Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You (Doki Doki Literature Club)

Aimless Shenanigans · Apr 21, 2019

Doki Doki Literature Club (DDLC) is not suitable for children or those who are easily disturbed.
This is a fan-work that should only be consumed after finishing DDLC proper.
Those with histories of mental illness and other serious issues may not have a safe experience with this story.
I suspect that some of you will be at risk.
Please be careful when consuming this or any other piece of fan content.

Chapter 1: Limbic

Irregular heartbeat. Heart palpitations. Arrhythmia. I search and search, eyes scanning everything I can find.

I've felt this feeling before. I've been in this location too many times. Not too many to count, but far more than I deserve. A feeling swells in my brain. Dread of indescribable proportions grips my very soul.

What is this? Shortness of breath? Chest pain? Dizziness?

I stumble through the darkness. My eyes adjust. They tell me everything I already know. I'm in the upstairs hallway of my best friend's house. Legs made of jelly cause me to lean against the near wall for support. My arms remain at my sides, lacking the necessary energy to aid me.

No. This is all wrong.

I slide down to the floor, seated in a heap. Something is different this time. A haze fills my brain. My vision blurs. Earth is my home in this universe, but the way my spirit quivers, I feel as far away as the Oort cloud. Suddenly, I feel something I never have. I realize that this is not the location I've been to so many times. This both relieves me and gives me a sense of otherworldly fear.

What happens now? I know how this usually ends. There are only two options, and I am not in control of the outcome. Normally, all I can do is pray to whatever local God is listening that they will have mercy on me. There is no telling how many more times I can deal with the worse outcome. Sanity slips fractions of inches away from my mind every time I behold that which I do not wish to see. Even one full inch away is too far to lead a normal life on a day-to-day basis.

Danger.

There is a blank wall where the stairs should be. The end of the hall seems to have disintegrated. I am floating in the void of space. This self-contained prison is where I meet my fate whenever I find myself in this situation. I didn't come here of my own will, and I am not allowed to leave. The only thing to beget my freedom is to open the lone door in this hallway.

Just do it.

I turn over onto my knees. Clammy hands against the wall help me struggle to my feet. I'm standing, but I'm not happy. My head droops and bangs into the wall as though seeking refuge in unconsciousness. It wouldn't save me from what I must do, but it is nice to think it would.

Get it over with.

My head turns slower than an egg timer counts down. Steady is my breath, surprisingly. On the other hand, I'm trembling. The scent of stardust fills my nostrils, and I don't know how I know what that is. Sweat trickles down the side of my face, and I feel every single bit of it. It's too much. There is hardly anything here, hardly anything happening, but I can't help feeling overstimulated.

You need to act, or this will never end.

Before my gaze fixates on the door, it passes over the gap exposing the universe. It feels more like the gap between dimensions. Everything is so foreign. I don't feel like I'm actually here. On some level, I don't feel anything. On another, I feel everything simultaneously. I can't stand it. It feels as though I am constantly dying and being reborn. You can't imagine what this experience is like. It's hell. Utter hell.

Take that first step.

I take that first step. More accurately, I shuffle. My feet never leave the floor, yet I move forward. My destination awaits this frail yet unyielding body I inhabit. I must get there. I must put an end to this. No one wants to prolong their suffering if they can help it. I've put action off for too long now, just as I always do. Anxiety penetrates me, and it only grows the closer I get.

Good.

What will it be this time? There isn't rhyme or reason as to what awaits me. Maybe this time a third option will present itself, a third option I still cannot influence. After all, this isn't exactly how this place normally is. I still cannot grasp what happened to make this session so... unfamiliar. The only thing I know for real is that the winds of change made their presence known as soon as I got here.

Grab the doorknob.

I move my arm. My hands have stopped trembling. I feel like my insides have been set ablaze. My breathing couldn't be less human. The urge to turn away is overwhelming. However, I muster the strength to carry on. I'm so close now. My fingers wrap around the doorknob. With the turn of my wrist, the mechanism gives way. I close my eyes, bracing for the worst.

I gently open the door.

I take the most meaningful step in my life for what is not the first time. I come to a halt. Tears have already started to well up in my eyes. Somehow my breathing falters even more. My chest could explode at any moment. I almost wish it would.

I open my eyes.

She is hanging again.

Paralysis overwhelms me. The step I just took should be the last thing I experience in this godforsaken land. Everything will fade away briefly, but not before it feels like an eternity. I can't take my eyes off of her. She looks decayed. Does she decompose between my coerced visits? I can't take my eyes off of her. She isn't moving. Why would she? To someone in her position, time may as well have been frozen. She will never move again. I can't take my eyes off of her.

Nothing is fading.

I've suffered long enough. I can't even swallow. Saliva overflows in my mouth and dribbles down my chin. My face has become drenched in various forms of wetness. Hair sticks to my forehead.

I shouldn't be here.

An index finger twitches. It took all of my energy, but the action was successful. Free will is being restored to my body. Usually by now, I'm no longer present. I would stare her down, moving as much as she does. This does not happen. Instead, I am moving. I wish she would. It may be horrifying given what she did, but I would give anything to see a sign of life in those eyes. Sky blue has become a dull mockery of its former self. Making eye contact with a dead person will curse you with the same thousand-yard stare they possess. It's haunting.

I don't know if I'm in control anymore.

As if possessed, I lurch forward. My movements must seem uncanny even to the most dim-witted of individuals. I come to a sudden halt and sob hysterically into her body. The grossest sounds echo out into the spatial abyss. I'll dehydrate myself at this rate, but I can't help it. Death would be preferable to being here. If the Grim Reaper wants me, he can have me. If I never wind up in this position again, it will be too soon.

I...

The bullet ants of trauma swarm my brain. Their bites rend everything about me. My will. My cognizance. My hope. Perhaps I will devolve into a lesser creature, lobotomized by the change and granting me reprieve.

We...?

I have no more tears. I'm still sniveling. My gaze travels upwards. I stare into her eyes for far too long. How I long to see them happy again. Oh, if there were anything I could do, I would have done it with all the time in the world to spare. Anything to see the light in her eyes return. Anything at all. I would kill for her. I would die for her. I would erase all of existence for her.

We.

But I am powerless.

We will take it from here.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Another one makes its presence known on my back, gently rubbing it in comfort. Even as I am looking at the corpse of my lifelong partner, I somehow feel at ease. I must be insane. There's no way I can feel relief in this state.

"It's all right." Vaguely familiar, a voice enters my ears and creeps its way into my mind. I stop clinging to her and slowly turn. The hands recede from me as I do so. My eyes are treated to two very much alive people. As far as I can tell, there is a boy and a girl. Their faces look strikingly like mine, though ultimately different. I feel an immediate kinship with them. They could be me in another reality. We could even be the same people right now.

"We are here for you." The girl speaks, her voice ringing pleasant. I stare blankly. I want to accept this gracious sign of solidarity. Unfortunately, I find my motor skills lacking. My mind is numb. I can try to understand, but my body is bereft of all but the simplest of functions.

"Let's get her down." The boy's voice sounds so similar to my own, and to the girl's as well. I listlessly bear witness to their actions. My mind is filled with fog. Did something happen? I feel as though I've lost time. They are laying her body down on the bed. The boy lifts her some and sits. He softly rests her head in his lap and strokes her hair.

"That's better." The girl crawls. She maneuvers around the sorrowing sight on the bed, seating herself on the other side. Her lively hands take the dead one near her. One hand intertwines their fingers together, palm to palm. The other gently strokes the top of the hand.

I shuffle. I realize I've regained more control of myself. The shock of the situation has been lifted. They both stare at her. I'm not sure what expression I'm reading. Is it sorrow? Pity? Both? Maybe there is something more. They look at me before I can connect the dots.

"You love her." The boy makes his statement loud and clear. Anyone else would be asking me, but he knows me. I nod. Of course, I love her. She is the light that guides me. The throbbing brain plague dissipates. I smile wistfully.

"You know this isn't real." The girl's tone barely withholds this from being a question. A few instances of this scenario ago, I knew it wasn't real. This knowledge never made it any easier, because the emotions I felt were raw and unfiltered. I always suffered. Again, I nod. I stagger forward, unsure of if my body will give up on me. I seat myself and take the still hand in my grasp with all the care in the world. I feel as though she will simply disintegrate if I mishandle her.

"Are you worried about what she will think? After all, you've realized recently that she isn't the only one you grew feelings for." I go still when the boy speaks his words. I am mortified at the idea of how she will respond. How can I tell the girl I love that she isn't the only one I'm after?

Over the last while, I've felt an otherworldly sense of longing for the other girls in the literature club. It collided with me like that of a boxing champion's fist and hit me faster than light. There was no denying it: I was smitten. It wasn't a crush of looks. I didn't just find them attractive. I felt like I was destined to be with them. All of them. What a cruelty to have shoved upon you. There's no way that would work out.

"Aren't you going to say something to them?" My eyes latch onto the girl's. We briefly see through the windows into our souls and dance an intimate tango. I blink. The feeling is gone.

"What's the point?" I utter my first words. My voice is hoarse from the ugly crying I did. It seems like an eternity has passed since then. It seems like no time at all has passed since then. "It won't work. They wouldn't accept it." My eyes close. I have no shot of making that work. I don't know if I've accepted that or not, but I'm trying to.

"You don't know that." This time, they speak in unison. It's almost creepy. It's almost melodic. It's almost a lot of things. My eyes open. I look between the two of them.

"I guess I don't know for sure," I shrug. They have a point. "What I do know is that I'm afraid of rejection," I continue, pursing my lips as I give a brief pause. "I'm afraid of ruining the friendships I've built up. I'm not exactly the most sociable person."

"You still ought to try." The boy lowers his head. He cups her face in his hands. I notice her eyes and mouth are closed. When did that happen? I turn her hand over so that it is facing upwards. My thumb strokes her palm.

"It could be incredible." The girl gives the still hand a squeeze, eyes trained on me. Yes, it could be incredible. And if I fail, it could be an incredibly horrifying situation. I can't make this decision on my own. I know just the person to ask what to do.

My thumb goes still. I feel a weak grasp around it. My eyes widen. I look down, and her head is lifted. She's looking at me with a dazzling gleam in her eyes. They've returned to their usual heavenly glory. She's smiling at me. I finally reattach her name to her body in my mind.

"Sayori...?" The lingering pain fully subsides. The trauma I had endured feels like nothing but a distant memory. A wave of euphoria threatens to wash me away. This must be what heaven feels like.

"I know how much you love me. You told me you did, and you haven't stopped showing it." Sayori should sound like her larynx is crushed, but her voice is working just fine. She is beaming at me. The noose around her neck has been replaced with a halo around her head. Not really, but it may as well be. At least there is no sign of any rope, or damage to her neck for that matter. She has a way of soothing me unlike anyone else. She is the most darling angel to have ever existed.

Before I learned of Sayori's depression, I was a loser and a loner. Well, I still am. More importantly, I had grown complacent with life. I had always thought of myself as a guy with low standards who was fine with coasting through life with the bare minimum required, seeking entertainment to fill my time and staying away from others. I had no goals. I had no ambitions. My emotions had been suppressed for too long. I had become pessimistic and viewed most things in a negative light.

I was a fool for ever taking Sayori for granted. She reignited my appreciation for life. I realized how precious she was, how important she was to me, and I felt my mind open up. My shriveled heart grew three sizes that day. I had acted so harshly for no reason, especially to her. I refused to think critically about my actions. I didn't care who got hurt due to my negligence. That was now a thing of the past. In just a short amount of time, I've been able to feel things I haven't felt in so long. Unfortunately, that includes negative emotions, but you take what you can get.

Sayori is beaming at me. I smile back. Even if I were to die right now, I feel like I would be okay with that. I know that feeling won't last because I would be leaving her behind and that thought terrifies me, but she fills me with such warmth that she could make a disaster feel like a loving cuddle. I take her hand and raise it up, placing a kiss on the top of her hand. Her hand shares space inside both of mine. It's just her and I right now, and nothing else matters. I can't take my eyes off of her.

"Ahem..." Oh. Maybe it isn't just us after all. I had forgotten all about the other two. They cleared their throats, this time without being supernaturally synched together. I remain looking at Sayori. I can't take my eyes off of her.

"You know what you want to do."

"You should take the chance."

"Maybe the girls will feel the same way."

"If you can feel this way from out of nowhere, perhaps it has struck them as well."

"You want them to be happy too, right?" This time, Sayori speaks up. I can't take my eyes off of her. I kiss her dainty hand again. She frees it from my grasp and caresses my cheek. "I know you can make them as happy as you make me. You have something special. That's why I fell for you. I know you can change their lives for the better." Her thumb passes over my lips. I'm sure she did that on purpose. I give the smallest smooch to it, and somehow, she smiles even wider. "They may be just friends to me, but I want the best for them. They deserve better than what they have. I struggle with that sometimes, but you help me remember that. I want the same for them."

"I know you do," I reply. Removing Sayori's hand from my face, I adjust my position on the bed and lean forward on my knees. My face hovers over hers. I reach my hands up and caress her face this time, pinching her cheeks with all the strength of a mouse's paw. "I want that as well. I want to be part of something great." I falter. "Well, I already am part of something great, but who says things have to stop there?" I can't believe how at ease I am about thinking these things. It feels like such a foolish idea, pursuing all of the girls in the literature club. I won't be this casual later, that's for sure. I'm caught up in her precious face.

"Ehehe, then do it, dummy!" Sayori gently pushes my shoulder. Her giggle fills me with life. I slide my hands through her hair, cradling her head. My forehead makes contact with hers. Our eyes only have sight for each other's. Our noses are touching. We can't help but smile wider. It feels like my face shouldn't be able to handle it, but it does. I feel a calming hand on the back of my head. It must be the boy's.

"Yeah. Do it, dope!" The boy joins Sayori's silly antics. I let out a chuckle. It's crazy how this all started. I feel a reassuring hand on my back. I already know what's coming, but I don't know what name I will be called.

"What they said, clod!" The girl's gestures are no less comforting than the others'.

We are done here.

I lift my hands from Sayori's head, seeking the other two. They comply, already sensing my actions. The boy takes my left hand. The girl, my right. I glance up slightly, not taking my face too far away from Sayori's. I give a nod to the boy, then to the girl.

"I can't thank you enough," I speak with sincerity. Their smiles tell me more than any words could. My gaze travels back down to the precious gift below me. "And I'll see you in a bit."

"Will we have our first kiss soon?"

My heart flutters. I can feel my cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

"Will you be ready?"

"I think so."

"This weekend, then." We have plans for the weekend. It's going to be one of the best of our corresponding lives. Sayori pokes my cheeks. I can't smile any wider. She's so adorable.

"Spin me around when you see me. It'll be a fun way to start our day!" Sayori's words take their spot in my mind. I won't forget. She really likes that, after all. It's the small things that truly make life a better place for her, and I shall endeavor to do what I can just for her. I close my eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

I wake up.

Chapter 1 End

The beginning italicized portions of the chapter contain lines from DDLC's "poem-underscore-special3-dot-png" (the "nothingisreal?" special poem) in which there is text underneath the black bars.

Aimless Shenanigans · Apr 24, 2019

doki_doki__proof_of_loving_you__chapter_1__by_jason_alan-dcn4bnv.jpg

Emotionally-charged after saving his best friend, only a month goes by before he confesses to the club himself. New girlfriend Sayori seems to have her own agenda with this plan. A mistake in the making, a misguided attempt to make up for years of being a loner, or something more supernatural? He ought to not neglect his declining mental health...

Hello!

I'll try to keep this shortish because I can go on but thank you for your interest in my fic! This is a labor of love I've embarked on since this past September. I actually have up to Chapter 13 done and uploaded in other locations but I figured perhaps dropping that many chapters and that many words in a new place at one time is ill-advised. Plus, I've had some downtime and need to do some organization with small and medium things as well as put together a timeline of all major events for the sake of convenience. I'm thinking the fic will be split into 3 or 4 (probably 4 at this point) major parts, and the aforementioned Chapter 13 is the end of Part 1. Is it long? Perhaps. Is it worth it? I'd say it is, but I can't be the judge of that for anyone else.

With regards to the disclaimer, this fic will cover a variety of serious topics. I've got a host of friends of all kinds and frequently like to intertwine themes of evolving as a person and self-discovery into my work. I myself have some quirks and experiences of similar kinds under my belt, the most significant of which being that I've now been in the center of two polyamorous relationships. That was INITIALLY the running premise of this (note the title name). However, as my plot and the characters continued to play out, I came to realize that it was merely the base stepping stone, the foundation, on which I built my narrative. Couple this with the fact that I have a very non-traditional relationship with both of my current partners and I can assure you that every character will have a much different bond with another given character up to and including how their relationships play out. Variety is the spice of life, you know. Even as of last week, big things are still shifting around to the point where some endgame stuff has changed for what I'd say is the better. With that in mind, this will be a largely character-driven experience with plenty of fluff and bonding to be had among everyone. Please keep an open mind, and know that your emotions will be taken for a ride (I hope, but also am confident that I don't need to hope).

It may not be apparent at first since Sayori is my angel, but I am an All Dokis Best Doki person. I've cried over every Doki multiple times, including MC. There will be no shortage of good times. There will be no shortage of bad times. Exploring the reaches of a given character's personality and building them all up into more well-rounded, fleshed-out people has been my goal. Seeing how they all interact amidst one-another, be it with MC on their own, as a group, or even with the focus on some girls without MC or anyone else around, is a huge part of this.

Over the past actual year since I first played DDLC and started consuming fan content, I fell in love with these characters. After writing them over the past six months and developing them even further, I'm utterly proud of what I have. Maybe brainstorm isn't an accurate description of what I do. Really, I just let my brain wander when I'm not doing anything else. I have a very vivid imagination, and I'm sure plenty of people here know that it isn't unheard of for characters to take on a life of their own (hah) and for them to do something that seems natural for them or react in the way they would without me actively going, "Okay so this is what will happen." I take plenty of inspiration from everywhere and am no stranger to dropping references. Music, of which my selection might at times garner a bit of laughter, plays a heavy hand in inspiration as well. I'm 27 and have a bit of a taste for everything. Jack of all trades, you know.

Basically, I want to do these characters justice. I've also been able to come up with a less typical approach to them and some of their conflicts compared to some other fan content that I think will be appreciated. One of the things I decided early on is that every major character has their own significant arc, and they aren't necessarily tied with MC. After a few months, I had all their arcs down. I'll continue to find new ideas, but if I could finish the story now with all that I have it would still be like my greatest accomplishment.

I think that's it for general stuff. Do note that regardless of how I may present myself outside of in-character stuff (like posts like these or casual conversation), I'd like to think my quality of work is much higher on average when writing.

The long and short of it is that I have a little something for everyone, primarily when it comes to doing justice to every Doki so no one feels left out that their best girl doesn't have a good amount of focus. I don't think of this as a ship, romance, or love story. It has elements of those in sizable quantities but the plot isn't going to always focus on those things.

Responses

I will quote comments in spoiler tags and respond underneath them in another set of spoiler tags. This cuts down on post sizes for scrolling and organizes things a bit better. Up to Chapter 12 I would respond in the pre-chapter notes on other platforms but this will become impractical the further along I go and the more places I spread my fic to. Even if I don't respond, which means I might not have anything to respond to or with, I will be watching. I will always be watching. Obligatory Third Eye joke.

Looks interesting, but nothing is certain. I am curious how long are you planning to make this. I mean doki doki doesn't seem like something you can make a long work out of.

You'd be surprised. My brain is doing its darnedest. It helps that this now is serving as a prototype mishmash of ideas for the future. My creativity awakened and now I'm experimenting with things in order to possibly break out as a writer down the line. I'll have remarked on the length thing above and I assure you it has substance. When you have a character-driven story and you are invested in the characters, both reading and creating long bodies of work are worth it. Cheers for the kind words!

Aimless Shenanigans · May 1, 2019

Chapter 2: From The Heart

"Here I come! Spin me around!"

I haven't taken too many steps away from my home property when I hear Sayori's excited voice coming from the direction of her house. I am thankful that she isn't running full force. That would be an accident waiting to happen. Instead, her pace is a brisk jog. Her arms are outstretched, and she has a huge open smile on her face. As she closes in on me, I don't even hesitate to act. I lower my stance, wrapping my arms under hers and scooping her up into the air. I wasn't very strong, and we were similar heights and weights, but her speed was all I needed to carry her smoothly through a few spins. Momentum physics. Her giggles filled the air, and I can swear that any remaining stress from the first part of last night's dream melted away.

"Ehehe~ I love it when you do that!" As I let Sayori down, she staggered a few steps sideways. Her arms were still around my shoulders, preventing any slipping. She was the kind of girl to trip over her own feet, so it's a good day when that doesn't happen. She has been more and more attentive lately, so clumsiness doesn't happen as often. However, you can never count a klutz out entirely.

"I know you do. That's part of why I do it." As is normal after a spinning, we give each other a morning hug. Our heads rest against each other's shoulder, our near cheeks grazing whatever hair is closest. I smell peach on Sayori. Appropriate, considering what she is. "To be frank, I was planning on spinning you around anyway."

"Eh?" Sayori breaks the embrace and looks at me quizzically, her hands resting on my shoulders. "You're not Frank!" I stifle a chuckle. Perhaps I should just let her see my full reaction, but I'm so used to withholding my emotions that it comes naturally. Working on breaking that habit takes, well, work, not to mention mindfulness. "That's a pretty big coincidence though, don't you think?" Sayori's eyes wander to my shoulders. She flattens out my blazer in areas where wrinkles cropped up from our shenanigans. I feel the edge of my shirt collar being tugged into place.

"Well..." I pause and purse my lips. "Not really. We've been getting more and more on the same wavelength over the past while, and it's not too uncommon for things like this to come up." Having tended to my clothes, Sayori straightens out. I scan her for any misdeeds my own hands had inflicted upon her outfit. Her blazer was unbuttoned, as always. I've long since given up on fixing that. It was something that added to her goofy charm anyhow, an intentional part of who she was. What wasn't part of that was the uneven, disheveled bottom of the jacket from our little interaction.

"I guess?" While I tug her clothes back into position, she taps her chin in thought. It isn't too long of a moment. She did still have plenty of energy, after all. A small smile creeps onto her face. "Well whatever it is, I'm glad."

So am I, Sayori. So am I. I stop fiddling with her and bring my gaze back to meet hers. My own smile grows, causing hers to spread more. I take her hand in mine and we start our usual walk to school. It was truly amazing how much has changed recently, and I know both of us are glad we can make each other as happy as we do with such simple gestures. It was always the small things that seemed to entertain and bring such joy to Sayori. Being able to add to it has enriched my life. We really do take better care of each other than we do ourselves. Spending more time together has helped those good habits rub off on our own actions to and with ourselves, as opposed to those habits only sprouting up when we were around each other. It is certainly a nice feeling.

"So," Sayori pipes up, breaking the silence. She almost hesitates, but I bet I know what's coming. Just as I've been having those nightmares lately, she has had her own. They are pretty similar to mine, but from her point of view. It's no wonder we are both haunted by what almost happened. My train of thought is proven right as she continues, "I had one of those nightmares again."

"Ugh..." By now I've grown accustomed to hearing about her experiences with sleep. I throw a sorrowful expression her way. Curiously, she doesn't look as crestfallen as she usually does when she brings these up. I'm almost relieved, but I can't be sure as to whether she isn't as bothered anymore or if she's numbing to it. Assessing her is a difficult task even when she has tried to be more open and honest with me. After all, I am knee deep in unfamiliar territory.

"This one was different, though," was her follow-up. Part of me wants to respond that I had the same exception to the norm with my own nightmares last night, but I have not yet told her about any of them. I don't want her to worry about me. "At first there was only one of you, but two more of you joined the original you." Huh? "I also didn't feel as dead as I usually do. It was more like sleep paralysis."

I can't help but shudder at the thought of what feeling more or less dead would be like. Being dead at all in a dream can't be a fun experience, no matter what that would encompass. She hasn't had the words to describe it either. I can't tell if that's better or worse. At least I know what she means by sleep paralysis. It has been an exceptionally rare occurrence but knowing what it is like at all gives me some level of insight. Nonetheless, that is yet another unpleasant thing that I wish she didn't have to go through. Maybe it's not as bad in a dream as it is when waking up. I wrap up my thoughts and begin to return to her words about there being multiples of me in her dream. Before I can hop back on that train, she speaks up.

"It was still heartbreaking to have to see you get so worked up. You were so upset, and there wasn't anything I could do about it for a little while." Sayori stops in her tracks. I almost miss this cue, but her grip on my hand tightens slightly as I go to take one step too many. I take a position beside her and tug my hand out of hers. It and the rest of my near arm wrap around her upper back, and I pull her against me. She leans her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Sayori."

"It isn't your fault."

"No, but I'm still going to be apologetic about it." My sense of empathy kicks in. This poor girl has been through so much. I wish she didn't have to suffer. Hell, I wish no one had to suffer, but in a biased fashion I wish she of all people didn't have to. I would gladly take up the mantle of being mentally ill if it meant she could be as carefree as she wanted.

"It wasn't all bad." Sayori continues speaking, and we continue to remain in our positions, no longer walking. Thankfully, there aren't many people around. Unlike in the past, I couldn't care less about whether anyone saw us like this. My only concern would be if we were hogging the sidewalk. Common courtesy still goes a long way. "I slowly broke out of the paralysis and got to talk to you about something weird."

