Questionable Questing

Reading the danmachi one, with the introductory part, felt... strange. It's not often i see those, and i personally dislike them. I'd prefer the character suddenly realizes they are dropped in, go through some panic and moments where they look around and search up everything, maybe find out some changes to the world, then set up on a course of action.

Instead, all we got was 'There's this, and this happened to me' then scene change and, 'And i told the Goddess everything' start of the next scene.
The skills and status wasn't even shown, and i don't mind if he has many skills or not, as it's common for fanfics to go the 'cheese Danmachi' route and whatnot, but... Yeah.

My personal suggestion? Take it slow, build stuff up, like a jenga tower. Put the foundations and keep the blocks that will make up the building beside you (plans, ideas, even phrases you want to have someone or MC say, or even entire scenes, that's what i do, i have entire scenes written out that won't happen for many chapters.) and slowly place one block at a time, finding the perfect one that fits.

Do the drop-in, short introduction, some panic or not, surprise, happiness/horror/confusion, search for answers, finds some changes to the world, possible course of action, go tiddy goddess route or find something else? Yada yada.

You have to build up to things, one step at a time, not skipping from scene to scene with light info dumps and whatnot.

And the conversations, make them feel more real. Pauses between one phrase and the other, either due to taking a breath, a moment of thought, a movement, pacing, cupping of the chin, a distraction- Anything. Take a point to show expressions, stating emotions in a voice, what's visible on the face, so on and so forth.

I'm tired as it's eight in the morning and i still haven't slept, so this is all i can think about. Hope it helps, me fren!

And don't be afraid to take inspiration and copy other author's writing styles. Making your own takes time, after all.

I usually take the time to plan out my stories, this is what happens when I fly by the seat of my pants and am rusty at writing. I have ideas, but most of them I end up feeling someone else might handle them better.

So I end up not writing them at all. Not to mention indecision on where to start in the timeline of the original it's based on. Like, I have an idea for a sort of multicross, where it starts with the MC getting essentially conscripted to help the MC of DQXI:S.