Yeah, I got the first two 2nd Edition books and went, wait, what?
It was probably said by someone else before, but I think one of the biggest draw of your story is your OCs.
Having no knowledge of 1/2 of the source material, I assumed your OCs included everything from the cat, the family, the main character, the toolsmith (who I suspected was a Norse mythology based dwarf), etc. They all seemed fine to me. Some of the dialogue could be a bit odd, and could use adjusting, but I mentioned that in a previous post where I drew attention to a couple of lines that were really odd, as if they'd been written with intended tone from a Japanese manga, but were converted to an English literature format. I've seen this a lot with fanfiction where Hikigaya Hachiman is concerned, where he poses a question to himself that at first seems logical but flips the script and denies it entirely, or poses a question that seems entirely illogical and then monologues internally to make it work.
Careful when making your main character and their actions/behaviors, you don't make them always do the right thing and have the right answer. You can have a character who objectively never fails at anything major they've attempted in a story still feel like they might screw something up, or like the rush to survival or possible death is ever looming, without that ever being the case in hindsight. Writing that can be difficult though, and that's kind of the veil that authors have to weave. You want (within the suspension of disbelief you've been granted by the fantasy story setting) to make everything believable and not at all abnormal in great parts, but abnormal in small parts that ultimately make an exceptional character or journey. As an example of what I mean when I say 'always doing the right thing for a scene to turn out how it needs to', I felt like the whole 'tackled a guy and proved he's just someone who will step in for anyone' scene was a bit forced, as its timing where he meets back up with Taylor is wonky if not outright imminent. Avoid ever telling the audience what to feel (especially under the guise where a character within the story is the one making that estimation, in this case, us and Taylor) and just show a series of things and let them(and us) come to that naturally. Even if you really, really wanted to show the exact reason why a character might be willing to trust him you definitely want to dress it up a bit more than you did there with Taylor in my opinion.
Him tackling whoever was reckless and possibly lethal for any normal person, as they would be recognized to be right now. Taylor and his perspective should be as these people (currently). So she could just as well have thought, 'He does reckless, ridiculous things sometimes...just like when...he brought me back mom's flute.' And then, without having told anyone WHAT to think, you've given the 'impression' that she's viewing these series of actions as interrelated and part of a greater correlation of character (as you would). Voila, suddenly Taylor has perspective and thoughts without you needing to outright say them (and you say those 'outright saying things' moments for REALLY IMPORTANT dramatic moments that define characters). This would be the moment where the chapter finishes on some kind of note like Taylor thinking, "Throw himself in front of a bus to push a stranger out of the way? Yea...he's just that kind of guy." - scene end.
Side note, no pawn shop is going to sell a flute for $10. What the hell would they have paid for it, and how would Emma have given her fragments of a broken flute? You can't even find a broken one for $10. The fact the flute was apparently inlaid and fairly valuable for design (coming with its own custom case) would only make that more silly. I'd advise retroactively changing that price to something more reasonable (and thus at greater loss to your MC, making the scene both realistic and more altruistic). You can find flutes at pawn shops for a couple hundred dollars, and some really garbage ones for a fair bit less, but to be clear, the way a pawn shop works is by offering someone somewhere between 20-40% of what they believe they can re-sell an object for. So if they see a flute, and they think they can only get $10, you're saying they paid Emma probably $2.00 for the flute. Which...no one's going to do. I mean, pawn shops actually write contracts and make you fingerprint and sign things to accept them. I'd price the flute at $100 or something (since this is assumedly a quality flute even used), and that will be far better!
I don't want to go back and dig through the logs of dialogue, as I feel like too many suggestions or corrections at once serve more to demoralize than encourage. You're doing the hard part, which is actually writing. There's a reason I chose the name I have for this forum, despite being a writer.
Either way, it's a good and entertaining read, and with some polishing and time to further hone your craft, you could be great! You're on the path.