"Well, that's a refreshing change of pace," I mutter, hiding my thoughts about what this weird thing could have been. It couldn't possibly have been the same things my copies, Sayori, and I spoke about in my dream, could it? "What did we speak of?"

"The other you, and the other other you, mentioned something about taking a chance with the other girls." I'm glad that we were stopped and in the positions we were, because otherwise I would have skidded to a halt. That would have alerted her, and she would have known something was up.

"Oh?"

"And, well, I kind of pushed you to take that chance," Sayori adds.

My stomach does a backflip. How was this possible? I know we have resumed being exceptionally close and that our relationship has always been a peculiar one that evades typical friendship vibes, but this was on another level. Did we share some kind of psychic link? I never thought anything of it when she described her dreams as being similar to mine. They seemed similar in concept only. With every detail she adds on, it's like she can see directly into my mind.

"...Oh?" I winced. I sounded like an idiot just now. I had repeated the last thing I had just said. Whether it was over text or to someone's face, that just sounded stupid. I quickly add, "Uh, I mean, that's exceptionally selfless of you. Why would you say something like that, I wonder...?" I trail off purposely and give her a lead-in to what I suspect comes next. I've got a good idea of where this is going. I shared the experience, after all, or at least I think I shared the same experience. The same exact experience.

"Why not?" I can feel Sayori start to walk. Her arm is around my lower back now, and she helps nudge me forward. We are walking at maybe half of a normal human's speed, but it is still something. Her head seems awfully comfortable on my shoulder. I rest my head on top of hers. It isn't the most natural position, but it's still nice. "You saved me. I don't think you're going anywhere. Plus, the other girls are my friends. If I had the chance to tell you to make them as happy as you make me, I would jump at it."

"You mean you would take a flying leap at that opportunity, knock it to the ground, and keep it there until it gave you what you wanted, right?"

"Ehehe~ Maybe!" I was no stranger to Sayori's wily antics. That sort of action was right up her alley. "But yeah, that's what I said. What do you think?"

"Um." Well damn. I was afraid she would ask me that. I didn't want to deny anything she said. How can I avoid saying anything to the contrary while still making it clear that she, above all else, was my priority...? Oh, well there I go. "Just know that you, above all else, are my priority, Sayori." Brilliant. Absolutely genius. Way to go.

"..." I can hear Sayori take a deep breath. A bit of anxiety swoops in and takes hold of my heart. I don't know how much of these dream selves of ours are entirely us. I know I felt much more at ease and open during that whole thing. Perhaps she did, too? Perhaps she said what she did because she was delirious and thought there was no harm in it. "You have no idea how much I appreciate that." Oh, thank goodness. "I know I brought you into the club initially so that you could make more friends..." And in case you did something regrettable. I know that's what she's thinking. That's the reason for the moment of silence. "...but after all that we've been through, I adore the fact that you still think so highly of me. Don't put me on a pedestal though! I'm just the silly girl next door."

"Well, that you may be, but I can't help but put you on a pedestal at least a little bit," I smile. My cheek nuzzles against her hair. She lets a brief giggle slip out. "I adore you, and you improve my life so much." I make sure to give her my daily dose of available compliments. If nothing else, I want to make sure she feels loved. I suppose I should say something to her about the validity of what came up during her dream, but that's a conversation for after school. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but I have to trust that her words are genuine. I've been keeping those feelings pent up for some time now, but if she is privy to the situation through no fault of our own then it needs to be addressed as quickly as possible. I'm also not looking forward to coming to the club with those feelings, but I must take things one step at a time. I won't do a thing without Sayori's support, and I will get over my emotions. For her, I can accomplish anything.

"Thanks."

"You are so welcome."

Sayori's head raises up from my shoulder. I follow suit, as mine is nudged off hers during her movements anyway. Her hand is retrieved from around my back. She beckons my hand from around her and places her dainty one inside mine. I feel warm. That's exactly where her hand belongs. That is its rightful place. I notice out of the corner of my vision that she is looking at me. Making sure we aren't about to come across any potential tripping hazards on the sidewalk, I turn my attention to her. Her eyes practically sparkle at me.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Truly, there is no better start to the school day than this.

"Wassup, bitches?!

I nearly choke on my own spit. The door to the club room had slid open, practically shoved aside, and Natsuki burst in with an unusual greeting. She had become infinitely more comfortable in the club lately and was not afraid to show it. She marched with a purpose past some of the desks and took a seat. She was about midway between Yuri and I, even though we were all seated in different rows and columns.

"Goodness, Natsuki. How uncouth. What if someone in a position of power overheard you?" It seems that Yuri did not share my entertained response. I can't tell if she is looking down on Natsuki or if she was legitimately concerned that the smaller girl would get in trouble. It took her a few seconds after she stopped speaking to look up from her novel. How she managed to split her attention between reading and speaking was beyond me. Sometimes I can hardly walk and chew gum at the same time without some Sayori-level catastrophe occurring. Of course, there was always the obvious possibility that she simply stopped actually reading in order to speak, but I preferred to think she could do both at the same time. She had a hidden level of aptitude.

"Mandatory school hours are over. What're they gonna do?" Natsuki responds, a fiery hint to her tone. She doesn't seem to take Yuri's words to heart. It's always a mystery with these two, I swear. They are friends, but their differences in attitude still lead to some spats here and there.

"Both real life events and fiction have taught me that nothing is certain. Anyone who holds power over another can do what they want, when they want. Getting in trouble over something so trivial would put a damper on everyone's mood, especially yours." Yuri places the book flat on her desk and clasps her hands together in front of her chest. She grimaces and blinks a few times, her gaze wandering to nowhere in particular. "Um, I'm just trying to look after your well-being. I didn't mean to come off as condescending."

"Thanks, 'cuz you almost did!" Natsuki, please don't instigate things. I know Yuri does not always think before she speaks in your direction, but just accept her kindness. "I'll let it slide though. Don't get too cocky about that; only friends get free passes!"

"Uh, I'll take that as... a compliment and a victory, then," responds Yuri. I'm still not sure what to make of her tone or her expression, but Natsuki quickly moves past it. If Natsuki is content, then I have no reason to worry. The shorter girl leans back in her seat and performs what I can only describe as the big stretch. You know how cats will sprawl out and their limbs seem to extend far beyond what they look like they could. That's Natsuki right now.

"So, what's our little Princess so happy about?"

"Excuse me?" That ought to be my line, but it falls out of Natsuki's mouth. She turns to look at me and resumes a normal pose, shooting me a smarmy look. "Princess had leftover steak for lunch. My dad doesn't make it often but hoo boy do I turn into a monster when that sizzling red meat hits my plate!" She pats her stomach in an exaggerated fashion. "I just couldn't eat it all in one sitting. Microwaving it seems like a mistake for such a high-tier food, but I wasn't gonna eat it at room temperature. At least we have microwaves in the cafeteria."

"I'm glad to hear he's treating you better," I speak up.

"Suffice to say, I am in agreement," Yuri adds.

"...That makes three of us, then." A little huff comes from Natsuki before she speaks those words. By now, the club had become something of a tight-knit group, so each of us was privy to the personal lives of the others. It didn't extend fully in those directions, but some things became quite obvious. Certain topics were still hard to tackle, but that's to be expected. There is no doubt in my mind that we are all still keeping secrets from each other. When you haven't known someone for all that long, that's to be expected.

"Oh, just don't let Sayori hear you say stuff like what you said when you entered. She will get on your case." I bring the conversation back to Natsuki's greeting. Sayori, being the pure soul that she is, liked to bug people about cursing. I don't think it's entirely serious. She just worries about people using it in a mean manner. Her concern doesn't stop anyone. Ignoring her is not done out of malice, but we do like to tease her. We all tease each other on some minimal level. It helps build bonds and camaraderie. If you can't joke about your friends or yourself with your friends, then what are you doing? And most importantly, Sayori knows this is all in good fun as well. We have made sure several times over.

"I'm not concerned, you butthead."

"Heh." Butthead. What a critical burn. I stand up from my seat and waltz up behind hers, leaning forward and peering down at her. She looks up and scoffs.

"Can I help you?"

"That's Sir Butthead to you."

"Pfft." Natsuki scowls and reaches up to my face. Before I can react, she's got her fingers at my earlobes and is tugging at them. I wince a little. "You call me Princess without realizing that royalty doesn't have to address those lesser than them in that way. You clearly didn't think this through." Natsuki makes sure to throw extra emphasis on certain words just to add some substance to the tone she's taking with me.

"Ow. Princess, if you- ow. If you would be so kind as to- ow- as to release me...? I would be ever so gratef- OW!" Natsuki didn't like to let up. In an odd twist, I've grown rather fond of her methods of being a pain. The way I see it, she wouldn't engage in these sorts of behaviors with someone she didn't like. The abrasive types will just avoid or loudly voice their displeasure if you cross them. They don't have time to waste energy on people they don't care about unless they're ready to unload on them.

"Hmm... Nope!" I try to pull away, but that was a mistake. My ears just get tugged more. I let out a yelp and instead draw myself closer to her, minimizing the pain. My chin is practically resting on her forehead. "Don't even think about touching me! I'll just tug harder." By now, I can see that Yuri is watching what is happening. I motion to Natsuki with my hands, but Yuri just responds with a look of helplessness. Not a moment later, her attention is drawn elsewhere, and I struggle to follow her gaze. Well, I'm unable to at all since she is looking completely past us, but I sure try. Natsuki and I are facing the rear of the room, but Yuri is looking towards the front.

"Is everything okay in here?" A concerned, mature voice meets my ears. It is unmistakably Monika's. Though she has been more casual and less overly professional with the club, she still takes it upon herself to make sure things are going well. She is definitely the mom friend of the group.

"Perfect!" Natsuki exclaims, not letting go of my ears.

"Princess locked me in the torture chamber and is- ow! She's teaching me a lesson."

"A lesson? Like how to be a meanie?" It seems Sayori and Monika came in simultaneously. I feel Natsuki let up on the ear pulling, but her fingers are still on them.

"No, she's not teaching me how to be that. I don't need lessons on that anyhow. I'm trying to keep away from being a butthead, remember?" I give a thumbs up even though I can't see the other girls.

"Yet you still pester me with that Princess stuff."

"It's fun! And all in good fun. Besides, don't you want to be a princess? You could have your own servants, get pampered, and... uh... do all kinds of royal things." I quickly run out of examples.

"Yeah, yeah..." Finally, Natsuki releases my ears. I take a step back and rub them tenderly. Well, she could easily do worse. She rises to her feet, sticks her tongue out at me, and heads towards the closet. I stick my tongue out at her in return, but she's already looked away. This time, Yuri is entertained, giving me a small nod and a shy smile. I return the gesture and shove my hands into my pockets, whirling around to face Sayori and Monika.

"So, hello, ladies. Come here often?" I've been channeling Sayori's goofy side a lot more recently and am well acquainted with the art of hiding my feelings behind mock-flirtatious behavior. Sayori giggles. Monika just puts her hands on her hips.

"I'd say you've become hopeless, but that would mean there was hope to begin with." Oof. Natsuki isn't the only one who can dish out some shade.

"Aw, come on, Mon-Mon. Don't be like that!"

"Oh, my gosh!" Monika's hands quickly cover her face. "You and that nickname. I'm going to ask Sayori for the favor of punishing you."

"Aw, come on, Mon-Mon. Don't be like that!" I can't hide my stupid grin. Sayori once again giggles. It fills me with great joy that she does that so often.

"UGH! Boys." Monika dramatically tosses her head up in a snooty fashion. Her ponytail goes flying, nearly smacking Sayori in the face. Our glorious leader walks with purpose to the teacher's desk to tend to what I assume is club-related paperwork. Her demeanor would suggest she is fed up with us, but I catch her lips curled up as she takes her steps.

Being able to pal around with Monika like everyone else has been just another high point to being in this club, and the fact that she enjoys the random goings-on of the club just made it all the better. She still puts on a serious facade when she's around us, but we all know it is something ingrained into her, something she feels an obligation to uphold when the club is in session.

I see Sayori smile softly in Monika's direction. I just roll my eyes with amusement, especially knowing that Monika wasn't truly bothered. Even if I hadn't seen hints of her smile, I would have known Monika took nothing negative by my teasing. It's extra fun to mess with Monika due to her status. I still get nervous and kind of starstruck around her, but I'm chipping away at it. I'm distracted from my thoughts by an approaching face. Sayori saunters up to me and places her forehead against mine. Our noses are touching. We just smile and gaze into each other's eyes.

"I must say, you two are simply precious together," Yuri pipes up from behind me, wasting no time in throwing a compliment our way. She must have had her attention on the goings-on of the room since her eyes had been drawn away. "I... mu-must admit I'm a little jealous. To be able to share that kind of bond with someone seems magical."

"Ehehe~" Sayori giggles. She and I break our intense focus on each other to turn towards Yuri. Well, I turn. Sayori is already facing where Yuri is seated. "We just got lucky. Don't worry, you'll have this sort of bond with someone sooner than you think!" Sayori, I cannot tell for the life of me if you are referring to what we talked about earlier. I nonetheless agree.

"What she said." I nonetheless agree in the simplest fashion I can, a stark contrast to how Yuri speaks and presents herself.

"Still a man of few words, I see," Yuri speaks, nodding in my direction. My brain wasn't always working at optimum performance, and no one made any bones about pointing that out. Hell, I actively poked fun at myself for it as well. "Thank you for your kindness, both of you. I'm not sure what you see in me to make you think that..." Yuri's gaze once again travels elsewhere. Her lips are pursed, and it almost looks like she is bearing a pout. She must be picking up that expression of emotion from Sayori and Natsuki.

"You're so smart though! And you're out of the ordinary. You just need to meet someone who can appreciate such a passionate girl like yourself!" Sayori's compliments cause a small smile to form on Yuri's face. She remains looking away, probably embarrassed.

"Not to mention you're a stone-cold stunner." A moment of genius strikes me. I should chastise myself for being too bold, but Yuri's expression of surprise is entertaining enough for me to not reconsider my action. Besides, I'm being genuine.

"Wha-what? Oh dear, y-you can't just s-say something like that!" Yuri looks down at her book to hide her eyes from ours. I can tell her cheeks are getting redder. One hand fiddles with a portion of the hair that comes down past the side of her face, contained within one of the two hair clips situated symmetrically on her head. She typically messed with the bunch of hair on her left, leaving the other be.

"I'll show you a stone-cold stunner..." Natsuki mutters from near the closet. She had taken a seat at a desk in the corner and was reading a manga from her collection. I'm positive she spoke just loud enough for us to hear.

"What was that, Princess?"

"Nothing!"

"Oh Natsuki..." Why must you lie so blatantly? "Don't worry, I've got compliments for all of you. Monika may be the club president, but you're the legit boss around here. You demand respect and aren't to be underestimated." Natsuki lets out a low growl and moves her face closer to her manga.

"Why don't you say something about my appearance, idiot?" It seems she wasn't satisfied. I can't say she will be with my next response.

"You're utterly adorable and deserve to be loved."

"D-d-d-don't call me that!" There's no way Natsuki could possibly see anything inside her manga. It's close enough to her face that her eyelashes would be brushing against the page.

"It's truuue~" Sayori chimes in with her own opinion, helping my case out. Natsuki simply grumbles and seems to accept it. Good. Sayori nudges my shoulder, grabbing my attention, and thumbs back towards Monika. "What about her?"

"Well that's easy. Monika is the most electrifying girl in all the school!"

"Oh, stop it, you!" Monika looks up from the papers she is tending to. She waves off the compliment, but she can't hide the grateful expression on her face. Rather, she doesn't attempt to hide it. "If you keep flirting with all of us, mister, you may hurt Sayori's feelings."

"Nope!" Sayori is as direct and blunt about this as she could be. She beams in Monika's direction. The club president simply shrugs.

"So be it. I still say a boy shouldn't flirt with someone he doesn't have feelings for, but that's just me." Funny you should say that, Monika. "I was raised with some level of old-fashioned ideals." I'm not sure I like the sound of that. Old-fashioned means she might have some unsavory thoughts about my emotions regarding all the girls in the club, especially since all of them know, as indicated by Monika, that Sayori and I are an item as of late.

"Who said I was flirting, anyhow?" I try my best to cover my tracks. It's not uncommon for me to accidentally make a situation out of something innocuous. I think being the only boy in the club has led to the girls enjoying teasing me. At least, I think they're teasing me. "I'm just being friendly. It's not like I'm commenting on anyone's boobs."

"Uuu!" Yuri could be heard letting out a soft, indescribable noise behind me. Natsuki lets out a heavy snicker. I even see Monika cover her mouth with one of her hands.

"Ehehe..." Sayori lets out a nervous laugh and does that thing where she presses her index fingers together. It's simply adorable. "Will you ever let me live that down?"

"It's too good to not bring up once in a while," I respond, giving a good-natured ruffling of her hair. I'm always careful to avoid messing up her bow. She squeals a little in response. She is absolutely precious.

"Meanie!" Once I let up, she gives me a pout and looks away, folding her arms over her chest. I simply smile back at her, waiting for her to return her gaze towards me. Sure enough, her eyes flick back in my direction. She quickly looks away again, but my smile is too infectious. Usually it's the other way around, but her lips slowly curl up. "I can let you off the hook, but only if you give me a compliment next!"

"Of course," I affirm to my angel. I gently cup her face in my hands and stare deeply into her eyes. "You are the most beautiful soul I've ever had the privilege to meet. You're the best in the world at what you do, you never give up, and you're a great hugger!"

"..." I can tell that Sayori is embarrassed. She reaches up to touch her hands against mine. I respond by stroking her cheeks with the tips of my thumbs. Her smile broadens exponentially, and I can practically feel the warmth exuding off of her. "You're a saint, you know that?"

"I try."

"Okay, everyone! It's time to share our last poems!" Monika's voice rings out from the front of the classroom. Boy does time ever fly. Yes, today was an important day in the club. 31 days of sharing poems was a long time. Technically it was less than that since we only shared them on weekdays but claiming it to be 31 days is a pretty decent number to stop on, we decided.

I'm ecstatic. I had written a poem last night, and now I all but scrapped it. Well, scrapped it in terms of showing it to the club. It's still at home, but I don't need it. I realized that my dream, and then Sayori this morning, had given me a huge surge of inspiration. When I found some downtime throughout my classes, I wrote what I could and thankfully got through it all with time to spare. I'm still very nervous about the whole situation regarding my feelings, but I figured out how I could help make it apparent here through my poem. Maybe that will make things easier going forward, a little foreshadowing if you will. Using a literary device in the Literature Club. What a coy move. I mean, I guess technically we all are using some literary device or another, but I want to feel proud.

By this point in time, the club has long since abandoned the notion of giving critiques unless specifically prompted. We simply look to enjoy each other's writing. It helps keep these poems enjoyable and instigates conversation.

First thing's first: I go directly to Sayori. She ought to see it first before the others. I pay no mind to what they are up to. As Sayori is retrieving her poem from her bag, I practically thrust mine into her face. It gives her a momentary startle.

"Wah! Geez, you sure are excited!"

"Uh-huh!"

My poem is kind of long, but it's for a very good reason. Sayori takes it in her hands with enthusiasm. I have to wait patiently for this to be read, and I'm not doing too good of a job. I shuffle. I look around. I fiddle with my blazer. I don't want Sayori to get distracted while she's reading, but I can't help but draw myself to her eyes. They are comforting even when they aren't on me. They ease my nerves. I can see her scanning the page, taking it all in. She blinks in surprise, her eyebrows raising.

"You made this last night?"

"Uh, I actually put aside the one I did last night and made this one throughout the day."

"Dude..." That's all she says before continuing to read. Damnit, I was hoping she was done. Thankfully, it isn't too much time until the end. Sayori passes my poem back to me and still has that wide-eyed stare on her face. "How have you gotten so good at this? It's freaking amazing!"

"Well..." I give a bit of a shrug. "I just kind of... spoke from the heart. Since this is our last poem, I figure I need to go out with a bang, and this beats the heck out of what I wrote last night."

"I might just cry."

I raise one hand up to her face, stroking her cheek with my thumb. Her face is rosy and soft. She keeps her head still, but her eyes look off to the side.

"You know where to come if you ever need to have a good cry." I pat my own shoulder with my free hand, and I need not say anything more. She gives a nod. "Whether happy or sad, I wish to dry your tears."

"I'd love for you to be by my side like that."

"Any time, Sayori."

"I see what you did in your poem. It's pretty obvious, you know?"

"Yeah, that was my intention."

"I guess I influenced you, huh?"

"Well... Um..."

"Ehehe~ You're so silly."

"Hey, that's my line!"

"I'm stealing it for a little while! It's the best word for this."

"I suppose you can have it. For now."

"Good."

"Was my dream that accurate?"

"It... it... You have no idea. I'll explain more later, after we're home. I just hope you trust me."

"I do."

"Thank you."

We smile at each other. She takes the hand of mine at her face and cups it in both of hers, stroking her thumbs over the top of it. With a nod and a smile, she releases it and retrieves her poem. Her excitement returns, and she presents it to me in both of her outstretched hands. I take it and begin reading.

Jupiter

Did you know that Jupiter is an awesome planet?
It's got a ton of moons orbiting it
It's made of gas
And there's always this huge storm tearing across its surface
Always changing a huge portion of it
Who knew that something like this could exist?

I feel a little like Jupiter sometimes
It stands out
A storm rages across it, affecting who knows what
And it is surrounded by a lot of moons that will be there for it
For a long time to come

Even Jupiter itself is an amazing name
It almost doesn't look like a word
But it sure sounds like the name of a gallant warrior
Making their way across a battlefield to contend with their enemies

What I like most about Jupiter though
Is that of all its moons
It has four huge ones
They remind me of the people I'm close to
They make me feel important
They make me feel like my existence is vital to theirs
And I like feeling important
It gives me purpose
It helps keep me going
It makes me feel like I give them something they could never find elsewhere

So, Jupiter is pretty great, isn't it?
So what if it suffers from a constant, giant storm?
It has been around forever
And it will not be beaten by anything

"Okay, now I'm going to be the one doing some crying."

"Ehehe~"

I hand the poem back to her. She places it on the near desk, beside her bag, and raises her hands as though she is showing off her face. "So, what's your favorite planet?" I'm taking my word back. What a silly girl.

"Jupiter, without question," came my response. She bounces happily for a moment. I've never thought about having a favorite planet before, but I sure have one now. I'm not surprised that Sayori can sway my opinion on something. She is very persuasive. She has a special charisma that is unique to her.

"C'mere!" With just enough of a warning, Sayori gives me a big hug. My arms are pinned to my sides, so I can't really return it. I fumble with my hands. They manage to just barely make it to her hips, and by the time I've accomplished that she begins to let go. "Just so you know, I figured out that the moon you are is Io!"

"Huh?" Sayori's level of intelligence surprised me sometimes. She could come up with the strangest things to talk about and store some pretty broad topics in her brain. She has approximate knowledge of many things, a jack-of-all-trade. A jill-of-all-trades. "I don't know anything about Jupiter's moons. How come that one?"

"Well! It's the closest moon to Jupiter," Sayori responds, her smile turning into a huge grin, "and it's the densest out of those four!"

"...? Urk, hey! I'm a changed man!" My words fall on deaf ears. Sayori's teasing can be off the charts sometimes. What a cunning girl. She scampers away with her poem to exchange it with someone else. I'm left holding my head in one hand, but I can't get this stupid smirk off my face.

Natsuki is next. I approach her gingerly in case she still harbored some kind of thoughts from earlier. Thankfully that seems to not be the case. She had time to unwind. I relax my stance and offer her my poem. She gives me a huge, confident grin that displays her one fang.

"Oh look, it's my royal subordinate! I hope you've done a good job today!" She takes my poem in one hand and places the other on her hip. I can feel her staring a hole through me.

"Likewise, my dear Princess," I respond, performing a partial-kneeling gesture. Might as well play the part. "It's an important day, after all. We ought to be doing our best."

"And don't you ever forget it! Now then, let's s- What the hell, this is long!"

"Hahahaha! Yeah, it sure is. Trust me, there's a section in there you'll love. It's worth it."

"I dunno if I should trust you on that or not. I'll just have to see for myself! Hmph!" She turns her head defiantly for a moment but straightens out as she begins reading. I'm less apprehensive this time around. Sayori's positive response brought my confidence up. Nonetheless, I'm still worried about Natsuki's reaction a tiny smidge. She can be the most critical at times, and the way she is furrowing her brow at the poem makes me think my concerns are valid. She lets out a low hum of thought, gazing lower at the page. She must have passed the segment that pertained to her. I can tell not just because of where she's looking, but because she started breathing heavily. She obviously has some kind of thoughts on what I said. Almost unceremoniously, she offers the poem back to me, which I accept.

"'S good."

I blinked in surprise.

"Um, I'm glad you liked it! I put a lot of serious thought and emotion into it, and..." It's painfully obvious by now that she is bothered by something. She isn't looking anywhere close to me, and she's now folded her arms across her chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Natsuki..."

"I said nothing." Well, there goes any chance I had of finding out what was on her mind. I adore Natsuki, but she can be such a pain sometimes. This is precisely the kind of reason I want to get closer to her and why I wrote what I did. She needs someone she can trust implicitly, and I don't see her having that sort of bond with anyone else. I let out a sigh that may have come out more powerfully than I intended, as I see her flinch in response. She looks down at the ground, still agitated.

