Gacha Harem King DxD

[Isano]

Commission for Deus Ex Mima
The sun hung low in the sky bathing Kuoh Academy in a warm golden glow. The air was filled with the sounds of beautiful girls living their youth. Tennis balls thwacked against rackets, sneakers squeaked on the track, and the distant splash of the swimming club echoed from the poolside. Students roamed the school grounds, enjoying their after-school activities, scattered across the school grounds engaged in their respective clubs with focus and passion.

Except for three.

Near the girl's kendo club changing room behind the gym building, nestled deep in the shadows of the bushes, a far less wholesome activity was underway.

"Hurry up, Motohama! You've been at the peephole for like five minutes!" Matsuda hissed, hunched behind a bush and sweating nervously.

"Okay, okay, just a little more... I think I can see a bra strap!" Motohama whispered, sweat beading down his forehead in anticipation.

"Move over, dammit! You've hogged the peephole long enough!" Issei hissed, trying to push his friend aside with one hand.

"I called dibs on Thursdays!" Motohama snapped back. "It's in the pervert pact!"

"You can't just dibs a day, you lecherous bastard!"

"You don't even see anything through those lenses anyway!"

Off to the side, crouched low but not particularly stealthy, Issei Hyoudou rolled his eyes and whispered urgently. "Guys, guys, shut up! We'll get caught if you keep—!"

Too late.

Behind them, various shadows fell over the trio.

A voice, low and terrifying, cut through the air like a sword through paper, sending a chill that ran down Issei's spine.

"...You three have exactly ten seconds to explain what you're doing."

That voice. Issei didn't need to look. He knew that voice like the back of his hand. He turned around slowly, dread pooling in his stomach.

There, standing tall with shinai in hand and death in her eyes, was Murayama, vice-captain of the girls' kendo club. Her shoulder-length brown hair was tied back in a tight ponytail, and her glare could have turned a lesser man to stone.

Beside her stood Katase, smiling sweetly—but with a twitch in her eye that spoke of barely-contained murder.

Behind them, the entire kendo team stood in formation, shinai at the ready.

Matsuda, who had won in looking through the peephole, froze. Motohama whimpered audibly.

Issei could only whisper, "We're dead."

Matsuda whimpered. "W-We can explain—!"

Motohama threw his notepad into a bush. "This was Issei's idea!"

Issei pointed at them both. "I TOLD YOU IDIOTS TO SHUT UP!"

Katase cracked her knuckles. "You know, I was just telling the girls how we needed more practice swings today."

Murayama raised her shinai, voice calm. "I think thirty hits each should be enough."

The trio didn't wait for clarification.

"RUUUUUUUN!" Matsuda screamed.

Too slow.

The kendo club descended upon them like a storm of vengeance. Screams echoed across the courtyard. Shinai met flesh. Dust clouds erupted.

"MY GLASSES—!"

"NOT THE FACE!

"OH GODS IT HURTS!"

From across the track field, a group of freshmen paused their running drills and looked over in confusion.

"…Do they do this every week?" one asked.

"Yeah," the other replied. "Sometimes twice."

—------------------------------------------

In a far corner of the schoolyard, far from the tennis courts and the watchful eyes of authority, three battered boys lay sprawled across the grass.

Motohama gingerly clutched his ribs, wincing, his glasses cracked and hanging loosely off one ear. "Ugh… why do they always go for the kidneys?!"

Matsuda had a lump on his forehead the size of a rice ball and his shirt ripped down the side. "Why'd they have to hit so hard?"

"Right?" Motohama groaned, readjusting his frames. "Katase said she didn't want to see us anymore. That we'll die as single, perverted losers…" He trailed off and looked down at the ground, the weight of the truth hitting like another shinai.

Matsuda sniffled, lips trembling. "She said I'd scare girls off for the rest of my life…"

Issei sat upright, arms crossed, a large bump forming on his forehead but his eyes… distant. Thinking.

There was a long silence.

Both boys began to slump over in defeat, their eyes hollow like broken war veterans.

"…We're doomed, man." Matsuda gave a loud, dramatic sniff. "We will never be a man girls would want."

"We'll never know the soft touch of love. Just the cold sting of rejection."

Issei sat quietly at first, arms crossed and head lowered, scuffed and sore like the rest. But then. His fingers clenched. His jaw tightened. And something inside him—some unyielding, stupidly optimistic, horny flame—flared to life.

"No…"

Matsuda looked up. "Huh?"

Issei stood. "No!"

Motohama squinted. "Bro?"

Issei took two steps forward, then threw his arms to the sky.

"NOOOOOO!!! I REFUSE TO DIE ALONE!!"

He clenched his fists to the heavens, bruised knuckles trembling.

"I WILL BECOME HAREM KING!!"

A bird took off from a nearby branch.

The breeze carried his voice across the schoolyard.

The girls around the track field all turned in unison.

There was silence.

Then one girl blinked. "Was that Hyoudou?"

"Ugh, gross."

"Creep."

"Is he seriously yelling that out loud?"

One girl cringed so hard she almost tripped.

Issei stood proud.

He didn't care.

His heart burned with conviction. Even as blood ran down his nose, even as his dignity fled into the sunset, he believed.

Motohama, for all his bruises and cracked pride, stared at him with something akin to awe. "He's serious…"

Matsuda wiped a tear. "The dude never gives up…"

The two looked at each other. A spark returned to their eyes.

"…Let's never stop dreaming," Matsuda said.

"…Even if it's delusional and mostly illegal," Motohama added.

Then they both stood, fists clenched.

"TO THE FUTURE!" they declared together.

The trio high-fived with the power of shared delusion and a complete lack of shame.

Then Matsuda paused. "So… what now?"

Then Motohama cleared his throat. "So… uh, you guys wanna come over later? I just downloaded some very rare videos. Magical girls. With plot."

Matsuda perked up. "Sweet! Count me in—"

"Pass," Issei interrupted, raising a hand. "My mom's making grilled chicken tonight. No way I'm missing that."

Matsuda groaned. "Lucky…"

Motohama adjusted his glasses. "Fine. Enjoy your family dinner, traitor."

"Gladly." Issei grinned, already thinking of the crispy skin and soy-garlic glaze waiting for him.

The trio started walking toward the gates.

"Later, guys!" Issei waved.

"See you guys tomorrow." Matsuda called.

"Alright, guess I'll head home too," Motohama shrugged. "I need to re-glue the left temple of my glasses."

With that, the three went their separate ways under the orange hue of the setting sun.

None of them knew that Issei's bold declaration had reached ears far beyond the school grounds.

Ears that did not belong to anything of this world.

And something stirred in the void beyond space and time… Very amused.

—----------------------
The scent of grilled chicken wafted warmly through the small, cozy kitchen of the Hyoudou household.

Issei Hyoudou, resident pervert, high school student, and self-proclaimed future Harem King, was living his best life—at least for tonight.

"Ahhhh—this is the good stuff." Issei sighed, slumping back in his chair, a second helping of chicken still half-stuffed in his mouth. He chewed lazily, his grin wide, his eyes half-lidded in satisfaction.

His mom, a kind-looking woman with a soft bob cut and gentle eyes, giggled from across the table. "You're going to get fat, you know."

"I'll burn it off," Issei mumbled, words muffled by chicken.

