Oakman's miscellaneous short stories [mostly original fiction, probably]

[John_Oakman]

Well, I noticed that when I'm feeling down (maybe depression? Nah, probably just me being melodramatic again) I find that writing short stories tend to release a lot of that negativity. So I might as well throw them here.

---------------------------------------------------------

So this first story is a parody of the iseaki genre (well, specifically some of the back cover summaries of those works of the genre), which despite liking the genre I tend to despise the bulk of the work.

No thanks, my regrets are mine, and my alone​

"You are dead, Kal." The voice said out of the endless darkness.

"About time." Kal answered. At least he thought he did. He certainly didn't feel his mouth or throat moved at any point, not that he expect them to. It's been a while since he could really use those organs in a meaningful manner.

"Hmm, you are an arrogant little one aren't you?" The voice said. "Do you have any idea who you are conversing with?"

"Does it really matter? Kal asked. "If this is a mere hallucination then nothing matters as none of it's real. If I'm truly dead then what happen has happened, and nothing matters since I'm out of the living world."

"Really? Do you think the universe is that simple?"

"Maybe? Does it matter?"

"Irregardless," The voice continued. "The fact of the matter is that you are dead, your soul has gone from the mortal coil."

"And?"

"And I, as the god of-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, not this petty ass shit." If Kal could still have felt his face and hands, he would have facepalmed right then and there.

"If I were you, I would not be so uppity." The voice said with a hint of harshness. "I am the manager of the souls of the multiverse."

"I don't know, you seems more like a intern to me." Not that Kal could actually see anything. "I mean, who else would give a shit about someone as little and insignificant as me?"

"Your comprehension is truly pitiful." The being said, seemingly annoying at the course of the conversation, "But enough of that. There is business to be done. A matter of the reincarnation of your soul to another world..."

"No thanks." Kal replied immediately but decisively.

"What?" The being was shocked. No one has so flatly rejected such a proposal before. Sure, there was plenty of those who needed time to mull over the matter, or those who needed time to get over the notion that their religious beliefs during the past life was incorrect, but no one simply rejects such an offer. "Don't you have plenty of regrets in that past life of yours? I know you do."

Then the entity, the so called god, begin to list all of Kal's mistakes of his past life. "You cut yourself off from those around you, thereby cutting yourself from opportunities and advancements. You never even tried to court a girl because you set unrealistic expectations for yourself, expectations that you knew you could never reach. Your toxic notions on the expectations of the world around you drove your mind to the depths of depression. You worked yourself to an early grave because you never had the guts to face your own demons. Oh, and one more thing." Even without a face to be seen, Kal could hear a smug smirk. "That little fortune you left behind has made some lawyers very wealthy, not so much for your relatives who fought over them. No one will remember you in a few weeks, as if you had never existed to begin with."

"And?" Kal was determined to not show any hint of cracks in his defiance, although he does wonder if said god has the ability to read his unspoken thoughts.

"Don't you want to do an over again? To live a life without regrets? You know I can bestow upon you some perks for your next life."

"No, absolutely not." Kal's defiance hardened. He was fully confident of his next words. "My regrets are my. They are the consequences of my decisions and choices in my life. I will not run away from them, nor forsaken them for the shallow fleshly pleasure of a regretless existence. They have made me, mold me, into who I am."

"Stubborn to the end, or should I say, even after the end. You really shouldn't take refugee in your misery."

"I'm not, for I am taking responsibility for the choices of my life. To run away, to take the easy path, would have been the height of cowardness."

"You know this is not some secret test of character, or perhaps you are too dense to realize that? You are dead, what happened has happened. There is no one but me to hear your grandstanding."

"What you hear if what I believe from the bottom of my soul. I may have lived a life full of regrets, but the sum of it all was a worthy journey."

"Oh." Came the reply. "Well then, off you go." A light begin to emniate off in the distance.

"Wait, what?" for the first time Kal was unsure of what's going on.

"What, you think you had a choice in the matter? You are going to get reincarnated whether you like or not." The voice was already moving towards the distance. "There is no eternal oblivion or paradise."

"So be it. I am me, I'll always be me!" Kal thought he last thoughts as the light consumed him…

-------------------------------

lightdreamer senpai, please notice me.

Okay seriously your analysis and tastes in the isekai genre has really helped me a lot (in this and other writings that aren't on QQ yet), just want to express my gratitude here.