"Can I see your poem?" I ask. She nods her head in the direction of the desk she has been at. The poem is laying on top of it, so I take it upon myself to have a look.

Special

We are told that we are special, but is that really true?
'Cuz as far as I'm concerned, I don't even have a clue
I'm small and unassuming, but never get me wrong
I am a frantic melody; my attitude's my song
People talk about and pick on me; they point and then they tease
It makes me want to punch them so they'll bend over and wheeze

I guess instead of doing that, I just avoid their faces
I'll stay away from them so I avoid their cruel chases
I won't give them satisfaction; I'll find my own safe spaces
And make some friends with whoever I will be in good graces

I did just that and now I'm here
I like you all so much
I'm glad I chose to join this club
To feel your warmth and touch
It may be metaphorical
Or whatever it's called
This time I have a clue
I'm incredibly enthralled

To feel special

We didn't all agree to write something emotional when I wasn't paying attention, right? I'm getting the impression that that's precisely what happened. I set the poem back down on the desk and eye Natsuki.

"It must have taken a lot of pride-swallowing for you to write all that. I'm impressed, and I'm proud of you." She doesn't even look at me. "I'm sorry that I upset you. I just thought that-"

"You really mean all that?" I find myself interrupted by Natsuki. I want to say it's typical, but the fact that she mustered the strength to get anything out at all was still good to see.

"Of course! You did such a good job on your poem that-"

"No!" Natsuki's leer and exclamation catch me off-guard. She looks around to see if she drew attention to herself, but it seemed not. "Not my poem, dummy! I mean what you said in yours."

"Oh. Every word."

Natsuki's expression softens. I can see her biting her upper lip nervously, and her heavy breathing has made a return. Her arms haven't unfolded from over her chest. To add another layer to this, she's bouncing one of her legs. I wish I knew how to tackle this. Thankfully, or maybe not thankfully, she sneers in my direction, possessing an overly confident expression.

"Good! I'm glad I captured your attention so well. I always knew there was something I liked about you!" She only let her hands down in order to bring one up and give me a good-natured slap on the shoulder. At least, I thought it was good-natured. It was awfully hard. Don't underestimate small people, especially small girls. They will mess you up. "You must pay a lot of attention to me. I guess you really do mean all that Princess stuff!"

"Hah, yeah, I do." Something isn't quite adding up. I'm used to Natsuki trying to cover up her true feelings with her cocky attitude, so I'm sure she's hiding something. However, I've never been able to tell whether this sort of facade was something she genuinely had fun with. I hope it is, because I've never sought to counter it and make her open up when she didn't want to, fearing making her mood worse. I didn't describe her the way I did for no reason.

"If you're so serious about me being your Princess, maybe you should display your utter servitude by kissing my foot!"

"Wh-whaaa?" My face must have contorted into some kind of weird mockery of what a human looked like, because Natsuki burst out into laughter within a good few seconds.

"Baahaahaahaa! Oh God, your face. Heeheeheehee!" She doubled over a bit and made a motion as though she was wiping a tear from her eye. "Aah, that was great. I'm just kidding. You know I gotta poke fun at you for being all sappy and stuff, right?" I didn't put it past Natsuki to make such a request seriously as a different avenue of her attitude, but at least she was genuinely amused by my actions. That kind of laughter can't be faked. I give a nervous chuckle in response and fold my arms over my own chest this time, leaning to one side.

"Hah, hah hah, yeah. I admit it, you really got me, Natsuki," I let out. "Pranked me really hard. You ought to make this a national holiday. I think that's the best thing you've ever pulled."

"Good! I can feel proud of myself. It's been a while since I've seen you so flustered." A sly grin crosses her face. She raises one foot up and plants it on the seat of the desk chair we're standing by. She had kicked her shoe off. My eyes were drawn to the cute cat faces adorning the top of her sock. Considering school uniforms, I suppose it makes sense that her socks, along with her hair, were the only things she could use to display some sort of individuality and personality. "Don't feel shy about actually doing what I told you, though! Hahaha!" I simply shake my head and run one hand through my hair.

"I think servants are the only ones who are expected to do that. I'm more like the head of the royal guard, defending my Princess from harm."

"Geez, what a nerd! Did you just come up with that on the fly?" A single eyebrow rose on Natsuki's face. I'm not entirely sure how to answer. Rather, I'm not sure if she would see me as more of a nerd for having that line prepared or if I was smart enough to improvise on a moment's notice.

"I, er... On the fly," I surmise.

"What would the others be, then?" I didn't expect Natsuki to take an interest in this. Something about it must have amused her, but I'm totally on board with humoring her. I give a glance back to the other girls and shove my hands in my pockets.

"Hmm... Monika is clearly Queen. Yuri would be something like, ah, a royal advisor, like a fortune teller or a mystic. Something like that." I pause and purse my lips when I think about Sayori. "Um..." I lower my voice as well as my head. "C-court jester?" A brief spout of laughter escapes Natsuki. "Don-don't tell her I said that! Wait, just w- I've got a better idea. She would be like the kingdom's diplomat. She's got good people skills after all and wants what's best for as many parties as possible. The royal family would treat her right. She would be doing a huge service to all involved."

"I guess I could see that. Good! Good work, Royal Commander!" Natsuki reaches out and pats me on the head. I would almost feel insulted except for the fact that I like it when people mess with my hair. It feels nice. Granted, it isn't much in this case, but I'm glad she feels comfortable enough to show even a backhanded method of physical affection. Platonic physical affection. "So!" It seems she isn't done. "Who of them would be most likely to kiss the feet of royalty?"

"Buh?! You sure are hung up on this."

"Just answer the question, dummy! I'm curious! You got me thinking about this medieval stuff so it's your fault anyhow."

I give a defeated shrug of my shoulders. Okay, yes, I was the person who brought this whole concept up. I just didn't come up with what she was on about. I bring one hand up to the side of my head, rubbing my thumb against my ear. Monika as Queen obviously wouldn't. Members of the Royal Guard command more respect than most due to their high-ranking positions and their duties. So that leaves Sayori and Yuri. I did just talk up Sayori being treated well by the Royal Family due to being responsible for internal and foreign matters. So, I guess that leaves...

"Yuri?"

"Yasss!"

"Pfffhfhfhf!" I only manage to partially stifle my laughter. "Was that the outcome you were hoping for?"

"Hell yeah!" Natsuki stands triumphantly. "She might be my friend, but God does she still take things too seriously! She could stand to be humbled, knocked down a peg or two."

"For the record, the question revolved around the most likely person of us. I'm no fantasy or medieval expert, but I am pretty sure only lower servants would be doing that sort of thing anyway."

"Don't ruin this for me, dummy!" She folds her arms over her chest again and gives me one of those looks. "Let me have my moment. Oh! And forget I ever gave you the order in the first place. I don't want your cooties on me or my cute socks." What was this, elementary school? She blew a raspberry at me. I lean my face back instinctively.

"That makes two of us, Princess," I retort, returning the raspberry. She makes a mock-disappointed face and blows an even harder raspberry. Well, at least I think it was only mock-disappointment. Of course, I'm utterly lying. At the very least, I would love to kiss Natsuki on the forehead. Even just a little sign of affection would probably go a long way for her. Unfortunately, most examples of physical endearment are as double-edged as she is. Physical contact is a yes, but it winds up with someone in mild pain, and that's pretty much always me. It's really not bad beyond in the moment. I guess I'm just soft. I wouldn't have the nerve to kiss her anyhow, and she might kick my ass for it. I'd have to work up to something like that. I'm still at home base with her and there's probably 3 stadiums' worth of bases to go through, each further away than the last.

"Good." Natsuki removes her foot from the desk chair and shoves it back into her shoe. "So, I guess we should change up partners now." She snags her poem and takes a step in the direction of the others. Just a single step. Her sudden stop makes me wonder if she will bring up what she had neglected to tell me earlier. I just know there's something she isn't telling me. I won't force the issue. Thankfully, she glances back to me. It was a wordless expression she harbored on her face, but it seemed to be some form of gratitude. She narrowed her eyes and glanced down at the ground. I offer a somber smile for her to view when she looks up, which takes but a moment. She gives an affirming nod and starts back off to the other girls. All in all, she seemed to enjoy it. It was an entertaining experience, and I hope I struck an emotional chord with her. I'm almost positive I did.

"Hey, Yuri."

"Hello there."

"Are you ready for this to be it?" Unlike with Sayori and Natsuki, I slid the nearest desk some and actually took a seat beside her. She followed my example. As small as it was, this was our thing when we shared poems.

"I would say so. Sharing my writing has been nothing short of enriching, but it does get hard to write consistently over the course of a week. Inspiration can be found in the unlikeliest of places. Those places don't always turn up when you need them to, however..." Yuri fidgets with her poem in hand, tracing a single finger up and down the face of the page. "A break from them will be worthwhile. Now that we've gotten so used to writing down our creativity, we could easily write more poems in our spare time and simply bring one in if we resume down the line."

"I echo all of what you just said," I reply, wagging an index finger in her direction. "I'm surprised I managed to eke out material on some of these nights. And the latter portion of that is a great idea. Good thinking!"

"Tha-thank you." Yuri still struggled with praise here and there, as evident by earlier events. She set her paper down in front of her and slowly reached out. "Shall I read your poem?"

"By all means!" I hand it over with a spot of eagerness to my actions. "And take your time. I know it's long." I am 105% sure there will be no weird occurrences like with Natsuki. Yuri is not so adept at forming her thoughts into words, but she has gotten better. Plus, she doesn't hide behind a persona she projects. She tries to filter herself, but that isn't nearly the same thing. It didn't take long for Yuri's expression to shift to one of focus, the same kind of intense stare that she displayed when sinking into her literature. She sure was reading at a quickened pace compared to the others so far. It was only natural; she spent a lot more time reading compared to the rest of us. She had to have the fastest eyes in the north, south, east, and west.

"...Oh!" A quiet, sudden exclamation slips past Yuri's closed lips. If I were to hazard a guess, she got to her section of the poem. The sudden deceleration of her reading speed as well as brushing her thumb across the page, as though trying to feel the words, only helped my case. She did a suspicious amount of blinking, which I think meant that her thoughts were swirling together. Her brain was chugging along. Good.

"..." After a bit more time, she placed the poem down in front of me. Her arms were folded down horizontally across her desk, hands fiddling with her shirt sleeves. Her eyes didn't leave my poem. "That was... truly marvelous." Her words are quiet. Perhaps I hit the emotions that I was aiming to? "Taking a page from each of our personal styles and applying each of them to one section was a bold move. I think it worked out rather well."

"Thank you so much, Yuri!" I give a pleasant smile to her, but she doesn't seem to notice. She is still looking down at my poem.

"It really feels like we've known each other forever by this point, even though it's been no time at all." She still can't look away from my poem. She must be using that as a focus point, perhaps to keep herself grounded. The way I understand it, remaining focused on one thing can help keep your thoughts from bouncing around. "It is flattering to know someone that holds all of us in such high regard. It seems like you view us all as equals, too, which is a pleasant outcome."

"Yeah, well..." I'm not sure if I have a proper response for that. "That's what I would like to think, even though Sayori and I have grown closer."

"..." Yuri finally breaks her gaze from my poem. Our eyes meet. "You genuinely care about all of us here, don't you?"

"Well, yeah!" Again, with repeating recently-used words. At least this instance used a different word order and tone. "It's been too long since something as good as being here has happened to me. Some things I could have done without..." We both know what I am referring to. "...but we have all come out for the better compared to if the Literature Club didn't exist, right?"

"Mmm." A low grunt of affirmation came from Yuri, and she nodded slowly. "I, um... I can't properly express how glad I am to know... all of you. You in particular are such a caring individual. It was always clear from day one that you keep your friends close to your heart. After all, that was your main motivation for coming to the club in the first place."

"Well-" I stop myself. I'm about to say nearly the same thing again. "I mean, you're right. I gave in to Sayori's request. She's such a conniving little scamp, but I'm glad she is." I shake my head and smile. "And then making friends with all of you was motivation enough for me sticking around. All of you are great in your own different ways."

"You're too kind." She clasps her hands together on the desk, hiding her poem from view. "You've been an immense asset to the club as well. Helping bridge the gaps between Natsuki and I is something irreplaceable."

"Well-" Goddamnit. "Hey now, Sayori is the undisputed master of helping people get along."

"Be that as it may, her strength is quelling arguments and making everyone feel good about themselves both on an individual level as well as on equal footing as others." She glances off in a direction, and I assume it's towards Sayori's position. "Don't get me wrong, that is an amazing quality and a sure part of her charm, but you have actively helped bring us closer outside of times of conflict." Her gaze returns to me. It is exceptionally comforting and soft. "Natsuki and I still have our differences, but I'm not surprised. We come from radically different walks of life. The important thing is that we get along much better than we used to."

"I'm glad I could contribute so much." Because of her timid nature, one wouldn't think that Yuri could speak in earnest so much on a given topic. Even I find it hard to remember. However, when something is important to her and she feels passionate about it, she can talk for quite some time. She comes off as even more insightful than normal. "Sayori has influenced me a lot. Making the lives of those I care about better is something that has become so important to me. It used to basically just be Sayori, but after we reconnected, I realized how much companionship meant to me. It wasn't something I really had growing up. With Sayori, it was quality way, way over quantity, but I wouldn't trade what I had with her then, and what I have with her and all of you now, for the world."

"You're such a good person. You know what's important to you and that's admirable, even more so because it involves the happiness of others." Yuri's smile grew, and I couldn't help but feel fuzzy inside. She was clearly the sort of person who had a lot of love to give, even if she didn't know how to or get the chance to often. I know the bonds she's made are extremely important to her due to her experiences with isolation.

"It shows. It definitely shows," Yuri responds. "So, um, would you like to read my poem now?"

"I'd be delighted!" One of her hands is already fiddling with part of her hair. I guess I'm not surprised. I'm sure she poured a lot into her poem for this last day, so she is anxious about receiving a positive response. She hands me her poem with her free hand and I begin reading.

A Universe At Peace

Across the abyssal plane known as outer space, I have drifted along
I am a mere whisper in the nonexistent wind, a simple witness to the world
An insignificant speck in the grand scheme of things
Traveling at an unknown speed, in an unknown direction

For far too much time had I been on this journey
The sights I have seen, I cannot put into detail
Stars, planets, entire galaxies have come and gone from my view
I have seen an eon's worth of astronomical sights, both literal and metaphorical

Every now and then, I feared encountering a black hole
I feared the potential threat of something that defies all reason
I feared crossing the event horizon, having my very soul warped into something otherworldly
At the same time, sometimes I felt as though that's where I was fated to wind up
My dreamscape would have become an eldritch horror of an existence
And my epic escapade would have come to a sudden conclusion

But now, the more time I spend contemplating what it means to be
I find myself regretting having ever let those thoughts intrude upon my mind
For I am no longer wandering aimlessly, without purpose
I passed by a celestial entity that is unlike any other
It both captivated and captured me
And I was pulled into its orbit, becoming what ought to be a permanent fixture

This was a creation born of sheer happenstance when the universe was birthed
It spoke to me in ways that nothing else ever had
It made me feel like I had purpose; it made me feel significant
Truly this was a blessing, heaven-sent for someone like me, God's last gift, a mercy
Eventually, the travel into the unknown would have worn on me
My brain would have constantly filled up with sights no less amazing than the last
However, exposure to an endless stream of miracles will numb you to their incredulousness
Even bearing witness to the beginnings and ends of things billions of years old becomes stale
And you yearn for something familiar to save you from the ironic monotony of adventure

Long have I been a part of this universe without truly feeling like I was meant to be here
I was trapped on a never-ending expedition, in some ways a fate worse than death
Unbeholden to anything significant, simply here for the sake of being here
With no purpose, with no autonomy, with no reason, with nothing
Some philosophers of old would envy my position, and they would say of my suffering
But that's what it takes to be infinite
I don't want to be infinite
I want to heal, I want to feel
What I thought was never real; like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along: somewhere I belong

Somewhere that is better than every astonishing sight I've ever come across
Somewhere that makes everything okay
Somewhere that makes it all worth it
Somewhere that feels like home
Somewhere that feels like this

I have named my new home Lazarus
I'm no longer a mere whisper, a simple witness, an insignificant speck
I have my own identity by association
I've been able to claim what had long since been an unreachable wish
A goal I had no chance of accomplishing on my own

Finally I am content
I can be left to process everything about everything
And cross paths with others like me
They may be different, but they are now my significant others
I am no longer just I; I am part of a we, and we are in this together
Possibly forever
And I will treasure
All of this pleasure
Every moment of my newfound happiness

"Fucking hell, this is incredible!"

I can't help but let my first impression tumble out of me. I hope Sayori didn't hear me. It seems like she didn't, otherwise I would have heard the loudest gasp I could ever fathom. I look up from the poem and see Yuri's eyes narrowed at me. Despite this, her mouth has formed a distinct smile.

"Your instant and vulgar honesty is very reassuring," she admits. Her expression relaxes and is more dominated by a growing, open grin. It is refreshing to see her bear such an expression; it isn't often she is shown with that much happiness. "I was afraid it would be too long, too wordy."

"Wordiness is kind of your thing. Besides, when else would it be more appropriate to go all-out?"

"True."

"Not to mention the fact that your wordiness is sewn together with such precision that it always invokes usage of your imagination. I know you're also a fan of using metaphorical meanings that can sometimes really make you think, but part of this is pretty apparent. If I didn't know better, I'd say that was on purpose."

"There was no hiding that." Her grin has reduced back into a smile, but her expression is no less warm. I nodded, knowing that the others have done similar with their own poems. I'm no longer surprised, but the fact that everyone is being so open about their emotions is very sweet. Monika will surely have something like that.

"Sayori did something space-related too."

"Ah, yes. I saw that already. She and I had been discussing it recently, so I suppose it gave her inspiration." Yuri clasped her hands together in front of her chest. "I'm flattered that our conversation struck her just right for a poem to be made about it, especially on such a significant day about significant feelings..." Yuri's voice fades as she approaches what I assume was the end of her sentence. She blinks. Her expression turns neutral, and she diverts her gaze out the windows of the classroom.

"Space is... Space is such a fascinating thing. There's so much out there. There's no end to what one can find. I had asked Sayori if she knew much beyond the basics and she admitted she was lacking in that department. I was all too eager to share a little..." Yuri pauses and turns back to face me. She folds her hands together in front of her. "...um, a large tidbit of knowledge with her. Out there, anything beyond Earth is mysterious and endless. There are so many things to talk about. She made me so happy by listening. She even asked questions, and I hadn't expected that. Our conversation ended with her making absolutely certain I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that our time spent together was time well spent."

I smile, not necessarily in her direction. That sure sounds like Sayori. Yuri's assessment of our resident angel was spot-on, and this recalled moment was a perfect example. Yuri was the hardest to get out of her comfort zone, but Sayori endeavored to change that. Listening to Yuri speak at length about her interests was probably the most effective method of improving her social skills and confidence. Sayori was an excellent listener. She may be something of a ditz here and there, but she seemed to know the best ways to help others improve as people. She is as intelligent as she is sweet.

"Sayori is probably the most open and genuine person here when it comes to spending time with others. We are all lucky to have her in our lives. I doubt that is something we will ever forget or take for granted." Going along with my words, Yuri gives a definitive nod. She knows what's up just as much as I do. "I'm glad you got to share some of your passion with her."

"I greatly appreciate that." Yuri closed her eyes and drew a deep breath through her nose. Her lips parted slightly. She exhaled slowly, deliberately. This past conversation must have been exhausting, no matter how great a time it was. She and I were the two most introverted people here, but it was obvious that she still expended huge amounts of energy when she interacted with even her close friends. Her need to take the time to breathe and recover from it was nothing surprising to me, especially as the topic came to a close. A few deep breaths later, she opened her kind eyes and locked them onto mine. "I suppose we ought to finish sharing poems with the others now."

"Indeed we should, Yuri. Indeed, we should. Thank you for the wonderful conversation, my fair maiden." Her gaze had met mine just seconds ago, but she has already broken away from it and snatched up a clipped portion of her hair again, this time with both hands.

"You-you're going to make t- to make me blush!"

"Is that a such a bad thing?"

"...Nnnnn... Nnnnn... I supp-suppose not..." I see the faint traces of a smile and I savor my victory. Embarrassment didn't always have to come in a negative form. Close friends are the best people to allow yourself to be flustered in front of, and Yuri's admission that it wasn't a negative was the perfect example of that. I stand from my desk and swipe my poem up into one hand.

"It's been nice talking with you, Yuri." Now standing, I reach out and give her two light pats on the shoulder closest to me. I now have my last task set ahead of me, and my eagerness has not let up. I can't help but feel a little anxiety well up inside me again, especially after Monika's earlier comments about being old-fashioned. That isn't even considering the fact that she's still the most intimidating person in the room by sheer virtue of her star student status. I steel my nerves and prepare to head over to her. As I take my first step, I hear Yuri's voice faintly from behind me.

"Y-you t-t-too."

I give a thumbs up as I walk away.

"Monika! Moni! Mon-Mon! Mondo girl!"

Monika's smile turns sour with every syllable out of my mouth. By the end, she's cradling her face in both hands and letting out the loudest, most exaggerated grumble I've ever heard.

"I'm going to die. Like, seriously." She stares up at me with the least amused expression she could probably muster. "Mondo girl is a new one, at least. You're still a complete tool." I simply respond by throwing up a peace sign with my free hand.

"Love you too, Prez!" She's still seated at the teacher's desk. I set my poem down and place my hands on the desk, leaning forward. "You sound so excited. I'm glad I can bring such joy to your life!"

"A brick to the face is less agonizing than your teasing. Do you do this to all the girls when I'm not paying attention?"

"Duh! We're all friends here. Plus, I see you the least out of all of them, so I have to squeeze more into the little time I spend with you."

"You really know how to make a lady feel special."

"Thanks I could help, bro!" I shatter the English language with five words arranged in an incredibly stupid fashion, ignoring the rolling of her eyes. Next to Natsuki, Monika is the person who feigns the most protest against my ever-growing ridiculousness. She has admitted in the past that she is plenty entertained, but she never hesitated to remark on how dumb I can sound sometimes. I revel in it. "So, what's with the paperwork?"

"Oh, just trying to keep things set up for the Literature Club." The shenanigans are put behind us, and Monika resumes her usual demeanor. "The more time goes on, the more the student council isn't so convinced that this club is doing enough of a service for the school's students at large." She shakes her head, truly annoyed now as opposed to feigning it earlier. "I swear they're more like bureaucrats-in-the-making. We had a successful festival outing, but no one has joined. In the nearly three months since the Literature Club had been created with the minimum number of members, we've had just you join."

"What's the big problem?" I frown, sharing her irritation. "We don't ask for supplies. We don't divert resources or money from the budget to keep ourselves going. All we do is take up one room for an hour after school, and it's not like the electricity we use is even a tiny fraction of what the school uses on a daily basis." My eyes narrow, and Monika sighs.

"To be honest, I think they are just trying to get back at me." I cock my head to the side. "Ever since I left the Debate Club and diverted my attention to a hobby instead of something that benefits the school in a grander way, it's seemed as though they were none too happy. They want me to be involved in more pressing matters and help keep the school's reputation high and mighty, and I guess they think that I will grow tired of defending my case for the club. They will either force me to close it myself or they will do it for me. I guess they believe that I will return to something they would rather have me doing if the club is done and over with."

"Would you?"

"I'm not sure," Monika shrugs, propping one arm on the desk and resting her head in it. "It's not like I'm a stranger to those sorts of activities. I'm just not sure I want to return. It's a hassle. That's why I left in the first place, but the council's passive-aggression has been grating on me."

"It sounds like you're really stressed about this whole thing." I cross one leg over the other, leaning against the desk to keep upright. "Why don't you just give in and close the Literature Club? I'm-"

"What?! No!" Monika's near-outburst throws me for a loop, but I remain on my feet. "I... um, sorry." Her eyes glance behind me, no doubt to the other girls. "I can't do that to them. I mean, I'm sure you and Sayori would be fine since you have each other, but Yuri and Natsuki..." A melancholic expression washes over her face. "This club has helped them find peace in their lives. It's an outer heaven, a refuge from their home and social lives as well as their problems."

"What about you?"

"Well... my parents would want me to be doing something extracurricular anyway. I love them dearly, but I've set the bar super high for myself. It isn't just my peers that expect more of me; my parents are the same way." Monika breathes in deep and lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm not thrilled. I've said in the past that I'm not great with people, and that goes double for my parents. I'm not too keen on disappointing them, but at the same time I'm not keen on continuing to allow pressure on myself. Sayori isn't the only person who has been put on medication lately. At my last doctor's appointment, I asked about medications and I managed to get a prescription for as-needed anti-anxiety tablets."

"Geez, you must be under a lot of duress over all this stuff." I return to a typical standing position and lean down, looking into her emerald eyes. "You really ought to take more care of yourself. The rest of the school can deal with whatever decision you come to. You are still admired and respected by those not involved in extra stuff. Won't your parents at least understand?" Monika stares back into my eyes. Her lips form a thin line.

"Thanks for the concern, but I'm used to being in this position."

