Earth-Dispatch
Arrival: D Plus 34
Steve Rogers finished stirring the pot sitting on the electric stove in the apartment's tiny kitchen, and took one last spoonful and sniff to check the taste. He sighed in satisfaction. "Dumplings are ready."
"Finally!" Courtney teased from where she was sitting at the small countertop in-between the kitchen and living area that served as a dining room table. "I think I grew a gray hair over here waiting."
"One home-cooked meal, just as promised." Steve said as he finished ladling the chicken dumpling stew into two large bowls. Removing his apron, he carried them over to the countertop and sat down. It was the evening of the same day that they'd attended the proto-pulse test, and Steve and Courtney had decided to celebrate the almost-one-month anniversary of their having originally met each other with a nice dinner at his place.
"Mmph!" Courtney moaned in satisfaction through her stuffed cheeks. "Delshus." she mumbled.
"Old family recipe." Steve smiled slightly in reminisce. "Mrs. Barnes used to cook this all the time. When I got old enough to use a stove, she showed me how."
"Barnes? You were adopted?" Courtney asked.
"No, no. My dad died before I was born – in World War I, actually – but my mom didn't pass away until I was grown up. But she had to work shifts at the hospital late sometimes, so a lot of the time I ate dinner at the neighbors'." Steve explained. "I'd known her son Bucky for years and years, so Mrs. Barnes was used to having me over."
"Okay, I've gotta ask. 'Bucky'?" Courtney grinned. "They actually named people that back then?"
"On his birth certificate it was James Buchanan Barnes, but since his dad was also called James you can guess what happened there." Steve chuckled.
"Not really hard, no." Courtney smiled and kept eating.
"This is nice." Steve continued after a couple minutes of just enjoying the food. "And I'm glad you came over. I was kinda afraid you were still mad at me."
"I wasn't ever
mad at you." Courtney explained patiently. "I just… have stupid coping mechanisms sometimes." She looked up at him ruefully over her dripping spoon. "You live alone for long enough and also have a superpower for vanishing, then your easiest way of dealing with uncomfortable shit becomes running."
"I get it." Steve nodded. "But once you start running, it gets kinda hard to let yourself stop."
"
Tell me about it." Courtney sighed. "But you… you weren't ever the running kind, were you?"
"No." Steve admitted. "And that got me beat up in practically every back alley in Brooklyn. If I had a nickel for every time Bucky had to get his knuckles skinned up bailing me out of another fight before they had to carry me out on a stretcher, I'd be richer than Tony. So… sometimes I look back and I wonder. I was
brave, yeah, but was it
right for me to drag him into that much trouble on my behalf? Because he'd never have needed to get into any of those fights unless it were for me. Seriously, he was the toughest kid in the neighborhood. Nobody messed with him if they had any sense at all."
"Did he ever complain?" Courtney asked simply.
"Not once." Steve shook his head.
"How'd you meet him?" Courtney continued.
"Mom had just moved into the neighborhood. First week I'm there, some punk kid tells me to hand over my lunch money or else he'll take it off of me. And since I never had the sense to stay out of trouble I just run my mouth right back at him-" Steve began.
"Hold up. You, Mister Self-Control incarnate, ran an automatic mouth?" Courtney said incredulously.
"Oh, I was
incorrigible." Steve agreed. "I didn't start getting a lock on my mouth until after the serum. After I got powers then picking fights with people would've been bullying. But when I was the underdog?" Steve rolled his eyes gently. "Seriously. Every back alley in Brooklyn."
"So you ran your mouth back at a bully, and…?" Courtney continued knowingly.
"I got pasted." Steve nodded. "I had my fists up and I was trying, but I wasn't getting any licks in. And if I did manage to get any in then I wasn't doing enough damage to wake up a sleeping kitten. So soon enough I'm down on the ground and he's about to start putting in the boots, and suddenly this other kid comes flying in and lays the bum out with one punch. He bends down to ask me if I'm all right, and-" Steve laughed softly at himself. "And I'm sitting there with a fat lip and a shiner I can barely see out of one eye with, completely out of wind, and the first thing out of my mouth is '
I had 'em on the ropes.'"
Courtney laughed until she snorted. "You were
hopeless."
