Snek is a Good Boy [a Worm Crackfic]

[Ack]

I'll admit to some curiosity. Would the Director prefer to have a giant snake wandering through the city every so often? Or would she rather have an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-doing villain who wields a pistol, a shotgun, and a pair of shears residing full-time in the city instead?

Click to shrink...

I can just see Snek!Piggot and Atropos!Piggot in a bar, both leaning on the counter, staring into their drinks.

S!P: "So, when did you first find out?"
A!P: "Oni Lee got shot in the face. You?"
S!P: "He ate Lung. Then he started on the Nine."
A!P: "Huh. She burned Lung alive. Stabbed Kaiser through the head. Cut Coil's throat twice. Smeared Skidmark over two hundred yards of asphalt. And that was the first five days. Were the Nine in town too?"
S!P: "No, they were elsewhere. He saved Mouse Protector. He's very into saving people. And eating supervillains. How in God's name did she burn Lung alive?"
A!P: "You really don't want to know. Please tell me he didn't post bright little notes on PHO about who was going to die next, and when."
S!P: "No, PHO's not really his thing. He just showed up randomly. Chased the Empire Eighty-Eight through the city, teleporting them into holding cells. With someone on his back, playing Yackety Sax."
A!P: "She just warns people publicly, and if they screw up after two warnings, they're dead. She blitzed her way through the Nine in less than forty-five minutes, and she was taking time to make it look easy."
S!P: "As far as I can figure, he eats the worst and takes the rest to his world, where his Master rips their powers out and lets them loose in his own society to sink or swim."
A!P: "His Master?"
S!P: "Yeah. Godawfully powerful wizard. Like, destroying world-ending threats is Tuesday for him type powerful."
A!P: "So he got rid of your Endbringers?"
S!P: " No, he couldn't be bothered. Snek chased them down, wrapped them up, and ate them alive. Yours?"
A!P: "She blew away the Simurgh with a sawn-off shotgun, then Ended the other two in a way I'm still not sure about."
S!P: "Huh. Classy. So does she go after other S-class threats? Butcher, Ash Beast and the like?"
A!P: "Only if they threaten Brockton Bay, usually. Though the place is looking a lot nicer. She finagled a deal where we pay her ten percent of what we would've spent keeping the quarantine areas contained, plus ten percent of the Endbringer budget, for the next ten years, plus two billion for the Simurgh, and she's funneled it into a Betterment Committee. Somehow got Accord to plan the redevelopment. Paid him with his own money, if you can believe that."
S!P: "Impressive. No, the Bay's the same old, same old. A lot quieter, a lot nicer. I'm thinking about retiring. Not a lot for me to do now."
A!P: "Me too, but I'm running the New York department for the duration. Wilkins tried to unmask Atropos, and it was either arrest her or let her get shot in the face." <pause> "So, what's with the dragon?"
<both turn to look at the little blue dragon that's been raiding the peanuts>
S!P: "Sapphire's my emotional support hearth-dragon. Snek dropped her off one day. You should get one. They're amazing for the stress levels. I can put in a good word for you, if you want."
A!P: "I might just take you up on that."