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Iron Dawn [Horizon Zero Dawn, Marvel CU]
- Thread starter Cereburn
- Start date
Cereburn
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Reposted Chp 5.
As someone suggested I keep the original and fixed version, the original is hidden in a spoiler if you'd like to compare.
Mostly this fix is addressing the plot hole of the sensor left by the village earlier.
As I've been told I could typo for America should the event be sportalized, I also fixed some of those.
Cereburn
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I find myself trying to world-build in a world someone else already built. Some of this is because we are in a non-canon area, but I think I'm also just getting distracted by writing down how I think this part of the world and its people got to where its at.
I bring this up because I remember in other stories I've read, I've felt a few times that the author was stuffing too much unneeded stuff between the action. I've felt the same about some stories documenting long conversations that don't really show off anything new about the people or what is happening. It seems to be unhelpful filler.
The closest I think I've come on what I've posted to this was in the last chapter were I spent a lot of time figuring out ways for Tony to make stuff.
What do y'all feel about that? Too much? Maybe show the method once, but then assume it happened again later without details?
I bring this up because I remember in other stories I've read, I've felt a few times that the author was stuffing too much unneeded stuff between the action. I've felt the same about some stories documenting long conversations that don't really show off anything new about the people or what is happening. It seems to be unhelpful filler.
The closest I think I've come on what I've posted to this was in the last chapter were I spent a lot of time figuring out ways for Tony to make stuff.
What do y'all feel about that? Too much? Maybe show the method once, but then assume it happened again later without details?
Tzeentch
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Considering Tony's legendary intellectual and engineering prowess, access to nanites, and now has F.R.I.D.A.Y., an A.G.I., to help him out, I'm DEFINITELY looking forward to seeing what tech he might acquire from the Machines, Cauldrons, Focuses, etc, and then rapidly improve on them over the years!
STARK: (looks at Far Zenith) Flight, personal shielding, shapeshifting weaponry, Immortality? Is that all you've got? Come on, I basically figured all of that out AGES ago! I mean, even the Cauldrons I've personally Overrode and then upgraded now have better nano-assemblers than what you've got! However, I will admit that I DO like the "white and gold/everything's an I-Pod" look your architecture and machines have. Gaudy, yet tasteful, VERY "Nouveau Riche".... but I'm guessing that, lazy as most of you are, you probably had your A.I.s do most of, if not ALL the work in building this complex. Am I right? Of course I am.
STARK: (looks at Far Zenith) Flight, personal shielding, shapeshifting weaponry, Immortality? Is that all you've got? Come on, I basically figured all of that out AGES ago! I mean, even the Cauldrons I've personally Overrode and then upgraded now have better nano-assemblers than what you've got! However, I will admit that I DO like the "white and gold/everything's an I-Pod" look your architecture and machines have. Gaudy, yet tasteful, VERY "Nouveau Riche".... but I'm guessing that, lazy as most of you are, you probably had your A.I.s do most of, if not ALL the work in building this complex. Am I right? Of course I am.
Last edited:
Chapter 6: Not Lake Placid
New
Cereburn
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Chapter 6
Nialo worked with the fishers to pull the floating bridge back to the shore. Every pull of the rope felt like the walls of the world were being pulled back in on him. Now he would be trapped with his mother, her friends and their unending gossip.
Earlier this morning, one of the other patrollers spotted the snapmaws coming back into the lake from downstream. Usually they were not a threat as long as you did not attack them, but they would always tear apart any logs blocking the waterways, including their bridges. Boats in the water would also be targeted, but if you rowed to the short fast enough, they'd ignore you. From this, they had learned years ago that if they made the bridge on floating logs and pulled it out of the way before the maws came, they would ignore them. Any logs that ended up floating away from the shore would get frozen and shattered by the snapmaws.
He recalled the story of the one explorer that thought he could explore the world by floating down the river. He was not fast enough to get to shore, so the snapmaws ate his boat and supplies. He jumped from the boat and tried to attack, he managed to knock loose a piece of armor, but then the eyes of the snapmaw turned red and it rolled over, swung around then caught him and they say he shattered after it froze him like any other log.
