MoSf reads Lord of the Land of Fire: Moved from TFF

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

So here's the deal, I was looking up some Rosario fics after I read both Big Human on Campus and He Who Fights Monsters. When who do I find but this guy, Lord of the Land of Fire. Who, from what I've heard on the grapevine, appears to be seen as a lighter version of Perfect Lionheart.

So after a few shots of liquid confidence I've decided to read through his Rosario fics and give out the nut&bolts of the plot in the simplest form possible.


But first:

Now without further Ado:
My (drunken) reaction to Unsealed Vampire; chapter by chapter.


So I waz readin this fic an heres how it goes.

Summary: Read the damn title!

Okay, First Tsukune Shows up to class and Nekonome says "yo wez all monstas here and humans get a cap in da ass" And Tsukune is all thinkin /lulz you kiddin right/ Then moka shows up and she goes up to Tsukune.

Moka: Yo lunch come with me!
Tsukune: *shits pants* Lolzkay!
Moka: I know you human!
Tsukune: No I aint!
Moka: yes you is!
Tsukune: Lolzkay!
Moka: From now on youz my bitch! I can sell you for a cigarette but not before I use sucking your blood as a substitue for anal raep! *Omnomnom*
Tsukune: Ahn~!
Moka: Take it!

Laterz
Moka: Oi I kidnaped this loli to teach you!
Tsukune: nozkay!
Moka: How dare you not agree with me bitch! *Bitchslap!*
Tsukune: Lolzkay!
Moka: How dare you agree with me! *bitchslap!*
Yukari: Ohnoz!

Later Yukari gets in trouble and Tsukune tries to act manly and protect her. Then Moka shows up and pwnz them all and Tsukune say "Lolzthanks!" and moka all bitchslaps him down.
Moka: My hand hurts so much from all the bitchslappin, no one pick on da loli so I dont have to bitchslap him as much!


Chapter 5 tabloid humor
Newspaper: Tsukunes a lolicon and Moka wants to tap dat!
Moka: Rage!
Tsukune: Lolz
*Bitchslap!*
Gin: Do I mak u horny baby? Do I make you randy?
Moka: Za Warudo! *PWNZor*
Tsukune: Lolsnark!


Shopping episode!
Tsukune: Flowers!
Moka: *Tsundere!*
Me: da fuck!?

Summer break
Tsukune: Kurumu be a trick
Moka: Humans are da real monsters!
Tsukune: Lolwat? *Gets Verbally bitchslapd*
Verbality!
Yukari: Desu! (This be abuse yo!)
Tsukune: No I just walked into a door, I totally deserved it!
Than Tsukune seduced Mizore and Summer start, Movie club gets ready to go film a pornomovie
Moka: Da fuck is dis!?
Prez: Lolz Love story!
Tsukune: Lulz
Clifhanger!


Next chapter
Moka: *Bitchslap* Humans r like dogs and moka aint into that shit! we reriting dis to a murder!
Tsukune: Despair!
*We on a bus! We on a bus! Look at us mothafucka cause we ridin on a bus!*
Moka: Oi lunch you actin more like a bitch than usual!
Tsukune: Don't Taze me bro!
*Creep Cliffhanger!*


Drama intro!
Moka: Bellkune stay away!
Tsukune: No Mokadward, I cant resist da sparklez!
Prez: cut! Needs more Yaoi!
Moka: Da fuck wrong wit u?
Tsukune: Oh Mokaward what am I to you?
Moka: My bitch! And would you look at the time!

Laterz
*Boom Leg shot*
Tsukune: Ohnoz!
Mook: u got a real perty mouth!
Moka: now Squeel like a piggy! *PWNZor*
Tsukune: *Swoon*



Romance scene
Moka: Oh Jackune
Tsukune: Oh Mokaward
Prez: Again! With moar Yaoi!
Moka: Innuendo!

*Bitchslap*
Tsukune: Da fuck!?
Moka: Trainin!
Mizore: *stalking* Bitch.
Moka: *slips*
Humilitality!


Date with Mizore!
Me: Fuckyes!
Tsukune: -Put it in
-put it in
-put it in
> -Buy moka flowers
Me: FFFFFUUUUUU-!


Mizore chapter!
Mizore: YandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandere
YandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandereYandere
Jerkass: Lol Imma warn Tsukune!
Mizore: YANDERE!!!!!!1!


Ommonous title!
Moka: I'm the prez, grovel before me worms!
Tsukune: Lolsnark!
Moka: Bitch did I just catch you having an opinion!?

Yukari: Desudesudesu! (Da Fuck man!?)

Mooks: We gonnaz kill da vamp! Need bait!
Tsukune: *PWNd*
Moka: PWNZor!
Mook used Splash! It was super effective!
Tsukune: Noz! *PWNZor*
Mizore: *Stalking!*



Short chapter!
Tsukune: Angst angst angst!
Moka: Yo shut up! *Kiss/mouthraep* You still my bitch! *Deadz*




stupid Title!
Hokuto: Omonous dialouge!
Tsukune: Must. Resist. Urge to FAP!
Me: Dood shez like in a coma!
Yukari: DesuDesuDesu! (thinly veiled come ons!)
Tsukune: -Put it in
-Put it in
-Put it in
> -Friendzone da loli
Me:FFFFFUUUUUU-!



Meanwhile inside moka's wet dream
Moka: OhNoz! Don't sparkle so close to me Tsukunedward!
Tsukune: I watch you sleeping an Fap BellMoka!
Moka: Oh don't be so rough! Let's have lots of helspawn babies!
Tsukune: RAEP!
Censered

Moka: *Wakes up* /Hmm what would be the most Tsuntsun response?
*DunDunDun!*





WTFtitle!
Moka did lots of Offscreen bitchslaps and raep to tsukune!
Moka: Bitch did I just catch you exsisting!? *Bitchslap!*
And so Tsukune seeks comfort in the arms of Mizore. Fuckin finally! I mean damn...
Tsukune: -Put it in
-put it in
-put it in
> -Buy mokaMizore flowers
Me: eh, it's a start.
Moka: Why has he not reacted to my Tsundere charms!?
Mizore: Yandere.






Title:Moka fucks up
Prez: Letz watch moby dick, lolz medofor
Moka: ...
Tsukune: Don't taze me bro!

