The Alchemist Effect (Kamidori Double-SI)

[Jackie Avocado]

Jackie: Aw shit. Here we go again...

Ric: You say as if you didn't enjoy it.

Jackie: Bitch, I was in the middle of updating absolutely nothing since I have nothing resembling a publishing schedule.

Ric: You also don't have anything resembling proper grammar.

Jackie: I blame America!

Ric: Yeah, yeah. It's never your fault, huh…

Jackie: Yeah, like how it was never my fault our last two colabs didn't shrivel up and die. And on that note, enjoy this brain rotting mess of a fic!

Ric: Sure, blame me. Like you always do. Anyway, there are some notes at the end too.

---

The Alchemist Effect

Chapter 1: About The Consequences Of 2-in-1 Packages

[Richard 1]
​

It wasn't like they pictured it in books.

Death wasn't neither a bright light, nor a painless drift into eternal sleep. No. It was a constant torture, a prolongated torrent of pain threatening to change my understanding of the word itself. To say that it was cold and dark would be the greatest misunderstanding in all of human history. For it was the drawn out loss of senses, the anxiety in front of the inevitable... It was the slow realization that everything you knew - life - was getting away from your grasp, and there was nothing you could do about it.

Never before I felt so helpless, so feeble or… scared.

A car collision nearby, probably caused by some drunk murderer thinking that drinking and driving was a good idea, sent one of the vehicles into a building. To be precise, towards a shop from where I was exiting at that very moment. Call it luck, destiny, fate or whatever. None of that mattered when the bumpers of that metallic monstrosity broke my bones and pinned me to the concrete wall.

I want to say that I lost consciousness then and there, but to my great sorrow, that was not what happened. A brief moment of desorientation, before I realized my situation.

There aren't enough words in the dictionary to describe how I felt at that moment..

I don't want to remember it. Not the panic engulfing me when I couldn't move or feel my lower body. The mind-breaking pain. Those damn assholes looking around and shouting some stupid shit. Worse was those imbeciles calling themselves doctors that affirmed I couldn't take me out without equipment because some hook-like part of the bumper had attached itself deep into my guts. I'll never forgive them for their useless excuse of a first-aid treatment on the spot, nor for giving me a morphine injection while waiting.

Because the injection didn't work. Neither did the first-aid.

In all honesty, there's no shame in myself to admit that I cried, whimpered and begged during the first, eternally long, minutes of my demise. Dying was scary. I wanted to live, perhaps truly for the first time. I wanted to see my family and friends, and apologize for not being the best version of myself. I didn't want to keep feeling how my life and blood was wasting away, drop by drop, falling into the floor to become useless dirt, soon to be cleaned and forgotten in time.

During the whole debacle I did the only thing I could, grasp to my consciousness as tightly as I could, hoping for the best, even if misery had been a bit quicker.

In the end, neither my family or the equipment arrived in time. Surrounded by curious strangers and other useless characters. Feeling how the last dregs of my being were surrounded as by the fingers of a hand - I died alone.

[Richard 1.5] ​

"You look a bit tired, Richard."

"Your sister died."

"C'mon Ric, you gotta live up sometimes, mate."

"So you're Leguna?"

"So being a lawyer got too heavy and you just quit, is that it!?"

"Man, that's some talent with golems for someone so young!"

"You're a real piece of work, Ric."

"My name is Wilfred Dion, but you can call me Wil."

"I wonder if you will always remain so apathetic…"

"What's your name?"

[Richard 2] ​

The cold wind was the first one to greet my awakening. As I opened my eyes and the cloudy night sky welcomed me back to life, a moon rising in the horizon.

Alive…

That was the single thought in my mind for a few minutes. Sheer wonder overwhelmed my being as I basked in the happiness of having escaped the cold hands of death itself. My mind was in disarray, my body was hurting and the temperature was far below my preference. Still, I'd have taken such a thousand times over dying.

I stood up, my feet threatening to give up at any moment and several parts of my body protesting against such actions. I touched my body to reaffirm it was there, still in one piece. Something was wrong, but I didn't register it at the moment. I was too drunk in elation to question it. I had to get home or to the hospital first, however I couldn't recognize the place where I was, it was some kind of forest but it wasn't like any-

*throb*

It's a forest devoid of monsters. Relatively close to the Cliffside Church, a couple of days away from Yuidora on foot…

No, wait. Stop. What was that? What the hell is Yuidora!?

*throb*

The workshop city, where I live and-

NO! That's wrong. I'm not-

*throb*

My name's Leguna.

Lies! My name is Richard! That's the name my mother gave me!

*throb*

My parents are dead. That had been so for years.

No. No. No. NO! That's wrong!

