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Wish upon the Stars (Original Superhero cultivation sci fi litrpg)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Malcolm Tent, Mar 19, 2022.

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  1. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    they cheat a lot in terms of height.
     
  2. storybookknight

    storybookknight Know what you're doing yet?

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    I'm really enjoying this story, much more than Sell you a Bridge. The premise is interesting and you've got some nice worldbuilding going on. Keep it up!
     
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  3. The Markami

    The Markami Cogito, ergo sum titillantis

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    It looks like this Academy will substitute for the usual Sect shenanigans in Cultivation stories and bring the Cultivation tropes more to the forefront of the story. I'm guessing we'll start encountering the "Young Master" equivalent there?

    So far, despite the "power creep" and "crafting" aspects of cultivating, along with the massive scale of the World, this story has felt, to me, a bit light on the Cultivation, since those are shared with litrpg stories. I'm pretty interested in seeing what kind of balance you want to achieve.

    Thank you for writing this. It's one of my favourite stories at the moment, and it saddens me that there isn't more people showing it the appreciation it deserves.
     
  4. The Markami

    The Markami Cogito, ergo sum titillantis

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    Thank you for the chapter. As always, I'm left wanting for more.

    Just one minor thing:
    I don't remember there being any ethnic explanations previously, and the setting being very much not Earth, the use of "Asian" feels a bit off.
     
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  5. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    It's come up before lol, someone made a similar remark on Royal Road. My only real excuse is that trying to integrate historical cultures is a pain so I'm fiat-ing that they're all distantly descended from people from earth.
     
  6. unimaginable232

    unimaginable232 Getting sticky.

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    So can't tell if I’m forgetting something reasonable that makes MC want to have anything to do with Annie or if he’s just thinking with his dick and there’s a sad hot woman nearby. Or actually after rereading it are there emotion manipulation skills, seems weird for him to care this much and assume everything was the Dad's fault from what I remember.
     
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  7. The Markami

    The Markami Cogito, ergo sum titillantis

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    Understandable. Maybe just a throw-away comment like "so-called Asian features -a term used since acnient times nobody knows the origin of today"... or similar would work to hint to that fiat, while avoiding going into detail. But it's just a very minor nitpick, done more in the spirit of contributing something beyond my appreciation for the chapter.

    Edit: To avoid double posting...

    What I got from that interaction was more along the lines of the MC aknowledging that, putting aside the mess with Callie's father, Annie seemes to be a pretty nice person he would be willing to befriend, but he can't without hurting Callie's feelings...
     
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  8. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    Lot's of people ask this. He's mostly thinking about the power imbalance. Annie was 19 and Midknights direct subordinate. Not to mention the stat imbalance. With the amount of perception and focus he had over her manipulating someone is way easier. Also he's kind of pissed at dads in general right now and Callie's is enough of an asshole to make a convenient target.

    Also yes. She did something she feels bad about. But she wasnt the one in a relationship and she didn't know Callie until later. Midknight was the one who was married, and also in a position of power, and he had reasons for doing what he did that were much more practical than you might expect and make it way more scummy in my opinion.
     
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  9. unimaginable232

    unimaginable232 Getting sticky.

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    Fair enough projecting is a hell of a thing and I'm not sure MC can actually be mad at anything that isn't a Dad vaguely off in the distance.

    [QUOTE Also yes. She did something she feels bad about. But she wasnt the one in a relationship and she didn't know Callie until later. Midknight was the one who was married, and also in a position of power, and he had reasons for doing what he did that were much more practical than you might expect and make it way more scummy in my opinion.[/QUOTE]

    And yeah went back and reread and remembered why I dislike her so much, like the dad is clearly still the bigger asshole but that level of lying and manipulation to young Callie is majorly fucked up and unless there's seriously fucked up behind the scenes machinations by Dad that gets her entirely out of having any agency fuck her. Like idk I find the whole premise of their relationship being a lie so she can secretly build a relationship with her boyfriends kid without telling them why way more fucked up than the Dad cheating (Annie sleeping with the Dad isn't even an issue imo) and it being the Dad's idea doesn't really change that she went along with it for like years/months.
     
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  10. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    He wanted her to watch out for Callie because being an Ascendant is dangerous. She felt guilty about what she was doing and tried to be the best mentor possible to her. It wasn't some evil plot to manipulate her, Annie got stuck babysitting and tried to do her best to keep her boyfriends daughter out of harms way and genuinely grew to care about her. It's a shitty situation but it wasn't malicious on her part by any means.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2022
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  11. john764

    john764 Know what you're doing yet?

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    Wouldn't it 0.1% of the ascendent population? I'd say that is pretty strict requirements.
     
  12. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    yeah someone noted that on RR and I changed it lol
     
  13. john764

    john764 Know what you're doing yet?

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    For your convenience.[​IMG]
     
  14. MichaelSuave

    MichaelSuave Not too sore, are you?

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    The coin guy... my money is on him being fishy. We already saw it with stricture, wouldn't it be interesting to discover a larger conspiracy of the admin being all evil assassins? Maybe a war between forces fought from the shadows, and our hero/villain is stuck helping the good guys when he is in fact a villian himself?
     
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  15. bamba12

    bamba12 Not too sore, are you?

