cried.

And all hell broke loose.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAA WAAAAA WAAA!!!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

That day, no one slept.

______________________

2 years went by:

Garou continued on his journey through his infancy.

Ever curious, he explored around the village with his mom and sometimes dad, which suprisingly didn't fit to be called a village but a huge city because of the sheer size of it.

He once happened and looked at a map where he saw all of the elemental nations which can be inferred that the Naruto world's planet is roughly similar in size to our own Earth with one super continent and some islands which speaks volumes of how big that is as people on Earth used many advanced transportation advices to get where they wanted, and some of them still took a day and half or more with a plane.

And let's not talk about the slower methods like cars or ships which took many more time.

Now in a world where technological advancements was really confusing as they have electricity and TVs but still live like it's the Chûsei period, so Garou was really interested in how merchants and people who were not ninjas travelled in this vast world.

Maybe they made the cities and villages in a way that there will not be much distance between a place and another with Roman style roads connecting every city?

Most likely

---

In these two years, his fragile limbs grew stronger and began to explore the world around him.

His parents witnessed his first attempts at crawling when he was 5 months old which although surprised, they shrugged at it and called him a genius. Garou himself thought it was because of his monster physique doing its work.

His parents also noticed that he was much smarter than other children long ago, so his mother took the responsibility to teach him things from a young age while his father took care of him when his mother was tired or was in her monthly mood, which almost always lead to a brawl between the father-son duo.

All this time, Garou was enjoying and spending time with his parents and sometimes his clansmen who were all old people that took care of him. He didn't really care about training because soon his parents will force him into it anyways. As the only son of the clan head, he was required to be better than anyone.

Though, seeing his cheat physique giving him strength a child his age shouldn't have made him lazier.

Each of his milestones were celebrated with a large feast through the entire clan like taking his first steps at 9 and speaking not long after. His mom and dad's hearts swelled with pride each time. His dad drinking sake all day. His mom showering him with kisses and hugs. It was a really eye opening experience for him because who really remembered their childhood that much except for blurry images of nonsense?

So he cherished these blissful moments a lot. Though, a whole lots of new problems arouse when Garou became more mobile and talkative because that day was the day Gintoki got clapped hard.

Flashback to that day /

"D.....Da...."

"Awww look look Gin, Garou is trying to say dad!" Ayaka excitedly approached Garou who was laying on his back and was trying hard to say something, so she immediately called Gintoki in the other room.

"Finally! About time he speaks. I have long wanted to have a dad-son conversation with this little devil, thought he turns out a mute!" Gintoki said and tiredly came inside the room and leaned on the wall with his arms crossed and eyes closed, trying to act cool, but he couldn't hide the excited smile on his face as he attentively listened to his son trying to call him.

"D...D....Da..."

"Come on cup cake you can do it! Say daad say daaaad and next say mom too!" Ayaka encouraged Garou which made Garou try harder.

"Daa...Daaa....Daaaaaa" Garou tried to imitate his mom and became red from the effort of calling his dad, which made both parents to lean closer and closer each time with bigger smiles on their face.

"Daaaaaa.....Daaaaaaaaaaa!!" Garou cried louder and louder which made Ayaka and Gintoki more excited until finally...

It happened.

With shadows hiding his evil smirk, Garou slowly but surely turned his head slightly and glared at Gintoki with empty eyes which sent a sudden chill down the spine of his father as he sensed the grim future.

"You chiisai bitch desuka?"

"..."

"..."

The world slowed down to a snail's pace in Gintoki's eyes. Tears fell from his eyes. His body turning as white as a sheet of paper, already resigned to his fate as he sensed the demonic aura surrounding Ayaka.

He opened his eyes only to be met with eyes no human should have, and he, a logical man and an elite jonin already knew what he should do...

"Body flicker jutsu"

The moment he ran away, the door of the house exploded and he glanced at his back to see his wif–Devil in human skin following just behind him!!

"Rahhhhhh!!! Come back here you fuckerrrrr!!! How dare you teach little cup cake to speak like that! HOW....DARE...YOU?!" Ayaka roared which made the ever logical man to stop in his tracks after hearing her outburst because he knew running away was futile, and he immediately started to cry while kneeling before the Devil.

"sob sob sob, I swear on my dead old Pope's diapers it wasn't m–"

*BAM!*

Before he tried to explain himself a pan already made his way directly to his head which made his eyes barely stay in their sockets and knocked him unconscious.

Ayaka grabbed his leg and dragged him to somewhere while also creating a shadow clone.

"Go and get me my whip, it has been sometime since I used it. We will have a looooong night together my little Gin hehehe!" Ayaka said to her shadow clone who cracked her fingers and immediately went to get the lash.

From that day, Gintoki got an instinctual fear towards the mother and son. He will always remember this cursed day and put it in the clan archive for the future generations to realise what he went through because of his own stupidity. The day he lost trust in familial love and labelled kids as curses that make life of men harder.

If not for being a clan head, he would have left to buy milk.

Back in the room with Garou. He was grinning jewishly, feeling refreshed after so long, as if drinking a glass of cold water after being stranded in a desert for days.

Now he can sleep in peace, and he did so a moment later.

Flash Back End/

From that day, Ayaka was watching Garou closely so he wouldn't become a bad mouthed vulgar man like his dad which restricted Garou to some extent but he didn't care except for those times his mother taught him kanji and whatnot after knowing how much more mature he looked.

Garou also came to know that he exactly looked like the original Garou appearance-wise, which he didn't have much problem with as the guy was one of the few badass ones and was also slightly above average in terms of looks with explosive muscles.

He surely was grateful for this manly appearance that had a natural sharp look because he always hated overly 'Handsome' characters that had femboy type of faces with not a single speck of facial hair visible on their pussy faces, like fluffy white haired with blue or red eyes that screamed grape me diddy!

Men should look like men. Have some testosterone. Beautiful is not one of men's traits but reserved for women.

Be better.

This was one of the many reasons he hated cultivation novels... maybe except that Absolute Regression one.

But what made him excited these past few days was this news:

"I know you look lonely and don't have friends dear cup cake as our clan only have oldies and kids in their teen years, but soon the birthday of princess Tsunade will be held and she is your age too, you two can be great friends I am sure... maybe even fall in love early and marry." Ayaka said to Garou who was lazily laying on the floor scratching his ass before raising his eyebrow as he barely heard her last sentence which was not quite audible but his hearing was quite sharp thanks to his physique.

Though the news made him quite excited for a different reason, which was the opportunity to see some big names there.

Hopefully.

The End.

[I hate stories that spend 50 chapters on how a 1 year old Shotas act like Socrates and Plato, no one likes to read about children fucking around. So, I will try my best to time skip without breaking the pace too much.]

The day was filled with anticipation as my family and I prepared to attend the grand celebration of Princess Tsunade Senju's third birthday.

We adorned ourselves in our best attire as we prepared to meet what's akin to the royal family, each step filled with excitement as I couldn't wait to see what that fucker Tobirama looked like in real life.

"Hope I finally meet some of the other canon characters too; wonder what they would look like in real life. Can't wait!" I thought with anticipation.

As we arrived at the venue, my eyes widened in awe. The Senju clan compound was a sprawling estate adorned with lush gardens, vibrant flowers, and traditional architecture that reflected the rich history of the clan. The air was filled with a sense of grandeur, as the compound filled with people from the renowned clans and small clans of the village mingling together to celebrate the joyous occasion.

The Uchiha Clan, Senju Clan, Hyūga Clan, Nara Clan, Akimichi Clan, Yamanaka Clan, Inuzuka Clan, Aburame Clan, Sarutobi Clan, and Shimura Clan... etc. all present here.

"I don't recognize anyone present here; why is that?" I thought in confusion.

"Hmm, seems most of the clan heads aren't here," my dad said with a quite serious tone, much to my surprise, as this man was a scrub most of the time. He hardly showed any emotion other than being bored.

"It must be because of the war," my mom said in sadness while giving a half glance at my dad, and my dad only smiled warily and didn't reply.

Now that I think about it, the village looked so peaceful that it didn't look like it's going through a war, and I, with my infinite wisdom, never thought about it too but... meh, who cares.

As long as I have food to eat, a ceiling above me, and parents to cherish me, then the world can go fuck itself for all I care — not that I can bitch-slap everyone, when it wasn't long ago I stopped drinking mama's milk.

I don't have a God Rank Daily Login Whitebeard ching ching golden finger or 100000× Reward after my Pedo Ass teaches my cute students Bullshit From The Start!

So why even care?

Gosh, now that I remember... I always hated those titles of many fanfictions ending with "From The Start." Like, can you make it more obvious how much Chinese that sounds?

Every single Chinese work reminds me of Scum Che with how same they sound, blurghhh.

...

As my mom held my hand, slowly guiding me through the crowd as my legs were still small, weaved our way past distinguished figures and lesser-known clans. The atmosphere was electric, buzzing with whispered conversations and exclamations of admiration for the esteemed guests, and sometimes you could hear conversations concerning the war. My heart raced with excitement as I finally spotted some familiar faces.

Mito Uzumaki, exuding a warm and gentle aura, her kind eyes shining with wisdom.

And then, Garou's gaze fell upon Hashirama Senju, the legendary NTR shinobi known as the God of Shinobi.

"Wait a minute, Hashirama?!" I thought in surprise as I looked at the sick, pale guy supporting himself with a wooden cane, walking beside Mito.

"It's really him! Though he looks so sick and fragile, but damn I still get dangerous vibes from him!" I thought in curiosity as my eyes never left Hashirama's figure.

My parents were busy with Tsunade's parents to offer their heartfelt congratulations while I just stood behind Mom and looked at Mito and Hashirama, who approached us with slight vigilance as my body instinctively felt not really good in their presence, especially that woman, Mito!

One look and the goosebumps all across my body clearly told me that she was bad news!

"Ohh, Ayaka-chan, Gintoki-kun, how are you guys doing?!" Hashirama said after my parents finished their congrats.

Even though sick, he was still cheerful and asked with a Naruto kind of smile which screamed suspicious to me for some reason I didn't know. My body kinda felt repulsive towards him, and as for Mito...

"I am fine Hashirama-sama, thanks for asking," my mom replied while bowing respectfully.

"Thanks Hashirama-sama. I am doing fine as well. How is your health going?" my father bowed in response and asked calmly with clear respec—

'Respect?! That's new...' I thought in amusement.

