Jao
(Verified Lemon Drop Addict)
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- Sep 27, 2022
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I'm a little lost in the sauce here. But what is this war even really about? It feels like Tom is running a social revolution for the disenfranchised by using the elites as a bunch of useful idiots?
Should Harry even want to win here?
To top it all off he was too upstanding of a citizen to break into places he knew would be easy targets (Cough, Malfoy manor!) and steal everything not bolted to the ground.
Knowing that the money and property stolen from him was siphoned off to Death Eaters to recoup their losses from bribing their way out of prison nearly made him lose control of his magic.
Professor Minerva McGonnagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
"I agree." Albus confessed, much to the horror of some present. "In fact, I've changed tactics into working from that assumption for some time now. Hence why I fired Sybill this morning."
and now he has lost their trust because he did, in fact, lie to them and defraud them using his knowledge of alternate futures
I really wish people (read: authors) would realize that the Fidelius Charm is intended to hide A SECRET, not a place. If it does hide a place, like in canon three times, it's because that place is intimately related to the secret in question, not because that's the only use of the spell. I've only seen one author use the Fidelius more creatively than "hide this place", probably because JKR herself didn't, but the way it's described in canon it's far more versatile than she ever showed and in fanfictions about expanding the usage of magic it'd be nice if they... uhh... did that.
the agenda. An itinerary is a wildly different thing.
So, is McG the headmistress, or is Albus? It can't be both, and if it's not Albus then he has no authority to fire a teacher.
No he didn't. And while he now knows that the DE are essentially "stealing" from him and many other families' potential inheritances, he's still not done anything about it, including defrauding them using knowledge of alternate futures. He should, but he hasn't. And he definitely hasn't done that to any of the people in that room.
he absolutely did. And it's not the death eaters who stole from him, it was the ministry of magic/government. The Death Eaters who successfully sued for damaged are not the thieves here. His own biases notwithstanding
Canada did one where they just straight up gave a number of homeless individuals 7500 dollars and acted shocked when, instead of using it to overdose on crystal meth, they used it to get their lives back together.
You are aware that there are nearly three billion women on the planet, are you not? Nearly a hundred million of whom are witches
When teaching somebody to fight you don't teach them to kick, you teach them how to punch, block and dodge, as they are far more effective, whereas professional martial artists strongly debate if kicking is effective in a fight at all.
The sky is blue because air oscillates light in the blue spectrum faster than red, plus our eyes are more sensitive to blue light
Dumbledore, the man he considered a grandfather figure, the man who had risked the fate of the entire world just to save Harry's life and give him a chance at happiness.
Because he was too much of a coward to trust and put his faith into a man that, in another world, put all of his trust and faith into him.
When did Harry lie to the people in that room? Did I miss something? That chapter went over pretty much every interaction he had with any of them, even second-hand.
You're right, though, that it was the Ministry who stole from him, but on behalf of the DE who knew precisely what they were doing, since they in large part own the Ministry.
administrator
Crystal meth wasn't even a thing in the 90s, and that study in Canada was in 2018. If you're going to go off on political diatribes at least make them fit the timeline!
Better yet, don't go off on political diatribes in fanfiction! It's... gauche. Plus why is Harry so obsessed with the goings-on in America? American companies, American natural disasters, American everything. He was a British Quiddich player; when did he have the time to keep track of all kinds of muggle happenings a whole ocean away, and why would he do that? Is it just so that the author can shoehorn in political rants disguised as conversation? Because honestly, this entire section just sucks! Most of the rest of the chapter isn't bad.
"Both grandpa Crabbe... and whom? The sentence isn't complete.
Wait, so one in 30 women is a witch? And magic is still a secret? Literally everyone on the planet would know a witch or two. This math makes canon a joke.
Tell that to a kick-boxer, MMA fighter, etc. Also, why would Harry even "know" this?