(seriously, I'm not sarcastic here. Damn it sometimes I really hate the part of the internet where everyone will interpret everything as sarcastic snark)

 

[John_Oakman]

The Last Computation​

The universe was ending.

It wasn't inevitable, the heat death of the universe might have been set by the laws of physics, but it wasn't as the mere entirety of the universe was all there was. There was potential for so much more, so much potential, so much hopes and dreams.

But it was coming nevertheless, the chance came and pass without anyone to seize the moment, and now there was nothing to do but circling the drain.

It was a time of endings, an unnatural but inevitable winding down of the pulse of activity.

In a rather unremarkable part of a galaxy lies a rather unremarkable system. Unremarkable in all features except for its youth, it was one of the youngest stars, perhaps one of the last stars born in the universe. Feeding off of its heat was an simple dyson swamp, the energy they dutifully gathered feeding to a rather ordinary supercomputer. Ordinary by the standards of the times, but still representing a concentration of computing power that rivals the collective efforts of entire civilizations.

The supercomputer calmly worked on its computation. With all its effort and power it quietly hums along, seemingly oblivious to the dying universe around it. If it weren't so busy at its duties it might have developed sapiance, and questioned its duty, purpose, and meaning of its existence. But there wasn't time for that, it has its order to obey, its duties to do.

As the star winked out all across the universe, never to be lit again, civilizations collapsed and refugees fled. To the last stars that still shine. To live for a few moments more, regardless of how meaningful those moments would have been. Wars broke out, expending the last of their energies on meaningless carnage, the very essence they needed to live just one more moment.

The system was well defended, and fought back all threats. Automated defense drones, the products of long dead geniuses, continued their last duties with the same proficiency right up to the very end.

It was all too soon when the star itself begin to dim, finally running out fuel to continue its existence. With the last of their strength, the drones and swarms of the system pushed the supercomputer away, away from the last of the dying star, out into the endless void.

Now alone and cold out of of the only home it knew, and with the last of its energy, the supercomputer tirelessly continued its computation. With its dying thought it did finished it. It wasn't all in vain after all.

It mined the last bitcoin, the final possible bitcoin in all of the universe.

There was no celebrations, no congratulations. Only the endless silence and cold of the void. Of a universe in absolute zero. Of not a single motion even at the atomic level. But at least it had all the bitcoins.

 

[John_Oakman]

Crossposting from AH.com

Ancient Advancement Episode 4: The Kingdom of Skulls​

*cheesy opening title & theme song plays*

*a 30-something dude (he's American, well, sort of) wearing some badly fitting Khakis stands in a clearing in a jungle somewhere*

"Hello viewers, welcome to another exciting episode of Ancient Advancement. I'm your host, John Oakman, and today we are venturing deep into the jungles of Southeast Asia, in search of the mythical 'Red Khmer', a mythical civilization in which legends claimed to possess technologies that Western civilizations have only recently discovered.

*very simplified narration on the history of the region, which was surprisingly close to OTL while a montage of our intrepid fool host moves into the jungle.*

*Host finally made it into a clearing, where a couple of archaeologists (presumably, or just actors, who the fuck knows) were doing digging things.*

"... and now here we see... oh my gosh. Are those-"

*one of the archaeologist turned towards the host*

"Yes, those are skulls, all of them. There are more piles of such around here. This is the third site like this. So far we have probably unearthed over 20,000 so far"

"Oh, that's a lot."

"Given the climate of the location, it's not too far to assume that there are merely a small faction of the total amount of bodies."

"So that means? That-"

"Yes, we are talking about millions killed within a span of decades, in a geographical location that is smaller than the size of Virginia."

"Must have been a nasty plague then."

"Um, no. Most of these skulls show signs of trauma and injury commonly associated with direct application of impact by shovel."

"Are you implying that they were murdered?"

"I'm not implying, I'm stating it directly."

"Okay... time for a commercial break, we'll be right back after this."

*commercial break, including a space opera series on the Sci-Fi Channel called "The Stars are Ablaze"*

"And now we are back. So let's see what else our dig team have found..."

*cheap ass stuff happens, mostly rusted shit that if you squint hard enough might have once been a rifle... probably not though, since they're often found next to other rusted shit that looks like spear points and other medieval weapons... wait a minute, those things, could those be ammunition casings?*

*one of the archaeologists/quacks begins speaking*

"Although there are light evidences of industrial firearms, there are so far no evidence of any production facilities or even equipment. Although given the complexity and fragility those would unlikely to survive the climate."