He hoped this would be one of the times where they took a few laps of the lake then proceeded up stream. Sometimes, they could be seen digging out the bottom of either the river upstream or downstream or the lake in certain spots or just float, as if asleep. Sometimes after sleeping for more than a day, they'd randomly wake up and move on. Either way, right now they were leaving him stuck on an island that seemed to become smaller and smaller every time he was trapped on it.
---
As Tony walked back down the trail, he waited on updates from their sensor and spared some time to imagine improvements to his travois solution. It was working, but the single wheel only worked right when he held both poles, trying to one-hand it while trying to clear anything in front of him left the travois trying to twist its way out of his other hand. He continued to distract himself from the time required to move such a short distance on foot with the options to fix his design.
A few miles later, Friday fed him images of the snapmaws finally crawling over the downstream lake bridge/dam. He looked incredulous at the clearly robot alligators on a pre-historic scale. Going through the sensor overlays, he observed they were a little over 30 feet long each, appeared to have similar Musculo-skeletal features as the eye-dino he'd found earlier and were definitely the source of some of the short-range beacons they'd picked up previously. Infrared images showed part of the machines appeared much colder than the surrounding body, some kind of sacks around the neck. Also shown were some of the panels on the back appeared to be multifunctional, they looked like photovoltaic panels, but thermals showed they were also being used to radiate heat, the delta was nothing crazy, about 40 degrees C above ambient. In his world, mixing solar power and heat did nothing for you unless you were in arctic temperatures.
He wished he'd tested cutting the metal of that one carcass he'd found, or even tried shooting it with his hunting gauntlet. From what he found, unarmored sections should be vulnerable to both, but he did not want to be in a position where he needed test on a robot alligator that could scare the crap out of the monster from Lake Placid. If Betty White's character were here, what would she feed it? He had no handy cows.
Judging from the sensor feed, the alligators were splitting up and patrolling the lake in opposite directions; one moving south then east, the other north then east to meet back up on the other side where the upstream feed of the lake was likely at.
As long as no one did anything stupid, they might even just move on upriver before he could get there. He and Friday both pondered the creatures as Tony walked, looking at possible weak spots and what other things they might learn.
---
Another hour of walking and observing showed the alligators repeated their patrol of the lake a few more times then came to a spot on the south side of the lake and sat floating with their solar panels just above the surface of the water. He could now see them for himself as he'd just arrived back at the spot he'd been at before.
"Friday, any progress with the signals you're getting from these guys?"
"No Boss, they're being pretty quiet right now, no new broadcasts since they stopped moving."
Tony stepped away from the shore and put down his travois behind some nearby trees then returned to watch. He then shifted his sight to the right and looked at the island village.
"Anything new from our village friends?"
"The few conversations I've picked up were prayers for them to proceed up river soon. They seem to be praying to the 'Mother of the Waters'. I've heard mention of The Mother before, but this is the first time they've apparently started calling on her with the full name since we started recording."
"Anything interesting conversations about her?"
"Not so much Boss, so far the times it comes up are in greetings, goodbyes and pleas for various character improvements."
"Let me know if any of the kids start getting a lesson about their water mom, that sounds like an interesting lesson. So nothing about taking any action about these guys?"
"No Boss, although I did hear someone telling a teenager a horror story of a guy that tried to fight one and got frozen and broken into pieces. The teenager is now reconsidering how to prove his manhood."
"Frozen and broken into pieces? Are these guys are using cryogenics as a weapon?" Tony began scanning back through the recorded video again, but found no examples of these guys even opening their maws.
Looking around, he decided to see what they'd do if presented with some trash in the water. He looked through the underbrush and found a few branches after a short walk; apparently these village guys do clean up around here occasionally. He walked back to the shore, took another look at the alligators to see if they were facing him, they weren't; he tossed in the sticks as far as he could, which ended up being about 30 feet from the shore then he retreated into the woods to watch through the sensor.
Nothing immediately happened for a short while, about 5 minutes later though one of the robo-gaters turned to look in the direction where Tony through the sticks then began swimming towards them. Tony rechecked the feed from the sensor, as the angle on the swimming machine wasn't a direct line to the woody trash, but on a trajectory to where the current was taking it. So these guys could anticipate target positions. Definitely good to know.
