My Adventures of Life: I live in Honduras, but I cannot speak Spanish

[GhostHaxStomp]

So, I live in Honduras. I also don't speak much Spanish. I recently got a job. Wrote the stuff that happened down on my phone, and my family thinks it's fucking hilarious.

I really want want a second opinion, so...

(For context, I got a job at an appliance repair shop)

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My third day of Work in the Place I CANNOT SPEAK SPANISH and THEY CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH:

Got told to clean a microwave. Didn't understand, so they thought I didn't know how. I did this yesterday. Finished easy. Wandered over to them (I was cleaning way in the back, isolated from everybody) and said I was done.

Told to do another, but this time clean all the separate pieces and then assemble it. How are microwaves put together? I don't know. Cleaned it. Assembled it. Microwave exploded when I turned it on to test. Tried again, worked perfectly. Just needed a good explosion I guess? Looked cool at least.

Took apart 4 TV's; 3 old, mid-90's ones that weighed as much as my brother, and a single flatscreen. Like, three people tried to use a screwdriver to get the glued on pieces of the flatscreen off, and when I pulled out my knife and cut it off with ease (sharpened it yesterday) they all slowly backed away. Cut all the stuff off.

Right after all the stuff was off I set my knife down. They came back, grabbed it. Think they couldn't open it. I showed off my cool, upside-down-flip-opener move and they seemed sort of impressed. I think. They didn't really say anything.

Tried to move the plastic sheets leftover to the garbage. Tripped. Stuff went flying. I got laughed at by the cleaning lady. (I learn during lunch that she is the Old Lady Grandmother figure to everyone {and the actual grandmother to junior. Go figure})

Got told to follow someone (think his name is junior; can't be sure. I'll just never mention anyone by name). Took me to the side room. Told me to grab a microwave. You know where this is going...

Took apart the microwave. Junior came back. I was just supposed to take out the control section. Sigh. Put microwave back together and carried it back to the side room.

Walked around for a bit. No one gave me orders for awhile. Junior got slipped a 500 and I got told to follow. We walked about half to 3/4 of a mile to a store, where we then waited in line for ten minutes. On the way out, junior led me to the tools and asked if I like the big axe, the little axe, or the pickaxe. I told him I like the hand axe because they were easier to cut firewood with and that I didn't need the pick for anything. Don't think he believed me. I also got sidetracked by an awesome machete. Thing looked like a Marine accessory.

Pretty sure he thinks I'm a murderer. Oh well.

On the way back I got a one liter Coke for lunch, and everyone stares. Made me feel self-conscious about my life choices. Though that may have been because my traveling guide/companion kept asking if I like girls, how often I ran, and whether I worked out.

(he's five years older than me, but half a foot shorter. He doesn't have any fat at all, so his muscles stand way out even though he doesn't have any actual strength. Fucking weird)

It is now lunchtime, and I forgot how to say Bon appetite in Spanish. They laughed. Now I am ignored as I type this.

Also the fridge I was storing my food in got moved or sold. With my food inside.

...

Finally caught up to now. Will update this as stuff happens.

Lunch is over. Got told to clean the table. Started cleaning the table. Got told to stop cleaning the table. Was handed a tv and told to take it apart on the table. Wut even.

Grammy-lady told me how to wash a dishrag. I think I was doing it wrong, then?

Took the tv apart. Joke time! It didn't have the thing they needed. I put the tv back together.

Was handed another tv. Told to take it apart. This is gonna be theme, is t it?

Speaker. I'm getting called up. (Btw, his name is Junior) It was a tv. We grabbed it and....

Put in the back room, amid a dozen others just like it. I'm guessing someone isn't going to have tv for w while?

Done! The tv is completely disassembled! Guess what? It wasn't the right one. Time to put it back. Sigh.

Surprise mom visit! Can't wait for her to read this. I bet she'll post it on her Facebook wall.

Another bad tv, another reassembly. And a new tv. This one has 20 screws in it. Yay.

Taught two guys some words in English. Specifically, the head and face region. One kept laughing at the other and screaming "forehead!" like a two year old. I think it went well.

This tv is the one! Now all I have to do is... Take all the insides out. And put the shell back together. And half the screws are gone.

Sigh.

Time to go! My time is here! I can leave! Even though... It's 1:45... And I'm supposed to leave at 2... They just didn't have anything left for me to do.

