Naruto: What Are These Two?

[Bobert Gobert]

The duo were trekking through the woods of the land of… Whatever country this was. Didn't have a name, for some godforsaken reason. And it neighbors another country with no name. Masashi was lazy as hell with every place that wasn't Konoha, so these were nameless, as far as they knew. I mean, even back in the Waterfall Village, nobody ever talked about the country's name. And they were there for two weeks!

One of the two, a young kid with spiky black hair and an eyepatch covering his left eye groaned. "Why the fuck do we have to go to that fucking den of snakes!" The kid kept a look around, yet every once in a while would adjust the eyepatch. "And why do I have to wear this bullshit! I already have to deal with Flaming ass feet!"

Spoiler: Shinji Hoshigaki

​

"Hey, the Leaf is only… 90% that bad!" The other boy, a blue-haired dude, defended weakly. "And you get that eyepatch, cause you look like you have an unknown Dojutsu, and that's bad. We'd get killed for that. Or you'd get experimented on." The blue-haired dude wore a black zip up shirt, black pants, two belts and a short, white, open jacket. He also had a jaw mask attached to his face.

Spoiler: Adachi Yamada

"Says the fucking Heavenly Restriction user." The Black haired boy muttered, before groaning again. "And you'd think they would realize that with the flaming fucking feet." He pointed behind him, where every step he took kept a burn mark on the otherwise grassy terrain.

"I mean, sure, but you can wear flame retardant shoes, you just refuse to, because you're a bitch." The blue-nette with a hole in his chest said. "Like, seriously Shinji, is wearing shoes that difficult for you?!" Yamada faux-argued. "Besides, your feet have nothing to do with your strange-looking eye."

"Fuck you Yamada, that shit is uncomfortable and makes me feel like I am boiling inside." Shinji complained, giving a middle finger to his companion. "I want sandals but Noooo fucking village hidden in the god damn waterfalls dont have that shit."

"Even if they did, your feet would still be flaming for the world to see. Sandals don't cover shit. It's like Lingerie for WikiFeet." Yamada said, completely ignoring how weird that statement was. 'I mean, what else would the Lingerie be? Socks? Stockings?... It was probably stockings, on second thought.' He re-thought his statement.

"Of course you would know that." Shinji made sure to point it out. 'Why the fuck would he say some weird shit like that… Matter of fact, the fucks a WikiFeet?' He thought to himself, a confused look on his face.

"I don't, it was a joke, but clearly, you don't get those, what with you getting bullied for showing your feet to everyone." The (Not)Arrancar mocked.

"I will burn your fucking Novel, try me motherfucker." Shinji threatened, kicking a pebble towards a tree. The Pebble rocketed at a fast pace, embedding itself in the bark.

"That novel came from our shared funds, you're wasting your money as well." Yamada said, with a raised eyebrow. "Besides, you read it more than I do." He raised yet another point. They didn't really have much to do, other than fight, read, and train, so Yamada didn't really blame Shinji for reading this series. Plus, it's a meme series, you can't not.

"...Fuck, fair point, who knew Jiraiya was an actually good author," Shinji muttered, moving his arms in circles. "I thought It was a joke in the damn show." He really did, no one other than Kakashi and the Third Hokage had the book on them after all. And all the women hated it.

"...The elemental nations that made his book a bestseller?" Yamada said, completely missing the rhetorical nature of that question, and emphasizing that it was stated to be a best-seller, and a beloved book. Besides, even if it wasn't, Kakashi is probably a critical enough person to not read an entire series if it's mid.

"By the way, should we let these fucks keep tailing us?" Shinji asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I mean, it's not like we're important enough to get anyone dangerous on our asses, so I don't see why not." Yamada replied, nonchalantly, while continuing to walk in the direction of East, completely unsure of whether this is the right direction. (It was not.)

"Orochimaru, Money. And the fact they saw my eye when I was cleaning my face." Shinji supplied, cracking his neck.
"Hm. Fair point." Yamada stopped in place. "HEY! STALKERS! GET OVER HERE!" He yelled at nothing. Waited. Still nothing. "Okay, I probably should've expected that." The hollow-masked man conceded.

Shinji simply raised an amused eyebrow at his friend. "Dude, they are ninjas. Maybe not Konoha level, but they are still Ninja."

"I mean, yeah, but I still expect them to at least pop out when they clearly got found out. Or at least report back. They didn't do either. They're just chillin'." Yamada reasoned. "I mean, is that really insane to assume? That they'd take action?"

All of a sudden, the two were surrounded by five Ninjas in dark uniforms, each with a sword in hand. One of them walked towards the two and looked down at them. "Come with us quietly." He ordered, the sword in his hand gleaming.