"Everything is fine, just some sore muscles here and there. So Gintoki, I heard that Ayaka-chan gave birth to a son. Is this little guy him?" Hashirama asked enthusiastically as he looked at me with curiosity and a glint flashing in his eyes.

"Yes he is! His name is Garou, Hashirama-sama."

"He is the strongest ninja in the world, Garou — go and greet the God of Shinobi!" my father replied and introduced him to me, which made me slightly cringe; and with a smile, he gently pushed me towards him. I reluctantly went toward the man and, curiously, with narrowed eyes, I looked at Hashirama, who quickly contemplated something as he put his hand on his chin and examined me from top to bottom.

"Hmmm, Garou. G.a.r.o.u. Hmmmm. It's a nice name, Gintoki, and fits his looks too. He could scare the shit out of some kids later with those eyes, hahaha—bpfff!" My eyes twitched in annoyance at his remark, but then I looked at the person who hand-chopped Hashirama's head playfully.

"Quite being rude, Hashi. Can't you see how cute he looks? He looks like Tobi-chan when he was so little. Please, Ayaka-chan, Gintoki-kun, forgive him as he didn't mean to insult your son, and you know how he usually is," Mito said with a warm smile adorning her beautiful mature face that sent shivers down my spine for some unknown reason.

"You don't need to worry, Mito-sama; no offense taken. On a second thought, Hashirama-sama is right actuall—owww!" my father said nonchalantly, but Mom pinched him to shut up, though the damage was already done to my fragile feelings.

This fucker will take every opportunity to add his own two cents, and sadly... he is a pro.

"On a second thought, I actually took offense. I need compensation. My heart is broken," I said with a deadpan expression while ignoring my dad booing at me under his breath.

That brings about the question: who is the kid here again?

I was distracted for a second and didn't expect Mito suddenly grabbing me with both hands and raising me to her eye level with her elegant smile still on her face. That glint in her eyes couldn't be hidden from me and it was freaking me out as I started to sweat and smile awkwardly.

I was tense like a robot as I waited for what this beautiful demon would do.

'I should have stayed home and played dead for real!' I thought nervously.

"Ara ara, you don't need to be afraid of auntie. Now now, look how cute you are up close, those innocent eyes of yours. I am sure you and Tsuna will become great friends!" Mito said as she stroked my hair gently, with me awkwardly looking at her with some snot coming down my nose.

'Innocent eyes?' Gintoki thought with his eyebrow twitching for a second as if he heard the biggest lie.

I pitifully looked at Mito with puppy eyes, which may have looked like an ugly ogre unintentionally, helplessly hoping she would put me down as the amount of goosebumps became unbearable, but I still replied without any fear...

"Put me down, woman, before I start to cry—"

"Muahahaha!"

I didn't get to threaten these guys with my ultimate move as at that moment, a cute laughter rung out and a blond blur ran past us and latched herself onto the leg of Hashirama excitedly.

"Grandpa! Grandpa! I want money so that I can play with the other kids!" a little girl said while pulling Hashirama's arm in a hurry.

"And why the hell do you need money to play with the other kids?! Don't tell me you are trying to scam those kids but lose all the money instead?!" Hashirama said in surprise as he picked up the little bundle of joy who had a mischievous wry smirk as she avoided the piercing glare from Mito.

"Didn't I tell you to stop interacting with bad people, Tsunade?" Suddenly a deep voice said behind Hashirama — and lo behold who that is;

The man who made the Flying Thunder God to counter the Sharingan and mastered Water Style to counter the Uchiha's fire.

The genius.

The cunning.

The badass.

The Batman of this verse.

The person with legal rights to be racist...

Tobirama Senju.

With arms crossed, he was standing there... menacingly.

My eyes were filled with stars as I looked at him. His obsessive paranoid ass was one thing I was quite jealous of and admired.

'I had figurines of you, my TOPbirama,' I thought with a fanatic expression.

"Hmph! I will punch every bad people if they act bad!" Tsunade said in a childish tone with a snort as she raised a fist, which was quite cute.

"And what if you were the bad one acting bad? Will you punch yourself too?" Tobirama said.

"Eh?"

"Let the after-party punishment be my gift to you, dear granddaughter." Without much thought, Tobirama said with a slight smile that left Tsunade speechless.

"You are so meannnnnn!! Meannyyyyy~!!" Tsunade cried, but Tobirama ignored her.

And guess what happened?

Let me tell you, being handsome has some drawbacks. It's really tiring to always be the centre of attention, sighhhh...

"By the way, is that your son, Gintoki, Ayaka?" Tobirama's attention went on me and he asked with narrowed eyes while approaching me.

"Yes, sensei!" ×2

And lo behold, surprise after surprise. My parents seem to be his students just like Hiruzen and Danzo. And just look how serious they look.

It doesn't fit them at all.

"I don't know what — or maybe I know — but this son of yours seems quite... out of the norm? And feels unusual... or demonic?" Tobirama said, the last part not even a whisper but coming out as a grunt I didn't understand. His eyes narrowed and calculative in front of me, which made me a little nervous but not as much as this devilish woman who was still holding me.

Unbeknownst to me, she was scanning my whole body with her Kagura eyes and chakra, which made Tobirama lock eyes with her for a split second but not say anything. He slowly backed away and turned to look at my parents.

"Well, it was nice seeing you, but there's a war going on right now, so I need to go. Also, I know Ayaka has retired, but I expect you again on the frontlines, Gintoki. Don't be late," Tobirama said in a serious no-nonsense tone, which made my father smile warily and nod in understanding.

"And you kid... you must become the pride of the village and the Hatake clan. Don't disappoint me!" Tobirama told me with no room for me to refuse, and I just nodded without really taking his words seriously.

*puff*

And Tobirama, which seemed to be his shadow clone, puffed out of existence.

"Well my friends, this bundle of joy here is Tsunade. And Tsunade here are the Hatake family. Gintoki, Ayaka, and their son Garou. Now go and greet them," Hashirama suddenly introduced Tsunade and patted her back to come forward; we curiously looked at her hiding behind Hashirama's leg.

She slowly and shyly came forward and then, "H... hello," she said while looking away and twirled her golden hair.

'Hard to believe that this adorable little girl will become that future bombshell!' I thought as I carefully examined her.

My parents then gave a little bow and, "Happy birthday, Princess Tsunade," said at the same time.

Thankfully, Mito put me down and I quickly backed away from her, standing beside Dad. Now, I was face to face with Tsunade and locked eyes with her.

We stayed like this for a while as Tsunade expected me to do the same as my parents and was curious too.

"Psst, cupcake, congratulate her. Don't be rude," my father whispered in my ear, still bowing.

"Do I really need to bow?" I said in a tired tone.

"Of course!" my mom said as she hurried me to go and bow before this cute little thing.

I was about to bow but suddenly an idea struck me!

I grinned mischievously as I looked at my parents, who suddenly felt a bad premonition, then I opened my mouth. "I think I am ready for the compensation!" I declared, loud enough Hashirama and Mito could hear.

"What?" ×2

My parents had question marks appear above them.

Just bow and be done with it, damn loudmouth; Gintoki and Ayaka thought.

Hashirama warily smiled.

Mito and Tsunade curiously looked at me.

And I didn't disappoint, so I began to speak:

"Tch, my heart—it was the last thing I had in this accursed world, but today, even that got broken mercilessly!" I said and ignored the weird looks.

"Hey kid, what you on abou—"

"I lived my whole life saying yes to orders from above, wearing my heavy armor and a box containing my weapon everywhere with me, mostly to the base my boss resided! If I didn't follow orders, I would be exiled immediately or worse, die," I continued ominously with shadows hiding my face as I ignored my father's questioning about my life story.

"Child labour?!!" Gintoki muttered under his breath with shock. Immediately became hooked on the Bullshit.

Heh, simpleton.

'Wait, child labour? You ninjas are the last people that should get surprised over that.' I thought as I glanced at the dumbass briefly before continuing.

It wasn't just Gintoki; Tsunade also listened attentively to me with her mouth slightly open.

"Evil boss!" she muttered.

The adults were becoming annoyed slowly though.

"In a tall building made from heavy metal and concrete, 80 floors. I had to take the stairs many times just so I could talk with the boss about literally nothing that could contribute to our lives!" I continued as my voice grew heavier between each breath.

Mom was beginning to crack her fists.

"A metal building that tall?! How come I haven't seen like it anywhere in Elemental nations?!" Hashirama said to himself with stars shining in his eyes as he also got hooked.

"Sighhh," Mito being Mito as she looked at these kids.

"One day, I got late to be on time, and you know what the boss did to me?!" I asked while clenching my teeth.

"What?" Tsunade muttered in fear as she slowly supported her back by Hashirama's leg.

"He put me in a dark cave! Made me deal with three green snake monsters intertwined for 14 hours straight! Every. Single. Day!" I cried in indignation as I looked at her.

[Snake picture]

Tsunade immediately put her hands on her mouth in shock at the revelation.

Gintoki listened carefully as he imagined the hardships I went through in that building.

Hashirama was... hey, why is he crying?

"How did you survive?!" Tsunade asked with trembling lips.

I smirked.

*step step step*

I got closer to her, which made her quite scared because I didn't hold back on using my face to scare the shit out of her as I grinned at her like a certain clown from One Piece.

I slowly reached for her small delicate hand.

She fearfully tried to retract her hand but I was faster and grabbed it.

"I survived by..." I said but stopped speaking.

I looked around me to see that some people besides my parents, Hashirama, and Mito had gathered closer and looked at us with curiosity.

Then I turned to lock my eyes with Tsunade again.

"I survived by using a forbidden secret technique passed down to me by my ancestors; even my father knows it..." I stopped talking again.

'What?!! He knows a secret technique?! Don't tell me!!' Gintoki cried in his heart, his mind jolting awake instantly.

"What secret technique?!" Gintoki shouted quickly as he suspiciously looked at me with sweat drenching his body, hands trembling.

'No no no Noooo!!' Gintoki cried in his mind.

'How does he know about Konohagakure Hidden Secret Taijutsu Technique: One Thousand Years of Death?! I remember I haven't taught that forbidden technique to anyone since its creation!! Is it really that technique?!' Gintoki thought in fright.

No one must know about it.

'Please noooo! I planned to use it on Danzo!! I really should not have written the technique on a scroll and put it on a book shelf in the library! He must have read it and mastered it!'