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    Reading chapter 11, I just want to note, I really hate plot lines like that with parents, the whole "We had to neglect you cause reasons" always feels so half assed, I mean, one just abandoned him and the other did the bare minimum and fucked off too, calling these people parents at this stage or them becoming anything more than strangers who share blood upon their reunion would be so ridiculous.

    But that's not critique really since it's unlikely to be a topic even in the latest chapters and I am not gonna try to guess what's your idea for it, beyond that I really like the fic for now.
     
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  16. Xbure

    Xbure .

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    Is it cause he's not a real crafter?
     
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  17. bamba12

    bamba12 Not too sore, are you?

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    Ehhhhh chapter 24 is quite on the nose - he needs a crafting skill he gets a crafting skill.
    Personally I think it's a bad habit to get into, solving your mc's problems THAT easily.
     
  18. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    No lol. Itll come up later.
     
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  19. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    That one is kind of yes or no, since he got a half ass crafting skill that barely functions and essentially had to learn it all again.
     
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  20. The Markami

    The Markami Cogito, ergo sum titillantis

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    Curse my shitty memory, has anything about heretics been mentioned before? I'm guessing it's related to being a wishmaster, since he does not seem to have anything else noteworthy. But who and how has found out? Calling him heretic makes you think of religion, and he has alredy messed a plot from the Black Sorrow Cult, so I'm guessing now it's time to expand on the Church of the Red Revenant? Or maybe the Cult wants revenge for stopping Stricture...

    Thanks for the chapter!
     
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  21. Scipio231

    Scipio231 Making the rounds.

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    Yeah, since most of his notability is from stopping Stricture, a prospective member of the Black Sorrow Cult, I'm gonna guess he's on their radar now.
     
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  22. The Markami

    The Markami Cogito, ergo sum titillantis

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    Not gonna lie, a bit disappointed it's the Cult again. I'm chomping at the bit to learn more about the other factions, but I guess that keeping them in the shadows for much later makes sense.

    Thanks for the chapter!
     
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  23. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    Realistically too many universe scale factions active on that one backwater middle of nowhere planet just seemed like too much to me lol. I'd love to introduce them but this will be a ten volume story at least so I'm going to try to pace myself lol. Three was already kind of pushing it, but he'll run into the four when he gets out into space.
     
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  24. The Markami

    The Markami Cogito, ergo sum titillantis

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    Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I just can wait to learn more about the world!x3
     
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  25. Dumbgro

    Dumbgro Know what you're doing yet?

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    Doesn’t really change the manipulation and deception. I’d hope there’s less focus on trying to be friends with her and the whole family drama and more of a focus on skills, wishes and Callie
     
  26. Dumbgro

    Dumbgro Know what you're doing yet?

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    Yeah, I would like to see more stories where the MC just doesn’t care about them at all, even if they do meet in the future. Hope this MC keeps focusing on himself and his yep to his “parents” is not because he went searching
     
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  27. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    I mean his power is genetic so it's less of an option. Also with his mom theres the mystery element there too. He's not really seeking his dad out at this point. But he grew up pretty isolated. When you have very few people in your life it makes you focus harder on the ones that are there. Besides the situation isn't exactly what you think it is, you'll see more later.

    I've never taken getting lied to personally, but I know that's pretty unusual lol.
     
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  28. bamba12

    bamba12 Not too sore, are you?

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    However you may try to spin it, it's still very hard to find Annie sympathetic in any way, she is the one who knowingly chose to cheat with a man...
    All the rest just looks like a "Boohoo woe is me, I am a piece of shit and feel bad about ittttt!"
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2022
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  29. Malcolm Tent

    Malcolm Tent Monkey with a typewriter.

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    I mean...not to be cold about it but it wasn't really her problem. He was the one who was in a relationship. He was the one who made wedding vows, the one who promised to be faithful, none of that shit was on her. She was taken advantage of by an older guy and manipulated, but also...she didn't know his wife, she didn't know Callie at the time. I've always been of the opinion that the cheater is at fault. Some person you've never met has no reason to care about your relationship. Aside from being the actual victim because he was easily able to manipulate her due to higher stats and an age difference, not to mention the power dynamic, this is ultimately on him. But the main reason is that I know that

    midknight seduced her on purpose because she had a shadow ability and he wanted to try to have a stronger kid.
    which hasn't come up yet lol.
     
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  30. bamba12

    bamba12 Not too sore, are you?

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    I frankly don't quite get your point, the cheater is always MORE at fault sure but if the partner in the cheating knows He/She is party to an affair He/She is very much at fault too, the way you are trying to say that "she doesn't know her"/"not the one who made wedding vows" and etc is... pretty low frankly, if that's your reasons for why she shouldn't be blamed, it's like saying you have nothing against drug dealers or illegal weapon sellers, fences and etc, the fact that she isn't the one who broke the vows doesn't change the fact that she was a very active party in it.

    To the "Midknight" had "nefarious" reasons for seducing her... so what? She still accepted his advances, she still participated in cheating.
    I am not saying she should be vilified but Dumbgro isn't the only one who would receive a "happily ever after" for Annie where she makes up with Callie and everyone friends again with a strong degree of dislike.
    I frankly can't imagine and wouldn't accept seeing the friendship between Callie and Annie restored.

    So in short, Annie isn't the devil incarnate for sure but if you expect sympathy for her or think it's a reasonable development for her and Callie to make up, well... I would be befuddled.

    PS: Confused their names in the previous comment :p
     
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