Yamada raised a hand towards him, "One second." He turned to Shinji, "See? I knew that'd work. Maybe. Possibly. Definitely, Trust for real." He gloated. "Anyways, where to, pal?" He asked the ninja, unperturbed, and completely ignoring their headbands. Also ignoring the fact they are Shinobi dispatched to bring them back home, for some reason.

"To the Hidden Waterfall Village, you two are to be conscripted as Ninjas working for the Village." The Ninja explained, turning his back to them and beginning to walk back where they came from. The Ninja around him seemed ready for a fight, but not wanting to start one.

Spoiler: Ninja Leader

Shinji looked at Yamada with a dumbfounded expression. Being wrong is one thing, not fun, but alright, being wrong compared to Yamada? That isn't flying. "They gotta be fake Ninja then," He muttered before cracking his neck. "Watch."

Shinji jumped towards the Leader and launched a three finger stab, the air around his fist creating a Vacuum and launching what almost looked like Air Blades towards the Ninja. The man disappeared from view for a second and reappeared holding Shinji's hand from the left side. The Chunin next to him took out their weapons, despite the fact that they knew that if their Commander needed to actively dodge it, that means it's not quite something they can handle individually. Luckily, they were in a team, though, so that thought is irrelevant.

"Hah!" Yamada mocked Shinji. "Told you." Yamada said, walking behind the ninja. I mean, they didn't have a home exactly, so if being a ninja gives them shelter? Cool. "So… why are you recruiting me? Like, Shinji, I get. He's kinda cracked, I don't even have chakra. Doesn't seem like it's worth the effort on your end."

The Ninja kept hold of Shinji's arm, looking at it, then looking at the Eyepatch. Every other ninja there did not move, almost frozen in place. "My orders were to get the one with an Eyepatch, and if possible get the other one with him."

Yamada shrugged. "Yeah, that's fair. I don't offer too much, other than pretty dogshit Taijutsu." Yamada truthfully stated, since he did indeed suck at Taijutsu. Kenjutsu on the other hand… No idea. He has never even held a sword. At most a kunai, and that's because he found one randomly lying on the ground and thought it'd be cool to throw it. He didn't, since he didn't want to injure anyone around, but it would've been cool regardless.
"Your Honor, he is full of shit. His body is built like one of those fucking High Class N-words from the Cloud." Shinji might have been of african descent back in his previous life. yet now he was paler than snow. 'The fact I lost my N-Pass will be my biggest shame.'

"You mean Ninja's?" Yamada asked, hopeful that Shinji wouldn't be racist in front of strangers. Especially a whole squad of Ninja that could, as far as he knows, absolutely destroy them in a fight.

"I know what I said Yamada." Shinji replied with a straight face.

That hope was instantly dashed. Luckily, the Ninja didn't seem to care. "...Okay. Also, my body isn't that strong, I can't even punch through several boulders!" The Heartless (literally) man said, lightly waving his arms, as if talking with his hands accentuates his point. 'Wait,' Yamada thought, 'This is ancient Japan, why would they care about the N-word?' The realization, and ADHD, struck him like Lightning… Get it? Since the Cloud is in the land of Lightning?... Man is the (not) arrancar glad he didn't say it out loud.

"You tanked one of my punches! Easily!" The Black haired kid yelled out, exasperation clear on his face.

"And? Clearly, so did this nice fellow," Yamada pointed at the Leader, who he didn't know was a Jonin. Nor did he think that the Jonin used the body-flicker, given how good his eyes are. He just assumed he was that fast. Which, given that his standards are Konoha Shinobi, is misguided, but not necessarily a bad way to go about things.

"Uhh… No, he dodged." Shinji replied, looking at the leader too before looking at Yamada.

"Potato, tomato." Yamada said nonsensically. 'I mean, if he can dodge it that easily, he can tank it, right?' The physical monster thought to himself, as if that line of thought makes any sense, especially in Naruto.

"That… That's not even the same fucking word…" Shinji looked at the floor in confusion.

"We'll agree to disagree." The blue-haired man said shortly.

The Leader looked at both Kids, his mask hiding his expression before nodding and pointing back at a Road. "Lets go, the earlier we are back in the Village the Earlier we can have you two conscripted." his hands moved to his side, and without the Two kids noticing he raised 3 fingers and closed his fist. He did however notice Yamada's cheerful grin, along with the thumbs up he gave him.

The genin in his squad, who didn't really notice the danger the duo posed like their superiors, were simply wondering why they had to assemble a whole squad for these two, especially given that one has, according to his own admission, no chakra. They didn't even know that was possible. Don't you need chakra to live? A few of them thought.

The Chunin on the other hand, had their weapons shaking. They did not see when the black haired Kid attacked, and the sound it made along with the shape it looked almost made the move seem like a use of Nature Transformation… Without Hand Signs. What was scarier is the admission that the Blue Haired one tanked one of these punches easily.

