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Hmm... Well now, isn't this... Interesting... See you in two weeks!
 
Having giant plausibility issues with the idea of the Mayor scrapping the Dockworkers' Union, since unions really don't work like that, IIRC. Unions are formed by the workers. State governments can make things hard for them, or even try to make them illegal (which can cause massive blow back and is potentially political suicide), but city governments don't get much say.
 
Mrouz said:
The mayor is going to scrap the whole Dockworker Union.
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Unions don't work like this. At all. In fact, they pretty much exist so that governmental and corporate overreach exactly like this can be kept in check. This makes exactly as little sense as a student calling a teacher into her own office and saying "I'm expelling you, Mrs. Smith."
 
I honestly have no idea what is supposed to be going on. Everything seems a bit vague and it's been several chapters without a hook for the story showing up... I mean I get that the simurgh is supposed to be in here but it's more because you said so than because it was apparent, and are her bone problems supposed to be from an extended stay in space or.....?
I mean, you can't even really tell whether or not she has powers. Bugs are her power in canon, but what is up with them coming out of her throat?
 
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The part where her throat got clawed up....? Did I misread that?
 
Don't necro. This is against rule 7.
Is there going to be a continuation this is good shit.
 
Okay, so just gonna let you know,Necromancy is bad, if it has been a month or more, please pm the author, rather than bumping the thread with a post that is basically just asking for more.
 
Puck McSnuggins said:
I had basically no clue what was happening this entire fic. What even? Like, is that it?
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Summary+Review

>Being taylor is suffering XL plz.
>Body is suddenly broken by all
>Imaginary friend that has always been there?
>Everything is now pain
>Your new friends are Nazi's.
>danny is almost not useless, and then gets brain cancer.

>Ziz tells her to jump and she does.

The original plan was for her to of died, but Author decided she "became ziz" but there isn't nearly enough info to determine what that actually means.

Taylor still has messed up memories, which is probably crushing her dad. Said father has cancer they can't afford to pay for. The entire ziz/taylor connection is never explained or even touched upon, she just has this imaginary friend for reasons. What happened with ziz decending on Canberra is a complete mystery(foreshadowing my ass). Her suddenly being friends with tottaly-not-nazi's is just sort of there. Her friends are subtley racist Taylor, and apparently she assumes they will betray her for reasons that she is Taylor and cannot trust anyone ever again.

Its kind of a terrible ending, and i'm normally one to be strongly against such statements. There are a lot of decent ideas, and a very artsy/airy writing style, and good motivation to root for the worlds squishiest woobie. But author decided to call it quits without doing anything with it more or less undoes any advantage it had. Most of it probably could of been steamrolled in 3-4 chapters if you want to mary sue with Ziz OP . Or 8-10 maintaining the current story pace. Taylor reads as an unreliable narrator to me, so what it looks like she is doing from much more level headed people would of also helped. She doesn't actually do enough to really give anyone a REASON to react. That in and of itself is more telling than anything
 
MudkipSage said:
Summary+Review

>Being taylor is suffering XL plz.
>Body is suddenly broken by all
>Imaginary friend that has always been there?
>Everything is now pain
>Your new friends are Nazi's.
>danny is almost not useless, and then gets brain cancer.

>Ziz tells her to jump and she does.

The original plan was for her to of died, but Author decided she "became ziz" but there isn't nearly enough info to determine what that actually means.

Taylor still has messed up memories, which is probably crushing her dad. Said father has cancer they can't afford to pay for. The entire ziz/taylor connection is never explained or even touched upon, she just has this imaginary friend for reasons. What happened with ziz decending on Canberra is a complete mystery(foreshadowing my ass). Her suddenly being friends with tottaly-not-nazi's is just sort of there. Her friends are subtley racist Taylor, and apparently she assumes they will betray her for reasons that she is Taylor and cannot trust anyone ever again.

Its kind of a terrible ending, and i'm normally one to be strongly against such statements. There are a lot of decent ideas, and a very artsy/airy writing style, and good motivation to root for the worlds squishiest woobie. But author decided to call it quits without doing anything with it more or less undoes any advantage it had. Most of it probably could of been steamrolled in 3-4 chapters if you want to mary sue with Ziz OP . Or 8-10 maintaining the current story pace. Taylor reads as an unreliable narrator to me, so what it looks like she is doing from much more level headed people would of also helped. She doesn't actually do enough to really give anyone a REASON to react. That in and of itself is more telling than anything
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Yes, thank you. This. There were so many dropped threads and things suddenly happening just because, and it made little to no sense, but I figured, 'Hey, let's not immediately jump to conclusions. Maybe I missed something.' I didn't. I missed nothing. There was nothing to miss
 
You lied to me! I didn't understand any of that! How the hell is a suicide attempt supposed to turn her into the Simurgh!? She's a civilization crushing superweapon, not an abyssal exaltation! If Taylor triggered with her power then the rest of it is pointless! If she didn't, then Ziz wouldn't be talking to her, so again, pointless! WHY WAS HER THROAT HURTING, DAMN IT!?!?!? This entire story failed to get even the basic elements of it's plot across and therefore is unworthy of even being called a story!
 
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