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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Mr Zoat, Jan 27, 2019.

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  1. TheLunarwolf

    TheLunarwolf Making the rounds.

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    So... They've come to a far away place where the heat is intense, where its flat and immense, where the winds from the East and the sun's from the West where the caravan camels roam...

    In a city where enchantment runs rampant, are they going to hop a carpet and fly?
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2022
  2. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
    Might just mean that it wouldn't kill him if he stayed sand the whole time.
    It's barbaric, but hey, it's home.
     
  3. Twilight666

    Twilight666 I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    BTW Mr Zoat what happened with this:
    Is that still on or did the whole thing with Hephestian delayed it?
     
  4. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Paul may also be the most powerful since dreams are also desires.

    As if Paul still has a right to complain about people trolling him.
     
  5. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    It's still on.
     
  6. BartlettMagic

    BartlettMagic peekaboo, you fucks you!

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    ever since i saw it used in The X-Files, it's always stuck with me. one of those concepts that are far out but not as far as it seems at first.
     
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  7. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    I was rereading parts of the story and found this error. That should be spelled Stacy's instead of Stacey's.
     
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  8. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  9. Ardy

    Ardy I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    I also was rereading and was wondering: Since Kalmin would kill anyone non-Qwardian using a Qwa-weapon how did the SI get Wonder Woman a Qwa-Sword as a gift from his return. He said it wasn't "A prize of war or anything, it's a custom job". Did Kalmin make an exception?
     
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  10. Fallengamer13

    Fallengamer13 Getting out there.

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    He probably had it made alongside the blue lantern he gave to Alan in the Paragon timeline. And i thought he had a problem with Qwa matter being in the hands of outsiders, not weapons. They are called the weaponers for a reason.
     
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  11. Rafin

    Rafin Not too sore, are you?

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    I really enjoy Dr. Balewa. He's been more fun than I expected for the last few chapters.
     
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  12. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    He's a pain to write.
    I'd have to reread the whole region.
     
  13. Windona

    Windona Beetle Queen of Crackshipping

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    Agreed, Dr. Balewa is a gem.

    The Dream is fun so far, with the twisty rules.

    As for rowing, I'm guessing Sandy doesn't have a weakness to water. But the innate flexibility being what he is probably gives him, and if he has the ability to reformat his body even when not sand- yeah, I can see that giving him an advantage if he has enough reach. Though that also depends if he's sweep or scull rowing.
     
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  14. Duke Long

    Duke Long Glomerulus

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    Because of the accent?
     
  15. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Yes.

    I know, my own blasted fault, but here we are.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2022
  16. Threadmarks: False Dawn (supplementary, Renegade Option)
    Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    8th November 2012
    14:18 GMT +1


    I look around Magnificus's repurposed workshop, my eyes skipping over the positron beam projectors that deployed in response to my arrival. In the middle distance I can hear the sound of a dozen welding torches working, knowing Magnificus mounted on the end of multiple robotic arms.

    I raise my right hand to my mouth.

    "Magnificus! You've been skipping your therapy sessions and I want to talk about it!"

    "I don't need therapy! I need to work!"

    Ah, darn it.

    "Would you mind if I come a little closer?!"

    "Do what you like!"

    I nod calmly, fold my arms behind my back and walk slowly in the direction of his shouts.

    Careful, Lantern Grayven. A man like Magnificus Sivana should not be underestimated, even irrational as he is.

    Yes, I know.

    And yet you came yourself. Alone.

    This is my responsibility. The buck stops with me.

    Yes, and I'm glad that you realise that. What I mean is that you didn't send one of your many more empathetic employees. Or a pony. I may not see the appeal myself, but they appear to be of great comfort to emotionally wrought humans.

    I don't think that’s what he needs.

    At some part, the door to the electronics workshop has been… Removed? Torn off? Cannibalised for parts? Not sure. The point is that it's not there, and I get a clear view of the… Jetsons flying saucer thing that he's working on. Several hatches on the underside have been opened up, and two robot arms are spot welding… Additional modules that look like they're going to be mounted on the hull.

    "Looks like it's going well."

    "Yes." Magnificus walks in, heavily reinforced canister of something under his left arm and a weirdly glowing pistol in his right hand. "It's nearly complete. Once I add the suspendium and mount the time drive modules, I'll be gone."

    "So it is a time machine, then?"

    "I spent my eighth birthday in the Silurian era, making fish with bony jaws to confuse future paleontologists. I may just be copying Father's work, but at least I'm doing something-." His pistol snaps up, pointed precisely at my face. "Stay back!"

