Donald Trump Plays Crusader Kings 2 - AAR [HIATUS]

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

OOC Disclaimer: This thread should not be construed in any way as supporting Donald Trump's nomination for POTUS. This is a work of low-effort satire and caricature meant to entertain myself and anybody who wishes to be entertained by it.

Regardless of politics, it cannot be denied that Donald Trump is a figure rich in comedy value. The hair style, the rhetoric, the manner of speech of Donald Trump is so over-the-top that a person cannot help but question whether or not he is serious in his current platform. The thought of Trump becoming POTUS, for me, is like the slapstick value of your neighbour's house being burnt down.

Playstyle:

• We will be playing a Merchant Republic Patrician of a King-tier Serene Republic. The United States is a Republic and despite all the Emperor Trump memes, we need some element of "republican" political intrigue. The last time I played a Duke-tier Republic, there was a nasty bug that converted me to feudal.
• Whenever possible, we will build FORTS. "We're going to have a big beautiful wall."
• Assuming sufficient money to waste, we will BUILD WALLs in baronies, cities and castles.
• We will play according to Trump's 2016 platform. We will "take out their families"; we will execute family members if possible, even if there is a 50% heir warscore bonus.
• Raid = YOU'RE FIRED. Also, barbarians are the meme equivalent of immigrants. Any raiding will mean an excuse for war.
• We will repeat ourselves. We will repeat ourselves.
• Trade war NAO!

Campaign goals:

• BUILD WALLS
• THEODOSIAN WALLS
• GET THE BEAUTY OF BEING RICH (20000 gold)
• HOLY WAR AGAINST AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE
• REACH INDIA AND MAKE TRADE THERE

So without further ado, I present to you: DONALD TRUMP PLAYS CRUSADER KINGS 2 - AAR.

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

reserved

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

also reserved

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

Rolling for start date. I don't have Charlemagne, but 1 is Old Gods and 4 is Hundred Years War.

Old Gods it is.

[dice]6234[/dice]

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

I will randomly cycle through until I either get a Patrician Vassal or an Indepedent Tribal.

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

Eirikr of Hordaland

Spoiler

Spoiler: Germanic pagan features

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

The year is 867 "Year of the Lord" in the datekeeping of the outlanders. Eirikr of Hordaland is ruler of Hordaland, a thrifty clerk, arbitrary, envious, lustful glutton.

Spoiler

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

And I lost to a Subjugation war and lost all of my land in the most cuckolded way possible.

I had a 50% war score on subjugating Denmark but then lost as some tribal countoccupied all of my holdings.

Re-rolling

 

[Visual Pun]

So, basically Trump: The Military School years.

Same thing as Military service, right? That's enough experience to be Commander in Chief now, totally.

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

So, basically Trump: The Military School years.

Same thing as Military service, right? That's enough experience to be Commander in Chief now, totally.

Click to shrink...

? I don't get that comment.

Anyways, rolling for new start date.
[dice]6237[/dice]

 

[Reinhard Von Lohengramm]

Got Patrician Vitale of Faliero

EDIT: In hindsight, starting this thread late at mindight when my thoughts weren't clear was a bad idea. I have 5 hours of examinations in the next two weeks and a major assignment is due. This is now on hiatus.

I should be making new threads to fill a perceive empty void in my life. Sorry.