His dad gave a chuckle, lifting a piece of thigh with his chopsticks. "Let the boy enjoy it. He's growing."

And then—just as Issei reached for a third helping—the world stopped.

The moment his fingers brushed the plate, a strange pressure prickled the air. His breath caught. His muscles stiffened. When he looked around he noticed that his parents were frozen in place with them holding chopsticks close to their mouths. "Uh… Mom? Dad?"

Nothing.

And then came the voice.

"Your wish... has amused me." The words sliced through the frozen moment like an echo from beneath the ocean.

Issei choked violently on the piece of chicken he was eating. "Glrk—wha?!"

His vision blurred, panic rising. But before he could even stand or scream, the air above the table ripped open with a grotesque, wet squelch. The kind of sound you'd expect from a stomach tearing in reverse.

A rift—violet and swirling, its edges pulsating like breathing flesh—hung above the dinner table. The overhead light flickered erratically despite time itself being halted. Faint cracks spider-webbed across the ceiling and walls as if reality were fracturing under pressure.

The air turned thick and humid, like the breath of something massive just exhaled into the room.

Issei couldn't move. Not from paralysis—but from sheer, dumb, overwhelming fear. His brain refused to acknowledge what he was seeing. A sense of wrongness pressed into his skin, his bones, even his soul.

And then—he felt something.

Something brushed against existence. Not seen, not heard, but known. A presence that slithered along the folds of time and space, brushing against him like a sea of tendrils made of whispering memories. In the back of his skull, he heard:

Laughter.

It wasn't human. It wasn't sane. It was the sound of galaxies collapsing, of prayers being swallowed by black holes.

And then the voice spoke again—feminine, silky, unholy. "Congratulations, mortal! You desire for a harem above all else was heard. Your soul radiates enough unholy thirst to rival a thousand cultists. A noble wish, truly. And one I can respect."

Issei tried to scream but only managed a strangled. "Nghhhhh?"

"I am Shub-Niggurath, the Mother of a Thousand Young. And I shall bless you. Behold: the Harem Gacha System."

A glowing black-and-pink screen materialized over his face.

[ Harem Gacha System Initialized. ]

[ Congratulations, host, on winning the blessings of the Mother of a Thousand Young. ]

[ First 3 pulls: FREE. ]

"...What," Issei breathed, voice dry.

"Spin the wheel, O Seeker of Lewdness. Let fate deliver your brides."

Before he could even move, the screen changed on its own. A roulette wheel appears on the screen, neon and spinning at dizzying speeds.

There were names. Hundreds of them. Maybe thousands. Each name was a girl. Some in Japanese. Others in languages he couldn't understand.

"Waitwaitwait—WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"

DING!

The roulette stopped abruptly.

Roll 1: Nyaruko

Light vanished. Then—

BOOM.

A massive burst of white-pink energy detonated above the table like a fireworks display on acid.

In the middle of the table standing atop the plate with her frilly black dress fluttering and chicken juices soaking into her boots was a silver-haired girl with a long ahoge, bright green eyes, and an impossible amount of energy.

She struck a pose with both hands forming finger guns, winking like an idol mid-performance.

"YAAATTAAA~! NYARUKO-CHAN HAS ARRIVED TO PROTECT HER DEAREST DARLING!"

Her voice was high-pitched, energetic, far too cheerful. Her dress was absurdly frilly, her expression manic, and her whole existence screamed too much energy.

Issei's brain blue-screened. He stared. "What."

She grinned wide. "Ooooh~ so this is my summoner, huh?" Nyaruko leaned forward, inspecting Issei like he was an ultra-rare gacha pull himself. "I knew you'd be cute, but this cute? Ufufu~! I'll devour you later in ways you can't imagine!"

Issei's mouth opened but made no sound. 'Did she just say devour—wait no she called me cute? WHAT IS GOING ON?'

Nyaruko beamed. "I'm here to protect you, flirt with you, possibly smother you with love, and punch things that annoy you! Possibly in that order~!"

Before Issei could scream or run or even question if this was a very cursed fever dream, she pounced.

"EEK—!"

She jumped from the table like a predator leaping onto prey, and in one fluid motion, tackled him out of his chair and onto the floor.

Issei hit the tatami mat with a grunt.

Then everything stopped.

He blinked up—into two huge, soft, warm mounds pressing into his face.

Silence.

The world… slowed.

He was being smothered by Oppai. Actual, full-sized, unfiltered, oppai. His perverted brain activated like a sleeper agent hearing the right code phrase. 'Warm… soft… they're real!'

For a full three seconds, Issei forgot that a hole in reality had opened, that his dinner had been hijacked, and that his sanity was actively leaking out of his ears.

He simply sank into Nyaruko's chest, muffling a quiet, blissful, "Oppai!"

Nyaruko giggled, wrapping her arms around him tighter like a clingy octopus in love. "My darling~ You feel even better than I imagined! And I have an active imagination!"

Issei's mind, despite being fried by sensory overload, briefly flashed to the on-screen text floating above them.

[Roll 1 complete.]

And just under that, in smaller font:

[Note: The summoned variant of Nyaruko is one hundred percent consensual, and the love meter is at 100%. Please enjoy yourself responsibly.]

He tried to speak but only managed a muffled, "Mmmph—" into her cleavage.


Soon the roulette started to spin again with each name passing waiting to be chosen. It spined faster and faster until it stared to slow down and land on another name.

Roll 2: Kaguya Houraisan

Reality glitched as a bright light suddenly took over.

A voice calm, delicate, yet condescending cut through the air. "So this is the modern human world? And you must be the one who summoned me?"

The light faded, revealing a young woman standing gracefully on the dinner table, seemingly unbothered that her shoes were next to a plate of grilled chicken. She wore a resplendent red-and-pink kimono layered with silken fabrics that shimmered. Her long, straight black hair flowed past her waist.

Her dark brown eyes swept across the room, half-lidded and unimpressed. They held the weight of centuries, the exhaustion of an immortal woman who had once bathed in divine luxury and was now standing in a suburban kitchen beside a chaos entity spooning a high schooler.

Issei stared from the floor, still half-pinned under Nyaruko, who was now aggressively petting his hair like a favorite pet cat.

"…What," Issei breathed.

Kaguya's eyes narrowed slightly. "I suppose I can tolerate your presence. I've been bored for centuries. So do entertain me, peasant."

Nyaruko stopped petting just long enough to pout. "Oi, I saw him first, you mooch!"

Kaguya ignored her entirely.

She took a slow, graceful step down from the table, her geta sandals tapping lightly against the wood and surveyed the humble kitchen with a regal disdain. The cracked walls. The frozen parents. The lingering scent of soy and garlic chicken.

"This home is… quaint," she murmured, as if trying not to inhale too deeply. "Your dining room lacks much. Where is the court orchestra?"

Issei, still lost in Nyaruko's cleavage, looked at his newest summon and noticed just how small she was.

Kaguya sighed deeply, folding her arms beneath her sleeves like a disappointed monarch. "If I must be your wife, then I expect at least a gold-plated tea set, a personal staff of attendants, and 500-year-aged sake at minimum. You should feel lucky if it was before I would have sent you to five impossible quests to even give you a chance at being worthy of being my husband."