I shook my head and started sprinting. Without exact knowledge of what was happening, I forced my legs to carry me forwards.

*throb*

Magic.

That's a myth!

*throb*

Alchemy.

Not a real thing!

*throb*

Mikeldy.

That place doesn't exist!

*throb*

Not earth.

...How?

*throb*

I got into an accident while collecting reagents. A stray monster attacked me.

No… that car… I...

*throb*

*throb*

*throb*

Please…. Stop. I'm ordering you to stop!! I am myself… aren't I?

My useless running came to a stop as I lost my will to keep going. Neither my mind or my heart could take more. Not without breaking. A quick look around told me that I went around more than I could have possibly done before. Even with my - this - body as injured as it was.

The dark clouds had dispersed already and the moon was shining brightly atop the sky. In a last act of defiance, I walked slowly towards a clear nearby.

Illuminated by the moonlight. A single look destroyed whatever hopes I still had.

In front of me was the reflexion of a young man. One of fine but manly features. Raven hair as black as night and exotic, charming, purple eyes.

The legs carrying me on gave up and I fell into the ground. The left hand made its way towards the belt, taking the last couple of vials intact. Those would heal the body and replenish the stamina lost. I drank them both.

I was alive.

Indeed, I was alive… but, I couldn't help but question if I could really say that aloud in my conditions… and worse, to question if I was the one still alive.

No. That doesn't matter.

*throb*

I am myself. I'm Richard. Not Leguna.

*throb*

Shut it! I refuse to die! Not again. I may have been a waste, a parody of a human being before… But that ends now. I don't care to whom this body belonged before. It's now mine!

*throb*

Sure, keep it coming! No matter how much information you try to fry my brain with, I'll still be myself! For the first time ever, Richard is going all out!

...

The homecoming was a strange affair at best. With each step I took from that forest to the city of Yuidora, my fears slowly became grim determination. With each ragged breath I took, my mind stabilized more. With every ache in my muscles I reaffirmed myself a little more.

I died. Leguna also died. Maybe. He still lives in a way. As a part of me. Complementing my whole.

All I knew for sure was that his body was now mine, even if the memories residing inside were trying to overtake me and merging with my own. However, the throbs eventually stopped messing my head, there was no will behind them, only recorded information.

A blessing, because I was sure to face defeat if the soul of the guy was still intact.

And yet… I was still myself. Greater, even.

Thus, I entered past the walls surrounding Yuidora and walked around the famed city of alchemists. Ignoring the concerned gazes at my clothes (and probably exhausted face too), I made my way towards the workshop I recognized as Leguna's and thus mine.

Mikeldy. Yuidora. Leguna. Alchemy. Magic.

To say that were many things to investigate on would be an understatement. There was much work to do. I wanted to see my family again and I wanted to learn the way to surpass my own mortality….

All of those, however, had to wait until I put myself together. Preferably after a hot bath, something to eat and a good night's sleep.

With that in mind, I collapsed into the bed.

[Richard 3] ​

Some days passed before I pulled myself together out of that shack.

The weather was what one could describe as 'optimistic', the sun was shining brightly in the cloudless sky, people were going back and forth selling or buying wares, while the sounds of hammering and other industrial noise filled my ears, but I felt strangely content with all of it. Even when the memories in my head screamed that those trivial details were an everyday occurrence, they still felt so natural, yet so new and vibrant… A feeling of being alive and part of the world around me was as uplifting as one could imagine, if not more.

Thus, I spent such a morning inside a bar.

Tian's Bar was one of the most popular bars in the city. Not that the competition was too close. Weird, considering how utterly capitalist Yuidora can be. But maybe because it's one of the oldest and a really relaxing place in general.

"Another plate, Tian!"

"Oh, Leguna, you're finally treating your stomach as you ought to." The man replied cheerfully.

"You bet!"

As they say, hunger is the best condiment for food. I wasn't in the starving phase where I'd swallow my pride and even eat a pizza with pineapple, but it was more than enough to taste most things as delicious. Probably for the best, given that the dishes were made with things like 'werewolf meat' which would have raised some red flags by name alone.

I didn't need more than a couple of days inside Leguna's workshop until I got myself together. Implausible, under normal circumstances, but more than enough when your brain is working at ten times its maximum capacity.

A second chance at life. What a wonderful gift. While I raided Leguna's food supplies, missed deadlines for jobs he took and had a (not) wonderful time digging through his memories, I learned more than a few things. Namely, about the existence of gods, about the role of alchemists, the confirmed existence of souls, I learned about a strange, malleable and fickle but controllable energy called magic, one that worked in tandem with the laws of physics, yet worked on an entirely different set of rules.

