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  1. Rebellion, An Overlord Story[NPC OC/SI]

    I'm surprised she tolerated patronizing a tailor who she knew was a slave owner
  2. Walk on the Moon (Naruto SI)

    People act against this kind of logical incentive all the time IRL. Tons of laws about not murdering people and how you're gonna be in big trouble if you do, and yet people still murder. Likewise with rape. People don't do crimes because they're stupid (well, sometimes they do) they do them...
  3. [ASOIAF][SI] No Promises

    Woops, not sorry about that :V As far as online-fiction rewrites go, this is one of the very few that I've seen be successful. Solid.
  4. Walk on the Moon (Naruto SI)

    Narratively there's just about a 0% chance she actually turns it down. Otherwise there's little point in bringing Mischiefs up in the story—eventually Rei will take the offer. This is also part of her Rat training. Even if the next chapter starts with no, there's no way she's a proper Rat...
  5. [ASOIAF][SI] No Promises

    Eddard's a little quick to assume magic, ain't he. There are plenty of mundane ways to plot an outcome like this. always with the death flags, tut tut Well, anyway. Varys' message is a little goofy and deserves quite some thinking and rethinking on Eddard's part. First is that if magic is...
  6. [QUEST] The End of Evolution and the Ascension of Arts

    [X] Head towards Jai. [X] Head towards both. [X] Stay where you are. I would be fine with literally everything other than yet another lesbian to add to the pile.
  7. [ASOIAF][SI] No Promises

    I object to this history of textiles. Bad homespun is really awful stuff, true, but skilled workers produce much better, to the point that only recently did machine-worked stuff match up.
  8. [ASOIAF][SI] No Promises

    I think that certainly works for showing the practical parts of introducing new technology. It's also nice to go from smoke to smoke in the openings to the new chapters one and two—if possible I might try to find a way to use the same motif to open the prologue. Minor foreshadowing as the messes...
  9. [ASOIAF][SI] No Promises

    The disconnect for me has happened already, since all that we know of the introduced so far in-story is a listing ("my glassworks, my theatre" etc.) and a general reference to the history OTL. Approach-wise, the first impression of the first three sections has already been blown. Being told 'I...
  10. [ASOIAF][SI] No Promises

    I always have a bit of trouble believing the personal reproduction of stuff like gunpowder, or in this case 19th century optics and steel. Though wootz is simple enough for me to believe that an SI could get some made and tempered/hardened/whatever and ready for use eventually, I'm less sold...
  11. A Sage's Journey (Original Xianxia)

    [X] The Slow One this is xianxia after all
  12. A Sage's Journey (Original Xianxia)

    [X] Follow the thugs
  13. A Sage's Journey (Original Xianxia)

    [X] Flail at the thugs I like this reason best of your three. All three are some of the best reasons to avoid a site, but this is a very good reason.
  14. A Sage's Journey (Original Xianxia)

    [X] Meditate on what you have discovered Though maybe map-buying is good too.
  15. Twisted Pinwheel

    Um.
  16. Twisted Pinwheel

    [X] "Everything I did was in the pursuit of disengaging from the conflict. The conflict in which I never threw a single punch." I despise the 'nice' add-on. The character would never admit doing anything wrong at all. That was the point, the very thing that made Hinata angry in the first place.
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