The floating screen soon chimed again.

[Roll 2 Complete.]

[Note: Kaguya is 100% consenting, immortal, princess of the moon, unreasonably proud. Love meter at 15%]

Issei stared and stared harder.

Issei simply continued to look at her, hoping by staring long enough the little girl would transform into a busty onee-san. Unfortunately, no matter how hard he tried to will it, Kaguya remained her perfectly petite, immortal self. Not a curve in sight beyond the flowing lines of her layered kimono.

Nyaruko, still latched onto him, puffed her cheeks. "Excuse me, little girl. I'm already fulfilling the position of clingy, affectionate waifu #1!" She huffed, arms wrapped possessively around Issei's torso.

Kaguya tilted her head just slightly. "You can go around calling yourself whatever you want. But I shall be the formal wife, seeing as I am royalty."

Issei tensed.

Nyaruko's ahoge visibly bristled. "Care to repeat that, grandma?"

Issei tried to crawl away, only to be yanked back into Nyaruko's hold.

Kaguya's smile was small and terrifying. "I suppose you can be the court jester for me and my husband."

Nyaruko released Issei in a swift motion and reached under her frilly black skirt. "WHAT WAS THAT YOU SPOILED BRAT?!"

Issei barely had time to process what he was seeing before she whipped out—a bright red crowbar.

"WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT?!" He yelped

Kaguya stood, her expression unbothered, but the air around her shimmered slightly with magical tension.

Issei panicked. "NOPE. NOPE. WE ARE NOT DESTROYING MY HOUSE!" He threw himself between them, arms stretched out. "TIME OUT! STOP!"

To his immense relief, both girls froze. Nyaruko paused mid-swing. Kaguya blinked and released her hold on her power.

After a long, heavy sigh, Issei slowly lowered his arms and sat down. "Okay… okay. Just… what the hell is going on?" He turned to them, pleading with his eyes. "Seriously, who even are you two? Why are you here? And what is this 'gacha' system even supposed to be?!"

Kaguya let out a quiet breath. "Tch. Fine. I suppose I shall enlighten you, since you are clearly incapable of grasping the situation on your own."

Nyaruko rolled her eyes, but flopped down beside Issei, listening.

Kaguya's eyes softened as she spoke, voice calm and cool. "You, Issei Hyoudou, have been selected by a higher power to be the host of the Harem Gacha System."

Issei blinked. "The what?"

"The Harem Gacha System," Kaguya repeated, as if correcting a particularly slow servant. "It allows you to summon variants of women from across the multiverse. When one of us is summoned, we arrive here as a copy of the original, ourselves included, have consented to being part of this system."

Issei's jaw dropped. "Wait… you're copies?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "We're not the originals, but perfect replicas of them, memories, feelings, skills, and essence. When we are summoned, we are born with the knowledge of why we're here and we instantly know you're the host, knowing what's expected." She raised her chin slightly. "However… Just because we are summoned to be part of your harem does not mean we have to love you. Nor do we have to like you."

Issei flinched.

"I, for instance," Kaguya continued, "acknowledge that you will be my husband. But that does not mean I accept you as you are. I am royalty and I demand more."

She leaned closer, dark eyes sharp. "Still… the fact that a higher being chose you must mean there is something worthy within you. So… I shall observe. And train you to become a man deserving of my hand."

Issei didn't know what to say.

Then. "Darling~!" Nyaruko chirped, wrapping around him again. "Don't listen to the uptight lunar goblin! You don't have to worry about anything~! I'm already hopelessly in love with you~! And I alone is enough!" She nuzzled into his neck, eyes shining. "Your face! Your voice! Your smell! Your heartbeat! Your lust! Sweet, dense, confused, and easy to cuddle! Everything about you is perfect~!"

'TOO CLOSE TOO FAST TOO SOFT TOO HOT TOO—' Issei's face went red as steam shot from his ears. "Wh-Wh-WHAT?!"

"Ahem," Kaguya interrupted, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear with practiced elegance. "It doesn't matter how intense your obsession is. I will still be the legal wife. My beauty and nobility are unmatched."

That snapped Issei out of his daze. He turned to Kaguya, blinking slowly and said, with no hesitation. "Sorry, but… I'm not interested in kids."

Silence.

Then—

"PFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—!!" Nyaruko fell over laughing, rolling across the floor, crowbar clattering beside her. "Oh my gods! He rejected you!"

Kaguya's expression shattered like porcelain. She took a step back, utterly shocked. "Y-You… What did you say?"

Issei tilted his head. "I'm not into lolis. I like busty onee-sans. You're cute and all, but, uh… yeah. You're not my type."

Kaguya stood frozen, processing the first rejection she had received in centuries. Maybe ever. 'He rejected me? Me? Princess Kaguya? The immortal beauty of the moon? Men used to wage wars over me, and this… this suburban boy says no?'

"You…" Kaguya's voice trembled. "You're rejecting me? Me? The Moon Princess? The one whose beauty caused wars? Countless men prostrated themselves for a single glance at my face!"

"Yeah, well," Issei shrugged, "I'm not 'countless men.' I have a type. Big soft bouncy Onee-san." His eyes glazed over for a second. "And I'm not interested in becoming a lolicon."

Kaguya's hands clenched. "Why not?! What could you possibly prefer over perfection?!"

Nyaruko continued laughing like she was watching a premium comedy special.

Kaguya slowly turned her back to them, her voice cold and sharp. "Very well. Then I shall train you harder."

Issei flinched. "Wait, wha—"

She turned, eyes gleaming. "You will not remain an embarrassment forever. You will become a man worthy of my love, my body. Or die trying."

Before Issei could respond. Soon the roulette on screen started to spin again with each name passing waiting to be chosen. It spined faster and faster until it stared to slow down and land on another name.

Issei's head shot up. "Again?"

Roll 3: Evangeline A.K. McDowell

A column of light erupted in the room. Out of the light stepped a petite girl with long, luxurious blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore a gothic black dress lined with silver embroidery and moved with quiet, imperious confidence.

She landed softly on the floor unlike the other two, and immediately gave the room a once-over and her summoner.

"...Seriously?" She muttered in a British accent in a low, annoyed voice. "This is who I got stuck with?"

Issei was already kneeling from despair the moment he saw the next girl he summoned.. His eyes were wide with disbelief, hands to the sky. "Why? Why did I get another loli? I'm not a damn lolicon!"

The blonde's gaze snapped to him, ice crackling at her heels. "Excuse me?" She said flatly. Her voice had the weight of unspoken death. "Do you want to die, human?"

Issei paled and got up as he was being rude. "I mean—uh—welcome to my house?"

Eva narrowed her eyes. "Hmph. At least you know how to grovel."

Behind him, Nyaruko squealed happily. "Yattta! Another little girl. Less competition for best girl of this harem!" She did not see any threat around her as her darling had different tastes.

"Oi," Issei muttered, still pale, "don't say that like it's a good thing…"

Eva sighed and gestured with a hand. The air briefly got colder, and the floor beneath her feet started to grow ice. "I'm only going to say this once. You may be my summoner but that doesn't mean I will be your little wife." She threatened.

Nyaruko gasped, raising her crowbar again. "How dare you threaten my darling!"