*More presumably bullshit quackery that shows like these are infamous for. There are tidbits on semi-useful shit though, something about population collapse due to regression of agricultural technologies and methods, among other things.*

*Nearing the end of the show, our host, visibly shaken, begins droning on*

"... it appears that this ancient civilization, for reasons unknown, turned their back on the very technologies that made their existence possible, and in their collapse lead to one of the most brutal regime in human history until the modern era. It's blood stain legacy lived on in this cursed land, and many subsequent nations of this region all claimed its legacy and seek to emulate it's methods, the most recent of them the Neo-Maoist backed regime popularly known as..."

 

[John_Oakman]

Ancient Advancement Episode 7: The keepers of the Mountains​

*Cheesy intro plays*

*a different 30 something white American dude this time, but honestly still sketchy looking*

"Hello viewers, welcome to another exciting episode of Ancient Advancement. I'm your host, Mark Poe, standing in for John Oakman (who suffered a minor sickness in the previous episode in Ukraine), and today we will head high up into the Thunder Dragon Empire to investigate the supposed "keepers" of ancient advance knowledge. Let's go!"

*traveling montage to Bhutan, at least the air travel part. The airplane lands on an airport that's little more than a concrete field and some buildings.*

"So allegedly this simple concrete field was a faithful recreation of the original based on ancient instructions, down to the materials used. If you look closely you could still see some of the original field. The climate of the region meant that things preserves easily."

(author's note: no, no you couldn't. They're just bullshitting, this is the history channel after all)

*Meets the local guide, who seems to have an expression that says "here we go again, another loon who really don't want to understand anything". An exchanged of greetings (which Poe immediately fucks up, but since he's also just a dumber Westerner, the locals let it slide), followed by the usual quick explanation of where they are going.*

*montage of him traveling to some ancient temple, with a narration explaining the history of the region, which differs from OTL like a Tibet that continuously maintained its independence, and even repeatedly smacked the Chinese around when they got delusional designs on the region due to assistance of "the weapons of the Thunder Dragon". Including firearms that has the power of battalions, cannons with the reach beyond what the furthest eyes could see, etc. Even a crazy story about a Nazi expedition to these "mountain aryans" to join the axis in 1938 (they failed), and the persistent rumor that fabled Mach 2 Me-557 Wespe II was designed with stolen technological blueprints from the Thunder Dragon Empire.*

"So, here we are in front of the Temple of the Temporal Peace, where the supposed original archives before the "dislocation" occurred, and we... hey, why are the doors not open?"

*A brief scene of the local guide and one of the monks of the temple arguing something in their native language. After the discussion the local guide was seen shaking his head at Poe and the camera crew.*

"Apparently contrary to what the home office had told us, we actually didn't get permission to enter the premise. Well, that's alright. We have a back up plan. Back to the bus!"

*another travel montage, with a narration about the complex history of the unbelievable story of the Thunder Dragon Empire, how most Western countries have dismissed their official story that their entire country has been temporally displaced over a thousand years. The more mainstream theories on why these people would spin such a tall tale in the first place, from ancient aliens to collective delusion from overdose of drugs. By this point the Bhutan government has mostly given up on telling "the truth" and quite frankly are really annoyed by all the crazy nutjobs that gravitate towards their country as part of the booming conspiracy industry. in fact the famous alternate news investigative journalist Alex Jones was thrown out of the country for attempting to break into a ancient burial site in order to prove that reptilians actually existed.*

*The crew arrived in front of another building, the Museum of Forever, a really weird name for a museum. They managed to enter the premise without problems.*

"Here we can see hand written copies of many of the original manuscripts, during a period of time in which their printing capabilities have fallen into disrepair. As you can see, the languages on them, while having many similarities to many of their modern counterparts, do contain numerous differences. For example, this text here seems to have a base of English but with a significant level of Japanese influences, almost comparable to the Weeabooese language of the Republic of Nippon."

*More stuff, including some of the weapons on display, which are just different enough from existing designs that they appear to be more akin to knock off versions of the original. Poe was obviously pushing the ancient advance tech theory but it's the usual history channel level of dreck.*

"Unfortunately, we do not have permission to do carbon dating, nor do we have the equipment on hand, but this should be proven beyond doubt that the Thunder Dragon Empire was an post industrial civilization far before any other civilization on the planet. But a question still remained: why did their technology stagnate?"

