People had an odd habit of being unnecessarily stubborn. When it came to inconsequential things...
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Shouldn't that be "wasn't"?It was likely Ms Butterby wanted to look over extra work anymore than anyone in class wanted to do it.
Something is wrong with this sentence, but I have no clue what your intended meaning was.Simple, easy, and less effort for everyone involved. Yulia nodded to herself as she came to the obvious answer.
She put down her pencil. She'd one of that then.
Too boring, she'd never finish it.
First word of this sentence feels wrong.
Missing the word "she" here.and her mother lost the serious look, adopting worry as rubbed her daughters back.
Missing the word "you" here.
Thanks, I wasn't sure what happened with the second thing I either was half asleep or accidentally typed while selecting the wrong thing.Interesting start to the story. Based on that magical energy scale, it looks like there's some massive differences between Ministra classes.
I found a ton of typos, but I didn't point out a lot of the more minor ones, because quoting small pieces of large posts from a phone is a massively tedious pain in the ass.
Shouldn't that be "wasn't"?
Something is wrong with this sentence, but I have no clue what your intended meaning was.
First word of this sentence feels wrong.
Missing the word "she" here.
Missing the word "you" here.
away her
Change this to either "making" or "and made".She scowled and shielded herself from the assault, and making her way to the nearest bit of shade
layout
"Excellent," She typed away on her keyboard, "The next order of business will be choosing your equipment. THe first of which is your Storage Device, or as some refer to it as, 'Transformation Trinket', it will be the device that stores your other devices and equips them when used. We have a few basic types that can themselves be personalized."
She reached into her desk and pulled out a thin binder. She opened it to the first page showing a variety of what appeared to be jewlery.
"We have pens, brooches, earrings, rings, bracelets, hairpins, really any sort of accessory that isn't made of cloth. The shape of it can be changed to, including stars, hearts, or even symbols. The inset gem used for the battery and conduit will need to stay but we can adjust the cut or alter its color."
"Uh," There were far too many options, "A necklace?"
Letting out a breath in relief she removed the lid. It seemed everything she was supposed to receive was inside. She removed the broach that would serve as her armor, a Device that projected a protective barrier around the use, and placed it on the table. Next was the pen that would serve as her Storage Device, it was awkwardly thick with a large heart-shaped jewel sitting on the end. It wouldn't fool anyone and was incredibly gaudy, in fact it looked suspiciously like something much more… embarrassing to be caught with. For a moment Yulia considered having it replaced before reluctantly dismissing the notion.
Thinks, I'd missed that. I suppose I could say that since I'd forgotten so had she, the reply was rather flippant after all, or I could change it. But I do rather like pen and might use it for a gag later, and the idea that she'd forgotten seems like something she'd do. I may just add in in a line about thinking she'd asked for something else but not being too sure.Something confuses me about this chapter:
About the only thing Yulia specified about her storage device (or the barrier one) was for it to be a necklace. So why did she not react at all to getting a pen instead? While I can get that she isn't really a very assertive person, I would think that she would at least notice it is very different than what she asked for. Especially when what she did think was it could be mistaken for a vibrator.
were
BelowThe bellow that was simply contact information so Yulia continued on to the second page.
This should be either "aren't exactly cheap" or "are quite expensive"."That's good to hear, Augmented Uniforms aren't exactly quite expensive to produce. Any replacements are at the cost of the Ministra," Syble cheerfully informed her, "It's a lot of work for enchant the cloth with everything a young Ministra needs.
Thanks as always man.So, there's a ton of grammar errors in here, most in the form of either improper homophones (like a spot where "to" was used instead of "too") or words having the wrong tense. Pointing them all out from a phone is hell, so here's the most blatant ones.
were
Below
This should be either "aren't exactly cheap" or "are quite expensive".
to
I really should start remembering to only read this thread when I'm at my computer. Stuff like this makes me really hate that QQ doesn't have SV/SB's plugin that gives an alert when the OP of a thread posts more than 150 words at once........
Updates to be every second or third day, likely about 2am central time. Basically the plan is 2500 words daily, and about 5k at least per chapter, once I finish the chapter I'll post it before going to sleep.I really should start remembering to only read this thread when I'm at my computer. Stuff like this makes me really hate that QQ doesn't have SV/SB's plugin that gives an alert when the OP of a thread posts more than 150 words at once........
If there was one thing Yulia had to single out aboutbeing crowdedcrowds that she hated most, it would have to be the smell. Sure, having strangers being extremely close, or worse, actually touching her, due to the lack of space was something terrible, and being shoved around by every movement the people beside. Ayouher make is enough to make her want to throttle someone, but it's still not as bad as the smell.
In every gathering of people there's always one whostunk.stuck
She wasn't sure of the source of the stench, but they smelled like a barn.
Either "Indoor Voice" or "indoor voice".
The hell happened with that red part? No clue what you were even trying to say there.As she walked down the hallway to the room she was informed would where they would meet the girl toyed with the idea of her new colleagues. She wondered what they would be like, what they could do. While the Union attempted to make teams balanced, or at least functional, there was still a large random element to it.