"Touch me," Eva cut her off, raising a single finger, "And I'll freeze you, shatter you, and turn your remains into a snow globe."

Issei threw up his hands. "Okay! Everyone chill—wait, no, bad choice of words!"

Just then, the system chimed again, glowing with a soft final ping.

[Roll 3 Complete.]

[Note: Evangeline is 100% consenting. True vampire witch, deadly tsundere. Love meter: 3%. Proceed with caution.]

"I'll make this clear," Eva said, her voice sharp and clear. "I'm not here because I like you. I'm here because the original me thought this was the only way to escape that cursed school. So don't get any ideas. Touch me, and I will freeze you solid."

Issei quickly tried to pacify her worries. "That's fine. Don't worry, I'm not into little girls and won't force you."

Eva blinked. Then after a beat relaxed her posture. "Hmph. At least you're reasonable." She muttered, letting her frost magic dissipate.

Finally, as the system's task was fulfilled, the distorted world began to knit itself back together.

The rift in the ceiling sealed with a shimmer. The trembling walls quieted. The flickering lights steadied. The very air returned to normal. Time resumed.

Across the table, Miki and Gorou finally stirred from their frozen trance and blinked as they noticed the three girls that magically appeared around her son.

The room fell into stunned silence—until Miki's scream shattered it. "Issei?! Who are these girls and where did they come from?!"

Before Issei could even form a word, Nyaruko turned around with a beaming smile and a hand over her heart. "Hi, Mom-in-law~! Your son is now under my eternal protection and affection! Don't worry—he'll be very safe in my breast!"

Issei facepalmed. Gorou stood slowly, face etched with the look of a man who had seen war—and just now realized he raised a battle-hardened hero.

"…Son," He asked carefully, "is this… your girlfriend?"

Issei opened his mouth, closed it again, then sighed and scratched his cheek. "Not… exactly? It's kind of complicated. So this apparently cosmic being called the Mother of a Thousand Young decided I was worthy of this thing called the 'Harem Gacha System.'" He paused, glancing at the girls seated around the table. "They're… uh… multiversal copies of real people. All of them were summoned by this system."

Miki and Gorou stared at him with identical blank expressions, the same ones parents wear when their child tells them he's about to become a millionaire.

Miki blinked.

Gorou scratched his head. "So... you're telling us these girls were summoned from across dimensions to be your... harem?"

Issei scratched the back of his head. "Y-Yeah... more or less."

His parents continued to stare in stunned silence, their brains visibly buffering.

At the far end of the table, Evangeline rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "This is taking far too long," She muttered. Raising one hand, she flicked her fingers. A small magic circle materialized in midair, swirling with glowing glyphs. From it, a frost-tipped icicle formed, hovered briefly above the table, and then shattered into harmless mist.

The room instantly dropped several degrees.

Miki gasped. "That was—was that real magic?!"

Eva sipped her tea calmly. "Obviously."

That was all the confirmation Miki and Gorou needed. The gears in their heads finally clicked into place, and they chose the most natural reaction: move forward and act like everything was normal.

"…Well then," Miki said as she stood up, voice still a little shaky, "I guess we're setting extra places for dinner."

Within minutes, three additional seats were pulled up to the table. Plates of freshly grilled chicken were served to the new guests, steam still curling into the air.

Nyaruko lit up like a child on Christmas.

"OHHHH FOOD!" She shouted, grabbing a leg and took a bite. "Your world's full of delicious food!" She devoured her food with gleeful abandon, sauce smearing her cheeks as she hummed in delight.

Kaguya, on the other hand, sat with a dignified frown. She eyed the plate in front of her like it had personally offended her. "What... is this?" She asked, leaning closer without touching it.

"Chicken," Issei explained.

"I gathered that, peasant. I mean... why is it served like this?"

Issei smiled wryly. "We eat it with our hands."

"With our what?" she recoiled. "That's barbaric!"

Across from her, Nyaruko burped proudly and gave a thumbs up. "Tastes so good."

Kaguya looked at her, then at the food, then at Issei.

Issei gently picked up a piece and held it out. "C'mon, it won't kill you. Look, I'll even show you how to eat it."

He took a bite and grinned.

Kaguya glared... but curiosity got the better of her. With exaggerated reluctance, she picked up the smallest drumstick with the very tips of her fingers.

She sniffed and took a tiny bite. Then froze.

Then—

She devoured the rest like a starving raccoon, tearing into it with a speed that nearly gave Miki whiplash.

Issei blinked. "Whoa."

Her cheeks were messy, her sleeves miraculously still clean, but her pride? Gone. "I-It's not bad," She muttered through full cheeks. "For something so... uncivilized."

Issei chuckled and reached out, gently dabbing her cheek with a napkin. "You got some sauce here. Hold still."

Kaguya turned bright red. "W-Wha—?! Why are you so casual about it?!"

Across the table, Nyaruko paused, blinking.

Then, slowly, she smeared a thick line of sauce across her cheek with her thumb even though she was already dirty. She turned to Issei, batting her eyes. "Darling~ I'm messy too~ Won't you clean me~?"

Issei gave her a flat look. "...You did that on purpose."

"Yes," she giggled. "Now clean me."

He sighed and leaned in, wiping her cheek too.

Nyaruko melted. "So gentle~ It's like being pampered by a husband~"

Evangeline, who had been eating quietly with perfect table etiquette, scoffed under her breath. "Disgraceful," She muttered. "Have you two no shame still eating like toddlers?"

—------------------------------------------------------

From far away in another universe and dimension separated by space and time. A mass of flesh, the Mother of a Thousand Young giggled softly, watching from beyond the veil.

"He wanted a harem… Let's see how much he can handle?" Words that were not words were spoken.

To those wondering why this story was made. This is a commission for Deus Ex Mina. So thank him for allowing me to post this for everyone. And if you want you can make a commission for me to make your idea into a story but only for people at the emperor tier at my pat reon.com/orengeflame. Comment and tell me what you think and if I made any mistakes as these characters are sort of new to me. Kaguya is a character I have vague recollection of, so if she too OoC, I'm sorry.

Commissioners that continue to support me by being part of the emperor tier will get 3 chapters a month but for those that only pay once will continue to get 1 chapter a month. Of course the first month you pay will be an automatic 3

 

[Isano]

The Hyoudou family moved into the living room. The dishes had been cleaned, the chaos momentarily subdued, now it was time to question just who these girls were.

Issei stood beside his parents, arms crossed and brow twitching nervously. Across from them, three very unique girls sat on the couch.

Nyaruko was still bouncing slightly in her seat, humming happily and clinging to one of the couch cushions. Kaguya sat with the grace and poise of nobility, back straight, arms folded within her sleeves, her expression unreadable. Evangeline reclined on the far end with legs crossed, sipping black tea, giving side-eye to everyone with disdain.

Issei gulped. 'Why do I feel like I brought home ticking time bombs?'

Across the room, Miki Hyoudou crossed her arms, her expression dead serious. The warm, smiling mom from dinner was now the woman of the house—and she wanted answers.

Gorou, meanwhile, leaned against the wall. "Still not over the 'ice magic' thing," He muttered.

"That's nothing compared to having the world freeze." Issei replied under his breath.

Finally Miki stepped forward, her eyes sharp. "As his mother, I'd like to properly get to know my new daughters-in-law."

