Better Enjoy This While I Can (ASOIAF, Stannis SI.)

Better Enjoy This While I Can​

A Stannis SI, that embraces having a fully functional body and ignores anything but having a good time and making sure Shireen smiles lots before he dies.

I have a lot of health issues and am basically allergic to every single food. With all the ideas for SI’s that have come up, I overlooked the simple one of revelling in having a body that can eat anything, doesn’t have nerve damage with constant pain, and isn’t in the bathroom for as long as Tywin.

It’s a comedy, but not quite crack levels of absurdity. I’m expecting about 10 chapters and just want something lighthearted to get me back into writing.

Waking Up On the Right Side Of The Wrong Bed.​

When my eyes flicker open like I’ve trained myself to years ago, I carefully slide out of bed without disturbing my fiance. The cold stone floor shocks me into a clearer head and I flail awkwardly for where the light switch should be on the wall.

It’s so early that the sun hasn’t even started to rise yet and for the first time in years, I’m not in excruciating pain the moment I’m awake. The pain must still just be asleep, better get to the bathroom before it catches up to me.

Deftly avoiding the desk with the wobbly lamp, I instead bang my knee hard against a dresser I wasn’t ready for. She must have been rearranged after I passed out last night... again.

The noise doesn’t wake her up, but my hissed cursing gets her to mumble at me with a rather strange tone to her voice. She sounds kind of stuffed up, hope we aren’t going to get sick.

“Don’t worry darling.” My reassuring words get my fiance to lay back down without only one more tired grunt. “I’m just going to do my usual business. no need for you to get up.”

Finally giving up on finding the light in my grogginess, I shuffle carefully towards the crack of orange light peeking in from the gap between the door and floor. The linoleum looks so dirty it’s almost a reddish brown. Going to need to do some cleaning after breakfast.

I freeze the moment my hand grabs an iron ring instead of the cheap brass doorknob on my bedroom. Did we spend the night at the party? My eyes squint and try to get any definition from the room I’m in. Because this definitely isn’t my room.

Instead of staying in the dark on my situation, I muster up enough energy to pull on the surprisingly heavy door. Light pours into the room immediately and draws another groan from the bed so I slip out and use my body to block as much of the light as I can.

When I get the door closed again and turn to glare at the lamp, I’m shocked to find a torch. The stone wall isn’t quite the right colour for a brick wall and I don’t see any mortar between these massive blocks.

“Stannis?” An older man’s voice cuts through my confusion and I glance over my shoulder to find a broad shouldered man giving me a strange look. His mouth is slightly ajar and I blink at how many teeth he’s missing.

“Is something wrong?” The tone is cordial but lacks the warmth of true friendship. Did he say Stannis?

“I’m not sure,” I admit after a few more seconds of examining the blue eyed man returning his own stare with the sharpness of a falcon. “I thought I needed to do some business, but I think it can wait for morning.”

The man who still has some blonde hair mixed in with his silvery white strands gives me a relieved look ad nods. “That’s good news, I only finished with the last of Robert’s tasks and was dreading another sleepless night going over things with you.”

As we talk in the castle corridor, memories begin to mix with my own. Lord Jon Arryn isn’t wrong to call me Stannis and I can’t blame him for the tense look. The two of us are planning to reveal Cersei’s betrayal to Robert once we have secured the last of the evidence.

Even though I realize how dangerous things have suddenly become for me, I just can’t find it in me to care. Stannis may have a stick up his ass, but at least he has a body not riddled with illness and injury.

I can even deal with being nearly bald if I can finally eat cheese again. I never expected to live a long life, so I’m just going to consider every day I get as if it was an extended last meal.

“We can talk later.” Waving him off with an overwhelmed look of my own, the Lord of the Vale marches of for his tower before anyone else can try and get him to do more work. “Don’t want you to keel over on me.”

As soon as he’s around the corner, my mind starts to race through Stannis’ memories of the Red Keep’s layout. He rarely goes to them, but he’s well aware of where the kitchens are located.

With a growing smirk, I stride towards the rooms that should be getting ready for breakfast. The few servants I pass only get as far as a slight widening of their eyes before they force them to the floor. It’s only when I pass an expertly polished set of armour and see my reflection, that I finally realize what all the looks are about.

Stannis probably doesn’t walk the castle in his bed clothes very often. I nearly giggle at that idea and that sends a pair of maids scurrying away before I notice them.

Relishing the fact that I’m over six feet tall, decently muscled, and have working bowels, I decide not to waste the time to change and continue my predawn stroll. I can smell bread baking, I’m getting close!