How do I, the laziest teen in Honduras, have a better work ethic than my coworkers? No wonder nothing gets fixed...

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Any of you guys have any stories like this? Feel free to share!

 

[Biigoh]

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[GhostHaxStomp]

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Click to shrink...

...

I'm new to this forum thing, okay? Where else am I supposed to put this bullshit?

 

[dasstan]

Duo lingo, good buddy.

Also, a helpful phrase: "Yo no sé cómo hacer eso."

Or "I don't know how to do that."

 

[Biigoh]

...

I'm new to this forum thing, okay? Where else am I supposed to put this bullshit?

Click to shrink...

It's more I has no words for that sequence of events...

 

[GhostHaxStomp]

It's more I has no words for that sequence of events...

Click to shrink...

Ah, okay. Sorry about that. Never really got into this internet thing before now, and got overly defensive.

Forgive?

 

[Biigoh]

Ah, okay. Sorry about that. Never really got into this internet thing before now, and got overly defensive.

Forgive?

Click to shrink...

Nebbah! Noh forgib... Not unless much snacks and drinks are gibben as tribute. :3

 

[Snake/Eater]

i live in quebec and i dont speak french, but at least you have a job.

 

[GhostHaxStomp]

Did the same thing yesterday, but it wasn't as interesting as what happened before. I spent have the day reading a manual in Spanish.

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Fourth day of Work: Part 1, the Workening

Got here. Fell asleep against the wall. Car came in with Key-lady. Nearly got run over. Still asleep. Didn't really notice.

Said good morning to everyone as we went inside. Got handed keys. Unlocked the garage area. Moved a bunch of washing machines and dryers out front.

Wandered over to the back. Not sure, but I think one of the guys tried to call the other one gay to me. Might've been a Spanish word, but the accent seemed like he was trying for English.

Getting weird looks as I type this.

Following junior. He's taking me to the side room. He's looking at TV's. Oh boy. He's pointing to an average sized flatscreen.

False alarm. We took it to repair guy. I don't have to take it apart again and again. Oh well.

I was given two microwaves. And a thing of plastic wrap. Whew. Wrapped em, took em to the front of the store.

Drank some water. Healthy. The candy was also making my mouth sticky and I didn't have a Coke.

Time to move all the trash to the front. Ask for a pic so you can see how much. Yeah. (I'm on mobile, so I don't know how to pin a pic here. Advice?)

I think I accidentally told them I was a teacher. This language barrier is really annoying.

Someone showed up and greeted me by name. And a fist bump. I don't know her? Weird.

Moved a microwave to the back. Touched a flatscreen. I was NOT supposed to touch that. Going back to the microwave.

Woohoo! I'm gonna learn how to fix stuff! Starting with the microwave. I'm just gonna preemptively open this thing while junior runs away for some reason.

Reading the manual. All48 pages. Half of it is telling you that metal shouldn't be used. The Manual just told me, in bold, that IF NONE OF THE ABOVE SOLVES THE PROBLEM, CONTACT A QUALIFIED TECHNICIAN. DO NOT TRY TO ADJUST OR REPAIR THE OVEN YOURSELF.

I am not a qualified technician.

So I just learned that "learning to repair a microwave" is code for "figure it yourself while I watch." This is going to end great.

Microwave fixed. Yes. Also, these guys have some pretty good music selections. It's been an hour and I've already heard 3 Queen songs.

Testing microwave. Nothing exploded. I'm both relieved and disappointed. But hey, I can replace parts inside a basic appliance now. That's something. Wonder what comes next?

Why'd I even ask? Now I clean the microwave.

Had to fill out a form in Spanish about what I did to the microwave. And now that that is done, I must read the manual in Spanish. Again. And bring any new words I don't understand to junior.

5 minutes later.

Spanish is hard. And this book is boring.

Been about thirty minutes. I would probably be done, but every now and then someone comes over to ask how I'm doing with the book. Meh.

I am on page 8 of 74, and I am getting a chemistry lesson. In Spanish. Muy interesante.

10 minutes later.

I'm relearning a lot about electrons and molecular composition, but not that much on fixing a microwave.

5 minutes later.

I'm beginning to suspect that they just don't want me doing more work than them, so they sat me down way in the back with a book I can't read. Probably wrong, but you never know...