It was a trump card he worked on for years to perfect; Gintoki thought.

.

Garou didn't waste any more time and quickly, before anyone could act...

*Woooshhh!!*

He was on one knee.

"Cough cough."

Need a smooth throat for this; He thought.

"Forbidden Secret Technique: Latch Onto That Rich Thigh Then A Thousand Years Of Life Won," I muttered under my breath.

Then...

"PLEASE MARRY ME, PRINCESS TSUNADE!!!!!"
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"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." ×80

*criiik criik criik*

Cockroaches becoming active in broad daylight as they sang their praise for this wonderful day.

The compound stood in eerie stillness for uncomfortable amounts of time.

Gintoki had his mouth hitting the floor.

Ayaka had the Aura of Ten Tails surrounding her suddenly.

Hashirama was confused because why did the story end with marriage all of a sudden? Where is that epic battle? Could the secret technique rival the strongest release of his wood?

Mito, well, she was smiling while Ara Araing, mouth hidden behind a hand fan.

As for everybody else, they were seething with rage as every clan representative and head were cursing my name as if I stole the greatest treasure in Konoha, or maybe the world.

Everyone was bamboozled.

Tsunade herself? White as a sheet as if her soul was sucked out of her body. Mouth slack-jawed and eyes rolled back as she faced my best charming smile that could rival the greatest of princes, eyes twinkling like stars.

Heh, my genius is top in the art of unexpected.

"WHATTTTTTTTT?!!!" Tsunade and Gintoki shouted with some other extra characters who didn't matter.

"What did you say, cupcake?" I suddenly heard an anger-laced whispering voice beside my ear that promised pain, which belonged to my mom.

My non-existent battle experience at that moment told me to just prostrate myself and accept the humiliation Mom would put me through as it was for the greater good, but...

What's a man without dreams?

Dreams... NEVER END!

So, I didn't react to her lifeless eyes.

"Just wait some moments Mom, I am pulling my ultimate move right now! Jose Mourinho can't pull no shit on me swear to god Mom!" I said quickly.

"You can't!" My mom silently cried as she looked at the shocked face of Tsunade.

"Well, I just did!" I replied back cooly.

I glanced at my dad only to see him sighing in relief with sweat drenching his face as if he really did battle a great green intertwined snake while muttering about secrets and forbidden, which I didn't quite get, so I ignored him and focused my attention back on Tsunade.

Tsunade quickly removed her hands from my soft, delicate, chubby, and prince-like hands with a furious blush that threatened to burst.

"A... a... bu... but—" She stammered as she fidgeted left and right, grabbing the hem of her clothes nervously.

Mom surprisingly stepped back and, with everybody else, we waited to see what Tsunade will say.

If she said okay, then arranged marriage it is, even though it is more complicated and won't simply happen right away, but the acceptance in itself will be great news for the Hatakes.

If she said no, then... tough luck I guess.

Honestly speaking, this was kind of a pedophile move I pulled if one might think, but... Garou was a man with a unique vision.

He didn't look at this kid as a subject to God forbids, as someone to be sexually intimate with.

Not yet at least in the slightest.

No. As a 21st-century person who had dealings in business even though not a businessman, he felt obliged to take opportunities before it was too late.

Like that time he lost the opportunity to buy land when he was still drinking mama's milk or buy a hundred Bitcoin when he was 6.

No! It must not happen again.

Other people are blessed with Sharingan, Byakugan, and stuff like that, and Garou also possessed a special eye like that.

The eye is called:

'The All Seeing Eyes of Investments...

And Boobs.'

Simply put, open your brains and see into the future, forever single suckers.

Manipulate Tiiimeee!

.

"D... d... do you have ammmm—" Tsunade finally stuttered as she fidgeted her fingers together while shyly looking at the ground, not daring to meet my charming twinkling heart-melting and all-seeing eyes.

"I don't understand, sweetheart; I have what?" I gently asked with a charming prince-like smile with eyes that could see beyond the veils of time.

Did I mention twinkling star-like eyes?

Together, with the people around me, we curiously looked at the shy little kid who was about to reveal to us... verses.

"D... do y... you have... m...m....mo–" She stuttered continously.

"Come on let it out!" I said with the patience of a Buddha.

"Mm....mmo...mm"

"Come on girl you can do it,"

"Mm...mo..monn...mon,"

"Just breathe just breathe and spit it out, come on,"
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"Do you have money?" She finally said what she said with a straight face as if her earlier shyness was just an illusion.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..." ×80

*silence*

The same silence that lingered after my shocking declaration.

*criik criik criik*

The Cockroaches seem to be free today.

And now we have a bamboozled crowd.
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"She a gold digger, son. It ain't worth it," I heard father from the side while shaking his head in disappointment but immediately shut up after getting a glare from Mito and Mom.

"..."

I already deactivated my super charming all-seeing Eyes of Investment and looked in deadpan at this cute little shit.

"It seems a man's dream sometimes is just... a dream." I depressingly stepped back until I was beside Father, who put his hand on my head with a sad expression.

"Son, how was it? Did you win?" Father asked me.

"She said she liked me for my money," I replied with shadows hiding my face as father slowly knelt down then hugged my fragile and shivering body in support so I would not lose my self to despair.

"It will soon pass, don't worry," he whispered in my ear to comfort me.

"Kinda gay if you ask me, but... thanks, Dad," I replied with silent tears.

"I love you, son."

"I love you too, Dad."

"..."

"..."

"I love you too guys."

Even Hashirama was depressed and made this a three-way manly hug. Except I didn't trust Hashirama though, dude is gae as fuck!

"Bros before hoes, huh?" I said.

"Indeed." ×2

This would have been wholesome if Ayaka wasn't fuming in rage and Mito didn't have tick marks appearing all over her perfect face.

"Ara ara, kids these days don't know how to show manners; maybe I should teach you guys some proper lessons, don't you think?" Mito said as she stood behind Hashirama which made a shiver run down his spine, elegantly employing her hand fan to partially obscure her mouth, with the fan's coverage extending until just below her eyes. The fan was carved with the Uzumaki emblem while she stared at us with her half-closed eyes and an ominous aura around her.

And we men, knowing when to let go, already separated from each other... reluctantly.

"Ohh, so you don't have money. Hmphhhh! Then NO! I won't marry you, silly!" Tsunade cried and ran away somewhere after pulling her tongue out at me.

"In other words: your broke ass ain't covering my makeup and shi? Suck it then," Father translated and whispered beside my ear.

"Thanks for the interpretation, Dad." I was genuinely thankful. He must have used 10 years worth of inner Qi to tell me the hidden intricacies of those words.

Hope he won't fall into Qi Deviation because of this. I don't know the divine ping ping medical technique to cure him.

Now I seem to understand why Hashirama eyed Madara a lot at last.

Women really tend to make life hard and... costly.

.

'Quite the crowd we gathered around us,' I thought as I looked at the people watching us in amusement, enjoying the show.

Some sighed in relief at the rejection as they patted their sons beside them with a smirk as if Tsunade wouldn't reject them like me because they were richer.

And knowing how Tsunade seemed to like money, some had the thoughts of using just that to make connections.

At that moment, someone grabbed my shoulders and whispered in my ear, "50 spanks hehehe!" Mom said in a menacing giggle which made sweat run down my back, and I didn't dare look back to see my mom's eyes.

"Wahahaha, you will surely make good friends. Take good care of her, little Garou; she is a bit fiery at times but she is actually a good girl. And don't take the rejection to heart; she is still just a kid. Maybe next time," Hashirama said with a laugh and I nodded in response.

Yeah as Shakespeare says in his sonnet 116:

Don't love your job, job your love.

A simple setback like this won't make me give up easily, there is so much at stake here.

Still need to Manipulate Tiiimeee!!

.

"This matter aside. Gintoki, how is that prodigious kid I heard a lot about? His name was Sakumo, right?" Hashirama asked my dad.

And colour me impressed... but not really. Sakumo Hatake, slave of the century.

"I really don't know, Hashirama-sama. I haven't gotten any news from him since they left for their missions," my father replied while scratching his head.

"Ohh, too bad. I really wanted to meet them. I heard that kid Sakumo contributed to the ongoing war quite well. Maybe I will go and meet him when I get back to the frontlines. But for now, Gintoki, Ayaka-chan, and little Garou, I will go and attend to the other guests if you don't mind," Hashirama said with an apologetic smile.

"Please go and don't let us annoy you anymore, Hashirama-sama," my father replied and bowed again, with my mother who put her hand on my head to forcefully make me bow, much to my annoyance.

"Oh, please don't worry! It's my pleasure to be here with you. Now Mito-chan, let's go," Hashirama said as he and Mito left while giving one last side look at me.

Finally, we separated as if nothing happened here.

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General POV /

"Did you feel it?" suddenly Hashirama asked with a serious face.

"You mean little Garou? Well, he sure has a strong vitality, even more than some Uzumakis in Uzushio," Mito replied, still with her usual warm smile.

"Yes, but I didn't mean that. I meant that foreign feeling he exudes that I sensed. I felt danger from him, Mito! A really great danger that made me feel like vomiting! Do you know how hard it was to restrain myself and not attack him?!" Hashirama said with some concern.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Mito said in indifference with a shadow hiding her face.

"You know better than me what I am talking about, so I want you to watch over him carefully as he grows. There mustn't be any mishaps and this matter is unprecedented. I hope you don't go back on your promise after I am gone, Mito," Hashirama said with narrowed eyes before he went back to his usual cheerful self.

Mito, as if she understood the meaning behind his words, looked down in sadness as a secret tear came down her face. She looked back at the small figure from afar to memorize his face, then she turned back and continued her walk and attended to the other guests with the usual beautiful smile adorning her face again.

.

And like this, our day came to an end, and before we knew it, time passed really quick.

The End.
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Hatake's household/

"You got rejected! Bhajahahahahahhahahahahahah!!" Gintoki laughed hysterically while pointing at a fuming Garou.

"You really want to go that far?! Then who was that meek subservient little cute gugu gaga respectful shinobi in front of Hashirama, huh?!" Garou shouted.

"Huh, what do you mean?! I was perfectly normal!!" Gintoki shouted back.

"Ohhh, HelLO HaShiRaMa-sAma How aRe u? Oh oh, wAnT Me tO mesaaaaage YoUr backk? Huh? WanT mE to liCk your siCk butt bwahahahaha!" Garou shouted at Gintoki, which made his mom in the kitchen suppress her laugh.