"That doesn't mean you deserve to deal with this."

"I suppose you're right, but..." She shakes her head again, still bearing the same expression. "They don't know about the meds, and I'm too nervous to bring it or my situation up to them."

"You were on the Debate Team though! You know how to swing arguments into your favor, utilizing them for personal gain. Your charisma and skills can't be denied."

"You don't understand," Monika says perhaps a little too firmly. I don't know if it's at me or at her issues. She is starting to show some discomfort. "With my parents, I become too emotionally invested in the topics. Like, I don't feel like I can talk to them as well as literally anyone else. I know I ought to do something but whenever the opportunity would present itself, I fail to act." She props her other arm up on the desk and rests her face in her hands. "To be quite honest with you, I'm tired. I'm a mess."

I may not have known Monika for very long, but she isn't the type to show vulnerability. This is the first I've seen her like this. She always seemed like such a chipper go-getter whenever I saw her, even from a distance, when we crossed paths last year. It seemed like she prided herself on her exceptional abilities, but it's clear that she has hidden this side of her for too long. No wonder her and Sayori grew close; they share that trait with one-another, even if it's about different topics. They want to please everyone else while suffering in silence to themselves when no one else is around. It's unfair. I reach out and put a hand on Monika's shoulder, rubbing it.

"Hey, it's gonna be alright. I know this is a difficult position you're in. The girls and I will back you up in whatever if need be. We don't want to see you suffer for our sakes. We will come up with some other way to keep everyone's spirits up and remain active as a friend group. It can't be that hard, right?"

I had recently discovered that Sayori and I lived roughly in the center of a triangle that the rest of the girls lived in. Neither of our parents are ever home due to doing business with each other on the other side of the country, so it's not like we don't have somewhere we can go to spend time together. At this point, the club has become more of a hang-out for our close-knit group of friends rather than a club to benefit the school and its students. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that Monika would rather have her way if she could. She is the perfectionist type, after all, and it seems like she's competitive to a fault about certain things. She will persist in trying to keep the club active, especially if we can get more members. No one showing interest is not helping the overall issue, though. I feel Monika's hand wrap around my wrist.

"I really appreciate that. Seriously. I just don't want to break their hearts. I know for a fact that none of them react to change very well. Even a change involving all of us that would be for the better would still take some getting used to. I'd rather not add to their stress levels if I can help it..." Her nostrils flare and she exhales sharply through them. "We will just have to see what happens going forward. I still don't even have an activity planned to replace poem-sharing."

"Well..." I shrug, patting her shoulder. "Why don't we just talk about stuff during club time? It's not like we have any shortage of topics to talk about between all the poems we've written about, the contents of anything we've read in our spare time, and things that are important to us from our lives in general. Plus, it means that you don't have to dedicate more of your free time to club activities. It's small, but it's still something. I don't think anyone else would mind anyhow. It'll help us bond even more." I can see the silent contemplation in Monika's eyes. A small smile begins to make itself known.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea. I'll keep it in consideration for next week. We all have grown closer together. Even if we don't do much as a group, just the fact that we're spending time close to each other in the same room gives us something to feel good about. You're a doll!" Monika takes my outstretched hand in hers, kisses two fingers on her other hand, and presses them on top of mine. I sputter out a noise of surprise and take it back. My cheeks will undoubtedly start to light up, and she gives a giggle.

"Wha-what wa-was that f-f-for?" I stammer out my question inelegantly. She just feeds me the type of wide grin I was prone to giving her when I messed around.

"I have to pay you back for teasing me all the time! Plus, you look cute when you're flustered! Looks like Sayori was right, ahaha~"

I instinctively pout and press all of my fingers together, palms spaced apart. I'm picking up more of Sayori's habits by the day. They do say that those who spend more time together tend to pick up on each other's behaviors and speech patterns.

"Weren't you just saying earlier that I'd make Sayori feel bad by flirting with the other girls? What do you think you just did?"

"Ah, ah, ah!" Monika lifts a hand in front of her and wags a finger in my direction. "I was the one who took action as opposed to you doing it to one of us. Besides, you of all people should know that Sayori enjoys platonic shows of affection. How many times have you seen her hug Natsuki from behind, huh? She's even kissed her on the back of the head before!"

My blush remains pronounced, but I raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Really! Does that surprise you?"

"Not at all. I just hadn't seen it before. I guess it makes sense. Sayori has never refrained from making it known how cute she thinks Natsuki is. Think she has a bit of a girl crush going on?"

"Probably. All I know is that they are tiny and adorable."

"Hey, Sayori and I are the same height."

"Ahaha, that makes you tiny, too!"

Monika is being an utter butt. She wasn't that much taller than Sayori and I, and Yuri had her beat. "Oh, but not adorable?"

"I never said that~"

The nerve of this girl. I grumble a little, but my head bounces as I register the compliment. "Thanks, I guess." I sound like Natsuki.

"You sound like Natsuki."

"Urk! Hey, stop reading my thoughts!" I defend myself, putting my arms up in front of my head. Monika just giggles in amusement.

"Never. In fact..."

I hear the sound of paper being moved. By the time I lower my arms, she has taken my poem in hand and is reading it. I get what she was leading into; poems are kind of like an extension of our thoughts after all. Well, I suppose that's as good a segue into this last poem-sharing session as any. I can see her go through a myriad of expressions, and I even hear her whisper small syllables to herself. Is she cooing? It is a mystery. I rub my cheeks in a futile effort to make my blushing go away quicker. All it does is make me feel the warmth. I pout again.

I give a glance back to the other girls, who are preoccupied sharing a conversation that I am too out of earshot to listen to. Well I suppose I shouldn't eavesdrop anyhow. It seems like they are finished sharing poems. I guess it helps that I had a pretty long conversation with everyone except Sayori, who I spend more time talking with outside of the club. That sort of thing tends to happen when you are an item and live next to each other. Our interactions in the club are much more limited. We never settled on such a thing, but I guess we both want to pal around with the girls since we don't see them outside of school all that often. We need to change that.

By the time my train of thought ends, Monika has finished my poem and placed it back on my side of the desk. She is leaning back in her chair, one long leg crossed over the other and her hands clasped together in her lap. My constant sedentary state means I'm not very flexible, so I can only ever get my ankle up to my lower calf on top of my knee. In her instance, one of her knees is almost on top of the other. I'd tear a ligament if I tried to do that.

"I see what you're doing, you know. Are you sure you're not trying to flirt with everyone?" Her eyes are narrowed at me, but a coquettish smirk has taken up residence across her face. I throw my hands up to defend myself.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" I am utterly terrible at keeping suspicions off of me. I try to keep my thoughts in order, but I can't seem to form even a fraction of a sentence.

"You can't hide it from me. I'm President of the Literature Club!"

"What does that have to do with this?"

"Ahaha! Well, it means that I'm omniscient. I also have an eidetic memory, so I can remember every minute interaction you've had with us. You are a completely open book to me." Monika leans forward in an almost sultry way. She props her elbows on the table and intertwines her fingers loosely together. Her chin rests on the tops of her hands, and her expression reeks of seduction. I can't comprehend what's going on.

"I... wait... what? Really?" I squint. Not spending as much time with Monika as the rest of the girls, she can be a complete mystery to me. I don't know what she's playing at. I know she can't possibly be omniscient, but the comment about her memory is not something I can verify or deny. Luckily, her answer comes quickly and is in the form of laughter.

"Pfft, haaahahahaa! Of course not! I'm just screwing with you!" I guess this is what it's like to be on the receiving end of some quality teasing. She did say she wanted to get me back. It's unusual for Monika to use that sort of terminology, which also threw me for a loop.

"Damn dude..." I rub the back of my neck nervously. "You had me worried for a moment there."

"About what?" Monika remains in her pose, watching me intently with her eyes. "It's not like I had a dream about you telling me you fell for my superior personality."

I can feel the color drain from my face. It was almost a coincidence when Sayori told me about her dream last night, but now Monika is saying she had one regarding my emotions? I can no longer formulate words. Is she being serious? I momentarily become lost in my thoughts. Just what the hell is going on? I'm snapped out of my stupor by her shaking my shoulders. She is once again overcome with laughter.

"Haahaahaahaaa! You're too gullible! I JUST got done teasing you, and now you're staring at me in disbelief? You fell for it again!" Once she is done shaking me back into an attentive state, she mocks me by throwing up a peace sign with both hands. It occurs to me that she's standing. "I'm not about to intrude on the relationship you and Sayori have going. I just can't resist teasing you. You're not like a lot of the other boys in this school. I can't joke around with them because they'll take things too seriously and think I'm leading them on. On the other hand, you're soft, emotional, and genuine. You won't take it that way, and you can tease with the best of them. You should expect that sort of thing in return, but the fact that you don't just makes it easier and more entertaining!" She has an earnest expression on her face. Her hands have moved down to her hips. My face flushes.

"Thanks, Monika. You're a real treat, you know that?"

"Ahaha~ Love you too! Sound familiar?" What a pain in the neck. I better get used to this. My eyes follow her as she moves around the desk, sidling up next to me. Well, it was less a sidle and more like she hip-checked me. I yelp slightly and am forced a few steps away. "It's your turn to read my poem! Go on, sit! Get comfortable."

"Al-alright..." Truthfully, I could get used to this side of Monika. The less seriously she takes things, the more she is letting down that professional façade. The more at ease she is, the closer we can all grow with her. Pretty much all these girls have a mask they put on. Maybe Yuri is the only one who doesn't, but I'm not entirely sure. I scoot around the desk and take a seat in the teacher's chair. As I'm moving to pick her poem up, a thought occurs to me. I look back up at her. "Uh, did you have any other thoughts about my poem?"

"Oh!" Monika balls up one hand into a fist and smacks it into the palm of her other. "Sorry! I got carried away." She takes the same stance I had earlier, hands planted on the desk and leaning inwards. She clears her throat and begins speaking. "Having seen all the other poems, I'm surprised that we all wound up writing something based around our experiences here. I'm really flattered that we could form what we all have, and to the point where we all wordlessly took up the same topic, no less! You are an absolute darling and a good person at heart. It should be no secret that, like, everyone here is glad Sayori got you to come and stick around. You've treated us better than ninety percent of the school, and for that we are grateful."

A smile fills both my face and my heart. These are definitely not words that aim to poke fun of me. Monika is being real with me, and I'm grateful that she has nothing but kind words to speak. I am still in disbelief that she would pay any sort of attention to a loser loner like me, but it just goes to show that she is better with people than she thinks. She treats people like fellow humans no matter who they are, probably because she knows what it's like to be looked upon as though she were more than that and to be stripped of her humanity to the majority of the crowd.

"Thanks, Monika. Those are rich words coming from you. Rich... words..." The stupidest grin spreads across my face. "They were absolute... Mon-ey."

"You...!" Monika tries to look at me like I have three faces as penance for my goofiness, but her own face belies her attempt. To compensate, a hand comes up to cover her face. It doesn't hide her amused smile. "Don't think I won't sic Sayori on you!"

"Dude, she teases me plenty anyhow. I don't think she can get any worse."

"Never say never! I am very influential, and she is helpless to her sweet tooth. Watch your back, mister!" She thumbs her nose in my general direction. I throw my hands up in defeat.

"Okay, you got me. No promises though! Even if it's at my expense, I'm just glad you're having fun," I admit. "Hell, maybe I'll tease you even more just to see if you're bluffing or not. I've got plenty of material!" I don't, but I can come up with something. Monika lets out what I can only call a guffaw.

"Natsuki is right. You are a butthead. Now come on, we need to wrap up soon. Read my poem and be dazzled!"

"Oops, sure thing!" Goodness only knows how much time has passed. The clock is on the wall behind me. In my position, I wouldn't be able to see its face. I don't bother trying, opting to pick Monika's poem up and begin reading.

Real

Real isn't how you are made
It's a thing that happens to you
Once you are real you can't be ugly
Except to people who don't understand

Real makes you feel
Real makes you knowledgeable
Real lets you trust
Real lets you be vulnerable
Real helps you understand
Real helps you become one with
Yourself

I am surrounded by those who aren't real
I am surrounded by those who give false kindness
I am surrounded by those who have ulterior motives

Who want something particular
Who want something I can provide to them
Who want something that is way out of their league

I've never considered myself as above everyone else because of my accomplishments
But some people take themselves way too seriously
And they prove to me that they are selfish, egotistical, undeserving of my attention
I don't want to turn people away
But t h e y force my hand

T h e y want things I am unwilling to give to them
T h e y go about everything all wrong
T h e y don't show decency or respect
T h e y want me as a status symbol
T h e y cannot understand why I don't want to associate with them
T h e y blame and trash my identity for turning them down
T h e y can't take responsibility

Nobody's They're Let
Real Willing You
But To Know

When you don't care about what's real, it's all right, alright

But here, H E R E, I feel real

Feeling Knowledge Trust And I
Understanding Vulnerability Can provide
Identity Kindness Oneself For you

I am absolutely where I belong
I have no regrets whatsoever
I don't just feel real
I am real

"You know..." Once I look up from Monika's poem, she starts talking. "The stress of everything may have caused me some issues, but, like, who cares? I've made something real here, and I share that with all of you. That's something no one inside or outside this school can take from me."

"Well said, Monika," I nod, placing her poem back down. "There's a reason you are looked upon so highly, and we know it far better than anyone else. We have inside knowledge."

"Ahaha~ You're too kind!" Monika clasps her hands together behind her back and gives a bow. "Now then, won't you be a dear and wait here for some time? I wish to discuss something with the girls."

"Hm?" My eyebrows raise. "What about?"

"Your poem!"

"Oh." I'm not sure how to feel about that. I'm curious for sure, but it seems I will be left out of the loop. Oh well, such is life. Right now, if I were to be part of that conversation I'm sure Monika would tease me mercilessly. Then Natsuki would get in on it, and Sayori would follow. Maybe they could even get Yuri going. I think I would collapse from embarrassment if that were to happen. All these cute girls I've grown fond of making me all flustered... The very thought makes my heart, and my stomach, flutter. "Well, don't let me keep you. I'll wait here."

"Good boy!" Monika leans forward and pats me on the head. I give her a curious look, but she simply trots off to be with the girls. Well, I've got some time, so I may as well read my own poem back. I'm exceptionally proud of it, and I didn't read it after I was done. I figured it was perfect just the way it was. I can only hope I set the dominoes into place correctly for next week.

My World

An angel disguised as a mortal
A spitfire with an icy heart
A maiden as eloquent as she is passionate
An inspirational star to all those near
And a man with no ambition

We'd grown so distant, I fell from your grace
I was so self-absorbed, I'd forgotten what it meant to have a special friend
One who I would take care of, one who would take care of me
One who would do anything for you
One who would be the sunshine outside your window, waiting for you to come out and enjoy the day
One who would exchange bottles of happy thoughts with you so you never ran low
So you could enjoy them on your own time
I became that person once again
So that I could make sure you knew I loved you
Because you are an important part of my world

You aren't afraid to be yourself, that much is true
But there's two sides to every coin; which one are you?
Are you the hardened victim, constantly teetering beside a ledge?
Will you push others so far away, they trip and fall over the edge?
Are you the lonely girl seeking validation, secretly hoping for love and care?
Will you learn to let your guard down and shed your powerful, piercing stare?
Or are you both, the facade and the core, struggling with a raging battle?
Please come to me if you need help; I'll keep your secrets, I won't tattle
You ought to open up, let yourself become unfurled
Because you are an important part of my world

Strange beginnings make for odd stories
Legends that will be passed down throughout time
Ours is no different, just another victim of happenstance
Who could have predicted such an event?
Certainly not either of us; we would have just carried on
Nothing out of the ordinary to be seen or heard
Spirits tied to flesh and blood vehicles, piloted by unique minds
We could have easily drifted off into our own personal universes
But it was not to be
We resonated with each other; our colors, sounds, and methodical dances into the horizon
We crossed untold distances to share more than a simple cup of tea
And I would cross it all over again no matter the hardships
Because you are an important part of my world

How can I explain how amazing you are?
Ambition drive talent
These are part of, but don't make, you
Your abilities far supersede what it means to simply be
Yet you remain only human
I was intimidated; how could I possibly bond with this girl?
But for all your accomplishments
You are
Humble, gracious, friendly
Caring, modest, earnest
You are no less a person because of what you can do
More ought to strive for your level of prowess
But I am not interest in them
I am interested in you
Because you made me feel accepted
Because you brought me up to your level
Because you always know how to help
Because you give and deserve respect always
Because you are an important part of my world

Who knows where I would be if not for this club
I can't fathom it, and I don't want to
Without it, I wouldn't have grown as a person
I was stagnant, simple, uncaring
I can't bear to think about what life would be like otherwise
And to think all it took was a lifelong friend
Some cupcakes and colorful manga
Some tea and a good novel
An irresistible smile and an inviting hand
I will never again miss out on what could have been
Because you are an important part of my world

And I never
Want to lose
Any of it
Ever

Chapter 2 End

As I am uploading this in many places, certain site's methods of formatting may have ruined some of my intended ways to present Monika's poem as well as her section of MC's poem. They were intended to have deliberate spacing between certain letters, words, and phrases, including entire paragraphs of Monika's poem. Monika's section of MC's poem is especially poignant as the special formatting, more so than the content, was intended to denote that it was deliberately done in Monika's style. If one of those bits looks weird, you know why.

There are lines in the beginning of Monika's poem (the first paragraph chunk) quoted from The Velveteen Rabbit.

Song lyrics are present in this chapter. In order:

Infinite - Sonic Forces OST (Yuri's poem)
Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park (Yuri's poem)
Nobody's Real - Powerman 5000 (Monika's poem)

Aimless Shenanigans · May 6, 2019

Chapter 3: Unfathomable Sweetness

A Dream

I stir. Where was I? Oh, right. I must be in the club room. I fell asleep? Damn, how long were the girls talking for? Or, more importantly, how tired must I have been? My slumber these past moons has been restless, and full of nightmares. I suppose it is no wonder I passed out suddenly. I lift my head from its comfortable position within my arms.

I was staying over at my friend's place. There were four of us.

"Girls?" It takes me a few moments to gather my bearings. I realize that I am no longer at the teacher's desk. Instead, I am seated towards the back of the classroom. I am startled and shake myself awake, looking around. My confusion was plastered all over my face. Now more alert, I can make out sounds.

I drifted off to sleep while everyone was talking and watching TV.

"-dea what's going on." That's Sayori's voice coming from my right. The girls are seated in a square just behind and beside me, discussing something. It seems that no one has noticed me. "He and I are going to talk tonight. I don't think it's anything bad. In fact, it could be really good for all of us! I'm trying to keep an open mind about what it could be, so I would appreciate it if you all could do the same. I know you speak highly of him, and he speaks just as highly of you. He's just too nervous to say it in front of you."

In my dream, I was still at my friend's house.

"Um!" I hesitate, getting out of my desk. "I'm terribly sorry, ladies! I have no idea how I got here. I had put my head down, and the next… thing I… knew…?" I'm standing in clear sight of at least two of them and speaking at a reasonable volume, but no one acknowledges me. I'm thrown even more off-kilter.

The only difference was that there were nails sticking out of the walls everywhere.

"I'm not sure I like this. I mean, the only thing it could really be is just coming out and saying he likes all of us a lot, right? He did that with his poem! What more could there be?!" Natsuki seems like she doesn't want to have this conversation. Maybe I shouldn't be part of it. After all, I was asked to hang back. Even if I'm not sure what happened or how I got here, I ought to stay away since I'm aware now. "I get that he's a doofus, but it's not like much could change in a short amount of time. 'Oh hey, I love y'all,' would be… I dunno, it just wouldn't feel genuine to me. Sure, he's been friends with us for a month, but that's it! Does he want to spend the rest of his life with us? That's unrealistic to say to us after such a short amount of time! Hell, that doesn't even happen with people you've known for a decade! Plus, he has you, Sayori…" I turn towards the front of the room and take a step. What I see causes me to freeze in place.

And there was also someone I didn't recognize.

"Actually, Natsuki…" Yuri's voice captures my attention. I'm momentarily distracted from my sense of sight. "Would it really be all that negative? We both know what it's like to be ostracized in one way or another from our peers. Having someone who has only known us for a month admit to wanting to spend more time with all of us could be progress in a healthy direction, especially for you and I. Sure, Sayori already has him, and Monika could have anyone, but it's the thought that counts. As for myself, well… I would hardly hesitate to capitalize on such a chance if I could only muster the courage..." Their voices grow silent. My eyes focused on the teacher's desk. There, in the chair, is clearly me. My body. My head is down, resting in my arms, and I am asleep. Huh?

The person I didn't recognize told a joke, and everyone laughed.

"We will just have to wait and see what this is all about. He is nothing if not genuine, and I believe this will be good for all of us. I think we have all said thus far that he is an exceptionally nice, caring individual. Natsuki and Yuri, you may not know him as well, and neither do I as a matter of fact, but ultimately Sayori does. I say we trust her. What do you two think?" Monika had just finished speaking. I glanced back to see Yuri nod. It took Natsuki a bit to comply, but she did after a few moments. She is clearly unsure of herself and the situation. In my current state, I'm not able to form my own thoughts on what they've said thus far. Would I need to? I don't even know if this is real. It sure feels real, but I'm clearly dreaming. At least this is a step in a better direction than what I'm used to doing when asleep lately. However, I'm unsure if realizing I'm dreaming is a good or bad thing.

I woke up to the sound of everyone laughing at something that happened on the TV.

"I appreciate the confidence, girls. Really, I do. There's only good things on the horizon." Sayori removes herself from her desk. "Now then, let's finish up~ Sleeping beauty over there might take a bit to be woken up. He's a hardy sleeper! Ooh~" Sounds like Sayori is about to be up to some mischief. I haven't moved from my position nearby. "Follow me, girls. I've got an idea, ehehe~" The ladies follow their vice president. Monika takes her sweet time standing. The others pass by some desks further from me, but Monika seems to have been drawn to the column of desks I'm standing right beside. I reach out to grab her shoulder. My hand passes right through.

So the laughing was not part of the dream. It was the noise that woke me up.

Monika stops. She turns around to face behind her, and I can swear she gazes directly into my eyes for a good few seconds. She looks left. She looks right. She is confused. Once more, she looks directly at me. No. Her gaze pierces my very soul. She isn't looking at me. She is looking through me. She does not acknowledge me in the slightest. It appears we are just as perplexed as the other person. Having blinked a few times, Monika turns back around to head to the front of the classroom.

I wonder who that person was, and how they knew to tell a joke at that moment.

I watch Monika leave my presence. As she walks away, I feel a comforting sensation. It feels like someone is running their fingers through my hair. The feeling is exceptionally powerful, and I struggle to stay standing. I slip into the nearest desk chair. I can feel a goofy grin spread across my face. Oh, that feels absolutely lovely. I hum and rest my head back into my arms, the same way I woke up. I feel at peace, unconcerned with the events that I just witnessed. All that matters is the comfort I feel.

"Waaakey-waaakeeeey~"

A soft, serene voice enters my ears. I let out a satisfied hum when I recognize it as Sayori's voice. She must be the one running her fingers through my hair. I can feel my cheeks heating up.

"C'mon, sweetie, it's time to gooo-ooo~"

Must I? This feels so nice. I unfold one of my arms from beneath my head and reach up, fumbling for something. I feel my fingers brush against a hand, and I gently grasp it.

"Awww! I kinda feel bad for disturbing him. He's so cute!" My cheeks must be the color of a tomato right now. "But we gotta go. Come on, sleepyhead~ We can spend tonight like this. For now, we gotta get home~" After a few seconds, I realize her hands are no longer petting me.

"Mrrr…" If I truly must. I heave the last of my relaxed demeanor into a sigh and sit up. I'm greeted by the close-up faces of three of the girls, each with a goofier expression on their face than the next.

"WAH!" I bolt upright in an instant, having been surprised by the sight. My head collides with something soft behind me, and a pair of arms wrap lazily around my shoulders. All the girls in front of me stand back up and laugh in unison. My face is crimson.

"Heeheehee! That was totally worth it!" Natsuki giggles.

"Uhuhu, I must agree," Yuri seconds, looking proud of herself.

"Ahaha~ Our vice president knows how to have fun on a moment's notice, huh?" Monika's smile is aimed above me. I try to look up, but the soft objects behind my head prevent me from moving. It seems Sayori is leaning against me. That must be her chest I'm resting against. I can't get any redder.

"Heck yeah! It helps that I like to tease my sweetheart. Isn't that right?" I feel a gentle tugging at my cheeks from dainty fingers. Sayori's shenanigans know no bounds.

"Yeah, you sure do…" Naturally, I can't help but smile. As I did before, my hand comes up to meet hers. Our fingers intertwine loosely, and I imagine Sayori must be beaming.

"Okay, everyone!" Monika pipes up, further calling our attention by bringing one hand in front of her. "Club is dismissed for today. It has been such a wonderful time sharing poems with you over the last month. I'm glad to have shared these past few weeks with you. We may not have gotten any new members, but I am grateful for what we all share, and I wouldn't trade it for anyone."

"Me, too! You all are the best bunch of friends I could ask for!" Sayori wastes no time echoing Monika's sentiment.

