A Sociopath on this World. [Class of 09 x Konosuba]

[Davos]

"So you made the world in seven days?" Nicole asks, rubbing her neck while the blue haired girl sighs in the odd room.

"I am so tired of everyone asking me that. I am definitely gonna get Pyra back for this…No, the story is a lot longer and duller than that."

"Ok…Who's Pyra?"

"The Goddess who usually oversees the passing souls in America; I normally oversee Japan, but she got herself sick…somehow…and because I'm behind on my quota, they're making me cover for her…" Aqua mutters.

"Guess the rope worked; should have tried that sooner instead of the expired drugs." Nicole says, making the blue haired girl pause.

"…Normally I would try to talk you into reincarnating, but I'm not sure you want to go to that world."

"Why not?" Nicole asks while reaching for her phone out of habit, only grabbing air.

"It's under threat by the Demon King and-"

"Oh God, I'm not dead, I'm having a trip and it's based on one of Jeffery's stupid anime…This is such bullshit!"

"No, you're actually dead." Aqua says before showing Nicole the scroll with her body hanging in her room.

"Oh, sweet!" Nicole says, making Aqua look at her.

"And I thought Japan was suicidal…" Aqua says while looking to the side.

"Screw you; you have any idea what it's like being nice all the time?"

"I'm a Goddess! You can't just say 'screw you' to me!"

"What are you gonna do, kill me? I'm already going to Hell."

"You're not going to Hell."

"Isn't suicide a-"

"Again, long story, and I am not in the mood to talk to a suicidal brat. But in your case you can either go to Heaven and sleep on clouds and listen to hymn music and talk to your loved ones when they-"

"Fuck no, that's Hell!"

"Your dad is there." Aqua says.

"Fuck him."

"…I still think it's better than going to the other world. It's comparable to medieval times on Earth but all the mystical stuff is real and will kill you."

"So my choices are either go to Heaven and wish I could die, or go to another world and get killed while dealing with all the issues from my world dialed up to eleven along with monsters before heading to Heaven…Are you the Goddess of shitty deals?" Nicole asks, making Aqua's brow twitch.

"…You wouldn't be there to live out your life but to save the world from the Demon King. Completing that will grant you one wish. You would also get to pick any one skill or object to aid you in your journey." Aqua says.

"So I would get to kill a guy with magical powers?"

"Basically."

"Are there any limits?" Nicole asks.

"Limits?"

"Like, do I have to be nice to people?"

'…You have any idea how concerning it is to hear that question?"

"Don't care." Nicole says and Aqua rubs her temple.

"Technically no…but- hm?" Aqua looks over and the scroll changes, someone else is in the room.

"Ugh, is it my mo-"

"Nicole!?"

"Jecka?!"

"Sorry, I'll turn this-" Aqua starts to say while reaching for the scroll.

"Keep it rolling." Nicole says, making Aqua look at her.

"Oh God Nicole, I'm so, so sorry…" Jecka says before crying and half saying she should have been there.

"…You said I could take anything right?" Nicole asks.

"…Yes?"

"I want her."

"What?! No! I might be behind on my quota but that is against the-" Aqua stops when a light blinds them and a blonde girl is standing in the room, tears down her face.

"What…the fuck?" Jecka says as Aqua looks on in shock. Jecka looks behind her and sees Nicole.

"Nicole?"

"Yeah, it's me." Nicole says while looking away. She nearly falls over when Jecka hugs her.

"Why the fuck didn't you talk to me instead of doing that!?"

"Because you were busy screwing the History teacher for an A!"

"I wasn't screwing him! He took me to fucking Olive Garden and called it fancy!"

"What a cheap asshole!"

"Right?!"

"…Americans…" Aqua mutters.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Aqua, Goddess of-"

"She's a sexualized Charon who's behind on quotas and giving out magical powers to dead people who want to live out a power fantasy to clean up a problem they can't handle." Nicole says making Aqua stand up, fists clenched and tears in her eyes.

"Do NOT compare me to that glorified fisherman!" Aqua says as Nicole pries Jecka off of her.

"…Am I dead?"

"No, your friend here is taking you as her one item into the next world."

"What the fuck Nicole?!"

"I know but you said you would be there for me~."

"What does it matter if I'm there but I don't get a cool power? So now we're both gonna get raped in some shit hole world?"

"It's basically like Earth in the medieval ages." Aqua says.

"So now we're both gonna get raped in some shit hole world?" Jecka asks again.