Issei choked on air. "M-Mom?! Daughters-in-law?! W-We're not even dating!!"

Kaguya didn't miss a beat. "Technically, I am the legal wife. The others are concubines."

Nyaruko waved eagerly. "Oho~! Mom-in-law wants to know more about me? I accept this responsibility with pride!"

Eva didn't even look up. "I'm just here against my will."

"Can I go first?! Can I?! I was the first to be summoned after all! Number one waifu, reporting in~!" Nyaruko chirped, bouncing in place.

"Please don't call my mom that…" Issei muttered.

"I think it's adorable," Miki replied flatly. "Go ahead, dear."

Nyaruko practically sprang to her feet and spun on the spot before throwing both hands to her hips and puffing out her chest.

"Okay! So~! My name is Nyaruko, and I am an eldritch alien species from beyond your understanding of reality! I work for the Space Defense Agency, specializing in Space CQC—that's Close Quarters Combat, by the way. My combat rating is top-tier in the multi-galactic registry!"

The Hyoudous stared.

Issei slowly turned to his father. "Did she just say she was an alien?"

Gorou nodded with the numbness of a man who had given up trying to understand. "She sure did, son."

"But you look totally normal," Miki said, blinking. "You're not… green. Or slimy."

Nyaruko giggled, twirling once. "Of course not! This is my human disguise! I made it extra kawaii to fit in!" She leaned closer to Issei, eyes sparkling. "If you want, darling, I can show you my real form~"

Issei's blood turned to ice. "...Wait, what?"

"My true form," Nyaruko said with the pride of someone talking about their favorite Halloween costume, "is a writhing mass of shapeshifting cosmic matter!"

Everyone froze.

Miki turned pale. Gorou stepped back. Kaguya's eyes narrowed in visible alarm.

Eva sat up straighter. "Honestly I kind of want to see it. For science."

Nyaruko tilted her head, and smiled brightly. "Oh, you don't want me to show my true form. Your eyes would bleed, your brains would invert, and your dimension would fold like cheap origami!"

Miki and Gorou took another step back. In sync.

Issei's eye twitched. "You're joking… right?"

She leaned in closer, her eyes glowing just faintly, eldritch light shimmering like a galaxy in her pupils. "Would you like to find out? If it's you, I promise it won't hurt~."

"NOPE!" Issei nearly fell over. "We're good! Stay cute! Cute is safe!"

Even Kaguya was unsettled. "And here I thought I had the most dramatic background."

Eva sipped her tea. "So you're telling us you're a cosmic horror in disguise, and your job is… what again?"

"I'm a Space Police!" Nyaruko answered proudly. "Think Intergalactic TSA, but cuter and with more punching."

She winked and threw a heart pose in Issei's direction. He turned beet red.

Gorou cautiously raised a hand. "So… what exactly is your mission?"

"Ah, excellent question!" Issei added. "Nyaruko?"

She froze mid-pose. Her smile flickered. "Uhhhh… I forgot."

Miki blinked. "You forgot your mission?"

"Well technically," Nyaruko said with a sheepish smile, scratching her cheek, "the original me is still doing it in another universe. I'm just the variant that got summoned here. But I'm sure it was super important! Probably saving a planet or two."

Issei squinted. "So why did you even agree to be summoned here?"

"Because I was bored~!" she declared. "I thought it sounded fun. And now…"

She clasped her hands behind her back, leaning forward with a dazzling smile.

"My new mission is to make you fall madly, hopelessly in love with me and become a real couple~!"

Silence.

Steam visibly poured out of Issei's ears. "W-What kind of mission is that?!"

Miki blinked, unsure if she should laugh or panic. "Well… she's certainly enthusiastic."

Gorou gave Nyaruko a slow, impressed nod. "Girl's got guts."

"She's deranged," Kaguya muttered, glaring.

"I'm passionate!" Nyaruko corrected.

"She's loud," Evangeline sighed.

"I'm devoted and all yours, darling~!" Nyaruko squealed, already glomping on Issei again.

Gorou clapped once. "Well! That's a lot. So! Who's next?"

Miki glanced between Kaguya and Eva with nervous politeness. "Would either of you ladies like to go next?"

Evangeline sighed, lowering her cup slowly. Her red eyes narrowed and gestured subtly toward the middle. "Go on, royalty," She murmured. "Might as well remind everyone how you're better than us."

Kaguya responded with a satisfied hum, straightening her posture with the grace of a ruler addressing her court. Her back was perfectly straight, chin high, eyes half-lidded in cold confidence.

Clearing her throat softly, Kaguya began, her voice smooth and imperious like silk-wrapped steel. "My name," she said with a regal nod, "Is Kaguya Houraisan. I am the exiled Princess of the Moon, of the now-dissolved Lunarian Royal Court. I am over thirteen centuries old and possess the gift and curse of immortality."

The room went still.

Miki blinked.

Issei tilted his head. "Wait, wait—you're also an alien?!"

Kaguya nodded solemnly. "A Lunarian. I hail from the moon. Though the other me, currently resides in disgrace due to unjust punishment and envious nobles."

"What punishment were you given?" Gorou asked carefully.

Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "For the crime of consuming the Hourai Elixir, the immortality potion, forbidden even among the divine. As punishment, I was first executed but seeing as I couldn't die, they banished me to Earth. And..."

She paused.

"…This form I wear—" She gestured lightly to her petite figure "—has not aged a day in over a thousand years."

Miki tilted her head. "So… you're like… stuck in that age?"

Kaguya sighed dramatically, as if the weight of her ancient grief still pressed down on her delicate shoulders.

"Yes. I am forever trapped in this body. But despite my appearance, I demand to be treated as the mature and powerful woman I am. Especially you, my husband."

Issei looked away awkwardly. 'She's very serious about that. Still not a busty onee-san, though…'

"Can you tell me more about you then?" Miki asked, trying her best to play along.

Kaguya raised a delicate finger. "Tea. Poetry. The pursuit and acquisition of priceless treasures beyond mortal comprehension."

Miki blinked again. "That's… a list."

"And your abilities?" Gorou added, out of politeness.

Kaguya allowed herself a small, mysterious smile. "I command the powers of eternity and the instantaneous."

The Hyoudous stared.

"Which means…?" Issei asked slowly.

She sighed, ever so slightly exasperated. "I can manipulate time."

"Ah," Miki said, nodding.

Gorou stared at her. "Like… slow it down?"

Kaguya nodded. "Stop it, accelerate it, anchor things beyond it. Time is my plaything."

Issei was already imagining what kind of wild power that looked like in battle. 'Wait, if she could stop time... would she ever let me sleep in?'

There was a pause—until Miki tilted her head thoughtfully. "Wait a second… Kaguya. Isn't that the name of a Japanese fairy tale? The one about the moon princess found in a bamboo stalk?"

Gorou snapped his fingers. "Right! The Tale of the Bamboo Cutter! That's it!"

Kaguya blinked. "What did you say?"

Issei perked up. "Yeah, it's like one of the oldest Japanese myths ever. You're literally named after—"

Kaguya's eyes lit up. A slow, smug grin curled across her lips. "A legend… about me?"

She straightened even taller, if such a thing was possible. Her expression now gleamed with arrogance bordering on divine.