"And Bucky looks back down at me and laughs, and the first thing he says back to me is '
I guess you did.' And from that moment on we were inseparable."
"After you went into the ice, did he have a good life?" Courtney asked, and then winced in distress at Steve's expression.
"Bucky didn't wait to be drafted, he joined the Army right after Pearl Harbor. I tried to join up with him, but I already told you about my health." Steve shrugged. "Tried several times, actually. I told you about Dr. Erskine waivering me. I didn't tell you that I originally came to his attention because he'd wondered why a kid who had maybe half the disqualifying physical conditions in the manual had lied on his enlistment forms five separate times trying to sneak or beg his way past the physical."
"
You falsified government documents? You?" Courtney goggled.
"And each attempt was a Federal crime potentially chargeable as perjury." Steve agreed. "Said so right on the fine print at the bottom of the form." He chuckled. "I always wondered why people in the modern-day always believed the fable that I was 100% incapable of telling even the littlest white lie, when it was
public record how I'd originally gotten noticed by the project."
"I don't even understand how that works. Wouldn't getting caught trying to fake your way in get you
failing a security clearance, not earning one?" Courtney puzzled.
"What Dr. Erskine had originally been looking for when he'd been going through the medical reports from the induction centers was exceptional physical specimens, yeah, not guys like me." Steve admitted. "I was just a pattern that happened to catch his eye. And since I also happened to be in the induction center the day he was there he took a moment out to indulge his curiosity and talk to me about why the heck was I was even doing this. I didn't even know he was part of any project until after he introduced himself, I originally thought he was just one of the Army doctors working there." Steve looked briefly into the distance, reminiscing. "He wanted to know why I was so desperate to get over there and start killing Nazis. I told him that I didn't
want to kill anyone but that I didn't like bullies, and I didn't care where they were from." Steve looked across the counter at her. "But you were originally asking about Bucky. And the real reason I was so desperate to get in the Army was that I didn't want him to go over there alone."
"And?" Courtney drew Steve out gently.
"I got taken up by the project, and then picked to be the candidate." Steve said. "So there I was, America's first super-soldier… and then the only one, because a Nazi spy assassinated Dr. Erskine the day I was injected. Stole the last sample of the serum as well, then smashed it before letting us recapture it. I don't know why they didn't have any backup records or if something had happened to them, they didn't ever explain that part to me, but I was intended to be a prototype and then I was the only one."
"So they sent you over there by yourself?"
"Nope. Put me on a USO tour to go sell War Bonds. I'd show off my superpowers in public for morale purposes and do a whole song and dance, while they were
implying there were other guys like me secretly over there doing commando stuff without actually having to tell that lie out loud. Which is actually why I've got the flag costume instead of something more tactical, it was originally from a propaganda tour. I just kept wearing it after it started to mean something else." Steve explained.
"War Bonds tour? No
wonder you hate the PR fluff stuff SDN tries to make the A-Team do so much." Courtney laughed.
"The really funny thing is I can't even honestly say it was a waste of time." Steve huffed amusedly. "During the months I was on the tour War Bonds sales were up five percent overall. And that was
real money, even in 1940s dollars."
"Yeah, all the extra bullets
that much money would buy? That was probably a hundred times as much damage to the German army as you did personally." Courtney acknowledged.
"I don't know, I did a
lot of damage." Steve joked. "But yeah, looking back I couldn't even say they were wasting me. The decision made sense from a logistical standpoint. I just
hated it. Pretending to be a hero when I hadn't so much as gotten within five thousand miles of the enemy… it drove me nuts. And then they sent Captain Phoney overseas to do a morale tour for the real combat troops, which was maybe the stupidest idea anybody had ever had in the history of the Army." Steve looked down. "And I got over there just in time to find out that Bucky's unit, which was in the area - we were up by Azzano during the Italian campaign then - had been lost behind enemy lines and he was a POW in a Nazi base too heavily defended to try and raid."
Courtney drew a pained breath, and then her eyes went wide as Steve continued without a beat. "So of course I went completely out of my mind, convinced a couple people I knew to help me steal a plane and a parachute, and jumped in all by myself to try and do a one-man POW rescue."
"Every back alley in Brooklyn, huh?" Courtney eventually snarked.