"Of course not…Aqua, in all her mercy is gonna give us both an option for magical powers because she's the best Goddess~." Nicole says with a wink, her voice a higher note.

"…Are you trying to seduce me?" Aqua asks.

"Sorry, keep forgetting that doesn't work on women." Nicole says.

"Regardless, what makes you think I'll do that?! She's not even dead!"

"I don't have an issue with that."

"Huh?"

"I mean, the choice is either get a super power in another world or continue dating my History teacher and work a dead end job as my deadbeat dad continues banging Emily."

"You're dad is banging Emily?"

"Yeah…marrying her too; She's my new step mom."

"Gross, but your dad has good taste."

"It's basically me but not related!"

"…Your dad has good taste."

"Aww…I'm still not sharing my percocet with you now."

"Bitch! And after I got you magical powers too!" Nicole says.

"Just pick a power that makes you high." Jecka says.

"Hold on, is there something wrong with Emily?" Aqua asks.

"She's my age." Jecka says and Aqua groans before muttering 'Americans…'.

"So, do I have to kill myself first? I got some percocet I can overdose on now if you want. It's fresh too!"

"Can I get one?"

"No, you're already dead."

"You…just carry that stuff around with you?"

"Yeah." Jecka and Nicole say at the same time.

"…I'm getting a headache, and I do need to meet a quota. Just pick a power so you two can buzz off already. I doubt a pair of depressed sociopath drug addicts can do anything." Aqua says as papers appear in front of them.

"I mean, she's probably right; plus I couldn't give a shit what happens over there but now she's a target…oh?"

"Quick question, what does the fine print on this one say?" Nicole asks and Aqua reads it over with a grimace.

"You…don't want this one. It only works once a day."

"What does it do though? Description is a little vague. 'Power of a God'?"

"Basically, you can channel the powers of a God for a few minutes. Pyra's fire, Eris' luck, even the martial prowess of the God of War, but it's only a fraction of what they can do, and it hurts the deity you borrow from, so you'll be on Heaven's shit list."

"So that includes you too?" Nicole asks and Aqua starts sweating.

"Well…yes but my powers aren't that great; I'm mainly good at healing and purification."

"I'm sure I'll find a use for it~." Nicole says.

"I'm sure a smart, beautiful young lady like you would do much better with another power." Aqua says with her sales pitch smile while trying to pull the paper back. Nicole smiles as she speaks in an equally sweet voice while still holding onto the paper.

"But I'm just a depressed, suicidal drug addicted brat…I'll need the help of the Gods, and who better than the Goddess of healing to mend my broken soul~?" Nicole says, making Aqua grab her by the shoulders.

"Listen, I'll talk the next loser out of a power so I can give you TWO powers, as long as they aren't that!"

"But I wouldn't want to inconvenience a Goddess~." Nicole says while taking the paper. Aqua starts tearing up as they head to the next world.

"You know pissing off a deity is probably gonna bite us in the ass, right?"

"Eh, I'm sure she's the bottom bitch in their circle. No one's gonna care if she cries…besides you did say pick a power that'll make me higher, and what's a better high than knowing I can make God cry?" Nicole says as they start walking through a medieval looking town.

 

[Davos]

"Will you hurry up already? We both know you're just gonna wind up as a shut in over there. Seen it dozens of times before, and you are just like the rest." Aqua says while eating potato chip.

"I-I'm not a shut in I died outside!" A young man in a green tracksuit says,

"Technically you died at the hospital so…still inside."

"That is not- You don't know that!"

"You're seriously telling a Goddess who deals with the dead everyday she doesn't know how you died? Anyway, just hurry up."

"…You want me to hurry up then? Well…since you got such a kick out of seeing me die, you'll enjoy it when I choose to take-"

Aqua starts screaming, spasming onto the floor, knocking over the chair and small table as her voice reaches a deafening pitch, forcing the young man to cover his ears.

"W-what's wrong?!" He says going over as Aqua continues screeching, banging her fists into the floor as a blue glow encircles her.

===

"Heal…heal…heal…" Nicole says in a monotone while pointing to Jecka who is eating dinner in their room at the inn.

"Why are you healing me? I'm not hurt."

"I know but it hurts that blue haired bitch and if I only have a few minutes a day, I'm gonna use it. Heal."

"Doesn't she have other spells?" Jecka asks.

"Yeah, but you aren't undead. Heal…heal…man I don't even know if she is feeling anything, this sucks…"

===

"My chest is on fire!" Aqua yells while rolling on the floor, clutching at her heart as Kazuma and a white haired young woman look on in shock.