"So even in this world. They know of the great me." She placed a hand against her chest. "I am not only immortal—I am immortalized." She turned to Miki and Gorou. "As I expected, I am the most perfect being and all should just bow before me."

Eva coughed pointedly. "Let's not encourage that."

Nyaruko giggled. "Oh no~ She's going into diva mode."

Kaguya nodded once, proudly. "As they should. Husband can't you see, I am the most suitable to be your wife."

"I'm still not a lolicon." Issei stubbornly says.

Kaguya whipped her head toward him, eyes ablaze. "I am not a loli—!"

"Still looks like one," Nyaruko chimed in unhelpfully.

Eva sipped her tea, unimpressed. "So I suppose it's my turn now."

She exhaled slowly through her nose, then set her delicate porcelain teacup down with a soft but firm clink.

She sat up straighter on the couch, her blue eyes gleaming faintly in the low light of the room. A presence filled the space cool, composed, and laced with a sharp edge of bitterness.

"My name is Evangeline A.K. McDowell," She said, her voice calm and icy. "Unlike the gremlin beside me or the space princess over there, I was originally human."

Nyaruko gasped dramatically. "Gremlin?! I am offended!"

Evangeline ignored her. "I was human… until I was cursed. Forcefully turned into a true vampire."

Miki's eyes widened slightly, Gorou's posture straightened, and even Issei leaned in a little.

"I've lived for over six centuries," Eva continued, tone even and detached. "And in that time, I mastered the arcane arts. I am a witch in full command of several branches of magic—ice, shadow, blood, and a few... darker things." She glanced toward Gorou and Miki. "I won't demonstrate those here. This house wouldn't survive."

"Appreciated," Miki said faintly.

Issei swallowed. "So… why did you become a witch?"

Evangeline's gaze darkened, her voice dipping with old venom.

"To exact revenge. On the one who made me what I am."

There was a pause.

"Did you get it?" Issei asked softly.

"No." Her tone was clipped, final. "And unfortunately it didn't end there." She leaned back into the couch, arms folding neatly. "While on my travels to kill the one who cursed me, I was betrayed. By someone I trusted and loved."

Gorou's brow furrowed. "What… did they do to you?"

Eva's eyes flicked toward him, cold and sharp. "He cursed me again. But this time he made me into a joke." She scoffed, a quiet, bitter laugh. "I was bound, physically sealed. To a school and forced to live as a student that could never leave. Watching time pass around me."

A chill settled in the room.

Even Nyaruko's usual cheer faded for a moment.

"That's…" Issei said, stunned. "That's really messed up."

"I know," she said simply.

"Wait," Miki said slowly, "So the version of you that agreed to this gacha thing…?"

Eva exhaled through her nose again.

"She thought this system would help her escape that fate. That it would let her start over in a new world, free of curses."

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

"She didn't realize only a copy would be summoned."

For the first time since she arrived, Evangeline looked… sad or tired.

"I'm not that Evangeline. I'm just a piece of her—cut loose and dropped into this insane setup."

Silence.

Then Issei, stepping slightly closer, spoke up. "Does that mean… you don't want to be here?"

Eva opened one eye. It glimmered blue.

"I didn't say that. My circumstances may be artificial, but I am real. My choices are my own. And for now…" She glanced around the room, at the Hyoudous, at Nyaruko being weird, at Kaguya prideful form, and finally back at Issei. "This is far from the worst place I've ever been stuck."

Nyaruko threw her arms up. "That's practically affection coming from her!"

Kaguya scoffed. "What a tragic tale. Mine is still better."

Eva rolled her eyes.

Issei, meanwhile, could only think of how sad her life must have been.

The mood in the Hyoudou living room had finally settled. With all three girls having finished telling their stories, there was a brief silence.

Then, as if on cue, three pairs of eyes turned in unison to Issei.

Issei gulped as he noticed all three girls now looking directly at him—Nyaruko smiling expectantly, Kaguya arching a delicate eyebrow, and Evangeline resting her chin on her fist with a calculating stare. "...What?"

Kaguya crossed her arms. "It is your turn now, husband. You've heard our pasts. We should know yours."

Eva arched her brow. "If we're stuck in this house and, apparently, your life, then yes. I want to know what I'm dealing with."

Nyaruko beamed. "I already know everything I need~ But I wouldn't mind knowing more about you, darling~!"

Issei frowned. "But... you three aren't actually stuck here, right? I mean, if you don't like it, can't you just leave? I know I won't force you to stay."

He hoped. Oh gods, he hoped.

Kaguya's sharp gaze turned on him like a guillotine dropping. "If I could leave, I would have left the moment you said the word 'oppai' in front of royalty."

Eva sighed, rubbing her temple. "As your summons, we're bound to you. Spiritually, magically. If you die, we disappear. End of story."

Issei blinked. "Wait, what?! That sounds like a really bad contract for you guys!"

"We didn't write the rules," Eva muttered. "Your cosmic sugar mommy did."

"Shub-Niggurath~" Nyaruko sang.

Issei's face paled. "Seriously?" Issei's stomach turned. "That's not fair to any of you."

"It is concerning," Evangeline muttered. "Which is why we're going to find out what's so special about you."

Kaguya nodded. "Eventually."

"But first," Miki said suddenly, from behind him, arms folded in a familiar mom-mode stance, "you're going to tell these girls about yourself."

Issei turned. "Mom—"

"No secrets or lies." she said firmly. "If you're going to be in a relationship, you start with honesty."

Gorou gave a thumbs up. "This is the secret to any romance, son."

Issei groaned. "You guys are way too into this."

But they weren't budging.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Fine. But... you can't freak out. Especially you two," he said, pointing at Eva and Kaguya.

Kaguya looked offended already. "How dare you assume I would freak out. Like I am some kind of commoner."

"Just get on with it," Eva said, sipping her tea.

Issei gulped. "Well, I'm just a regular high school student. Nothing special. Average grades. Average strength. Average life."

He paused.

"And?" Issei coughed awkwardly, cheeks going red. "I'm also a huge pervert."

Silence.

Nyaruko tilted her head. "Define huge."

"I love women," Issei continued if anything he started to get passionate with his answer. "Specifically... women with big oppa!"

Nyaruko squealed, clapping. "Darling is a man of culture~!"

Eva didn't react at all. "So you're a teenage boy. Not exactly shocking."

Issei blinked. "Wait. You're not mad?"

Eva shrugged. "I've met worse. At least you're honest."

Kaguya, on the other hand, visibly recoiled. "You my summoner?! Are a hormonal ape with aspirations of degeneracy."

"You said you wouldn't freak out!" Issei said.

Kaguya sniffed, arms crossed. "You'd better behave yourself around me, husband. I may be small, but I still wield divine might."

Nyaruko, however, leaned in, grinning. "You can touch me inappropriately if you want, darling~!"

"Don't worry," Issei said quickly, looking specifically at Kaguya and Evangeline. "I would never touch you inappropriately! I'm not a lolicon!"

The temperature dropped as the atmosphere turned frosty.

Kaguya and Eva both stared at him with slow-building fury.

Kaguya's voice went ice-cold. "...And what exactly do you mean by that?"

Evangeline's cup slowly lowered. "Explain."