Kurumu: Man, havin a harem sukz, Too bad Tsukune became such a tool.
Mizore: Girlfriend powaz go!
Tsukune: I feel less emo!
Kurumu: *Mr.Burns face* Excelent...

Hokuto: I love war Peace! Do you love peace Tsukune!?
Tsukune: Imma tool.
Moka: Oi don't talk to my bitch!
Hokuto: What if he don't wanna be ur bitch!?
Moka:...

Moka: Common bitch we leavin
Toolkune: Yes master

Headmaster: Come with me.
Cliffhanger!





Lying title!

Toolkune: Angst angst angst, moka's gone.
Yukari: ~Ding dong the witch is dead~!
Mooks: Der gettem!
Tsukune: WRYYYYY!? *PWNZor*

Mizore: I made you dinner.
Tsukune: -Put it in
-put it in
-put it in
> -"Wanna fuck?"
Mizore: Sure.
Me: Finaly!
*Offscreen smexing*




Return of the bitch
Tsukune: Time to look for moka, hey an abandoned shack!
Moka: Wah! Im sorry!
Tsukune: Da fuck!?
Moka: *Exposition!* Do you hate me?
Tsukune: fuck yeah!
moka: Wah!
Tsukune: Just kidding!
Moka: Yay! Lets be friends!
Me:

Unimaginative title!
Moka: EEK! y are you watching me sleep!?
Tsukune: Waiting for teh raep
moka: No more raep!
Tsukune: Awww...
Moka: ...Okay
Tsukune: Yay!
So after necking Moka and Tsukune go to school and act all loveydovey.
Yukari: DesuDesuDesu! (lets have a 3way!)
Tsukune: Lolno
Yukari/Me: Damn.

Mooks: Die!
Tsukune: Shounen hero powa go! *PWNZor!*
Moka: Blahblah u strongs as halfpire!
Unimportant character: Does unimportant forshadowing





Cheating title
Mizore: Yandere. ( I made you dinner)
Moka: Who's this?
Tsukune: My friend, Now I going to have dinner with her all night long~ OH!

Mizore; Yandere (If you cheat I'll fucking cut you)
*Smexing!*
Moka: What smells like Smex?





Confusing title
Kurumu: *Does something interesting*
Moka: Sorry mr.prez for caving you face in.
Hokuto: Whateva, hey come meet me latter in the secluded basement guys! I promise you virginities will remain intact by morning!
Tsukune: Too late for that! OH!
Moka: Wat?

Moka: Tsukune lets study!
Tsukune: Sorry I promised Mizore I'd eat her
Moka: her cooking?
Tsukune: that too

Mizore: Yandere (Censored)





Chapter Title
Obvious movie scene
Rhett: Frankly my dear, Fuck you.
Tsukune: Lolz Just like us, what a coincidence!

So they go to the basement and talk about shit.
Hokuto: Yo! I just got back from killing the dean, now Imma reveal monsters to the muggles, cause WwIII, kick a puppy, then take nap.
Tsukune: Not the puppy!
Hokuto: Transform and roll out! *Hokuto Evolved into UBW*
Cliffhanger!


Spoiler Title
Mizore: Yandere (Time to look for Tsukune, I sure hope he's not about to die and/or going to leave me for the bitchpire.)

Mika: Lol Typo
Tsukune: Shounen speach! Who the hell do you think I am!? *PWNz-*
Hokuto: Lolno *Curbstomp*
Tsukune: My organs!
Moka: Tsukune!
Tsukune: Awkward confession!
Moka: Transformu!
Me:

*Curbstomp fight*
Moka: I love you tsukune
Tsukune: And I love BDSM
*Smex*
Me: *Punchs fist through computer*
Mizore:

RAEG inducing chapter
Moka: What about Mizore
Tsukune: Fuck her! Bitch can hit the road!
Me: KILL!!!!1!

Mizore: YANDEREYANDEREYANDERE!

Tsukune: Oi lets break up! i'd rather smex moka than you!
Mizore: DIE!
Tsukune: Pleze don't kill me!
Mizore: Than go out with me during the festival.
Tsukune: Just dont kill me!

Festival
Kurumu: Hey mom meet the harem
Ageha: Nice...
Kurumu: Now fight for my love!

Moka and tsukune go on a date and Mizore stalks them.




Last Chapter
Mizore and Tsukune go on a date, then Mizore Kidnaps Tsukune, slits mokas thought, and tells Tsukune he's now her husband and he can never escape.

The end.

Will start My Snow girl later.

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

I have read the 1st 15+ chapters of My Snow girl. My reaction:

Yes I'm going to need to break out the good shit for this one. And yeah I'm gonna mostly just stick to his Rosario fics for now. But Knowing myself I will likely be comsued by my own curiosity and take a gander at the rest, only to be sucked into the horror never to return. God damn you future me! How dare you make me go throught that again!


So before I pass out in my own absinthe induced vomit heres My snow girl in a nutshell:
Sumory: Tsukune didnt become roadkilled by moka and that sumhow lead to him smexing up Mizore.

Ch1. filling in the plot hole.

So Tsukune is chillin after getin dropped off by da molester bus driver and hes thinking all "Man dis school be creepy as fuck" and the drivr tells him "Dis place scary, dont die for I can tap dat!"

than dis girl rides a bike all super fast and shes yelling "Get out da way bitchs!" And Tsukune get out da way "Lucky!" Than Tsukune trips an lands in some girls legs

Tsukune: Lolz Tripd
Mizore: No prob, Wez da OTP u gonna see it anyway
Tsukune: lets be friends I'm uninteresting Everydude Teen # 235
Mizore: Sure I be Yuuno Gasai Yandere-chan

And so it begins...

Dododo nowz we in class
Mizore: Hi~
Tsukune: Oh godz not teh raep!
But before da hot surpris buttsmex Nekonome comes in
Nekonome: Yoz mah bitchs! Dis be Youkai accademy an any noob humans come up in here gonna get curbstompd

Monstas: whiteMonsta Powa!

jerkass: Creepy evil dialoge!
Tsukune: Dat it Tsukune is out! Peace!
Mizore: *stalking*

Mizore: Hi~
Tsukune: *Screams like a bitch*
Mizore: Dont leave, if you do I cant stalkz you!
Tsukune: *Blows cover* Pleze dont eat me!
*awkward teen romance!*

and so Tsukune decides to stay so he can tap dat hawt snowgirl ass.