"Shut it!!"

"Bwahahahahahah!" Garou didn't stop laughing at Gintoki who was shaking while biting his lower lip with a vein protruding on his forehead and fists clenching.

"I SAID SHUT YOUR MOUTHHHHHH YOU REJECT!!" Gintoki shouted in anger but Garou didn't back down.

"HUH?! OR WHATTT?!! YOU WILL CALL YOUR DADDY HASHIRAMA?!"

"NOW YOU HAVE DONE IT!!
FORBIDDEN SECRET TECHNIQUE:" Gintoki shouted as he weaved hand seals with lightning speed that scared Garou shitless immediately.

"WAIT WAIIIIITTTT! IT WAS A JOKEEEEE! A JOKEEEE!!!!"

"ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATHHHHH!!!"

*peww!*

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

And it was at that moment, Garou was finally Baptised: Hatake style.

True Ending.

Time flew fast and not long after the birthday party of Tsunade, 1 year later to be exact, Senju Hashirama...

Died.

----------------

4 in the morning/

In the heart of Konoha, a heavy shroud of grief hung over the village as news of Hashirama Senju's impending passing spread like wildfire. The once vibrant streets were now hushed, the usual hustle and bustle replaced by somber whispers and downcast gazes.

Mito Uzumaki, Hashirama's wife, stood tall. Clutching her granddaughter, Tsunade in her arms.

Mito's heart ached as she glanced down at Tsunade, who looked up at her with innocent eyes filled with tears and sadness.

"It's okay sweet Tsunade, I am still here with you. Don't worry." Mito said.

Tsunade clung to Mito's robes, her small form trembling.

"W-will we never see grandpa again?" Tsunade said with tears running down her cheeks.

Mito's voice quivered as she tried to find the right words, her grip on Tsunade tightening.

"My dear child, Don't worry because someday, we will meet him again." Mito tried to reason with slightly trembling lips.

Looking down at the ground Tsunade asked "Where are my parents, grandma? Why are they not here too?"

Widening her now red eyes from tears "They went to a far away place helping people, don't worry child they'll come back soon." Mito replied as her voice cracked slightly.

How could she tell her the truth that her parents died too on the line of mission not long ago and their corpses are now missing!

(Author here/ One less person to care writing about. Nawaki I mean.)

Tsunade just looked at the ground, disappointed and didn't say anything further, just silently cried.

As the procession reached the sacred grove. Mito cradled Tsunade in her arms, her heart heavy. The village elders, dressed in traditional robes, recited prayers that echoed through the grove, their voices carrying the anguish of a grieving village.

The casket, adorned with symbols of the Senju clan, was lowered into the ground gently.

Weirdly, at this moment, all Mito's mind was on a particular boy that changed many things since she saw him. She used chakra to pinpoint the white haired child standing in the far back alone with his parents.

Only to see a child who was wiping his snoty nose in fake sadness and was very sleepy.

.

"Damn, he dead!" Garou whispered in slight surprise but not unexpected.

"Be quite and pay respects to him son, he was fighting for you to sleep peacefully at your couch all this time." Gintoki replied in a serious tone with eyes closed and hands together in prayer with Ayaka.

'Acting tough huh? Why not reveal who you really are?' Thought Garou with a smirk as he glanced at the unbefit serious dad.

"Sighhh, I really hate going to funerals, I am not a mourning person you see." Garou whispered a pun to his father. Then he joined his dad and also put his hands together and prayed for someone to delete the history search inside his mobile phone back on earth.

"Stop."

"I heard this cemetery is quite popular in Konoha, people are dying to get in." Garou whispered again and Gintoki's mouth twitched for a second. He bit his lips while thinking when it all went wrong and this monster with no remorse got to be born.

Not realizing since Garou was an infant, there was not a day Gintoki didn't act like a jack ass in front of Garou.

Now this... is the byproduct of all those times.

"Stop, jokes about death are never funny..." Gintoki whispered back and started to pray again.

"Ohh, so you mean that my skeleton puns are not Humerus?" Garou replied with a smirk which made Gintoki bit his lips again as he didn't want to burst out laughing in this place as it will instantly ruin the reputation of the Hatake clan for generations to come, so with a little bit of chakra and elite jonin experience he controlled himself back.

"Stop"

"If you think these are not funny, then you are dead wrong"

"Stop"

"Sighh, seems you have no spine and can't take a joke or two. Come onnn, I know this is serious but the dead are dead and we must simply move on. I am bored to DEATH you see!" Garou whined which made Gintoki to actually nod his head and agree. They already shed enough tears and simply can't shed no more for God's sake!

Anymore sad stuff and he feels a Sharingan will awaken for sure.

"Sighh Okay, listen..." At last, Gintoki with a stupid grin, couldn't control himself, he gave in and joined Garou in his shenanigans... on a fucking funeral mind you!

"what do you call a boner in the funeral?"

"Pfffft, what?" Garou said while holding his laugh with both hands, not because of the incoming pun, but because he already expected what his father will go through when they go back home because his mother's eyes were already burning with hell's fire at the moment.

"Pfffffttt, A mourning wood!" Gintoki said with a victorious smirk while laughing on mute, eyes still closed, not realizing the impeding doom.

I had a devilish smile on my face as I replied "Stop cracking jokes, you are dead to me!"

"Hmm, what do you mea-" And it was at that moment where Gintoki slightly opened his left eye because he didn't expect I will stop just there. And what greeted him was the image of his wife, Ayaka, who lifelesly stared ay him with eyes more dreadful than Rennigan.

"Shishishishi, You also need a coffin to start the day? Hashirama-sama looks lonely you know, you can fix that." Garou said with restrained laughter to Gintoki who was already a dead man walking.

His mother didn't blame Garou for being an ass, but blamed his father who since Garou's infant-hood, he didn't stop being toxic for a second, so the attention of Ayaka was all on the damned Gintoki who taught their 3 years old and clearly genius son these things.

"Let's go back home" Ayaka said with an aura of dread surrounding her and started to walk back home with me and my Dead beat dad behind her.

Though, how could Garou let go of this opportunity? So after sometime, when they were far away from the cemetery, he opened his mouth.

"Mooom~ what does mouuuurning wood and boner mean?" Garou asked in an extremely innocent face, eyes so watery and big, with a gentle voice that you could literally see a holy light radiating around him.

"You, Monster!" Gintoki muttered with despair as he looked at the devil who was acting like an angel.

And all hell broke loose.

"Body flicker jutsu"

*Booom!!*

"GET BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF SHIT! HOW DARE YOU TEACH cup cake THOSE THINGS HUUUH?!!"

..----------

Meanwhile, only God knows how but Mito was eavesdropping on them from afar with a deadpan expression. Speechless to the point that she forgot that his husband is dead.

"I am going home."

_________________

Time again flew by until it was the day of Garou getting to refine his chakra.

THE END.

Tears welled up in the eyes of parents seeing their children go to war, siblings embracing one another tightly for the last time, and friends clapping each other on the back. The entire village erupted in applause and cheers, gratitude pouring forth from every corner as these heroes in ninja attire were passing by the exit gate then to the frontlines and fight for the peace of the village.

The death of Hashirama made all the other villages relentless and a huge war never before seen was currently going on because the one they feared the most is now dead and none can restrain the movements of these villages anymore. These events caused a huge stir and demanded more soldiers to fight in this war. Every day, either more ninjas went to the frontlines or some very few came back. Hence, why all these people here to bid farewell on every tuesday.

And there I stood, as lazy as ever, reluctantly dragged out of my cozy spot under a tree to witness this spectacle.

It was alot to take in when I saw kids around 7 years old or less in full body gears going to war. I thought that my life will become a hell of training and killing because of war too, but after some calculations, I thought that it won't be long before the peace treaty will be signed and I won't need to participate in this bullshit for a very long time afterwards.

I will have 20+ years to train.

Even if I laze around and do nothing, I am sure with the Essence, I will become a Super Kage in that time interval... hopefully.

.

I turn and look at my dad who was making a serious face as he looked at these people depart. Gintoki is an elite jonin and a disciple of the now Second Hokage Tobirama Senju, his only reason for not participating in this war is suprisingly...me.

This dude took permission from Hashirama and Tobirama to be exempted of his duties and stay at home for some years so that he could take care of me, until he was sure I remembered him in case he died, and for me to not think I was a complete orphan with irresponsible parents or me thinking he abandoned me, which is kinda admirable, I liked this side of him he tried to hide so hard.

And Ayaka, my mom, the demon lord of the house is a high jonin, also a diciple of Tobirama, but retired after getting pregnant with me, so...

"Sighhh, all these buzz is hurting my head. My legs hurt and in a serious need of cracking my back, so please, let's just go home. Is that too much to ask?" I said tiredly and frustrated as I didn't like crowded places that much, and this is not the first time we are here to bid farewell to people.

Suprisingly, it seems we still have some young Hatake blood amongst us who just went to war now and it would be rude to not honor them with our presence.

Though I am sure they will soon die too.

"Stop acting like an old man, you freaking people out." My father replied in the same tired expression as me, and some people were glancing at me for how weird I was or... looked?

"Isn't it normal for geniuses to be this way? You and mom are calling me as such for sometime now." I said with a smirk and shrugged helplessly.

"Son, what you said is true, but son... there is a thin line between a genius and a creep, and to be honest with you... you are going further, slowly becoming freakish! Not in the good way though." Gintoki said, rubbing his temples in frustration while looking back at Ayaka inside a grocery store buying things, and the problem is, she is in there for over a hour now!

"Tsk, at least I am not called a genius for being a successful murderer." I replied with disdain.

"What do you mean by that? Ninjas are cool!" Gintoki said with a proud look while posing a little.

"Ohh, who told you that? Your parents? Sorry to burst your delulu bubble, but killing people in cold blood ain't cool no matter how you look at it in every logical and sane way." I replied while looking at my father in slight disgust which made him look at me with an extremely tired expression as if I was a lost cause.

"Sighh, son, I don't know where the hell did you get these kinds of advanced ideas as it actually doesn't suit your face at all. But seriously, you need a wake up call. Where do you think we live? Pure lands? This world is fucked up, not as much your head but still close, so you should know better!" Gintoki replied with a pissed look as he was running out of patience waiting for his wife and his ninja experience isn't helping much, though not as much of a stress as Garou spouting bullshit.