Issei froze. "Uh… I mean, you two look young, so I wouldn't, like… touch you or anything!"

Silence.

Kaguya stood up, her aura vibrating with barely restrained fury. "You dare imply that because of my cursed, eternal youth, I am off-limits?!"

"I'm not a child." Evangeline hissed. "I'll have you know that thousands have said how lucky they would be to have me as a wife."

Issei held up his hands. "Whoa! I didn't mean it like that! I was trying to say I will respect your boundaries!"

Eva snapped. "At least stop implying we're undateable just because we don't have jiggling breasts!"

"I NEVER SAID THAT!"

"Your eyes did!" Kaguya accused, pointing a finger as she noticed the looks of disappointment whenever his eyes landed on them.

Miki cleared her throat loudly, breaking the tension. "Ladies," she said, smiling sweetly, "Why don't we give Issei a moment to stop digging his own grave?"

The three girls simmered down. Slightly.

Eva exhaled. "Regardless of your poor taste in women, there's no way a higher being gave you this power just because you screamed about having your own harem."

Kaguya nodded. "Agreed. There must be a deeper reason."

Nyaruko added, "Other than being totally adorable when you panic~"

"You're not helping," Issei muttered again with a blush.

Eva folded her arms. "We'll find out what's going on. Count on it."

Kaguya nodded regally. "Prepare yourself, Issei. We will begin experiments."

Issei froze. "...What kind of experiments?"

"Personality analysis. Magical diagnostics. Bloodline testing. Possibly some invasive soul observation," Kaguya said casually.

"And maybe some cuddling to establish emotional bonding~" Nyaruko added.

Eva rolled her eyes. "We will not be cuddling."

"I make no promises!" Nyaruko chirped.

Issei groaned into his hands. 'Why is this my life now…?'

—----------------------------------------

The door creaked open.

Issei Hyoudou stood in the doorway of his room, praying to the Mother of a Thousand Young that the girls would be merciful.

They were not.

Nyaruko blinked. Kaguya's eyes narrowed. Evangeline tilted her head slightly, then they all entered and froze in place.

Every inch of the room was covered in degeneracy incarnate: Posters of gravure idols in suggestive poses lined the walls. A mountain of Oppai Heaven and Milky Princess EX DVDs sat by the TV. Anime figurines—half-naked maids, magical girls with physics-defying chests, and suspiciously young demon queens—stared unblinking from the shelves. There was even a Dakimakura (body pillow) of a silver-haired anime girl in a wedding dress leaning against the corner of his bed.

The silence was suffocating.

"…So," Evangeline said dryly, "This is where dignity goes to die."

Issei flinched.

Kaguya slowly used her hand to cover the disgust on her face. "Unbelievable. You sleep in a shrine to perversion."

"I-It's not that bad!" Issei defended, arms out like he was shielding his prized possessions from incoming fire. "Please! Just—just leave it alone!"

Nyaruko tilted her head, finger on her lip. "Darling, is this how you express love? Through… figurines?"

"L-Look, I-it's just part of my collection! My personal treasure trove! You can't just—!"

But it was too late.

Kaguya daintily walked over to a shelf and plucked a DVD from it between two fingers like it was a used tissue.

"Big Bouncy Onee-chan Adventures: Volume 7." she read aloud, face deadpan. "Husband explain."

"I—uh—It has a really emotional arc in episode 4?"

Kaguya turned and tossed the DVD into a pile with disgust. "This room is unfit for living. If I'm to reside here, this filth goes."

Nyaruko nodded enthusiastically. "And you won't need these anymore, darling! You've got me now~! I'll pose in any outfit you like! Maid, bunny girl, spaceship commander—just say the word~!"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT—!" But he was ignored.

Eva snapped her fingers. "Clear the desk. Burn the mags. Dump the pillows."

"NOOOO!"

An hour later, the room had undergone a holy purge.

The posters were taken down. The DVDs vanished into trash bags. The body pillow had been exorcised with salt and Nyaruko's flamethrower.

Issei sat on the floor, curled in the fetal position, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "My precious… gone…"

Miki peeked in from the hallway. "Issei, sweetie, it smells much nicer in here now!"

"NOT THE POINT, MOM!"

Gorou added cheerfully, "You've got real girls now! Proud of you, son!"

Eva stepped over Issei's broken spirit like she was avoiding a puddle. "Enough whining. Time to figure out why the universe picked you."

Issei lifted his face just enough to blink at her. "Do you still care about that?"

Kaguya nodded. "Absolutely. You're an anomaly."

"A dumb one," Evageline muttered.

Issei groaned and rolled onto his back. "What am I supposed to do?"

Eva crouched beside him, grabbing a cushion and placing it in front of him like a meditation mat. "Sit. Cross your legs, clear your mind and focus."

"Uh... I don't know how to meditate?"

Kaguya sighed like a disappointed teacher. "Honestly. You didn't even attempt it."

"I was busy crying!"

"Shut up and sit," Eva said.

He complied, awkwardly folding his legs and sitting upright, arms limp.

"Back straight."

"I feel ridiculous…"

"Clear your mind," Kaguya added. "Like an empty moonlit lake."

Nyaruko sat beside him, mimicking his pose but with her hands forming a heart instead of a mudra. "Oooooooommm~! Grant us wisdom~!"

"Clear your thoughts," Eva repeated, closing her eyes. "Breathe in. Breathe out."

Issei tried. He breathed. 'Inhale… exhale… don't think about your destroyed DVD collection… don't think about your figurines suffering in a trash bag outside…'

"Stop whimpering," Eva snapped.

"I'M NOT!"

"You're ruining the atmosphere," Kaguya added.

Nyaruko poked him on the cheek. "Want me to hum anime openings to soothe you~?"

The two ancient immortal women groaned in unison.

Eva finally pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is going to be harder than I thought."

Issei sat uncomfortably on the cushion, legs numb, arms limp at his sides. But soon he was able to find peace as he closed his eyes.

Evangeline stood at his side, her fingers elegantly weaving through the air, red and blue light dancing between them. Kaguya stood opposite her, eyes half-lidded in concentration. Nyaruko sat cross-legged behind Issei, watching with a suspicious pout on her face.

"Beginning full resonance scan," Evageline murmured, her voice echoing unnaturally in the small space.

Kaguya nodded. "Synchronization complete. Soul exposure in progress."

Nyaruko's ahoge twitched violently. "You better not break anything in my precious darling~! I just got him and I don't have the warranty!"

Eva scoffed. "I'm not an amateur. His brain will remain un-scrambled."

Kaguya added calmly, "And if we do break something, I can revert his body to its default state."

The room filled with a low thrumming sound as magic circles appeared and pulsed brighter. Runic glyphs spun around Issei, scanning deeper—past skin, muscle, and bone—into the strange well of energy at his core.

Minutes passed.

Silence.

Nothing.

"...He's normal," Kaguya said, disappointed. "Utterly average."

Eva frowned. "No irregular arcane flow. No divine anchors. Not even a sealed curse…"

But soon the light of the circles flickered.

The magic pulsed once. Then again.

Then exploded into red and black as their shape shattered into spiraling helixes of chaotic magic.

"What the hell?!" Eva shouted, stepping back.

"Impossible!" Kaguya gasped, shielding her face.

