Teacher Nightmare [Naruto]

[X] Wait until the tiger shows up
- [X] If they don't get their act together in time to stop it, save them, inform them they fail, and drop them at the academy.

 

[X] Wait until the tiger shows up
- [X] If they don't get their act together in time to stop it, save them, inform them they fail, and drop them at the academy

That tiger is pretty impressive... the size of a small house and yet it makes as much noise as a house cat. The fact that Sasuke detects it before it pounces shows his title is well deserved.

Trying to lure it away from his teammates was commendable. But facing something like that alone was about as stupid as that Iwa ninja who tried to kill your teacher. This particular collection of locomotive-powered foot-long razor claws and teeth should probably have been weaponized and used as meat grinder for Kumo chunin in the last war. Hmm... You'll drop Danzo a note later, this idea is right up his alley.

Back to the fight.

Sasuke shows some clever genjutsu usage (the ball of kunai and explosive tags nearly ended the battle), but if you hadn't arranged for a stray kunai to cut Sakura's ties he'd have been giant tiger chow.

Sakura... damn. Sasuke is out of harms way and she's on the tiger's neck and blowing a chunk out of it with a weird explosion before you can blink. Instant replacement jutsu by the looks of things.

Unfortunately, it looks like she lost her hand in the explosion and the very unhappy kitty won't be bleeding out for a minute at least.

Well, she's rescuing Naruto- No she's not. She's using him as a distraction.

Ow.

You should probably have intervened there. His shadow clones DO provide the distraction though and a couple pick his real body up and run after his treacherous allies.

Ok, your three genin are currently: healthy but running low on chakra (still has a few storage scrolls left), missing a hand (a shame that, but she doesn't use hand-signs anyway), and missing the lower half of his body (it'll grow back) respectively.

There also seems to be an argument going on between Sakura and Naruto's clones about whether or not she should try cauterization like she did with her stump. On the plus side, the tiger is dead.

Intervention time or should you wait for the land sharks to arrive to see whether they can fight together if they start untied?

 

[X] Sakura, what the fuck. What the fuck Sakura.

 

Sakura is fucking insane.

Naruto is a goddamn buttmonkey.

As usual, pre-shippuden Sasuke is the voice of reason on this little shit.

[X] Sakura, what the fuck. What the fuck Sakura.

 

[X]Sakura Fails. Outright.
[X]Sasuke needs a re-evaluation.
[X]Naruto Needs a bloody Psych.

 

[X] Don't quite interfere yet. If they can pull it through now they will likely start accepting the idea of teamwork. Hey, extreme problems demand extreme solutions, and they were a complete disaster.

Sidenote: Given the Hokage sees Naruto as a grandson, he's likely to have our ass for this. Then give us to Jiraya, who's likely to make us a toad chew-toy. And then we die and will have to face Sensei and Kushina. Hope the Kyubii chakra manages to heal him fully. And that being given to a tiger to eat reduces his crush on Sakura, at least a bit.

 

I should note that Sakura did turn off the seal before she kawarami'd him to the tiger.

 

Interresting.

 

btw: To the "What the fuck?" voters: Anything you want to do/say after your interrogation?

 

Give them a good drubbing down for incompetence and lack of teamwork, and threaten them with Fallenblade's stuff.

 

The whole part of her Kawarmi'ing him to the Tiger IS THE DAMN PROBLEM

 

[X] Sakura, what the fuck. What the fuck Sakura.
-[X] Give them a good drubbing down for incompetence and lack of teamwork, and threaten them with Fallenblade's stuff.

 

[x]Descend on the Battlefield like the wrath of god.
[x]Start treating Naruto.
[x]"You fail. . Sakura You Do Not Toss Teammates to Goddam Tigers. No you worse than fail you're being drop from the program and fixing the hand can come from your own pocket. Sasuke. Thank you for showing at least to conception of teamwork and self sacrifice. That will be marked on the report. Naruto let's get you to a hospital and see if we can regrow you legs. I apologize for expecting more of your teammate.

 

Guys, the only chance this team has to actually learn any teamwork not interfere right now. They've just learned that, yeah, they are going to be fucked if they don't work together, in fact they literally felt it on their skins. Another life risking situation should either make or break the teamwork.

 

Sakura literally just threw Naruto to the tiger as a distraction to save Sasuke.

That is so twisted and far from teamwork it is not even funny.