"I'm with the angel here; I can't imagine what things would be like without all of you," I add contently. By now, the red in my cheeks has subsided, but it threatens to come back when I feel Sayori rubbing what I assume to be her face against the top of my head. It must have been because of me calling her an angel. My free hand motions out to the rest of the girls. "I feel like our bonds are unbreakable."

"Well…" Yuri starts, but almost instantly pauses. It seems she wanted a moment to speak but needed extra time to formulate her words. Vintage Yuri. "We've coalesced into one unit filled with friendship, respect, and care for one another. It's far more than I could have asked for when this club began. I… um…" Her hands come up in front of her. She runs her fingers down the clipped hair to her left. With all the strength she could muster it seems, she forces her gaze to each of us once. Our eyes meet briefly before she moves onto the next person. "I'm proud to consider you my friends, and I can't thank you enough for you doing the same for me."

Natsuki is the only one who hasn't spoken yet. She is left being the last one that Yuri's eyes met, and now the rest of us are looking at her. It seems she can't face us, however, as she folds her arms across her chest and looks away. Absolutely no one is surprised.

"Ehehe, maybe we should-"

"No, it's fine!" Before Sayori can complete a sentence, Natsuki interrupts her suddenly. Like with Yuri, Natsuki's eyes dart to each of us. In her case, it is a more frantic motion, and she looks at each of us multiple times. She's probably stalling for time, stalling so she can gather the nerve to say what she wants. "I… I'm glad I know you all, too." A grin of what I'd like to call confidence spreads across her face. "The-there! You all got Natsuki's official seal of approval! You better cherish this moment!"

It seems she isn't done. Without unfolding her arms, she leans down and leers directly at me. My eyes widen a little. "And you!" She raises her voice in my direction. I blink. "If you ever hurt Sayori, I'll kick your ass! Be good to her. She deserves the world!"

I'll admit, I'm a little taken aback by Natsuki's words. I suppose I didn't expect something like that coming out of her. On the other hand, it seems perfectly within reason for her of all people to say something like that. There's still a side of her that none of us have seen, or at least I haven't. She is probably the person who loves the most aggressively out of all of us, and she is definitely the type of person to withhold sharing any of that love at all unless she feels something special. She will be the hardest to get through to when it comes to my emotions, I surmise. Sayori and I have still neglected to release our fingers from the other's grasp, so with my free hand I motion a simple x over my heart.

"You need not worry, Princess. On my honor, I will give Royal Diplomat Sayori the world and more."

"Eh? Royal what now? We didn't scare you too bad, did we?" I feel Sayori's hand finally release mine. She must be looking for something because I feel her fingers sift through my hair. "Maybe some of your brain seeped out. Is there a hole in here somewhere?" I don't know how much she's trying to tease me with her words. I don't particularly care. She can tease me however much she wants. And, if it wasn't too much to ask, she can play with my hair however much she wants, too. Goodness it was so relaxing. A dopey smile spreads across my face. I close my eyes, focusing on Sayori's actions.

"Ahaha~ Not to worry. His brain is all intact. Probably, anyway~" Thanks, Monika. "Besides, I know why he's acting so weird." I can sense some smugness creeping into Monika's words. Oh boy. "It's not uncommon, after all, for a boy's intelligence to plummet the closer he is to a nice pair of boobs!" I hear snickering coming from Natsuki. I press my lips together. Monika's comment was actually pretty funny, but I don't want to risk moving away from Sayori's touch. It seems I have no say in the matter; Sayori's hands move away of their own volition. They seemed to clap together above me.

"Aww! Monika thinks I have nice boobs!" Sayori either seems to have missed the implications or chose to ignore what Monika was going for. Either way, the snickering I heard evolves into laughter, with a lower giggle accompanying it. I can tell that both Natsuki and Yuri are amused by these antics. I finally open my eyes just in time to see Monika's reaction.

"Huh? W-wait, Sayori, that's…" Monika's voice falters. In an effort to tease me, it seems she wound up getting flustered herself. Take that! Pretending to be unfazed, she shakes her head and places a hand on her hip. "Well, I suppose I won't take that from you. Yes, Sayori, I do think you have nice boobs."

"Yesss!" Sayori hops to the side of the teacher's desk and sticks her chest out triumphantly. "Feast your eyes, ladies! I gots me a compliment from President Monika!"

"Ahaha~" Uh-oh. Monika's laugh sounds like it has a plan behind it. "Maybe next week we can hear more about Sayori's boobs from someone else!" Monika glowers at me with a cocky expression and I look away, wide-eyed. My composure is reduced to nothing. Back to being a tomato it is, I suppose. Monika may have failed earlier but she still came through. Teasing master Monika. Now there is a nightmare come true.

"Ehehe, ehe, ehe, eheehhh…" Sayori sounds as anxious as she looks, pressing her index fingers together and looking away from the rest of us. She isn't easy to embarrass considering she can have the oblivious shamelessness of, um, well of Sayori, but I suppose this time the implications spoke clear enough that she understood.

"Heeheehee…" Natsuki's grin is… I can't put a description to it. It's a cross between a sneer, a grin, jealousy, and a look of confidence. Now that's a mish-mash of expressions I can't fully understand how they would go together. When I see her eyes land on me, I feel like I'm about to find out just what is up. "First Sayori to Yuri. Then Monika to Sayori. That just leaves us not being part of this boob compliment party, mister! I better get some nice words about mine from you before next month, 'cuz I ain't sayin' jack about yours!"

"I-I'm going ba-back t-t-to sleep!" I bury my head in my arms. I may as well take a red marker and color my whole face in. The other girls are giggling again. They are having way too much fun with this. Well, I suppose it is more than worth it, even if it is at my expense. It's not like I don't poke fun at myself from time to time to entertain them, after all. This is barely any different.

"Aww…" I hear Sayori let out a vaguely sad coo. "Natsuki, yours are precious and cute, just like you~"

"Wh-what are you saying?!"

"Ehehe, well since it seemed like you wanted one, I gave you a boob compliment now!"

"I… Y-You… That's…" I hear Natsuki groan. "W-well… um… thanks, I guess. Hah, I s-suppose I should give you one back! Y-Yours… are thhh… the… the-eeeuuuhhh perfect size! Yeah, perfect s-size! I'm jealous!" I can't sense any jealousy in her words, but then again, she is pretty good at hiding her true emotions behind her relentless self-confident persona.

I finally lift my head and stare dumbfounded at Sayori. "What did you do?! They're flirting with both of us now!"

"I-I AIN'T FLIRTING, IDIOT!" With a huff, Natsuki turns and walks away. From what I caught as she turned, she was red in the face. At least I wasn't the only one.

"I didn't do anything," Sayori responds in earnest. She doesn't come off as defensive, just matter-of-fact.

"Well, this is just the kind of thing girls do with each other sometimes. Not that you would know," Monika said. I turn to look at her. I can't tell if she's serious or not. That sounds like a made-up fantasy guys would theorize about, like how an all-girl sleepover would consist of pillow fights and admiring each other's bodies. "If they're comfortable speaking like this in front of you, then they must consider you just another one of the girls!"

I'm sure Monika is yet again trying to mess with me, at least on some level. This time, the joke is on her. I am unfettered. "I'm glad to be thought of like that. Thank you, ladies!" I speak loudly and proudly.

"Truth be told, you could easily pass for any gender," Yuri speaks up. Her hands mess with her hair and she isn't making eye contact. "Hav-having gotten used to what you look like, I've started to think that your features are very androgynous and, um, d-dare I say c-c-cute in nature." I wasn't expecting that last bit from Yuri, but I make sure to acknowledge her words with a smile. It will still be a while before my cheeks resume their natural color.

"Masculinity is overrated anyhow," Monika adds, giving my shoulder a playful shove. "Softer, feminine traits are cuter, like Yuri said."

"Yeah!" Sayori hops up to my side and wraps her arms around me. "My cute, feminine little buddy! The only real masculine trait on you is in your pants!"

"Augh!" I cry out. Sayori somehow catches me off-guard. Worse still, I can't hide my face due to how she's positioned. I think the others were surprised at her words because they aren't saying anything. I'm almost certain they are trying to hide their amusement with a hand in front of their mouths. I try not to look at them. Yuri is slightly to the left in front of the desk and Monika is directly to my right, so I'm left looking in Natsuki's direction. She's gone still, and her hands are balling up into fists. She swings her arms a bit and looks around the room. I can't tell what she could possibly be thinking about that has her tense. Her head turns towards us. She jumps when she sees that I'm looking at her. It seems my attention on her spooked her into acting, as she scrambles for her bag.

"Um, I-I gotta go! Just realized the time! See all you wonderful losers later!" Natsuki cries out and is nearly out the door before we can respond. We all bid hasty farewells to her. That was… out of the ordinary. As far as I can tell, I'm the only one who noticed anything about her demeanor. I don't have time to ponder; Yuri starts speaking.

"Oh dear, I should get going as well. It's been a pleasure, all of you." She gives a brief bow and heads for her own things.

"It's the weekend, baby!" Sayori's excitement shows itself in full. She takes her arms back from around me and trots off for her own bag. Monika peers down at me, nods in Sayori's direction as if to remark on my excitable partner, and gives me a big smile. I smile back, and Monika leans down to retrieve her messenger bag from beside the teacher's desk.

I stand and snag my poem, heading for the desk where my stuff is. I'm very careful with this piece of paper. It means a lot to me, especially having shared it with the club now. Sayori is already beckoning to me from the doorway. I throw a smile her way and toss my bag over my shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm coming." It's no wonder she's excited. We are about to spend the weekend together, after all. We bid goodbye to the ladies and head out the club room door.

Today has certainly been interesting. The break in the usual pattern for my nightmares, Sayori and I seemingly sharing a dream experience, putting my emotions together for all to see in that poem, Monika being a big ol' meanie, that dream I had…

Wait. That dream! "Um, I forgot something I wanted to ask Monika about!"

"Huh? Oh, okay!" Sayori just smiles at me. "I'll wait by the school entrance. Don't keep me waiting too long~"

"No problem," I nod. With that, she starts skipping along. Nothing but positive thoughts cross my mind when I see her having fun in her own little world. I shouldn't get too caught up in those for the moment. I'm on a mission. I turn around and travel the short distance back to the club room. As I draw close, Yuri exits and turns in my direction.

"Have you forgotten something?" Yuri inquires, stepping out of my way thoughtfully.

"Yes. Curse me and my memory," I say sheepishly. "Do take care this weekend."

"The very same to you. Be well!"

With that, we both head our separate ways. Monika is gathering her stuff at the teacher's desk, shoving manila folders containing paperwork into her bag. I enter the club room and close the door behind me. The noise alerts her, and she is already turning to look in my direction.

"Before I leave," I start, getting the first edge in, "I wanted to ask: do you believe in…" I come to a pause. In hindsight, what I'm about to ask sounds ridiculous. Nevertheless, I persist onwards. "…psychic powers?"

"Hm? Where did this come from?" Monika inquires rhetorically. She moves her things and seats herself on the edge of the desk. The loss of a few inches of height from her not standing puts us at eye level. "Well, of course! The human mind is capable of all sorts of amazing things. There's so much that simple science can't explain, after all."

"Somehow I figured you'd say that," I respond. Monika gave a very Monika-esque answer. "You wouldn't happen to believe in them because you have them, would you?"

Monika leans back slightly, keeping balanced with her palms flat on the desk surface. She tilts her head. Her ponytail brushes against her bag. "That's an awfully…" She pauses and looks away. "…silly thing to ask out of the blue, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I was thinking that myself. Your joke about being omniscient didn't help any."

"Oh, my gosh. I told you I was just messing with you, ahaha!" Monika laughed. She crossed one leg over the other. Again, one knee was practically on top of its twin. I can almost feel one of my own legs start to lock up. "Hey now, you ought to get permission from Sayori before you go looking at another girl like that!"

"Ah, s-sorry!" I stammer and bring my gaze back up to Monika.

"Ahaha! Again, I'm just messing." Monika gives me a smile. "Motion attracts the attention of anyone who sees it. It's only natural. That's why people with anxiety are super attentive to their actions in front of others. They are constantly on the lookout for people whose eyes are on them just for existing, and that just makes their anxiety worse. Did you know that?"

Not being an expert on mental illness, I shake my head. "Not at all. Learn something new every day, huh?"

"Something like that! Anyway, where were you going with this?"

With a shrug of my shoulders, I start to pace. How do I tackle this? "Well, I'm going to talk with Sayori about some of this stuff later, buuut since I'm here I may as well bring it up. I, uh, I think I've been experiencing some weird stuff lately. Stuff that seems like more than mere coincidences, stuff I can't explain rationally. Mostly it's been weird dreams." I frown and come to a standstill. I look at her. "However, when I was asleep earlier, something… interesting happened."

"Interesting, huh? Well, what happened?"

"I woke up at a desk near you all. I could see myself asleep at this desk here where you left me, but I saw myself from the perspective of the back of the room. I overheard the end of your conversation, and when I tried to get the attention of anyone, no one seemed to realize I was there."

"Well, when one dreams, it typically can be filled with nonsense. Other times, it can be about the most recent things you thought of when you were awake. Our subconscious minds are unpredictable." Monika narrows her eyes at me. "Are you sure you were dreaming? Maybe you were just daydreaming instead. Those can be very vivid, and you may not realize you're doing it. Plus, it might have been your way of supplanting your own memories of eavesdropping on us."

"Wh-what?!" I tensed up. "N-no, it's nothing like that! I swear I wasn't trying to eavesdrop on you all. I couldn't hear you before I fell asleep. I would have heard you start talking when I was reading my poem back!" Man, do I feel nervous. All I can hope is that she believes me. "It felt so, so real! There was a natural continuation between when I fell asleep initially and when I woke up. Then, when I woke up for real, it felt like another natural continuation of when I had fallen back asleep in the dream. I had felt Sayori messing with my hair while I was dreaming, sat down, and closed my eyes. After that, I woke up in my body!" This must sound dumb as hell. I let out a sigh.

"Look, I don't think you were eavesdropping on us."

"Just messing with me again, right? You sure picked up on this skill quite easily all of a sudden."

"Ahaha~ Well, I've always been good at it. I just don't put it on display. It's much more fun to get to know someone else and figure out how best to tease them, then show them no mercy!" Monika brings one of her hands to her face and strokes her chin in a diabolical fashion.

"You're nothing short of an evil mastermind, you know that?"

"Better get used to it, bucko!" She grins. I shake my head. Monika could truly do anything. If she wasn't omniscient, she may as well be omnipotent instead.

"I'll try," I say without a shred of confidence. I set my bag down beside me and shove my hands in my pockets. "There was one other thing that was weird about that dream. You must have seen me sleeping when you all got up to come wake me, right?"

"Yep. So?"

"So you know my head was down."

"Um, yeah? What about it?"

I glance off to the side. If this wasn't a dream I was recalling, then what came next would be undisputable proof. "As all of you made your way to the front of the room, you were the last to approach. You went through the desks closer to me, as opposed to the other girls." I return my eyes to her. "I reached out for you since you were there. My hand passed through your shoulder. As soon as it did, you turned around. You looked at me twice- or, uh, through me, I guess- before joining everyone else at the front of the room."

Monika blinks. She was so confident a moment ago, but I feel a shift in her emotional state. It isn't something visible I can see. Rather, it is an unnamed sensation, a certain vibe, I am getting from her. It's a similar sort of feeling I get when Sayori is trying to keep her depressive episodes from me. My evolution as a person after the incident caused me to become hyper-aware of the emotions of those around me. That's how I know when Sayori is putting energy into her happy-girl mask when she isn't actually happy. That's how I generally know when Natsuki is hiding something when her uber-confidence isn't overpowering everything else about her emotional state. That's how I know that not all is as it seems with Monika right now.

"You're right, that is pretty weird," Monika admits. She simply waves it off, literally, with one hand. "I can't say anything that would give you a satisfactory answer though. Sorry!" She hops off the desk and straightens out her skirt. "For what it's worth, I wish I could. It bugs me when I'm not able to help a friend."

I guess I wasn't sure what I was after when I decided to pursue this. Her answer leaves me desiring more, but it's only based on intuition. I can't possibly communicate that to her. Plus, it's very possible that it is nothing after all, that it was just a dream. How can I reasonably continue on about something that took place when I wasn't affixed to reality when it happened? She gives me a small, apologetic smile. I nod my head in response.

"I appreciate that. I really do. And you're sure you didn't have any dream related to me confessing my feelings for you or anyone else?"

"Nope!" She says simply. I can sense that this answer is genuine.

"Alright. I want to thank you for your honesty," I respond with deliberate wording

"Anytime! Now, you have someone to get back to, hmm?" She approaches me and gives a light nudge to my shoulder with her elbow. I nod and can't help but grin.

"I sure do!" I scoop my bag up from the floor, sling it over my shoulder, and give Monika a brief thumbs-up. "I'll see you on Monday. Take care!"

"You too!"

"Uuuaaahhh~! Man, that was great!"

Without a single bit of surprise in me, Sayori enjoyed dinner. Binge-eating may have been one of her most visible depression symptoms, but she still loved food in general. She let out a huge yawn and flopped face-down onto my bed. I was laying on my back near the wall; she was closer to the rest of the room. Her haphazardly sprawling out caused her hand to smack me in the chest.

"Sorry!" She apologized hastily. Before she can take her hand back, I snag it in one of mine.

"Nope. This is mine now!" I was already laying down, so I bring her hand up and nuzzle my cheek against it.

"But!!! I need that sometimes!"

"Only sometimes? Well good, then I can keep it for myself the rest of the time."

"Waaah!" Sayori gives me the poutiest of pouts. She rolls onto her side and faces me, clearly wanting my attention. I feign ignorance by looking away, pretending to see something interesting on my ceiling. She simply isn't having it, however, and grabs my face with her free hand. It squishes my cheeks and redirects my head. I am forced to look at her. "If you're not gonna give me my hand back…" She manages to scrunch her face up to look like an exceptionally pathetic child. What she says next can hardly be described as words: "Sayowi wiww be vewy, vewy sad."

"Oh nooo!" I respond. Sayori's silliness is like a shining beacon of positive energy radiating throughout me. "I don't want Sayori to be sad!" With my free hand, I remove hers from my face, now having taken possession of both. Her pout relaxes. "Tell you what. I'll give you your hand…sss, hands, back, if you lay with me for a little while-"

"Deal!" Sayori almost doesn't give me a chance to finish my sentence. She tugs her hands out of my eased grip and practically lunges for me, slinging her arms over my shoulders. Her head comes to a rest on my chest. I take a moment to recover from the sudden impact and then wrap my arms around her upper back.

"Sometimes I can't keep up with your levels of excitement. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all! I know I'm too wily for most people, ehehe~"

"Well, that is a relief and a half."

There is some silence between us. Since we've known each other for so long, silence is a very comfortable thing to share. It can be pretty rare considering it involves Sayori, but it still happens. I think it happens more often nowadays due to us spending more time together. There is less to talk about the more time you spend with someone. The whole relationship thing also helps.

"Hey, scoot up a bit. Put your head on my shoulder," I speak. Sayori wordlessly complies, another rarity. The wordless bit, not the complying bit. She isn't one to defy something asked of her. Her arms reposition themselves near my head, playing with my hair. Good. In response, I reveal my own intentions, sliding my hands under the back of her simple pink shirt and starting to rub. Our breathing soon syncs up, soaking in the light intimacy we are sharing. "We're so good to each other."

"Mmm~ You said it, duuude~" Sayori coos. Good lord, she is so easy to love.

The situation we find ourselves in right now is relaxing. Too relaxing. I'm the one pouting now since we still have a serious conversation on the horizon. I'm not really looking forward to it. She has enough to deal with; she shouldn't need to become privy to my nightmares and my odd emotional state. She shouldn't need to deal with a boyfriend that has an unexplained recent attraction to anyone other than herself. She should be able to be happy and lead a simple life. I almost feel like the way she cares about me in spite of what I need to tell her makes me hurt a little inside. Is this the kind of thing she meant when she said that she likes me so much she wanted to die?

"Eurgh…" I groan. Those memories being brought up are… not pleasant. I despise it. I despise all of it. I just want to stay away from it.

"What's wrong?"

I had my eyes shut tightly. I realize I had also stopped rubbing Sayori's back. My eyelids fly open and I see a look of concern on Sayori's face. "Just some bad memories."

"You wanna talk about them?"

"Not particularly."

Sayori's look of concern spreads. Her hands take hold of my head. Her tone becomes quiet. "If something is bothering you, you should get it out of your system to whoever will listen. That's the kind of thing my therapist has told me. It would do you some good."

"I know, I know…" My hands come up to cover hers. "I would sooner move onto some other thoughts than talk them out. Talking about them means I have to dwell on them longer. As long as they don't stick around in my head for too long, I'll be fine. If they get worse and won't go away, that's when I know I have to pursue help. You're the perfect person to go to." I look up at her with a soft smile on my face. "I don't know much, but I know I love you. That may be all I need to know. We're in this together and we're going to make it. We will always have each other to go to when that brain plague comes up."

"Good!" I was waiting for that smile to come back. I'm glad I could make it return so quickly. "Just like how you don't wanna see me sad, I don't wanna see you sad. So, we gotta keep each other happy!"

"As long as you are by my side, I'll always be happy."

"Awww! You're such a sap lately, but that's part of what I love about you!" Sayori wraps her arms around my shoulders and lifts, pulling me into quite a tight hug. She can't pull me up very far since she's laying on me, but boy does she ever try. I return the sentiment, tightening my arms around her lower back. My hands are still under her shirt. My fingers gently grip her bare skin.

"You know Sayori, in hindsight, it seems silly that you wanted some time for things to return to normal before we started this little relationship. With how easily we've meshed, it feels like there was no chance for this to fail."

"I've felt that sort of thing myself, ehehe~ But, in the moment, it didn't hurt to wait. Better safe than sorry, and all that."

"I'm just glad we have what we have."

"Me, too! For a long while now, I've wanted to spend more time with you, just like in the past. Who would've thought I'd get my wish and more?!"

"Neither of us, that's for sure."

We release our mutual hug. Sayori places her forehead against mine. Our noses are touching. We are so close to each other, it's a wonder how we aren't already kissing. Well, sometime this weekend the prophecy of last night's dream will have come true. Speaking of which…

"So, um…" I begin. "As much as I would love to get lost in your eyes, we have to talk about what I said when we shared poems."

"Oh yeah!"

We take a moment to adjust ourselves, crawling close to the corner of the two walls my bed is situated at. I'm seated with my back to one wall, and her to the other wall. We face each other slightly, but it's much more comfortable to have something behind you to support your back. The walls will do. We each have one of my pillows behind us, keeping our backs from being bothered by the wood, sheetrock, or whatever this house's interior is made of. I've always kept myself more reserved, sitting cross-legged. Sayori has no problem spreading out, the result being that her near foot has found its way into my lap. I don't mind. In fact, I appreciate its presence in this instance. It will give my hands something to do, something for me to focus on subconsciously, while I sift through my mind. I think I read online that it was called… stimming? It's an action more commonly referred to by name in people who have ADHD or are on the autistic spectrum. I think. I don't exactly absorb all the information I consume. Only parts of it remain. Hell, even what I just went over in my head could have been incorrect or severely lacking in detail. I can deal with learning more another time. My hands find their way to her dainty foot and begin rubbing it.

"So, which part do I begin at…"

"Start at my heel and work your way up~"

"N-not the massage, Sayori."

"Ehehe~"

This girl, I swear… I mean, I obey her request, but still. She can be such a loon. As much as stalling still sounds like a great idea, I must get through this for both of our sakes. My eyes focus on hers.

"The initial bit of this goes back more to something that came up this morning. It has kind of gone on for some time now, actually. You know how you've been having nightmares about… that thing? Well, so have I. I figured it was redundant to bring them up and I didn't want you to think about what I was going through when I was more worried about you. I thought nothing of it because I wasn't surprised that we were both scarred by that incident."

I look away from her.

"This morning, though… The contents of your dream matched up with mine, basically. Your summary too closely described what I experienced for it to have been just a coincidence. I don't know how, but it seems like we shared the same dream." I shook my head and pressed my lips together. "I can't begin to fathom how that is possible but, for all intents and purposes, we had the same dream, and that dream…"

I sighed. I had swept this thought away to the back of my mind throughout today, but it's now unmistakably present in the front of my consciousness: Sayori initially learned about my feelings for the other girls not from me directly, but from a dream. She didn't seem bothered by it when she spoke of it this morning. However, it was just a dream then. It wasn't real. This is different. I get my hands, which had paused for a few moments, to resume their rubbing. I force my eyes to meet hers. She is staring with an expression of intense focus, listening carefully.

"That dream wasn't simply a dream. It was like a cross between our typical nightmares and a look into my subconscious thought processes, and we shared it together. In fact, I can't be certain that some of the recurring nightmares we've had over the past few weeks haven't also been shared between us. This morning was even more particular though. Remember how I said I was intending to spin you around this morning? It was because of that dream, so you must remember it coming up as well. You told me to spin you around when we met in the morning." I pause, unnerved. "I felt way more at ease talking about this in that dream, but the fact of the matter is… what we discussed was based on my real thoughts. I want to reiterate that I love you. I love you so, so much. But… I'd be lying if I said I haven't also grown feelings for the rest of the girls in the club."

My eyes started to wander. The motions of my hands grew careless and sloppy. I was mentally retreating into the confines of my brain, sinking against the pillow separating my back from the uncaring wall. My gaze was drawn upwards.

