Going for a Walk (Hellsing Ultimate Abridged/Worm crossover)

[Its_a_cauldron_plot!]

Wait, I just realized.

I can transfer my shit ton of omakes here.

Ha. Haha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Edit: The first of many







Alucard adopts Taylor



Integra found her eye twitching. " Alucard, explain it to me, again."

" Alright alright, calm your non existant ti-"

" Finish that sentence and I will gut you."

" Fine, fun killer. Anyway, I was just minding my own business when I found my way In someones head. After a whole bunch of shenanigan's and somehow killing a golden space whale thing, I got in my regular body, and this one came back with me." He picked Taylor up by the neck, who was wearing a black and red version of Alucards coat and collar, with a fedora. She was blushing and at least tried to look ashamed.

" Anyway, to cut a long story short, this one is mine now."

" Didn't you say she already had a father?"

" Pshh, details! She drank blood, she has red eyes, and most importantly!" He pushed her closer to the slightly pissed off women, who could already feel a headache building. " She killed Nazis Integra. Its like tradition!"

" And how do you intend to keep her busy? And what about if someone comes looking for her?"

" Then I will introduce them to my new life hackz." As he said that, he let loose for a moment, several bodies standing behind him. The most noticible was a very, very tall women with multiple wings surrounding her.

" Did, did you really just say that with a z?"

" Yes. I'm a baller."

Long silence.

" Just go put her with the Police girl Alucard."

" Got it. Taylor."

" Yes?"

" Tell me, how current are you on your fellow meat bags culture?"

" Pretty up to date. Why?" She was suspicious. This was good.

" YEET!" He tossed the vampire down the hallway, chuckling like a madman as he listened to her scream and curse his name.

 

[Its_a_cauldron_plot!]

Cannons and those who love them



Taylor rocked back and forth gently in her chair, ignoring the look Piggot gave her.

Ah, Piggot. A woman who gave Taylor conflicting emotions galore.

It had started off all right, with Piggot doing her best to try and keep Taylor's new tendicies in check. It worked for a time even, with glares and prods and all sorts of other things. But then Alucard figured out she was resisting healing for some reason. After that, he started pestering Taylor over and over to get her to do something about it.

She had tried gently at first, bringing it up after making sure they were alone, in a nice quiet room. All that did was emphasize how loud Piggot could yell at her.

As time went on though, Alucard got more and more insistent about making her do something. The talks became a bit more heated, with threats soon joining.

*At one point Taylor got tired of it and " Kidnapped" Amy at one of their lunch meet ups. Why she had brought flowers she had no idea.

She tossed Amy at Piggot. While hilarious, it pissed both of them of for awhile. But in the end, none of that mattered, as Amy healed Piggot.

Now though, she had a different problem. You see, Piggot was hot now. Like, a step below super model good. Taylor noticed. The PRT noticed. But most importantly, Alucard noticed.

" So, Rend. You have been complaining about Alucard badgering you for something."

Taylor gulped and nodded. Oh god this was embarrassing.

" Tell me."

She turned to either side, somehow just noticing Miss Militia and Armsmaster. " Are, you sure?"

" Now."

She gulped again and cleared her throat. Lowering her voice to meet Alucards, she said " Get that bit*h a cannon. Bit*hs love cannons." Self censoring aside, she lowered her gaze.

There was silence. " Tell Alucard if he calls me that again, I will find a way into your head, pull him out myself, and gut him like a fish."

Taylor flinched. " He says stop, he can only get so erect."

" Just, go."

Taylor gladly did so. After she left, Piggot pulled out a bottle of scotch and three glasses. Pouring them out, she slid them to her coworkers, then started slamming it down like there was no tomorrow.



*expect an omake about this at one point.

 

[Its_a_cauldron_plot!]

Emma sighed as she pulled a bayonet out from her sleeve, papers swirling around her as she teleported from gang banger to gang banger.

" Anderson, I know you said I should go out and fight, show people where we stand, but, I think I'm ready for an actual challenge." With a flick of her wrist, another person fell to the ground, three of four bayonets sticking out of their back.

"Now hold your horsies lassie, I know you wanna find someone a bit more your weight class, but the basics are important! Learn how to throw your knives, teleport on command, then we start fighting the big boys."