"Hoooo, you call me fucked up but you know what's actually more fucked up?
Why not listen to what other children has to say about this matter..." I replied and together with a reluctant Gintoki who didn't know anything better to do, we listened to the conversations happening around us.

...

"Mom! When I grow up I will become a strong ninja!" A kid said.

"Ohh~ that's so sweet I am sure you will sweety!" The mother replied.

...

"Annnnd what's wrong?" Gintoki asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Shhhhh, Just listen" I replied.

...

"Soon, I will go to the battlefield too, just wait for me!"

"When I grow up I will kill 5 ninjas and become a hero!" Another kid said to his friend.

"No! when I grow up I will kill 20 no...50 enemy ninjas!" Another kid said happily.

"I will kill 100" Another one.

"I will kill 500" Another one.

"When I grow up I will become Hokage and invade every land...and...and...become a hero too!" Another one.

"When I grow up, I will make sure to avenge my dad!!" And another one.

"I will slice their throats!"

"I will beat and kill every other ninja!"

"I hate Iwa"

"Me too"

"I will cause a massacre with my toy kunai my dad bought me yesterday!"

"When I grow up, I will torture a girl! and take revenge for my big brotha!"

"I wil fuc–"

...

"Okay okay I get it! I get it! damn! This village is seriously messed up!" Gintoki said in slight surprise as he listened to these monsters-in-making.

"I am telling ya dude, ninjas are edgy and sick! Become a Samurai instead. At least, they are fighting for something meaningful and not bullshit grudges between butt hurt Kages." I said with a nod to myself as besides Shikamaru or maybe the Nara clan and Akimichi Clan in general, I didn't really like anyone among ninjas.

Mostly because they are all messed up in some way.

He was quite thankful he was reborn in the Hatake clan and not Uchiha or something else because that would have been a drag with every moment being a struggle of getting further from logic.

All it would have taken was a fart to scare you shitless and kaboom! 3 tomoe sharingan spinning from intense emotional damage and lo behold, you will become a certified psychopath right there and then because literally no one who has a Sharingan is a sane individual!

No thank you.

Though he was sure his parents also had a screw loose somewhere.

"Your logic is flawed" Gintoki said. Even though he didn't admit it but he quite agreed with Garou, not entirely though because this is the reality they live in and the way of his and everyone's lif–

"At least it's not my life which is flawed."

And here goes whatever little hope he had for this little fucker that he willingly agreed to come out of his balls back in the day "Watch your tongue kid, you are going too far!" Gintoki said as he gave Garou a glare, ready to brawl!

This kid is becoming more toxic with each passing day. He didn't raise him like this, he was sure of that, yes. How in the hell is he this smart and self aware by the way? He knows his genes are awesome but this is getting a little creepy; Gintoki thought.

"Me?! Taking it too far?! Seriously, the bar is in hell okay? When was a day you wouldn't take it far beyond even that huh? Want me to shout my moma's name to BUST your ass like she did a while back?!" I intentionally threatened loudly with my own glare and got some awwww from some men around us who heard me much to the embarrassment of the elite jonin, which made him regret what he said instantly.

"Okay sheesh, chill, I was just joking and ohh look! Your mother also seems to be back!" Gintoki immediately said and quickly approached Ayaka to help hold the bags of groceries, avoiding me and accepting the L for today.

"Finally I will go back and sleep" I said as I happily followed him.

"Ahh, don't even think about it, you will get your chakra refined today and start training, your academy years will start 5 months from now and as a member of a renowned clan I will never let you slack off." My dad said nonchalantly.

"You can't do that!" I replied in shock as I pointed at him with my feet.

"Hehe! we getting physical soon son!"

"Shit"

------------

Later that day /

Somewhere In the garden of our house:

*pat pat*

"Son, It is time to refine your chakra, the wellspring of power that flows within everything basically!" My dad said with a proud smile while patting my shoulder.

"I don't trust you" I bluntly said without hesitation.

"It's no time for jokes son, this time it's serious, one wrong move and you go boom boom!" Gintoki said with narrowed eyes.

"That's concerning" I replied with a shudder.

"It is. Now, as I told you earlier back this day that I will send some chakra to your back and circulate it for you then you just have to repeat it, and you don't have to worry because it's too easy as the moment I send it, your chakra will immediately act like another skeletal muscle you have. You can even do it yourself but it will take more time to get the feel of it." Gintoki said and we both sat cross legged with eyes closed and father behind my back with his hands attached to my bare back.

"Usually, after circulating your chakra inside your chakra pathways for 10 or 15 times the process will be finished, so have patience..." He said and I nod, then he started to send some chakra from my back, and little by little move it to my abdomen, after that to every inch of my body.

'It's warm' I thought as I already memorized everything that my dad was doing to my chakra.

"Good, now all you have to do is just circulate. I will go and sit to watch from afar." Seeing me get the hang of it, he lazily walked and layed on a cushion in an enclosed wooden strip of floor.

I ignored him and with my eyes still closed, I circulated the blue energy through my chakra pathways like what he did.

"One" I muttered as I finished one circulation.

"Two"

"Three"

"..."

"Fou-"

"Good job son just like that!"

*BOOOOM!!!*

"AHHHHHH! IT HURTS IT HURTS HEEELP AHHHHHHHHH !!" With a small explosion inside my body the chakra started to act up wildly and an unbearable pain suddenly started to course through my whole being.

Just right after, everything went still for a moment and then...

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM *

An explosion shook the garden and the house with dust and debris dispersing wildly.

Gintoki was still laying comfortably with his jaw dropped to the floor from shock as the dust cleared and an image of a battered Garou became visible as he layed curled and immobile inside a small pit.

"Ohh shid!" Gintoki cried and ran towards Garou frantically like a headless chicken.

"WHAT WAS THAT EXPLOSION?!" Ayaka shouted loudly as she immediately approached the duo but then her eyes laid on Garou's laying body.

"OHHH SHITTT!!" Gintoki shouted in fear as he saw the furious Ayaka.

"SON! MY BABY! MY CUP CAKE! WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!" Ayaka shouted at Gintoki angrily as she grabbed him by the neck.

"I-it's not t-time for this! let's h-hurry up to the h-hospital!" Gintoki said with tears running down his face from fear, barley able to breathe.

*swoosh*

Ayaka let go of Gintoki quickly and grabbed the battered Garou and hurried towards the hospital, her afterimage barley noticeable from the sheer speed.

It didn't take long and Gintoki disappeared as well following Ayaka with a worried face.

The End.

[You can find this fic on webnovel with more than 30 chapters ahead.]
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A day later/

Somewhere in a hospital;

The hospital room was clean and bright, with fluorescent lights overhead. The bed was comfortable, covered in white sheets and soft pillows.

Machines beeped and monitored the patient's vital signs. Wires and tubes connected the patient to the equipment, helping them heal.

A big window let in sunlight, and the curtains swayed gently. The room smelled clean, like soap.

Garou woke up in the hospital with a splitting headache "Arghh, my head! What happened?" He winced at the pain in his head and looked around.

At that moment, the door opened and his mom entered the room with visible tear stains on her face.

She looked up and met Garou's tired eyes then in a burst of speed she hugged him tightly "MY BABY!"

"My baby, I thought you will die!" She said as tears streamed down her eyes.

Garou smiled and hugged her back tightly "There there, I am alright as you can see you don't need to worry mom." he said while patting her mother's back gently.

But...

*Bam!*

To his annoyance, his father entered with a bang, interrupting his wholesome moment with his mom.

"Yo zombie, what's up!" Gintoki said and gave Garou a high five with an innocent smile.

"Not good" Garou replied indifferently with some tick marks on his head.

"Hah? But I just heard you say you are good to your mom! Why the double standard? I am hurt!" Gintoki said dramatically with a hand on his heart just to receive an indifferent gaze.

Garou ignored his dad and closed his eyes with his mother still hugging and concentrated to see what went wrong with his chakra because he knew he did everything perfectly but suddenly he lost control over it and everything exploded.

After a few seconds of concentration he came to a realization.

"Huh? I can't feel my chakra" He muttered as he tried and tried again but to no veil, he couldn't even feel a speck of chakra inside his body.

"That explosion was kinda something zombie, I didn't know you were a genius to that extent that you could immediately create a jutsu of your own right of the bat! We need a great name for a great jutsu! Right?!" Gintoki said with enthusiasm rivaling Rengoku.

"You are weird." Garou blurted but Gintoki shrugged it off.

"Ahm, Sooooo, Self-detonation no jutsu is quite a fitting name! Do you like it?!" Gintoki said with an exaggerated voice and posed after saying each word like a power ranger.

"..."

"No?! Then maybe suicide no jutsu?!"

"..."

"Jump no jutsu seems good, yeah?"

"..."

"Ammm...my life doesn't matter no jutsu?"

"..."

"See you at the other side no jutsu?"

"..."

"Sacrificial lamb no juts-"

"Stop acting magical and just tell me the terrible news you have." Garou said gloomily with his mother still hugging him and shedding silent tears, which made Gintoki scratch his head and make a sad expression that looked genuine for once.

"Ammm, since you will know anyway then there is no need to hide this from you. So, my zombie..."

'Caugh caugh' He coughed a few times and with a voice carrying the weight of experience and love, with his eyes closed, adding for the dramatic effect, Gintoki started:

"I see the yearning to become a shinobi, a guardian of peace, and a protector of our village. I can see your passion for the shinobi arts burns within you like a fierce fire!" He cried with a grin plastered on his stupid face which made Garou just deadpan at his nonsense.

'This guy can never become seriously serious for once!' Garou thought with a dead expression.

"But zombie..." Gintoki continued with his eyes still closed.

"I want you to understand that the path of a shinobi is not the only path to greatness. This world is a realm of honor, sacrifice and valor BUT it is not THE SOLE DOMAIN OF FULFILLMENT AND PURPOSE!" He opened his eyes suddenly raising his fists and excitedly shouted with his teeth shining brightly.

He paused, his eyes scanning the horizon outside the window, where the mountains stood tall and the rivers flowed, a tear running down one of his cheek, adding more drama to his bullshit.

"Finished?" Garou asked.

"Yeah" Gintoki replied with a proud smirk.

"Stop fooling around and just tell him Gin!" Ayaka said in annoyance which Garou really appreciated.