"I didn't do anything I swear… I didn't even make my selection yet…Am I going to Hell Lady Eris?" Kazuma asks in monotone as Aqua continues yelling through tears.

"I know you didn't do this Mr. Satou…it's likely the work of the other person that died a bit before you. She took a skill that can cause this…" The white haired woman says with closed eyes as Aqua continues flailing and convulsing.

"I can't feel my toes! Nor my fingers! Even the entire left side of my body is starting to feel numb!" Aqua says, arching her back, head on the floor.

"Is that normal?" Kazuma asks.

"N-no, the pain shouldn't be that bad…it's equivalent to how much the caster on the other side uses it…It shouldn't be-" Eris stops when Aqua goes limp.

"L-lady Aqua!?"

"Did she have a heart attack?!"

===

"What kind of punk ass Goddess does party tricks?!" Nicole asks as a water fountain appears at her head, soaking her.

"Can you do it again? It's kinda fun to watch…plus you can use that to make money so we don't have to go on quests or get day jobs."

"Yeah, I'll do tricks for chump change, lotta money that way. Besides, what kind of performer only works 10 minutes a day? Great, now I'm wet…"

"Never thought I'd hear you say that…And you got a better idea? I doubt the inn keeper is going to accept our flirting again without having one of us do something tomorrow night, plus there is that whole registration fee at the guild." Jecka says.

"This sucks…we gotta work in this world too. Heal…huh?"

"Guess you hit the time limit."

"Great…wouldn't be surprised if that bitch lied about it hurting Gods just to pawn off a shitty skill."

"Does that mean you'll stop using it since you're not sure it hurts her?" Jecka asks.

"Fuck no, power of a God for 10 minutes? I'm sure I could use that for something…oh shit I could finally kick start Nicole-ism!"

"I don't think feminism is a thing here…"

"It will be when I'm through with them~."

===

Aqua is lying in the fetal position, crying as Eris awkwardly strokes her hair.

"There there, its fine now…You're alive and well."

"But what about tomorrow? I know that crazy drug addict is gonna keep doing this!" Aqua says before crying louder now.

"…I don't think I should be seeing this…I'm not even gonna drag her to the other world as my one item now. Too cruel after seeing this. If I'm going to the same world as that other person maybe I can-" Kazuma thinks before noticing Aqua approaching him, grabbing him by the shoulders and getting awfully close to his face, making him blush.

"W-what is-"

"I'll give you TWO powers if you kill that bitch!"

"Huh?"

"Lady Aqua! You can't just make offers like that!"

"But I don't wanna die again! And you didn't meet that brat! She's crazy, evil to the core and-"

"I understand your fear and anger, I'm just in as much risk as you, but attempting vengeance is not the answer…we should at least meet with this girl to make things clear." Eris says.

"Wait, Eris is at risk too?" Kazuma thinks.

"She knows what the power does, I explained it to her and she insisted on taking it anyway even when I offered her two powers!" Aqua says, making Eris rub her temples.

"…How are they both Goddesses?" Kazuma thinks before Eris approaches him.

"After you make your selection, would it be ok if I ask you to meet this young woman?"

"Who am I to refuse a request from a Goddess?" Kazuma says in a deep voice, making Aqua look flatly at him.

"Thank you Mr. Satou."

"Please, call me Kazuma."

"I almost would rather die than hear anymore of this…" Aqua thinks before showing Kazuma a bunch of powers and items. After a moment he picks his skill, a magic based skill.

===

"I forgot to ask, what did you pick from the water bimbo?"

"Strength."

"What do you mean strength?"

"I forget the exact name, but I'm basically Hercules now without the excessive muscle."

"…Why didn't you tell me earlier? We could have just mugged someone!"

"Because I know you would have suggested that and I don't want to be a criminal!"

"Ok, fair, but you're definitely doing the heavy lifting tomorrow."

"Like Hell, you literally have God powers. I just picked this so I wouldn't be assaulted!"

"You think I want to be assaulted?"

"Should have thought of that before wanting to torture the blue girl…but don't worry, ask nicely and I'll consider protecting you~."

"Aren't you just a knight in shining armor?" She says and they go to sleep.

===

Kazuma appears in the world, looking around him in glee at the new surroundings. He wanders the night street with a smile as he makes note of a few buildings, namely the guild and an inn he'll be staying at for a spell. He pays for a room and goes to bed, barely able to sleep, too excited to start his adventure and to find the girl Nicole.