Why would Harry know this? Again, he's a Quiddich player who dropped out of middle school to become a wizard, and dropped out of wizard school to be a vigilante. Yes, Hermione was his friend, but she did the same thing! Harry's coming across as more and more of a Gary Stu, and I'm liking him less because of it. Let him be good at what he's good at, not a know-it-all. He's in his 20s; up until 18 he knew none of this sort of thing, and what we've read about his career after that gives him no reason to know about it either.
Uhh... what weird AU is this?! Dumbledore in canon hid EVERYTHING from him!
And Harry ahs lied about being a seer, while most of his actions are based on actual knowledge of the future. This is deceiving.
Weird choice of things to be offended by. Another guy got offended by me talking about the catholic church doing the same. Why aren't you bothered by that? Is it because you can be objective when cunts you disagree with do evil but not ones you do? Here I am criticizing both.
Why aren't you offended by the dotcom bubble joke? If the retardation of the housing crisis is political then so too is that. Grow up.
For actual combat? Go talk to a marine or a navy seal. You know. People who kill and risk death.
I'm not into Dumbledore bashing. Or Weasley bashing. Or bashing any character really. Dumbledore really did risk the entire planet to give Harry a chance at surviving the killing curse a second time, and it required him to keep Harry in the dark. If Harry knew he could survive, then he wouldn't have been able to come back. This is canon.
Except he never actually told anyone that he's a seer. They all assumed he's a seer because he knew things about them, but he never told them that. He never so much as implied it. And... in this story for some reason he actually IS a seer given all of his "feel the world" stuff and all it implies. There's literally no reason that he should "lose the trust" of any of those people, both since he didn't once lie to them and since he never actually sought that trust in the first place. That whole bit really felt like plot railroading rather than natural human interactions. The entire crew ran off along some mental side path, then when their own assumptions went too far they got suspicious, but nothing Harry did had anything to do with any of it.
It's the "criticizing both" part that offends me in the first place, not the jokes or opinions in themselves. I don't read fanfictions so that I can be lectured about current or past events, no matter what the opinion or side you choose. I frankly don't care what you think about the church, the Clintons, the housing bubble, and so on, but putting those opinions into a fanfic that has nothing to do with any of them annoys me. It's not about objectivity or offense; it's just not what I'm here to read, and I suspect that's true of most of your readership. If you want to write opinion pieces about those things, go forth and do so, but don't shoehorn them into a fanfic in such an artificial and intrusive way.
You said "when teaching someone to fight", not "when teaching someone to kill". And generally not even marines kill with kicks or punches. That entire response seems almost irrelevant.
I'm nitpicking because your Harry seems to be becoming a worse know-it-all than early-canon Hermione, with opinions and presumably experience about everything, and it reads more like he's an authorial mouthpiece than an actual character. He feels less and less like a person, let alone the person who was named Harry Potter, and that's a problem since I as a reader am supposed to relate to him as the main character. Even after reading the following chapter where for some reason they spent lots of time in America I just don't feel like this Renaissance Man Harry makes any sense at the age of (somewhere in mid-to-late 20s). I do love what you did with Draco and Dudley, and find it believable, but Harry just knows too much stuff, and acts like he has the experience and knowledge of four people, only one of whom was a double dropout.
That's one interpretation, and I won't even get into whether or not it's valid. But from the perspective of the person who was mistreated by EVERYONE on that path, including many of his friends and allies, because of some of Dumbledore's decisions, him feeling like he does in this story feels unrealistic. Even 10 years of reflection later. Whatever Dumbledore's reasons, Harry was ground up to dust because of his decisions.
Angelina
and now he has lost their trust because he did, in fact, lie to them and defraud them using his knowledge of alternate futures.
And Harry ahs lied about being a seer, while most of his actions are based on actual knowledge of the future.
1) I said he was deceitful, not that he lied. these are different things.
Law enforcement and military don't even debate, they go with hands and restraining.