“Prince Stannis!” A gasp comes from the head cook when I’m spotted watching from the door. “What can I do for you?”

“Some of that bread when it’s cooled to start with.” My words just make the pudgy redhead blink a few times in confusion. “Cheese and slices of meat would be nice, but don’t prepare anything fresh for me. I’m fine with what the gold cloaks eat.”

I end up adding at least one of every fruit and vegetable I can see on display in the kitchen and soon have a heaping pile of food. While my mouth waters, I ignore the mixed looks of disgust and amazement on the servants faces.

I manage to get all the food on a single silver tray but don’t have any hands left for my three different kinds of fruit juice. Trying to eat in the kitchens is a failure, none of the servants can work properly while they think I’m judging their performance.

After my third attempt to get them to ignore my presence, I decide it’s better if I shuffle off to my solar with my prize now claimed. I need a pair of the girls to bring my refreshments, but I do make sure to leave a tip for each of the kitchen staff before we leave.

That just brings me more confused glances and I awkwardly head back towards my families chambers with the maidens who are starting to worry I might decide to try some of my brother’s other vices. To assuage that fear, I send them off the moment they set the pitchers down on my sturdy but unadorned desk.

“Tell the kitchens that I have a silver for each person working that day, if I’m brought a sample of any new dish.” I prove the claim by pulling a pouch from my desk and counting out one for each person who helped get me fed.

After they scamper back to the kitchens, I start to try all the foods that used to make me physically ill. Tomatoes don’t make my mouth bleed and the lobster doesn’t give me puffy, tear filled eyes. When I finish the four different kinds of cheese on the platter, my stomach doesn’t contort in pain like it has since I was ten.

Deciding the world’s going to see a very different Stannis Baratheon for the few years before everything falls apart, I reach back into my desk for some fresh parchment. When I start to write in English, my eyes immediately recognize it as the common tongue of Westeros.

Well that’s not going to do, can’t have Varys taking credit for ‘my’ work. With the French I learned well enough in school to get B for all nine years, I use two whole candles before the sun is high enough to provide light.

I manage to get down nearly the entire Queen catalogue before my platter is empty and I hear a knock at my door. “Come in.” My words are muffled as I wipe my face, forcing me to repeat myself before the door pushes inwards with a creak.

“Father?” The voice of Shireen slips into my ears and the desire to give this girl the best, is something Stanns and I can both agree on. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m feeling better than I ever have my sweet.” Wasting no time, I spring to my feet and pull the startled girl into a tight hug. “Is their anything you’ve always wanted but have been to afraid to ask me for?”

She hesitates and I try hard to avoid glancing at her scaly cheek. “You wouldn’t approve.”

The world is only going to hurt this girl and she’s one of the few spots of true undiluted goodness in the entire series as far as I’m concerned. I’m going to need to send a letter to Lord Tarth and see about getting Brienne’s services secured. Even if I die, she’ll keep Shireen safe with Davos.

Davos... He’s going to need a proper reward and some real time off to spend with his family. “I woke up and realized just how lucky I really am.” She frowns at the words, making me poke her right on the nose and beep. “You’re amazing and so is you’re mother.” If I’m stuck with Selyse now, I may as well try making it more than bearable.

“I have and incredible right hand in Davos and my brother told the world I was his heir when he gave me Dragonstone.” Maybe I can even avoid gruesome death if I play my cards right.

The death Robert is driving himself to all on his own is my new goal. My pondering end when Shireen finally musters up the courage to admit her request.

“I want to go to a tourney.” Her voice is soft and hesitant, fully expecting me to squash the idea without a second thought.

“Wouldn’t it be better,” She doesn’t even let me finish be her face drops in prepared disapointment. “If we threw one ourselves?”

That has her gasp in disbelief and look up with shimmering eyes. “Really?” Her doubt just makes me grin and nod firmly. “But you said it was a waste of money.” She frowns as another concern rises. “And Dragonstone isn’t large enough to have a proper one.”

“Well...” My playful smile has her excited. “Robert gave me Dragonstone when I was his heir, but that’s not my position anymore.” Renly won’t give up Storm’s End, but I don’t have Stannis’ attachment for it either. “I’ll need to speak with my brother and his wife first, but I think we can arrange to have a tourney by your next nameday.”

 

Chapter 2: Is It Too Late To Start Over?
Selyse Baratheon​

When Shireen doesn’t return with her father, I realize his strange mood must not have passed. He called me ‘darling’.

Approaching his solar with a frustrated huff, I hear one of the most unexpected things. Are they... signing?

Shaking off the hesitation and knocking lightly on the door doesn’t work. It’s not until I’m nearly banging on the door with a fist, that my arrival is heard.

