And so, with the previously neverending demand for more food supplies resolved through a literal miracle, life returns to normal, more or less.
I set about my routine, summoning new Servants and placating the old, interspersed with more lessons from Medea and my own sessions of plotting out which Servants to include on away teams with me.
Strategies form, albeit slowly, and, whenever we fire up the FATE system, I find myself silently praying that this time we'll get Fionn Mac Cumhaill.
The prayer is never answered, unfortunately. A shame. I suppose that having him along with us would just be flat out too easy, though.
We do get a few Servants, although they're... not exactly top-shelf.
---
"Oh. It's you. Splendid!" Hans Christian Anderson says as the light clears.
"Good to see you again too, Caster," I reply with a smile. "If you're interested, we've archived a lot of lost texts over the course of the Singularities. Shakespeare's working on a play as well."
"Hm. An interesting spread." Anderson notes with a smirk. "Did you set all that up to bribe me into not insulting you?"
"No, we just happen to have similar interests. I wouldn't go through that much effort just on the off chance that I might summon an exceedingly weak Servant who thinks himself a wit," I reply, which gets him grinning.
"Similar interests indeed. Very well, Master. I suppose I'll see what Chaldea has to offer." With that said, he heads off.
I'm glad I summoned him, honestly. He and I have surprisingly similar senses of humor.
---
"Servant Assassin. True Name Fuuma Kotarou." The red-haired ninja bows. "I will serve you faithfully, my Master."
"Glad to have you aboard," I say with my patented playing-nice-to-people smile. Honestly,
maybe I would've thought having a ninja in my service would be cool before my time in Chaldea, but I've met the Hassans. Compared to them, a ninja is just... boring. And considerably less useful. "Please seek out Dr. Roman for your work assignment."
---
"Servant Caster, True Name Geronimo," the familiar warchief says. "It's good to see you again, Flynn."
"Same here."
"I will not trouble you overlong. Dr. Roman's office is where we get our work assignments?"
"Yep."
"Good. I hope that my presence will be of some use."
---
"Servant Archer, True Name Euryale," the lavender-haired child says. "But of course you knew that already."
"I do indeed, Lady Euryale," I say with a smile that manages to look completely genuine.
"Is your version of Asterios still here?" she asks hopefully before backpedaling. "I'm only asking because the idiot was a really comfortable seat, that's all."
"Of course," I affirm, utterly deadpan. "He's here, as is your sister."
"Stheno?"
"No, Medusa." I manage to stifle my wince.
"Very well, then. Take me to them."
And so, the day's summonings come to a stop as I go to reunite a goddess with her loved ones. Asterios is easily found. Medusa, less so.
Eventually, a snickering Fergus mac Roich points us in her direction.
The few people in the halls give us curious looks as we go. I suppose Euryale riding on Asterios' shoulder is a bit of an unusual sight. But, soon, we're at the room Fergus told us Medusa was in. Fifth door on the left in Floor Three's first residential corridor.
As Euryale tells Asterios to knock, a thought hits me. The residential rooms are assigned outwards. Medusa was summoned late, too late to be assigned a room in this particular corridor. Actually, wasn't this room already taken? I think on it for another second. Actually, yes, I do remember, now! This was one of the Chul Kids' rooms! Why would she be-
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, no.
"Kind of busy at the moment, go away!" Cu shouts from inside the room, clearly irritated. "Can this wait?"
Euryale
freezes, fury in her eyes.
"Okay," I interject. "maybe we should-"
"Asterios,
break the door down."
The unfortunate portal is smashed to bits by the Bull of Minos, revealing both Cu (can't tell which one, since I can only pick them apart by their clothes, and he's currently not wearing any) and Medusa, both bare as the day they were born and in a fairly compromising position. I avert my eyes, both out of politeness, and a desire not to witness the train wreck unfolding before me.
"S-Sister?" Medusa asks, her voice squeaking as she pulls the sheets up to cover herself and Cu frantically, er… disengages himself. "Wh-When did you get here?"
