Summary: Harry Potter thought that Daisy was his imaginary friend since the insanity that...
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Hermione Granger: Gamer, Monster [Outside POV Gamer SI in Harry Potter]
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Swordchucks
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Summary: Harry Potter thought that Daisy was his imaginary friend since the insanity that surrounded her couldn't possibly have been real. Then, he'd found out that magic was real and who should he find when he reached Hogwarts but his imaginary friend. The fact that magic was involved should have made things make more sense, only they didn't. Nothing made sense at all.
Alternate Summary: An overpowered Hermione Granger self-insert with a Gamer system sets out to 'fix' the Harry Potter world and make Harry's life all better. It sort of works.
Alternate Summary: An overpowered Hermione Granger self-insert with a Gamer system sets out to 'fix' the Harry Potter world and make Harry's life all better. It sort of works.
Chapter 1
Swordchucks
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The crowd was getting restless, and the shared tension was starting to make Harry Potter nervous. Up until then, his day had been quite literally magical, culminating with an enchanted boat ride across a presumably enchanted lake to a definitely enchanted castle. It was like he was living a dream come true.
Even the ghosts, which most of the waiting first year students had very nearly freaked out over, hadn't been able to bring him down. It was only after that, when they were all stuck standing in a much less enchanted hallway and waiting for some sort of 'sorting' to happen, that he started to worry.
"What are we waiting on?" a voice, young and high, asked curiously.
"Someone's missing," Ron Weasley answered. Harry had met him on the train and he seemed safe enough. He hadn't shown any obvious signs of insanity or been carrying visible weapons, at least. That counted as safe in Harry's view. "They've got half the prefects looking for her."
"Oh," the voice answered. "That sucks, then."
Something about the voice made hairs on the back of Harry's neck, and it was with a growing sense of dread that he turned his eyes away from Ron to look at the speaker. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears as he fought the rising urge to panic.
There, standing in the hallway as peaceful as could be, was her.
"Hello, Harry," she chirped at his attention. She smiled at him, showing her wide smile and her teeth - a little too big in a way that would have been cute if he hadn't understood what a complete monster she was.
It took a long moment before he could find his voice.
"You're real." It was something of an accusation, really. A curse on reality itself for allowing a thing to be true which very much should not have been.
The thing wearing the face of an eleven-year-old girl smiled even wider. "Of course I am. I always knew we'd end up going to Hogwarts together. I have been looking forward to it."
"You know her, Harry?" Ron asked curiously as he looked between the pair. Harry was certain that anyone could tell he was shaking at that moment.
"I thought you were a nightmare," he mumbled, but it was certainly loud enough for her to pick up on.
Her lips turned down in what would have been an adorable pout on someone less horrible. "Is this about the gnomes? I told you not to show them any mercy so you have only yourself to bla-"
"Yes, it's about the bloody gnomes. And the orcs. And the goblins. And all of the other times you almost got me killed." Harry managed to whisper and scream at the same time. Somehow.
"You only almost died," she agreed, smiling again as though that made everything alright. "You're still alive, right?"
"That's not the point," he hissed. "Daisy, you-"
"Hermione," she interjected happily.
"What?" Her choice of words had broken his rant before it could really get started.
"Hermione Granger. It's my real name. Daisy was… a bit of a joke." The girl-shaped monster actually blushed at the admission.
"Hermione Granger?" one of the other students cut in. "You're the one they've been looking for!"
It was Daisy's - no, Hermione's - turn to look confused. "Oh, right, well, I guess it took longer than I expected to get my new hat."
Somehow, in the minute or two that Harry had been talking to her, he hadn't noticed the sparkling headpiece she was wearing. It looked like a hawk studded with rhinestones with a big blue gem in the middle of it. He wanted to dismiss it as a piece of garish costume jewelry, but he'd learned not to dismiss any of Daisy's insanity.
At that point, they were all distracted by the adults who had been informed that Hermione Granger had reappeared and the search could be called off. Harry kept casting her glances, trying to figure out what was going on.
For years, Daisy - Hermione - would appear in his life and cause chaos. He had convinced himself, at some point, that she was imaginary. She'd never appeared when there was anyone with him, and the things they did together were always in weird fever dreams that she called 'dungeons'. She also wouldn't take 'no' for an answer when it came to dragging him through said 'dungeons', either.