“Who is it?” The voice of Davos Seaworth is the one that finally speaks with barely concealed amusement.

“Is my lord husband inside with you?” I’m forced to grunt out through gritted teeth, despite knowing full well he hasn’t left since the servants brought his feast.

Instead of the normal gruff tone Stannis has had since the day we met, he calls out my name with what almost sounds like joy. “Selyse!”

He hisses at someone to open the door while I try to wipe the look of concern from my face. Stannis will not be happy if I try to use emotions to get my way. With no desire to face days of stony silence again, I enter the moment the fool opens the door.

“I’m so glad you came,” My husbands swift approach startles me and I nearly gasp when her pulls me into a hug. “We’re just trying to decide on our family song and I could really use some support on the clearly superior choice.” He gives the other three a stern look but that only makes Shireen giggle in response.

Patchface claps behind her and his bells jingle annoyingly. “Only a fool would think a song about riding a horse would be a good choice.” The simpleton smirks at my husband who just rolls his eyes in frustration. “But I don’t hear any grinding.

“It’s not about riding a horse,” Drawls my husband with more good humour than I’ve ever heard in his voice. “It’s ‘I want to ride my des-tri-er’.” He sing’s the last part with a shockingly good voice. “Shireen at least picked a good one. ‘I want to break free’ is a great song but would just give everyone the wrong idea.”

Ser Seaworth interjects with an apologetic smile towards my daughter. “I must agree with your father Shireen. It would not be a good choice for a second son.”

“What are the other options?” I manage to ask when I realize all eyes are expectantly waiting for me to say something.

That just makes me sure I’m still in bed asleep. I get what feels like an afternoon of song choices that leave me in a dazed state. The platter of food has been picked over by all present but I manage to grab a few pieces of cheese in my distraction.

Somehow I manage to avoid giving a solid answer but I don’t miss hearing what my husband says to his right hand man. “I better not see you back here for a whole month Davos.”

“You go spend some well earned time off with Marya and the kids.” Did the man do something especially valuable lately? “I’ll be fine for a few weeks. Just deliver the letters and teach your people how to play in time for the tourney.”

“You’re sure that all you need me to do is bring these to the maester?” The lowborn knight holds up three sealed letters and my curiosity grows.

“I hope I have time to get Tarly’s son sent to squire for me.” My look must have been noticed, because Stannis gives me what on what anyone else would be called a half smile. “I’ve... heard the boy is brilliant and I think it’s about time Lord Randall gets credit for his victory.”

Perking up at the mention of the letters, Shireen stops at the door and hesitantly asks her now clearly smiling father a question. “And Lady Brienne will come be my friend?”

“I want her to protect you most of all,” Stannis corrects her before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her temple. “But I do intend to help you make some friends your own age.”

Lord Arryn wishes for his son to foster with me, but I feel it would be better to invite his mother along with Robin.” He turns to me now and my cheeks grow warm at the glance towards my chest. “I wouldn’t ask Lady Lysa to leave her child with someone she doesn’t trust. So I’m going to need you’re help in showing her we only want the best for her son.”

“Of course.” Even if I wanted to argue, I couldn’t. Stannis has never looked at me like this before and I would do anything to ensure he does it again.

“Thank you my darling.” He repeats the phrase I thought was only a dream and know everyone must hear the hammering in my chest. “I knew I could count on you.”

Realizing that only explains two letters, I risk asking about the last one. “And the third letter, who is it for?”

“The Starks.” My husband answers with no hint of annoyance and seems eager to discuss it with someone new. “If Lord Eddard could keep my brother contained while they had been young men, maybe Shireen would be able to do the same with his more wild daughter.”

“You intend to send her to the North?” That worries me greatly.

“I don’t really intend anything yet.” He counters without losing the grin, giving me the courage to continue arguing if he sticks with such a crazy idea. “But I learned about these things the Ibbense use to stave off the cold. The maester said these ‘saunas’ have left Ib with no recorded cases of greyscale in the last forty years.”

“Father’s sending Lord Stark the instructions to make them and he’s even going to send them to the Iron Isles.” Blurts out Shireen making Stannis nod slowly.

“It’s a contagious disease and almost half of the cases in Westeros come from the isles. It’s only sensible to limit new outbreaks from reaching the mainland.” His words make sense, but I’m still shocked he would consider the health of Ironborn.

Realizing he still hasn’t answered the question, I steer the conversation back to the Starks. “And what do you intend with Shireen?”

“Make sure she’s happy.” He answers simply and I’m left at a loss for words.