What on the recliner? The being? The person? The entity?
As little pride as she had in her appearance, she still held a bit of girlishness inside her.
Either "Is that it? Are we all here?" or simply "Are we all here?".
Pretty sure you meant "amateur"? Trying to google "ameture" primarily gives lewd results.......
It was a long, thin blade, incredibly well crafted and detailed.
Power set sounds like Mami Tomoe with a bit less specialization (and from the sound of things, no bullshit hax levels of raw skill)."Arya Avicci," The blonde gave no warning before answering with her own curt introduction, "I'm a Ministra Evoca and my second name is Tela Vesti Linen Sew. I am a natural born esper with the ability to summon and control fabric."
She repeated the trick from before, summoning what seemed to be a handkerchief and folding it into a paper crane in the blink of an eye. It was an impressive display of speed, control, and dexterity as far as her powers were concerned.
"Hard as steel, soft as silk, in any quantity. This cloth is an extension of myself,"
My oldest sister, Aisling, prefers the private sector and my brother, Aventus, is no longer with us."
Yulia, someone who wasn't even a novice level magus, could not boast anything
It was maybe a second later that the blonde straightened in her seat as the visible effects became apparent.
Yulia couldn't see it from her position, but the gem had no doubt
Please write either "1200" or "twelve hundred" here. Doing it like that just plain looks bad unless doing so uses up less spaces than either other method (mainly if you're in the million range or higher).
could hold a charge that large for a shot, it wasn't wise to keep it
Ok, so, in this snippet, you've used both "blonde" and "blond". When used as a noun (like in the sentence above), "blond" is masculine and "blonde" is feminine, so it should be "blonde" here. In British English, the same rule applies when using it as an adjective, but in American English, "blond" is the only form used as an adjective. Use as an adjective is the "He has blond hair" form.
Is this meant to be part of what the other girls are having trouble parsing?"The best place for a newly formed group to converse would be open and cheerful, with other patrons to ease your never and perhaps with drink to ease the tongue."
As Rus had predicted, a bit of drink and a social setting was all that was needed to put them at ease
You accidentally used a semicolon instead of an apostrophe there.
Either "does" + "makes" or "did" + "made"."You never said what she does, only that she made money off it."
Yulia seems like a bored powergamer. She utterly minmaxed stat creation, and then compensates by choosing the least fitting class in order to up the challenge.
There's so many it's usually officially known by a number and names being option. If a team gets popular they either come up with their own or get one put on them by either the media or fans.I like this description, it is a very fitting one. Though hopefully it doesn't end up being too too much of one, she needs to catch up to her friend.
Also, i have no idea how they tell you're in a group with people if you don't go with a theme. I mean... how do you even determine what the name is going to be in that case?
Well, it will be quite a while until I can do anything like that again. Until early next week I will probably only have internet access via my phone.
Missing a word between "down" and "creature's".
Get rid of "to".
Get rid of one of the "the"s.
Add the word "of" between "force" and "the".from the torque and force the violent motion that affected her body.
Need an "and" between those last two words.
Comma after "skull", and then "forced" instead of "force".as it lifted it's arm high with a disgusting grin stretched over it's misshapen skull Yulia force herself into a sprint.
"too" instead of "to".
I think you meant "tell tale"?
Add the word "when" after "mark".It was nearing the six hour mark we were able to confront the target,
Add a "the" before "strike".
You could also post it by scene.Thanks again, I was mostly posting in the form of the chapters written since I write up until about 2.5k or when I get sleepy so it cuts off randomly if I tried daily.
The thing is it's a minimum of 2500 daily to reach my stretch goal for Nanowrimo.You could also post it by scene.
There's one fic I follow that consistently posts 800-1200 words a day, 6 days a week, by doing one scene (or segment of a battle) per post.
... You are a bad person and should feel bad.
Generally speaking there's too many "Individual" cases for there to be a theme for everyone, so they generally just stick you together with those around your level and just fit them to a purpose. Theming is left to those at a high enough level that they can afford pick and choose their teammates or when it comes to specialized units like The Dream Team, a group of 5 C-class Ministra who battle nightmares in their district as well as Info-hazard type monsters. The problem isn't their lack of theme, it's their lack of experience working as a team. Teamwork tends to trump theme unless it's for specialized work and a more experienced team would have done something such as use Rus as bait to allow Arya to bind the creature and Yulia to deliver a finishing blow, ending the fight in a few seconds.Hehe manbearpig.
Also poor girls. This is what you risk happening when you sign up for a random team like this. I could see who this team could work together on paper, but their personalities are such that without a guiding force of a theme or a dedicated leader they really just... well Kagehoshi said it best. They just run around doing their own things while happening to be in the same area.
On the bright side at least Emmy can cheer up her girlfriend now~
*A dragon is shipping them now.*
*She will not be stopped from shipping*