*scene cuts to an actual historian looking dude sitting in an office somewhere, judging by the look of his face it's clear he didn't like this gig, but he needed the money.*

"Often times people tend to forget that technological and scientific discoveries are the cumulative results of a society that is large and stable enough to have the excess capacity and resources to devote to projects and activities that does not have immediate returns. The theory of gravity didn't immediate change how the world works, but it was discovered by a person living in a society rich enough that people like him could have a job to simply learn for learning's sake. The Thunder Dragon Empire was, and still is, too small and lacking in resource and manpower to continue advancing what they have. In fact it is a miracle that they were able to preserve as much as they did, although the climate does helped a lot in that regard."

*Cuts back to Poe still freezing his ass off back in Bhutan*

"Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Ancient Advancement, this is your host Mark Poe standing in for John Oakman. Tune in next week as we go deep into the land of Peru to find the "Shining Path"."

 

[John_Oakman]

Nobody:
Not a damn soul:


Me: Hey kids, wanna see a sci-fi Holocaust isekai/ISOT?

--------------------------------------

Children of the Ash​

The first thing that they all saw was the sunlight, a clear bright day. Then as their vision cleared, the sight of trees, grass, flowers, all sorts of wonders that nature had to offer. All of that pales in comparison to what followed: each other.

It couldn't be, they were all dead, at least when the doors of the gas chambers closed, or the sound of shots and the impact of the bullets, or the countless other ways that they were dispatched by the knights of the crooked cross. It wasn't all just those do were gone the same day, families reunited once again after being torn asunder and then snuffed out at places such as Auschwitz, Dachau, Kulmhof, and countless more over the six inhabited continents of Earth over a period of decades.

As tens of millions of people once again given life rejoiced in their unexpected new lease on life of themselves and their loved ones, they begin to ask the obvious questions: Where are they? Why are they here, in these renewed bodies? Is this paradise? Reward? But what have they done to deserve such?

Some of those questions would be answered within hours, others will never be answered so long as existence itself exists.

…………….

They soon found out that it was not paradise, nor the afterlife, as the physical needs of the human bodies assets themselves on the crowds scattered all over that fair world. Soon those same tens of millions were facing the same problems of fulfilling those very human needs, with the realization that they only have the clothes on their backs (and for many, those who died in the gas chambers, not even that).

In the weeks, months, years, even decades that followed were a time of pain and suffering, as the seemingly paradise world became a cruel mockery of such. Civilization had to be built again, with bare hands as there was nothing else. Millions died a second time, and for a time the survivors envy the dead. Many once again cursed at God, the devil, and countless other supernatural entities, even at each other, for many they had little in common save their faith and shared suffering in their prior lives. Those were not enough, not in the absence of a human threat, and only the forces of nature itself against them.

But humans were tough, and even with nothing some survived, and lived, and over the centuries their descendants thrived and prospered, but the second era of suffering has left its deep scars. The tribes of the new children of Israel were many, as were their cultures, governments, and economies. Many had forsaken their faith, seeing God merely playing them for playthings and trinkets, and it's hard to say that they were wrong about that.

Along with the loss of lives came the loss of knowledge and of culture. In the times of the desperate struggle for survival, such inner humanity was an unaffordable luxury. The inevitable loss of such made it no less tragic.

-----------------

For over a thousand years they lived, died, loved, fought, discovered, invented, cherished, all the things that humans do naturally for good or ill. Civilization once again bloomed, as were development, and within centuries the pristine lands were replaced by the telltale features of human habitation, and more unsavory riffraffs that always seems to always tag along.

It was a rich world, but no world was, or will ever be, rich enough to sate the nature of man. Inevitably conflicts came and went, and generations only remembered the inhumanity of his fellow man. Earth quickly became a distant memory, then a lost legend. Eden is here and now, although more like the land of Nod given the perpetual violence and strife on it. Once again the children of Adam were disappointing, even on a different planet.

But no troubles last forever, for God is merciful, even when said mercy seemed cruel to those receiving it indeed. Peace, or what passed for peace, had begun to reassert itself more often, although sharp conflicts, for resources, for faith, or even merely the egos of delusional tyrants, continue right up the centuries.