When the snapmaw intercepted the trash, the eyes turned yellow then it opened up its big mouth, but then something unexpected happened, it sprayed the branches with liquid that was clearly very cold, the branches turned white with ice frozen to them from the river. After the spray stopped the machine snapped its jaws and frozen shards of the branches exploded around it. The snapmaw refroze and snapped any pieces larger than about foot then proceeded to swim upstream, its eyes still yellow and, he assumed, looking for the source of the trash. However, after it passed his previous position on the shore, it did not stop, just kept swimming on its previous patrol around the lake. Finally, it stopped next to its partner and resumed its floating vigil; the eyes returning to their previous blue color.
I definitely need to report these guys for not posting a no swimming sign.
"How do you think our holo-shields would do against that spray, Friday?"
"The shield itself would be fine, but the emitters would likely freeze up after a few hits and short out. What're you thinking Boss?"
"I'm thinking I don't want to test how well the shields will work against that while I'm wearing them."
"Lets go north around the lake and see if we can find where they've got their tied up bridge at, maybe we can find a good spot to wave at them and talk."
"Ok, Boss."
---
After walking a little more than a quarter around the shore of the lake, they were relieved that the snapmaws took no notice of them and they finally got a look at the other side of the village.
This side was much closer to the shore than the downstream side, it appeared they were only about 70 feet from the short of the lake. Hanging above the water was a pair of ropes fasted about 5 feet above the water level from what looked like a large log post on the shore supported by a cairn of rocks surrounding it and further re-enforced by the ropes continuing down into another log buried at a 45 degree angle and covered with a pile of rocks anchoring it to the shore. The other side was attached to a pillar of rock jutting from the cliff near a path leading up into the village, from this angle, they could see it was about half slope and mixed with hand carved steps.
Along the shallow shore below the cliffs were several floating flat top barges pulled up on the shore and tied down to rock anchors in the dirt. Each barge also had poles on the ends about 6 feet tall with what looked like wooden J-hooks clearly meant to ride on the ropes and keep the bridge in place when in use.
Tony briefly considered the rather girthy ropes and wondered what they were using to make them. They looked like hemp ropes, but he'd not seen that plant so far. They also looked strong enough to support someone's weight by themselves and made a note to himself to look at rope tools he might use.
Continuing to walk around the lake, they also spotted the upstream feed of the lake, this did not seem to be a fallen bridge like the other side, just a wide creek leading west and a bit of a curve northward, likely leading back to the Hudson. It was southwest of the bridge anchor, about 50 yards. Around the bridge anchor was a fairly wide, cleared area of beach with evidence of fire pits, some grass roofed rain shelters and places to sit and likely work. Tony could see an area with flat stones that might be for threshing wheat and some large hollowed out stone bowls likely used to grind it.
Clearly, somewhere around here were some harvestable grains, so these weren't just fishers. Something to ask about later. Speaking of asking, Tony looked across the lake back to the island and found not only the bridge, but a few people hanging around the top of the stair/slope to the village and he waved hello at them. One of the kids waved back while an older woman clearly told another kid to go tell someone about the guy waving at them.
"Ok, Friday, time to setup a show; I hope we can do better than the cable shopping network."
Nialo worked with the fishers to pull the floating bridge back to the shore. Every pull of the rope felt like the walls of the world were being pulled back in on him. Now he would be trapped with his mother, her friends and their unending gossip.
Earlier this morning, one of the other patrollers spotted the snapmaws coming back into the lake from downstream. Usually they were not a threat as long as you did not attack them, but they would always tear apart any logs blocking the waterways, including their bridges. Boats in the water would also be targeted, but if you rowed to the short fast enough, they'd ignore you. From this, they had learned years ago that if they made the bridge on floating logs and pulled it out of the way before the maws came, they would ignore them. Any logs that ended up floating away from the shore would get frozen and shattered by the snapmaws.
He recalled the story of the one explorer that thought he could explore the world by floating down the river. He was not fast enough to get to shore, so the snapmaws ate his boat and supplies. He jumped from the boat and tried to attack, he managed to knock loose a piece of armor, but then the eyes of the snapmaw turned red and it rolled over, swung around then caught him and they say he shattered after it froze him like any other log.