"Sighhh, you have an unprecedented type of of chakra disruption disease. It means that you aren't able to do any kind of ninjutsu, and it means again that you are not qualified to become a ninja!" Gintoki said with a sad face this time and mother started to cry again.

"I can't use chakra? and what's up with the 'zombie?'" Garou asked him with narrowed eyes, demanding an answer, this shit is serious; he thought.

"Well, as I said earlier that you can NOT absolutely use chakra in any possible way. As a matter of fact, you don't even have chakra now in the first place, which is weird. You should have seen how those doctors were freaking out like chickens, Surprised at how you were even alive!" My dad Gintoki replied.

"Wow" I uttered and and just looked at my hands in disappointment.

"'Sob sob' can't you really do something about this Gin?!" My mom said between sobs which made Garou frown, blaming himself for making her cry, but Garou also looked at his dad too waiting for his answer, hoping for some cure.

"Sighh, as I have said, there is nothing that we can do, I even asked a Hyuga doctor to check on him but he said that Garou doesn't even have tenketsus in his body to feel and control his chakra anymore, it's like that explosion erased his tenketsus without magically hurting him that much. So there is no chance at all! His chakra pathways don't exist anymore so there's no point for chakra being there too. Him being alive in itself is a miracle!" He replied.

"Doesn't that mean that I was born with no chakra" I asked him as that doesn't make any sense, I was sure I had pathways and chakra.

"You had chakra. But now, it's no more, even I am confused!" He replied with a shake of his head.

"Sighh, a pity." Garou said with a disappointed sigh.

"You don't need to be sad little zomb, we are a rich family and we really don't need ninjas right now. The Hatake clan's living expenses depends on some farms and weapon shops, and not ninjas to live. Even though there are not many of us left alive but our money will last for a long time. And if you really want to, you can just pick up a hammer and become a blacksmith or something else to your liking. The world is big and life is not all about ninjas you know. I can even send you to one of my friends in the capital and turn you into a proper Samurai. You glaze Samurais so much, maybe you want to be one too." Gintoki said while approaching Garou and patted his back with a smile.

"You failed to teach me properly to refine chakra and now you want me to live a mundane life?" Garou said with a roll of his eyes.

"No, actually, that means you simply failed to pay attention to my flawless teaching!" Gintoki replied with a disappointed look.

*paw*

Gintoki winced a little as Ayaka lightly punched him with a frown on her face then smiled back at Garou "He is right cupcake, there are many other things you can do in this. Although the world is dangerous, you don't need to be worried as we will always protect you, and the village is safe. Even though we are in war but thanks to Tobirama sensei and his ninjas, we will always be safe." She said with emotion while her hand went through his hair.

Looking at their reassuring smiles for a moment made Garou touched and he was quite thankful they didn't outright abandon him because he right now is like someone akin to something that's considered worse than a failure, especially to someone from a ninja clan, and a future heir to the same clan nonetheless.

He was sure that if he was an Uchiha, Hyuga or any other clan, he would have become an outcast immediately or worse, to not tarnish the reputation of the supposed clan, they would have killed him on the spot, quietly.

And true to what his father said... his clan lacked young blood, all the ones who are alive are oldies who are barely breathing with all their descendants dead or soon to be dead except for maybe Sakumo and him.

But Hatake clan members don't really care about who is the clan head unlike other clans. The problem is as the son of the clan head, he is already considered a heir and him being a chakra-less person will probably raise questions among other clans, then slowly but surely, the village council will strip the Hatake clan from any political authority and finally, the clan will turn to an ordinary declining family with a glorious past.

Though, that doesn't mean Garou was concerned at all. He wasn't, because only he knew what he can achieve with his monster body.

The talent and abilities he holds is no joke even in the stronger worlds like DBZ or any Cultivation world, now let alone the Naruto world.

"You guys don't need to worry that much. I am not sad, just disappointed, that's all" Garou said calmly and shrugged.

'Having chakra would have been an extra boon for me to be stronger in this initial part of my life but it doesn't really matter that much. As long as I train then it will just be a matter of time before I will have literal Nukes in my palms to unleash whenever I wanted.' Garou thought.

"Soooo, what you gonna do now?" Gintoki said as he looked at his confident zombie.

"I never wanted to be a ninja in the first place, it is just you and mother's own assuming that I will be devastated just because of this. Even if I had chakra, I would still choose another path than what you two do." Garou said and his parents looked at each other for moments before looking back at Garou in confusion.

"Well, you see, I was really interested in body arts lately more than ninjutsu and stuff, so I thought, maybe I will turn the world upside down with just this body of mine. Interesting isn't it?" Garou said with an excited expression that looked dumb as fuck in Gintoki's eyes and cute in his mother's.

"..."

"..."

"Are you sure about that?" Ayaka asked with concern as she touched Garou's forhead to check if he was okay.

"Sighhh. Zombie, need me to call the doc?" Gintoki said tiredly while rubbing his neck with his palm.

"You don't believe in me huh?" Garou asked rhetorically with his eye twitching.

"Because that's just stupid! What are you even planning to do? How are you going to achieve what you want exactly?" Gintoki asked with a frown.

"Sighhh, well, I am planning to go through a similar path to the Samurais but without katanas! A path of perfecting the body and finding true self I guess." Garou said in a wise tone while going through that tiny bit of memory he got from OG Garou who stepped inside Bang's dojo for the first time and his first lesson from Bang being the philosophy behind Martial Arts.

This slightly surprised his parents, especially Gintoki.

'A Samurai huh? He really is my son. Maybe we should visit Date in the capital and introduce Garou to him. He will surely like Garou.' Gintoki thought with a small smile.

They saw how clear Garou's eyes was as if not burdened of being a cripple at all and this made Gintoki to just glance at his wife which she reciprocated as a sign to just ignore this matter for now.

"Hadada badada! that's cool and whatever, But for now, let me bring forth another problem" Gintoki said as his face became more detailed and serious which made Garou get curious about what he'll say.

"Soon the new year of the academy will start, we should register your name!" He said and eye smiled at Garou.

"I refuse"

"..."

"Baby, it will be fun! You will meet new kids your age and have some friends you know!" His mom said.

"I hate kids my age, I have no chakra, I will become a laughing stock until I beat them up to shut them up which right now isn't possible with all those clan kids already being prepared for war. And I don't wish bullying upon myself as I can't stand that and usually go ballistic as you two by now should now better!" Garou replied back which made them nod and shudder at the end, getting flash backs to those sleepless nights Garou shrieked because of Gintoki till morning.

Not cried, shrieked!

"Sighh, zombie, I know you are stubborn and all but can't you listen to us for once?" Gintoki said tiredly while rubbing his forhead.

"This is non-negotiable, so please can you guys just leave me alone for around 5 to 6 years and maybe when I am 10 or 11 I will consider going. I want to diligently train without interruption. Stupid stuff like the academy, which you two know by now that it will just be a waste of my time at this point." Garou said with a frown.

"I don't even plan to be a Ninja. Some businessman, sure, but not a Ninja." Garou added.

"But baby, you don't have any friends, you are always laying on the couch sleeping or reading some history books like some old man, it's not healthy!" Ayaka said in sadness, almost pleading him.

Garou looked at his mother then father for some time, contemplating about going or not.

He has finished university and became an IT engineer and worked in that dreadful company in his previous life, so it's really hard for him to start over again from scratch.

He has seen enough fanfictions that this elementary period is just about Will of bullshit and whatnot so he prefers not going.

Well, maybe more than will of fire because of war or maybe because it's not Hiruzen whom is a Hokage yet, but still...

As for meeting the canon people? well, there is a whole lifetime opportunity to do that, so it's really not that necessary and they are lousy and annoying kids right now so... yeah, he is not going.

Garou just shaked his head "Maybe later dear mother but not now. As you can see, I am weak. Do you really want your son to be bullied by some snot nosed brat?" He asked.

"Sighh, I will have to ask Tobirama sensei first. He is not currently in Konoha and I don't think he will mind that much if he knew of your condition, probably wouldn't even care." Gintoki replied tiredly and annoyed about the extra work.

Garou just smiled and tiredly said "Now can I go back to sleep? I am really tired."

"Well, the doc said you should stay here for two days or so, have a good rest zombie!" Gintoki said and Garou just nodded then put the white blanket over himself.

"I will come back with some cookies sweety, rest until I return." My mom added with a sweet voice, which made Garou smile and slept.
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____________________

Outside the hospital/

"Should we really give up and let him do what he pleases?" Ayaka asked her husband.

"Don't worry that much. You and me know better than anyone else that, that kid is by no means normal! As a matter of fact, it's actually better that he doesn't want to become a ninja. Less danger and blood." Gintoki replied calmly.

"And about what sensei told us, shouldn't we consider visit someone powerful like Mito-sama to thoroughly check his body and see if there is anything out of place going on with our son?" Ayaka asked again in concern.

Ever since Garou was born, they couldn't shake of this uneasy feeling when they were near him as their senses always warned them of the danger, but they shrugged it off and just contributed this to him being a genius or having a special physique or maybe Kekki Genkai, so they just waited to see him grow up.

Even now, the uneasy feeling was even stronger than when he had chakra.

And much to their expectations, Garou turned out quite different than any kid they had ever seen, but this made them quite concerned because the difference sometimes felt uncanny.

Though, that didn't mean that they were scared of the kid, they raised him so they know what kind of person he was... they were just concerned.

They once even checked if Garou was someone else possessing their child's body without Garou himself knowing that, but the results said that he was normal and fine.

*pat*

"No need to worry, I know the kid too well and he will be just fine. Hopefully, his special physique or whatever its that makes him special helps him out in whatever he is trying to do. Just believe in him for the moment, he needs it." Gintoki said with a smile as he patted his wife's head who slightly blushed much to the amusement of the people around.

The End.

"Didn't expect you to leave like this." Garou said with a frown, looking at his father going through stuff while wearing a full body ninja gear and a wahizashi which is a slightly bigger knife than tanto on his back and a samurai sword tied to his hip.

'Is he acting like a Samurai or is he a Samurai like he was from Gintama? But this guy isn't exactly Gintoki from Gintama, so...' Garou thought.

"Already miss me?" Gintoki said while giving Garou a smirk.

"Will you be able to come out alive?" Garou asked and Gintoki just smiled at his concern for him.

"Zombie, I may not look like it but I could beat a hundred of you with my pinky finger." He replied with a puff of his chest, looking too proud.