"Remember back at the donut shop, when I said that you wouldn't believe some of the orders I'd disobeyed even if I'd told you?" Steve grinned back at her. "So yeah, the base turned out to be an experimental facility run by the Nazi mad science division, HYDRA. Which, as it happened, had also been experimenting with the super-soldier serum. Dr. Erskine had originally been a defector from there before he made it over to try perfecting his serum for the US instead, and the Nazis had a guy who'd also been injected with an earlier version of it. Johann Schmidt, aka the Red Skull. HYDRA's commanding officer." Steve looked grave. "He's where Dr. Erskine had learned that psychological stability was
really important for serum recipients, because Schmidt had already been off his nut even before getting juiced. And afterwards he was so far gone that he made Hitler look well-adjusted. The serum magnifies everything, you see. Good becomes better, and bad becomes worse." He breathed out. "Anyway, I can't even begin to take the whole base by myself, superpowers or not… but I don't have to. They've got like several hundred guys held prisoner there, including Bucky, and as soon as I started to bust them out they all grabbed what weapons they could and then we started the biggest damn riot you ever saw. That's why they'd all been sent to the HYDRA base from the regular POW camps in the first place. They'd been troublemakers."
"How'd you get back?" Courtney asked.
"Walked." Steve answered simply. "Took us a couple days, but we made it back across the lines and to our unit. And after they decided not to court-martial me, I finally got my combat posting. I was already a captain – they'd directly commissioned me for propaganda purposes, even if I made sure to actually get the officer training as well – so they put me in charge of a new special company, the Howling Commandoes. Our mission was to go up against HYDRA and all their mad science projects. They gave me free choice of any men I wanted for it. Bucky was the first guy I picked, and the men who'd broken out of the POW camp with us were the rest."
"So you finally got your wish, to fight alongside him." Courtney smiled.
"I did." Steve smiled, before his face fell. "And I brought the Howlers through the war practically intact. We lost only one man in action in the entire war, a record no other combat unit equaled." Steve's expression told Courtney everything she needed to know.
"Bucky." She nodded sadly. "Steve, I'm so sorry."
"It was on the next-to-last mission of the war, the one before we finally took down Schmidt and his last base… and I went into the ice." Steve continued softly. "We were basically doing a train robbery, only the 'robbery' was to capture Dr. Zola, Schmidt's chief scientist. We needed him alive to find the base. There was a fight on the train-" Steve shook his head, visibly waving away the details. "And Bucky fell off the train to his death, saving my dumb ass in a fight one last time."
Courtney got up and crossed over to give Steve a hug, and the two of them silently reassured each other for a long moment.
"He never regretted a thing." Courtney finally said. "I'm as sure of that as I can be of anything."
"I know." Steve sighed. "Still miss him, though."
"Of course you do." she agreed.
Steve and Courtney both got up to put their empty dishes in the sink and then moved to the couch, where they sat down side by side with their arms around each other.
"I… really wish I'd had a Bucky, growing up. Or a Mrs. Barnes. Or a Steve Rogers." she continued reluctantly.
"Rough?" Steve asked simply.
"Not quite Great Depression rough." Courtney answered slowly. "But yeah, we were poor. Bad neighborhood. Parents that had to work all the time just to make ends meet, latch-key kid. And, of course, health problems."
"Living not knowing when even a simple game of tag is gonna knock you down into a crisis isn't fun even if you can afford all the doctors in the world." Steve agreed. "And I definitely couldn't. If my mom hadn't been a nurse I don't think I'd have lived to grow up."
"My mom was a waitress." Courtney answered. "Dad did day labor when he could get it, moped around doing nothing when he couldn't. And money was tight enough that they hated every dollar of it they had to waste on the sick kid."
"They actually use the word 'waste'?" Steve asked mildly. "Or was that just you?"
"Them." Courtney answered knowingly. "Went on and on about how things were tight enough under normal circumstances, and how losing so much time from work taking me to the free clinic and the ER was only making it worse and why couldn't I just get in shape and stop being so lazy or something."
"That's
not how it works." Steve moaned. "Which of course you knew that."
"No I didn't." Courtney shook her head. "Not back then. I mean, what the heck do little kids know except what their parents tell them?"
