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Search results for query: *

  • Users: mapu
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  1. Childhood friend of a Dark Lord (YS x HP)

    Its alternative romanization of Zhang, mostly used in Taiwan and korea meaning "drawing a bow" or "fall/autumn" or something like that that . And Cho is also fairly common Asian name meaning butterfly or free. While both words are more likely to be Korean surnames than chinese, its not that...

  2. The War Chronicles of a Little Demon (Youjo Senki alt)

    Wow that's a lot of filler and empty words with side of lots of (probably irrelevant) exposition. Haven't seen so many empty "Yes, I agreed." paragraphs in long time.

  3. Youngest Winchester

    Doubtful. Castiel is like 90% actor, and honestly not that good of a character. He only works since the actor is really great at the whole "I don't get things" face, while the contrasting with being all powerful, and knowledgeable makes for enough plot convenience to keep him around for info...

  4. Youngest Winchester

    Lot's of telling and not showing and lots of "empty" lines, such as characters repeating "yes", or "what" or whatever in the last chapter, without adding anything to the story. Feels like you are padding the word count, with extra dialogue, while failing to adapt the tv show into writing...

  5. Shoot for the Stars (Yu-Gi-Oh GX OCs)

    Switching between 2 different duel PoV is a bad idea IMO. I just gave up keeping track of what is going on and lost interest in it.

  6. Shitty superpowers and how to deal with being useless (quest)

    Please capitalize your letters. >you was historically extant, now you isn’t, uhh... Not quite sure what you mean by this. Historically existent? >cuz your superpower is very un-good because your superpower is bad. >many feeling. many feelings. Not even starting on whatever your formatting...

  7. The Red Eyed Queen

    Your formatting and punctuation has greatly improved. Good job.

  8. The Red Eyed Queen

    You still use dots in dialogue, especially in between different people talking. Especially if you do different paragraphs. You don't put a run-on sentence in different paragraphs. Or at least put in some commas, even if it does not make sense as people speaking are different. Also if you use...

  9. The Red Eyed Queen

    Put dots at end of your sentences. Will improve your writing greatly.

  10. The Red Eyed Queen

    Impressively bad idea, characterization and grammar. Please use dots. Lear how character power curves work, or at least how to to curb stomp comedy. Also how to establish a scene, and not jump around in time. This Is multi-cross marry sue, not an OC. Also you are using synonyms or repeating...
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