He hoped this would be one of the times where they took a few laps of the lake then proceeded up stream. Sometimes, they could be seen digging out the bottom of either the river upstream or downstream or the lake in certain spots or just float, as if asleep. Sometimes after sleeping for more than a day, they'd randomly wake up and move on. Either way, right now they were leaving him stuck on an island that seemed to become smaller and smaller every time he was trapped on it.
---
As Tony walked back down the trail, he waited on updates from their sensor and spared some time to imagine improvements to his travois solution. It was working, but the single wheel only worked right when he held both poles, trying to one-hand it while trying to clear anything in front of him left the travois trying to twist its way out of his other hand. He continued to distract himself from the time required to move such a short distance on foot with the options to fix his design.
A few miles later, Friday fed him images of the snapmaws finally crawling over the downstream lake bridge/dam. He looked incredulous at the clearly robot alligators on a pre-historic scale. Going through the sensor overlays, he observed they were a little over 30 feet long each, appeared to have similar Musculo-skeletal features as the eye-dino he'd found earlier and were definitely the source of some of the short-range beacons they'd picked up previously. Infrared images showed part of the machines appeared much colder than the surrounding body, some kind of sacks around the neck. Also shown were some of the panels on the back appeared to be multifunctional, they looked like photovoltaic panels, but thermals showed they were also being used to radiate heat, the delta was nothing crazy, about 40 degrees C above ambient. In his world, mixing solar power and heat did nothing for you unless you were in arctic temperatures.
He wished he'd tested cutting the metal of that one carcass he'd found, or even tried shooting it with his hunting gauntlet. From what he found, unarmored sections should be vulnerable to both, but he did not want to be in a position where he needed test on a robot alligator that could scare the crap out of the monster from Lake Placid. If Betty White's character were here, what would she feed it? He had no handy cows.
Judging from the sensor feed, the alligators were splitting up and patrolling the lake in opposite directions; one moving south then east, the other north then east to meet back up on the other side where the upstream feed of the lake was likely at.
As long as no one did anything stupid, they might even just move on upriver before he could get there. He and Friday both pondered the creatures as Tony walked, looking at possible weak spots and what other things they might learn.
---
Another hour of walking and observing showed the alligators repeated their patrol of the lake a few more times then came to a spot on the south side of the lake and sat floating with their solar panels just above the surface of the water. He could now see them for himself as he'd just arrived back at the spot he'd been at before.
"Friday, any progress with the signals you're getting from these guys?"
"No Boss, they're being pretty quiet right now, no new broadcasts since they stopped moving."
Tony stepped away from the shore and put down his travois behind some nearby trees then returned to watch. He then shifted his sight to the right and looked at the island village.
"Anything new from our village friends?"
"The few conversations I've picked up were prayers for them to proceed up river soon. They seem to be praying to the 'Mother of the Waters'. I've heard mention of The Mother before, but this is the first time they've apparently started calling on her with the full name since we started recording."
"Anything interesting conversations about her?"
"Not so much Boss, so far the times it comes up are in greetings, goodbyes and pleas for various character improvements."
"Let me know if any of the kids start getting a lesson about their water mom, that sounds like an interesting lesson. So nothing about taking any action about these guys?"
"No Boss, although I did hear someone telling a teenager a horror story of a guy that tried to fight one and got frozen and broken into pieces. The teenager is now reconsidering how to prove his manhood."
"Frozen and broken into pieces? Are these guys are using cryogenics as a weapon?" Tony began scanning back through the recorded video again, but found no examples of these guys even opening their maws.
Looking around, he decided to see what they'd do if presented with some trash in the water. He looked through the underbrush and found a few branches after a short walk; apparently these village guys do clean up around here occasionally. He walked back to the shore, took another look at the alligators to see if they were facing him, they weren't; he tossed in the sticks as far as he could, which ended up being about 30 feet from the shore then he retreated into the woods to watch through the sensor.
Nothing immediately happened for a short while, about 5 minutes later though one of the robo-gaters turned to look in the direction where Tony through the sticks then began swimming towards them. Tony rechecked the feed from the sensor, as the angle on the swimming machine wasn't a direct line to the woody trash, but on a trajectory to where the current was taking it. So these guys could anticipate target positions. Definitely good to know.