Chapter: Not too AU
Tsukune: Lolz Exposition!
Mizore: Lolz Backstory!
Mrs.Aono: Granbabies!

Blahblahblah brekfast
Mizore: Soylent eggs and bacon pleze.
Moka: Soylent juice fr me.
Mooks: Dat Ass!
Jerkass: Yo dat mah bitch! is Saiso gonna hafta choka bitch!?
Moka: Angstangstangst!
*uncomfortable abuse subtext GO!*
Mizore: Exposition! Remeber kids domestic abuse is serious... -ly hillarious!

*Time skip & Uncomfterble Rape subtext!*
Moka: I walked into a door! Angst anst angst
Me: Man this is getting kind of uncomfterble to read...
Mizore: *stalkin*
Tsukune: Man I wish Mizore were moar hawt an slutty like Kurumu.
Mizore: Im just shy *Freudian excuse!*

Moka: Help! NTR! help!
Me: Man wats up with all the rape, like damn man... seriously.
So Tsukune acts like a hero and goes chargin in
Tsukune: Leeroy JEEEENNNNKKKEEENNNNNSSSSS!
Jerkass: Saizo Smash!
*Even Moar creepy rape subtext!*
Tsukune: Shounen speech!
Mizore: I waz stalkin uz but now im bored. Now imma ice dis bitch lolpun!
Tsukune: Awkward romancing!
*Saizo used full restore, Oh$Hit Run!*
Saizo: Handz of mah bitch!
Moka: Transformu! I'm not ur bitch, u mah bitch!

Mizore: Tsukune becareful of teh sparklez!
Moka: pleze! Bitchs love teh Sparklys!
Swayed by his manly cologne and possible nekking Moka joins teh party!
Moka: *Stalking!*




Fanservice title!
Mizore: Hi~
Tsukune: (Screams liek a bitch)
Mizore: What smells like stained drawls? Oh an no snitchin to da fuzz.
*Awkward teen romance GO!*
Moka: *Eyehumps Tsukune*
Mizore: YandereYandereYandere.

And so time passes an Tsukune starts ashipping war by romancin up dat hawt Moepire ass
Moka: AngstAngstAngst!
Tsukune: Lol Logic!
Moka: *Bitchslap!* oh wait wrong fic... I mean Expostion! And thats why SMeyer is da bestest author of all timez! BTW I'm schitzo.
Tsukune: /Why is my harem full o crazy?/
And Moka tries to play grabass wit Tsukune but Mizore would not take dat shit.
Mizore: YandereYandereYandere. (hands off mah bitch, bitch)
Moka: AngstAngstAngst!
Tsukune: Lol FRIENDSHIP!
*Relationship +10, you have unlocked Nekking!*
Mizore: No.
Tsukune/Moka: Aww...

*Drama!*

Tsukune: *Walkin wit his hos* Dey see me rollin, dey hatin...
Moka: So yall dating?
Mizore: No.
*Friendzowne'd!*
Me: Wait wat? Then wat da fuck is this story about!?
So Mizore crushs Tsukunes dreams of possible smex and/or 3somes with the Friendzone speech cuz to her BF=husband. Moka seezs her chance.

In Class
Nekonome: Yo bitchz, you gotta go join a crew to fit in wit da humans! Join me at TMZ and ruin the lives of others for lolz an profit!

And Tsukune continues to burn down all of Mizores Flags. He then joins the creepy fanservice swimteam.
Me: This will not end well.

Blahblahblah, Mermaids attack, Mizore apears. Mizore kills both drama and mermaids with icebeam.

Also they joined the Newspaper club.

unoriginal Title!
Moka: Oh hi Tsuku-*deadz*
Mizore: Wasn't me.
moka: So hungry~.
Tsukune: Welp guess we gotta do nekking.
Mizore: Wat?
Tsukune: Friends let friends omnom on their necks for food. Ahn~
Moka: Take it.
One oddly Smexy and innuendo fill nekking session latter they head to club!


Gin: Lets split into teams, Tsukune you get 'Legs' I get 'Tits'. *grope*
Moka: *Bitchslap!* ...why do I keep doing that?

So Mizore goes to catch a peeper and Tsukune goes to interveiw someone*
Someone: It's Kurumu bitchs!

Shoutout title!
Tsukune: So you have gained the hatred of the entire female populous?
Kurumu: Oh thos bitchs just be jellin'. Now com over here and sit on my lap smexy...
*Offtopic flirting!*
Tsukune: So favorite hobby?
Kurumu: My Smexslave Harem!
Tsukune: That's nice... *Bishounen smile!* /Slut./
Kurumu: /dat asssmile!/ lol lets fly! *up up & away!*
Tsukune: *Screams like a bitch*
Dun dun dun another one bites the dust


Title; pics or it didn't happen
Tsukune: Teh horror...
Mizore: So how'd da interview go?
Tsukune: Kurumu is scary...
Mizore: YandereYandereYandere? (why were you interveiwing the class bicycle?)
Tsukune: Nothing happened!
Kurumu: Ohmy Tsukune, I didn't know you were a screamer, I'll be more gentle next time~
Battle Start! MORTAL KOMBAT!
Mizore: He's busy with me...
Moka: yeah, busy with us[/] so back off.
Kurumu: Well if it isn't Tsukune's just friends, he sure is lucky he has such pretty girsl to be just friends with...
Kurumu wins! Verbality!
Kurumu: See ya bitch! u 2 smexy.


Mizore: I like the ur article, espacially the part about you being a virgin loser who's never even had a date.
Moka: U can date me!
Mizore: You just want to eat him /and not in the way i want to/
Gin: So what happenin angels?
Moka: no means no! I mean I just wrote an article
"1001 ways to De-man a pervert"
Gin: ... So Wat bout you bro? ...Got Kurumu to 'take you flyin'? Nice~.