He'd done his best to research games like the kinds of things she showed him, but the closest he had come were old computer games that had only cursory similarities. There was the 'party' and the 'stats' and a few of the other concepts, but that was about it. Well, that and the monsters.
He shuddered at the memory of the first time he'd faced a monster. The game had called it a goblin, though it was very different from the goblins he had met in Diagon Alley. It had been armed with a stick which it had used to stab Harry with several times before he managed to kill it with the dagger Daisy had helpfully handed him.
That had set the tone for the next few years and while his stats had gone up, he'd never really noticed anything come of it. Well, nothing dramatic. His cousin didn't bother him as much once his strength score had raised to the point that he could lift the bigger boy, but he'd never developed visible muscles or anything. Other than that, life had just kind of gone along.
But now she was here. She was real and he had seen other people notice her and react to her. She was real which meant that all of the horrors she had subjected him to were also real.
That, or his insanity had reached a fever pitch and he could no longer tell fantasy from reality. In that case, he was screwed either way, so he chose to ignore the possibility.
The group shifted into the great hall as he was lost in thought, and while it looked impressive, he was barely aware of the awesome feats of magic around him as he struggled to wrap his head around the fact that Daisy - Hermione - was a real person.
He snapped out of his semi-trance when the first name was called and watched as people were sorted to their… dinner tables? He had missed most of the explanation of what was going on in his shock.
"Granger, Hermione!" the old witch called and Daisy tromped up to a stool and put on the ratty old hat. On top of her gaudy crown-thing. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he let it out - and even then he wasn't sure why he had been holding his breath in the first place.
Nothing happened. The hat didn't react to her in any way as it sat on her head and slowly murmurs started to spread through the hallway.
"Can I just pick a house?" Daisy asked after what felt like forever.
"No, Miss Granger," the older witch overseeing the sorting said, though Harry could tell that she was just as confused as everyone else. "The Sorting Hat chooses houses for everyone."
"Huh…" she said and Harry stiffened. Anyone else might have thought she was giving up on the idea, but he knew better. He'd seen that same expression on her face entirely too many times. "So, what if the Hat picked in a different way?"
Before anyone thought to stop her - because why would they think to stop her, really, they didn't know what Harry knew - she jumped to her feet and had the hat in her hand. Her arm disappeared into its depths far beyond what should have been possible, and then she smiled and stood up straight.
"I have the power!" she yelled at the top of her lungs which caused several people to jump back and at least one person to scream in fright. As she yelled, she yanked her arm back to reveal that her hand was no longer empty. Instead, she held the hilt of a glittering golden sword which she attempted to draw out of the hat in one fluid motion.
Attempted being the watchword there. The sword was longer than her arms would allow her to pull out in a single motion and she ended up flicking the hat halfway across the great hall to land on the head of a particularly startled older girl.
That would have been more relevant if anyone had been watching the hat after the glittering candlelight revealed the magnificent blade with the name Gryffindor inscribed down the side.
"Miss Granger!" the older witch practically screamed.
"Distraction!" Daisy intoned and tossed something small and furry to the ground in front of her. "Eeek! Is that a rat?" she yelled, though her tone was too flat for that to be at all genuine.
The sword in her hands swung around and down to the presumed rat. The only mercy was that she seemed to be aiming to swat it with the flat of the blade and Harry rather hated that he could tell that at a glance. The last time Daisy had decided he needed to learn to fight with a sword had been painful lesson on top of painful lesson, but at least part of it had stuck with him.
There was a dull 'whump' noise, though some of the action was blocked by the milling students in front of him.
"Oh, no! The rat seems to have transformed into noted war hero Peter Petigrew! That is the man who everyone believes was murdered by the notorious traitor Sirius Black after he betrayed Harry Potter's parents to Voldemort!" Again, her acting was terrible. She sounded more like she was reading a script than making genuine statements.
"Let me help you up, Mister Petigrew!" Harry saw her head dip below the line of the crowd and then there was a loud ripping noise. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to rip the sleeve off your jacket. And your shirt. But oh no, what is this? The Dark Mark? Does this mean that it was you that betrayed the Potters this whole time while Sirius Black was shipped off to prison without a trial?"
"Bloody hell?" Ron muttered beside him. Harry looked at the boy and shrugged helplessly. The redhead looked just as confused as the rest of the hall and didn't have the benefit of Harry's long exposure to Daisy to protect his own sanity.
