Distant Memory - short story

[anaklusmos]

DISTANT MEMORY


I watched her walk away. A distant memory. I stared down, to the hand that once held hers. I was alone, again. I watched her smile, but not for me. I hoped, I missed, I still wanted her. So much. I never, and will never stop loving her. But a distant memory she became. She held him in her arms as they talked, and laughed, and conversed. The same way we used to, the same jokes, same laugh.

I saw the way she looked at him. The way she used to look at me. I missed those doe eyes. That once shined so brightly for me under the night sky. But, did I truly miss what we had? Did I miss having her? That feeling? Was it my fault? Or hers? It could never be hers, it was mine, all mine. I feel tears starting to swell up in my eyes, yet there's nothing there. Just a soft gaze. She's a distant memory now.

I pulled, she pulled, yet, the rope finally broke, and I lost her. She fell into the arms of another man. But that feeling for her will never change. She's happy. She smiles, she laughs. Not for me. For him. There I stand, lost again. Losing my head. Not knowing you'd be better off with me.

A distant memory now. Her soft silky hair, her brown eyes. Gazing up at me, with a soft giggle. A giggle men would go to war over. The voice of an angel. Soft, and gentle. Kind, and sweet. I missed her. Her hand in mine.

Tears finally show. Yet, it's too late. A distant memory, slowly fading, but never leaving me. I find it hard. Coming back to our spot, the spot where we bared our souls, where our love blossomed. When I know he took you here.

Our star no longer shines, a sheet of darkness enveloping. I sit there, reaching out for a hand that was never truly mine. I gaze at you, yet you don't look back. Our rope is broken, in shreds. Yet, I still hold on. A distant memory, never gone from my mind. You are my star, my hope, my love.

I hope, I wish, I yearn. Yet I live, cry and I smile. I need you. But, you are happy, happy living your life without me, in a world where we could not live without each other. So I smile. I smile through the tears. Watching him give you what I could not. What I would not. I find it hard, coming back this far out, searching for our star. I shake every time they touch you, yet I keep still, and watch that smile. Your smile, that is brighter than the stars. My angel, Mi angel. Mi hermosa. Mi amor. But, no longer. My fault, all my fault. My distant memory.

I smile, yet I am in pain. I should have known better, yet I am a fool. You gaze at me as if I'm nothing, as if our love was just a distant memory. Just a piece of litter to be thrown into the nearest garbage bin, but you, you were what I coveted the most, the one I'd put so high on a pedestal. I would have moved Heaven and Earth just to see you smile once more at me. Just one word. One word from your mouth aimed at me, not him. But I guess you didn't feel the same.
When I see you sitting with him, I see you smile. I see you laugh. I see that, and all is well. I cry. Yet I smile. Because no matter what, in the end, all I want is the best for you, as I become your distant memory. You dream of him, as I dream of you. My distant memory.

I gaze at you once more and let go. Of our distant memories.