I don’t notice when everyone else leaves, even with Shireen’s very vocal goodbye. It takes a while to find the words but eventually decide to keep it simple.

“What’s going on?”

Stannis just shrugs and takes my hand in his own. “I spoke to the maester a while ago...”

“And?” His pause is concerning but he’s not normally one for such dramatics.

“I don’t expect to live all that long.” That shocks me into silence and I can feel my jaw hanging loose. “So I’ve decide it’s time to stop griping about what I don’t have and focus on how lucky I have been.”

“Shireen will get the best and so will you.” His stare bores into my head until I meet his blue eyes with my own. “You’ve been devoted and loyal, which I know is rare after our time in the capital.”

“Oh.” My cheeks are definitely pink now but he doesn’t stop with his kind words.

“I haven't done my duty to you and I’m sorry.” He gives my hand a squeeze and in this moment I know I would forgive him anything. “I promised to love you when we first wed but I have failed in that nearly every day since.”

Is this what swooning feels like? “From now on that will change... for as long as I’m still alive at least.” That splash of dread dampens the mood. “Before I go talk to Robert, would you be alright with living at Summerhall?”

“But that’s just ruins.” He nods and explains that Dragonstone is for the heir and that’s not his position anymore.

“We need to bargain now while we still have a position of strength and brother on the throne.” The grim look that replaces the smile makes me worry. “Once Robert is gone, Dragonstone will be given to Tommen.”

“So you intend to trade what you know will be taken?” I realize why he appears to be making such a poor choice and start to nod along with him.

“And hopefully before Cersei realizes my offer is already her sons.” Standing and stretching after his day behind a desk, I notice he’s still in his be clothes. “How do you feel about Edric staying with us? I want to speak to Renly before he and his squire leave.”

“The reason?” That will change how I feel by a wide margin.

“If he and Shireen like each other, I can press for him to be legitimized.” The idea doesn’t seem to be a goal only a consideration and so I don’t get irritated at not being told before now. “If they don’t... I’d rather raise Renly’s heir with a Baratheon around and not leave it all to Ser Penrose.”

With confidence only gained by noticing yet another glance at my chest, I grab my husbands arm. “You should change before you see them...” With a gulp I try to purr. “Maybe after we try again for an heir?”

 

Chapter 3: White Lies​

The spring in my step as I approach the throne room is drawing almost as many eyes as my bed clothes had earlier. But it’s really the smile that seems to be scaring people away from me. How could Stannis ignore a wife as wild as Selyse?

I spent my entire life knowing I was barely above average in the looks department, but I realized something very early on in life. Enthusiasm makes up for a lot and we both had more than enough to make us both tens.

It’s well past midday by the time I’m ready to meet with King Robert,=. Who I really must start thinking of as my brother, if I want this to work.

“You’re late!” Caws out the already flushed face of the eldest Baratheon, while Lord Arryn gives me an unreadable look from his place standing at my brother’s right. “Has that ever happened before Jon?”

“Not that I can recall,” Admits the one actually keeping the Kingdom running.

Renly may not be politically deft but he does know people, his eyes lighting up in amusement when he sees something in my expression. “It’s also the first time I’ve ever seen him smile.”

“Incredible midday sex will do that.” My smile only grows as my reply gets gasps of shock from all four men. “We both tried a bunch of new things and I’m regretting treating it like a duty for so long.”

“I spent my whole life being miserable,” Admitting that is easy, the memories of Stannis really highlight his depression. “But my brothers always seemed to be able to smile and have a good time.”

Those words shock my siblings into a silent stupor, with Robert’s mouth hanging open wide enough to catch a hummingbird. Even Jon exchanges a look of disbelief with Ser Barristan, currently standing guard at Robert’s left.

“... What?” Renly manages to get out a coherent reply first and I can only give him a shrug.

“Your perspective on things changes when you know your candle is burning low.” I’ve decided the easiest way to stay off of the board is to make it appear as if the piece is already on it’s way back into the box.

Jon realizes the deeper meaning and his eyes narrow on me in concern. “What are you trying to say?”

“My maester on Dragonstone gave me at most a decade, but more realistically...” I let the words hang as Renly and Robert’s eyes both go grim with comprehension. “I’m looking at three to five years before I’m dead.”

“Truly?” With a soft voice, Robert actually looks on me with concern that makes the remnant of Stannis smirk inside me.

“I’d like to enjoy life first and I know no one better to emulate in this than my brothers.” Now I need to be careful in how I phrase this, because one wrong word could still set Robert off. “First I need to thank you Robert and then apologize for how ungrateful I have been all these years.”