Steve hugged her a little more tightly and let her stop and find her own pace. "That when you started stealing? To try and help your family's ends meet?" he eventually asked sympathetically.
"No." Courtney shook her head, and then gave an embarrassed chuckle. "Would you believe that I actually went to Catholic school?"
Steve looked down at his girlfriend, particularly at her punk haircut and nose ring, and chuckled. "Only if I indulged in thinking about a very tacky stereotype."
Courtney snorted once. "Yeah, I know. Girl from traditional upbringing goes complete punk rebel after becoming disillusioned in childhood. That one's fresh off the typecasting stereotype platter." She looked downcast. "But no. Stealing was wrong, and if you worked hard and stayed honest then eventually it would all work out. Just like they taught in school and you saw in the movies."
"Except for you, it didn't." Steve acknowledged the obvious.
"I found out I had invisibility powers when I was fourteen." she continued. "And I didn't really use them for anything. I mean, I have to hold my breath to use them, and putting strain on my lungs was something I tried to avoid then. But, I did tell the few friends I had about them." She lookd downcast. "At least, I
thought they were my friends."
"Weirded them out?" Steve probed gently.
"Freaked them out. Completely." she said. "From that moment on I was the neighborhood witch. In the historical sense, as in 'non-traditional female who was the superstitious community scapegoat for everything that went wrong'. House cat got lost? Blame the invisible girl. Can't find your wallet? Of course she stole it. Car wouldn't start? She must have sabotaged it. You name it and I caught the blame for it. Even if two dozen people had seen me in class while it was going on."
"From your setup I expected some pretty rough stuff, and I am
still disappointed in those people." Steve declared firmly.
"So I just pulled into my shell and started avoiding people entirely. I had books and TV and movies, I had exams to study for… a college scholarship to try and earn… and a whole neighborhood to escape." she mourned. "I didn't get beat up in back alleys – girls do bullying differently than boys, and since they already knew I could turn invisible I could just use my powers to leave any conversation I didn't want to stay in. But it
sucked." she breathed out explosively.
"Loneliness always does." Steve agreed. "Solitary confinement is used as a punishment in every human culture, no matter how different they are otherwise. And has been for all of known history."
"I know." Courtney agreed. "And finally I'm coming up on graduation, and I've busted my hump and gotten those straight A's… it's not like I had a vigorous social life to distract me from my studying… and then I get turned down in favor of the girl who's next in class. Because
she could get a letter of recommendation from the school, you see, and I couldn't." She blinked away angry tears. "Not a single teacher would stand up for me, because all they'd heard for years was accusation after accusation and not a single person standing up for me. And you can't
ever have that much smoke without a real fire, right?"
"That was really not very Christian of them." Steve said angrily.
"Catholic school was grade school, high school was the local PS." Courtney corrected him. "Anyway, that was it. I wasn't going to college, I couldn't hope to get even a job waiting tables anywhere in the neighborhood what with being the local pariah, and my folks were going to throw my 'freeloader' ass out on the street without a dime in my pocket. I'd done everything right, I'd played by the rules as hard as I could, and in the end I had
nothing to show for it. Everybody agreed that I just
had to be a thief and a liar and a backstabbing bitch even when I hadn't done
any of that, just because of what my powers were."
"And suddenly everything you said to Robert that day makes a whole lot more sense." Steve realized.
"Yup." Courtney nodded. "So after that I was just fucking
done with trying to be the good girl. If everybody wanted the invisible bitch so badly then they could fucking
have her, and I'd ram it down all their throats and make 'em choke. Went right out and stole my first thing the day the guidance counselor told me I was getting bounced, and never looked back." She slumped. "And here's me with all this quitter talk after
you had all the hard knocks growing up too, and went straight from zero to hero without a bump. You must be really fuckin' disappointed in me."
"Nope." Steve shook his head. "Not a bit."
"I hate it when you do that, you know." Courtney looked up at him plaintively. "When you make excuses for me that you never would for yourself. That's just… reminding me that I'm not really a hero."
"Nonsense." Steve gave her a comforting squeeze. "Being easier on the people you care for than you are on yourself is called
caring for people. It's just what you
do for the people you- you're close to. It's what you're
supposed to do, even if your folks never did." He sighed. "Is that why it says 'Courtney Jane Doe' on your personnel file?"