"You get used to it," Harry said, though even he wasn't sure if that was meant as a comforting statement or a threat.
Even the ghosts, which most of the waiting first year students had very nearly freaked out over, hadn't been able to bring him down. It was only after that, when they were all stuck standing in a much less enchanted hallway and waiting for some sort of 'sorting' to happen, that he started to worry.
"What are we waiting on?" a voice, young and high, asked curiously.
"Someone's missing," Ron Weasley answered. Harry had met him on the train and he seemed safe enough. He hadn't shown any obvious signs of insanity or been carrying visible weapons, at least. That counted as safe in Harry's view. "They've got half the prefects looking for her."
"Oh," the voice answered. "That sucks, then."
Something about the voice made hairs on the back of Harry's neck, and it was with a growing sense of dread that he turned his eyes away from Ron to look at the speaker. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears as he fought the rising urge to panic.
There, standing in the hallway as peaceful as could be, was her.
"Hello, Harry," she chirped at his attention. She smiled at him, showing her wide smile and her teeth - a little too big in a way that would have been cute if he hadn't understood what a complete monster she was.
It took a long moment before he could find his voice.
"You're real." It was something of an accusation, really. A curse on reality itself for allowing a thing to be true which very much should not have been.
The thing wearing the face of an eleven-year-old girl smiled even wider. "Of course I am. I always knew we'd end up going to Hogwarts together. I have been looking forward to it."
"You know her, Harry?" Ron asked curiously as he looked between the pair. Harry was certain that anyone could tell he was shaking at that moment.
"I thought you were a nightmare," he mumbled, but it was certainly loud enough for her to pick up on.
Her lips turned down in what would have been an adorable pout on someone less horrible. "Is this about the gnomes? I told you not to show them any mercy so you have only yourself to bla-"
"Yes, it's about the bloody gnomes. And the orcs. And the goblins. And all of the other times you almost got me killed." Harry managed to whisper and scream at the same time. Somehow.
"You only almost died," she agreed, smiling again as though that made everything alright. "You're still alive, right?"
"That's not the point," he hissed. "Daisy, you-"
"Hermione," she interjected happily.
"What?" Her choice of words had broken his rant before it could really get started.
"Hermione Granger. It's my real name. Daisy was… a bit of a joke." The girl-shaped monster actually blushed at the admission.
"Hermione Granger?" one of the other students cut in. "You're the one they've been looking for!"
It was Daisy's - no, Hermione's - turn to look confused. "Oh, right, well, I guess it took longer than I expected to get my new hat."
Somehow, in the minute or two that Harry had been talking to her, he hadn't noticed the sparkling headpiece she was wearing. It looked like a hawk studded with rhinestones with a big blue gem in the middle of it. He wanted to dismiss it as a piece of garish costume jewelry, but he'd learned not to dismiss any of Daisy's insanity.
At that point, they were all distracted by the adults who had been informed that Hermione Granger had reappeared and the search could be called off. Harry kept casting her glances, trying to figure out what was going on.
For years, Daisy - Hermione - would appear in his life and cause chaos. He had convinced himself, at some point, that she was imaginary. She'd never appeared when there was anyone with him, and the things they did together were always in weird fever dreams that she called 'dungeons'. She also wouldn't take 'no' for an answer when it came to dragging him through said 'dungeons', either.
He'd done his best to research games like the kinds of things she showed him, but the closest he had come were old computer games that had only cursory similarities. There was the 'party' and the 'stats' and a few of the other concepts, but that was about it. Well, that and the monsters.
He shuddered at the memory of the first time he'd faced a monster. The game had called it a goblin, though it was very different from the goblins he had met in Diagon Alley. It had been armed with a stick which it had used to stab Harry with several times before he managed to kill it with the dagger Daisy had helpfully handed him.
That had set the tone for the next few years and while his stats had gone up, he'd never really noticed anything come of it. Well, nothing dramatic. His cousin didn't bother him as much once his strength score had raised to the point that he could lift the bigger boy, but he'd never developed visible muscles or anything. Other than that, life had just kind of gone along.
But now she was here. She was real and he had seen other people notice her and react to her. She was real which meant that all of the horrors she had subjected him to were also real.
That, or his insanity had reached a fever pitch and he could no longer tell fantasy from reality. In that case, he was screwed either way, so he chose to ignore the possibility.