Thus, I started experimenting, with pleasant results.

I refused to die once again. At risk of sounding like a third-rate villain, I desired to attain a way to circumvent the destined end of all mortal life. Such was nothing more than hubris, as life itself is cyclical, containing a beginning and end, nothing could ever be truly untouched by death.

But to be human is to be a maker of miracles, a being capable of the impossible.

To avoid death at all costs and perhaps even go back to my family. Those were the goals to strive for.

In one hand my fork systematically carried food from the plate to my mouth, with the other hand furiously scribbling ideas and plans. The lack of manners wasn't something I cared about, but even I realized that what was left of 'muscle memory' in this body made the unsightly ordeal into something almost elegant by movement alone. I may have half-assed knowledge at best from my technologically superior world, but each creation was worth gold if used correctly. More than that, on earth there was an abundance of wild, ludicrous ideas in fantasy stories, books and games. All I needed to do was to bring them to life, test them, refine them and make them useful to my goals.

I would find a way. Even if there wasn't one, I'd just create one myself.

Now… lets see how much I can abuse the mystique of this word to ascend to greatness.

[OoOoO]

[Zachary]​

You know something… death is fucking weird. And painful, mostly painful. Getting stabbed in the heart is painful, especially when your dumb, usually passive, ass tries to play hero when your good friend is getting mugged.

I'm scared as fuck, no question. Shit, if my heart had not exploded in my chest due to the knife, it'd be beating like some bongos.

Darkness took me quickly as it does when your heart is FUBAR.

Numbness overtook pain, and fear gave way to apathy.

So, what? I was dying, I was only a matter of time. Hopefully, I could ask Satan for the wifi password before my eternal torture.

[Zachary]​

I woke up.

It was dark, cold, the ground was hard. I heard a dripping echo from the stalactites above. I was in a cave of sorts.

My head throbbed, painfully. It hadn't hurt this bad since my wisdom teeth acted up that one December. It was an 8 out of 10 on the "Goddammit, make it stop!" scale of pain. But all it got out of me was a groan instead of a full-on scream.

My chest and left arm hurt like hell too.

I looked down and took notice of the source of my pain. My chest had large claw marks from my right shoulder to the left side of my hip, turning whatever clothes I was wearing into confetti. My left arm looked like it was shredded to pieces, I couldn't even twitch my fingers. I felt fresh blood flow down my face as I stared into the darkness.

Okay, how the fuck was this an 8 out of 10 on the pain scale? I should be in fucking agony right now.

Welp, I'm cold, bleeding out, most likely have a concussion, and I can't even move one of my arms.

As usual, Wil, you are a master-class in decision making…

...Who the fuck was Wil!?

My name is Wilfred Dion, an apprentice alchemist.

I thought I was more than ready to prove myself as a true alchemist, and in the heat of the moment after an argument with my friend, Leguna, I rushed to the nearby cave systems. It was dumb beyond all measure, I knew it, but the deaths of my parents ten months prior hit me hard. It still did. I wanted to do something, anything to make sure their legacy didn't just go out with a whimper, that they had at least left a son they could be proud of!

I encountered a monster, a four-legged, wolf-like beast, and was mauled rather brutally, until both myself and my attacker fell off a cliff. The wolf broke my fall, and as a bonus, its own life.

Bruh, slow down a second, I need to process this shit. First off, my name isn't Wilfred, it's Zachary. Wait a minute… alchemist? Alchemy? The fuck is this, Fullmetal Alchemist? Oh lord, was I in some isekai shit!? No. No! Noooooooo… Okay, probably. Maybe. Yes! I CAN USE FUCKING MAGIC! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wait... where in the dosh dingle darn am I?

Yuidora, a city famous for producing famous alchemists, and its many advancements in the study of alchemy, and technology.

Shit… we got magic wifi?

No.

Fuck!

The throbbing in my head dulled as I laid there, letting the memories of the one known as Wilfred Dion settle in my mind. I didn't fight it, the kid and I were pretty similar, though he was a good bit more hot-blooded than I was.

Magic, alchemy, a whole new world. A whole new life.

I spotted the dead wolf next to me, and a large hammer on my other side.

A wry, and pained smile made its way onto my face.

"Really, Willy-boy, you were..." I groaned as I forced myself up. "...a fan of Hammer-Time?"

I picked up the hammer, keeping the head of it on the dark cave ground. It wasn't exactly a cane or a crutch, but it'd have to do.

Questions ran through my mind as I began to assess the situation properly, mainly: Why was I in this kid's body?

Did he die or something, and I was thrown in through mere cosmic coincidence? I wasn't as conceited enough to think I warranted the eyes of ROB or, Truck-kun's case, running over my corpse.