As the Leader guided the Kids away two of the Chunin stayed behind to examine the damage the attack made. One of the trees that was in front of their Commander's position seemed to have circular lines on the bark.

"Impressive… This means he has the Nature Transformation started already. See how the outer bark is scratched? Most need mastery to cut a leaf, much less the Bark of a tree." One nodded as he examined the tree.

"Yup. Either that, or the kid found a new wind-style jutsu that doesn't require hand seals, somehow, which is far less likely." The second, a younger Chunin, replied seriously. "What with the whole, nature transformation relying on hand seals and whatnot."

"Either is impressive, the latter just being more dangerous." The first chunin raised an arm to touch the three, to examine exactly how deep the cut goes. He felt a slight crack beneath his hands, but unsure, he continued examining it.

"Not necessarily. If the new Jutsu he has was just something he found? Then it's impressive, considering the chakra control necessary, but not more dangerous than Nature Transformation. If he has access to more, just as powerful Jutsu though?... Regardless, we need to report this to the-" The second refuted, and analyzed, before he was cut off.

A deep rumbling was heard as the Tree fell down, in circular chunks according to the scratches in the bark. "He might have more Mastery over Nature Transformation than we think…" The first one muttered. His voice quivering. This technique… no matter what it is, is incredibly dangerous. If they got hit by that… he was afraid to imagine.

The second chunin's mouth was agape. "Oh shit." He exclaimed, seemingly thinking little about the implications of 'what if that hits someone'. "That kid's a monster. Wait, the other kid casually took this hit?" The second Chunin came to the horrifying realization that the demon mask on the blunette stood for more than show. They'd probably be in trouble if those kids suddenly did a one-eighty.

"It's the blue haired one that scares me now… Imagine a Body that can take hits like this and keep going. If the first kid is going to be a Monster, it's going to be a Ninjutsu one, the other kid is going to be a Taijutsu Monster… That's far scarier." The first one remembered a small myth of a common Genin from Konoha killing 4 of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist and making the last 3 run away with their tails between their legs using nothing but Taijutsu. "A Ninjutsu Specialist has Chakra as a limit, once they're out of it they can be captured or killed easily… Taijutsu Users would only go down dead, and that's after bringing down everyone they can with them."

The second Chunin grimaced, before realizing something, and gaining a small smirk. "Yeah. Thing is, this time, the Taijutsu Specialist is on our side." The young one said with a happy, and slightly cocky tone. I mean, what's better than having your own juggernaut?

"Don't get your hopes too high kid. Rogue Ninjas are a thing after all." The Old one shook his head.

"Well, then we better treat him as best we can, because unleashing that upon both the ninja world, and our village would suck." The younger Chunin made sure to say.

The fist ninja froze for a second. "Oh… Oh Sage…" his voice was filled with dread.

"What, what's wrong?" The second Chunin asked, confused.

"They are together… Hanzo, we have been Talking about them Individually. They are Together." The Older Ninja explained.

"...We might have just received the most dangerous Duo ever since Ginkaku and Kinkaku, Genji." The young'in said. "Now we really need to keep them on our side." The younger Chunin stressed. "Or else our village is… well, probably worse than that time that fucker Kakuzu decided to fuck with Hashirama." The urgency in his voice was heard loud and clear, and completely understood by the older Chunin, who nodded in response.

The Chunin decided that now was the time to move on. They had a lot to report, and explain to the Commander, and the Leader of Taki, and they didn't want to fall behind too far. Soon, they caught up the their squad, and the duo, waiting for them under the Jonin order. "Did you get what you wanted?" The leader asked cryptically. The Chunin nodded, and sign that they'll explain later.

"Why these fuckers so late?" Shinji asked from the side, taking small pebbles off the floor and crushing them with his hand before rubbing the now smaller pebbles on his skin, piercing it and causing his arm to now bleed. The Dark haired kid winced before chuckling. "Still weak…"

"Pain isn't weakness, it's a warning that you're being stupid… Then again, I exist, so maybe it is useless." Yamada lectured, then mocked, like the nerdy friend he was. It was one of his favorite ways to talk with friends, after all. Being a dick, but attempting to at least be an educational one.

Shinji chuckled and punched his friend's shoulder. "Oh fuck off you HR user. You and your people are cheats." He took it as what it was, harmless fun and jabbing.

Yamada ignore the surrounding confused looks regarding Shinji's statement, and said, "Bitch, you don't get to talk, you fucking Doomsday ass bitch." He replied. Yamada was at first kind of confused, but grew to understand that this man will probably never accept that he's the more reasonably powered of the two, even if he has a heck of a head-start.

"I am at BEST Doomsday Lite… wait that's Mahoraga," Shinji stopped for a second, his face scrunching in concentration before smiling "I am at BEST! Temu Doomsday."