The group shifted into the great hall as he was lost in thought, and while it looked impressive, he was barely aware of the awesome feats of magic around him as he struggled to wrap his head around the fact that Daisy - Hermione - was a real person.
He snapped out of his semi-trance when the first name was called and watched as people were sorted to their… dinner tables? He had missed most of the explanation of what was going on in his shock.
"Granger, Hermione!" the old witch called and Daisy tromped up to a stool and put on the ratty old hat. On top of her gaudy crown-thing. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he let it out - and even then he wasn't sure why he had been holding his breath in the first place.
Nothing happened. The hat didn't react to her in any way as it sat on her head and slowly murmurs started to spread through the hallway.
"Can I just pick a house?" Daisy asked after what felt like forever.
"No, Miss Granger," the older witch overseeing the sorting said, though Harry could tell that she was just as confused as everyone else. "The Sorting Hat chooses houses for everyone."
"Huh…" she said and Harry stiffened. Anyone else might have thought she was giving up on the idea, but he knew better. He'd seen that same expression on her face entirely too many times. "So, what if the Hat picked in a different way?"
Before anyone thought to stop her - because why would they think to stop her, really, they didn't know what Harry knew - she jumped to her feet and had the hat in her hand. Her arm disappeared into its depths far beyond what should have been possible, and then she smiled and stood up straight.
"I have the power!" she yelled at the top of her lungs which caused several people to jump back and at least one person to scream in fright. As she yelled, she yanked her arm back to reveal that her hand was no longer empty. Instead, she held the hilt of a glittering golden sword which she attempted to draw out of the hat in one fluid motion.
Attempted being the watchword there. The sword was longer than her arms would allow her to pull out in a single motion and she ended up flicking the hat halfway across the great hall to land on the head of a particularly startled older girl.
That would have been more relevant if anyone had been watching the hat after the glittering candlelight revealed the magnificent blade with the name Gryffindor inscribed down the side.
"Miss Granger!" the older witch practically screamed.
"Distraction!" Daisy intoned and tossed something small and furry to the ground in front of her. "Eeek! Is that a rat?" she yelled, though her tone was too flat for that to be at all genuine.
The sword in her hands swung around and down to the presumed rat. The only mercy was that she seemed to be aiming to swat it with the flat of the blade and Harry rather hated that he could tell that at a glance. The last time Daisy had decided he needed to learn to fight with a sword had been painful lesson on top of painful lesson, but at least part of it had stuck with him.
There was a dull 'whump' noise, though some of the action was blocked by the milling students in front of him.
"Oh, no! The rat seems to have transformed into noted war hero Peter Petigrew! That is the man who everyone believes was murdered by the notorious traitor Sirius Black after he betrayed Harry Potter's parents to Voldemort!" Again, her acting was terrible. She sounded more like she was reading a script than making genuine statements.
"Let me help you up, Mister Petigrew!" Harry saw her head dip below the line of the crowd and then there was a loud ripping noise. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to rip the sleeve off your jacket. And your shirt. But oh no, what is this? The Dark Mark? Does this mean that it was you that betrayed the Potters this whole time while Sirius Black was shipped off to prison without a trial?"
"Bloody hell?" Ron muttered beside him. Harry looked at the boy and shrugged helplessly. The redhead looked just as confused as the rest of the hall and didn't have the benefit of Harry's long exposure to Daisy to protect his own sanity.
"You get used to it," Harry said, though even he wasn't sure if that was meant as a comforting statement or a threat.
The drafts for this cover nine chapters and about 17k words. It was also how I responded to the urge to write a Self-insert Gamer fic, and I think this came out pretty well. It's a little absurd because overpowered Gamer MCs are absurd.
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Josematos977
Not too sore, are you?
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I like it a lot. Are you planning on the story having actual plot or its just gonna be crack?
ArsMagna1337
(Unverified Oracle) (Unverified Omake Machine)
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Gnomes also will try to date your younger sisters whilst making you think they are zombies. Truly the most despicable of creatures.
Swordchucks
Experienced.
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It kind of depends on how you define crack. There is a plot and it is consistent to its internal logic. There are also absurd situations caused by a high level Gamer with foreknowledge of the setting.
Squid
Know what you're doing yet?
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Ok, this? This is gold right here.
coffee11
Getting some practice in, huh?
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awesome. what about quildemort? or harry's scar? what happened? gamer skills anything harry pick up? or just strength? any book got devoured? it is little lack of info towards past like he did things then fulll go muggle life. or hermoine did not know a magic or dont have magic book or wand she decided full physical until 11 years old?