Later
Gin: Thanks for following me to this dark alley with no witnesses or escape route bro.
Tsukune: Lol sure!
Gin: Ominous dialouge! imma black Mail you so I can NTR the Sparklpire!
Mizore: lolno.
Tsukune: Not cool bro!
Mizore: Tsukune, why don't u get back to da kitchen and make me a sammich.
*Evil plotting!*
Mizore: Excelent~ oh and "EEK A Pervert!"
Angry Mob: Kill him!



Mint-Condition Title
After just having Gin get the shit kick out of him Mizore goes to Tsukune's room about that sammich.
Mizore: Celing Mizore is watching you sleep
*Backstory!*
Mizore: - Raep Tsukune
- Don't Raep Tsukune
> - Wait to Raep Tsukune

Nekonome: So Gin got curbstomped like a punk bitch. So he'll be in traction for a week.
Club: So?
Nekonome: Nothing I just though it was funny.
Mizore: Do you think Moka and Kurumu are cute Tsukune?
Tsukune: Er... Yes?
Mizore: So witch one should I ki- i mean Which one is cuter?
Tsukune: You?
Mizore: ...That's a thinker...

Chairman: Don't fuck with the newspaper club.
Kuyou: Sure.
Chairman: Good, that Nekonome be one crazy bitch.


Nekonome: Extra Extra! Read all about it, punkbitch gets foot up rectum!

Keito: What is they bidding my master?
Kuyou: It's a disaster, the newspaper we're after.
Keito: But if they could be lured to the darkside?
Kuyou: They'll never be our ally, So they must all die!
*Evil plotting!*



Stupid Title!
Kurumu: Howdy smexyness! I read ur article, how bout I help cure that pesky virginity problem of yours?
Tsukune: Mfmfmf! (Can;t breath!)
Mizore: Please stop hurting Tsukune with your oversized whore breast.
Kurumu: aw Tsukune, does it hurt so good? Now Come eat lunch with me
*Whack*
Mizore: No eye raep.
Kurumu: Damn.

Nekonome: Oy, this is Petyr, he's gonna join cuz I need a new Temp.bitch since the last one's in traction.
Petyr: my precious, they tryz to take the precious!
Tsukune: Lol FRIENDSHIP!

*Forshadowing!*
Tsukune: I think I'll interview Yukari next, I still need a loli for it to be a real harem...




Vague Title!

Petyr: Something somethin somehting Darkside.
Tsukune: So Yukari is a witch?
Petyr: Something something something Forshadowing.

Meanwhile Mizore is doing something mildly intersting. Which is more than I can say fro most of this story
Saki: Lol plot! I can see the future n Petyr can control fate!
Mizore: Bullshit, I'm out.
Saki: Wait, My extreamly vague fortune telling tells me U have met your OTP!
Mizore: REally
Saki: It's the entire damn plot, of course. Just gotta be vague for da suspence!

Tsukune: Thanks for the interview hopefuly this will help wit the beatings.
Yukari: DesuDesuDesu! (You so nice an smexy Tsukune!)
Tsukune: I'll do what I can to help. Friendship powaz go!
Yukari: DesuDesuDesu! (I wanna hav u babies!) *Glomps*

Kuyou: So how goes my unnecisarily complicated plan to destroy the newspaper club?
Petyr: great! next chapter someone dies!



Grimderp Title
Me: Great. A chapter focused on mister uninteresting, god I hope he dies soon so I don't have to put up with this anymore.

blahblahblah He can see the future of eveyone but himself, Tsukunes gonna grow up to be awsome Mokas gonna live a horrible life and ruin everyone around her. But Tsukune's incoruptible pure purity is healing her furture
Me: Wait wat?
Mizore: Blahblah blah, if you hurt Tsukune or Pinky I'll cut you.
Me: Wait, she actually cares for Moka? What is this I don't even...

Yukari: DesuDesuDesu (Tatsukette ToumaTsukune!) I don't want to die!
Mook: Hey thats our lunch!
Moka: Transformu! Is inner moka Gonna have to bitchslap someone!?
Gin: Woof Woof!
Me: Well chapters almost done so whos gonna die
Petyr: My heart! Oh cruel irony! I knew I shouldn;t have signed my Death Note!
Me: Lame...



Boring Title.
So everyone is attending Whatshisface's funeral. They tossed his ass in a muddy ditch and noone care
gin: Bro it's not cool to hog all the bitchs!

Mizore: Hello
Saki: Blahblahblah Pandora's Box! Blahblahblah Backstory! Blahblahblah Bullshit!
Mizore: Thank you for the unnecesary and lengthy expostion that reveils nothing we didnt; already know.
Me: god this is boring

Tsuntsun Title!
*Nekkin!*
Moka: Time for a quicky!
Tsukune: No! Not so rough~ Ahn~<3
Moka: You like it rough doncha, Take it!
Mook: I fuckin hate that bastard!
Me: You have my sympathies nameless mooks
Moka: *Smokes cig*

Teacher: *Eyehumps Mizore* *Acts creepy* Hey Mizore, how would you like to come into my windowless van for some candy and wine?
Me: Seriously is there some sort of quota this guy has to fill on Creepy subtext!?

Yukari: Desudesudesu! (Imma writen about studying!)
Tsukune: I suck at that shit.
Yukari: How about I give you some private lessons
Moka: Room for one more?
Me: (*g*) I like where this is heading
Yukari: Hands off mah man bitch!
Me: Wait wat?
Mizore: He aint your man
Moka: he aint your man either miss "Lets just be friends"
Yukari: *le Gasp!* Oh Tsukune let me sooth you with my DFC.
Mizore: Just go a-and be with those g-girls! I-It's not like I'll be jellin or nothing! Tsun~
Me:

Tsukune: *Despair!*
Moka/Yukari: /My chance!/
Yukari: Late night studying!
Moka: Romantic date!
Mizore: I-Im fine by my self. Tsun~
Tsukune: - Stick with the Tsundere Yandere
- Study sex ed with the Loli
> - Date the Moepire
- Wait for someone less crazy.
Mizore: Shit, should have just stuck to Yandere




ch.13 This will not end well.
Mizore: *Using highpower scope* hehe I can see ur bum Tsukune~
Kurumu: The fuck?
*Battle Start! Mortal KatFight!*
Mizore: Slut
Kurumu: Bitch
Mizore: Whore
Kurumu: stalker, u jellen?
Mizore: Tsukune still likes me better, Stalking is love!
Kurumu: Really? Is that why Naruto answer Hinatas confession after the battle? Bam!
*Kurumu wins! Logicality!*