No one says anything in response to that and it gives me the chance to press on with my words. “I could only focus on what I had lost and not the honour you showed the world I had earned.” Buttering him up should be easy with the whole dying thing. “You named me your heir when you gave me Dragonstone but that’s not a position I can hold anymore.”

“No...” My older brother shakes his very pale face. “I guess you can’t.”

“It should go to Joffrey until he is king.” I ignore Jon’s widening eyes. “And since I have no desire to steal from my younger brother, who I can finally admit I love.” That gets Renly to nearly fall over in a complete shock. “I figured I should ask you both if I can have the Summerhall lands. I want to leave something for Shireen and the son we still hope to have before my end.”

“But it’s just rubble, why would you want it?” Renly isn’t against the idea, but he at least has seen the ruins in the last few months.

“I want to be closer to you and have Shireen get to know her uncle and cousin Edric.” That silences him with eyes nearly popping out of his sockets. “I’m not going to be able to protect her forever, so I need to make sure she’s prepared to live in a world without me.”

Grim silence fills the throne room at my last remark and I desperately think of a way to lift he mood again. “Besides, I can’t really throw a tourney on such a small island.”

“You want to throw one?” My little brother is leaning against a pillar for support.

A simple nod is all I give him in response before I turn back to Robert. “You’re probably going to want to start looking for a new Master of Ships as well.”

“Might I recommend a Manderly, if you want to start mending fences with your friend Lord Stark.” I manage to say his name with none of Stannis’ vitriol, getting raised eyebrows from both Jon and Robert. Or at least someone from Dorne or the Reach.” Anything to keep things stable just a few months longer.

“What are you going to do?” Jon is fishing for information and probably thinks this is part of our plan to replace Joffrey. “A man can do a lot in three years.” His mind must be racing to make connections that don’t actually exist.

“I intend to spend as much of my remaining time with my family as I can.” A look of sudden inspiration crosses my face and I smile at Lord Arryn. “My brother had great fun growing up with you and Lord Eddard in the Vale. I intended to ask Lord Stark to have one of his daughters ward with me until my demise.” Robert is grinning like a loon at that idea.

“But what if I ask him to also send a son to spend time with Edric and if his lady wife brings them South...” Finally Jon sees my plan and begins nodding along with me. “Her sister and Nephew may like to join them for a time?”

Seeing the wine glass clutched absently in Robert’s hand, I clap to disperse the sombre mood. “What vintage was that? If I’m going to start drinking, I may as well get advice from the best.”

Standing with a face splitting smile on his face, Robert rushes forward and grabs me and Renly in a tight embrace. “It’s about damned time!”

...


With the easy part out of the way, I stride towards Lord Tywin’s solar as soon as I’m informed of the uueen’s arrival. All I had to do was tell a few red cloaks that I needed to ask them for a favour and they insisted on informing me themselves.

When I’m allowed inside the far more resplendent room than my own, I take the simple and unadorned chair left available across from the smirking Lord Lannister. “And how can we be of assistance to you Lord Stannis?”

Good, no wasting time on pleasantries. “I want to give Joffrey Dragonstone for his nameday but I’m going to need some funds to rebuild Summerhall in it’s place.”

“...” I can hear the flies above the wine buzzing in the silence my comment creates.

“I’ll help him get established with his future vassals and make sure he knows how I keep them inline.” Keeping my face blank, I nearly break when a look of glee flashes across Cersei’s admittedly beautiful face. “In exchange, I’m asking for enough funds to build a small keep on the cleared lands where Summerhall once stood.”

“I believe that can be arranged.” Silencing his eager daughter with only a glance, Tywin barely even allows his own lips to quirk upwards.

We shake hands over his red desk I believe is cherry. “Now on to Lord Arryn’s investigation.”

The bluntness of my words gets a gasp out of Cersei and I do feel my face twist into a wry grin. “What do you know?”

“He’s looking into Robert’s bastards in case Joffrey is deemed unsuitable.” I quickly hold up a hand to stall her. But unlike her father, I get sputtering instead. “All three of us can privately acknowledge he has some concerning traits but he is the heir.” That gets approving looks from both Lannisters.

“Lord Tywin,” I speak to him directly and with just a hint of begging. “You are going to be needed to guide the prince now, before he is too old to be shaped any longer. Otherwise he will turn many houses against him in his first year as king.” And you know how long it takes to rebuild a reputation.

“I’m going to keep Lord Arryn busy and collect the known bastards, tying them to equally low matches to ensure they can’t be used against my nephew.” I can’t save them all and I only know the names of a handful, but I can try to keep those four alive.

