Star Wars: Downright Unreasonable ( BAR/SW SI )

[Ridiculous aplenty]

A/N:1 I don't have a theme for this chapter.
But I will give you the main three songs I was listening to while making said chapter. So in no particular order.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVClSLTwDw4

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9aslWZNb24

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgVTmt6t3hg
>[A=============================C]<
Chapter 1: It began.. With a clank.
>[C=============================A]<

"Mrrmmmhhhmmbbguh"

Tell me if you have heard this one before.

Guy or gal wakes up, looks around. They aren't in the place where they last remember being.

Bonus points if they Notice they have a strange or different body. Those are always the more interesting stories.

But you can have the lightning round points if they have. Say. A robot body. Specifically. A Commander body.

You know the ones. Commanders, specifically from the planetary annihilation game series (technically only one game if you don't consider industrial annihilation a game yet).

The planet cracking, Tech stealing, ever growing machine locust swarm of destruction. Made by their creators with one single purpose. The annihilation of everything. Technologies are captured, refined, and assimilated into brutally self replicating machines of war. Making a perfect War without reason.

In most universes most SI's are put in a commander that not only survives but thrives. Dominating and repurposing any weapon they come across. And eventually achieving the equivalent of a "win" condition in life.

That's not even mentioning the people who figure out some way to be creative with the progenitor tech commander. creating new and terrifying machines of war. And practically eliminating all weaknesses of their commanders. Especially if the ROB that put them in the commander installed them with extra weaknesses. Like a unit cap or longer production times.

So with all this talk of commanders. You can see where I'm going with this. How I'm like the many SI's before me. How with my new and shiny giant robot progenitor body. I will not only survive, but thrive like the glorious robot I am.

If you guessed any of that. Then you would only be HALF right.

You see while I did get a commander robot body. I got the fracking Wish version of a commander.

To elaborate. I need to go back a little. You see when I first got planetary annihilation. I learned it wasn't exactly a new idea. You see it was a "spiritual successor" to a little game called total annihilation. Basically the same premise of PA but further down the line in the same war. So much so that they didn't have the resources to produce the really big toys anymore. But they would still keep fighting each other. To the bitter and drawn out end.

So if Planetary Annihilation was a spiritual successor. Then Beyond All Reason is now the Spiritual Remake.

Beyond All Reason or "BAR" is a little indie RTS that released its alpha right in 2025. Like so many others in it's genre. have you playing as a giant robot, making a horde of tiny robots. Fighting other giant robots and their hordes of tiny robots.

And while I will admit it is a pretty fun game. I wasn't lying about the commander being from Wish. The production times are much longer, There is no option for space combat, there are much fewer doomsday weapons at your disposal, and holy shit your units are so much slower. You practically need air transports to get anywhere. It's absolutely Hot Garbage in comparison to a progenitor commander.

And that's the body I find myself in right now. In The body of what can charitably be described as a kitbashed armada commander with Cortex armor and gun pieces strapped to it, in a mix of Cortex red and Armada blue for its color scheme. In a dark and very cold (probably) hanger bay. Well, at least I think it's cold. The cameras that make up my new eyes are showing ice practically everywhere in what I can only assume is a gigantic hanger bay. I have heat and cold sensors that are doing a half assed job of feeling in the place of actual nerves. And I have the need to take a breath even though I don't have lungs anym- WOW. Okay. Holy shit I am stopping that train of thought. NOW.

So leaving that… Breakdown for later. And doing the practical thing and focusing on my immediate problems. Like for instance. Identifying where I am.

Going back to observing my surroundings. I can conclude a few things.

1. I'm definitely in an artificial structure of some kind. If the metal floors and walls are anything to go by.

2. I think I was right about it being a hanger of some kind. There are stacks of crates and jet-like starships strewn about the place. Honestly they look more like an off brand sci fi ww2 spitfire with two jet engines in the back more than anything else.

But probably the biggest thing I have noticed so far. Number 3. Is the fuckoff huge amount of snow that seems to have collapsed through what i assume is the fighter entrance to the hanger. And when I say huge amounts of snow. I mean a huge amount of snow. Like. There is so much of it that I can't detect any light getting through the giant entrance. Which probably means that wherever I am has been seriously snowed in. maybe a super blizzard swept through or something. Or more likely, this snow has been building up for a while now.