Tsukune and Moka go ontheir picnic and Moka makes him a ton of delisous sammichs.
Me: I'm starting to question how much this guy knows of the sos material.
Meanwhile Mizore is stalking them and both Tsundere-ing and Yandere-ing out. Somehow.
Mizore: I-it's not like I like him, well I like him. No I mean-! I just want to snap her neck, nothing to do with how much I like Tsukune! tsun~

Tsukune: *going home* Awyeah, got me some lap action, that's like 3rd base in japan!
Mizore: YandereYandereYandere (How was your date?)
Me:

Tsukune: Fuckin' Awesome!
Mizore: Yandere~ (I know what you two did. You did 'this' and 'that'...)
Me:

Tsukune: Why do you care we're just friends?
Me: NiceBoatNiceBoatNiceBoatNiceBoatGET!
Mizore: Wah! Why does eveyone keep calling me "Just Friends!"
Me: Fuck she dere-ing out of it. Man and I wanted to see some blood.
And so the night ends with Mizore going deredere and conning a date out of Tsukune. God I'm getting tire of all this "Will they wont they" crap. Just Smex dammit! Smex and end this bullshit already!



Recycled title
Mrs.Aono: Tsukune u went on a date, with a girl!? Ha, ur dad owns me 50 bucks! And your dating another one? bitch what u smokin an where can I score some?
Tsukune: Shit, how can get through this without getting cut? IDEA!

Tsukune: So wats ur shoe size?
Mizore: ...I though I was the creepy stalker

Tsukune: Date time!
Mizore: ...Tsukune whats in the big bulap sack?
Tsukune: It's a surprise, now lets go to a secluded area where no one can see or hear us!
Mizore: ...I'm starting to feel a little worried.

Tsukune: Surprise! we gonna have a snowball fight!
Mizore: u sure? I'm a yukionna, we can kill wit dat shit...
Tsukune: Whats the worst that can happen?
And so Tsukune got knocked the FUCK out!

Tsukune: Well the next part cant be any worse... ice Skating!
And amazingly he was right, Mizore was releved to learn Tsukune wasnt into feet and Tsukunes clumsiness got him got him some skinship and makin out! and everything just got sickeningly sweet.
Me: So I guess the fic is gonna end so- wait there's still 33 chapters!? How is that frikkin possible!? dear go how could I have missed that!? Christ I don't think I have enough booze to get through this...




And I'll stop here for now. Why?

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

...And I'm back from my friendly neighborhood seller of all things good and mind-altering to bring the next installment of My Snowgirl abridged. We last left off at the end of chapter 14 when Tsukune and Mizore seemed to get it over with tongued eachothers brains out. Unfortunately for my remaining brains cells the story is not even a third done, so now we find the status quo doesn't take being fucked with lightly.

On another note I have to say so far the only characters i actually like from his fics seem to be Kurumu, so far she's only appeared enough to have her character developed without being seen long enough to get it trashed, I am suspecting this will soon die after what happen in chapter 16. The other is Nekonome, though this is more to do with my inebriated brain replacing the one in the story with the one I made up for this abridgment, luckily I doubt I'll be sober enough while reading this for her to disappear. but I digress, now onto my suffering for your enjoyment!



And so I bring you:
The inebriated Abridgment of MySnowgirl by MoSf: Just when You thought it was finally over

Hawt title!
Tsukune: Be gentle it's my first time~
Mizore: Oh, I have lots of experiance, I'll guide you through this hands on
*overly long Inuendo gag!*
LotLoF:

Lols they only iceskating!


And then some more vomit inducing loveydovy crap and they french and go home.


Tsukune: Ahn~
Moka: Delicious! and why do you look like you got curbstompd?
Tsukune: I walked into a door! i was asking for it!
Moka: Let go see a movie. On a date! Cause we're a couple. and couples date. DATE!
Tsukune: Lolzkay!
Me: hmm, im getting a sence of dejavu
Mizore: Yandere...(DATE!?)
Me: NiceBoatNiceBoatNiceBoatNiceBoatGET!
Moka: Wez goin on a date!
Me: HERE IT COMES!!!1!
Mizore: ... I'm out.
Me: Fuckin copout! To make this interesting I'm going to take a shot every time this happens, if I get cheated I get drunker, if Mizore finally snaps I get to see blood. Win/Win!
Tsukune: whats wrong?
Me/Mizore: ...Are you frikkin serious!?
And so Tsukune is caught 2timing on a yandere and a "humanitarian". No mater how you look at it someone is going to ride the NiceBoat when this finally ends.
Mizore: I have the perfect, mature, adult solution to this problem.
Moka: 3way?
Mizore: Murder.
Moka: Oh god not the face!
Me: ...Well that was quick, but since there's still 32 chapter left I can only assume I'll get cheated again or this will quickly turn into School Days with monsters. I'm really hoping for the later.



ch.16 Karma karma karma karmaChameleon


Well hope is the firdt step on the road to disapointment. Good news! Kurumu to the rescue!
Kurumu: You know it's hard out there for a pimp~ Come my loyal smexslaves! Do my bidding and bust a nut!
Kurumu: ...Gawd this is easy, just flash some boob and they just keel over, god who knew teenage boys where so horny? Damn I hope my OTP isn't one of theze loozers, even Smexiness has more backbone.
Moka: Not the face!
Mizore: Die!
Tsukune: Stop the violence, can't you just share?!
Kurumu: Hmmmm~ My trollsenses are tingling.

Nekonome: What the hell are you doing you motherfuckers?!
Moka/mizore: It's her fault!
Moka: I'm better than some friendzoning Stalker!
Mizore: You'll just try to suck all the wrong fluids out of him!
Nekonome: Is Nekonome-sensei gonna hafta choke a bitch?! This is yo fault Tsukune, a true pimp don't let his hos run wild! You know what a real playa would do?
Tsukune: Choose?
Moka: Pick me?
Mizore: Let me kill the bitch?
Nekonome: Fuck naw! He'd keep his pimp hand strong, bitchs gotta know there place!