"Really? And your genius lazy bum is using a harmless kid as a reference to showcase your ohh so mighty power?" Garou said with a deadpan.

"Well these days you have been deluding yourself being some kind of cosmic level this or planetary level that under your breath while posing like a mantis, and I am using your future self apparently as reference, which means I can beat you even in your delusions." Gintoki said.

"Sighhhh, scratch that, aren't you worried." Garou asked, a little more serious now.

Gintoki paused for a moment before smiling gently.

"If something can be solved, then no need to worry about it. If something can't be solved then it is usless to worry about. Worrying won't take away the troubles of tomorrow, but the peace of today." Gintoki calmly replied in a way that slightly surprised Garou.

His dad wasn't someone who got serious easily, or articulate to be exact, that was beyond his capabilities, so these kinds of talks with him for the first time felt a little weird.

"Then that means you don't care about me, and my mother?" Garou asked again with a frown.

"I care for you, that's why I go to war. This is how I show my love. I fight for it." Gintoki replied again with shadows hiding his eyes, his hands trembled a little when he went through some scrolls but Garou didn't notice that.

"You sure it's not for the village?" Garou asked again each time with a harsher tone.

"The village is precious because you guys live in it, enjoy your time in it, sleep peacefully in it... I am just going to war so that your happiness won't be disturbed." Gintoki replied with fondness.

"Other people can take the risk, so why you?" Garou asked.

"If I, an elite jonin and a clan head don't go, then why should another person go? Why should a nameless genin, chunin or jonin go and risk their lives? If I don't go and he/she doesn't go, all ignored everything just because it doesn't concern them or were afraid of the risks, then who will protect and care for what's precious? Isn't that how civilisations get destroyed? With ignorance and apathy?" Gintoki replied.

"..."

"Indifference is never cool,"

"..."

"This is my call of duty Garou... I am a man, a ninja, a husband, a clan head, and a father This is my responsibility. This is my will of fire and ninja way... kinda." Gintoki said with determination in his eyes while looking at his son.

"..."

*step step step*

Gintoki went forward Garou and held his shoulder firmly "The thing about life is; if it was easy, everyone would have it or have done it. It being hard is what gives it value, meaning, and what separates you from everyone else. You cannot live the ordinary and expect the extraordinary, especially in your case Garou. In a world where ordinary is a body with chakra, here you are, been given the chance to be extraordinary from the start. I don't know what's wrong with your body but I always feel it isn't normal, so work on it, maybe you will surprise both of us." He said with wisdom, meanwhile Garou just locked eyes with him without reaction.

Deep down Garou noted that his parents seem to have felt something out of place with him, though not much.

I mean, who wouldn't notice the obvious? True kids grow up fast here. 3 year olds act like 7 or 8, and 7 or 8 acting like 14 or 15.

But Garou's maturity is still considered out of place in this world.

What would be their reaction if they knew he wasn't a full human, but a ticking time bomb ready to explode if given the right trigger?

Sometimes he even feared himself waking up as a mindless monster someday and go nuts on the world.

"..."

"Tell me Garou, what do you want be like in the future?" Gintoki asked.

"You sound like this is your last will or testament, then die..." Garou said with a slight smirk which only made Gintoki smile and just waited for Garou's answer.

"I don't know... maybe I want to be confident?" Garou answered with a shrug.

"Then let me tell you this... real confidence isn't walking into a room feeling like you are better than everyone else. Real confidence is walking into a room knowing you don't have to prove that you are better than everyone else. Confidence is never about how others are to you but what you are to you." Gintoki said which amused Garou a little.

"It's weird seeing you talking like this," Garou said in a sarcastic tone. Quite funny that the ever lazy guy is trying hard to pull an Iroh. It's like listening to the class clown trying to cook something for once but fails and his position as an idiot solidifies more.

"I figured that I left a strong enough impression on you to not forget me years later in case I was gone, but I also figured I wasn't really that good of a father to you enough, so I thought, maybe I will also leave behind whatever wisdom I have accumulated so far to you in case you needed it, as a good father should." Gintoki said with eyes closed, face near mine, and hands resting on my shoulders.

"..."

"..."

"Pfft" Garou held his laugh while looking at his dramatic dad.

"Hmm? What? Why are you suppressing your laugh?" Gintoki asked in sudden annoyance as he looked at his son not taking this seriously.

"Hehe, well in that case, seeing you like this made me remember some words of wisdom I have accumulated too throughout my years of life. Hear me out..." Garou said and Gintoki's expression was already dead blank before Garou even opened his mouth again.

.

" The mouth is a gate
That brings about disaster,
And the tongue is
A blade than can kill.
Shut thy mouth and
Hide thy tongue-
Only then, your ass
Will be safe."
Garou said with his eyes closed, imitating his father, and ultimately, ruining the father-son moment.

"..."

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"I have nothing more to teach you. This father of yours is as pure as a child, so he really cannot manage a son of a gun like you." Gintoki said with a blank face and dead eyes, then stood up, and finally left, burying this greatest embarrassment, failure, and memory in the deepest depths of his soul.

"Bwahahahaha!" Garou laughed with tears coming down his face while looking at the departing back of his father who had dramatic tears running down his face while leaving like a heart broken sophomore girl.

He really liked this dude. He was like a best friend he never had, so seeing him being serious and overly dramatic for the first time and calling him by his name couldn't help but make him laugh.

Though still, he was worried. The first ninja world war was getting to its climax and the big guns of this world are participating finally, that's why his dad got an immediate order from Tobirama to be back on the battlefield, so there's a high chance he will die.

"Don't die dad" Garou muttered in a sad tone.

___________________

Later that day/

"Hubby, I have prepared 7 days worth of food in there!" Ayaka said while handing a scroll to Gintoki who took it with a large smile and lunged at his wife to shower her with kisses and hugs.

"Stop" Garou said with annoyance while trying to suppress the vomit as he looked at this sight.

"Huh? Zombie, you jealous?" Gintoki asked with a smirk while still hugging his wife and savoring her scent.

"Believe me, I am unable to even if I wanted to. It looks disgusting, so please go already!" Garou said tiredly as he looked away from the intimacy his parents showed.

It didn't take long and it was time to say goodbye to Gintoki who was outside his house with Garou, Ayaka and some clan oldies all bidding farewell to him, but before he left, Garou spoke.

"Can you do me and my mother a favour?" He asked Gintoki with a frown.

"What's up?" Gintoki said with an eyebrow raised.

"When you came across a situation where you had to choose between the village and your family... Don't act like an over dramatic ass and just choose us, we clear?" Garou said ignoring the pinches his mother giving him to be more polite.

Gintoki just smiled and turned his back to leave while waving...

"I will try..."

*swoosh*

And he disappeared in a flash.
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"Tch, the dense fucker is finally gone, huh?" At that moment, a very old guy, with a long white facial hair said, his jaw jutted forward in displeasure.

The End.

[Propaganda incoming in this chapter.]
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"Sooo, a person is like a diamond. The diamond is a stone that someone took the time to cut and polish according to their skill and interpretation of beauty. Some people will find that diamond as a thing of beauty while for others, it won't be to their taste! You should not look for a diamond to marry, but to look for a stone that you could cut and shape to your liking, understood brat?!" Old man Arata-san said to me.

After my father's departure, this very old dude who was around his 70s told me to take care of him for sometime as his own grandson is fighting right now on the battlefield. And I with nothing better to do, just accepted, and it has been 10 days since this guy started to talk about everything and anything, but mostly, he was interested in topics related to women and marriage.

Right now, I was helping him carry a box and visit one of his old friends just some distance away in our compound with boredom.

"..."

*Bam!*

"Owww!" I held my head because he punched me for no reason.

"Are you listening to me you damned fucker? I am talking here you piece of shit! Quit acting lazy like that brat Gintoki before I beat you up!" Arata-san cried in anger.

"Quite the mouth you have Arata-san" I told muttered in displeasure while rubbing my head.

"What did you say you little shit?!" Arata-san cried again.

"Sighh, nothing, just continue what you were saying" I replied tiredly while looking at the empty compound that I remember was a little more crowded when I was an infant.

"I talked enough, it's your turn to lay down your own nonexistent wisdom on this matter!" He replied.

"What matter? The marriage stuff?" I asked.

"And what else you bag of bones?!" He asked rhetorically with a glare.

"I would love to share my insights about marriage but I am only 5, is it wise to talk about this stuff in front of me?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Fuck! What did you say?! You are 5?! Don't lie to me boy!" Arata-san cried in shock with mouth wide open as he looked at me up and down quickly.

I understand his reaction as I don't look like I am 5 at all. Much to the surprise of my parents also, I hit a growth spurt lately and now I am as tall as a 10 year old here with a natural mature face that lacked baby fats which is quite weird because as far as the memories of the OG Garou goes inside my head, he grew up like a normal child.

For my case, I suspect it has something to do with my monster part.

The only downside is the lack of muscles but a little bit of training and a good chunk of meat can solve that problem for me, so no worries.

"I am serious old man, I am only 5." I replied with boredom as I prayed for this day to be over sooner.

"Damn boy! Did that fucker Gintoki steal milk from Mito-sama's tits to grow a monster like you or what?! Holyyyy!" Arata-san cried again while shaking his head in surprise and denial.

"Sighhh, lower your voice or else someone might hear you old man" I said tiredly as we slowly walked towards our destination.

*Bam!* "Owww"

"Don't tell me what to do little shit! And anyways, 5 years old, 10 years old, it doesn't matter as long as you understand what I am saying. When you turn 10, find a worthy woman and marry her, don't ever dare play around like an asshole!" Old man Arata cried again with spit flying everywhere.

"Chill old man, you'll get a heart attack at this rate. And what do you mean by asshole exactly?" I asked while cleaning my ear with my vacant hand nonchalantly.

'Wait, did he just say to marry at 10? Hmmmm...damn.'

"Look brat, since you look smarty pants enough I will tell you. You see that little brother you got down there? You use that smelly shit to pee, right? But that's not the only thing it's used for... that thing's full potential has yet to bloom but don't worry, time will fix that for you and you will be exposed to some hidden functions soon-"

"Hold your horses old man! This is clearly too much! My own father is not telling me this 18+ type of stuff and I don't wanna hear–"

*Bam!*

"owww!!"