Either way, second life or not, I wasn't very comfortable body-snatching some random kid. He had his whole life ahead of him, he was so close to being what he dreamed of...

I sighed. There was no point in bitching about it.

But my softheartedness made me feel like I should at least do something to honor the memory of the real Wilfred Dion.

I picked up a particularly sharp stop from the ground and made my way towards the cave wall. I raised up the stone, and began carving.

R.I.P.
Wilfred Dion
He was an absolute lad.​

Welp, it's my finest work yet. A grave without a body in the middle of a dank, dark cave.

I flinched as my arm throbbed in pain. Oh goody, I still have feeling in my arm. Thank the gods for healing potions, if it weren't for Wil's memories, I'd have thought this was a completely backwater medieval fantasy world and what counted as doctors here were going to saw my fucking arm off.

Now… to get out of here alive to use said healing potions.

…

Coming back to Yuidora was easier than I expected it to be. I ran into no monsters, despite being covered in my own blood. No clue if I have a guardian angel or something, considering the gods are real in this world, that's an actual possibility.

As expected, I got quite a few stares as I made my way back into the city. Looking like a walking corpse will do that to you. A few people actually looked like they wanted to help me, but no one actually approached me in the sorry limp I called a stride.

I all but kicked down the door to what was currently my home, and opened the chest I kept my potions in. I chugged down three of them before my wounds finally healed. Tasty too, better than Kool-aid.

Pain was gone. A small relief, I was still confused…

What do I do?

Who do I talk to?

What can I make out of this mess?

I couldn't go home, that much I knew. No one would recognize me in this body anyway.

Though, becoming an alchemist like Wil wanted to. Hell, I could be one in less than a year if I kept myself from doing retarded shit like that again. I was already apprenticing under a fully-fledged alchemist after all.

From what I could tell from Wil's memories, alchemists were almost like glorified, magic blacksmiths. But they also brewed potions, did architecture… they dabbled in a bit of everything and made sure they were damn good at it all.

I myself did things like study how guns were made and different forging techniques for swords. Do they have katanas here? Eh, they will… just give me time.

Magic was something that I was going to spend a lot more time studying, I always had a sort of fascination with magic. Even though I went with the mofos with the huge swords in most RPGs and whatnot. But I had a sort of particular fun with figuring out how to break the magic systems of whatever setting I was interested in. This world would be no different.

A grin spread itself on my face as I locked the door to my house. It grew more manic as I made my way upstairs, my eyes became unfocused as I thought about the possibilities presented to me.

Wil had some good ideas… but they all felt too small. Too one-note. Not much flare or wonder to them. But while I wasn't a genius of any regard in my world, I didn't need to be to recreate some of the wonders from my world as long as I had magic.

All that time I wasted on random Google searches didn't seem so wasted after all…

I grabbed a notebook and a pen, as well as a few books I had on the topic of magic.

This new world… it was not prepared for the Lovecraft loving weeb that had been thrown into it.

[Zachary]​

It had been a few days.

I got yelled at by my master alchemist for doing something retarded, and nearly getting myself killed. Got fired from being an apprentice… so that puts a damper on my plans unless I can find someone else to be my mentor.

Breaking the world… was surprisingly easy. Well, it was less breaking it, and more that I was applying what I knew from other magic systems from fiction worked wonders.

Magic Circles being one of the biggest things. They were how most races in this world used magic. It depends on intent, and mana input, and the complexity of the circle.

The complexity of the circle is where shit got interesting.

Most of them, when you get the concept of it down, wasn't at all complicated. Basic circles were like adding 2+2 advanced shit started throwing things in like division, multiplication. In a sense, magic circles were mystical math problems, but instead of the solution being a number, it was a fireball into the face whatever the fuck pissed you off.

Even the supposedly highly advanced magic circles were easy for me to grasp, even with the disaster known as the American education system.

The main problem was mana input.

I was not someone with a shit ton of mana. Hell, one couldn't even increase the amount of mana they had with training. Sure you could increase your reserves slightly with time, but it wasn't really worth it. You were either born someone with a shit ton of mana, or you weren't.

Then I came across something rather interesting about the modern magic circles.

They were wasteful. Mega fuckin' wasteful.

Through a few modified decision circles, I was able to deduce that the actual amount of mana used in your typical fireball spell was absolutely minuscule compared to the amount actually used in the act of forming the fireball.

So, why is this?

It's because the circle is "open", it's not close off, leading to damn near all the mana needed for the spell to work to escape and be wasted, forcing the caster to use a constant stream of mana for the spell to follow through. Thing was, the time the mana was taken and the spell went through were so fast you wouldn't even know it.