Mizore/Moka/Tsukune: Da fuck?!
Kurumu: Tolololol! Oi Smexyness, I want in on this!
Moka/Mizore:

Chapter 17: Moepire kryptonite

Moka: Oh god! Don't go in there! He's gotta stake!
Mook: Shut the fuck up!
So Moka and Tsukune are on a date at the movies. Monster movies being the inverse of regular slasher flicks. This... this is actually somewhat funny.

Flash back!
Mizore: Tsukune, you should date me, I'm in the title so it's inevitable. Also i'll cut you if you say no.
Kurumu: If Tsukune wanted DFC he'd go for the loli. Come Tsukune join the Oppai side of the force! ALL HAIL OPPAI!
Moka: I'll put out!
Gin: I AM IN DESPAIR! THE FACT TSUKUNE'S GETS MORE ASS THAN ME HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!!! God at least they don't wanna share him getting the harem end would just kill me.

Kurumu: Well actually...

Mizore: Slut.
Kurumu: So it's decided! Harem it is!
Mizore: Yandere! (Mine!)
Moka: Harem!

Mizore: ...Yandere. (Fine, Tsukune do you want a harem or do you want to live?)
Tsukune: ...Is there a third option?

So now Tsukune gets a harem and Gin is off to see doctor kavorkian. One step closer to Monster School Days...

...NiceboatNiceboatniceboatGET!

now back to the plot!
Moka: See ya!
And then sudently Ninja Mizore!
Tsukune: *screams liek a bithc*
Mizore: I waz in teh celings watchin U score. It was more uncomfotable than you in this Manatee gag.
Tsukune: wha-

flashback!
Kurumu: Hey Smexiness how about some nekked twister in my room?
Tsukune: What about your harem?
Kurumu: Well, if you like it that way...


Mizore: So... Want to stay with me for the summer?
Tsukune: Lolzkay!
Me: So Tsukune is staying a Mizore's for the summer, why do I have the feeling something terrible is going to happen?

"You don't really have a choice Tsukune," [Mizore] said pleasantly. "Just like the academy we have our own laws. Men who are brought here can never leave. No one will hurt you and you will be treated very well, but neither will you be allowed to leave. You don't need to worry though, this isn't a prison. You'll be well taken care of, and you won't ever need to work again. From now on your only responsibilities will to be a loving husband and father!"

Click to shrink...

Oh, that's why... god if it were anyone else writing this that would be fucking awesome.


Chapter 18

blahblahblah Mizore goes to have her fortune told by creepy orical girl.
Saki: Hey remember how I was all vague on ur OTP? It was Gin!
Mizore:

Saki: Trolololol! I'm just fuckin witcha! Nowaitnottheface! It's Tsukune! Also if he goes on the trip u get smexing but something vague and omnoninous sounding will happen!
Mizore: So? what's the worst that can happen?
Saki: Judging by the fact my cup split, it just went from sunny to pouring, and the walls are now bleeding I'd say alot.
Mizore: Fuck that I want my man! YandereYanderYandere!

So Tsukune is off to the Snow village to a certain dead end via Yandere. The two share a rather waffy moment and you can almost forget that this is all going to go grim derp at mach speed very soon.
Saki: Omonoius dialouge!



Chapter 19 Milfs, Fuck yeah!

So Tsukune and Mizore hop on Zelreitchs Magic school bus to travel to HothSnow village.
Gay MolesterClownBusdriver: Kekeke!
Tsukune: Bad touch!


Tsukune: Oh god who knew snowvillage would be cold?!
Mizore: Here comes my mother, btw if she asks everything I told her about you is real...
Tsukune: Wat?
Tsurara: Hello daughter, ara this must be the boy with the huge penis you told me about. I'd be honored to let such a man plesure my daughter all night! I'm Tsurara but you can call me MILFrara like everyone else!

MILFrara: So when am I gonna get me mah Granbaby!? I want at least 3 by the end of the year!
Tsukune: Teh fuck!?
Yandererara: Do you not like granbabies? That would make me sad, and when Im sad I get ...stabby...

Tsukune: Oh god I don't wanna die a virgin!
MILFRara: Than marry Mizore and let her fix that and get me mah Granbabies!


MILFrara: Ah he's just how you said daughter stained drawls and all!
Mizore: And whos falt is that?
MILFrara: Oh whats a little friendly stabbing between friends?
Mizore: ...Just stay and the kitchen and help make him a sammich.


MILFrara: Here Tsukune drink this milk, take a bath and wait in your room. Mizore will be by later to help you relax~
Tsukune: Why does this milk taste funny?
MILFrara: Oh that's just the Rohypnol and spanish fly.

Laterz
Tsukune: *Wakes up* Man am I ho-ooollly shit!
Mizore: ...Damn.
Tsukune: What would your mother say if she caught us!?
MILFrara: Room for one more?
Mizore: Sorry he woke up before I could use the rope.
MILFrara: Damn, maybe tomorow than.



Chapter 20: Snowpun!

LotLoF: The manga is superiour in every way! Long live the Grimderp!

Mizore: Wez going to see the flowers garden.
Tsukune: ...it's 5 in the morning.
Mizore: Yandere. ([CENCORED])

Mizore: These flowers have the same name as me. They say that they can conect 2 people together. ...By the hips. ...in bed. ...Fucking. Anyway when I was little I took a boy here.
Tsukune: I don't like where this is going...
Mizoore: He ended up running away crying "Bad touch" and "No means no!". I have to stay 50 meters away for the next 2 years.
Tsukune: Oh thank god.
Mizore: ...So~ wanna do it?
Tsukune: -"Yes"
-Put it in
-Do the horizontal Tango
> -Rock her, like a Hurricane.

Tsurara:

Chapter 21: The Snowgirl family
Their creepy and their kooky,
Mysterious and spooky
their all together ooky The Snowgirl family!

SmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmex
SmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmex
SmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmexSmex
Smex.
Tsukune: I had smex!
mizore: I want more Smex!
Tsukune: What if your mom catchs us having smex?
MILFrara: 3waysmex!
Mizore: Not now. ...smex
MILFrara: Smex laterz then.

Yeah, most of the chapter is just to recap teh smex and give cheap fanservice and laughs.