The room roared to life—literally—as an earth-shaking dragon's bellow thundered through the walls. The glass of Issei's window shattered violently, showering the room in glittering shards. The floor trembled. The magic circles convulsed, unable to contain the presence that had been sleeping deep within.

All three girls were thrown back by the sheer pressure—slammed against walls, rolling across the carpet like tossed dolls.

Issei's eyes shot open. He bolted upright, coughing and dizzy. "Wh-What the hell just happened?!"

Smoke lingered. Sparks sizzled in the air.

And amidst the chaos, he saw one of them, Evangeline lying closest, her small frame unmoving, her blonde hair splayed across the floor.

Panic flooded him. He rushed forward, heart hammering, and dropped to his knees beside her. "Eva?! Are you okay?! Say something—please!"

He gently lifted her up, cradling her carefully.

Her eyes fluttered open, unfocused at first. "...You're... holding me."

"Y-Yeah, you fainted or got hit—I don't know—are you hurt?"

'Why does he sound so sincere? I'm a vampire. We've known each other less than a day. Why is he—?' She blinked, her brain catching up to her surroundings. Her pupils refocused on his face—too close, too warm, too sincere.

Her cheeks instantly flushed. 'What... is this strange feeling? He looks like an idiot. But his eyes... Is he worried for me? Me?'

She suddenly shoved him back with a stiff palm to the chest. "Don't get the wrong idea," She snapped, sitting up quickly. "I don't need your concern."

Issei fell back with a grunt. "Geez, fine. Sorry for caring..."

But she turned away, one hand pressed against her cheek. The blush refused to fade.

Across the room, a familiar, giddy voice rang out.

"WHAT A RUSH~!" Nyaruko laughed, sitting up with singed hair and a dazed expression. "I haven't felt like that since that time I headbutted a Psychic Shroom!"

Issei turned. "You're okay?"

"Better than okay!" She giggled. "Darling's got a dragon inside him! Rawr~!"

A few feet away, Kaguya groaned, eyes spinning. She clutched her head as her senses tried to reboot. "Wh-What was that pressure…?"

Then—click—her body glowed faintly. With a shimmer, her balance and composure returned.

"I'm fine," She said stiffly, dusting herself off. "But whatever's in you, Husband. It's not normal."

"No kidding," Issei muttered. "What even was that?"

Nyaruko giggled again. "Darling's got a sexy soul-beast hiding inside."

Kaguya, now sitting upright, looked far too pleased with herself. A soft, smug smile spread across her face. "Well, I suppose this confirms it," she said, voice light but dripping with superiority. "My husband is indeed special."

Issei then looked around. His bed had been knocked sideways, his wall had cracks around it, and the shattered window whistled faintly in the breeze.

Then realization struck.

"MY ROOM! MY ROOM'S DESTROYED! WH—HOW AM I GONNA FIX THIS?!" He staggered to his feet, flailing dramatically.

Kaguya rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers.

A ripple of golden light spread from her hand, expanding outward like a reverse explosion. The walls reassembled. The furniture righted itself. The posters flattened and zipped back into place. Even the glass shards lifted from the floor, floating back into the frame until the window was good as new.

Everything was clean.

Not even dust remained.

Issei, seeing this, immediately dropped to his knees and bowed deeply. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you—"

Kaguya huffed proudly, folding her arms beneath her chest. "As expected of me. Truly, it is your greatest fortune to have a wife so competent."

Eva, still sitting on the floor with her knees drawn up, turned to him with a sharp look. "Hyoudou," She said seriously. "Did you know there was a dragon inside your soul?"

Issei blinked, still half-bowed. "Huh?"

"A dragon," Eva repeated, standing up. "Sleeping inside your soul. Powerful. Ancient. Incomplete."

Issei pointed at himself, wide-eyed. "Inside me is a dragon?!"

Kaguya nodded, adjusting her sleeves elegantly. "That must be the reason the system chose you. No doubt that thing inside you is connected to some deep, cosmic power."

Nyaruko leaned against him from behind, grinning ear to ear. "Ufufu~! I knew it~! My darling is special with secret powers! So cool~!"

Issei groaned, falling onto his back. "Why do I feel like I'm the only one surprised by this…"

Eva crouched again, her gaze serious. "Now that we've confirmed it, we need to start unlocking it."

"Huh?"

Kaguya stepped forward, crossing her arms. "Indeed. If we are bound to you, then your survival directly impacts ours. The sooner you gain control of your power, the longer we all stay alive."

Nyaruko raised her hand like she was volunteering for class. "And the sooner I get to see you do cool moves in slow-motion shirtless fight scenes!"

Issei stared at them. "Wait… you want me to train?"

"Obviously," Eva said flatly. "Starting tomorrow."

Kaguya nodded. "Proper spiritual conditioning. Magic resistance. Possibly even chi realignment if necessary."

He rubbed his eyes, only to pause as a glance toward the window revealed the darkening sky.

"Crap. It's already night…" He stood and stretched, his body finally feeling the weight of the day's madness. "Alright, alright—training starts tomorrow. I've got school in the morning."

He turned to the girls, suddenly aware of a very important issue.

"Right. Uh... sleeping arrangements."

The three girls turned to him with expectant looks.

"I'll sleep in the guest room. You three can take the bed in here."

Kaguya's brow twitched. "This is the room you give your noble wife? Small and cramped?"

"It's clean now…" Issei muttered.

Kaguya sighed but relented. "Fine. I suppose even a floor fit for peasants can be a bed for a moon princess."

Eva sat back down, picking up the remote. "I don't sleep. I'll take the couch. I want to see what kind of garbage TV your world offers."

Nyaruko beamed. "I'll sleep wherever Darling sleeps~!"

Issei raised a brow. "You're staying in here."

Nyaruko pouted but nodded. "Fiiiiine. But I want the left side of the bed."

"You're not getting the bed!"

"I already am~!"

—----------------------------

Eventually, after a surprisingly calm goodnight, Issei left the room, shoulders slumping as he made his way toward the guest room.

The moment he collapsed onto the futon, exhaustion hit him like a truck. 'Finally… peace.'

He shut his eyes, letting his body sink into blessed rest. Only to feel something soft and curvy wrap around his torso a minute later.

"Darling~ You're warm~"

"NYARUKO?!"

"Shhh~ Let's cuddle!!"

He opened his eyes.

There she was.

Silver hair. Bright grin. Full pajamas that she somehow acquired..

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE SLEEPING IN MY ROOM!"

"I lied~♥"

Issei stared at the ceiling.

—--------------------------

Meanwhile, back in the living room, Evangeline sat with her legs folded under her, a bowl of popcorn in hand and her gaze glued to the TV.

"...This reality show is dumber than I expected. I love it."

Done. Tell me what you think and if I made any mistakes. Commission for Deus Ex Mina. If you want you can make a commission for me to make your idea into a story but only for people at the emperor tier at my patreon.com/orengeflame. Commissioners that continue to support me by being part of the emperor tier will get 3 chapters a month but for those that only pay once will continue to get 1 chapter a month. Of course the first month you pay will be an automatic 3 chapters.

 

[Raphiel]

"...This reality show is dumber than I expected. I love it."

Click to shrink...

based opinion from evangeline
as expected of McDowell