"You've read my file?" Courtney looked at him alarmedly.
"Just the public-facing parts that anybody in the office is allowed to." Steve reassured her.
"Yeah. It is." she admitted. "My
genetic donors ditched me without a second thought. So screw them. I won't even take the family name from 'em, let alone anything else." She laughed once, bitterly. "Not that they ever
gave me much else."
"I didn't have it as rough as you did." Steve said. "I had my mom. I had Bucky and his folks. I had other decent people in what was a pretty decent neighborhood… sure, we were as poor as church mice, but we were mostly traditional people. Old-fashioned community spirit, like they don't have as much of anymore."
"Damn sure didn't where I lived." Courtney admitted.
"Courtney, I don't look down on you for hitting the wall like you did." Steve reassured. "You had
no support at all, and you were just a
kid. If I'd grown up without a mom who cared about me, a brother in all but blood, other grown-ups who set good examples, then there's no guarantee that I'd still be me. I might've just ended up this bitter little punk with barely any good in him at all, assuming I wasn't
dead." Steve exhaled heavily. "Chase believes that people are
born good or bad, but that's nonsense. The hero team I was with during that alien invasion I mentioned once, the Avengers… yeah, we'd literally saved the world. But our members were a billionaire playboy who'd lived out every celebrity scandal you could think of before he finally turned his life around after surviving a terrorist attack and figuring out there was more to life than just money and girls and booze. A Norse god-"
"Seriously?" Courtney goggled.
"We work with a half-demon who actually commutes to Hell, or so she says, so don't judge." Steve poked affectionately at her. "A Norse god whose dad had actually had to exile him to Earth without his powers to learn humility, because he'd been apparently been an arrogant enough jackass back home he had to be kicked out of the house just to keep the peace... and who
did learn his lesson, became one of the most honorable people I'd ever met, and got his powers back. A man who got cursed with a transformation into an uncontrollable monster and got nothing but hunted by the government for it as the entire world told him he was a monster… and who decided that he'd rather fight as hard as he could to teach the monster inside him how to help people, and who did. And two secret agents, one of whom was a defected assassin who had more kills than Coupe under uglier circumstances before she grew up enough to decide that wasn't the person she wanted to be and she'd spend the rest of her life trying to help people to make up for the lives she'd taken. And the other government assassin who'd originally been sent to kill her, and then decided that he was done with just killing people without maybe at least trying to save them first."
"You're shitting me." Courtney gaped. "Seriously, you're describing a dysfunction junction that makes the Z-Team sound
normal."
"Did you never wonder why I could take anything around the SDN office in stride?" Steve smiled. "Oh yeah, and our team also had this dumb kid from Brooklyn who'd lost every fight in his life, until he got someone to give him a leg up so he could finally win one." Steve looked down at her lovingly. "Our whole team was made out of
nothing but people who'd changed hugely from the folks they'd originally been into the people they wanted to be. You only stay a villain when you're like that Shroud guy and you don't
want to change, or you're like Schmidt and you actually have physical brain problems on top of also being a Nazi war criminal. But that's not 'born' bad, that's '
went bad and
stayed bad'. Even the Red Skull, because he didn't
have to take a serum even its own creator was warning him would probably drive him crazier, and he definitely didn't have to grow up to join HYDRA." Steve kissed Courtney on the forehead. "So if I meet a lady who ended up stealing stuff because she spent her whole life as a kid being told she wasn't good for anything more by everybody she
should have been able to count on but who all gaslit her repeatedly until she finally believed the nonsense they were selling… and who thinks that means she can't ever move on to being a good person who deserves good things… then I'm gonna tell her I think she's being an idiot."
"You have this unrealistically rosy picture of me that isn't me at all and that's just not healthy for a relationship." Courtney insisted. "Seriously, tell me one thing about me right now that you actually dislike."
"The nose ring." Steve replied immediately.
"What?" Courtney blinked.
"I get that they're normal to wear in public now, but I'm still just not used to things like that. I'm sorry." Steve said embarrassedly.
"Okay then, I'll take it out." she agreed.
"You don't
have to do that." Steve shook his head.