"Nah, Wish Doomsday." Yamada decided to insult him, with the same direction Shinji went. "But like, you also have Chakra, so you can't really complain about what I have. I mean, you can shoot fireballs, I can hit hard. Not really a fair comparison, even if adaptation was worse than what I have. Which it isn't."

"Ok, Gas Station Toji."

"I mean, Toji is a fucking menace in CQC, I am the most dogshit person I know at Taijutsu. I can just punch hard, and even that's debatable." Yamada once again decided to nerd out, given that this was the perfect opportunity. Plus, he did want to learn some sort of combat style to fit with his physical strength, he just really sucked at throwing punches.

The leader of the Ninja analyzed the two. 'The dark haired one, Shinji, talks about Yamada like he is part of a group of some kind. Perhaps a Clan and this Toji man could be its leader with the way Shinji is comparing the both of them. and the Name Doomsday… That's not really a good sign if it means anything.' The Jonin pushed himself off of the tree and walked towards the two. "May I ask who this… Doomsday person is?"

"Closest thing I could compare him to is the Nine Tails but even the giant furball doesn't have shit on him." Shinji answerd easily, surprising the Jonin before the Ninja sighed. 'No Ninja training, forgot.'

"Maybe the SoSP?" Yamada suggested. "I mean, Doomsday is insanely busted. Issue would be like, TSO, or something, since that's erasure, but Doomsday can adapt to that shit."

"That fucker adapted to death once didnt he? Bro, that was so cool to watch!" Shinji giggled, kicking his feet in the air.

"I mean… It was more than once, really." Yamada, the resident nerd, clarified. "Every time he dies, which given continuities is a lot, he adapts to death again, but better."

The Jonin froze up. '...What?'

"...We said some crazy shit, didn't we?" Yamada realized.

"And where is this… Doomsday now?" the Jonin asked once more, he hated having to rely on children to gather information.

"Luckily, he's fictional. He's not real. If he was, the world would be quite… destroyed." Yamada reassured the Jonin that the multiversal threat is, in fact, fake. Very much like Niki Minaj's… everything.

"Or so he says, I am a prime example of a… weaker Doomsday, like WAY weaker! Fucking ant level if anything while he is the sun."

"Weaker in strength, in adaptation, and in coolness factor." Yamada would never pass up the opportunity to shit on a friend. I mean, what kind of friend would he be if he did? A boring one, the Blunette'd say.

"Oh fuck off you Toji Reject." Shinji gave Yamada the middle finger, say what you will but now that they had who each's counterpart is, Shinji would not shit on Yamada for it and neither would the latter.

"I mean, at least it's not Maki, given that I'm not a chick." The… Heavenly Restriction user…? Said, somewhat jokingly. He could see Shinji comparing him to Maki, but since he didn't, Yamada'll take it.

"...Press X to doubt." Shinji replied, a smirk on his face. A stray thought appeared in his head. If he lost his dick in a fight, would he get it back or would he adapt into a woman? Food for thought.

"There are no controllers in this world, all you're doing is saying X, and that's not the meme." Yamada 'erm actually'd' Shinji in an attempt to be annoying. He doesn't need to do much to achieve it, but he's trying nonetheless. Especially when it comes to Shinji.

"Oh fuck off you nerd, no martial arts having bitch."

"Says the one who relies on busted martial arts, and is still weaker than me." Yamada would've been cocky from his strength, if he wasn't so damn sure that any relevant character would completely annihilate him. Especially Konoha Shinobi. As far as he's concerned, he's at best Low-Chunin.
"At least I have them! Fucking HR fuckers and their busted ass Heavenly Restriction…" Say what you will, but Shinji is not a sour loser, so what if he lost the first couple of spars against Yamada?

"Hey, look on the bright side, if this really is HR, I can't get much stronger than this." Yamada said, shrugging casually, and once again ignoring the reactions of the Shinobi, and Shinji's mutterings as they moved towards the village.

"Fucking Binding Vows. I call bullshit. You and your people never subscribe to the laws of us common men! You came out of the womb a Super-Soldier!"

"Hey, I'm talking about the law of Heavenly Restriction, not common men. The less chakra I have, the stronger I get, and unless I am gonna lose chakra, this is nearly my peak." Yamada said, thinking about how Mai became stronger, and Mechamaru became weaker as their situation changed.

"Yamada, Oh buddy Oh Pal. There are techniques that transfer chakra to a body!" Shinji tried to explain as best he could, but how can you say any more without telling the super paranoid Ninja you know the future?
"Okay? Those aren't permanent most of the time. I'd need chakra reserves to be lower." The Hollow-Masked teen said, not even realizing that him and Shinji are keeping up with the full speed of the squad… which, admittedly isn't that high, given that they had Genin to cover for, but regardless, the Genin were still impressed that Yamada could do it, given his lack of Chakra, which seemed to be a dealbreaker for them.