“I’m already having the Tarly heir sent so he can make eyes at the Vale bastard once she arrives.” It hurts me to say the words but I manage to say it with a straight face somehow. “And the beast of Tarth will be used to keep the Storm boy away from the public eye.”

The devious looks I get in response are enough to chill my soul. But I’m not trying to save the world, just a few children. If I need to make a few deals with a pair of devils, I will.

 

Chapter 4: Watch and Learn
Varys​

Nestled in the secret rookery below Pycelle’s own, I find nothing of use inside any of the letters sent by Lord Stannis. The one hailing the lord of Tarth is filled with simple greetings and a request for him to bring his daughter to Dragonstone. What he could want with the unfortunate girl I know not, but it is something to keep an eye on.

A similar message was sent to the Lord of Hornhill, asking for his son Samwell to come squire for Stannis. Though that one was filled with respectful acknowledgement of his past success in the rebellion, instead of the flowery praise he used on Lord Tarth.

“Who knew the grim faced Baratheon was so good with his words beneath such an acidic personality?” My chuckling gets the ravens agitated, with the biggest one even giving a few temperamental flaps to draw my attention back to him. “He’s never shown this level of social grace before.”

Good thing he’s not long for the world or I may have had to arrange something. It seems Stannis could have actually tried his hand at playing king if Jon and he had their way.

Dropping a glob of the same wax from Lord Stannis’ desk onto the letter, I carefully press it with a copy of his seal. With a frown at how mundane they all turned out to be, I realize I’ve only truly learned one thing. Stannis has been choosing to be difficult for all these years.

With a final hiss of frustration, I release the small flock back to their aerial delivery. Stannis surprised me with both the suddenness of his meeting with the Lannisters and it’s brevity. I didn’t have time to hear anything important.

If Stannis can’t keep Cersei and her little terror occupied, it seems I’ll need to remind Lord Arryn he has another brother to groom how he sees fit. Inspiration strikes me when I think back to the letters and I allow a smirk to flicker across my face faster than cracking glass.

Lord Stark may be sending some of his children South and if that happens... he might be convinced to take Stannis’ position on the Small Council. That would keep Baelish focused on personal matters instead of messing with my plans.

Glancing at the single lit candle I brought, I scowl at how the groove I marked has nearly been reached by the flame. With my time nearly up, I’m forced to rush through my change into one of my least favourite disguises. Acting and appearing like an old woman from Crackclaw Point is easy and not something that bothers me in the slightest.

It’s just the itchy burlap clothing that I should have never chosen in the first place that makes it nearly unbearable. Giving myself a proper once over in the grimy mirror I hauled in here years ago, everything wrinkle is up to my inspection. Would be embarrassing to mess up a disguise I’ve been using for the better part of two decades.

Barely climbing out of the sewer in time to see Stannis and his pair of guards turn off the Hook onto Muddy Way. Off to the Street of Steel, just like you let slip in the kitchens this morning. But is it the same shop that Lord Arryn always visits?

The trio stop for long enough that I nearly overtake them, even with my snail paced shuffling. The King’s brother has a look of strange intensity as he watches a whore be haggled with for her services.

I know you don’t approve of the profession, but surely you aren’t going to cause a scene in the middle of the street. Stannis takes a few deep breathes and shakes his head to clear whatever thought struck him before continuing his trek towards the more expensive shops as we climb Visenya’s Hill.

Taking note of each place he stops on the way, I’ll need to send someone by later to find out exactly what he’s placing all these orders for. I thought the Lannister loan was for keep, not these flights of fancy.

With my curiosity growing with each consecutive stop, I decide to follow them inside the woodcarver’s shop to see what I can hear up close. Malegorn, the far less friendly of the two guards, sees me and nearly chases me out.

Before he can get more than a few harsh words out in my direction, Stannis intervenes. And with more kindness than I can ever remember him using inside the Red Keep.

“M’lord, wait!” Quickly holding up the pouch of coins I had managed to grab out of his desk earlier, an honest to the Seven smile fills his face. “You dropped this just outside.”

“No I didn’t.” He shakes his head firmly and I start to get concerned when he checks with both guardsmen. “Is that either of yours’?”

Malegorn looks like he’s about to claim it for himself, but thinks better of it when he gives his lord a second look. “Not mine Lord Stannis and I know Justin here doesn’t have a purse that full.”

“It’s your lucky day,” Shrugging with denial, the balding Lord pushes my hand away gently. “But you should probably keep that hidden on your way home and count it when you know it’s safe.”

“Are you sure?” I make sure to keep enough eagerness in my creaking voice to sell it and Stannis surprises me again with his reaction.