"Steve, single girls like to look good how they think they should look good. Girls with boyfriends like to look good
for their boyfriend." Courtney smiled. "I only started wearing this thing as part of my bad attitude era anyway, so maybe I should have ditched it already. And if you think I'd look cuter without it then pffft, it's gone."
"Thank you." Steve agreed simply. "And for a more serious answer to your question… I think that rather than talk about what I don't like about you, I'd like to talk about why I
do like you. Because you use the words 'pity project' a lot, and I want to make sure you know that it's not that."
"I use it because I can't imagine what you actually
do like about me." Courtney admitted. "And you're… what
do people like about each other in relationships, anyway? I've had hook-ups before, but you're my first guy I've actually
dated."
"You've heard my dating history, I'm barely ahead of you there." Steve admitted. "So yeah, relationship-wise we're the blind leading the blind… which I think we'd already agreed on when we started out." He chuckled.
"Well, sexually we're not." Courtney admitted frankly. "Hook-ups, remember? If we ever get that far then that's
really not the part I'm worried about because I will steer you
right around those curves, don't worry. But emotionally? Yeah, we're really a work in progress there, aren't we?"
"Do you know when I first fell for you? The moment when I caught feels just beyond being your friend? Because please don't ever doubt that we were already friends even before the other thing started." Steve entreated her.
"That part I don't doubt." Courtney reassured him gently.
"It was the day you made the cut." Steve continued. "The moment you looked up at the leaderboard and saw your name move up. You didn't see your face then, but you just had this
adorable little smile… this little quirk of your lips made out of pure happiness. And it wasn't just that you were smiling, but why you were smiling. You weren't happy that you were keeping your job, or that you'd beaten the person you were competing with, or even that you'd get to stay with your new friend. You were just happy about having finally made a difference. About having done a good thing and at long last being acknowledged for it." Steve smiled down at her gently, taking her hand softly between his. "
And you were a feisty one as well." He grinned at her wickedly. "Pretty girl who can choke out a bad guy like nothing but who's got a good heart deep down… what can I say, I've got a type."
"I'm not gonna tell you what I like about you, your head is already swollen enough." Courtney poked at him gently. "But… thank you, Steve." She looked slightly wistful. "I… hope I don't ever disappoint you."
"I don't think you will. But even if you do… I've disappointed people before, and still kept them. I get that you didn't get remotely enough of that when you were growing up, but if people are worth anything then they'll understand when something's really not your fault." Steve affirmed.
"Problem is, the stuff I'm still scared to tell you about
was my fault." Courtney fretted.
"Did anyone die?" Steve asked. "Because I just got through telling you that I had no problem working with reformed assassins."
"… someone almost did." Courtney muttered.
"Are they okay now?" Steve questioned.
"I don't know. I'm still waiting to find out." she said pensively.
"Okay then." Steve nodded. "All right. You're still waiting to find out, and I can wait to find out too. You'll talk when you're ready, and I'm fine with that."
"Thank you." Courtney smiled tearfully. "I- is it okay if we stop talking and I just kiss my boyfriend now?"
"Nothing would make me happier." Steve smiled, and he took Courtney into his arms.
* * * * *
Author's Note: I originally just wanted Steve and Courtney to check in emotionally and then I got an entire chapter out of one conversation. For once my muse did not torment me! Thank you, muse. And yes, those two dorks are finally kissing. Haven't gone further than that, though.
Canonically, Steve is slightly weirded out by piercings. He mentions that to Natasha during TWS.
'I'll steer you around the curves' is of course a reference to Faith from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, another one of my favorite emotionally troubled bad girls turned good. … huh, I seem to have a fictional type of my own.
'Courtney Jane Doe' was originally a suggestion from poster 'Nikas' back on SB. I have adopted it, because it fits here.
Steve actually
did canonically increase War Bonds sales by a full five percent when he was on the tour, which is a legitimate achievement. Even when he was just a show pony, he was still not a useless show pony.
And no, none of Courtney's origin story here is canon. She doesn't have a canon origin story. So behold the latest voyage of the USS
Make Shit Up, long may she sail. But yes, I like to try and imagine how the heck the Courtney we see could get in the particular messed-up headspace she had to begin with, and this is certainly a plausible route.