Mizore: Since we've hit the limit on Smex for a T rating we're going skiing.
MILfrara: Watch out for the yetti.
Mizore: Pft, what's the worst that can happen?
Tsukune: The walls are bleeding...
Mizore: That's a good sign.
MILFrara: So when can we have that 3way?





Me: Well that's it for now, but to tide you impatient bastards over here's a preview.
Next time on MoSf and the My Snowgirl Abridgment:
Tsukune: Weee! Smex!
Yetti: Graaaanomnom
Mizore: Get back in da kitchen!
Tsukune: My spleen!
MILFrara: Join us and we can have three ways as Mother and son-in-law!
Tsukune: Save me Moka Akashiya you are my only hope!
Kurumu: It's time for Operration Rescue SMexiness!
Moka: You want my badge nummber!? Here's my badge number! *Bitchslap!*
Yukari: Hurry don't let Tsukune start the bus! *kaboom!*
Kurumu: Everyone I told about the file is dead!
Jack Bower: Tell me where you're hiding the bomb!

 

[WizardOne]

Oh god, I remember Lotlof, his writing still feels bland as ever!

 

[Vindictus]

WHAT IS THIS CRAP AND WHY CAN"T I CARVE IT FROM MY EYES

[froths at mouth]

[goes into convulsions]

 

[Larekko12]

Oh God I was loling so much.


confession time. I actually liked his stuff the first time. It felt kinda funny and ate up the time. Like Cheesepuffs.

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

Imma Back! For those wondering why it's taken so long It's that I've got alot on my plate right, with job hunting and shit. Sure I wanted to procrastinate even more on releasing this but I had more important things to not do. And in a choise between earning money with which to support myself and afford that liver transplant in time or slowly kill myself with alchohal and drive self insane with shitty writing (from both the author and me!) I knew what not to do.

So yeah, I decided to just brew some toilet moonshine, I'm sure I just do the surgery myself with that liver I bought from the butcher's. It's likely I'll die from poisoning of some sort but it's worth the risk to get me some delicious Alcohol!

And now that I have ingested enough liquor that there's not alcohal in my blood but blood in my alcohol I am ready. Ive probably lost a good chunk of my brain cells (not to mention having gone through 3 livers) but probably not as much than if I read this sober. Ther little cell corpses serve as abarracade against this story.


Now back to regualary schedualed crap:
No way My Snow Girl can be this Abridged! A MoSf production in conjuntion with Boozahal studios.

Ch.22 Oh fuck...

rubadubdub Tsukune's in the tub!
Tsukune: Rubber duckie I love you~
Mizore: I see. /note to self: Duck is a threat, Eleminate!/
Tsukune: Gah! What bout your mother?
Mizore: You keep saying that, you want a 3way?
Tsukune: N-no! of course not!
Mizore: ... ah, good /Abort mission! Abort mission!/
MILFrara: /Damn, roger that!/

Mizore: Here's a tasty sammich!
Tsukune: Tasty Sammich is tasty!
Mizore: The way to a mans heart is through a Sammich.
MILFrara: So about my Granbabies...
Tsukune: I-wha-gah!
YANDERErara: ARE YOU DENYING ME MY GRANBABIES?!
And finally the turth is reveiled to Tsukune. blahblahblah they gotta marry by 17 or Mizore gets NTRed by da law. And for once the rape subtext is actually not LotLoFs fault, Progress!

Mizore: Time to ski
Tsukune: Didnt ur mom say somthin about a yetti?
Mizore: Like that'll happen...
Yetti: Did sumone say Surpriz Buttsmex?!

Mizore: Curse you dramatic Irony! Tsukune you have to press F!
Tsukune: Mizore I can't leave you even though you could probably escape if I wasn't here!
[Battle Start! Mortal Kurbstomp!]
Tsukune: Don't worry teh Plot will protect me!

Tsukune: Oh god teh plot?! *Dedz*
[Yetti wins! Fatality!]
Mizore: Wryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!?
Ranger: *boom headshot!* Did sumone say convient rescue? Oi get up you pussy, what kind of bitchass monster are you?! *Kickkickkick*
Mizore: He's human!
Ranger: ...You shittin me. You poor tarded bastard...





Ch.23 Teh Reveal!

Tsukune: /Oh god my organ! The coma it does nothing!/
Mizore: well... fuck.
MILFrara: Come on daughter, we need to get going, you can ride his pogo stick when he wakes up.
Mizore: AngstAngstAngst! IT's all my fault!
MILFrara: Yes yes it is. Because of you Tsukune's disco stick will never be the same again...
Mizore: I was talking about the law...
Milfrara: That too.
Mizore: Wah! Tsukune's going to h8 me! *AngstAngstAngst!*


Tsukune: Oh god teh pain!
MILFrara: Does it hurt?
Mizore: *AngstAngstAngst!* I narked that u human and now you can't leave anymore! I'm sad even though this is exactly what I wanted to happen!
Tsukune: Da fuck?!
Snow Priestess: Hello I'm Deus ex Machina, I'm like here to see Tsukune and totally hit the reset button.
DunDunDuuuuuun!
Me: ...

Chapter 24: Ms.McGuffin

DeM: To recap I'mma here because the author wrote himeslf into a coner and he needs me to fix it. Also to rant, lot's o ranting...
Tsukune: I want my mommy!
DeM: Well to bad bitch, man da fuck up! Ehem, Humans are teh true monsters an monsters are all victums and innocents and dracos in leather pants and dat shit!, Balahblahblah

Tsukune: Why does this sound familiar?
*Elsewhere*
Moka: Why do I have the urge to bitchslap something?
*Back at the ranting*
Dem: Oh and monsters never had wars, ohsure we divided into large groups that fought into each other over stupid things that ended when one side slughter the other to the last child but u humans are totally worse. Hypocracy! Blahblahblah!

Me: Oh god just shut the fuck up!
DeM: *dedz*
And sudently ghost chest buster!
Mizore: Ohnoz exposition! It's Jack Frost teh RobotSnowdevil!
Jack: Oi bitch, you want to leave? Howz about u make a deal with the metiphorical devil? And by metiphorical I mean literal and by "Make a deal" I mean "Let me fuck you over for my amusement"
Tsukune: Hmmmm...
Mizore: Noz Tsukune this won't end well!
Tsukune: Says miss "What's the worst that can happen?" Fuck dat shit!
Jack:MINDRAEP!!! Ominous dialouge!




cH.25: NERDRAAAAAAGE!!!!