I couldn't form a fireball, even with all my mana, all I got from my attempts was a few sparks. And that shit felt me more drained than a retail worker. I'd know, I was a retail worker.

The problem wasn't speed, it was mana input. Specifically, how to stop the waste of mana during casting? How do you "close" the "open" spell?

It was something that puzzled me… quite thoroughly… for all of thirty seconds.

Changing the equation, and in a way that would funnel all mana used and leave nothing wasted.

Changing the equation… Well, it was easier than accidentally backing over your kid in your driveway.

The advanced shit got into advanced calculus and geometry at the worst.

And with the horrors of the American education system, and the horrifying realization that, yes, I did, in fact, remember what I was taught in school. I was able to fix the fuck up of this world's modern magic.

And it was made incredibly apparent just how bullshit wasteful the normal Magic Circles were when I went into a forest the next day, chose a particular study looking boulder, and threw fireballs at it for an hour before I even started feeling the drain.

Then again, this was an extremely low-level spell from a book given to me by my mentor. I'd actually have to get my alchemist license and rank up before I got into the good shit… legally that is. And I wasn't too keen on breaking the law without good cause.

After my fiery evening with a very chard boulder, I was left rather famished. I made my way over to the local tavern, the one ran by Tian, a nice old man that listened to… Wil's troubles every now and then.

This would be my first time meeting him. That and showing off my new outfit.

Instead of the usual outfit Wil wore, I wore a black coat with long coattails and an embroidered red rose on its lapel. A red tie hung from the collar of my white dress shirt, trousers wore a pair of black dress pants. I wore a pair of black steel-toe, knee-high boots.

...I looked like a business-themed edgelord and it's awesome.

I ran a hand through my hair as I entered the tavern, I didn't tie it in a ponytail like Wil did. It was odd going from black curly hair to blonde straight hair.

There was nothing special about the outfit at all. Hell, I couldn't legally do alchemy yet, I wasn't even sure if pulling that stunt in the woods was legal. I'd figure it out.

"Wilfred! Kid, you finally decided to show yourself here!" Tian, the nice old man at the tavern called out, waving his hand.

I gave a laugh. "Sorry for the wait, I've been a little busier than usual."

"Ha! I guess being an apprentice is tougher than it seems," The elderly man gave a broad smile while nodding. "take a seat, Wil, I'll treat you something today."

I took my seat, and took notice of the person sitting next to me.

Long, black hair, purple eyes, red and white outfit, permanently smug look… basically a bootleg fantasy Lelouch.

"Hey, Leguna, how's life?" I greeted what was Wil's best friend/rival.

"...Wilfred? Is that you? What the hell happened? You look like a guy that never pulls out." Through whatever divine gods of smug he made a blood pact with, Leguna was able to look smug as fuck while aslo looking slightly surprised.

I laughed, not expecting that response. "Pffft, how the hell did I inspire that impression?"

"You are dressed as a washed-up prosecutor. I wouldn't trust you to pull out a chicken out of the oven."

I smirked. "Blame my dad, and yours while we're at it, their pull out game was shit, why do you think we're here?"

"....I'll get some aloe for that kamikaze self-burn." He shook his head in amusement. "Good to see you again, Wil, I feared you would try and do something stupid after our argument. I'm really glad to see you well."

"Oh, I did something very stupid." I admitted, even if it wasn't actually me, it was technically me. "Went down to the cave system short ways out of town. Got fucked up pretty badly."

Leguna frowned.

"Shhh! Don't say that aloud. Going to the grounds managed by the Guild without being a proper Alchemist is illegal. If you get found out, you can kiss goodbye to your dreams of becoming an alchemist in Yuidora forever." The Lord of Smug took his notes off of the table and into his bag. "You don't seem injured. So I'll take you managed to get back and get healed. Geez. At least tell me you are here because your mentor gave you some days off and not because you got fired from apprenticeship already."

I gave him a wry smile. "Yeah... I got fired."

The guy was at least nice about it though, let me keep the few notes he gave me. It was secret and super illegal, but like hell I was ratting him out. He was always good to me.

Leguna sighed. "Whatever. There's no use in crying over spilled milk. My rank as a Tradesman should be enough to have you as an apprentice. Although I can convince someone else to take you in if you want to. What do you say?"

Just as I was about to answer, Tian came back, two plates of food in his hands.

"Here are your werewolf steaks and mead, kiddos. Enjoy yourselves."

Leguna gave the old man a nod, handing him enough santoreil to pay for both of our meals.

"Thanks, dude, on both accounts." I graciously accepted his proposal.

Leguna looked doubtful at my response, yet smugger than fucking Seto Kaiba.