"I can't pinpoint when I first realized it. It's like those feelings came from out of nowhere. I found myself drawn to them. Their varied personalities, their unique or shared interests, and even their problems were something like magnets pulling me in. Just like how we've been sharing the same dreams, I can't explain it. Maybe it's stupid, unbelievable, or unrealistic to say that it feels like some kind of otherworldly attraction that has no reason or origin. But, if we can share the same dreams, isn't this just another branch on that tree of uncertainty? Is this not just as real as anything else…?"

For a few long seconds, only my hands are moving. I don't blink. I don't think I'm even breathing. It's so quiet that I can almost hear the noises my intestines are making as they digest dinner. When I realize what happened, I find that I had started to rock back and forth without realizing it. That was no doubt something born out of the anxiety I was feeling and showing. I exhale powerfully through my nostrils and close my eyes. I bring my rocking to a halt and my head gingerly finds the wall, resting against it.

"In just a short amount of time, being together has made us both very happy. We are closer than ever, with a near-infinite amount of happy memories behind us that will fuel our bond for untold lengths of time. We aren't just friends anymore. Hell, we haven't been just friends for a long time. Sure, we only recently reconnected to the same degree of closeness we were at, before our final years as teens rather than adults, but the reason it was so easy for us to resume our friendship is because of what we have shared since childhood. That reason is also why this relationship came so naturally. We've been more than just friends for longer than either of us can remember."

I open my eyes. They are unfocused. I try to return my line of sight to Sayori, but it just isn't happening. I manage to get them somewhat close to her, but I'm still looking at the wall around her head rather than her.

"That's the sort of thing I want with the rest of the girls in the club. Like I said, I don't know when or how it happened, but I feel like it's something that's meant to be. They improve me as a person, just like you have. Natsuki makes me feel like I have more self-confidence than I had when this school year started. Yuri makes me feel like I'm more intelligent than I've led myself to believe. Monika makes me feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it. They've each had their fair share of problems too, problems that I want to help them with. It's easy to tell that their lives have been devoid of a certain kind of love that we all deserve to feel, even Monika who could have anyone she wants! I want to fill that void they have in their hearts. I want to make them happy. I want to do for them what I've done for you, and what you've done for me. I want to love them. I want them to love me. I want Natsuki. I want Yuri. I want Monika. I want you. I want the entire Literature Club."

I am finally able to look at Sayori again. I move her foot out of my lap and scoot closer to her. We are inches away. I gather my courage and I focus on her. I want to make sure she feels every bit of emotion I'm putting into these next words.

"I'm not going to do anything without your say-so. You come first. You always have. You always will. It's because of you that I've opened up and have been able to feel how strong my emotions can be again. It's because of you that I broke out of a rut I'd been stuck in for far too long. It's because of you that I realized I loved you. You are my priority above all else in this world. I don't want to come anywhere close to doing something that would upset you or make you feel unappreciated. As it is, I kind of loathe the fact that I'm in this position because I don't want you to be in this position. You deserve a hell of a lot better than someone who so easily fell for a bunch of girls he just met when he's had you all his life. You deserve better than a guy who didn't realize he had feelings for you until you confessed out of desperation, but is now telling you that you're not the only one he has feelings for. You deserve better than someone whose very words could be hurting you right now because he can't keep this from you any longer. You deserve better than me."

I take her near hand into my own.

"But…"

I make sure that nothing outside of her eyes fills my vision. It seems that her eyes are just as focused on mine. I'm too caught up in my own thoughts to read her expression at all.

"…I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. I want to work towards being the kind of person you deserve. I want to wind up being the person you are proud to call your love. I want to have the strength to fight off these feelings so that we can be uninterrupted in our relationship. So that you can find solace in my love and not be afraid I'll leave you. So that you and I can continuously move forward and improve as individuals and as a couple. So that we can flourish. So that we can simply be."

My hands release her own. The gentle sound of it dropping to the bed can be heard. Without thinking, I push away from the wall and bring my far leg over her thighs. I'm straddling her lap. We're face-to-face.

"So that we can…"

Sayori's eyes are shimmering.

"So that…"

I can't just tell her. I need to show her. My hands slowly find their place at the sides of her head.

"…we…"

I tilt her head back slightly so that she is gazing up at me. Her lips are parted and twitching from bated breath. As I inch forward, I feel like I'm moving through an atmosphere of molasses. The tension is palpable. My breathing wavers. My expression is soft. Hers grows softer. One of my thumbs strokes against the corresponding cheek on her face. She is warm. So am I.

"…can… love…"

I close my eyes as well as the remaining distance. Our lips meet. I can almost taste unfathomable sweetness. She is the softest thing I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing in my life. It would be impressive how delicate she felt to me if I weren't caught up feeling like I was kissing the most heavenly piece of cotton candy in history. I feel her hands rest upon my shoulders, holding me in place.

The kiss ends. We don't part ways. I nuzzle my lips against hers. She responds in kind. The only sounds that exist are our timid breaths and our beating hearts. We press our lips together again, this time in unison. Both of my thumbs stroke her cheeks. My remaining fingers softly rub against her temples, mussing her already unkempt hair. Together, we grow weak in the other's arms. At some point, we fell over onto our sides, away from the corner of the bed. Our lips didn't dare part. If anything, we only pressed ourselves more firmly against each other to ensure the kiss didn't end until we were damn ready for it to. She is on top of me now.

The kiss ends. We don't get very far away from each other. My hands are around her waist. Hers have taken up residence upon my head, similar to how mine were just moments ago. Her whole body is pressed against mine. This time, her lips descend to reach me. They make contact. If I had any control over my mental faculties, I would be curious as to what the experience was like on her end. I don't have the ability to process anything aside from this moment, so the thought gets abandoned without my input. I realize that my hands had found themselves up her shirt, rubbing tenderly at her back once more. My lips were the small portion of body I had conscious control over. The rest was completely on autopilot.

The kiss ends. Our faces finally gain some modicum of distance between the other's, but our eyes feel closer than ever. We are staring so deeply into each other that we may get lost and find ourselves in another world entirely. Well, I suppose I already feel like I'm in another world. I can sense so much emotion that I can't make heads or tails of it all. What I can understand is that this is something extraordinary. It feels like our souls are sharing the same exact space in the entire universe. We are experiencing full synchronicity. Nothing else could remotely match this. She draws closer again. I lift my head to do the same. It appears we are not done. No one is complaining. Our collective hearts are on fire. They burn for one another. This isn't how I intended tonight to go. No, this is a much preferable outcome. This exceeds all possible outcomes. It is legitimately impossible for anything better to have happened. Our lips meet for an unprecedented fourth time and we sink into unspoken bliss.

The kiss does not end.

It's just her and I right now, and nothing else matters.

Chapter 3 End

I'm sure various peoples' thoughts on what MC looks like differs. Personally, I headcanon him to look like Childish-N's design seen on DeviantArt (I am prevented from linking to things here, so search "childish-n ddlc protagonist" on Google and the 2 appropriate pages will be at the top) with the featured yellow eyes instead of red.

On a related note, "The MC Dream Twins" present in Chapter 1 look very similar to MC himself. Dream Twin 1 (the boy) looks almost exactly the same as the above MC design. Dream Twin 2 (the girl) I headcanon to look like Meddy-Sin's female MC (aka FeMC) design shared on Reddit (again I can't link, so look up "Meddy-Sin" on Google for their Reddit profile page and there should be three "FeMC Sprites" posts at the top which contain the design).

I'm sure various peoples' thoughts on what MC looks like differs. Personally, I headcanon him to look like Childish-N's design seen on DeviantArt (here www.deviantart.com/childish-n/art/DDLC-Protagonist-Sprite-715239172 and also here www.deviantart.com/childish-n/art/DDLC-Protagonist-Sprite-Version-2-751332184 ) with the featured yellow eyes instead of red.

On a related note, "The MC Dream Twins" present in Chapter 1 look very similar to MC himself. Dream Twin 1 (the boy) looks almost exactly the same as the above MC design. Dream Twin 2 (the girl) I headcanon to look like Meddy-Sin's female MC (aka FeMC) design seen on Reddit (here www.reddit.com/r/DDLC/comments/8vejk0/femc_sprites_short_hair/ and here www.reddit.com/r/DDLC/comments/8w5x23/femc_sprites_2_electric_boogaloo_long_hair/ and also here www.reddit.com/r/DDLC/comments/9hvbph/femc_sprites_v30_mega_late_edition/ ).

Song lyrics are present in this chapter.

Don't Know Much - Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville ("I know, I know…" paragraph)

Aimless Shenanigans · May 9, 2019

Chapter 4: Overcast/Fragmented

Irregular heartbeat. Heart palpitations. Arrhythmia. I search and search, eyes scanning everything I can find.

I've felt this feeling before. I've been in this location too many times. Too many to count. Wait… A feeling swells in my brain. Dread of… no. It's not there. It's… fading? Those prime feelings of animalistic frenzy are leaving just as fast as they arrived.

What is this? Shortness of breath? Chest pain? Dizziness?

I do not stumble through the darkness. My eyes adjust. They tell me everything I already know. I'm at home. The off-putting physical sensations I'm used to feeling are not present. The echoes of danger are waning.

No. This is all… wrong?

I am seated in my desk chair. Something is different this time. A lot is different this time. A haze fills my brain, but it appears to be clearing things up rather than muddling them. The corruption of the past few weeks' worth of nightmares fades away into nothingness, at least for now.

Things are fine.

I feel like I can trust it. It's unusual, but there is nothing inside telling me to be careful. There is no inkling of anxiety, no trace of fear, nothing out of the ordinary. Well, this dream is out of the ordinary, but for a very different reason. I already know I am dreaming, just like the past few weeks. That's all I have to go on, though.

Well, what now?

Well, what now? The lack of light outside means it is still night out, perhaps early morning. Does that even matter?

Is there a point to this?

I feel a queer vibration somewhere in my brain. It's a strange tingling sensation. It feels as though something inside me is being activated, something that normally isn't. I rub the affected area of my head with a hand, wondering what it is. Even that action feels foreign to me. When my hand makes contact with the back of my head, I can feel something spread not only throughout that area, but also around- not on, but around- my body. A soothing sensation spreads across me. Somehow, I am calmed more than I thought my already relaxed state could get. I feel at peace. I'm shocked, but relieved. Have you ever finally gotten the chance to take that long-awaited vacation after months and months of stress? Have you ever had the most exhausting day and just flop down into bed as soon as you get home? Have you ever had to take like a wicked-long piss for more than an hour and finally got the chance to do something about it just before your insides burst? That's what this feels like.

Real mature.

Well, back to what I was thinking about: is there a point to this?

We can answer that.

I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. My eyelids, at ease from this healing aura I'm currently enveloped in, take their sweet time opening even just enough to look towards the door. I'm sure only one thing could truly disturb me at the moment. What are the odds that something bad is about to come through that doorway?

"Come in," I say just above my inside voice. Those outside comply. Two familiar faces file into my room, closing the door behind them. It's the… I'm not sure what to call them. They are the… Dream Twins? The boy and the girl from last night are here.

"Those odds are pretty low," says the boy. I cock an eyebrow at him and raise a hand to address his words. However, maybe unsurprisingly on some level, the girl speaks before I can get a syllable out.

"Yeah, he did," she says, affirming my unspoken inquiry about whether or not the boy had read my mind. Okay then.

"Before you go asking any questions, we can probably lead you to some preliminary answers." As the boy speaks, they both saunter across my room and seat themselves on my bed. I swivel my desk chair in their direction, right elbow propped on the arm of it. Somehow, I knew they were going to do that. It's as though my focus on them allows me to see into their minds. Their actions become slightly apparent to me before they perform them. Is it because I'm focused on them? Last night, I was barely aware of their existence most of the time. Well, would I be able to predict their words as they did mine?

"You might know everything I'm going to do…" I begin, a brief pause allowing one of them to speak if they wish.

"…But that's not going to help you…" The girl pipes up, folding her hands together in her lap.

"…Since I know everything you're going to do!" The boy continues where the girl left off.

"Strange, isn't it?" We all finish in unison.

What a time to be alive.

"So, I'm a pretty intelligent guy," I speak, tapping my fingertips on the arm of the chair. "…Sometimes." I make sure to toss some self-deprecation in there. Can't forget that. "Anyhow, let me think for a moment."

First, the obvious: they seem to be me. How far deep does that go? I must assume it goes all the way. They must know everything I do. They knew I loved Sayori. I mean, okay, that one is pretty obvious. I don't have a whole lot to go on there. Next, their demeanor. While I was frozen in grief in front of her hanging corpse last night, they did not seem to hesitate or show much emotion while they were removing her from the ceiling. Instead, it was only after the fact that they showed anything other than gentle compassion, and none of whatever feelings they experienced were expressed in any strong manner. Everything was subtle. Would that persist? Lastly, they exist at all. Furthermore, I can never remember anything like this happening before in my life. As we approach this significant Monday, I've encountered them twice now, and during back-to-back nights at that.

"Okay," I begin, "you two are connected to the incident in some way, aren't you?" I open with the most obvious thing.

"Probably," the girl says with a shrug. Not what I was expecting. She seems unsure. My eyes narrow a little.

"Oookay. Well, something else then. You're some kind of manifestation of my subconsciousness."

"More than likely," the boy responds with a slight wavering of his hand. No definite answers? All I'm getting is wishy-washiness.

"Alright. Tell me something I don't know."

The duo look at each other and grimace. "Uuuhhh…" Another bit of verbalizing at the same time. I better get used to that. The girl returns her gaze to me slightly ahead of the boy and gives a solemn raising of her eyebrows.

"If you're not being sarcastic, you kinda hit the nail on the head."

Ah. I think I know where this is going. My increased ability to freely rifle through my thoughts right now is astounding. I feel as sharp as ever. I lean forward in the chair and clasp my hands together. My focus is on them. "So, you can't tell me anything I don't know. I suppose you are limited to only what I've learned and experienced. You aren't some mystic presence bestowed upon my mind to guide me past things I've never encountered. You may still be here to help, but that only goes so far."

"Bingo." Goddamnit, again with the stereo speech. I sure hope I can get used to that. To be quite honest, I feel like my mental link with these two is very strong. My words are almost not my own. Some part of me is already catching on to what they are and why they are here. This isn't like when I asked Monika out of the blue about psychic powers. My intelligence, rationale, and insight are exceptionally boosted in this dream realm. Can I call it a realm? It sure seems like an extraordinary world separated from the mortal plane. Even some of the verbiage I'm using- aloud or otherwise- seems to have been influenced by those more intelligent and sporadic with their use of language. Yuri fits that description to a T. It's a shame that can't always carry over into reality. I could use a boost to my awareness, to feel smarter.

"Self-help is like that, unfortunately," the boy utters, shaking his head. "We can't give definitive answers. What we can do is help lead you to thoughts and conclusions that ought to assist you when you're awake. We can help with connecting the dots, if you will."

"It's kind of like therapy, isn't it?" They seem to constantly alternate speaking, with the girl taking her turn now. "A therapist's job is to help you overcome yourself. Well, part of it is, anyhow. They offer the ability to take a look at yourself from an outside perspective and help you proceed from there. The only difference here is that you are actually just talking to yourself. Not that that's a bad thing. It's a legitimate tactic designed to help you rationalize ideas and concepts usually relating to logic. Other times it has to do with memory, learning, and unlearning things like recurring thought processes and behaviors."

"Jesus," I say, running my left hand through my hair. "Did I pick up this much information about therapy when I was looking up stuff so I could better understand Sayori's struggles?"

"Well, if we know it, you've either read it or come to the conclusion yourself." Back to the boy, it seems. "Well, I guess we don't know it, per se. It's almost certainly what you took away from your research, though."

"Calling it research sounds disingenuous to me," I respond, noting internally my use of another word that I probably wouldn't use when not asleep. My right hand grips the arm of the chair, my left dropping into my lap. "I still have no real idea of either what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to think of all this. My inexperience is getting the best of me."

"But you're trying," the girl reassures me with a gesturing of her hands in my direction, "and that's what matters."

"Trying sure doesn't mean succeeding, that's for damn sure…"

"Whoa, easy there, buddy," the boy returns, putting his arms up defensively.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch!" The girl snickers after her words.

"Pfft." I roll my eyes. "The only one around here who wears panties is Sayori."

"Um…" The boy starts. I'm not sure if he was going to proceed, but he gets derailed.

"Are you sure about that?" The girl poses a piercing question. It catches me off-guard.

"…Uh…" Well I suppose I wouldn't know, having never seen past her lower garments for very obvious reasons. "What else would she wear?"

"Nothing."

"Boxers."

Aaand once more with the speaking at the same time. I don't know if it's more or less jarring when they say different things as opposed to being synced up with the same words in their mouth.

"Okay, well she definitely doesn't wear nothing in her school uniform or when wearing skirts. Obviously. That is a disaster waiting to happen." A catastrophic one, at that. "Wait… I don't remember thinking about this topic before." I lean back in the chair and fold my arms across my chest. My gaze travels up and to the left, and my lips morph into something resembling an unsure expression. "Have I? Why is this even a topic of conversation?"

"Well it doesn't exactly take a rocket scientist to come up with alternate answers." Oh, nice. Now the boy sounds sure of himself. I can't help but look at him with an expression that reeks of, 'Really?'

"And let's all be honest here: would you put it past Sayori to wildly vary what she wears under her skirt or pants? Or to exclusively wear boxers, or something that isn't panties?" Again, the girl is asking the hard-hitting questions.

"I suppose not. She can be plenty unpredictable." My girlfriend and my best friend are the same person, and I'm mentally debating with myself in a three-way conversation about the philosophies behind her underpants. This is incredibly silly. So much for being more focused when in these dreams. "Okay, enough of that. Back to what I was saying. I may be trying, but I'm not necessarily going to be happy with the results. I've already chastised myself enough for not spotting things earlier, for not helping her earlier. Anything new that winds up with me being unable to help enough will make me feel like-" I stop short. My vision falls down a bit. I find myself leaning forward, my elbows resting on my knees. "…like a failure."

"You need to chill." The boy's tone drops a bit. I decline to look up. "She has told you that sometimes there is nothing that can be done. A bad mood may have no reason for its existence and just has to filter out. That can take time. Sure, you can do things to help it along, but that's just another 'sometimes' deal. And, this isn't just stuff she's coming up with; she's told you that this is coming from her therapist. She doesn't like it. You don't like it. I'm sure her therapist doesn't like it. The reality, however, is that this is the truth."

"Well, I…" I heave a sigh and lower my head further. I would be seeing the mundane magnificence of my tan carpet, and a smidgen of the nearer green rug overlaid on it, were it not for my closed eyes. "On some level, I know that. On a logical level is what it would be, I guess. From an emotional standpoint…" I shake my head and open my eyes. If anyone were to meet me gaze, it would not have been a happy sight to behold. "I don't want to see her suffer. I don't know how far back it goes that I've contributed, directly or indirectly, to her mental illness and her declining emotional wellbeing. I want to do all I can to help. Feeling powerless is a disgusting burden I don't want to bear."

"Tough shit." The girl's brazen vulgarity makes my head snap up. "You need to get over this. It's as simple as that. It'll take time, just like her depressive moods, but it's doable. Easier said than done, but doable nonetheless." She turns her body to the side, leaning forward. She keeps balanced with her near hand planted firmly on the bed. "Instead of focusing on not being able to help Sayori, try investing that time rationalizing to yourself and keeping your own mind from succumbing to illness. You can and should do your very best to help her. However, you should also figure out where your limits are and estimate where hers lay. If you pour your energy into a cup that has any number of holes in it, you are not helping either of you. When you realize that's what is happening, you need to pull back the reigns. Roman architects would have been lunatics if they went non-stop building one of the greatest empires in history! Even they had to realize when they needed to hang back and analyze things before proceeding."

"Are you… saying I need to be aware of when to give up?"

"You gotta know when to hold 'em," the boy responds, "and know when to fold 'em." Elaborate. I know you're going to. That can't be it, and I'm a little behind on following this train of thought. "Thankfully you know just enough about poker to understand what I'm saying to you. One hand is not the deciding factor in a given game. Sometimes you need to not overwork yourself, or in this case not push your luck or your wallet, until things lighten up and you have a better edge."

"It's not giving up. It's biding your time. If her depression is consistently throwing out- to continue with this poker theme- full houses or straights, you're not gonna combat that easily. Just stay in the game and don't foolishly spend your money. Wait for both her depression and your luck to flip around."

"She's right. One related thing to keep in mind is that Sayori isn't too keen on others going out of their way to take care of her. She will feel worse about that the more her brain is feeding her all that negative crap. Keep in mind some of the stuff you've read about. Even if she doesn't want to do anything, you can still be around her." I hear and see the boy let out a huge sigh. For being what seems to be figments of my own mind, they sure act human enough. Perhaps that's, like… a form you are comfortable with… sort of thing. "I guess it's different when she wants to be completely by herself, but you thought about the whole comfortable silence scenario just this past night. That's a perfectly viable option to be close but keeping to yourselves, you know? If she wants to be alone then so be it, but if you can help it you ought to offer her to stay in the same room and just each do your own thing. Maybe not the same room, maybe complete opposite sides of the house, but the point still stands."

This session of introspection has been well worth the time. I can't help but wonder where else this-

"???"

At about the same time, all three of us become attentive and peer around. Our expressions devolve into utter confusion.

"You feel that, right?"

"Yeah."

"Certainly."

That's the shortest conversation I think I'll ever have with them. There's… something. Something is around us. It doesn't feel threatening, but it is invading our spiritual energy, our auras. Something like that. Eventually, we are all peering outside the window behind my desk. We collectively feel a very faint presence somewhere outside. Whatever it is seems to have been alerted by us focusing on it. We can sense it start to move. We can't see anything outside due to the darkness of the night, but it is nevertheless repositioning itself so that it is hidden behind solid wall.

"I've never been able to fly in my dreams, huh?"

"Nope."

"Never."

As I suspected. Well, if their agreeing and my memory hold true, anyhow. The movement of this presence made me remember that there are two floors to my home, and all of the bedrooms were on the second floor. Almost as if to go right along with my thoughts, we feel the presence back away and move upwards into the sky. We lose trace of it, but the funky feeling lingers. It feels like something odd is happening to us. The presence's… presence is leaving its mark, intentionally or otherwise.

"Maaan, this shit is weird."

"You said it, girl. I think we will be taking our leave now."

"What? Why?"

"I don't think we have a choice. I feel… funny, and not ha-ha funny."

"I think that presence interrupted the stability of your dream, or the deepness of your sleep. There's something like that that exists, right?"

"I may have heard about it in health classes…? I really don't know."

"Yeah, well…"

…

Silence.

There's darkness all around me. Ah, it would help if I open my eyes. It seems to be Saturday morning. I've wound up on the open side of the bed while Sayori is on the wall side. A quick glance to my alarm clock informs me that it is indeed closing in on noon. As awareness floods my newly-regained consciousness, I recall last night. Oh, what a night it was. Sayori and I, we were in absolute paradise. I never knew making love could be such a heavenly experience. Well, I guess I don't know if that would be classified as love-making. It is also obvious that I wouldn't know about what kind of experience it would be since I'd never done it before. I had forgone thinking too hard about it growing up, to be honest. My lowered standards meant to me that if I wound up in a relationship, then cool. If not, no big deal. I thought it redundant to think about something that might not happen, something I might not pursue, so I never focused on that type of thing. At least that let me be free of any potential standards or misconceptions about how it would go.

I turn onto my side and see that Sayori is already awake. The lights are on, so to speak, but it doesn't look like there is anyone home yet. I'm too inexperienced with her to know if she has become a morning person or if she needs time to get going. She's on her back, looking up at the ceiling. Her thoughts must be active. I reach out with my right hand and gently cup her face in it.

"Morning, dear sunshine," I soothingly greet her, giving a little callback to the first poem of hers I had seen.

"Hey." Sayori's tone was distant. She didn't look away from the ceiling. She didn't even react to my hand touching her.

Oh.

Oh no.

She isn't even trying to hide it.

I'm surprised that terror does not grip me. Really, I should be manhandled by a sense of dread and regret not unlike what I might find in one of our collective nightmares. Somehow, I avoid it. Nevertheless, her response brings me distress. Last night, I had accidentally segued perfectly from talking about my feelings for the other girls into professing my prioritization of Sayori. After our first kiss, another word had not been spoken. We had become an amalgamation of gentle affection, kissing each other and only touching where it would be appropriate to touch someone in public. The conversation didn't progress. I had no idea what could possibly be going on in Sayori's head.

Right now, I was too afraid to ask.

I do my best to swallow not only my worries, but my feelings surrounding the other girls and the idea of trying to pursue her thoughts on last night's conversation. I'm not bringing that up right now. That would turn the focus to me, and I do not want that. What Sayori needs is attention on her, even if she fights me on that idea. I need to be delicate about this, and I hope the contents of my dream last night were not a premonition of thoughts or skills I would need that I do not possess. Sure, all that information would be useful, but I'm not fond of the idea that I may have limited clairvoyance. As it is, I've had too many instances of dreams being abnormal for one reason or another. If this pattern persists, I might need to seek an expert on the paranormal.