"Shut the fuck up punk! I was the one to teach that fuck of a dense father of yours how to fuck! When he was 20 mind you!! I had 6 kids when I was 20! Ma goshh you wanna stay ignorant like that dumbass till you fuck up your genitals from excessive masturbation when puberty hits you?!" Old man Arata shouted as he bonked my head again much to my annoyance, but he slightly made a messed up point, and a juicy secret about my dear father!

"Wait, so you mean you had your first child when you hit 14?!" I asked incredulously.

"Nothing to be proud of kid, usually people at my time already had kids at 12" The sudden seriousness in his voice slightly surprised me but not as much as what he said about the kids part.

"Isn't that pedophilia?" I asked with slight disgust.

"What the fuck does that word even mean? Can you eat it? Though the point of our conversation was about how to not become an asshole, so be quite..." Old man Arata said.

"..."

"Good. The lesson is, learn to keep your dick inside your pants when puberty hits you and not chase skirts like kids nowadays do." Old man Arata said with eyes narrowed as he looked at me.

"Arata-san, you keep talking about this stuff as if I will have a harem of beauties surrounding me! I am just a kid, and I don't hold any particular feelings towards the opposite gender at this moment y'know!" I replied as I was getting weirded out by this messed up guy.

"Are you gay?!" And the question threw me off guard again.

"..."

"..."

We stared at each other.

"Who says I am gay?" Oh no, I feel some sort of deja vu right at this moment.

"You are gay!" He added with an enormous amount of disgust showing on his face.

"..."

"Boy, what do you mean you don't hold feelings for the opposite gender?!" Arata-san asked with a frown as he raised his fist to punch at a moment of notice.

"Sighhh, I am just 5 years old Arata-san, my pp is not functional as you said to feel that way towards women... I didn't mean to sound like a mental don't worry." I clarifiedand said something he will like. He nodded with satisfaction then went back to speak again much to my annoyance.

"Now, from this moment forward, I hereby forbid you to have more than one woman!"

"The fuck?!" I let out in surprise at the randomness of this as this old man was suddenly deciding things for my life without getting my permission!

"What?! You don't like it?! Then I don't give a shit! You will do as I will say! You will find a worthy woman and be with her for the rest of your life, no more than one woman, Understood?!" He shouted again with narrowed eyes.

"Old man Arata, isn't having a harem common nowadays? I am sure at your time it may have been worse, so what's up with you and women?" I asked with my eyebrow raised at this guy who had a clear enmity with polygamy as the disgust in his voice couldn't be more clear.

"Your father isn't here to teach you the basics of life, and I doubt he is smart enough to do so even if he was here, so you will take this precious advice from this elder of yours and don't make those same mistakes all those people have made..." He suprisingly calmed down a little and with a frown he started to give unwanted advice.

"I am just telling you to be grounded and solid like a proper serious man. You get what I am saying brat? And don't even fuck around every time you see a woman. That dysfunctional tool of yours will stay a virgin till you get a wife!"

"..." I just stared at my front absentmindedly.

"Women are like diamond–"

"I think you already talked about that part old man–"

*Bam!*

"Owwww!"

"Let me finish you disrespectful punk! So, as I said, women are like diamonds but surrounded by lava, toxic lava! Women are extremely jealous creatures, nag and whine a lot! They are also irrational attention seekers. You have seen women who annoy the hell out of their husbands, right?" He asked. I just nod while rubbing my head which was aching.

'Talk about misogyny. Is this guy Nietzsche's lost brother? Better shut my mouth though' I thought.

And from this moment on till we got near his friend's house, he went on and on and on about how it's bad to have multiple wives and whatnot because equality in feelings and actions doesn't exist, which I had no problem with and agreed to his slightly reasonable points.

"Understood now?! I am not saying Harem is %100 bad but men are assholes by nature and at some point, they don't seem to look at women other than an equipment to fuck! Which is wrong on so many levels!" He said.

"Arata-san, it seems like you have an irrational fear but I know where you're coming from. You just want me to be loyal, not follow interest but love and commit my life only to one woman, right?" I summarised all his diss talking harem people.

*Bam!* "Owwww!"

"Not even Madara Uchiha could make me feel fear little shit! and yes that's what I meant. Now give me that box and screw away!" He shouted, and without a second thought I gave him the box and said goodbye as we already reached our destination where an old house was in front of us with unkept vegetation.

After I went far away, I still could hear the curses Arata-san letting out at his poor friend who was a very shy old man.

I lay down under the shade of a tree and start to think while looking at my twig like arms.
.
.
.
Born as a German with a legendary bloodline pull, having a family, wife, a house, maybe later on... kids he hoped to have, then losing his family and everything, going into severe case of depression, becoming an otaku and losing his membership in the respected society, dying, meeting the one who created everything, giving me the powers of someone who can grab omniverses in each hand and use it to play ping pong and punch people with it, reincarnation and be reborn as a baby, having a new family who gave him thrice the love he had with his Adolf parents in his previous life.

How did I cope with this? Really weird, because if I really know myself, then I am sure I wouldn't accept any of this, I wouldn't accept reincarnation and living once again in the first place.

It's not like I am not grateful, quite the opposite because I have spent 10 years in the void and my mind broke just after only spending 1 year in there, now being here is a gift I am thankful for.

Though, I am really confused. I am grateful but I don't want to live. Maybe sending me to heaven could have been better as I could get to meet my family again but it seems my Athiest ass has been denied entry.

Anyways, I don't miss my previous family that much, I don't miss my previous life, I don't miss my previous world except for the internet and stuff, I don't miss nothing and glad to be here?

This isn't me.

I am changing. I feel like there is someone or something influencing me. Or was I always like this?

The OG Garou's essence is doing something to me and I can't seem to do anything about it.

I am subconsciously coping according to OG Garou's personality and think in ways I am not weirdly familiar with and familiar with at the same time. Now, I love being here but a very... very faint whisper is there deep inside telling me that I don't and this isn't me?

Or is it something else?

The Essence has been quiet for sometime now, so maybe it's something else happening to me and it's not OG Garou influencing me.

Maybe I was always like this. Maybe experiencing death changed something fundamental about me.

Or is it because I am free from my previous bloodline?

I do remember that many times we fled with my previous parents like pathetic rats! I remember we had to move from one place to another a lot.

We couldn't stay in one place.

All because those hunters and cultists were after our lives constantly. And we didn't know how they came to know that there are still some Adolfs who still existed. All we knew was to run all the time.

Even after close to a century, those rats didn't seem to move on with their hoe hoe caust bullscrap.

I am pretty sure now that I think about it, my family's death wasn't an accident like I was told at all.

Till now, I have been living in denial and didn't want to admit it. Years of propaganda and media brainwashed even me. It made me think that we were always the cursed ones and the losers. And that's why we deserved to always live like homeless mice.

And that we didn't have a right to exist because of something that didn't happen. Or at least something I didn't have a hand in it.

THEY were the rats for millenniums, and they transfered that title to us, brainwashed everyone, and turned my family into the ones who had to always be on the run.

It's so unfair. Maybe even when I died in that robbery, it was them who did it.

Before the accident happened that killed my family, I thought that maybe we have settled somewhere at last. I finished school somehow, then university, getting a job at Razer inc, married to that pitiful and lovely japanese girl.

It was all so perfect, too perfect. And maybe that was the plan all along. To make us lower our guards and find us.

I really want to meet my ancestor and ask this simple question, "Was it worth it?"

And I am pretty sure know what his answer will be. I have read Mein kampf, watched documentaries like Europa: the last battle, and The Greatest Story Never Told...

He will simply say "Yes, I regret I couldn't save the world." and then go on to explain how the central banks are creations of Satan, how democracy is a rat's psyop, how every war is just a business for Elites, and how the hypocrisy where colonial states with many genocides on their belts declare that Germans are the bad guys just because Germans don't want to follow that devilish path of degeneracy and cruelty.

I think I get it now...

Power.

Without power, even the greatest of saints can be accused of being drunk and get killed for it.

All that shit that happened to me, my family and ancestor was because we were simply weak.

.

And now, here we are again. I am from a clan that's going to go extinct.

Again, I will have to be on the run because of something as pathetic as having a special bloodline. And not just any ordinary bloodline. If someone knew of my Monster physiology, for example that mad scientist Orochimaru knew of it in the future, who knows what he will do.

It's so gay as fuck to be a mad scientist! What are you even mad about bruh? Men? Are you crazy for men?!

In this life, I swear I won't touch science and shit again outside some simple things. Too little science is what got me in that void space that broke my mind. I won't repeat the same mistake and be a straight single wife loving Satan hater.

A good lil harmless Nazi.

Eyy God? We chill this time aight? You da best!

Science is a men dominated field anyways. Is that what anyone wants? To be dominated by men?

Sighhhhh.

Peace, is that too much to ask for?

Maybe that's why I sometimes don't want to be here...

Too much sweats over bullshit.

But at least, I will try to not repeat the same mistakes as my ancestor.

.

Another problem is me having to train because this world isn't safe, and I hate that shit. I lifted weights in my previous life, not out of danger or survival, but fun. Now, I am forced to fight and kill at some point and my sorry ass doesn't know shit about fighting except for watching countless martial arts movies, anime, and that stuff.

Even though The essence of OG Garou can fix that up but it's about ethics and my own mentality, which I don't know if it's flawed or the correct one.

"Man, I really don't want to train, I just want to relax, lay on my couch, drink jewz, and read in peace. I want to eat and I don't want to strain my muscles. I loooove peace and I don't want to become a fighter or wish to fight anyone–"

DING ••• {Assimilation 1% ---> %5}
DING ••• {Fragments of Memory, Abilities and Will transfer...}
DING ••• {Indomitable Will: Unlocked}

One moment you are relaxing, complaining, and contemplating under the shade of a tree looking at the beautiful blue sky, then another moment, a rush of a cold energy wash over your body. Some foreign parts of memories start playing inside your head, so realistic, to the point of remembering how the air smelt like in those memories as if you literally lived in that moment and you just forgot about it for a second... something beyond a simple Deja vu.

The profound part was... the change.

Someone who was always complaining about how lazy he was and how he couldn't get up to train, now had a blazing, blinding and intense fire in his eyes that could scare the likes of Might Guy, force them to admit defeat instantly from the sheer beauty of its Youth!

A Will so great that–

"YOU DON'T KNOW ME SON!!!!"

The End.

[Just to be clear, this ain't a religious Fanfic lol. Everybody got the right to fuck around in life in their own ways. I ain't judging ya... I will try at least.]