When the snapmaw intercepted the trash, the eyes turned yellow then it opened up its big mouth, but then something unexpected happened, it sprayed the branches with liquid that was clearly very cold, the branches turned white with ice frozen to them from the river. After the spray stopped the machine snapped its jaws and frozen shards of the branches exploded around it. The snapmaw refroze and snapped any pieces larger than about foot then proceeded to swim upstream, its eyes still yellow and, he assumed, looking for the source of the trash. However, after it passed his previous position on the shore, it did not stop, just kept swimming on its previous patrol around the lake. Finally, it stopped next to its partner and resumed its floating vigil; the eyes returning to their previous blue color.
I definitely need to report these guys for not posting a no swimming sign.
"How do you think our holo-shields would do against that spray, Friday?"
"The shield itself would be fine, but the emitters would likely freeze up after a few hits and short out. What're you thinking Boss?"
"I'm thinking I don't want to test how well the shields will work against that while I'm wearing them."
"Lets go north around the lake and see if we can find where they've got their tied up bridge at, maybe we can find a good spot to wave at them and talk."
"Ok, Boss."
---
After walking a little more than a quarter around the shore of the lake, they were relieved that the snapmaws took no notice of them and they finally got a look at the other side of the village.
This side was much closer to the shore than the downstream side, it appeared they were only about 70 feet from the short of the lake. Hanging above the water was a pair of ropes fasted about 5 feet above the water level from what looked like a large log post on the shore supported by a cairn of rocks surrounding it and further re-enforced by the ropes continuing down into another log buried at a 45 degree angle and covered with a pile of rocks anchoring it to the shore. The other side was attached to a pillar of rock jutting from the cliff near a path leading up into the village, from this angle, they could see it was about half slope and mixed with hand carved steps.
Along the shallow shore below the cliffs were several floating flat top barges pulled up on the shore and tied down to rock anchors in the dirt. Each barge also had poles on the ends about 6 feet tall with what looked like wooden J-hooks clearly meant to ride on the ropes and keep the bridge in place when in use.
Tony briefly considered the rather girthy ropes and wondered what they were using to make them. They looked like hemp ropes, but he'd not seen that plant so far. They also looked strong enough to support someone's weight by themselves and made a note to himself to look at rope tools he might use.
Continuing to walk around the lake, they also spotted the upstream feed of the lake, this did not seem to be a fallen bridge like the other side, just a wide creek leading west and a bit of a curve northward, likely leading back to the Hudson. It was southwest of the bridge anchor, about 50 yards. Around the bridge anchor was a fairly wide, cleared area of beach with evidence of fire pits, some grass roofed rain shelters and places to sit and likely work. Tony could see an area with flat stones that might be for threshing wheat and some large hollowed out stone bowls likely used to grind it.
Clearly, somewhere around here were some harvestable grains, so these weren't just fishers. Something to ask about later. Speaking of asking, Tony looked across the lake back to the island and found not only the bridge, but a few people hanging around the top of the stair/slope to the village and he waved hello at them. One of the kids waved back while an older woman clearly told another kid to go tell someone about the guy waving at them.
"Ok, Friday, time to setup a show; I hope we can do better than the cable shopping network."
Last edited:
Cereburn
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Chapter 6 is up. I hope you enjoy it.
No teaser for Chapter 7 ready yet. I"m currently traveling this week, making time to write has been resource sparse.
No teaser for Chapter 7 ready yet. I"m currently traveling this week, making time to write has been resource sparse.
It occurs to me that I forgo tot have Tony temper the steel of the knifes, so they will be a bit soft and bendy. hmm...I think I'll have to write around it. Quenching in water isn't as good as quenching in oil for this, but it is still better than no tempering.
Now I'm worried about what else I forgot.
Now I'm worried about what else I forgot.
Cereburn
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Teaser Chapter:
Chapter 7: Fire Sale
On the beach opposite the village, Tony found a well used firepit dug into the ground. Deciding on making a show of tempering the blades, he started looking for the things he'd need to make a quenching vessel. A sheet metal tub being unavailable and not wanting to "magic" one out of what looked like nothing, he decided to something similar to when he made molds earlier, just on a larger scale. The cutting laser, he was going to blame on re-making what he saw one of the machines doing. Tony, as always, wanted his reputation to be earned for stuff he made not mystical hooky-pookism. He mentally pushed back inconvenient thoughts of Clark's law; hoping his tech wasn't too far removed from other stuff they'd seen that they'd believe it too was magic.