But then that begs the question. Why am I here? Doing once over of myself. Despite my kitbashed appearance, I'm shiny. Like really really shiny. Like factory fresh shiny. Plus there are those scorch marks indicative of a commander teleporting in at the beginning of a game. So I couldn't have been anything stored in… whatever this place is supposed to be. But I mean really! I'm the shiniest Robo mother around! Despite the scorch marks right around me I am shiny as a brand new Ferrari! I'm pretty sure that If you shined a light on me at night. I would light up the surroundIng area like I was the rising su-

*CLANK* *CRRRKKKK* *SCRUNCH*

… you know with my awesome new robot body I should 1. Not be having my sentences cut off mid thought. And 2. Be much more aware of my surroundings.

Looking down I realized that I had accidentally smushed one of the crates while checking my kickass new body out. Yes I say "smushed" because apparently whatever I'm made of now is apparently heavy enough to make whatever metal I knocked into crumple like a soda can made of butter.

I look down at the crumpled mess of scrap metal that used to be the crate. With its contents, what looks to be spare parts for the ships around me, spilling out all over the hanger deck.

Honestly I would be more panicked if this place wasn't so abandoned. Suffice it to say that I'm a little embarrassed. But It's not the worst thing in the world.

I kneel down on one of my giant steel legs. Beginning to sort through the mess that I made. I mean I know that no one is really gonna mind. But I feel like I should still be at the very least a little courteous. Little 3 pronged manipulator digits extend from the side of my gun emplacements (Note: see about getting actual hands.) and I don't know why I'm narrating everything I do. But i think it's either for fun or a coping mechanism that i'm using to not panic about my current situa-

Sudden and intense Dread seized my every processor unit.

Up until now I didn't know if I was still feeling emotions properly, if they were muted or in some way changed. I would not have been able to tell otherwise.

But in comes that awful dread, that ice cold water down my back known as Fear. Arresting my every other ability. Except for the ability to stare and only now start to comprehend the symbol plastered on the side of the once crate.

Its almost comforting, in a weirdly fucked up way.

But you're probably wondering "Oh Mr. Robot - commander - but - actually - once - human, what could have caused you to feel such overwhelming Fear?"

Oh you know. Just an ordinary symbol. Not demonic, not evil, not magic. Just depicting a faction symbol

A faction symbol. A rising star split in half, with two trails curling around the border of a circle, looking almost like a rising phoenix.

You know, the faction symbol Belonging to The Old Republic.

The Old Republic, Belonging to the universe of Star Wars.

The universe of Star Wars. Which contained super weapons that could harvest stars, crack or explode planets, and even snipe entire star systems from halfway across the galaxy?

A universe which contained horrors that could easily break the mind of most normal people? Natural, unnatural, force based or otherwise?

A Universe which contained The most powerful galactic civilizations that rose and fell in the short time span of 30,000 years? Containing some of the most powerful armies ever to exist?

A UNIVERSE THAT PLAYED HOST TO AN ETERNAL WAR BETWEEN TWO CLANS OF SPACE SAMURAI WIZARDS. WITH ONE OF THEM MAKING IMMORTAL GHOST WARRIORS AND THE OTHER CONSTANTLY PRODUCING PLANET EATING MADMEN??!!

THAT STAR WARS?!?!?!

…

Ah. I see.

…

You know this feels like the emotional equivalent of slamming your toe into a German made brick wall at full force.

…

And my first ever word to be spoken in this universe is going to be…

"... Scream? Mhmm, Yes, that seems reasonable. Scream."

…

*Mechanical Inhale*

"AAAAAAAA–"

>[AC=============================CA]<

If someone were to be passing through Starfall ridge ( so named for being the supposed last resting place of the legendary Star of Coruscant) and they happened to be a Pau'an (Or they happened to be equipped with decent enough listening equipment.) They might have been able to just hear under a good mile of ice and metal. A sound.

"████████████████████████████████████████████████████!!!!!!"

If you asked them to describe this sound. They would probably ask you "How in the nine corellian hells did you know about that?" Or " Who the fuck starts a conversation like that, I just sat down!"

But upon further introspection. They would probably say it was most like " A heavy duty construction Droid perfectly recreating the wailing cry of a male sentient learning that his wife is having an affair with the blue milk delivery guy."

"████████████████████████████████████████████████!!!!!"

"And shortly after that cry, a curse filled rant at the universe's unfairness and overtly sadistic nature would be bemoaned out by the supposed victim. While heavy gun fire randomly went off in the background."

