Where in you are a young female martial artist who is on a search for Immortality in fantasy...
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User | Total |
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ChandraMagic | 17 |
So it comes to be, that one will realize that they know nothing, and by knowing nothing, they will realize they know the Way. This knowing nothing is different for each person, but by knowing nothing they signal they are ready to begin a great journey into the world of Sages and Immortals. I should know, since I am one.
So, sit back, little one, and let Sun Wukong walk you through how to properly start your journey!
Firstly, you need good shoes. Not new shoes, as they are too firm, too hard. They will hurt your feet and leave blisters until you have properly broken them in, and that will make your Journey slow and painful. Likewise, you do not want too comfy shoes, as that means they are too soft and sticks and stones will push through the weakened soles. No, you need shoes that are just right. That are not too soft to withstand the vigours of the road, nor ones that are too firm, and do not bend with the hazards of the Journey.
Now, once you have your shoes taken care of, you will need maps. Maps are important, because they will tell you where you must go, and how to get there. They are also good at showing off areas you can detour in, to enjoy the natural beauty of Catai.
Now that you have a map, make sure you don't use it. Well, you should probably figure out where you are at the end of each day but the thing about maps is that someone had to draw them and to do that they had to go there first. If you follow the paths that someone else has made you'll never lose your way; and how are you supposed to find something without losing it first?
If you want to fight someone then fight them. If you want to hug someone then hug them. If you're trying to do both at the same time then maybe you're in the wrong line of work.
Sure, the secrets of the universe are neat and a wise old sage who teaches you by having you teach yourself is a classic but generally speaking sitting around and meditating on the philosophy of martial arts is a really good way to learn how to block fists with your face. And not much else.
Now that you have a map, make sure you don't use it. Well, you should probably figure out where you are at the end of each day but the thing about maps is that someone had to draw them and to do that they had to go there first. If you follow the paths that someone else has made you'll never lose your way; and how are you supposed to find something without losing it first?
I love peaches. Nothing about martial arts here. Just wanted to share.
When it comes to fights, the guy who flips around the most is the one you should keep your eye on. This is because he's either the most skilled person in the room and is going to doing something awesome or he's an idiot who is going to land on something sharp in a hilarious fashion.
In the end the best martial art is the one that leaves you standing at the end of the fight. History, honour, dignity and discipline are a poor substitute for not getting your stupid ass kicked. Then again, if you're the sort to subscribe to 'fairness' in a fight I suspect you won't own this book for much longer.
If you're facing certain death then you should absolutely scream, 'You dishonour your master'. One of three things will happen. First, the honour-bound idiot you're fighting will have an attack of student-guilt and stop. Second, the villainous idiot you're fighting will stop killing you to monologue and if you can't make use of that I just can't help you. Or, third, the actually intelligent person you're fighting will be so embarrassed on your behalf that he won't want to kill you any more.
If you try this while fighting a wild animal you deserve whatever happens next.
There may be many times when things happen to you on your journey. Good. Bad. Really, really weird. At times like these you may be inclined to stare up at the Heavens, or possibly sob into your hands, and cry out, 'Why me?' If you find yourself feeling this way then flip to the last page of the book for the best answer I've ever found to that question.
Question: What is a Sage? Answer: Whatever they want to be. The thing about labels is that they're utterly useless and generally speaking the label of 'Sage' just tells you the vague flavour of the beatdown you're about to receive. A martial artist will crush you with their fists, a poet will crush you with their words, a bureaucrat will crush you with paperwork and a nobleman will crush you with their wallet. Or possibly their ego. The two tend to be related.
A Sage will calmly let you crush yourself against them because they already figured out how to kill you in a hundred different ways while you were announcing yourself.
Although you might think that you, the reader of this book, also belong to this vaunted category you really ought to stop kidding yourself right about... now. Because until you can walk on water, shatter stone with a fingertip, command the elements with your words and, most importantly, understand exactly why you can do all those things?
You're not a Sage. Not by a long shot.
There are those who think that being a Sage is about oneness with the universe and comprehending the mysteries of life. These people are humorously incorrect. Being a Sage is all about punching faces. The better you punch face the better you'll be at your general Sagey stuff. This statement is totally true and accurate! After all, if you can't trust Sun Wukong to be straight with you then who can you trust.
Although cleanliness is not quite 'next to' Sageliness it is at least within its near vicinity. A clean body helps promote a clean mind and uncovering a new principle of the universe during a relaxing soak is actually very common. This is doubly important for any Sages of the female persuasion, or those with transformation abilities as delightful as mine. While male Sages can get away with being unkempt and stinky, especially if their beards are near their ankles in length, ladies tend to be unfairly looked down upon when you can smell them before you see them. But, as with all of my advice regarding appearances, you ought to consider when such an effect might be exactly what you want to achieve.
- Sun Wukong
Some people are going to try to tell you that in order to be a good Sage you have to be the most upright and karma-krazy, spelling intentional, individual in the world. Someone who always cares about the little people and protects the weak and helpless. Others will try to tell you that you can only reach the peak by stepping over a mountain of corpses; taking what you need, what you want, and even what you don't need or want. And the important thing to remember is that both sides are right.
Some of the things I write down are traps meant to weed out idiots. Upon reading this, you're definitely thinking of a few things you've read thus far and going, 'Aha! Now I understand." Sadly, I guarantee that you do not. It's never the obvious ones. Except when it is."