"Walk on water like the rest of us common men instead of running you cunt, God is fucking dead if you get any stronger I swear!" Shinji yelled in exasperation, throwing his arms over his head and chucking the small rock pebbles onto the floor. A loud boom was heard as the ground exploded like a Shotgun blasted through it.

"...Isn't God in Limbo right now? Or, wherever the fuck when he talked to the two dumbasses?" The Chakra-less Beast asked, trying to make heads or tails of wherever the Sage is, and what he represents in Shinobi culture. Y'know, besides the creator of Ninshu, and the guy who basically gave everyone Chakra.

"Pretty sure the Sage isn't a God." Shinji answered, with a straight face. Ignoring the Ninja around him.

"Pretty sure that he, his brother and his mother, are the only ones that count as ones, and one of them's the moon." Yamada said, making damn sure that he isn't specifically mentioning them by name, so that they don't get the attention of Black Zetsu, and by proxy, Madara.
"They are Aliens, we know this because of the Boruto Continuity." Shinji tried to weakly counter, still ignoring the confused visage of the Ninja due to the weird words being thrown out.

"Pft. That's not canon. It was a fan manga that got popular for no reason." Yamada said, stifling a slight laugh, "Friggin' Boruto. Hah!" He laughed at it lightly enough that it was pretty obviously faked, especially with the added exclamation.

"Oh fuck you, it was getting better…" Shinji tried to weakly protest. "Oh who am I kidding, its Dog Shit. let the darkness take me." Shinji groaned, about to let himself fall down.

"It was 'getting better' for the past five years, my dude. I'm not saying to give up hope just like… manage your expectations." Yamada tried to console the man… Horribly. I mean, sure, making fun of a friend is fun, but a friend in denial over Boruto? That's too far, man.

"Its more fear than expectation. If that shit is cannon we are fucked given we get there." The Dark haired kid muttered.
"Yeah, that's fair. His legacy didn't deserve to be tarnished in this way. Fuckin' Aliens." The blunette scoffed at the ridiculousness of Boruto's plot. Especially when it came to the Aliens just randomly possessing people, and the possessed get powers that are, for some reason, stronger than the original Otsutsuki.

"Ignore the way Boruto fucked everything up. EVERYTHING!" Shinji yelled out.

"I mean, it had cool moments, I'll admit that much, Baryon mode even got me hyped, but like… Knowing nuclear fission? C'mon, that's an asspull if I've ever seen one." The demonic motherfucker said. Seriously, how did an ancient fox demon made of Chakra know, or even give a shit about anything remotely nuclear.

"How the fuck did they even Get Nuclear Fission without Nukes? That's backwards." Shinji complained for no reason, if only to start small talk. These Ninja were so silent and broody.
"I mean, the inner demon is thousands of years old. For all we know, They did, he learned about it, and then their society regressed." Yamada offered a way out of the madness that he didn't believe in himself, as the Jonin suddenly stopped, and looked around.

Yamada heard things coming closer, with his enhanced senses, but couldn't guess exactly what. All he did know was that there were quite a few of them. Nearly a dozen. He looked to Shinji for an explanation.

"Ohoho yeah! Its time to play Gun to your head!" Shinji cracked his neck, a big smile on his face before beginning to bounce on his feet. "Rogue Nin, probably 5 or 6, all around those guys over there." Shinji explained, pointing at the Chunin Ninja in their squad.

"...I heard twelve." Yamada mentioned. "THE BANDITS ARE COMING!" He said in a monotone, and strange tone.

"Then only 5 or 6 are worth jack shit. The rest are probably Civies." Shinji then proceeded to look at Yamada weirdly. "We must save my family." He continued the reference, if only as respect to their friendship.

"Or… they're incredibly dangerous, and sneaky as fuck." Yamada offered his opinion, ending the chain he started, attempting to hint at Shinji exactly what to do, that being, target the dangerous ones.
"Even Better! Also fuck you." Shinji responded back, his smile somehow getting bigger. Shinji's leaf crown somehow began glowing softly. Most of the nearby Ninja by him held their flinch back from how evil the eye looked.

"Tell me if you want me to punch someone for you." Yamada said, sitting down, as the Taki Squad prepared for combat.

One Chunin told Shinji, "Hey, you're a precious recruit, do as your friend did, and just sit back and enjoy the show." The Chunin had a light arrogant tone, but not really towards Shinji, and more to the Missing-Nin.

Shinji turned towards the Chunin as his smile fell. His hand slowly formed his three finger stance as his biceps began flexing. One thing Shinji hated, both in his previous life and this one, was someone treating him like a little porcelain doll. He was a Warrior, he was a Fighter, and his place was in the battlefield.