The record speaks for itself.
They mostly go with shooting or bombing. And, again, you said "fight", which in every single context in this story so far has been duels, which is sports. This isn't a war story, so how is a reader supposed to know that suddenly you're talking about warriors rather than sportsmen? This is part of the problem with getting up on a soapbox in the middle of a story: it's not clear when or why you're doing it because it doesn't fit into the story.
Expect to lose readers if it doesn't fit the story. It's your story, and you can do whatever you want with it, but things that take the reader out of the situation at hand (e.g. by being anachronistic, being things the characters shouldn't know or care about, etc.) never, in any story, adds to the narrative. People complain all the time about how characters in some stories are authorial mouthpieces rather than coherent and believable people, and even when it's a side character it detracts from stories. As the MC, it's worse. That's the last I'll say about this.
"Because the whole town has a bugaboo about you being a seer." Ollivander preemptively answered his next query.
Uh oh. Was it because he got a get well soon bouquet for Mr Marchbanks in anticipation of the upcoming attack? Or had one of the examiners leaked something? Did he need to pay the Figg family a visit?
"And where did they get that idea?" Harry dared to ask.
I make jokes regularly about peoples sacred cows, and I try to be inclusive by extending the joke to all sacred cows.
Once again. Grow up. Become a more interesting person instead of... getting upset over a fanfiction?
When? He expected to get an A at best on his NEWT. It was only when he was asked to do the practical part when he realized that he actually COULD see that guy's future, and warned him about it. So the only time he acted as a seer (and still without saying he was one!), he already was one. And he never did so to or about any of the members of the Order. He helped Lupin's kid before knowing he even WAS Lupin's kid. He showed off that he could figure out matching wands (which has nothing to do with the Order) because he actually could, and never once claimed to be a seer because of it. He helped Bellatrix with her wand because it was his job. He dated her because the story wanted him to (*cough* because she was hot). He beat the snot out of Arianna because it was part of a test, and it was her that brought him up to the Order. They literally made up "Battle Divination" out of whole cloth at that meeting and Moody said it was suspicious that he had contact with two duelists, Ollivander (who isn't even a member), and Romulus. They're suspicious because of NOTHING. At no point in ANY of that did he lie, deceive, or even INTERACT with most of them. From the chapter:
He literally had no idea where any of that came from. How can one lie without even knowing about it?
Where? When? Point me to it. You wrote this and you can't. I just re-read it to find the above and it's all utter tripe that they're suspicious of him when they're the ones gossiping about nothing more interesting than him "banging" Bella.
Sure, but when his opinions sound to a reader like yours, that's when there's a problem because Harry no longer feels like Harry. He feels like YOU. If this were an SI story I wouldn't care because that's what I signed up for, but I want to read about Harry, not you in a Harry skin.
And again, in your personal life or in an essay or opinion piece that's great. In a fanfiction it's called word bloat. It has nothing to do with the story, takes readers out of the story, and is basically a waste of everyone's time. You can say "It's my right" all you like, and you're correct, but it makes for an objectively worse story. You seem to define "quality of readers" as "readers who agree with (or tolerate) me". I define "good story" as "story that is self-contained and self-consistent", which this one isn't when your MC feels like your SI. If you can't or won't see that then there's little left to say about it.
This story is mostly pretty good, but the frequent asides that have nothing to do with plot, character, or worldbuilding (or worse, actively contradict them) are annoying, no matter what they're about or which side they take. The very fact that they're IN the story is what's annoying.
Or, alternatively, you could choose NOT to be a dick when someone point out flaws in your story. Maybe you could try to improve your writing instead of attacking someone pointing out its problems.
The only thing I gave you guff for was when you tried to police my humor. I didn't make it universally offensive on accident buddy. That's not a bug, its a feature. One that sifts out the perpetually offended and invites in my fellow dicks who can hurl a good insult or offensive joke back at me. My people.