"Strange. You rejected my offer for help a while ago," He glared at me… while smug. "Something about keeping your pride and whatnot. Very much like you, so...What prompted this change in tune?"

I took a sip of mead. Hmmm, not bad, I wasn't one for alcohol back in my world, but considering the drinking age here is virtually non-existent, I could get used to this.

I shrugged. "An epiphany, I guess. One moment, I was on that prideful streak and being mauled, the next my mind is filled with nothing but the most ridiculous ideas and the urge to pose at any given opportunity."

He held his glare for a moment longer before shrugging.

"Weird as always. I guess I was an idiot for worrying about you." Somehow, in the short period of time, he was able to finish his meal while I haven't even touched mine. "Finish your meal already. I'll show you my workshop so you can start already."

"Ah, you got it!" I exclaimed joyfully as I dug into my steak… wait didn't Tian say this was werewolf? Eh, fuck it, it's delicious!

In no time at all, that steak was in my stomach and so was the mead.

"Alright, let's go."

Leguna thanked Tian for the meal and opened to leave the tavern, signaling me to follow him. I got up, stretching my limbs, and followed suit. He led me down an ally, a shortcut he'd shown Wil a few times in the past, almost no one goes here.

Halfway there, I felt magic gather behind me, right at the nape of my neck. Shit.

"Don't. Do you think of me as an idiot? Wilfred was an idealistic idiot from the very moment I met him, not even the death of his parents deterred him from his ways. And now he's suddenly changed after a single death-experience? Wanting to strike poses? You're underestimating the calibre of the people from Yuidora. Even the way you move and react is different. Now, spit it out before I evaporate you. What are you and what have you done with my friend?"

A bead of sweat dripped down the side of my face. Well, fuck, second verse, same as the first. But on the topic of people acting differently, he wasn't acting very like the same Leguna I knew… offering me an apprenticeship? Get real, Leguna is just as prideful as Wil was, and while they came to blows a few times, he always respected that pride.

I ducked a fast as I could, watching a magic missile sail over where my head used to be. I lashed out with a kick to his legs, he jumped back.

Our hands were pointed at each other, his was glowing, and mine had an orange magic circle in front of it. It was noticeable that my circle was more complex than the usual fireball spell, almost unrecognizable. But Leguna had his clothes embedded with runes and magic stones, great for rapid casting.

I gave him a smug smirk that matched his level of smugness. "I could say the same about you. Leguna would never offer me an apprenticeship."

"Magic. Wilfred was unable to use it properly and the circle has been modified for efficiency… Still nowhere enough for you to cast more than a couple of times with your paltry reserves." He smugly declared. "Martial arts too, the guy couldn't fight for shit. I'll take a guess and say that you took over his body rather than just faking his image. There's no reason for the overly efficient spell otherwise."

My smug actually surpassed his the moment he made the assumption on how many fireballs I could cast, oh boy was he wrong. "Guess that means you took over Leguna's body too, masterful use of his smugness by the way, but I didn't expect this to be isekai battle royal. Want to take this out of town, preferably before we blow up the city?"

"Rather than a takeover, I would call my situation more of a merge. Not something I planned either. On broad terms, I have no intention to fight you unless your goals clash with my own." His hand stopped glowing and he shrugged. "The name is Richard, by the way, even if no one here but you knows that. Take it as a sign of peace."

I held my hand at him for a few seconds before lowering it, canceling out my spell.

I sighed. "Tch. Name's Zachary, some of my friends call me Jack or Jackie. What year did you die?"

"Zachy, huh? You memelord. We know each other."

I blinked. Zachy? Did he just call me… "Ric, you son of a bitch, is that you!?"
"No, is your mom. Of fucking course it is me, you neanderthal."

God dammit, god fucking dammit!

I threw my hands in the air. "Fuck's sake, not even a week into this bitch and I nearly ended up killing one of my old friends!"

"Nothing new there."

I rolled my eyes. "Eh, fuck off. So, I got knifed in the heart, how'd you die?"

Richard made a strange face, almost like a thousand-yard stare, it was… difficult to look at.

"...Car accident. Let's not talk about it." In a split second, he got smug once again. "Nice magic circle by the way. Efficient and precise. Guess you started studying magic as soon as you came here. Too bad you're also using your lifeforce to supplement it. A bit too shabby for my tastes."

...What? My lifeforce? Goddammit, American education system!

"Shit. Really? I was using my fucking lifeforce the whole damn time!?"

"Duh' As always the finer points elude you." The smug returns. "But it's good enough to have you here. There is a lot of bullshit I have been working on and your help would be appreciated."

I blinked. "So… does this mean the apprenticeship is still on the table?"