"I hope you know, now and forevermore, that you are the greatest angel to ever exist," I whisper, stroking her cheek with my thumb. My hand gently nudges her face so that she looks towards me. I want eye contact. I don't get it. She's out of focus.

"Thanks."

"You are so welcome, sweetie. How long have you been awake?"

"Dunno. Some time. I've just been laying here."

"Waiting for me to wake up?"

"Sure."

I feel it is appropriate to treat this like one of her "typical" depressive episodes. It sure seems to fall within the bits of pattern I've picked up on. The alternative, which makes me incredibly anxious, is that I directly caused this with my confession. I really, really do not want to think of that possibility. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt her.

What's done is done, however. I just have to press on. I have the mental fortitude to do that, I'm sure. It's time to show her just how well I can take care of her when she's like this. It's time to show her just what she means to me. It's time to show her what lengths I will go to in order to improve her mood, even if it just refuses to happen. It's time to show her love, so much of it that even the most diabolical of depressive episodes couldn't possibly let her think that she isn't worth my time. I am sure that's an impossible goal to achieve, but I can try.

"So, now that I'm up, what would you like to do?"

"…" Sayori blinks. Her silence is deafening. "Try not to think about how much of a burden I am."

Her words tear at my heart a little. I'm not going to accept this laying down, however. Well, I am literally laying down, but still! This angel needs comfort. Without saying anything, I reach over her and wedge my near hand under her far side. She doesn't resist, thankfully, and I pull her so that she rolls over on top of me. Her head is on my left shoulder and her head is facing away from me. The rest of her body is limp. It's as though she can't even muster the strength to show signs of motor skills existing within her.

"Who said that?" I know it's her brain, but I'm trying to downplay it. I take her right hand into my left and give it a gentle squeeze. With my other hand, I start running my fingers through her hair. "You're not a burden. Anyone who says that about you is an asshole."

"Rainclouds…" One word from her. Man, this is… well, this is depressing. She didn't even comment on my vulgarity. I was hoping she would. I guess I shouldn't have expected her to. I've not become an expert on depression in the past few weeks. Such a feat would be unrealistic. What I have done is read a decent amount on it. Maybe some of the tips and tricks to handling it are superficial but at least it's something to go on. I'm sure it also helps that I'm here for her and willing to help with these things, rather than her being at home alone and dreading doing anything.

"Well, then the rainclouds are assholes," I reaffirm. "We can do anything we want today. Go out, watch TV, play games, pig out on food all day… lay in bed together and do nothing…" Part of me isn't too keen on that last suggestion, but it sounds like the kind of thing she would want to do when she is like this. I'd rather suggest it so that she thinks I would actively enjoy it. Well, I would actively enjoy anything as long as it was with her, I feel.

"Nothing. You enjoy the day without me. I don't want to hold you back."

"Absolutely not." I squeeze her hand a little harder and run my hand down the side of her head. "We planned to spend the weekend together. I don't care if the only thing we do between eating and sleeping is laying here in silence. I'm spending time with you. I would rather do nothing with you than spend time doing anything else alone."

"You shouldn't be so honest…" Her head turns in my direction. Her eyes, with seeming difficulty, seek mine out. She blinks and returns a fraction of the hand-squeezing I'm giving her. "I don't want you to be bored keeping me company. It'll get tiring. You'll get sick of me. Please…"

"No." I cradle her face in my hand and give her forehead the most delicate kiss I can. "I'm your boyfriend, right? I love you. I want to spend time with you at all costs. You still trust me to know what's best for you, don't you?"

"…" I can hear her exhale and I see her nostrils obviously flaring out. She closes her eyes. It seems like I managed to get through to her a tiny bit. I'm only echoing similar things that have been said in the past. Her eyes slowly open and she gives the slightest nod. "I guess…"

"Good. Now, come on. Let's take care of some basic needs. We can come back in here later, but we gotta wash your face and have some breakfast."

"I don't feel like eating."

"Are you hungry?"

"…No."

I look at her with extreme skepticism. She may not feel like eating but there's no way she isn't hungry. I know her too well. Plus, it has been at least twelve hours since we last ate anything. I know I'm hungry. I take my hand back from her face and gently roll her onto her back, enabling me to sit up. Her right hand is still in my left. I lift it up to my face and give the top of it a kiss. Her fingers twitch in response. I'm listening for something. While I wait, I pay attention to her hands. They are dainty and fragile, undoubtedly just as cute as her. Her palms have a natural softness that remind me of her giving and caring nature, always willing to lend a helping hand. While idly playing with and admiring her proportional-length fingers, I hear a distinct growl come from beside me.

"I heard that. You sure about not being hungry?"

"…Still don't feel like eating."

"Sayori, I will feed you myself if that's what it takes."

"…"

"I don't know what it is. Maybe you don't want to put in the energy to even wield utensils. I can't chew your food for you, but I can cook it and I can help get it into your mouth."

"I'm not a baby…"

"No, but you are feeling like hell. I want to help that."

"Mrr…"

"Sayori." A slight sternness enters my voice. "If I was the one suffering, you would want with all your heart to help me in any way possible. You would beg to let you help me. Am I wrong?"

"…No. You're right."

"Please let me do this for you. I don't care if it doesn't even help your mood. It's time well spent. It's at the top of my list of things I want to do today."

"…Fine."

I exhale, giving her palm one last kiss. "Thank you." I'm not sure if this could be called progress, but I'm considering it a win. "I can try to carry you, if you want."

"No, I can walk," she responds in the same monotone she has been speaking throughout this late morning. I scoot myself off the bed and stand up, allowing her to do the same. Once she is on her feet, I wrap her in a warm embrace.

"You might not feel like it, but you still seem like an angel to me," I whisper into her ear, giving the side of her neck a smooch. Her arms don't move. Her head, on the other hand, rests on my shoulder.

"You shouldn't try so hard to make me feel better."

"I don't have to try. It comes naturally."

"If you say so."

I pull away, prompting her to take control of her head again. I look her up and down. This poor soul looks like she's lived a thousand years and not slept for a single night. I work to undo the disheveled state of her clothes. Her pink shirt gets straightened out. Her feather-patterned fuzzy pajama pants get tugged up, no longer low enough to expose her undies. I briefly remember my dream and give a hint of a smile. I hadn't paid attention to what kind of underpants she was wearing. It isn't my business unless Sayori chooses to make it my business.

"Much better," I say, smiling at her. She's looking slightly away, so I take the opportunity to kiss the cheek that is facing me. She gives me a slight glance, acknowledging my action before staring behind me again. My wooden shelving housing my TV, games, books I haven't touched in years, and miscellaneous knick-knacks must have looked very interesting to someone who had a whole bunch of negative crap going through her head. I take the opportunity to fix my own black shorts- I already know I'm wearing boxers so that's one less existential, universe-spanning mystery- and tug my white tee so it isn't bunched up under my arms.

"Oh, hey. Where's your meds? You take them with food in the morning, right?"

"Downstairs in my bag."

"Okay, good. Before we go there, let's get into the bathroom."

"Do you really need to do this?"

"Hey, I read that washing your face is one of those small things that'll help. I don't think either of us is ready for me to give you a full bath, so this will have to do."

"This feels like a waste of your time."

"Yeah, you would think that. You've got nothing positive going through your head. Just lean on the sink."

"I thought you said face. That's my hair."

"Just have to get it out of your face. It's a mess."

"Don't… say that."

"Hey, you just got out of bed. Of course, it will be a mess. Besides, I think it looks cute even while messy. It adds to your charm."

"…"

"Washcloth is all soaped up. Close your eyes."

"Okay…"

"I need to get this over quickly. The longer this goes on, the longer I go without seeing those sky-blue beauties of yours."

"You're just say- ack!"

"Sorry! I shouldn't have said anything. Didn't expect you to open your mouth."

"Ptoo!"

"Sorry, sweetie. At least I was just going by the side of your mouth instead of over it."

"Mm-hmm."

"Doesn't the warm water feel good on your face?"

"Mrr…"

"Is that the verbal equivalent of a shrug?"

"Mmm."

"Whatever works. Now to rinse."

"…"

"Don't fall asleep on me, Sayori. Almost done."

"Mm-hmm…"

"…There we go. Much better. Refreshing. I'll dry your face off."

"Mmm… Mmmph!"

"Sorry! Sorry. I'll be gentler."

"…"

"There. You can open your eyes again. I'll take care of the mess on the sink. Why don't you head downstairs?"

"Mm-kay."

"Aren't you eating?"

"I said I'd feed you, didn't I?"

"Y-yeah…?"

"I had a bowl of cereal while I made your food. Didn't you notice?"

"I wasn't paying attention."

"Alright. Well, here. Cheesy eggs, bacon, and buttered toast with milk."

"This is…"

"Hm?"

"This is stupid. What a waste of time and energy you could be putting towards something better."

"I told you, didn't I? This is what I want to do. I would waste, as you put it, all my energy on you as long as you were taken care of. Like I said last night, you are my priority."

"You're really gonna feed me?"

"Are you going to eat it yourself?"

"…"

"Do you have the energy or care to feed yourself?"

"…No."

"Then I will take care of it. Open your mouth."

"This is dumb… Mmmph…"

"Maybe it seems dumb, but whatever gets the job done."

"Mmm…"

"Did they come out good?"

"I guess."

"Not even your taste buds are treating you well? You poor thing… Here."

"Mmmph."

"Cheesy goodness."

"Mmm…"

"…You know, if I had my way, I'd be the one going through this. Not you."

"Don't say that! That's horrible! This is horrible! I would never wish this on my worst enemy!"

"Well, I would still rather suffer so that you didn't have to. Here."

"Mmmph… I wouldn't want you to suffer in my place. I would just feel bad."

"I feel bad now having to watch you suffer. So, I guess we would both be suffering together, no matter what. Another bite."

"Mmmph. Mmm… I… I would still rather have the universe punish me than you. I'm used to it."

"Just because you're used to it doesn't mean you should have to suffer over anyone else."

"I can handle it."

"Sayori, because of it, you…"

"…"

"You… You almost…"

"…"

"It… What matters is th-that you- urgh… is… is that you're here. I would do anything to protect you. If I could take this from you and bear its weight myself, I would. Now, here."

"I- mmmph. Mrr… I would still rather remain like this if it meant you don't have to suffer."

"Well, I guess you are the only person getting their wish. I sure can't get mine. Here, another."

"Mmmph."

"If I ever saw something like I did that night, or worse, I'd probably shut down completely."

"MMMPH! Slrr drrn."

"Sorry! I'm sorry. I'm… I'm just getting caught up in my own head now."

"Mm-hmm."

"You're almost done anyway. Um… Thank you for letting me do this. It means a lot to me."

"You're thanking me? You're the one doing all the work."

"Sounds weird, right? I know, but you allowed me the opportunity to take care of you when you could have resisted and just laid in my bed like a lump. Here."

"I guess you're right. Mmmph."

"I hope you're feeling at least the tiniest fraction better."

"I… can't tell."

"Well that's alright. Last bite. Here comes the airplane! Nnneeeooorrrwww!"

"…Am I 18, or am I 8? Mmmph!"

"I think 8 is still too old for someone to be doing that sort of thing. Try 3."

"Hm. 3. That's how old we were when we met."

"Yeah, and you couldn't talk right. 'Hi, I'm Sayowi.' Oh, that is the cutest thing looking back. I mean, it's still cute when you speak like that on purpose now, but baby Sayori is a precious little bugger. I'm glad we met that day."

"…"

"If I didn't know better, I would say you have the teensiest smile on your face."

"I can't see it, so I guess I don't know."

"Heh heh heh."

"…But I'm glad we met, too."

"Love you, angel."

"Love you too."

"Before we forget, your meds. Here. Oh, totally forgot about your milk while I was feeding you. Well, uh, you can handle that…? Maybe? I don't feel confident doing that for you between the meds and potentially getting milk all over you."

"It's fine. I can."

"…Whoa. I'm, uh, glad you can still chug a whole drink without breaking a sweat."

"Some things are automatic. Nothing that helps the rainclouds go away, but it's still something."

"If I forget, I want to ask you about therapy and stuff when you're feeling better."

"I'll forget, too…"

"Okay. I'll try extra hard to remember. You want to go back upstairs and lay down?"

"Yeah…"

"Alright, let's go. No, no, leave those there. I'll take care of it later."

"You want me to leave my mess on your table?"

"I interacted with it more than you did. It's my mess. No one else is around to be offended by it. You're a sweetie for wanting to do it, but I got this. Trust me."

"…Okay."

"Do you want to watch anything?"

"No."

"I'll just put some cartoons on, then."

"…"

"You getting comfortable?"

"It's warm in here."

"Well you did just eat. Your metabolism does that. Food transforms into energy, which involves the creation of heat."

"…?"

"What's with the look? Hey, I'm smarter than I look, you know. Just like how you're smarter than I know."

"That's really mean…"

"I'm not saying you're not smart, Sayori! I'm just saying that… well, I might know you better than anyone else, but you can still surprise me. There's no end to your intellect, and I will never get close to knowing it because you're so amazing."

"…Okay. I'm taking my shirt off."

"S-Sayori? Um…?!"

"I don't care if you see me in my bra. Natsuki says you've seen more on the internet."

"H-How would she know?!"

"'Because he's a boy,' were her words."

"…O-okay, that's more than a fair point… But that's different. This is you!"

"You're laying behind me, so you won't see anything anyway."

"Um… Alright, you've got a point."

"…"

"…"

"Do you think my body is ugly?"

"What?! No! Why would you think something like that?"

"It sounded like you didn't want to see it."

"Of course, I wanna see- I mean- I, y-you just- it- Aaagh. Gimme a sec…"

"…"

"Okay. Um. I just didn't expect that out of you, and I figured this wouldn't be an appropriate time for something like that, since you're dealing with this mood."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely sure. I'm flattered, honored, and privileged that you would want me to see your body, let alone allow me to."

"…I want to believe you."

"Grr… Here."

"…?"

"Mmmch!"

"Um…"

"A kiss to your lower back. Does that help?"

"…Yeah."

"Good. I'm glad."

"Um. I, um… What about the front of my body…?"

"Heh. Well aren't you clever? I-"

"What? N-no! I'm- oh, God, that sounded really manipulative, didn't it? What was I thinking, I-"

"Sayori, it's okay-"

"N-no, it's not okay! I tr-tried to pres-pressure you int-into somethi-thing you proba-bab-buh-bably didn't w-wanna-"

"No, sweetie, don't think like that-"

"I did though! I- I tried to- to get y-you to d-do some-somethi-thi-thing just s-so I-I-I could sel-selfish-selfishly f-ffffffeel better about m-mys-se-sel-self! And- and- and I shou-shouldn't ha-have…!"

"Sayori! It's okay! Come here."

"I, I sh-shou-shouldn't ha-have… Aaaah!"

"It's okay, sweetie. It's okay. Just cry into my chest. I'm here. It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay. I promise."

"Mrrr-hrrr, rrrrr…"

"You weren't being manipulative. Absolutely not. Wanting to feel better isn't a crime. You weren't being selfish, and even if you were, sometimes you just have to be selfish and seek out whatever care you can. I wasn't doing anything I didn't already want to do. I love you. You could have any kind of body and I would still adore every square inch of you."

"Mrrr, rrr-hrrr-hrrr…"

"Shhh, shhhhh, sweetie. It's okay. I've got you. It'll be okay. Just relax. Let it all out. I'm here."

"Mrrr… hrrr… hrrr…"

"It's okay. It's okay. I promise. It's okay…"

A whimsical moment.

I feel good. I'm just standing in my room. Not much is happening. When did I get here? The thought passes me by instantly. Nothing out of the ordinary.

My honey arrives.

There's no door to my room. My room doesn't look like my room, but I know it's my room. Nothing stops Sayori for waltzing in, holding a plushy in her arms. I've never seen her own a mouse plushy before. I don't question it.

We exchange a quiet hug, smiling all the while.

What a beautiful moment this is. Her and I are together. We engage in silly nonsense. She tucks the plushy into the front of my shirt. The arms and head of it are sticking out of my collar. We giggle and join hands, spinning around in the center of the room.

Fun times.

We don't say much. We don't need to. After you've known someone for 15 years, greetings are merely a formality, maybe even closer to a suggestion than a polite necessity. Even if we hadn't seen each other in a week, we could march right into the other's room and wordlessly join them on their bed. It would feel completely natural.

She's happy. I'm happy.

The Literature Club room is right outside my own. Sayori came to get me because it's time for cupcakes. Natsuki brought them in just because. Bless her little heart. They look just like they did the day I joined the club: like little kitten faces. Her attention to detail is marvelous. Yuri and Monika are already seated, paper plates and oolong tea set for all of us. Natsuki dispenses the cupcakes. They're as delicious as ever. Sayori practically inhales her first one.

At least take the wrapper off of it. Is it called a wrapper?

I take a napkin and wipe some frosting off the side of her mouth. She pouts. I put my hands up defensively, but she just uses her index finger to steal a bit of the icing on one of my cupcakes. What a butt she is. I let her get away with it because I love her.

I'd let her do anything.

The girls all start talking. I don't know what they're talking about. I find myself unable to join the conversation. My voice is barely a whisper. My throat feels tight. I'm distressed, but not in danger. The clock isn't advancing. How peculiar, but at the same time how normal. I may as well eat my cupcake. Sayori gives me a kiss on the cheek. I smile.

She just wants to sneak more of my icing.

She's too preoccupied with her second cupcake during a lull in the conversation to steal anything from me. There's an announcement on the school's PA system. I didn't hear anything coherent, but the girls all stand up and usher me into the closet with them. Once we close the doors, the back of the closet opens up into a park. Sayori goes skipping off with excitement. Natsuki runs after Sayori, hands over her head. Monika jogs briskly after them. Yuri is much more reserved, walking steadily with her hands clasped together behind her back. I don't move.

These girls…

Something blots out the sun. It's a giant spaceship! The girls run back towards me. Even as they're gathering behind me, they're giggling as though this is all a game. Is it? Isn't it? The spaceship fires a beam of energy at us. I whip out a mirror from nowhere and deflect it back at the ship. The ship isn't damaged, but it lets out a mechanical whirring sound and leaves. The girls raise me over their heads and cheer. When they bring me back down, they all take turns showering my cheeks with kisses.

I could get used to this.

I realize I've been shirtless this whole time. How embarrassing! The girls feel my biceps and admire my abs. When did I get those? Is someone admiring my deltoids? I don't even know where or what those are! Someone strokes their fingers down my back and I turn into putty. I hear squeals. They think I'm cute. Sayori now has the mouse plushy and is having it kiss my face. The girls think that's cute. I think that's cute. Natsuki had cupcakes in her pocket that she's taking out. They look perfectly fine and not like they were crammed into her pockets. The school skirts have pockets? Now I'm wearing one of those skirts. I'm cute as heck. I beckon to Sayori for the plushy. She hands it over without hesitation and I hold it like a baby against my chest.

What a precious moment.

Monika grabs my face and starts making out with me. It's sloppy, but fun. Monika moves to the side and allows Yuri to share a kiss with me. It is serene and graceful. Natsuki is next. She pulls my head down for it. Her lips are so comforting even though her kiss is forceful and full of fiery passion. Sayori is the last, but certainly not the least. We touch foreheads before gingerly bringing our mouths together, sharing a magical moment.

The girls love me.

We engage in a group hug. I'm at the center of it. This is the greatest. I saved all the girls from sure destruction that lurked on the horizon. The sky is darkening with mysteries, but it doesn't matter. We have each other. They love me. They're happy. I'm happy.

Now everyone can be happy.

I stir. It isn't too much, but I stir nonetheless. Sayori is still curled up against me, face buried into my chest. I can still feel the wetness from her tears on the front of my shirt. This poor angel, having to bear the brunt of her brain running wild on her like that. She must have fallen asleep from overexertion, and I guess I followed not too long after.

So, today is a mess. I exhale less than gently and rub my sweetheart's back. Ah, right, she took her shirt off earlier. She is as soft as I can imagine skin to be, not that I've laid hands on anyone else's but hers. Well, besides my own, of course. I have no real reference point. All I know is that her brain needs to screw off. Maybe Sayori isn't as high on the scale of conventional societal beauty standards- she is adorable and precious compared the typical "ideal" of beautiful and sexy- but society's word doesn't mean a damn thing compared to mine. Maybe that's egotistical, but no one need concern themselves with Sayori's beauty except me. And her. Her and I. If I can help it, even she won't need to concern herself with how she looks. I will love her personality and her looks enough for the both of us. She is preciousness incarnate, soft as a cloud, and just an overall wonder of the world. How many are there? 7? Were there some added to that over the past few decades? 8? 9? She's the 10th, or however many there are, plus her. The point is she ought to not have to feel bad about her looks. She's an adorable angel and deserves protection.

I peer towards the small dresser that serves as a nightstand by my bed. Our phones are there. Sayori is the heaviest sleeper I know, but I'm not sure I want to risk rousing her from her slumber. Who knows if she sleeps lighter when she's like this, and it's not like this was a completely natural sleep in the first place. Emotion caused this. Negative emotion, to boot. We are close enough to the edge of the bed, though. I can get my phone with a little assistance. I grab the pillow behind me and reach out to the dresser with it. I use my phone more often, so I keep it closer to the bed. Without too much difficulty, I use the pillow to nudge it off the dresser and onto the bed, where it is within reach. I toss the pillow behind me and grab the glorious little piece of technology.

"That's the good stuff," I whisper to myself, proud of my accomplishment. Hey, you take what you can get sometimes, you know? I flick my phone into silent mode to ensure nothing I do will make a loud enough noise to wake her, even though the TV is still on from earlier. Task #1: don't wake the baby doll. Task #2: entertain myself. Before I proceed beyond my lock screen, I take a look back down at Sayori. I can't see her expression, as she's below me and facing mostly into my chest. Her right arm is laying across my waist. I hope she is resting well. Out of curiosity, I open up the camera utility. I switch to the face camera and, with some difficulty, manage to see the side of her face in the camera view. She looks quite peaceful. I would like to think that her earlier breakdown released a lot of built-up emotion and tension that was residing within her. I snap a picture, throw a caption praising her as my strong angel, and upload it to social media. Basically, only the club follows my account and I follow them, but that's all that I care about.

Hm. This gives me an idea. I switch from photo to video and start recording, aimed at myself. "Hey, Sayo. I know you'll see this later. I just want to remind you how much I love you and tell you how brave you are." I hover my phone over her face. Her gentle features don't have any tear stains on them from what I can tell. I'm glad. "You see this face? This is the face of an angel. She fights so hard to lead the life she wants." I bring the phone back to my face. "We both want what's best for her, and damn it all she is going to get that. I will help see to it. I love you, Sayori. Mmmwah!" I kiss towards the phone's camera and end the recording, not hesitating to upload it to social media as well.

Seeing her precious face got me craving a little bit of her. She deserves affection, and to be quite honest I am ready to give that in spades. I place my phone just behind me. Her arm is still around my waist. I slide my hand under it and start bringing it up towards my face. Her hand rests in front of my lips. I connect the two together and leave a small kiss on the tip of one finger. What dainty hands Sayori has. I'm such a degenerate, wanting to hold this hand with all my love. What would the club think of me? I dare to give the next finger over a kiss. So lewd! Another kiss. And another. Scandalous! Her thumb is last. Natsuki would accuse me of high perversion if she were to see this. Maybe I should stop and let her be. I did grab my phone for a reason, but now that this hand is in front of me, I feel compelled to shower it with love. Perhaps my sweetie will feel it in her sleep, influencing her dreams. Maybe I will just give each finger another kiss. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Hmm… Mwah! Maybe- mwah- another… mwah… dozen… mwah… each…

BZZZT!

I get the hell scared out of me and jerk suddenly, surprised. Sayori's phone was on silent, but that didn't stop its vibration from making way more noise on my dresser than it had any right to. I quell my accelerated heart and come back down from the jolt. Unfortunately, the overpowered noise of Sayori's phone combined with my startled reaction led Sayori herself to respond to the stimuli. My TV's automatic inactivity timer must have caused it to turn off while I wasn't paying attention, helping the phone's noise stand out. How long was I giving my gentle affections to her? Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. I feel it slip out of my loose grip as she takes cognitive control of her body.

"Mmm…" Sayori hums, becoming aware of her surroundings. It seems she is awake. I silently curse her phone and turn my attention down to the angel herself. She is slowly nudging herself up to be face-to-face with me. "Hey there…"

"Hey, yourself," I respond. My left hand comes up to brush at some of the hair surrounding her face. "You've been awake for 10 seconds, but you still look as gorgeous as ever."

"Hmm…!" Sayori gently shoves me with the ends of her fingers and lets out an airy, one-syllable chuckle. It's one of those things where a hum is crossed with a sudden momentary exhalation through your nostrils. "Silly…"

"I get it from you." With a cheeky smile, I lean forward and plant the gentlest of kisses onto her forehead, not minding the fact that her bangs are in the way. When I lean back so that my head isn't craned forward, I find that her eyes are closed. She is closing in on my shoulder and rests her face in the crook of my neck. I'm relieved that she has shown more animation in this past minute than she did all morning.

"Mm-hmm…" Sayori's response is a whimsical hum of confirmation. The miniscule vibrations of her lips against my skin cause me to twitch for just a moment. I bring my left arm up and around her shoulders, and I lean into her for additional comfort.