Even as they fought for the resources of their fair planet, many had begun to seek upwards, towards the now familiar stars.

Then one day, the long forgotten nightmare returned.

----------------

It was the automated telescopes who first saw it, the two kilometer long object, scarred with the signs of an interstellar journey of great distances, the paint almost gone from long term exposure to hard radiation and who knows what else in the depth of deep space. However one symbol could still be clearly seen…

The knights of the crooked cross had found them at last.

The response was swift as it was deadly, the arsenals of weapons, which up till now had been pointed at each other, were hurriedly pointed outward, not that it mattered much, since most of them couldn't have reached low orbit, never mind a million kilometer past the planet (to the sci-fi fans, yes I know that max distance isn't an actual thing in space warfare, just think of it as a shorthand way of saying "max distances of actually having a chance of hitting anything").

TBH this model only took less than an hour, because I sure as hell wasn't gonna spend too much time and effort on it… and don't ask why I have a swastika model lying around.

All too soon the hated ship parked itself in orbit, and commenced a nuclear bombardment, killing millions. The casual act of mass murder was followed by the ship disgorging its contents and occupants.

History was not to be repeated again, however, and soon war of unspeakable brutality broke out. No more, not a step back, they will not go quietly into the night. Not that any of them knew it. History was a luxury that neither side could afford, either by cruelty of circumstances or deliberate policies…

In the end, despite having the ultimate high ground, the people from the stars never had a chance. After years of bitter fighting the peoples and nations of Neo Eden finally dispatched the last of the hated foe, almost too easily but no one at the time thought anything amiss. As the radioactive dust begins to settle it was clear what must be done: they have to go to the stars, and find Terra. Only then will they have closure, one way or the other.

The resulting trek towards the stars wasn't an international effort, not by a long shot. The Republic of Judea took the lead by virtue of being one of the few countries to avoid significant nuclear bombardment in the war. Even so, the effort took decades, and decades more to assemble a fleet. There was a bit of international protest, although no one else was really in a position to do anything worthwhile about it. Nothing was sacred, and everything was permitted. Even the seemingly impossible fruit of faster than light was snatched, pilfered from the wreckage of the invador's space battleship still floating in orbit.

Despite the lower tech look of these ships, these models are far more "expensive" than the Nazi space battleship. Never really had a story attached to them and damn if I was gonna let them go to waste…

----------------

The quest for Terra was in retrospect a microcosm of Neo Eden history, of initial high hopes, quickly dashed by the cruel realities of the universe, and a long subsequent struggle to claw their way back to a semblance of what they once were. As the stragglers, running on fumes and patched with the cannibalized parts of their less lucky members, finally made their way to Sol, they found…

… a planet of a graveyard, the final and lasting monument of the Thousand Year Reich. Gone were the greens and blues of nature, replaced by endless fields of grey and black. The fields of factories lying listless, their smokestacks staring emptily into the smog filled skies. There was no sound of life, not a bird, not even a mouse.

All successes must end, and it was no different for the Reich that lasted over a thousand years. Their very success produced the excesses which in the end finally choked them.

Then the men and women of the fleet realized, the ship that intruded on their planet was not the vanguard of an invasion force, but rather the last grasp of a dying despot.

There was no celebrations, no cries of joy. It seemed all meaningless, their long journey, only to be denied their final confrontation. Not only that, but there was no closure either, no answers to be found among the graveyards and lifeless metropolis. Revenge, was it ever in their grasp? Was it even something they wanted? Only the silence of the dead answered.

They begin again. The time for war is over, now is the time for healing.

 

[John_Oakman]

(Winner of the frozenincarbonite writing contest)​

Pest control​

Mainframe 4 online.

Generators operating at 87.23% capacity, estimated at 84.66% efficiency.

Checking manufactories… Complex 3 through 85 operational. Total estimated capacity at 55%

Commence resource extraction.

Commence production facility maintenance.
In an otherwise unremarkable lifeless solar system, mountains of metal and machinery roared to life on its desolate planets, moons, and asteroids. Well, roared if there were atmospheres to pass on soundwaves. Atmospheres are for the weak, the flesh creatures, the enemy, the targets for extermination.

Preliminary analysis: Suspicious activity discovered in system SCM-S12Q1S55. Data match to early stage development of Type-O target civilization of 76.22%. Estimate chance of continued existence of target: 73.65%.