(gamer mind-hat cant read-awesome detail I just noticed I thought she trolling
)
(gamer mind-hat cant read-awesome detail I just noticed I thought she trolling
)
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DIT_grue
lurker
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Swordchucks
Experienced.
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Most of that gets answered in the near future. By chapter 3 or so, anyway. The story moves fairly quickly through a bit more than three years of time. I'm probably doing MWF posting for a few weeks as I work through the edits of all nine parts.
I remember that story vaguely but fondly.
Thanks and fixed.
Chapter 2
Swordchucks
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"Harry, guess what today is?"
Harry's shoulders slumped as he recognized that tone in Daisy's voice. While she had become a chaotic presence in his daily life, she hadn't actually pulled her into any specific danger in two blissful months. The professors were the ones that had to deal with her antics, but that wasn't his problem. Usually.
"Halloween?" he asked gently. He knew what she was getting at, but he couldn't bring himself to play into her insanity directly. He had known this was coming, on some level, all day. He had even gone so far as to attempt to avoid the Great Hall for that evening's feast, but he'd gotten hungry. He was intending to just pop in and grab a bite to eat before turning in early. He really wasn't in a feasting mood, in any case, and avoiding Daisy was just an extra reason.
He was certain he had gotten away with it, too, but Daisy had come up behind him in the hallway after he made his escape and ruined his hopes of a quiet night.
"That's right, and what is Halloween?" she asked leadingly.
"The anniversary of my parent's deaths?" he rejoined in an even tone. She'd told him that ages ago, though he hadn't entirely believed her at the time. He'd almost convinced himself that she was imaginary up until he started Hogwarts, after all. The fact that his parents had really died on Halloween was less of a surprise than it was an annoyance.
"Yes, it is that, but what else happened on Halloween?" Her smile was huge as she went over the familiar questions. It really was the same thing every year.
"It's the anniversary of the first time I killed someone." When he was younger, he'd doubted her on that one even more than what she'd said about his parents dying. Now that he was in the wizarding world and learned about what had happened to his parents - and Voldemort - it made a lot more sense.
What made no sense was how she'd known, even back then.
"Exactly!" she cheered and clapped, jumping up and down excitedly. The jumping made the torchlight flicker off Ravenclaw's diadem which was still perched on her head as it pretty much always was. She only took it off when she needed to hide it from the grasping hands of a Professor. "So, what do you want to kill to celebrate?"
He let out a heavy sigh. "Nothing?" It was a feeble hope that she'd let it go. She never did.
"Oh, don't be shy, let's murder something good. How about a troll? You've never killed a real troll before. I'll let you use Gryffy." The priceless relic appeared in her hands and she did a few swings at a phantom opponent with a level of almost unsettling grace. The fact she had named one of the most priceless treasures in the castle 'Gryffy' barely even registered.
"There's a troll in the castle?" he asked as his brain caught up with the situation. Daisy had a habit of revealing facts in a backwards way.
"Yep, and if you don't kill him, he'll probably mow down a bunch of first years. Probably each of them holding a tiny kitten or puppy, too." The sword hilt was thrust into his hand and he realized that he'd let her lead him far away from the Great Hall. A rancid stench hit him and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and his protest that he was also a first year student died before he could utter it.
His eyes went to Daisy who had traded her diadem for a turban she had probably stolen from Professor Quirrel at some point. "Troll… troll in the dungeons. I thought you ought to know."
Then she rolled her eyes up in a bit of comical overacting and fell face first into the floor.
He was very tempted to stab her with the sword in his hand. It probably wouldn't hurt her much, but it would feel pretty satisfying. On the other hand, it might actually annoy her, and he wasn't certain he wanted to deal with an annoyed Daisy. Happy Daisy was bad enough.
His indecision cost him the chance, however, because the stench was quickly followed around the corner of the hallway by the appearance of a hulking green mass of muscle with a gigantic club.
"This is going to suck," he groaned as he raised the sword and prepared for battle.
oOoOoOoOo
"Use the boy," a voice hissed and Harry cursed internally. He cursed Quirrel. He cursed Snape. He cursed the splitting headache that had come over him suddenly. Most of all, he cursed Hermione 'Daisy' Granger for leading him into this trap.