"Would you prefer if I bended you over the table? Stop blabbering and follow me. We got shit to get done, and hopefully prepare you for the Alchemist test."

I sighed and shrugged, what's the worst that could happen? Selling illegal aphrodisiacs and sex toys on the black market?

Ha! As if...

Chapter End

Jackie: Yep… it's Kamidori. Hey, hey, Sseth here.

Ric: Given that it's in the same setting as the Ikusa Megami series, I took a peek at it. For the purposes of the fic, how some things work in the canon setting will be changed to better accommodate the story. On that note, while Richard and Zachary will be working together, their respective goals, journeys and planned developments are different.

Jackie: Indeed, now unhand me fiend! I must write lovecratian bullsthi once again!

Ric: Go back to the writing mines, bitch.

Jackie: NEVAH!

Ric: Lastly, a thanks to you, the reader, for managing to pull through our bullshit this time. Hopefully we will meet again in the next chapter.

 

[Jackie Avocado]

Chapter Two: About The First Signs Of Change

[Richard 1]

"You can't let yourself be stuck in the past."

Someone said those words to me. Who? A family member? A friend? A lover? It was to me or to the raven-haired boy whose body I inhabited?

It didn't matter.

"RAAAAGGGRHHH!!!"

A piercing scream echoed loudly inside my ears, threatening to rip them apart from the inside out. A set of claws violated the space I was in just a second before, and collided with a tree, causing several splinters to fly around.

I barely managed to dodge in time, regaining my stance as soon as I could, and throwing a kick towards the Werewolf attacking me. It connected. Right where the liver should have been, if that monster had been human.

"REEEEAARRRGGHHH!!!"

The monster looked disoriented for a second before regaining itself, and throwing itself against me. Its frame was larger than my own, far more muscular, it was a monster ruled by instinct alone and full to the brim with mana, more of a living weapon than an animal. It growled while its dangerous arms extended towards me, claws shining with an eerie glow, hellbent on making me mincemeat.

My heart was going faster than ever before, this body wasn't incredibly strong, so a single claw tearing a sensible place would likely spell the end for me. Fighting like that was courting lady death, an unnecessary risk, but one that I couldn't help but choose. Just like that, each time an attack came to me, just as I felt once again the memory of my demise, I did the only thing I'd let myself do:

I lunged forward.

The prototype gauntlets held themselves well, as my uppercut connected and I felt how the jaw of the monster broke. A beat passed, then another. The Werewolf's body went limp and fell to the ground. I released a sigh I didn't know I was holding and took out my dismantling equipment. One of the most important parts of being an alchemist is obtaining materials, magic-infused materials, to use in the creation of weapons, artifacts, and the likes.

Slowly, I dismantled the monster. Its blood, claws, fangs, meat, fur, and every other piece of it would be used. Not a single hair would go to waste.

Just as I was putting my daily loot in the backpack, my senses screamed at me. Without wasting a single breath I ducked sideways. An arrow embedded deeply in the ground I was just a moment before.

Immediately, I threw myself towards the trees, taking cover from the archer. Before I could pinpoint their location, a single Goble came from the same direction as the arrow. The little monster looked around before retrieving the projectile.

Those things weren't worth much, the materials one could extract from them didn't do for any quality item. Beyond that, they weren't directly strong, but their tactics were annoying and even deadly if not prepared. Insects not worth my time on.

I extended my arm towards it, while I was still hiding between the trees, and prepared a spell to end that monster. Zachary had the right hunch when trying to make magic more efficient, even if in practice he did the complete opposite. Magic circles were little more than algorithms meant to guide the mana once it left the caster's body.

Without making a sound, a small ice needle went out of my body and embedded itself in the monster's side, touching its blood and freezing it whole, from the inside out a second later.

I didn't come out of that spot in the shadows, nor lowered my guard immediately thereafter, choosing to keep hiding and wait for more enemies to appear. Only several minutes later I let myself get my things and exit the forest. About twenty Werewolves and Harpuas, plus a single Goble done. The day had been an easy one, far below my level.

Just another day.

But the time of lazing around was nearing its end.

[Zachary]

The sound of steel banging on steel rang through the dark room, only illuminated by the flames of the forge, and the shower of sparks that came whenever I brought my hammer down.

It was almost therapeutic, just like drawing was to me.

Though, it could be said that blacksmithing was just another form of art too. There was just more to it than a pencil and paper.

Either way, I could shut my brain off and do this all day.

Moonlight leaked into the room through the window, not the ideal time to be smithing in a place that didn't have lightbulbs, so I stayed near the forge to light up the workspace, I didn't want to smash my hand.