MolesterBusDriver: Hows about a ride in my windowless van?
Tsukune: *AngstAngstAngst!* Im wearing a trenchcoat to hide what everyone knows has happend!
Mizore: Oh come on it's not that bad, your just being a bitch about this.
Tsukune: *AngstAngstAngst!*


*Back at Schoolz*
Tsukune: *Ditchs Mizore* *AngstAngstAngst!*
Sum otha sheit that happnd

Moka: What smellz like emo bullshit and spearmint?
Tsukune: Hey moka, i spent the summer sleeping with Mizore and her MILF.
Moka: Sleeping over?
Tsukune: That too.
Moka: Imma hungry let me nomz u!
Tsukune: Lolzkay! *Takes off trench coat*
*Sparklz*
Me: ...Th-there are no words that can express my rage right now...
So yes, Tsukune became a SparklepireYuki-onna. Despite the race being female. His skin looks like "fresh alabaster" Hair "now silver with a tinge of lavender", and his eyes "an amazingly pale and clear blue. And there were no pupils within those beautiful new eyes". And now I'm sure I have a soul, because I can feel it withering in agony. The only thing keeping me from jumping out the window is that i'm too drunk to remeber which way I need to fall.

Moka: *Spontaniously Orgasms* Bitchs love teh sparklyz...


Elsewere!
Saki: Ohgodnottheface!
Mizore: No body lies to Mizore bitch!
Saki: I don't lie, you smexed and something vague and ominous happened!
Mizore: Damn you and your logic!
Saki: look if I say you get married will you leave me the hell alone!?

Inner Moka: Mizore, you have some 'splanin to do!
Mizore: Oh fuck...




Ch.26 Exposition!

Moka: What happened? But first Omnomnom!
Tsukune: *cleans nails* Oh. yes. thats it. u teh best baby. mhm, oh done already?
Moka: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOZ!

Moka: Teh ice bitch is dead! Transformu!
I.Moka: IT'Z RAEPTIME!

Wild MOKA has apeared
Moka: Bitch you got some explain to do!
Mizore: I just took him home so I could fuck his brains out.
Wild Moka used Falcon Punch! It's super effective!
So Moka is beating the everloving shit out of Mizore. Is this it? Am I going to get my SchoolDays: Yokai Academy ver.? Could god really be so kind?
Moka: DieDieDieDieDIEDIEDIEDIEDIIIIIEEEEE!!! Why won't you die!!???
Mizore: Because... Fuck you that's why.
Moka:

Tsukune: Dynamic Entry! Halt or Sailor Tsukune will punish you in a sailor Fuku!

*Meanwhile in snowvillage*
DeM: Why did you do that? Now we either gonna all die in fire or Tsukune gonna go all Avatar on the humans.
Jack: For teh Evlulz!




Ch.27 Gawd, just get to the damn point!

Blahblahblah Half the chapter of Tsukune angsting on being a SparkleOnna (yes I know what that translates to but I'm lazy so fuck it.) Then Kurumu to teh rescue!

Kurumu: Smexiness!
Moka: Hands off bitch!
Kurumu:

Yukari: DesuDesuDesu! (Shut up cow, Flat chests are a rare status symbol!)
Tsukune: -Agree with Yukari "Let's hit the bedroom"
-Disagree with Yukari "All Hail Oppai!"
>_Friendzone Yukari "Call me Onii-chan!"
Yukari: But I don't want to buy a banjoo!

Nekonome: Listen up you little bastards! New semester and the Schoolfest is coming ups and theres going to be lots of work. So I need one of you little bitchs to do it for me! Since voting would be too much work lets say it's "The Wimp with Glasses"!


Kotsubo: Hey Mizore, you look awefull, do need to lie down naked somewhere?
Mizore: AngstAngstAngst!
Kotsubo: Well if you ever need a shoulder or penis to lean on my bedroom is always open.


Ch.28 bitchs love Da Blingbling!

Gin: So what's happening?
Moka: Wez partying cause Tsukune got ellected Nekonomes new "Go-to Bitch"
Gin: you poor tarded bastard... And what smells like spearmint and emobullshit?
Moka: Shit I have to protect Tsukune's secret despite it not really even matering! Gin lets go on a date laterz!
Gin: Fuck yeah!
Yukari: ...Da fuck just happend?

Yukari: So I herd you went to snow village?
Tsukune: Oh we just toured the village, ate lunch, saw the Snowruffy flowers, smex liek rabbits...
Yukari: What was that last one?
Tsukune: Saw the snowruffies?
Yukari: Snowruffies... Tsukune didju get some smexings?
Tsukune: ...er noooo?
Yukari: Oh good cause Snowruffies are the key ingredient to Magical daterape drugs!
Me: Le gasp! oh noez does dis mean all da smexing waznt lub smexing? Ugh LotLoF just keeps piling it on...
Kurumu: So what's happening?
Tsukune: AngstAngstAngst! So it wasnt tru luv!? Is that why you only do it from beind!?

Kurumu: Okay Now I'm confused, what'd I miss?
Mizore: Don't you trust me Tsukune?
Tsukune: AngstAngstAngst! But how can I trust anything!?
Mizore: ...U son of a bitch... *smokebomb!*
Kurumu: ...Seriously, someone tell me what the fuck is happening!

Tsukune: AngstAngstAngst!
Mizore: Take this McGuffin and go see the fortuneteller!
Tsukune: Ha, Fortuneteller? That's about as unbaleavable as this story!



And done. God that was an ordeal, who's the bastard that came up with the idea to read this!?

...oh, right. So now we're about 3/5 done with this piece of shit story but the farther I go the longer it seems. I fear booze is not going to be enough to make it the whole nine yards. For My continued suffering I demand offerings of Cake! Delicious boozefilled cake!

 

[Larekko12]

Gah hahahaahahahahahaha. Moka Smash!

Though I have to wander. where was that Vampiric strength for putting down stalker bitch I mean I don't recall yuki's being known for their ability to tank and all. While vamps are known for their abilit to punch tanks... in half.


Oh yeah I meant to say this but. Saizou's creepy rape subtex was always there. As well as Ginei on the full moon night.