He hadn't wanted to get mixed up in a quest for a Philosopher's Stone - which had come entirely out of left field - and he definitely didn't want to get mixed up with whatever was going on with Quirrel. He was also painfully embarrassed that the man had gotten the drop on him as easily as he had.
As he stared at himself in the mirror, he had a fleeting image of himself surrounded by peace and quiet before the morbid curiosity about what, exactly, this Philosopher's Stone actually was started to creep in. He didn't really want the thing, but maybe a little peek would be alright?
The version of Harry in the mirror winked at him and produced a red stone that it slipped into his pocket. After that, the entire atmosphere in the room seemed to change. Daisy was there - not trapped behind the flames which she had shoved Harry through after force feeding him a potion - and her hand was in his pocket.
"Yoink!" she declared and tossed the stone up in the air before making it vanish into that magical storage space she called her 'inventory'.
"No!" Quirrel screamed while Daisy cackled. "Give me the stone!"
"Finders keepers!" she screamed and flicked her wrist at the professor. Whatever she did sent him flying back to crash into a wall.
"Daisy!" Harry yelled in a mixture of shock, relief, and annoyance.
"Harry!" she yelled back in a voice that held none of those things. "Want to kill another guy?"
"What? No!" he denied. Of course he didn't want to kill someone! Did she think he was as insane as she was?
oOoOoOoOo
"You killed the shit out of him, Harry," Daisy congratulated him a few minutes later as he stood over the smoldering pile of ashes that had once been his Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
For Harry's part, he couldn't stop staring at his hand. Somehow, the touch of his hand had burned the man to death, and he wasn't sure if it was because it had been the shade of Voldemort or it had just been more of Daisy's insanity rubbing off on him.
"I didn't mean to kill him," he protested weakly.
"Of course you didn't," she agreed in a patronizing tone as she patted him on the back. "You just get these urges and people end up dead around you. I understand."
"No, really, why did that kill him?" he half-mumbled.
"Which 'him'? Quirrel was the human equivalent of one of those cheap chocolate eggs that has a hard shell but the inside is all hollow and maybe filled with goo that's probably gone bad because it was made like a year ago and kept in storage for the next Easter. One good poke might have done him in. Voldemort was probably a ghost and you know how ghost rules work."
He hated that he did know how ghost rules worked. He had been in plenty of dungeons where the ghosts were normally unbeatable unless you used some specific method to defeat them after which they just kind of melted away. He supposed that being touched by the person that originally killed them would probably count as one of those methods.
Daisy clapped her hands loudly and made a show of dusting them off. "Well, we had better get out of here before they come looking and find us standing over a corpse. That'd be awkward to explain."
Harry looked at the ashes again and while he wouldn't really call it a corpse, it was vaguely person shaped.
Daisy looped her arm around his. "Come on, let's go make ourselves an alibi. You'd think with all of the murders you commit, you'd be better at covering your tracks."
Harry's headache, which had actually been getting better with the departure of Voldemort, was suddenly back in full force. He didn't even have it in him to protest that this was only the second person he had killed - because that really didn't sound like the kind of defense a sane person would make.
Harry's shoulders slumped as he recognized that tone in Daisy's voice. While she had become a chaotic presence in his daily life, she hadn't actually pulled her into any specific danger in two blissful months. The professors were the ones that had to deal with her antics, but that wasn't his problem. Usually.
"Halloween?" he asked gently. He knew what she was getting at, but he couldn't bring himself to play into her insanity directly. He had known this was coming, on some level, all day. He had even gone so far as to attempt to avoid the Great Hall for that evening's feast, but he'd gotten hungry. He was intending to just pop in and grab a bite to eat before turning in early. He really wasn't in a feasting mood, in any case, and avoiding Daisy was just an extra reason.
He was certain he had gotten away with it, too, but Daisy had come up behind him in the hallway after he made his escape and ruined his hopes of a quiet night.
"That's right, and what is Halloween?" she asked leadingly.
"The anniversary of my parent's deaths?" he rejoined in an even tone. She'd told him that ages ago, though he hadn't entirely believed her at the time. He'd almost convinced himself that she was imaginary up until he started Hogwarts, after all. The fact that his parents had really died on Halloween was less of a surprise than it was an annoyance.
"Yes, it is that, but what else happened on Halloween?" Her smile was huge as she went over the familiar questions. It really was the same thing every year.