"██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████—------------------------------------------------------------------------------......................"

"Then that opera of woes would be finished with a serenade of unintelligible sobs and sighs of a great and mighty despair, that quieted down enough that those same cries could no longer be heard from above ground, even with that enhanced hearing."

…

After a bit of a stunned silence. You would probably admit to them that what they just said was one of the most beautiful things you had ever heard.

And then they would probably brush it off and say they were a theater kid before they had to join the rebellion ( because why else would you be on Hoth. It's cold as shit and a generally awful place to be. You don't exactly come here for vacation… okay maybe you skied once BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT!) and really wish they could have pursued an acting career.

This admittance of their origin would have made you kinda nostalgic. And then you would start to talk about ages long past and what ifs and could have been's. You would kinda hit it off and maybe you would have found a friend… or something more.

But unfortunately since this is a hypothetical and the magical entity known as the force doesn't work like that. No one heard this legendary temper tantrum- ( it was AN EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!!!) TEMPER. TANTRUM.

…

*Ahem*

Since no one heard … The Emotional Event ( Screw you.) Make me bitch. ANYWHO since no one heard ANYTHING ANYWAY, This is all hyperbole. Nobody heard anything, no stories were exchanged. And the only person who knows that it happened at all. Is the mech who caused it in the first place.

Speaking of said bot…

>[=A===========================C=]<

…

SO.

Now that i got… THAT. Out of my system.

I can sufficiently say… Holy shit.

I AM PACKING HEAT.

What was probably a relatively undisturbed hanger has been what can be described as Shredded.

There were Minor fires everywhere. Massive explosion marks and debris were strewn about the place. What was once a (relatively) untouched Hanger bay. Now looked like the warzone it was probably a part of… however long ago the battle between The Sith Empire and The Old Republic was.

But to be fair the hanger bay had held up pretty well. Despite being covered in Scorch marks. The superstructure was still completely intact by the looks of it. This was especially obvious where my shots had hit the support. Infact….

"Holy Frack! I barely Scratched That beam! How durable is it? Wait, how Powerful am I?... And why am I self censoring so much? Questions for later."

Shaking those queries off. I looked around. I was trapped, stuck, in a hard place. Whatever you want to call it. And my freakout hadn't helped me get any closer to getting out.

I looked around, For any possible exit. The Corridors- too small for me- the hanger entrance- The snow had long since turned to ice and would definitely cave in if I tried to dig myself out. Making an exit for myself? Same problem as the last sentence. Especially if my sensors which said I was a good mile underground were correct.

I can't exactly build a smaller unit on its own. My fabricators aren't nearly complicated enough for that, and there is no wind or sunlight for me to harvest so I can't power a bot factory. So basically, Im Fracked (okay, starting to get worried about the self censoring stuff ) unless some smaller robot drops out of the sky for me too-

"… Hellloooo~"

Leaning up next to two crates in a V shape. Is the unmistakable figure of an Astromech droid. Iced over, clearly depowered and in major disrepair, but just maybe….

" you'll do nicely."

Marching up to the little droid (because the only modes that seem to be on this mech are stomp, march, and charge.) I knelt down to grab ahold of him with the manipulators on my gun hand. His junked up body clunking and clanging in my hand like it was made of badly strung together soda cans.

However I knew I could repair this little guy. My new subroutines told me so. Moving my nano-faber arm right up to the astromech. I let the nanobots flow into him. And watched the magic happen.

You see the funny thing about the "Resurrection" Process is that while it can save and repair parts. For the most part if Parts of the broken machine are just straight up damaged beyond repair. The nanobots will straight up eat the scrap metal, and make a new part that they think might fit the bot.

So as I'm watching the metal of this astromech mend itself. I see plates start to be eaten away. With new ones of bright blue affixing themselves to the little droid. I see its left leg be completely consumed and replaced with a red and black actuator leg with a red shoulder pad attached to the side of it. Its main head camera lights up with a yellow light like a Pawn unit. And it gains a red flood light like a cortex unit.

All in all, The droid looks like an old republic astromech that got a paint job from both a cortex and armada designer. Kinda cool looking, not gonna lie.

As the astromech repairs are completed. Information rushes into my processors. Engineering components, tools, star ship maintenance plans, how to speak binary, even some guides on how to make engines, Navigational computers and even basic hyperdrives!