 

Yep. But they might just work better now that Sakura outright saw the effects of what she did. Now they have internalized the price of failure, and of lack of cooperation. Do remember she's a 14 year old girl. She has terrible judgement and lacked the perception of consequences. Now that she outright saw the damage it can cause, she should be more careful.

 

[X] Alright, brats. You all fail.
-[X] Sasuke, leaving your teammates disabled in enemy territory when you have the opportunity to aid them, and will require their assistance? If I hadn't cut Sakura's bonds, you'd be dead. Point for contemplating assisting Naruto, but you lose it again for failure to follow through. You're highly skilled, for an academy student. As you can see, life just doesn't give a damn about your grades, sometimes.
-[X] Naruto, when someone offers a plan of action, no matter whether you find the language or tone involved abrasive or offensive, you should follow through with the course of action unless it's obviously going to get you killed, or if you can immediately offer a superior plan. Unless you become Hokage, all ninja must follow orders, and even the Hokage is bound to the will of the Daimyo. Yelling obscenities in the middle of enemy territory at the top of your lungs is not advised. What part of 'forest of death' did you children miss, hm?
-[X] Sakura.... Good lord, Sakura, I don't even know where to begin. There are no words. I thought your report said you were smart... exactly what part of 'teamwork exercise' didn't click when I said it to your face? You gain a point from bothering to release your teammate before throwing him, quite literally, to the tigers. But you still, in a heartbeat, sacrificed one teammate for another without thinking twice about it or considering if he would even slow it down.

[X] In any case, this isn't telling me anything I didn't already know, just confirming some things I suspected. Every one of you is reasonably skilled, more than enough to make Genin, but the combination is a simple and outright clusterfuck. Usually, my exam is designed to pit prospective students against each other, to see if they are capable of putting their differences aside to work together. You three have proven utterly incapable of doing so, even when it was stated outright that the purpose of this was to evaluate how you could act as a team.
-[X] In perfect honesty, the choice before me is to either spend the next year babysitting the three of you and putting every ounce of my effort towards beating some camraderie into your heads before we can even begin training you further, and still greatly risk everything going to hell within... what was this, five minutes? Five minutes into a serious mission. Or I can continue performing A and S rank missions in that time, to the villages gain.
-[X] So, I'm sure the three of you will go far, after another year of remedial schooling, and perhaps some long talks with a psychiatrist, if you can book one. With the number of ninja in this town, the few certified for practice have back to back appointments for years, so I have my doubts. I will, of course, be tendering my earnest advisement in the face of this debacle, that when you do come up for potential assignment again, it is on separate teams. Maybe the results won't be so abhorrent, in that case.

 

[X] Okay, time to step in.
- [X] "The who abandon the mission are trash. Those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash. I don't know what to fucking call those who feed their teammate to a tiger. Sakura: FAIL! Back to the Academy - if they'll have you; I'll be recommending you be dropped from the program."
- [X] "Naruto. You actually showed decent teamwork, if only with your own clones. I'll grant you didn't have much of a chance to, once the fight started, but you need to learn to take orders - or at least not refuse them at the top of your lungs in enemy territory. Provisional pass; I'll test you again once you're healed up."
- [X] "Sasuke. Tying up your teammates was stupid. Nobody can do everything alone. Trying to draw the tiger away was good. It would have been better if you'd freed your comrades, but I recognize that that wasn't necessarily possible during a fight. Provisional pass; again, a retest will have to wait for Naruto."

Once Naruto is back in fighting trim, I'm thinking an exercise where Sasuke is in charge, but forbidden to fight. If Naruto can't follow Sasuke's orders, they fail. If Sasuke fights himself, they fail. Naruto learns to follow orders, Sasuke learns to depend on others.

 

[X] Plan Chibi Reaper

 

Swapping to
[X] Chibi-plan

 

[X] Plan Chibi Reaper

 

*shrug*

[X] Plan Chibi Reaper

 

The instructions to Naruto need a bit of work, if we are going with Plan Chibi instead of not interfering a bit further.

This sounds like we are telling him he should follow any idea that anyone comes up with, as long it is not blatantly suicidal for him to do so.

 

[X] Plan Chibi Reaper

 

True, probably should be more about 'unexpected situations' and 'enemy territory'. It's a guideline, but if he was flipping out like that because someone he didn't like started barking the orders, then the boy's future is KIA.

