I take a deep breath as I step out of the scrying cave. Time to go back. It's over. And...
The worst part, as I think about it, is that the entirety of what I witnessed, the great brunt of what I just saw... it could have been one of
my plans. No mercy and no quarter. The enemy something less than human, to be disposed of by any means necessary. Anything and everything permitted in order to save humanity.
Is this what the others saw when I took out Lancelot and Gareth? When I had Jeanne Alter and Caligula killed mid-conversation? When I gave Vlad free rein to slaughter as he pleased?
Am I like her?
Do I
want to be like her?
-the little Caster, still just a girl, the glowing arrows splitting her apart, one eyelid dangling loosely by a thread from her ruined eyesocket, fluttering ever-so-slightly at the base of the arrow embedded in her head like some grotesque parody of a lowered flag, gasping as-
No. No, I don't want to be like her. I don't want to be anything like her.
But, my strategy, my targeted plans of attack, they're
what I do. Can I leave those behind? Can I really just stop doing what's made me so effective thus far? If my methods are necessary to saving humanity, and I abstain from them because they're morally wrong, isn't that the greater evil?
But, at the same time, can I really go through with them? Can I plan like I used to, now that I've seen what my own type of strategies look like without the thrill of victory dulling my sight?
I don't know.
Come on, Charlie, get your head in the game. It's not over yet. Just keep it together a little longer, and then, once you're back on Chaldea, you can work through your newfound crisis of morality on your own time. For now, steel your shoulders, and settle your mind.
Gravitas.
I straighten up, and focus on the world around me.
"-if you can hear me, say something!" Roman shouts, and I belatedly realized that I must have been a bit too absorbed in my own thoughts.
"I can hear you."
"Good," he sighs. "You just... spaced out for a bit there, after you left the cave. You all right?"
"I'm-" I start, a lie of my solid and whole mental state on my lips before I stop, thinking the better of it. "No, but I'll manage for the rest of the Singularity."
"If you say so," Roman acquiesces, looking at me with unabashed worry. I'm probably in for some counseling when I get back. "Anyways, now that you're back with us, I can finally tell you what I've been trying to tell you for the minute or two: the Singularity isn't beginning to collapse."
"WHAT?"
"The Rogue Servants aren't dissolving, the World hasn't started its corrections, and the geography hasn't started to normalize."
"We secured the Grail, right?" I ask, my mind racing.
"Yes. And we've confirmed that its previous owners have been terminated." Roman says, shaking his holographic head in frustration. "Without the power of a Holy Grail, the Singularity shouldn't be able to maintain itself."
"The power of a Grail..." I echo, my mind racing. And then it settles.
I need to find Elizabeth.
---
"Flynn. It's done?" Drake says in greeting as I walk into the secured clearing that houses the
Hind's crew.
"Almost." I say. "We've secured the enemy Grail, but for some reason, the Singularity still isn't settling itself properly."
The crew's reactions to that little tidbit are varied, but I keep my eye on Elizabeth. She winces, just the tiniest flinch, and her hand goes to the Grail in her belt loop almost unconsciously.
Theory confirmed.
"The current presiding theory is that the Singularity is being supported by
two Grails, and not just one." I continue. Galahad enters the clearing, rejoining me as I requested telepathically a few minutes ago. "Elizabeth, could you hand over your Grail for a moment so we can test it?"
She takes a step back as everyone turns to look at her, her hand tight around the Grail. Her eyes dart around as she realizes that she's cornered.
"Does it..." she stops and clears her throat, blinking tears out of her eyes. "Does it have to end?"
Drake looks at her sadly. "Elizabeth..."
"I-" she starts and stops a few times, her voice failing her. "I don't want this to be over! I don't want to go back! I know it's selfish, but..." she's well and truly crying now, tears rolling down her cheeks. "This... this journey? Sailing with you all and having adventures? For the first time in my life, I felt like I was free! I could be anyone! Do anything! This... this has been the best year of my entire life!" The rest of the crew is crying now, and Drake's face could be carved from granite. "I don't want to go back to the palace, surrounded by rules and scheming, with everyone trying to control me, or make me into something I'm not. I don't want to go back to having all that power and responsibility, just because of who I was born as! I want to stay! I want to go on more adventures with you all! I want... I don't want this to end. I want to be free."
"Elizabeth," Drake interjects, his voice stern, but with an undertone of kindness. "You can still be free when you go back."
"But… I just told you-"
"You told me that you
feel free here," Drake interrupts, his tone brooking no argument. "Elizabeth, tell me, do you think I'm free?"
"Well, yes!" she answers heatedly. "You're a man, you're a noble, you're the captain, you can sail anywhere you-"
"And does that make me free?" he asks. "I am your man through and through, my Queen. If you commanded me to die for you, I'd do it in a heartbeat. And no, it's not because of who you were born to, it's because I know you, and I trust you. And even setting aside that I couldn't betray you, there's my wife back home. Do you think I would ever do anything to hurt her? Or to hurt my crew?"
"I... no."
"We're not free creatures by nature, Liz. We bind ourselves to each other even when we try not to. If there's a man alive who's free from that, I'd hate to meet him. And even beyond that, there's laws we can't slip free from, be they that things fall downwards or that all creatures return to their Maker eventually."
"So, what, freedom's an illusion? Just another empty dream?" the young queen looks heartbroken at that.
"Yes, but it's a beautiful one all the same," Sir Drake affirms, actually smiling for the first time since I've met him. "No man or woman is free forever on this Earth, because freedom isn't something concrete. It's in the moments. It's in the rise of the ship on the swell, sun shining down bright in the brilliant blue sky and a soft breeze stirring the sea. It's in returning home and finding that they're still waiting for you. It rests in seconds and minutes, the brightest and briefest, the ones that make you feel like you're taller than the mountains, like if you reached out, you'd touch the sky. And that's not something that can be found only on the deck of a ship, Liz. It won't ever leave you."
"I..." she's crying still, and I am too, although for slightly different reasons. That was easily the most beautiful speech about freedom I've ever heard. Even if it came from a slave trader. "But.. do I have to leave you behind? You're my friends. The first ones I..."
"Idiot." Drake offers, wrapping his arms around her. "Queen or not, you're still one of us, come hell or high water, and nothing's going to change that."
The crew cheers in agreement, and the whole mess quickly becomes a group hug, leaving Galahad and myself sitting awkwardly on the sidelines.
Finally, they break apart, and Captain Drake clears his throat awkwardly. "And if any of you lot ever tell a soul that I ever said something that sappy, I'll keelhaul you myself."
"Aye-aye Captain!" they chorus.
Elizabeth turns to me, tears already drying on her cheeks, and a fragile smile on her face. She makes to hand over the Grail, but stops, hesitation written on her face. "Flynn? Could you... tell me about the future? Not anything important, just... what it's like. Is it..." she doesn't finish the question, but I can see it on her face.
"Is it worth it?"
I could give her a lot of answers, I suppose. A thousand words, and a speech to rival Drake's.
But in the end, there's only one answer that I can give.
"It's a place where people are free. Not everyone, yet, but more than there used to be. And maybe they're not as free as they ought to be, but they're freer than they were."
"I wish I could see it for myself." she muses as she hands Galahad the Grail. I realize, to a certain degree of surprise, that I do too.
The Grail slides into the shield, and the Singularity begins to dissolve.
And as the light of the Rayshift takes me, I see them for the last time. The Queen and her Captain, standing side-by-side.