But more interestingly and probably more importantly. Astromech and other droid parts. And specifically. The Droid brain. An utterly beautiful mechanical organ. That produces AI that are the most beautifully intelligent and emotional mechanical creatures to ever grace the halls of sci fi. And subsequently. Leagues above my current (Read: not built yet) army's AMI.

I… This…. How… my god. My new brain is already working on designing new units. New warmachines! New weapons… new Starships. From this little old astromech… my god!

Im startled from my musings as the droid whirrs to life. I see it start to flicker to life. Its optics begin to dawn with life as I set it on the ground. As if awoken from a long slumber. It begins to take in its surroundings, until looking up at me

<Booting up—M8-T5 = Online—'Online?'—Query = New Entity—'Identification'—unknown—Query = 'Unknown Droid Identity?'>

…

… huh. I mean… I've read enough SI works to know that you usually forget your name… but to have it happen to you is… strangely freeing.

I mean. I can't remember who my family is, who my friends are. I remember events from my life and plenty of trivia. But names of places… it's all blank.

I expected to be sad. And don't get me wrong! I am a little. But it's like… I don't remember my connection to them. There's no… emotional baggage there…

Maybe it's Whatever ROB that put me here. Didn't want me feeling bad so he must've gone "snip" on that emotional connection.

I'm not who I was before… Well to be fair, I'm still like 70% that person. (whoever they were.) but for the most part… I'm a new me… im … me…

"...Huh huhuhu he he ha hahaha Ha HA HA HAHA HAHAHA MWAHAHA HAHA HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA!!"

For the first time in this new world. I laugh. Not proud to admit it but it definitely was a wee bit of a manic laugh. (Maybe I should figure out how to see a therapist after I get out of here…)

But honestly I have never known such… FREEDOM! I have no obligations. No Ties to another time or place. My only loyalty is to myself and my morals. No one commands me but ME!

Maybe my life was great or it sucked. Maybe I was poor or rich. Dumb or smart.IT DOESN'T MATTER! I'M UTTERLY FREE NOW. TO DO AS I WISH!!!

IS THIS WHAT THE SITH WERE TALKING ABOUT? BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA!

HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!

<Query=Concern—'mental state'—stability='jeopardized?'>

I turned my head to the Smaller droid Laughing and guffawing. Even though I no longer have the organic need to slow down or take a breath.

" Ha ha ha hu hu… hu … ha … ha … I'm sorry, that just hit me funny."

Fully turning to the droid after that manic gut laugh. I considered his question. I can choose literally whoever I want to be. But I need to choose something good, something original.

'Hephestus? no, probably already taken. Ptah? Bah, not cool enough. So who could I name myself after…. Oh. that works'

And like a flash it comes to me. Out of Persian mythology. The man who became the ultimate cyborg. And the very first doctor, craftsman, and smith. And perhaps a prime god when humanity ascends beyond time and space.

And so, I focus on the astromech. Seemingly shuffling in place from how I'm making him uncomfortable.

"Me? My little friend? What a good question. And I thank you for asking. My name? My name is THRAETON"

I bend my knee down, putting my fabricator arm on my knee.

" And You my little friend? You and me are going to do spectacular things together!"

The astromech stares up at me. Phrasing my words. Comprehending the UTTER GLORY THAT WE WILL ACHIEVE TOGETH-

<Statement = No—Intercourse—Thraeton / = / M8-T5—physicality=impossible>

…

Wut?

"N-no that was not what i was referring to-"

<Emotive = relief—'oh good'—addendum = 'full stop'—genocide = 'never gonna happen'>

'Wu- NO. I was not referring to genocide eithe-"

<Relief—Query = 'lesser scale'—'Mass Murder'—Clarification = 'not cool'>

"OH MY ROBOTIC GOD! I AM NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FROM REFERRING TO PURPOSELY CAUSING DEATH ON A MASSIVE SCALE!!!"

<Extreme Relief—pause—M8-T5—requirement—clarification = 'purposely?'>

" HAgubuhmrhebnnnnnnbepphhhh….." making a sound that can only be described as " the concept of frustration" I rested my head piece (just so you know, it sucks not having a face) into my weapon based arms. Took a long and deep (fake) breath. And looked back at the little at the little … FRIEND...

"No no no… what i was referring to little… guy. Was not any murder. Not any… physical interface. No no no, what I was referring to… is very different" I stared at him right in the optic.