"Huh…one of my first tasks in my new life is talking to a girl as a favor to a Goddess…This'll be awesome!"

 

[Davos]

Nicole goes down the stairs, feeling groggy and pissed.

"Maybe I should have picked something that lets me make cigarettes at will?" She thinks as Jecka yawns beside her.

"Oh! Hey there!" A young man in green waves at them.

"Oh my God, not even 24 hours…" Nicole mutters.

"Pardon me, I know this is out of the blue but-"

"I'm not interested." Nicole says.

"N-no that's not why I-"

"We're not prostitutes." Jecka says and the young man freezes a moment.

"I'll just get to the point. You're Nicole and Jecka right?"

"How do you know our names? Are you a stalker?" Nicole asks.

"Wow, a day in and we already got a stalker…does that make us universally hot or unlucky?" Jecka asks.

"What? No! I'm not a stalker!"

"Sounds like something a stalker would say." Jecka says while pulling out a cigarette.

"You have a cigarette?!"

"Yeah. Last one though."

"Bitch, give me it to me!"

"Phrasing, and no; my cigarette."

"Bitch I'm going through withdrawal like a fat ass making a new year's resolution diet."

"Smoking is bad for you…" the young man says, drawing glares from both women. He turns away.

"Did we ask for your opinion, stalker?" Nicole asks.

"N-no but I-"

"So fuck off." Jecka says and they start walking for the exit and Kazuma follows them down an empty street.

"Seriously? Do we have to call the guards?"

"I'm not a stalker, I'm from Japan! My name is Kazuma Satou and I-"

"Great, there's a Jeffery in this world too." Nicole says.

"So a stalker and a pervert?" Jecka says.

"I'm not a pervert, I'm a perfectly healthy young man! I'm here on a request from the Gods." Kazuma says and both girls look at him.

"…I'm listening." Nicole says.

"They want you to stop abusing that power. The one Goddess, Aqua, had a heart attack yesterday and-"

"She did?!" Nicole asks.

"Yes, so can you-"

"Bitching, it does work!" Nicole says with a smile, leaving Kazuma stunned.

"…He could be lying…" Jecka says before taking a drag.

"Why would I lie about that?" Kazuma asks.

"Get on our good side in the hope of adding us to your dream harem that you could never get back in Japan because you're a perverted loser with 4 too many posters of fictional girls?" Nicole says and Kazuma looks at her with wide eyes.

"I mean…I wasn't going for that. I wouldn't refuse but did you have to really say all that? And I…didn't have that many posters…"

"It's obvious from here. Probably killed yourself because you knew no woman wanted you." Nicole says and Kazuma groans before shaking his head.

"I didn't kill myself, I had a heart attack!"

"Wow, even porn is too much for you…That's sad." Jecka says between snorts of laughter.

"I didn't have a heart attack from watching porn!"

"Sounds like something a virgin dying of a heart attack watching giantess furry porn would say." Nicole says, making Kazuma's eye twitch.

"That's awfully specific. Speaking about your own fetish, bitch?"

"Wo-ah! Looks like he found some backbone when he realized he has no chance in this world too~." Jecka says.

"Why you- Just because you're a little good looking doesn't mean you can get away with talking down to me like-"

"A shame…just when I was starting to think you were pretty cute too~." Nicole says with a wink. Jecka rolls her eyes as she takes another drag.

"Huh? Y-you think I'm cute?"

"Super cute~." Nicole says taking a step closer, now in front of Kazuma who is blushing and looking away while scratching his cheek/

"O-oh…I…well, thank you…would you like to-"

"Pathetic…" Nicole says before stepping back, her smile replaced with a scowl.

"Huh?"

"A smile, some nice words in a flirty tone and you lost all sense of self respect. You're just like every other worthless rapist...well, wannabe rapist in your case."

"I'm not a-AGH!" Kazuma rubs his temples before speaking again.

"Whatever. I don't want anything to do with you…can you not use that ability so much though?"

"I picked it to have an easier time in this hell hole and now you're telling me what to do without even knowing me? Patriarchal prick."

"The Hell are you talking about?"

"I'm supposed to believe some random man when he says he' speaking for the Gods? I'm supposed to listen when a man orders me not to use my gifts?" Nicole says, hands on her hips when a tear appears between them.

"…What are you doing?" Jecka asks Kazuma.

"That's not me…" Kazuma says.