“You need it more than I do and proved you deserve it by this attempt to return the purse.” He gives a smile wide enough that I can count all of his still mostly white teeth and reassures me. “Miss...”

When he realizes he doesn’t know my name he doesn’t shrug it off and instead asks with genuine interest in his eyes. My response has him mutter under his breath about having Varys make sure I got home safely and for Ser Justin to remind him if he forgets.

“It’s not like I’ll be able to find her again on my own and this matters to the new me I’m trying to be.” Stannis explains to the confused Justin Massey before shooting a wry going back over his shoulder in my direction. “Well Miss Ruth from the Cobblers Square. I hope the rest of your day is as amazing as you’ve turned out to be.”

It’s harder than I expected to remain in character throughout the interaction, with each minute giving more proof that Stannis has a beating heart in his chest. Squeaking out what will pass for a goodbye, I wait for the door to slam shut before locking eyes with the shopkeeper.

“Our mutual friend wants to know the order and don’t waste time, that man is a brisk walker and I’m not getting any younger.” The biting tone gets a hesitant nod from Humfrey Waters, far preferring the ‘public’ persona of this disguise. “All he wants is a wooden hammer?” Why?

“A whole bunch of them and in a whole lot of different colours.” He shows how the heads of the mallets are going to screw into the shaft and I still see no purpose for making a worse hammer. “He also want’s a few planks made from flexible wood strong enough to bounce a person on a few times. No idea what for though.”

“That’s for our ‘friend’ to figure out, you’ve done your part.” And I need to change into something different before they get to far away.

“Well hurry up and go finish yours.” Humfrey shoes me off when he realizes he’s lost sight of the trio. “He was heading for the smiths and had a far larger list. You should be able to keep him in sight with how single minded he seems to be.” I also noticed that about Stannis’ change in personality, but it’s nice to have some independent confirmation.

Let’s find out how well you react to your nephew. Is he going to be a surprise or the real reason I’m following you today?

By the time I force myself into a clay splattered potter’s disguise, Stannis has drawn quite the crowd around Tobho Mott’s shop. A surprise it would seem, but a good one.

Stannis has a shocked teen held in a firm bear hug, both of the Waters boy’s feet lifted into the air as he stumbles for words. That problem isn’t affecting Stannis though, as he begins peppering the paling boy with questions.

After declaring the boy his nephew for the whole street to hear, he gives his list to Tobho Mott and drags the overwhelmed Gendry along after him. Promises of letting him squire along with the Tarly boy are mildly concerning at first. But it’s when I hear Stannis mention finding his nephew a nice girl like a Flowers or a Hill to settle down with that I start to realize Stannis isn’t some hidden genius trying to claim power.

 

Chapter 5: Pool Party
Stannis​

Giving the springs one final test to make sure they will not move, Gendry gives me the signal to slide the treated board securely into place. The limestone tiled pool is ready to be filled and Devan Seaworth eagerly waits with his mallet in hand beside the wedge holding the stream at bay.

“Can I hit it now?” My squire insisted he couldn’t go back home with his father and the seven year old has been working himself to exhaustion the last few weeks to prove his worth.

“Lord Stannis already said we have to wait for his brothers,” The devoted Gendry insists with a side eyed glance towards me.

I’m pretty sure Devon’s just worried I want to replace him with Gendry. And maybe Samwell too... whenever he arrives. But Devon has nothing to worry about, I can have multiple squires.

The only limiting factor is wealth and the Lannisters have provided quite the hefty sum to get me off of Dragonstone within the year. Three hundred and seventy five thousand gold now and another fifty thousand once I move out.

All I need to put up with is Tyrion checking my books while Summerhall is rebuilt. And convince him to let me put in the stadium for the games.

“They won’t be much longer lads, the King is quite intrigued by his brother’s project.” Jon chimes in from the croquet course beside the pool and I see his whole face light up when Robin wins the round. “He’s going to love the idea of a game that you play with hammers.”

“Remember this is only the casual version, we still have Polo that you play from horseback.” And on a way bigger field.

Randall wants to disinherit Samwell and Brienne will need a husband willing to let her fight. I’m hoping just having them around each other will be enough. But I guess I can always just explain my reasoning to the pair if they take too long.

Gendry might only be my squire now, but the only way Cersei is going to let me keep him near me is by asking Robert to name him my heir. If Shireen and Robin get along, I should have my own little block of neutrality I can lean on.

If they aren’t a good match, I’m not going to force it. Bran and Arya will be coming South soon enough and Tommen is still an option.