"We. are going. to steal… pause for dramatic effect…" my flood lights suddenly light up, lighting up the surrounding room "EVERYTHING!!" my Thunderous artificial voice slightly echoed throughout the hanger.

Yes. I'm going to steal. Literally. EVERYTHING! You see when I got all that juicy information from T5. I realized something. If the information banks in an old astromech droid can give me a massive leap in technology. Then what can I get if I get off this world?

I could probably make even more starships, weapons, space stations, and fortress planets. I would never have to worry about any danger, because I WOULD BE THE DANGER. Hell. if the era is right. I could probably make myself an LMD body so that I could interact with people again. And all I have to do to get it. Is to get close. AND STEAL EVERYTHING.

But it won't be easy. I know, criminals, monsters, the dark empires that existed throughout the ages, any dark force user, the super weapons? Any one or combination of these things could probably kill me if I encounter them unprepared.

While I can produce legions of Machines in mere hours. That doesn't mean that their armies that already exist cant absolutely wipe the floor with me. Or bombard me from orbit. Or they can pull up a force storm. Or lightsabers reflect all of my shots right back at me! Or any number of esoteric abilities I don't know about!

If I'm gonna survive, I NEED to steal. Steal me some tech. Steal me so allies so that we can become friends. Steal me some ships. Steal me some planets! I NEED TO STEAL. EVERYTHING!

…

Heh heh… oh yeah. If things go smoothly. I'm looking at one of the greatest adventure galaxies in fiction. Being free for me to explore and party in for all eternity. Especially without the danger of a true death. Heh, seems like everything's looking up Thraeton-

<query—thraeton = requirement— 'maintenance check?'>

…

" Alright listen here YOU LITTLE SHI-"

>[===============A=C===============]<
End of Chapter. To be continued
A/N:2
So uh… hi. This is my first ever proper fic. I've done Omakes before but never my own fiction. So please discuss. Constructive criticism is welcome. And I hope you enjoy my work.
I will try to post semi- frequently, I'm also gonna post informationals about this new world so you can see this love letter universe to star wars I'm making.
My knowledge on the lore is spotty at best. I have the broad strokes of both The Original and new cannon. My primary knowledge comes from the movies and tv shows. Plus a few of the original and new comics. And the SWTOR MMO. If you feel the need to point out I don't know something or my guy could have done this. Note: 1. I probably straight up didn't know that and 2. TELL ME ANYWAY. I like learning about new Star Wars lore. Old or new.
This AU is closer to legends than anything else. But I will use the parts of Disney canon I like such as Andor and Rogue one. And also a touch of star wars visions and the templin institute reimaging of the sequels.
This fic is inspired by the countless commander fics before it and will have some aspects of them.
But know this. This will not be a fix it fic or and exponential growth in power… well it will have elements of that. But only to a reasonable degree. Our SI is 1. An idiot. So he doesn't always think through a situation fully. And 2. This au is basically the higher estimates of power scaling when it comes to star wars. Which means doing a starkiller and pulling a ship out of the atmosphere is completely possible for any of the Skywalkers or higher end force users. 2003 clone wars was the closest to properly depicting what happened during said war. And most Jedi masters and Arc troopers are IRL anime protagonists and Master Chiefs respectively. OUR BOY IS FUCKED unless he figures out how to Steal even faster. But we will get to that.
You can thank Tomb_spyder, DannyJ, Ravensdagger, LD1449 and my highschool english teacher for inspiring me to write. Love their work and I really hope you enjoy mine.
Best regards.
ELITE

 

[Ridiculous aplenty]

Logo for our funky little guy. and his funky Romanian ROBOTIC helpers.

Spoiler: LOGO

faction logo.png

drive.google.com

edit: I dont know how to upload files to an image host the questionable questing will take <:S

 

[Martian_Tech_Adept]

<query—thraeton = requirement— 'maintenance check?'>

Click to shrink...

little guy has said like 3 lines and I already love him

 

[Ridiculous aplenty]

little guy has said like 3 lines and I already love him

Click to shrink...

Don't tell him you said that. All that weight will go right to his ego.

 

[Ridiculous aplenty]

here is my second rendition of the faction flag

https://imgur.com/gallery/auto-alliance-flag-UJeb6zf

 

[Rustic]

This has potential. I like reading stories. As a reader i like stories that take themselves serious. This one has that possibility.