    I nod, raising my hands and planting my right foot firmly back on the ground.

    "There's nothing you can do to stop me."

    I nod again. "When are you planning to go?"

    "Before they die. Turret mode." He releases the pistol, and its grip unfolds into an anti-gravity flotation device. "Before any of them die. I'm not going to be the last Sivana."

    "Alright, but the Sheeda destroyed your family's holiday home during your annual family get-together. It wouldn't have done that if they weren't there. You'll need to get them out between it hitting something vital and the place disintegrating."

    "I know that! I don't need you-! I don't need you trying to explain temporal manipulation to me."

    He crouches, laying the temporal manipulation module down on the floor and picking a panel up from the floor. That gets moved to one of the saucer's lower hatches, then he reaches inside and starts connecting the interior cables to the panel's sockets.

    "And then, when Mom and Thaddeus and my sisters are safe, we can go and pick up father. And then-. And then we'll be fine again."

    "I saw your father die, Magnificus."

    "A hologram. Or if it wasn't the first time, it will be after we've changed things."

    "Magnificus, I'm a New God. I know when a living person is sacrificing themselves for-."

    "MY FATHER WAS FOUR FOOT FIVE! HE HAD ARMS LIKE PIPECLEANERS! WHY THE HELL WAS HE ANYWHERE NEAR THE SHEEDA!?"

    He stopped working while he shouted, but I watch him take a calming breath and rededicate himself to his work.

    "Because he wanted to kill her himself, I imagine."

    "He was a scientist and mechanist. If he-." Magnificus sniffs. "If he wanted to kill her, he could do it with an army of super robots."

    I nod slowly. "Probably. So why do you think he-?"

    "He didn't want to live anymore. With the others-. Others dead, he didn't want to stay alive himself." He slumps, his hands dropping to the floor. "I needed him. Why wasn’t I enough?"

    "I don't know, Magnificus. I'd… Guess that he… Thought you could cope without him, but that I might make a mess of things if he wasn't there in person."

    "He could do this more easily than I can? Why isn't-? Oh-."

    He thrusts his hands into the hole in the saucer, then makes the final connections and slots the panel into place.

    "Is this machine your own work?"

    "No. I just renovated it. I never-. I mean, it's a time machine. I understand how it works, but I don't-. There's nothing… Until now, there hasn't been anything that I've wanted a time machine to do."

    "Magnificus, you do know that the Sheeda had time travel technology too?"

    "Yes, of course." Another panel gets the same treatment, only slightly faster. "I was listening when father explained where he went."

    "He didn't try this. Do you think he just overlooked it?"

    "I don’t know why he did it!"

    He closes the panel and plugs in the suspendium module before moving around to the near side.

    "I don’t know why he didn't try this, I wasn't in-. I wasn't in any state to ask him, but I'm going to try, and you're not going to stop me."

    I nod slowly. "You're right. I won't. I hope that you're successful, Magnificus. Your mother and your twin seemed like good people, and I'm sure the younger two grow on you." I cautiously hold out my right hand as the drone gun hums unhappily.

    He plugs in the second module, reaching inside to press a button and then turns back to me as the saucer activates. He watches me for a moment or two, then walks closer and takes my hand.

    "I'll be back."

    Then he lets go, climbs into the saucer and with a shimmer of light the saucer's gone.

    And then it's back, panels torn away and smoke rising from the interior! I lunge forward, grabbing the dome and tearing it off before reaching inside and heaving Magnificus clear! He's beaten and bloody and the one eye that isn't swollen shut isn't focusing properly. I take a firm grip and then run from the workshop as the suspendium modules go critical and something very strange and organic-unfriendly happens to the saucer.

    I prop Magnificus up against a wall, purple healing ray out and firing at his face. He's a Danner enhancile so he shouldn't need it, but I don't want to take chances. After a moment he stirs, his eye focusing on me.

    "Why? Why can't I-?"

    I sit down next to him and wrap my right arm around his shoulders.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2022
  17. Coltsguy

    Coltsguy Colts fan. Anime fan. Breast and back fan.

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    Dangit Zoat! Stop making me care about the Renegade timeline!
     
  18. AmericanNumbers

    AmericanNumbers Not too sore, are you?

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    Sigh. I feel for Magnificus. It was obvious to Renegade that the Sheeda must have somehow hardened their excursions against outside interference enough that even Sivana senior couldn't break it. Magnificus must have known too but Grief makes us fools.
     
  19. Istaran

    Istaran Know what you're doing yet?

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    Okay, now he needs some ponies.
     