" Like the Nazis?"

Anderson laughed. " Especially the Nazis. I want that wolfs head on our fire place."

Emma was about to reply when gunshots rang through the night, one slamming into a building not far away from her.

" Hey, Emma, go see whats going on over there."

" Don't need to even say anything." Taking far too much delight in her ability, she teleported to the top of a building where she saw several merchants being ripped apart by someone in a red trench coat and fedora.

' Huh. That looks kinda dangerous. Anderson, I think I'm going to-'

' Jump.'

"What?"

'You heard me lassie. You know Alucard, the vampire I told you about?'

" Yes, i remember." She idly swung one of her blades. " What about them?"

' I am fairly certain that's him. Or someone with him in their head.'

".....ALUCARD!" She crashed onto the ground with two bayonets in each hand, ready to fling them at the vampire. She lifted her head, looking at the vampire with a feral grin on her face. Oddly enough, the hat was covering a good portion of their face, making them unrecognizable.

" Hmm, what's that smell? Oh, its the hypocrisy of the Catholic church!" The vampire sniffed the air. " Hmm, you smell like Anderson, but you don't look like a raging murderholic. Well, except for the blades." The vampire grinned. " OOoooohhhh! So that's who's body your taking your little rest in. A little traitor who can't even do her own dirty work!"

Emma growled and threw her stakes, lodging them in the Vampires gut. " SHut up!"

After a moment, the stakes seemed to ooze out of their gut, blood staining their suit. " Hey, Emma, you know whats good for getting blood stains, along with other kind of stains, out of suits?" The vampire lifted its head enough to reveal-

" TAYLOR!? Wait, don't you dare!"

" Holy water! Did you miss me!"










*Expect more of this too.

 

[Its_a_cauldron_plot!]

Madison gets either Winkle or the Captain.
Theo. He goes into Theo.

Here we go!




Madison snapped her pencil in half, prompting Theo to hand her another one. They had a very, strange relationship.

She had woken up one day to hear someone prattling on and on and on about something called Winter Wrap Up. It had been a nice little tune at first, and she was actually very happy! She must have become a cape in her sleep!

But things started going down hill when the voice said she should seek out someone called the Major. He was a nazi. Because of fracking course.


On the other side of the city Theo had woken up with what he was sure was some sort of cape working for his father. All the signs pointed to it after all. Nazi, German accent, what he thought of telepathy, hell the only thing he was missing was a burning hatred for what he considered the lesser races. He considered everyone other than him a lesser race, so hurray for equality?

They umped into each other at the library, making their opposite voice go nuts. Well nuts in Madisons case. The Major seemed slightly more happy but still was fairly condescending.

Somehow, she still wasn't sure, they had started hanging out more. And more. The voice encouraging them to get closer until one day they spilled their guts. Madison learned that Theo was the heir to Empire 88, but didn't believe in their filth. Meanwhile he learned she had done something horrible to a girl named Taylor, and when he looked it up later he agreed it was quite bad.

Their decisions to not bring up their various issues for awhile. Until Madison learned about Major when Theo was sleep talking after a movie once. This led to her spilling about the crazy " Rip Van Winkle" who kept praising the Major. After the other things they learned, they took this well in stride.

Anyway, Madison had snapped her pencil in half because she had just gotten a very strange text from an unknown number.

UN: Is this that crazy bitch with the rifle?

M: Excuse me? Who are you?

UN: Answer me damn it! I've had this damn cat person stuck in my head for a month now!

UN: Keeps calling themself schrodinger.

M: Wait, you dont mean... who are you, really?

M: It's Hookwolf. Now, do I have the right damn number or not?

M: *Sigh, you do. I'll text you an address.

With that unpleasant conversation over, she turned off her phone, turned her head to face Theo, and said in the most deadpan voice the could, " Hookwolf has a cat problem."

 

[Its_a_cauldron_plot!]

Omake: A priest and a Doctor have dinner with the Vampire.

Taylor grinned like a loon, sitting between her two friends.

Emma glared at Amy, bayonet in one hand while a fork was in the other.

Amy glared at the girl who held the Judas priest, turning her dinner into a strange sort of smoothie.