“You really do have the eyes of a falcon,” Groans my daughter with mostly good humour in her voice. “I haven’t beaten you once.”

With a chest puffing up in pride, Robin flashes a charming smile at her. “Thanks, but you just hit the ball too hard Shireen. You’ll probably do better with the horse kind.”

The look he gives his father is enough to let me know he was coached before being brought for the party. When Jon notices I’ve caught the exchange, he just gives me a wry look. Sharing a chuckle makes me revel in the fact that I actually have a friend of my own.

Lysa seems to be in a better mood than usual and I’m assuming Baelish has jumped on the chance to use her and Robin to spy on my family. While it makes sense Lysa is latching on to any alternative for what Jon originally told her.

Things are closer to the start of the series than I had first believed. Jon really did just go from fine health to dead in only a week.

“Well...” With a teasing grin I give the seven year old Devon permission to swing. “My brother’s aren’t the most patient men. It would probably be a better idea to have it at least mostly filled before they arrive.”

He blows a raspberry at the older Gendry, drawing giggles from Shireen and Robin as the water starts to pour into the swimming pool. The shallow end is going to only be about three feet deep but near my attempt at a diving board, it’s nearly as tall as two Sandors.

As soon as the wedge of wood is knocked away, a six inch stream of the Blackwater rush begins to splash down into the basin. Adopting a false frown that my facial muscles are naturally trained to rest in, I march with my arms crossed towards the pair of boys.

I knew everyone would want to have a hand in the process and prepared ahead of time with more than one blocked of part of the river. “Well this isn’t going to work at all. Good thing I gave you all a mallet.”

Shireen and Robin are almost bouncing on their heels when they rush over to find me standing beside three more pieces of wood holding back the water. “One for each of you still, but I’d hurry before Joffrey and his siblings get the honour.”

It takes almost an entire hour for Robert and his family to arrive, With Cersei regarding Gendry’s now lightly dusted dark grey hair with approval. It makes Gendry look just that little bit more like me instead of Robert in his prime and the Queen clearly makes the connection when her conniving smirk shoots my way.

“You’ve spent weeks digging a pool?” Robert is trying not to look to disappointed, but it seems like he was expecting something a little bit more impressive.

“I didn’t dig the pool.” I paid the workers to do it with Lannister gold. “I built the Barathaball course and this!”

The confusion of my strange name for croquet is dashed past as I walk over to the diving board and test it with my foot. “I like competition but I’ve been bored at every single tourney, because they have the same three events that have been done forever.”

“You don’t really need any fancier ways of beating on another man.” Grumbles my older brother and I give him a careful no in response.

“And for a warrior of peak skill that’s true.” The butter is kept right beside my tongue when Robert is around and I’m being very generous with the serving at the moment. “But I want to leave a legacy beyond my bad attitude.”

Even Shireen laughs at that and how light my tone is. “So I’ve come up with a two week celebration of the Baratheon legacy at it will hopefully be held each spring after I’m gone.”

With that perfect segue, I wriggle the sesame seed around my gums and barely keep the wince from my face when I gouge myself deep. A storm of hacking coughs interrupt my speech and when I pull my sleeve away, it’s speckled with bright red blood that gets Robert to lose his bluster.

Joffrey actually manages to restrain himself from making a crass comment and I nearly miss Cersei nodding at him with a smirk of her own. “Sorry about that. The more stressed out I allow my self to be, the worse the ulcers get.”

I know it’s just bacteria. But even in my first life it was only a recent discovery, so it’s been a surprisingly effect condition to give myself.

“Sorry about that.” When I treat it like something to be ignored, everyone else is quite eager to do the same. “Now, as I was saying.” With a single fluid motion that I did not practice dozens of times, I peel of my tunic and grab at the prepared tear in my pants. Yes, I also invented tear away pants.

“I want many ways to witness tests of skill and strength.” Climbing onto the stained wooden diving board, my grin becomes face splitting when it begins to bounce properly. “Something like this comes to mind.”

Running for the end of the plank, I spring myself three times off the end before shooting over the filled pool. I tuck myself into a ball and manage two full flips before straightening out for my dive.

With almost no splash I slice into the clear water and emerge to the excited clapping of the children. Even Joffrey is so shocked he forgets his own arrogance for a moment.

“And now that I know it works, I want to put it even higher so the divers have more time to do tricks.” If the way Loras reacted is any sign, all those summer knights will have a new way to stay entertained. “The children will show you what I think will become the Reach’s new favourite pastime and then I can go over my plans for the racetracks.” I have no idea why they aren’t already racing dogs and horses, but I see no reason to avoid making money of my own.