"I'm sorry about waking you. Your phone went off. Silent, my butt. Its vibrations were louder than a jet engine. I nearly jumped out of my skin!" My soft exclamation causes her to let out another airy giggle. It's barely audible, but this time it's her breath against my skin that causes me to squirm.

"I should check that…" Every sentence out of Sayori's mouth, full or partial, leaks fatigue. No surprise there. She did pass out from exhaustion, after all. I want to ask how she is doing, but at the same time it seems like she is content to forget her depressive episode. I don't blame her. She hasn't mentioned anything. She must know I was there comforting her the whole time. As long as she doesn't want to bring it up, I won't. My actions spoke for me, and I do not need thanks for offering simple compassion to my girlfriend.

I feel her lips on my neck. She lets out a soft noise as she parts from me. Kissed by an angel. I am sure I will never get over that concept. I mean, it has only been a fraction of a day that that's been a thing, but still. She rolls over to nab her phone. I slide my hand down from her shoulder to her waist once she is on her other side, feeling nothing but skin aside from a small portion of a bra strap. I'm not sure if I should have done that, but Sayori doesn't seem concerned. I pay it no mind.

Sayori settles onto her back and holds her phone above her head, checking whatever notification she got. I allow my hand to take up residence upon her stomach, rubbing it. She hums contently. From my position, I can see her near eye move on occasion, focused on her phone screen.

"Just saw the pic and vid… XD… You two are such adorbs… 3 exclamation points… Kitty face… Smiley face… Different kitty face…" Sayori reads aloud in quite the soft voice, still the leading candidate for tiredness incarnate with how slowly she is reading. I guess the message was from Natsuki. Sayori's basic description of the emojis used fit the Princess's texting style. I can imagine in my head the shortened grammar she usually uses when online, with "adorbs" being the only word that was inherently different when spoken aloud.

Hey, it's been a bit. I realize I didn't receive any notification vibrations! How come I didn't get a text? Natsuki is such a butt. She is very much a keister. What an absolute rumpus! Well, maybe she left a comment on the posts themselves but wanted to say something additional to Sayori. They are quite close friends, after all, while Yuri and Monika are closer. They say opposites attract, but in this case the "less mature" girls and the "more mature" girls gravitated towards each other more easily over the last month. In any case, maybe I will give Nat a hard time about not shooting me a text later. Well, if I even remember.

"Thanks… Nattie… smiley face… heart… exclamation point…" Sayori reads her response aloud as she types it, no doubt so I know what she's saying. Silent gaps between words or emojis denote her typing out the word, as she doesn't have the fastest fingers. Touchscreens can be finicky, and she never got fully used to them. Flip phones, on the other hand, she was diabolically skilled at texting on. Technology marches on, however, and Sayori had not developed the same skill. Even though she, like Natsuki, shortened her grammar here and there, touchscreen texting just didn't come naturally to her, and a lack of hand-eye coordination meant she could be plagued by a typo or 20 and have to re-type something. Of course, she sometimes would just not bother to fix it before sending, resulting in some truly outrageous comedic material.

Sayori's head turns ever so slightly as she lowers her phone onto her chest. Did she just- yes, she indeed placed her phone horizontally on its side between the exposed upper area of her boobs. I try to hide the fact that I saw this, but I let out a muffled guffaw through my closed lips. A scant smile attempts to appear but is replaced with a more neutral expression. "What happened while I was out…?" She still sounds tired. It's still no surprise.

"Oh, uh…" A sheepish grin spreads across my face. I didn't think about being the one to explain it to her, but Natsuki accidentally snitched. "I was giving your hand all kinds of kisses. Also, I may have used my phone to capture some good footage. Check your timeline," I explain, referring to her social media feed. She blinks at me in a surprisingly deadpan sort of way, cocks an eyebrow- the one I can see clearly- and picks her phone back up from betwixt her bust. Betwixt? I guess it isn't just my dreams that Yuri is rubbing off on. No, her colorful use of language is invading my conscious thoughts as well. I guess I should be thankful. I did tell Sayori that Yuri makes me feel more intelligent than I probably am, so it fits.

The trek to Sayori's timeline is short. She has more uses for her internet accounts than I do and is more involved with them, but it still doesn't take her long to see what I posted. "Sleeping angel is the best… She looks so peaceful… I could hold her in my arms forever… My big, strong girl... Fighting for her happiness… I'm so proud of her… And proud to be with her… 5 different heart emojis..." Sayori reads off the caption from the picture. The edges of her lips curl up. She plays the video next. I'm glad I kept it short. She listens to my words intently. I never thought my voice was any good when hearing it played back to me, but it's the contents of my words that are shining here rather than how I sound. I'm still cringing a little because I realized, after hearing her recite the pic's caption and what I said in the video, that I kind of said the same things between both. Oh well. They are worth repeating. The video ends. Sayori sets her phone down on the dresser this time and rolls back into my embrace.

"How sweet of you…" Sayori once again rests her face into the crook of my neck and nuzzles against it. I'm prepared for it this time and do not squirm. My left arm is around her waist now, rubbing at her lower back. Her right arm, likewise, is around my own waist.

"I try, Sayori. I try."

"You succeed…" Sayori places another kiss on my neck. And another. And another. I rest my head further into my pillow, put at ease by her affection. My relaxed state opens up more of my neck to her, and she plants a very slow flurry- can it be called a flurry if it's slow?- of pecks. Anywhere between what my shirt exposes of my collar area up to just under my ear are under a willing attack of softness. Man, this is absolutely… glorious! If only she could have felt the kisses I adorned her fingers with. Surely it would have felt like this, and she deserves to feel like I do right now.

"I must have, if I'm in the position I am. Lemme tell you, it's fantastic~"

"You'll have- mmmch- to show- mmmch- me just- mmmch- how fantastic- mmmch- it is- mmmch- sometime- mmmch~"

"I'd b-be del-deligh-delighted!" I will admit, I wasn't expecting something like that out of her, so it came as a shock to my system and hindered my ability to speak. I guess it's safe to say she is feeling much better. I'm glad. Perhaps that breakdown from earlier helped release a lot of built-up stress and negative emotion she had been holding in. So, was the breakdown caused by the depressive episode? Was that episode from what I spoke about last night? Or was it just a one-off mood not tied to depression? And if it was the latter, did my comforting her help that mood? Did it help her become more secure about my love and prioritization of her over everyone else? …Am I playing 20 questions with myself right now? I sure am. There is too much to ponder, and I will likely get no answers due to not wanting to ask. I'm afraid of accidentally bringing her back to that mood by mentioning it. I don't know exactly how volatile her emotions can be.

"Good…" Sayori's kisses stop littering my neck. She lifts her head and comes back up face-to-face with me, resting her head on the pillow. She brings her hand up and cups the side of my face in it. My own hand does the same with hers, thumb stroking her cheek. She looks like she is about to say something. I remain silent in preparation for her words. "Why are you so good to me?"

I smile warmly. "Because I love you."

"Why would you love a silly girl like me…?"

"Why would you love a dumb boy like me?"

"Because I've known you all my life…!"

"Likewise, angel."

"You didn't answer my question though…"

"I did though! Your answer is mine."

"That doesn't count… You need more reasons to love me…"

"Why, because you're mentally ill?"

"…"

"Look. Every decent person is deserving of care and love. You're not just a decent person. You're the most pure-hearted girl I could ever imagine existing."

"A girl of pure heart doesn't hate herself."

"A girl of pure heart looks out for others far more than she does herself, whether she has a positive or negative opinion on what she's worth. She makes sure others are more well-cared for than herself, even at her expense. You do that, Sayori. You do all that and more. It doesn't matter why you do it. What matters is that you do it at all."

"…"

"Let me ask you a question: am I your Superman?"

"Of course…"

"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?"

"Always."

"Well, if you were ill, I would still call you my angel. And you are ill. And you are, have always been, and forever will be my angel."

"…Really…?"

"I don't care if you feel that you are weak, or broken, or anything like that."

"…"

"I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman might."

"…"

"I can be strong enough for as many people as I need to, but I can especially be strong enough for you and I."

"…"

"Do you believe me, Sayori? Do you trust me?"

"…"

Sayori doesn't answer me with words. Instead, she leans in and introduces her lips to mine. We run our corresponding hands through each other's hair, cherishing the moment. It's not a short kiss, either; our love runs deep, as you would expect for a duo essentially comprised of childhood sweethearts.

In this moment, I can't help but wonder how long she has wanted to kiss me. How long has she wanted to hold me, to lay in bed with me, to cuddle up and do nothing with me? And I remained oblivious to it. Monika wasn't the only one to have an epiphany last month. Sayori was the crux of my own mind-blowing revelation. Monika still hasn't spoken about hers, but mine was definitely one surrounding emotions. I've revisited this line of thought recently, but Sayori truly re-awakened me. She helped me get back in touch with my sense of humanity. She saved me, and in turn I saved her. How harmonious. How romantic. How… poetic. Fitting.

The kiss comes to an end. Sayori places her forehead against mine. Our noses are touching. We can't help but stare into each other's eyes. She is seeing nothing but a golden yellow right now. Really, she is the one that ought to be associated with gold here. Sky blue is still as fitting as anything else for her. She is my sky, my world.

"I love you…" Sayori practically sighs.

"I love you too…" I respond, my words feeling like they were floating on clouds.

"You know what else I am, sweetie?" A gleam in her eye makes me wonder.

"What's that, angel?"

"Hungry!" With a swift movement, she leans forward and "bites" my cheek with her lips. "Nom!"

"Ack!" I'm taken by surprise yet again. It seems to be a recurring theme today. Though Sayori's energy spiked, it seems it was but a momentary thing. She pulls away slightly, and I can tell that her demeanor is back to as it has been since she woke up. Still, I'm glad she showed such vivaciousness even for mere seconds, not to mention admitting that she needs sustenance.

"Ehehe…" Sayori's softer-than-usual giggle makes me yearn for her to be in an even better mood. I know it will come again. It will happen countless times, in fact. The way I look at it is that it can't happen soon enough. I take her hand in mine, give her palm a kiss, and use it to wipe my cheek where any of her saliva may have been left. "Hey!"

"Haaahahaha!" I flash Sayori a cheeky grin. She gives me a playful scowl and nudges me with her hand, wiping it on my shoulder in the process. I stick my tongue out at her. She responds by doing the same. I stick my tongue out further and more intensely, and she matches my strong spirit. "Nyeeehhh!" I let out, aiming to assert my dominance. Sayori, not to be outdone, enacted a plan I could never have account for. She leans in and touches the tip of her tongue to mine, causing me to jolt backwards, surprised. "Ack!"

"Ehehe…"

"…Haha, hahaha…" I have to admit, that was pretty funny. I ruffle her hair gently. She lets out a squeak. My attention is on her face, so I don't notice that my ruffling almost knocked her bow right out of her hair. "Whoops! My bad. I'll fix that…" Wait. Wait. Wait. "You sleep with this on?"

"I wear it always… Always…" Sayori seems peculiarly insistent with her tone, but of course she would. I knew how important her bow was to her. As far as I knew before today, she only took it off when she went to bed and when she bathed. Now that this revelation has occurred, I wonder if she even takes it off doing the latter. I guess it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't. She gives me a curious look. "You didn't see it earlier…?"

"Nope. Eh, sssort of? I was too preoccupied with your cute face." I smile. She blushes. "Plus, I'm so used to seeing you with it on. I didn't even think about it." I remove the bow completely from her hair. The segment of hair that it was attached to is easily distinguishable from the rest of that charming mess of coral-pink. I haven't seen this in practically forever since she never has it off in front of me, but the bow has a simple plastic clip attached to the back of it that lets it attach to where the wearer wants it to be. Age has worn the clip, so it doesn't close as tight as it used to. As long as no dumdum like me messes with it though, it will stay in place. I delicately take the segments of hair the bow belongs on, hold the clip open with my fingers, and reattach the bow.

"Thankies…~" I receive a kiss on the cheek- where she licked me, no less- as my reward. "Can we go get some food now…?" Sayori's puppy-dog eyes and pout don't need to be used on me at this point in time. She still likes using them anyway. I smile at her adorableness.

"Of course. Come on, let's go. Cuties first~"

"Ehehe…!"

Irregular heartbeat.

I know how this goes. I'm becoming even more aware. Even my speeding heart slows to its natural rhythm within a matter of moments.

I must be dreaming.

"Yes."

GAH!

I topple out of my desk chair like a goddamned buffoon. Muffled cackles greet my ears. As I pull myself to my feet, utilizing my desk chair for assistance, I notice that the Dream Twins- I guess I will christen them that officially- are already seated on my bed. They spoke in tandem again, and this time it seemed to penetrate my mind.

"Good job, Bozo!"

What's with the women of my life teasing and making fun of me lately? Her words also seem to focus in on my consciousness more so than previously. Well, subconsciousness, I suppose. Is this a side effect of being in their proximity more? They are literally figments of my mind from what they said last night, so I guess that makes sense. I pull myself up and seat my butt back in the chair.

"Thanks," I remark dryly, turning in the chair to face them. "So, things are… interesting…"

"Yeah," the boy says, clasping his hands together in his lap. His voice also echoes a little more inside my brain than last night. "You give us as a duo a title but not individual names?"

"Is this going to be a recurring thing, reading each other's thoughts?" I ask with narrowed eyes, leaning one elbow on my desk and propping my head up in my hand. I may have been able to anticipate some of what they said and did earlier, but they seem to have a greater aptitude for this.

"We are a collective consciousness controlled, as you will see." The girl wags a finger in my direction. "Better get used to it. We are one."

"On the upside, once we become more in-tune with each other, we will be able to go over things much, much more quickly. That is to our benefit. Our time is limited, after all." The boy lets out a disappointed sigh. I know what he's getting at.

"Right. Well, first…" I know you're listening. Come on. Read my mind. Tell me what names I'm giving you.

"Cee," the boy states.

"Em," the girl remarks.

"Punks…" I mutter, giving a glance to the opposite side of the room.

"I SAID get USED to it!" Em huffs, putting her closed fists on her hips and leaning forward. Even seated cross-legged, she still came off as at least a bit intimidating.

"Easy, easy! I'm just messing!" I lean back a bit and put my free arm up defensively, surprised at her abrasiveness. "Maybe I should have proposed En for Natsuki, 'cuz you sure sound like her right now." Em merely rolls her eyes and takes a figurative chill pill, though not without folding her arms over her chest. "I mean, how often are we really going to use those names anyhow?"

"Validation is nice," Cee says bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's the thought that counts."

"All of us right now are thoughts, and we count," Em adds.

"I suppose you have a point."

Being able to remember my dreams comes quite easily to me when I'm already dreaming. Funny how that works. Come to think of it, am I lucid dreaming? Usually you only become aware of being in a dream when you've become lucid and can take control. How disgustingly horrible would it be if I was lucid dreaming this whole time and was trapped, not realizing I could control things while the same nightmare plagued me over and over? Well, to hell with that. No more will I be burdened by that. Hopefully. Maybe when not in that horrible place, I could take advantage of any lucidity. If I remember that I'm lucid, anyhow. In hindsight, it's almost annoying how much was vivid about the earlier dream. I could live out my greatest fantasies in other dreams and not remember anything about them 5 minutes after waking up, but I get to recall the weird-ass, almost surreal experience I had while napping with Sayori in the afternoon. How peculiar.

I hear a chuckle. "What's so funny, Cee?"

"Your greatest fantasy right now is being with Sayori!"

"…You got me there. I ain't even mad. I get to live out my greatest fantasy." I give an enthusiastic thumbs-up in their direction.

"Rockin'!" Em beams while the two of them fist-bump. "Now, as you were saying- or thinking, rather- it is peculiar that you had a normal dream after going so long without one. The obvious thing to take away is that, while we can help you sort through your thoughts, our presence is not guaranteed."

"Right," I say with perfect understanding. "I had my usual nightmare 2 nights ago, and it was broken by your existence. It feels so strange now. It almost feels like it was a point of recovery for me. I wish I knew what changed. Did anything change? Or was it just my mind giving me a break? Wait-"

The Twins look at me with knowing eyes. They probably know what I'm going to do, but they have nothing to respond with in the interim. I stand from the desk chair and make my way to the bed. "At ease, soldiers. We have stuff to discuss. Let's lay down and get in sync."

I crawl onto my bed and lay down between them. They follow suit, and we all come to a rest. It doesn't matter who is speaking at this point. Did it ever matter? We are the same person, just from slightly different perspectives. I guess we are also slightly different temperaments, too. I'm more neutral, more like how I am in the waking world. Em seems to be more hot-headed. Cee is more relaxed. That's only what I've been able to gather from basically two sessions like this, though. I wonder why they are different like that and if it's significant somehow. I've got enough things to think about as it is, so I'm just going to store that one in the back of my mind for the time being.

"So, was my mind giving me a break? The only thing that has changed is time marching on. I guess you could say Sayori and I have grown even closer since the incident, but that's just another product of time. And what about what happened when I was asleep in the Literature Club room?"

"Alright, slow down. One thing at a time. To address the nap in the club room, we can talk about that but there's no way it was an ordinary dream. That will remain excluded."

"First, our debut dream, if you will. The nightmare you had 2 nights ago. It could have simply been a natural progression of time thing. The only other options… Either your brain has forced you into tapping into subconscious power and given you us, these figments of your mind, as a coping mechanism, or… the trauma has gotten to you so much that your subconscious mind simply… split. Fragmented. Basically, you got FUBARed."

"Ugh… Can't it be both the coping and the trauma?"

"I suppose…?"

"The trauma bit we don't like either, but we can't leave that out as a possibility."

"Yeah…" I sigh and bring my hands up to my face, rubbing at it. "I'm tired of this."

"So are we."

"You said it, dude."

"At least if it's both, I get the coping mechanism thing alongside the trauma. I just don't want it to be from trauma alone. I need a positive to balance out the negative. I have an angel to protect."

"And-"

"No. I'm not bringing anything up to the girls unless Sayori talks to me. I poured my heart out to that sweetheart. She knows exactly where I stand. I said all I can say, and then I kissed her. It's not something she's going to forget."

"Huh. Alright. We can tell you've made up your mind."

"I sure have. If this is a missed opportunity, then so be it. Well, I don't think it can really have been an opportunity in the first place if Sayori wouldn't have been on board. Yeah… That's right. It isn't a missed opportunity if I could never have taken the shot in the first place. I'll learn to deal with that. I made a preliminary move. The ball is no longer in my court. I tried, and that's what matters."

"You sure did."

"But you would still help and protect the other girls if it came down to it. They may or may not be potential lovers, but they are still your friends."

"…Yeah. I would. Sayori still comes first, but I will not ever turn a blind eye to their problems."

"Good man. So, after a month of suffering from almost the same exact nightmare whenever you dream, suddenly your brain is all, 'Well here's something to help assuage this whole situation,' and here we are."

"It's a travesty that we don't have more answers here. All we can really know for certain is that this just kinda… happened. If you had any idea, we would have some inkling of that thought. Unfortunately, dude, we got nothin'."

"The only thing we can stand by is that it happened at all, and now we are taking advantage of it. Whether it is a coping mechanism, trauma, both, or some other option that hasn't become apparent to us, we are going to use it to its full potential."

"Yeah. If nothing else, I'm grateful to be away from the nightmares. You could have come up to me and started spouting nothing but randomly strung-together words as long as it got me out of that cycle of madness."

"And we are all grateful for that cycle to be broken. To hell with that!"

"Agreed. So, there was that, and then next was the club room nap."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Not a goddamn clue, huh?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Wait. Isn't there something, like… ugh, something about being able to travel outside your body? I don't even know what it's called."

"That sounds familiar, dude. You may be onto something. But, wouldn't that require purposeful intent? You can't just do that accidentally, can you?"

"Not a gosh-darned clue."

"Cute, Cee. Real cute. I hear you making fun of me. I'm right here. We share the same thought processes!"

"Don't take it so personally, Em. I'm just teasing you."

"Oh, holy crap. Are you two, you two who are literal parts of me, about to get into it with each other? How?! We're the same person!"

"Erm…"

"Well, you know how people don't always like parts of themselves?"

"…Oh. Oh. Great. I'm glad I- I'm glad I learned about that. Makes me hopeful for my future."

"Eeehhh… Yeah, that's an appropriate reaction."

"Sorry to be the progenitor of that."

"Progenitor? If I'm Natsuki, you're Yuri, Cee."

"Well I am more collected."

"I'll give you something to collect."

"Oh for- okay, back to the task at hand. We have a faint thought on what that club room nap might have been, but we don't have anything else. This morning is the next stop. The only thing out of the ordinary is that presence. It didn't feel malicious, so what's the deal?"

"That one is out of my realm of understanding."

"Yeah, I gotta say I'm even less sure about that."

"Okay. Cool, cool. So, barring this dream, the last one to look at is the one I had this afternoon. That had to be the most normal dream I've had in what feels like decades. The most significant things were that I was greeted early by Sayori, I was enjoying the company of the girls, and I wound up saving them."

"I almost feel like analyzing what seems to be a regular dream will get us nowhere. We can glean literally anything from it if we look hard enough. The most obvious things are what we take away, and that's what you already said."

"I'm with Cee. If you dream about spending time with your friends, then either you clearly enjoy it if you do it frequently, or you miss it if it's been a while since you last did it. Sayori is a typical fixture in your life. The girls are, also. Instead of that last thing being something that's already part of your day-to-day routine, you pine to save them. It might be more from themselves than any outside threat like the dream had, but you want to save them, help them, nonetheless."

"…Yeah, that sounds about right. I want Yuri to grow some confidence and feel like she matters. I want Natsuki to feel cared about and that she has people she can be softer around. I want Monika to not be plagued by her reputation becoming bigger than she can handle. And, I don't need to speak about what I want for Sayori…"

"Totally."

"Agh, Jesus! It's even worse when you two do that right next to my face like that. Hey hey hey, stop laughing. This is not being at ease, you dingbats!"

"Haaahahaha, sorry!"

"Heeehehehe, can't help it sometimes!"

"You two, geez… Okay, so uh, is that it?"

"For analyzing these recent dreams, yes."

"Good. So, one last thing here. This morning we went over Sayori not taking too kindly to being doted on when she is in a depressive mood. I didn't seem to have too much of an issue with that this time. There was some persuasion needed, but not an unbearable amount self-loathing or resistance."

"That's good. We are glad to be wrong in this case."

"You know it, bro! Consider it a victory! It has been some time since her last episode, and things have changed even in the short amount of time since then. With how short it seemed to be, I guess those meds are doing well for her."

"Yeah. Good… Man, this is a lot to take in. I never thought I'd experience fatigue in a dream, but here I am dealing with it. It's a mental thing, of course, but still."

"Time to take a break?"

"Yeah, for sure. Uh… So, I know we talked about having limited time and all, but breaks are going to have to be mandatory if we go through a lot of stuff in one session. If these things go on for too long, it'll become overwhelming."

"We completely understand that, of course. These things are for taking refuge from reality and collecting yourself. Were they to become stressful, that would be… detrimental."

"It would suck big donkey balls."

"Em!"

"Heeehehehe~"

"Oh, dear lord, I synced up my laughter with hers by accident. Is that going to be a thing now?!"

"Oy vey… I guess so."

"I will have to brace for that. Okay, so Cee has been influenced by Yuri and Monika's personalities: professional, reserved, and straight-laced. Em has been influenced by Sayori and Natsuki's personalities: fiery, mischievous, and unapologetic."

"Unapologetic?"

"Sayori is always unapologetically cheerful. Natsuki is always unapologetically honest. Something like that stuff. You know what I mean."

"She will get it in a moment, if she doesn't already."

"Right. Anyhow, um… Since I need a break from all this, can I just… end it at will?"

"Pfft, you can try, dude."

"I wonder if I will wind up in some other dream."

"Only one way to find out."

"Guess I'll just think really hard about this coming to a close. See you next time."

"Heeehehehe... See you next time. I see what you did there."

"Don't leave me alone with her. Please."

"Can't help you there, Cee. We're all the same person, so you're stuck with her either way. Later! If this works, anyhow. Just gotta focus…"

It's worth a shot.

…

I feel pretty rested. I guess there was nothing after that retrospective session. That, or I just don't remember it. No matter. I have Sayori in my arms. I'll just lay here since it seems early. Maybe I'll even fall back asleep. No guarantee I will dream at all, but more sleep can't hurt. The angel is facing me, curled up on her side, laying in my arms. Right where she belongs. I give her a kiss on the forehead and relax myself, letting her face fill my heart with happiness as I drift back off.

Recurring nightmares. Weird lucid dreams, if they were even lucid. Being outside my body, if that was what that was. Now it's back to normal dreams.

Man, this stuff is weird. Who knows what'll happen next…

End Chapter 4

Song lyrics are present in this chapter. In order:

Kryptonite – 3 Doors Down ("If I go crazy…", "If I'm alive…", "I'll keep you…" lines)
Collective Consciousness – Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance OST ("…collective consciousness controlled, as you will see.")

Doki Doki: Proof Of Loving You (Doki Doki Literature Club)

More options

Recent threadmarks

Aimless Shenanigans

Getting some practice in, huh?

Aimless Shenanigans

Getting some practice in, huh?

Aimless Shenanigans

Getting some practice in, huh?

Aimless Shenanigans

Getting some practice in, huh?

Aimless Shenanigans

Getting some practice in, huh?

Recent threadmarks