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Questionable Questing

Fedorable
Fedorable
It sorely needs a re-write though. It was my first solid, solo foray into Worm. I think I understand the characters better now, but one of my main failures of writing is capturing the characterization... the /voice/ of characters that aren't mine.

Plus I completely fucked up Rune's backstory and I'm a bit unhappy about that since half the plot relies on her woobification in my headcanon of her.
1986ctcel
1986ctcel
*hugs* Well "Jerkass Woobies" are a thing
Tavarokk
Tavarokk
It does have shaky parts every now and then where I was wondering where a particular mood shift came from, but still, any fic that manages to make me pace the room and cackle more than once counts as top notch in my books.
Fedorable
Fedorable
Which parts do you think are shaky? I can highlight them for the rewrite.
Tavarokk
Tavarokk
Off the top of my head, she's been by far insufficiently obnoxious to trigger Armsy subplot as fast as she did at the start. Same with Amy, and her initial speech to Panacea is somewhat unconvincing. You've mentioned redoing Rune's characterisation already (especially first meeting scene is rather unrealistic).
Tavarokk
Tavarokk
Something's bothering me about Taylor romance around the first lewds time, although I can't put my finger on it. Too erratic? Lung jokes would've been much better if Lung had actual character. Arc 2 turned out the best, pretty much uniformly good.
Fedorable
Fedorable
Very good feedback. Thank you :)
serapheus
serapheus
...Please don't take it the wrong way, but I'm only on 1.4 and I've already wanted to deck Ms. Four wings several times. Right in the tit in fact.
Fedorable
Fedorable
*sigh* TWI is getting to the point where I look back at the start and get that cringe factor of 'rereading my old fics'.
Fedorable
Fedorable
I have to go now but I'd love to hear your feedback, good and bad.

I honestly think that if I restarted TWI at this point it'd be a completely new story.
Fedorable
Fedorable
*pokes serapheus* c'monnnn you can't tell me why you want to punch Ms. Four Wings in the Tit and not tell me whyyyyyy
serapheus
serapheus
-starts- Huh? Oh, right, sorry. Was distracted by another fic and insomnia and Lucifer being hot and smarmy and mmmmm~

-cough-
serapheus
serapheus
Where to start...Uh, I guess to start, she's got pretty spectacular cases of motormouth and lack of mental filter going on in the beginning. Mitigated some by the whole "brain got fucked up" but not nearly enough. Wouldn't even be a problem, just a personality trait, if she weren't so...aggressively self-important? Fuck, no that's wrong.
serapheus
serapheus
You know how in some SI's the author makes it 'very' clear that the SI is the main character and everyone else is going to choke on their main characteriness or else? Eye has a bit of that going on, without the 'everyone around her is bowing to her'.
serapheus
serapheus
Except it's only kinda like that?

...FUCK, I am bad at describing/explaining my point of view. -head scratch of furious frustration-
serapheus
serapheus
It's also in how she treats people. It's like...like she's treating them like they're children, but not in so many words, and she's the only one who can solve their problems. 2.1 with the...'visit' to the Dallon house is the most obvious part of that.
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