Whatever Shinji was going to do, was cut off by the Jonin cutting in. "You can fight if you really want to." He said to Shinji, "Just don't get maimed. We were told to bring you in Shinobi shape, not corpse." The Jonin warned him, but only as a precaution, and not that he genuinely thought Shinji was in danger, given how deadly his attacks seem to be.

"The only corpses your gonna find is these fucking useless bums. Might as well give a show for these Chunin to enjoy, right?" Shinji replied, looking the arrogant Chunin in the eyes as he spoke. His heartbeat became louder and louder as his muscles pumped up. "Oh yeah… This is it." Shinji muttered to himself, his smile coming back, this time more fierce.
Yamada was laid back, taking a novel out of their shared satchel so that he could pass the time. Not like he needs to do much, after all. "Just don't get any blood over here, I'm reading!" He told his fellow Moron. He looked at the book. Seemed like a really propaganda-filled Takigakure History book that seemed to completely ignore any and all fuck-ups Taki, or associated missing nin, made. Except for exactly Kakuzu, which makes some sort of sense, this is the most horrible traitor in all of Takigakure's history or whatever, and nearly got the Village flatted by method of Wooden Buddha, but still more propaganda than should be legally allowed in a single book.

Shinji's hand quickly came up to his face, ripping off the Eyepatch and revealing his discolored eyes and beginning to lightly jump on his feet, causing embers to pop off around them. "Eye patch annoys me, keep it safe for me Yamada." The kid threw the eyepatch at his friend before kicking off.

Yamada, without looking, grabbed the thrown eyepatch. "Next time, don't be so edgy while ripping it off. You looked like a character from the Tokyo Ghoul anime. Root of A." His focus on the book remained, somehow, as he moved onto the next page.

"Fuck off you Hollow Expy!" Was Shinji's response before mad cackles were heard soon after. Shinji's figure was quickly blurring between the tree lines, some Chunin following behind him, his eyes continuously blurring around as he took in as many details as possible, the leaves around him catching on fire.

One of the Chunin noted that down, that little aspect of his would be a detriment to any Infiltration mission if he could not control it.

A noise was heard from one of the bushes, and just as fast Shinji was dashing towards it with his hand drawn back before sending it out. A loud explosion was heard, like an Explosion Paper Tag going off as a body was dismembered and blood splattered on the tree behind him. "WOOOO BABY!" Shinji cheered, the blood smeared on his dist and face not a concern.
The senior bandit, Shinji decided to nickname him 'El Bandido', did as all well-trained people do when met with an unstoppable object… and got the hell out of dodge, grabbing some of his younger underlings with him. El Bandido did not live as long as he did by provoking powerful ninja.

Spoiler: El Bandido

One of the youngest bandits wiggled a little, to try and get their leader to release him. "He should be tired after that, we should get him!" He yelled.

El Bandido looked back, Shinji was running after him with a manic smile. A loud thumping following after the 'Ninja'. "...I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that. For the sole reason of the fact that if you really did, I would throw you to fight that thing."

"Come back you fuckers!" Shinji yelled and demanded towards the bandits.

"NO!" El Bandido yelled back, picking up the pace. Going back seemed to be a deathwish. One which the young bandit seemed to have, as he started squirming and wiggling again.

"Please!?" Shinji pleads, for any sort of semblance of fighting to cure his boredom.
The bandits did not, in fact, come back. Well… except for one guy. The youngster that thought Shinji must've been tired. He did, in fact, provoke El Bandido again, and was currently being hurled through the air at high speeds towards Shinji.
Shinji's hand moved by instinct and slashed through the air, using his W.I.C.F to dice the young man into perfectly shaped donuts. "Aw man… I didn't want to use that one. I wanted to use The Exploding Heart!" Shinji whined as he slowly pushed himself to run faster, counting on his evolution to cover for him… It did not, he just ended up spraining his ankle and fell face first into mud. "Oh god damn it! It got in my mouth!"

Yamada, who somehow saw that, laughed from afar. "HAH!" And then probably went to read. Shinji didn't know. Yamada didn't care that Shinji didn't know. The Taki Nin were closely following behind Shinji, and since a lot of them had experienced it, didn't mock him, as his companion did. Shinji liked them more now.

"Oh fuck this." Shinji picked up a rock from the floor and took a throwing position. "Don't fail me now Rocky Mc Rockson, or so help me I will crush you to dust and snort you." He then proceeded to throw it as strong as his body allowed, for him it was not strong enough as it only caused one shockwave. Shinji was not Happy, Yamada's rock throw can cause 3. "THIS IS BULLSHIT!"

"SHOULD'VE THROWN HARDER! IDIOT!" Shinji's torment continued from the faraway voice.
"FUCK OFF!" As Shinji cleverly (?) countered, the rock exploded the head of one of the Bandits. "Oh this is some horse shit, I missed El Bandido! Shame on me, and shame on my family! Matter of fact, shame on Yamada and Yamada's family too."