  20. Senevri

    Senevri Not too sore, are you?

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    Muscular man, time travel. It's an older code, but it checks out.
     
  21. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Well that was just depressing.
    "is on the of multiple"

    You kinda do need therapy.

    "need"

    "to the place"

    That didn't stop him from going up against a demigod.

    Well he wanted to kill them up close and personal, and he didn't want to live.
     
  22. moralrelativity

    moralrelativity Recovering pendant.

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    at -> of
    spend -> spent
    (but time travel is involved so who knows?)
     
  23. Handlewithcare

    Handlewithcare Versed in the lewd.

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    "Why wasn’t I enough?"

    Oh, ouch.

    I'd say it was because your father felt like he owed them revenge and he knew one of the best Sivanas would survive.
     
  24. Ngamer11

    Ngamer11 Experienced.

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    Mr Zoat, I thought Sivana Sr. tried to save his family and then failed but didn't die?
     
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  25. Vaermina

    Vaermina Well worn.

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    Except the Sheeda didn't build their time machine and had no idea how it all worked.

    A fact Zoat seemingly forgot.
     
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  26. Chojin Patriarch

    Chojin Patriarch Veteran Lurker

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    Oh, dear. This level of activity doesn't look good. Is Mags going to do something stupid? Because he's smart enough to know better... On the other hand, he's a man who's lost his whole family, and that doesn't make for the most stable or rational of decisions...

    Which means you need to talk all the more.

    I mean, it's not like you couldn't steamroll in and stop him the hard way... But that would do more damage to his psyche than being nice.

    Making no sudden moves, of course. Just because you can't see the guns trained on you doesn't mean they're not there.

    Any more blindingly clear observations to make, Ringnestro? :rolleyes:

    And that is why you're such a good boss. Also why your people actually like you.

    Ah, the macho method of grief-displacement. Hit something until the pain in your hands hurts more than what's inside.

    Classic styling. After all, presentation counts for a lot.

    Planning to go somewhere quieter, Mags? Or picking someone up? ;)

    Right. He's not in the mood to be crowded right now.

    Of course, since time travel is involved, that's not departure time he's asking about, but the destination.

    And that's going to be a very small window of opportunity.

    A gravity-shielding emitter of some kind, no doubt. Perfect for resisting the Huntsman's attraction.

    Pretty painfully, too. Not much left afterwards.

    To be fair... Survivor's Guilt is a thing... And Mags, well...

    Because sometimes, you need to see the life in their eyes fade, to know they're gone, to feel satisfied with vengeance...

    Would you be thinking rationally, with all the anger Thaddeus Senior had built up?

    Because he thought you were old enough not to need him. And apparently he was wrong.

    Because he knew what you are probably about to learn...

    No doubt hoping it can be easily replicated? It'd be a boon for archaeology and palaeontology...

    And they'd had it for a long time. Even if they didn't completely comprehend how it worked, they knew how to abuse it...

    Thaddeus Senior was an extremely smart man, Maggy. If he didn't do something, there was probably a good reason.

    Last chance to talk him down, Renegade...

    It'll hurt, but you'll understand, Maggy. And if you want to do something else afterwards... Then the Renegade will understand that.

    We can but hope it'll be in a happier mood, but we all know better...

    Well, Maggy? Happy now?

    I know it hurts, Mags, but just remember, you aren't alone.

    A grim day for the Sivana family. But, perhaps, a turning point for Magnificus. Maybe he can find the strength to stop looking back, and turn his attention to the future. Because if he can't... Then the Sivana family may well fade from history entirely. This is pretty much his lowest point, and though he probably can't see it right now, there's always a way to climb back out of the hole.



    A comma here might improve the flow of this sentence...
    "I spend my eighth birthday in the Silurian era...
    ...between it hitting something vital and the place disintegrating."
    ...but I watch him take a calming breath and rededicate himself to his work.
     
  27. Darko

    Darko Connoisseur.

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    Thaddeus Senior was never good with people.

    Eh, Magni may believe that his father wasn't all that smart in certain areas.

    And to be fair, he did become a criminal instead of a legitimate scientist and he also fought a super powerful demigod, so, yeah...
     
  28. Mr Zoat

    Mr Zoat Dedicated ragequitter

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    Thank you, corrected.
     
  29. thebishop8

    thebishop8 Umm, ackchyually...

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    Jaron, Ardy, ChestBurster and 11 others like this.
  30. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    What about going back a month beforehand, and initating a Siviana protocol to ignore him, or something, and just waiting for that time to arrive rather than trying to arrive at that time?
     
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