"It's the anniversary of the first time I killed someone." When he was younger, he'd doubted her on that one even more than what she'd said about his parents dying. Now that he was in the wizarding world and learned about what had happened to his parents - and Voldemort - it made a lot more sense.
What made no sense was how she'd known, even back then.
"Exactly!" she cheered and clapped, jumping up and down excitedly. The jumping made the torchlight flicker off Ravenclaw's diadem which was still perched on her head as it pretty much always was. She only took it off when she needed to hide it from the grasping hands of a Professor. "So, what do you want to kill to celebrate?"
He let out a heavy sigh. "Nothing?" It was a feeble hope that she'd let it go. She never did.
"Oh, don't be shy, let's murder something good. How about a troll? You've never killed a real troll before. I'll let you use Gryffy." The priceless relic appeared in her hands and she did a few swings at a phantom opponent with a level of almost unsettling grace. The fact she had named one of the most priceless treasures in the castle 'Gryffy' barely even registered.
"There's a troll in the castle?" he asked as his brain caught up with the situation. Daisy had a habit of revealing facts in a backwards way.
"Yep, and if you don't kill him, he'll probably mow down a bunch of first years. Probably each of them holding a tiny kitten or puppy, too." The sword hilt was thrust into his hand and he realized that he'd let her lead him far away from the Great Hall. A rancid stench hit him and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and his protest that he was also a first year student died before he could utter it.
His eyes went to Daisy who had traded her diadem for a turban she had probably stolen from Professor Quirrel at some point. "Troll… troll in the dungeons. I thought you ought to know."
Then she rolled her eyes up in a bit of comical overacting and fell face first into the floor.
He was very tempted to stab her with the sword in his hand. It probably wouldn't hurt her much, but it would feel pretty satisfying. On the other hand, it might actually annoy her, and he wasn't certain he wanted to deal with an annoyed Daisy. Happy Daisy was bad enough.
His indecision cost him the chance, however, because the stench was quickly followed around the corner of the hallway by the appearance of a hulking green mass of muscle with a gigantic club.
"This is going to suck," he groaned as he raised the sword and prepared for battle.
oOoOoOoOo
"Use the boy," a voice hissed and Harry cursed internally. He cursed Quirrel. He cursed Snape. He cursed the splitting headache that had come over him suddenly. Most of all, he cursed Hermione 'Daisy' Granger for leading him into this trap.
He hadn't wanted to get mixed up in a quest for a Philosopher's Stone - which had come entirely out of left field - and he definitely didn't want to get mixed up with whatever was going on with Quirrel. He was also painfully embarrassed that the man had gotten the drop on him as easily as he had.
As he stared at himself in the mirror, he had a fleeting image of himself surrounded by peace and quiet before the morbid curiosity about what, exactly, this Philosopher's Stone actually was started to creep in. He didn't really want the thing, but maybe a little peek would be alright?
The version of Harry in the mirror winked at him and produced a red stone that it slipped into his pocket. After that, the entire atmosphere in the room seemed to change. Daisy was there - not trapped behind the flames which she had shoved Harry through after force feeding him a potion - and her hand was in his pocket.
"Yoink!" she declared and tossed the stone up in the air before making it vanish into that magical storage space she called her 'inventory'.
"No!" Quirrel screamed while Daisy cackled. "Give me the stone!"
"Finders keepers!" she screamed and flicked her wrist at the professor. Whatever she did sent him flying back to crash into a wall.
"Daisy!" Harry yelled in a mixture of shock, relief, and annoyance.
"Harry!" she yelled back in a voice that held none of those things. "Want to kill another guy?"
"What? No!" he denied. Of course he didn't want to kill someone! Did she think he was as insane as she was?
oOoOoOoOo
"You killed the shit out of him, Harry," Daisy congratulated him a few minutes later as he stood over the smoldering pile of ashes that had once been his Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
For Harry's part, he couldn't stop staring at his hand. Somehow, the touch of his hand had burned the man to death, and he wasn't sure if it was because it had been the shade of Voldemort or it had just been more of Daisy's insanity rubbing off on him.
"I didn't mean to kill him," he protested weakly.
"Of course you didn't," she agreed in a patronizing tone as she patted him on the back. "You just get these urges and people end up dead around you. I understand."
"No, really, why did that kill him?" he half-mumbled.