El Bandido in question, who didn't know he was being targeted, only clicked his tongue. Fucking weaklings, continuing to burden him with corpses and shit.

"THE FUCK DID I DO?! IT WAS YOUR SHITTY THROW!" Yamada yelled. Shinji was shocked that Yamada's voice could still be heard this far away, but Yamada didn't care. His lungs were reinforced too, so he could yell for ages.

"YOU ARE MY FRIEND! YOUR SUCCESS IS MY SUCCESS, AND MY FAILURE IS YOUR FAILURE!" He truly did mean it like that, that is, exactly like that, only Yamada's success was his success, and Shinji would always attribute his failure to Yamada. It was always Yamada's failure. If Shinji succeeded it was because he was just that good. 'God I am a genius.'

"NO!" Yamada's uncounterable response came about five seconds later.

"And… Now I am bored." Shinji simply picked a bunch of rocks, crushed them to make them smaller and simply blasted them all at once. It was like a shotgun went off as the little dirt balls pelleted through everything in their way.
Issue is with this little shotgun… the bandits were running for a while now, and Shinji has long since stopped. It missed everything but trees. In a forest. Even the bushes were spared today.

"Hey Temu ninjas! Can you get-"

"-IT'S TAKI, LIKE THE SNACKS!" Yamada corrected from afar.

"OOOOH! Okay, Okay, thanks Yamada… Wait, FUCK OFF YOU EAVES DROPPING SHIT!"

Yamada, who now stood right next to him, said, "Hey, not my fault you were being loud."

Shinji's arm shot out towards Yamada's head. Using all three of his Martial Arts in tandem. It only served to move Yamada's head. "...Fucking bullshit, HR durability… Fucking dog shit…"

"...Bitch made." Yamada said, unphased, and ignoring the destruction that happened behind him as a consequence. "Punch harder next time."
"Oh fuck you!" Shinji cursed, a middle finger thrown at his friend's direction.

"Nuh-uh." Yamada stated cockily.

"You did not just Nuh-Uh me you little shit."

"I'm gonna do what I want, until your little punches actually damage me." Yamada condescendingly stated.

Shinji was visibly vibrating, his teeth grinding and his heartbeat was heard all around. "You son of a-"

The Jonin cut Shinji off, "Would you stop messing around, and start going after them? The trail of blood they left should be enough to keep going after them." The latter half he said towards the Genin, who were visibly confused.

"I am still tracking their mysterious ninja dude." Shinji informed. "Okay, I missed my shotgun blast™, but I can still smell the blood on El Bandido."
"Completely, might I say. You even missed that Rat thing." Yamada said, pointing at a bush. From the bush, came a rabbit.

"That's a rabbit you illiterate bastard." Shinji pointed out, looking as tho his friend was the biggest of Idiots.

"Yeah. It's a Rat with a rabbi." Yamada said, as if that makes any logical sense. "I mean, we've had weirder combinations in nature, am I right?" He lightly elbows a tree, as if asking said tree the question. "Yeah, I'm right." The tree swayed lightly, not that anyone with half a brain would give that any thought.

"...How am I the idiot in this group?" Shinji asked himself while looking at the sky. "Why god? Why did you bless this bastard with a HR and you fucked me over with a weak body that needs conflict to grow?"

"Because you failed to shoot your shotgun blast, is why. Both times, in fact."
"Fair… How the fuck was I supposed to know that we get our powers through a damn dart game?"

"...The person saying exactly that?" Yamada once again, acted reasonably. "Maybe the sign that said it? Oh, oh. Maybe the fact that I went first."

"...Fuck you and your HR you bastard." Shinji seethed a little more.

"YOU ARE LITERALLY DOOMSDAY."

"WATERED DOWN! I WANTED FULL POWER!"
"Well, that's just too bad, isn't it. Oh, no, partial immortality, whatever shall you do." The sarcasm was so thick, a man would try to catcall it, before getting stabbed.

"Indeed, in a world with Ninja Jesus, Ninja Satan and Super Alien Gods… Whatver shall I fucking do." Shinji seethed back at his friend.

"Not die, that's what."

"Once again, Bandits." The Jonin cut in between the banter.

"Fine, fine. One second." Yamada waved him off, grabbed a rock, and used the dart skills that earned him his superpower, sending them right through most of their heads. He failed to hit El Bandido though, since Shinji stepped one step, and that broke his focus.
"Three… Two… Once… And you fucking missed El Bandido." Shinji smirked, he knew what he did.

"Fuck you, it was your fault."
"Proof?"

"SUPER SENSES MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Lies, Deceit, Deception." The Zagreus!Expy countered.

"That is the same word three times."