 

I don't really want to assume that Sakura didn't know that Naruto would survive. She is clearly more than she appears and might know he could regen it. Not that what she did wasn't stupid, but she might not have been quite as murderous as the reactions seem to think she was. Especially if she can regen her own hand, why not assume that Naruto can't do the same for his lower half as well, seeing as he actually can.

 

[X] Chibi-Reaper

You Flicker in (dodging Sasuke's reflexive punch AND the blob of lava(?!) from Sakura) and use one of the few healing jutsu you know to stop Naruto's bleeding (and another to kill the pain). Your shadow clones dispose of the land sharks out of sight.

He wakes up soon when you're done and you make your announcement:

"Alright, brats. You all fail."

You cut off Sasuke and Naruto's protests with a silencing genjutsu, though Sakura oddly enough doesn't say anything.

"I might let you say something after I'm through chewing you out."

"Sasuke, leaving your teammates disabled in enemy territory when you have the opportunity to aid them, and will require their assistance? If I hadn't cut Sakura's bonds, you'd be dead. Point for contemplating assisting Naruto, but you lose it again for failure to follow through. You're highly skilled, for an academy student. As you can see, life just doesn't give a damn about your grades, sometimes."

"Naruto, for now, when an equal ranked ninja offers a plan of action, no matter whether you find the language or tone involved abrasive or offensive, you should follow through with the course of action unless it's obviously going to get you killed, or if you can immediately offer a superior plan. Unless you become Hokage, all ninja must follow orders. Yelling obscenities in the middle of enemy territory at the top of your lungs is not advised. What part of 'forest of death' did you children miss, hm?"

"Sakura.... Good lord, Sakura, I don't even know where to begin. There are no words. I thought your report said you were smart... exactly what part of 'teamwork exercise' didn't click when I said it to your face? You gain a point from bothering to release your teammate before throwing him, quite literally, to the tigers. But you still, in a heartbeat, sacrificed one teammate for another without thinking twice about it."

"In any case, this isn't telling me anything I didn't already know, just confirming some things I suspected. Every one of you is reasonably skilled, more than enough to make Genin, but the combination is a simple and outright clusterfuck. Usually, my exam is designed to pit prospective students against each other, to see if they are capable of putting their differences aside to work together. You three have proven utterly incapable of doing so, even when it was stated outright that the purpose of this was to evaluate how you could act as a team. I'm seriously contemplating just sending you back to the Academy to be put on separate teams next year."

Hmm... What else to add... While you could just fail them now and send them back to the Academy... Sarutobi would want to hear why you failed this very important assignment and he's likely to be far more reasonable (read: less likely to feed you to Jiraiya) after his adopted grandson has his legs and digestive system back, which may take a day or two (the legs are quick, the long intestine is not and his regen has to do all the work his missing organs did). Yeah, you really don't want to inform him of this until AFTER Naruto is bouncing around happily on his two feet again. In fact, maybe you should keep them so no one outside the team ever hears about this little incident?

Why were they put on the same team anyway? Their profiles alone hint at what a disaster it would be. Maybe they just massively overestimated your team-making magic?

You let Sasuke have his say before he grinds his teeth away.

"Sensei, I have never been in the Forest of Death before so there is no way I could have known how dangerous that tiger would be. And you saw what happened when Sakura broke free, I stand by my decision to disable her and by extension, Naruto. The blame lies with you for putting a new and dysfunctional team into a life or death situation."

You turn him off again. "Naruto?"

"WHY THE FUCK DOES SASUKE GET TO DECLARE HIMSELF TEAM LEADER?! YOU CAN'T SEND ME BACK TO THE ACADEMY JUST BECAUSE-"

And off again. It's amazing he can shout with everything below his rib cage missing. He may also be a bit high right now...

Sakura is looking rather twitchy, eyes darting this way and that.

"...But I had to save Sasuke. [size=5pt](But why?) I have to save Sasuke! (But I could have also helped Naruto.) But I must be there to protect Sasuke. (I knew Naruto would survive, right? But I didn't think he'd just stand there, but he's durable and has that regeneration blood limit...)[/size]"

Huh, odd babbling. You'll definitely have to get your hands on that secret profile. Unfortunately, you'll have to do so in person.

Anyway, what now?

 

[X] Leave a shadow clone with them, to act as a hands-off teamleader, who only assists in suitably dangerous situations, for the remaining week in the forest or at least til Naruto's fully regenerated. Tell them, you'll reevaluate their perfomance at the end of the week.
-[X] Read that secret profile. The other's too, if they have one.