It was an overcast day with a light drizzle and hefty fog, which was rare weather for London (sarcasm).
it was considered to be inconsiderate by goblins to bring an infant out into public where their fussing would disturb other people. Bringing a baby onto a plane or into a theatre was about as inconsiderate as screaming racial epithets in a crowded place to them. Goblin culture had some excellent policies.
Humble, but tries to hide it behind a facade of self-confidence. But it is misplaced as he shows incredible wisdom for his age.
He recognized Rose Zeller doing her first essay on the levitation charm
It was Friday when he finally had his second class with the seventh years. Before he could even give them the same song and dance about clearing their minds Draco and Hermione handed him a twelve-page essay. Duel sided.
opportunity to get some practice duels with her and Viktor." Ahrry said
Not because you caught my typo, but because you missed my misspelling of acerbic and Halloween.
. found one!
Fan we just drop the archery and do firearms all week, every week?"
threadmarks are screwed, yeahHi! New reader of this story here, im not sure if anyone has said it, but (at least for me) the first chapter doesnt seem to be threadmarked? Just thought you should know! Btw it's really good so far!
In order, he had in mind Mandrakes, basilisks, trolls, trolls and the cruciatus curse. Every Halloween something happened to ruin his life, creatures chief among them, and while he had no intention of going down into the chamber to fight Slytherin's pet, it was still there, and Voldemort still had the power to set it loose at any time. If he decided to do so hoping to drive Harry out, he'd happily kill it again. In fact, he'd been procrastinating going down there because he was almost certain one of the horcruxes was down there
"The goal is to make the entire surface deform into little pocket spaces, like a mokeskin pouch, so the knives can be buried into it without actually stabbing the think underneath." She said. "It's kind of working
"I had far more injuries." Said fleur. "Nothing severe, just cuts that are quickly bandaged. Most of my members didn't even bother going to the hospital wing to have them properly healed."
"Alright kids, pay attention." Jacob said to the contingency of mostly Gryfffindors and Hufflepuffs. "The first rule of firearm safety to treat all weapons as if they are loaded. It is equivalent to treating your wand like it might the killing curse by itself on accident, a good perspective to have for some wands. The second is to never point a weapon at another person unless you intend to kill them. The third is to keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to fire."
He removed the tarp covering the long table to reveal a whole host of guns, er, firearms. Every variety Harry had ever seen and a few he hadn't. For a moment, Harry wondered where Jacob had gotten them, before a quick once over with his expanded senses showed them to be conjurations. That was damned good conjuration work, rivaling Marchbanks' conjuring of a model T back when he retook is practical newt exams. They were fully functional conjurations, save for the gunpowder which was real and Harry had paid for out of pocket.
"Fan we just drop the archery and do firearms all week, every week?" Complained Seamus. "Or at least have one day for the grenade launchers?"
In strolled Sinestra, Hagrid and Remus. He wasn't expecting to see them today.
"I also wanted to thank you for the lovely work you've done on the trails." Sinestra said, taking a seat on his desk. "It made for excellent night hiking, it is quite nice."
"Do you guys usually go out for night hikes together?" He asked.
"Indeed." Said Sinestra. "My classes are at night, and while I strive to be present for meals, I sleep between them. Night time is when I come to life."
"So it really is just personal paranoia on your part? Not a prediction of anything major happening on that day?" Sinestra confirmed
"Oh, we weren't." Said Sinestra. "I came here hoping to offer to take over the hiking club, seing as I go to bed just after it usually ends. Remus and Ruby wanted to offer their help again for your sanctuary. But they couldn't contain their curiosity over Albus' concerns."
he had in mind Mandrakes, basilisks, trolls, and the cruciatus curse.*
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Only think you're wrong on is N.E.W.T. FFnet won't let me use acronyms like that, so I just all cap it. I also can't use Mrs. Weasely or stuff like that. So I say Misses, and mister etc