"You're three words three times!" Shinji's counter, in his opinion, was the height of intellectuality.
"This is why you're the stupid one. Other than that Genin, who seems to think THAT STEALING MY BOOK WOULD GO WELL." Yamada raised his voice, startling the Ninja. And considering how loud his voice gets…

"Oh, lay off the kid, man. He is like, what, 13? Wait… I said kid? Go kill him, I can burn the body." Shinji could be mistaken for a man with Bi-Polar.

"We are literally the same age as said kid. Which is sad." The Hollow Gentleman said.

"...I will go kill myself now. Yamada… Puberty… ALL OVER AGAIN!"

"You're immortal, you don't get to do that."
"WHY DID YOU CURSE ME WITH THIS!" Shinji yelled to the heavens, falling to his knees.

"You cursed yourself with those shitty dart skills."

"IT WAS A GAME OF DARTS!" Shinji weakly countered. The fact that his powers were decided by a damn dart game more than grated his nerves.

"Simply should've trained your dart skills in preparation for that day."

"Ninja Head Honcho man, when the fuck can we get to the damn village?" Shinji tiredly asked the Jonin, looking at his bloody hands in disgust before whipping them on the uniform of a nearby Genin making the poor kid jump.
The Jonin sighed, probably thinking something along the lines of 'I don't get paid enough for this' despite being rich as all fuck, just let the last bandit go, and said, "Now." And went to the direction of the village.

"Time to run! Fuck I hate Cardio." Shinji quickly began running after the village. Cardio was his worst nightmare, can you imagine saying that your feet are burning from running and that being the case?

Yamada would've mocked Shinji for it, but he was currently punching the shit out of the genin from before since he tried to steal from him again. "CAN YOU LEAVE MY BAG ALONE YOU KLEPTOMANIAC!" He said, emphasizing it with a punch. He was holding back greatly, mind you, but the punches probably still hurt.

"He is a Ninja you fuck, he has to be one." Shinji calmly explained as he ran back and pulled his friend with him. "Now leave the kid alone, I don't wanna be a Rogue nin because your ass decided to kill a Ninja for being a Ninja."

"Hey, technically, we're not even nin yet, we'd just be criminals." Yamada mentioned.
That stopped Shinji, who then started to rub his shin. "Except for that leader Bastard we could probably take on everyone in this group… And if we fight him together we would be able to kill the leader…" Shinji muttered to himself, loud enough for the Ninja around them to hear. "Hell, We could theoretically kill a Kage if push comes to shove and I use everything I have in one final suicide charge."

The two Chunin who just came back from chasing after Yamada, were uncomfortable to come back to such a conclusion being stated out loud. Were they

"No the fuck we can't. But even so, we're still not Ninja. We could be rogue Samurai, for example. Think about it, a Ronin… that isn't a nin." Yamada said, as if his logic was impenetrable. Which, given his stubbornness and idiocy's habit of combining. "Wait, back up, how strong do you think we are, man? These are fuckers that can destroy cities, and you think we stand a chance? Are you dumb?"

"And soon we could do the same." Shinji grinned back at his companion. "Just give us enough time. And fuck yeah I am dumb, what type of question is that?"

"...I am gonna just like… not entertain that retarded thought process. I don't want you doing something retarded like fighting an Elite Jounin because 'they got you mad.'" Yamada said, drawing the line in the sand. "Any Jounin, for that matter. You'd get fucked up. Bad." Yamada, who's arrogance is being kept in check by being incredibly active in Power Scaling communities, was trying to make Shinji back off. Now, did he think it'd work? Probably not. But he needs to try.

"Dude," Shinji looked at his friend in confusion. "I did say soon, I am an Idiot not a retard, and I watched the damn show." Shinji shrugged.
"Clearly not well enough. Especially since we don't know if we will get even stronger." Yamada pointed out the fatal flaw. The uncertainty. They haven't really trained, let alone enough to know if they, or more importantly, their powers get stronger.

Shinji just looked at Yamada like he was dropped on the head as a child, and if shinji was asked he would say that it did happen. "...Mi Hermano en cristo, that's the entire point of my shit, I get stronger after every fight."

"Okay, correction, I don't know if I get stronger." Yamada emphasized. He, unlike Shinji, doesn't get enhanced growth, as far as he can tell. If he were to get stronger, that'd be over the course of months, not the two weeks or so that they've been here.

That had Shinji thinking. "Fuck… Okay, don't piss off anyone that strong. Got it." Shinji really was going to start fights with everyone he could to get as many 'Zenkai Boosts' as he could.

The group sped up. Well, more accurately, the Jonin and some Chunin sped up so they didn't have to deal with the Duo's nonsense, and the rest followed suit.

---

Constructive criticism is highly appreciated.

This is something a friend and I made while bored to pass time. Hope you guys like it

 

[Cardo076]

I think I'll need a bit more before I can give an opinion.