Euryale, for her part, stalks towards Cu, hissing like a teakettle. Finally, she comes to a stop right in front of him, an accusing finger poking him in the chest as he tries awkwardly to cover himself and pull his tights up at the same time. "How dare you!?"
"Err... I'm sorry, I don't know you," Cu says, uncomfortably, covering his groin.
"I am the goddess Euryale!" she announces angrily. "The flawless divinity whose sister you were just forcing yourself on!"
"Um, Sister," Medusa interjects, her face as red as a tomato. "That's... not really what happened."
"Quiet, Meduseless, you're not a part of this!"
"I... sort of feel like I am, though," Medusa mumbles, looking down in embarrassment.
"Look, kid," Cu says, uncomfortably. "Your older sister's a grown woman, she can make her own decisions. I'm sure it'll be the same for you once you've grown up." He glances between Medusa and me for support, and then tilts his head in confusion. "Wait, why are you guys looking at me like that?"
"First, you force yourself on my little sister," Stheno seethes, her fists clenched and her face a mask of unabashed
fury as she looks up at the poor, doomed fool. "And now you
dare to insult my beauty? ASTERIOS! KILL HIM!"
"Asterios, don't do that," I interrupt, stepping into the room. "And Lady Euryale, please calm yourself. Let's discuss this like rational adults, instead of just jumping straight to murdering your sister's boyfriend."
"Boyfriend's pushing it," both Medusa and Cu say in unison.
Euryale gives a wordless scream of fury.
'
Georgios, place yourself between them, and mediate this.' I order.
"As our Master has commanded, we shall discuss this as rational adults," Georgios pronounces, materializing between Euryale and Cu, who's finally managed to get the bottom half of his jumpsuit back on.
"You're supposed to be a saint! How can you condone this?" Euryale screeches.
"Was this union consensual?" he asks Medusa, who nods. "Then I cannot protest it. I will, of course, be happy to conduct the marriage ceremony."
"Marriage?" both Medusa and Euryale shriek, while the blood drains from Cu's face.
This… may have been a mistake...
---
"Oh, thank God that's over," I mutter as I trudge back into the Summoning Room. "Two more spins, right Marjani? Just fire it up."
The rings spin, and .. ooh, another Servant!
"Yes, lowly Master of Chaldea! It is I, Gaius Caligula! I have returned to lead you to new heights, and bring ruin to your enemies!"
Oh, no. Alright Charlie, power through the headache, come on, you can do this. We need to keep him out of the way until we can figure out how to control him properly. Wait, wait, yes! I've got it!
"Worthy Emperor, Chaldea has languished in your absence!" I wail, hamming it up. "Even the greatest of heroes of yesteryear have faltered in the face of the enemy that plagues us!"
"Tell me its name, good Master, that I may strike it down!"
"We languish beneath a plague of snipes, Glorious One! Even the sharpest eyed of heroes cannot spot them, even if they stood in the third-floor storage closet in which the foul beasts make their home! Only you can find them, although I don't doubt it will take some time, and save us all, o third and greatest of the Dioscuri triplets!"
"It shall be done!" Caligula bellows, dashing out the door.
I sigh in relief. "All right, Marjani, fire it up one last time, and then I'm off to get some aspirin."
The rings spin, and... "Yes! You have summoned me, the fearless Jaguarman!" the cat-suited weirdo shouts from atop the platform. "Just remember, I'm not a tiger! I'm a jaguar!"
"Neat. Any interest in being a janitor?" I ask, massaging my temples.
"No way, Jose! I'm too important for that!" the
woman in a fucking catsuit says. "Give me a big job, like field commander!"
"I'm field commander," I say, feeling my irritation rise.
"Well, are you doing it well?" she asks.
Okay, that is
fucking it. "Actually, we only have two positions available for you: Janitor, or
fur rug. May I ask which opening you wish to fill, so we can get you started right away?"
"Janitor!" Jaguarman squeaks, face deathly pale. "Definitely janitor!"
"Excellent! Roman will give you the rundown, and I'll expect the stains in the hallway to have been cleaned by tomorrow morning. Well then, off you go!" And with that said, I head off in search of aspirin.