"It's me." Eris says through the tear.

"And me!" Aqua says.

"The blue bitch?" Nicole asks.

"My name is Aqua!"

"Yeah that's blue bitch." Jecka says.

"I don't care what you call me anymore, but please use that power only when needed! It really hurts when you use it too much in one sit-"

"Heal." Nicole says, making Aqua scream.

"Oh wow, it does work." Nicole says.

"Yes, which is why we are contacting you to-" Eris starts to say.

"Heal." Nicole says getting another scream and smiling fully now as Aqua yells.

"Will you stop this!?" Eris asks as Aqua rolls on the floor.

"Sure, on one condition…heal." Nicole says.

"What is-"

"Your name."

"Huh?" Eris asks.

"Tell me your name so I have someone else to abuse." Nicole says and Eris stays quiet.

"Knew it. Even Gods will choose to save their own skin…Heal~." She says, eliciting another scream.

"Eris." She says a moment later.

"Cool…what powers you got?"

"I am the Goddess of luck."

"Luck? And I thought her stupid party tricks were useless."

"My party tricks are not useless!"

"Yeah, whatever, Nature's Beauty." Nicole says while pointing her hand at Kazuma, eliciting a louder scream from Aqua as he gets doused in water. He looks at her with clenched fists.

"I have about had it with you…"

"Would it be better if the shower was golden?" Nicole asks.

"Oh my God Nicole, really?" Jecka asks.

"Withdrawal is a bitch."

"Just like you." Kazuma says.

"Never heard that before." Nicole says while rolling her eyes.

"…Aqua, is that offer still open?"

"YES!"

"K-Kazuma you cannot be-" Eris starts but stops when Kazuma takes a swing at Nicole.

Only to miss and get kicked between the legs; He falls to his knees as Jecka laughs. Nicole takes the mostly used up cigarette for a quick drag before putting it out on Kazuma's cheek. Then she throws him face first into the ground. Kazuma groans while cupping his crotch as Nicole takes his coin purse.

"Hey that's-" His complaint is garbled when Nicole steps on his face, twisting her foot over his nose.

"Mine now. Call it payment for stepping on you, since this is probably the closest you'll ever get to a woman~. See ya never." Nicole says before walking off, flipping Kazuma off with his money on her waist.

Kazuma gets up and staggers after them onto a populated street.

"H-hold on, get back here you-"

"No, leave me alone!" Nicole says, hands over her face, her fake tears getting the attention of everyone in the area; including two exceptionally big, muscled men.

"You bothering this lady, creep?"

"I-I'm not a-" Kazuma's words are cut off from the hook. He falls and covers himself as he is kicked and stomped on. Another muscled man sees this a short distance away while sipping wine. He takes another sip before standing and walking over towards Kazuma.

To start kicking Kazuma as well.

Nicole and Jecka walk away, counting the money in the coin purse.

"Huh…should be more than enough for the registration fee and a few nights at the inn without needing to suck dick." Nicole says.

"…Don't you think that was a little harsh?" Jecka asks.

"No…wait, why are you asking?"

"I mean, we don't really know what he is like, and he was asked by deities to talk to us. He can't be all bad."

"I might believe that if he wasn't glancing at our chests through half that conversation."

"Yeah but our chests are amazing."

"True but that makes it less annoying and creepy?" Nicole asks.

"No, but he could have probably been useful with whatever ability he got from Blue."

"Yeah, no…I don't want some pervert traveling with us."

"Well yeah obviously, but I meant during quests." Jecka says.

"We're both easily a 10 here. We'll have plenty of options for meat shields here." Nicole says and they go to the guild for the registration and class selection.

"Wait, we only get the weakest class?"

"I'm afraid it's due to your stats. Don't worry, most beginners start out like this." The receptionist says.

"Sure. Do you think I'd get something cool if I flash it some cleavage like you?"

"P-pardon?" The blonde woman says.

"I mean…your shirt is barely a shirt."

"…I can't help the uniform." She says and Nicole looks over at the waitresses with their short skirts…and the female adventurers in even more revealing clothing.

"This world needs me…no, it needs Nicole-ism!" Nicole thinks before they go to the quest board, taking a few papers and walking out. At the bar a man in a Mohawk watches them leave.

"…Dark times ahead, and I fear it's not just for Axel."

===

That night, Kazuma spends the night in a stable, broke, bruised, a pariah for a crime he never attempted, and in tears.

"This isn't how my adventure was supposed to start…"