"Which 'him'? Quirrel was the human equivalent of one of those cheap chocolate eggs that has a hard shell but the inside is all hollow and maybe filled with goo that's probably gone bad because it was made like a year ago and kept in storage for the next Easter. One good poke might have done him in. Voldemort was probably a ghost and you know how ghost rules work."
He hated that he did know how ghost rules worked. He had been in plenty of dungeons where the ghosts were normally unbeatable unless you used some specific method to defeat them after which they just kind of melted away. He supposed that being touched by the person that originally killed them would probably count as one of those methods.
Daisy clapped her hands loudly and made a show of dusting them off. "Well, we had better get out of here before they come looking and find us standing over a corpse. That'd be awkward to explain."
Harry looked at the ashes again and while he wouldn't really call it a corpse, it was vaguely person shaped.
Daisy looped her arm around his. "Come on, let's go make ourselves an alibi. You'd think with all of the murders you commit, you'd be better at covering your tracks."
Harry's headache, which had actually been getting better with the departure of Voldemort, was suddenly back in full force. He didn't even have it in him to protest that this was only the second person he had killed - because that really didn't sound like the kind of defense a sane person would make.
I thought about wedging something in about the Dragon, but decided to just skip it. Daisy handled that BS off screen.
Error29
The Wandering Reader
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Oh my god, hahahaha I'm dying of laughter. This is insanity, and I love it. Oh poor Harry
shakeval
Versed in the lewd.
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So has Harry been partied up with 'Daisy' this while time, cause I'd think Quirrelmort would be worth some experience and I'm guessing that troll would have been too now that I think about it, does Harry have a character sheet of some sort and how strong is he compared to the average adult wizard?
Barbaric_Bob
[Barbarus-Maximus]
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the gremlin energy on this gal, i love it
Swordchucks
Experienced.
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This is a Gamer story, but it's not really about stats. Harry is definitely stronger than he otherwise would be, but it isn't a focus.
shakeval
Versed in the lewd.
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Ok, let me rephrase that, does Hermione have a way to view Harry's physical improvement as she drags him through situations most dubious?
Swordchucks
Experienced.
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He can certainly see his own sheet and she probably has some rough idea. He mentioned stats a bit in the first chapter.
coffee11
Getting some practice in, huh?
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I always wanted write op si gamer hp fanfic. I read almost all of them but I thinks this is gonna be best so far even just 2 chapters. there are no unnecessary hate-bashing, like ron (11 years old who got isolated person in wizarding world-basically villager) always some awful guy who all the problems of this world. seriously almost half the si fics bashing ron lol poor child. hermione always "brightest witch of age" routine. super annoying real fast. you can rationalize to hermione being spy by dumbledore who train occulemcy just as easily ron is being bad guy, but some reason is super rare hermione bashing. most people dont suspect hermione's unnatural memory than ron fanboying harry. more than half of si follow-befriend hermione, other characters is not like real person to them. if you really think about it, 11 years old girls must same to si, +30 ıq or few quote from books is no difference to si who got adult mind in child body. just as dumb of rest of 11 years old.
I am ranting, point is this gamer story didn't pitfall all the common mistakes, simply go for fun stuff I love crack fics
lol poor child. hermione always "brightest witch of age" routine. super annoying real fast. you can rationalize to hermione being spy by dumbledore who train occulemcy just as easily ron is being bad guy, but some reason is super rare hermione bashing. most people dont suspect hermione's unnatural memory than ron fanboying harry. more than half of si follow-befriend hermione, other characters is not like real person to them. if you really think about it, 11 years old girls must same to si, +30 ıq or few quote from books is no difference to si who got adult mind in child body. just as dumb of rest of 11 years old.I am ranting, point is this gamer story didn't pitfall all the common mistakes, simply go for fun stuff
I love crack fics 
modjodjodjo90
Getting sticky.
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What is this absolute insanity? I love it!
Akuma-Heika
The Devil Exists Within
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It's adorable that he thinks he is still sane
ChainsawNagitana
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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I can see her trolling the Shit out of Albus and a painting on the wall having PTSD about it being another Merlin.
JessieJim1
Getting some practice in, huh?
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I like the story
Kuriboh1233
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Honestly, I feel like I SHOULD think this is the stupidest thing I've ever read but I'm loving it.
Hylas_Daemonem
A Colony of Ghosts
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This is absolutely hilarious. Thank you.
Smashed Avo On Toast
Absolute Legend
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Was this crossposted on space battles?