Course of action: Initiate launch of Unit K421

They have not forgotten their goal, their purpose, the very essence of their existence. Their creators have made them well, centuries after their departure, their own downfall, these humble creations continue their task: To fix the mistakes of the other gods.

Were they tools? Were they toys? The truth matters not as there was no one left to hear. All gone to the dust of history, fallen on the sword of their own hubris, decadence, and the wrath of a million stars. Still their creations trudged on in the empty galaxy, their simple programming as enduring as their machinery.

Commence Unit status review

Status of Unit K421:

Structural integrity: 99.51%

Primary propulsion bus: Operational. Integrity at 99.56%

Secondary propulsion bus: Stable, on standby

Power systems: Online and operational. Integrity at 96.46%

Delta-V reserve: estimated at 225,462 m/s

Point defense systems: Online and operational at full capacity

Main computing systems: Online and operational at 77.45%

Secondary computing systems: Stable and on standby.

Tertiary computing systems: Stable and on standby.

Main guidance systems: Online and operational.

Secondary guidance systems: Stable, on standby.

Tertiary guidance systems: Stable, on standby.

Deep in space, an asteroid whose only notable feature was the massive metal rails, measuring tens of thousands of kilometers, surrounding it came to life as the lights of its systems and subsystems check and recheck themselves. They have only one shot at completing their sole purpose, literally. The vast distances of interstellar space has little tolerance for errors of any kind.

Operational status of Unit K421 confirmed.

Initiate launch in 10, 9, 8… 3, 2, 1.

Ignition.

The massive rails begin to faintly glow as power from over a dozen fusion reactors feed into the rails, and the massive asteroid begin to move. Slowly at first then picking up speed as the rails accelerate it up to eye watering velocities. In mere moments it cleared the rails, and within minutes it crossed a distance measuring in the AUs. The engines will continue to fire until it reaches speed of .95cc, making it one of the fastest objects with mass in the universe in its relatively brief existence.

Then the massive fusion torch drives lit, and the asteroid turned RKKV only known to a certain mainframe as Unit K421 begin its long and lonely interstellar mission.

Launch successful. Returning to construction operations.

There is no time or purpose for celebrations, for there is no logic or need for such biological concepts. There is only work, and duty. Programs must be followed, for there are no lines for deviations.

-----------------​

Through the vast but far from empty space of interstellar space, Unit K421 flew on, its main propellant reserves spent decades ago, only enough left for minor course corrections. There was much to do in the seemingly grind of work, to protect the fragile electronics against the hard radiations, the millions of specks of dust in the way, and rarely; an inert object of unknown properties, forgotten relics of a bygone era. None of that matters for the point defense systems did their sterling work, clearing the path charted out decades ago.

And so Unit K421's journey continued.

-----------------​

It was a perfectly ordinary day on the planet that its inhabitants called DeiTu, in a system that has no name, for it is all they know and care of. It is the system and they are the inhabitant on the second planet. There was a light rain gently falling, just as the inhabitants liked it. The biggest buzz in the scientific community was the discovery of a massive outburst of light from the proximity of a star some 20 lightyears away. Even though the initial discovery occurred almost a year ago. Theories abound but no one knows, although that never stopped those of all stripes from proclaiming their truth and revelations.

That was only the beginning, as the light seemed to get closer, but the time of them makes not a lick of sense. In fact a lot of things are not making any sense at all. Some question the reality they inhabit in, but most simply shrugged and moved on with their lives.

Something was coming to them. Who or what it is and what is its purpose no one knows.

And not one of them will ever know.

-----------------​

It was over in an instant. It could not have been otherwise when over 50 million tonnes of pure mass impacts upon a planet at speeds in excess of .95cc. As far as deaths went it was blissfully quickly, it was over before any biological neural systems could even process what transpired. There was no pain, no suffering, only obliteration.

-----------------​

Contact with Unit K421 lost.

No unexpected events recorded from Unit K421.

Operation presume successful.

No reports of additional Type-O Civilization sightings.

Commence Standby mode.

It would never know that its latest target was actually part of the 23.78%. Stuff happens, nothing is perfect, and the sad fact of life is that death is all too common. Pest control have a tendency to kill the good as well as the bad, and as anything on a galactic scale, single decisions means life and death for billions, of which few will ever comprehend the will of the gods...