Lightwhispers
Know what you're doing yet?
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2014
- Messages
- 111
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- 1,367
This is a lot of words for "I don't like your writing style". A bunch of us here *do* like it, so if you find it that offensive, I'd suggest hitting "ignore thread" and moving on.I also find you tend to be needlessly verbose, telling in paragraphs what can be said in sentences. Making the issue more glaring is a significant amount of fluff, autism-level tell-not-show worldbuilding, and digressions not quite at Victor Hugo's level, to the point where I can skip entire paragraphs without missing anything. Work on that editing and trim the blubber hard. The plot advancement is glacial because of it and there's little actual content that doesn't read like a wiki entry, though what is there is good. Some of that is the nature of world-building, but it needs to be broken down into more relevant chunks, and not giving the readers what is essentially the entire abridged history of the Confederation unless the parts are actively relevant.
Here is one of the more egregious examples. She recognizes, Honor Harrington, then goes on a massive digression tangently related to it that just goes on and on and on. Most of it we didn't really need to know, and it could have easily been cut down into a single paragraph.
You're not a bad writer, you just need an actual plan, an outline, and to stick to it. Don't bombard the reader under worldbuilding, it's like salt, everything needs it, but once you reach a point it turns everything into a salt lick. Show don't tell.
Also, can the Starcraft digression be taken somewhere else? It's gone far past "could be relevant".