He walked about a bit looking for any fallen trees, not finding any; he assumed the villagers already cut any of those up for firewood, he instead found a tree about 50 feet back from the shore on a small rise that appeared to be dying, it looked like a previous storm had pushed it over about 40 degrees, pulling up part of the rootball and damaging the taproot. Some quick work with his cutting laser and a few trips with his unloaded travois brought several logs near the fire. First, he cut in half a log that was about 12 inches in diameter and about 3 foot long. As before, he then built a fire and set those two longs to lean over the fire to start burning out the heart of the logs.
While the fire was going, he went back through the logs and started cutting a few more into some sized for sitting on and put those around the fire on the opposite side of where he was going to be working. A clear invitation to the villagers to come over when they decided it was safe.
Although his ego pricked him a bit here so he did not resist making a rough stool for himself using a 2 inch log slice, he then cut four holes in a rough square and began searching through the branches of the fallen tree for appropriate sized legs. After a little careful work to cut round two inch long tenons in the legs, he put them into the holes, then trimmed the branches down so it'd sit level. Giving his stool a test, it worked fine. He set the laser to a lower power to burn instead of cut, then burned his initials into the chair, "A.S."
F.R.I.D.A.Y., deciding to be a bit cheeky chimed in, "Boss, you forgot an S."
Chapter 7: Fire Sale
On the beach opposite the village, Tony found a well used firepit dug into the ground. Deciding on making a show of tempering the blades, he started looking for the things he'd need to make a quenching vessel. A sheet metal tub being unavailable and not wanting to "magic" one out of what looked like nothing, he decided to something similar to when he made molds earlier, just on a larger scale. The cutting laser, he was going to blame on re-making what he saw one of the machines doing. Tony, as always, wanted his reputation to be earned for stuff he made not mystical hooky-pookism. He mentally pushed back inconvenient thoughts of Clark's law; hoping his tech wasn't too far removed from other stuff they'd seen that they'd believe it too was magic.
He walked about a bit looking for any fallen trees, not finding any; he assumed the villagers already cut any of those up for firewood, he instead found a tree about 50 feet back from the shore on a small rise that appeared to be dying, it looked like a previous storm had pushed it over about 40 degrees, pulling up part of the rootball and damaging the taproot. Some quick work with his cutting laser and a few trips with his unloaded travois brought several logs near the fire. First, he cut in half a log that was about 12 inches in diameter and about 3 foot long. As before, he then built a fire and set those two longs to lean over the fire to start burning out the heart of the logs.
While the fire was going, he went back through the logs and started cutting a few more into some sized for sitting on and put those around the fire on the opposite side of where he was going to be working. A clear invitation to the villagers to come over when they decided it was safe.
Although his ego pricked him a bit here so he did not resist making a rough stool for himself using a 2 inch log slice, he then cut four holes in a rough square and began searching through the branches of the fallen tree for appropriate sized legs. After a little careful work to cut round two inch long tenons in the legs, he put them into the holes, then trimmed the branches down so it'd sit level. Giving his stool a test, it worked fine. He set the laser to a lower power to burn instead of cut, then burned his initials into the chair, "A.S."
F.R.I.D.A.Y., deciding to be a bit cheeky chimed in, "Boss, you forgot an S."
Cereburn
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I'm trying to remember to write in the flaws that Tony has; even in Endgame where he was older and a bit more chill after, what I assume to be a crap load of therapy after his return from Thanos' world Tony was still plenty ready to toot his own horn and be in control of whatever it was that he was involved with.
I've also done more edits to chapter one and reposted that. The old version has been put into a spoiler if you want to compare.
I've also done more edits to chapter one and reposted that. The old version has been put into a spoiler if you want to compare.
I'm also thinking, due to having teenage hormones again, at some point he's going to see a pretty girl and perhaps backslide a bit into his playboy ways.
Keep in mind, Aloy isn't even incubating yet - there will be no slash content with her and Tony.
Thoughts?
Keep in mind, Aloy isn't even incubating yet - there will be no slash content with her and Tony.
Thoughts?
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