Now I am replacing the motor of a blender.

An hour later, there is a call. Guy came in with a microwave he needs fixing. I think everyone is explaining the damage is too great, but I'm not sure. The entire bottom is made of slag. And the roof is black from electricity.

Needed to clean the engine core of the blender with chemical cleaner. Spelled really bad. Kinda woozy. Why did I have to smell it?

Kinda blanked for a bit, but now the blender is back together? That's weird.

It is now 12, but mom and dad won't answer the phone. Guess I'm walking? I'll walk to the school if they don't come get me.

 

[Raging Iron Thunder]

This is a funny read. Wish I could find a well paying tech job in a spanish speaking country though. I don't speak Spanish either. "Lo Siento, pero no peudo hablar espanol."

 

[GhostHaxStomp]

UPDATE:

not much has happened, but I did do something fun today. You know those huge, 15 foot long fluorescent lights like they use in factory's? The tube ones?

I made one explode by hitting a guy in the face with it. It was crazy.

I also tore tore apart a washing machine in someone's house, replaced the big metal door we use for the garage, and tore out all the copper of some engines with my hands and a hammer.

Thing are getting easier to do, as I learn more Spanish. There's less miscommunication now, so that's good.

I've also started working out and oh god kill me. Honduras can get hot, and I still don't have any good workout clothes. Hope this bullshit pays off soon. I deserve some abs.

 

[Yinko]

When I was in Mexico my phone's translator and the thumbs-up or down signs were all I needed. Need to pay a street vendor, where is the bank? Type that answer into my phone, I'll be right back. Bam.

It's actually a lot harder in other countries that don't use non-European languages. Where I live now, i can't do that, for a couple of reasons. One, if I try to learn the local language people are super unhelpful about it and basically try to stop me, they are honestly too stupid to work a phone's translator (on average) in any language, and the grammar fucks the program up.

 

[GhostHaxStomp]

When I was in Mexico my phone's translator and the thumbs-up or down signs were all I needed. Need to pay a street vendor, where is the bank? Type that answer into my phone, I'll be right back. Bam.

It's actually a lot harder in other countries that don't use non-European languages. Where I live now, i can't do that, for a couple of reasons. One, if I try to learn the local language people are super unhelpful about it and basically try to stop me, they are honestly too stupid to work a phone's translator (on average) in any language, and the grammar fucks the program up.

Click to shrink...

Unhelpful natives are the worst. I can't even say that people here are stupid, because they aren't, but they have absolutely no critical thinking skills and ignore all written rules unless actively enforced.

There's a one way hill just outside my house, with a giant sign saying how it's a one way road and nobody should go down the hill from this side. We've had 4 (minor) accidents in a month.

They also can't seem to deal with anything minor without freaking the fuck out and that scales up with the severity. Someone scratch your paint? Better park in the middle of the highway and stop all traffic in half the city for an hour. Someone running for President that you don't like? Better get all you buddies and firebomb the police and military, set up road blocks, start fires, yell at people... Luckily that passed months ago, so risk of being shanked is at its normal percentage again.

Good thing my city is no longer Murder Capital of the World! That could have been scary.

 

[Yinko]

There's a one way hill just outside my house, with a giant sign saying how it's a one way road and nobody should go down the hill from this side. We've had 4 (minor) accidents in a month.

Click to shrink...

No, I would call that stupid. The drivers here can't figure out left from right, can't read a map on their phone, and can't understand how to get around traffic issues by taking another route. On the plus side, the few people that are actually kind of smart end up as hyper-competent to compensate from having to manage all the morons.

Good thing my city is no longer Murder Capital of the World! That could have been scary.

Click to shrink...

Ah, a fellow connoisseur of murder cities. Yeah, after my friend said "be careful about the girls, a lot of them are hookers just after your money, oh and they might have aids, oh and if you find a good girl then be careful about her family, they might kill you for your money" I figured I should really try dating chicks from over the border instead. Then there's the whole thing about getting your ribs broken if you get jumped, knees broken if you sell bad crack to a local, stabbed if you don't pay the bar bill when they cheat you. Usual shit. On the other hand, if you don't go for hookers or drugs, it's pretty safe. People don't care to protect you at all, but they don't care enough to harm you either.