' So, Taylor, are you sure this is a good idea?'

' Why wouldn't it be? I mean, you were the one who said my friends knowing each other would be good for me. Well, Emma is my friend again, and Amy really likes hanging around me.' Her hands clenched around her fork and knife, seeming intent on being an oblivious idiot. ' Nothing wrong with my friends knowing each other.'

In the background fire was crackling and bricks has crumbled, several Nazis and gangbangers either drained of blood, some missing an arm, and several with bayonets sticking out of their bodies.

' Because your two friends,' gods she could hear the mental fingers around that one, ' are staring daggers at each other. And the fact that they both wanna bone you, and you just introduced them to a rival, weeeeellllllllllllllll...'

Taylor blanched and let out a groan, slamming her face onto the table, drawing looks from the other two.

' DAMN IT ALUCARD! I, I know that! I was hoping I could get them not to try to kill each other.'

' Don't look at me! I thought you knew and were just going to sit down and convince them to share you or something. You certainly got my taste for dangerous women.'

Taylor ignored her friends looks and shoving of shoulders. Then, one said something to the other, and more than insults went flying.

' Hey, do we have enough cash to pay for this?'

She gave Alucard the mental figure and started sobbing.

 

[Its_a_cauldron_plot!]

The major sighed as he leaned back in his chair, blimp in the air and weapons. He wasn't sure how, but he had ended up in this world alone, fully alive after being shot by Integra.

He had found a organization that coincided delightfully with his tastes. That meant they were indeed Nazis. He had quickly risen through the ranks through a mixture of murder and competence.

Of course, when he had heard that the USA branch was having some trouble, he took it upon himself to shape things back into order. And oh my, was he glad he did. A familiar red jacket and red hat made him grin. Of course, that meant he not only had a goal, but now he had a worthy rival to make it worth it. He would conquer this world, all to spite the vampire.

Thus, he built an army of capes and normal. And what better way to introduce himself to the world, than with one thing. " ZEPPLINS!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Simurgh did not get scared. She was the master of fate, the mistresses of doom, the weaver of the end.

But, when she saw the Zepplin, and the red hatted vampire, the two things she could not maybe, she visibly paled.

" Alucard!"

" Major! Your still so, fat!"

" And you are still a pompus idiot! Tell me, how much damage has your two girlfriends caused?"

The vampires voice became much more whiney. " They are not my girlfriends! And if you say one more thing about them, I will eat you! Endbringer truce be dammned!" She then stiffened.

" And just like that, the war begins!" The fat one said with a gleeful smile.

Yes. The Simurgh did not get scared. But she knew when to abandon hope.

 

[Its_a_cauldron_plot!]

RETURN OF THE HOLY POPE BOX!

Coil, was not having a good day. Of course, anyone who was a villain tended to not have a good day in the same city as the Simurgh munching vampire, but today was an odd sort of not good day.

It started when he woke up and a man, who claimed to be a priest, had started angrily yelling scripture in his head. Oh, the Master/ Stranger effects were strong that day.

But he soon calmed down, and talked with the voice. It turned out that Alucard was not the only one to arrive, and he originally thought that having a source of information on the vampire would help. It did. On showing him just how utterly screwed he was if he caught his, her? Their, if he caught their attention.

So he stayed low, not causing too much of a mess. All that ended when Alucard went on a romp through the sewers and found his base. He really should have ran then and there, but he had spent far too much money into this place, so he decided to stay and try to push her back.

Several regrets later, he was now in a box. A box of his own making, yes, but a box all the same.

" Ha! Fuck you Alucard! Fuck you fuck you fuck you!" He raised the bird. " I've designed this box to work against your stupid demon vampire powers! It would take the will of god himself to break this!"

She only smirked. " So, your saying it's a holy pope box? One second."

She left in a oozeing river of blood, coming back with someone only a mere minute later. ' Oh, fuck.'

Emma barnes, also known as the Judas priest, stood there with gleaming bayonets and a smile. " Oh my, another one of these?" A sharp cracking sound filled the room as the blade was tossed and pierced it, leaving him defenseless. " Now, remind me, do you prefer my blades in ya gut or your liver?"

" Fuck."




Last cross post. I regret nothing.