I stopped hammering and lifted the still red hot metal with a pair of tongs, inspecting it. It was a large, curved blade resembling a scimitar. The shape was just how I wanted it.

I lowered the hot metal in a tub of oil, quenching the blade, flames leaking from the tub as I did so.

Once the blade had finally cooled down, I took it out of the oil and placed it on the anvil. It was still steaming, but the oil had done its job perfectly. I just needed to temper it next.

I let out a deep breath as I took off my goggles and gloves, reaching for my notebook while wiping the sweat from my forehead.

The notebook was already opened to a particular page, one depicting a transforming weapon. A scythe that could become a curved blade.

It was something from my old world, a video game called Bloodborne.

My old world had a near-endless amount of things from fiction that I could recreate here, but I didn't have the materials or skills needed to make the more complex things. Not yet anyway.

I picked up the folded wooden staff near me. It was spring-loaded, and would unfold once the handle of the blade was locked in, creating the scythe, giving a longer range in a melee encounter, and would be a good way to catch someone off guard.

It took some creative thinking to figure out how to get the mechanism working, but I was nothing if not creative.

Wil was too.

Put two very creative minds together, and you'll no doubt get some seriously whacky shit from them.

Although my attempt at trying the break the magic system of the world ended in failure since I vastly underestimated just how far they had already advanced, it didn't mean that nothing of value wasn't gained from it.

Ric was at least able to use my fuck up in a more constuctive way, and I gained a last resort move.

I heard the sound of the door opening. Speak of the devil...

"Hey, Zach - Wil! Are you still around?!"

I waved absentmindedly as I went over my notes. "Sup, homie."

"Mh. Nothing new, finished my rounds of training for today," I heard him move some things around in the workshop. "I'll make dinner, eat and get out of the forge, because it's my turn. I also have a couple of things to tell you over food."

My stomach growled loudly. Yeah, I could use some grub.

I grabbed the blade, which was now only warm to the touch, and placed it to the side, along with my notebook and folded staff.

I had most of the Burial Blade finished. All that was left was tempering, sharpening, and making it look badass.

But, as a hunter must hunt. A motherfucker's gotta eat.

Ric had already finished cooking by the time I exited the forge, I was covered in soot, as usual. I had no fucking clue how he was able to cook so fast, tonight's menu being a mouth-watering lasagna. And with his patented smug-ass look, he poured himself a glass of wine.

"...Dude, clean yourself a little," A towel smacked me in the face. "Tell me a bit about your day, I'm curious about your progress with those combined weapons we've been working on."

"Thanks for the towel, give me a second." As I wiped my face, I went back into the forge and grabbed my notebook, coming back out, I tossed it to him. "Been working on this all day."

"Mh," -starts reading, very quickly- "I see. We need to work on enhancements for the connection parts, at this stage, it's possible they will break under strain. But it's advancing quite nicely, and doesn't seem to need much maintenance either. We can sell this."

He handed me the notebook back,

I grinned. "Sweet! I was thinking that since I'm still shit at magic, and can't legally do alchemy, you could be the one putting the crazy-ass magic enchantments on it. Hell, with better materials, I bet I could turn this simple design into an absolute monster."

Ric gave me a smug smile.

"What a coincidence, because better materials are part of the foreseeable future," His expression suddenly turned grim. "I have been working on learning magic, advancing my alchemy, and training my body ever since I got here, you know. My basics have been honed to the best I can do. It's time to enter the next level."

I blinked. "Shit, already? Nice!"

"Of course, just look at these babies," He showed off the gauntlets I helped him make. "Your designs and game-like specifications were a bit weird, but I made it and it works like the original, if not better. Our knowledge of this world may be a bit lacking, but our combined creations won't lose to any veteran alchemist."

The smug smile on his face returned, I had to wonder, was smug his default expression? Probably.

"As you know, the affinity with mana we have as humans is… limited. We aren't like Undines or Sprites that are born from natural mana and use it instinctually. That's the next problem I'll be solving. Not only will let me master enchantments, but it might just be the hint I need to advance my goals. Do you get what I'm trying to say here?"

"World domination?"

"I was going more for 'unveiling the secrets of other races', I'm not that thrilled for taking over the world-" He paused. "Although, thinking a bit more, it may not be bad to reign over this place." His smugness turned slightly scary.

"Just remember: First, immortality, then the bitches."

"Preach it," He raised his glass for a toast. "But enough games. I'll be changing my routine a bit. I'll be gone for extended periods of time to increase my knowledge. Because, unless Rossana's library is full of ancient secrets, we have reached the top in theoretical knowledge of this city."

"Oh yeah, Rossana's the head of the alchemist guild in the city, forgot about that. Never seen her before, she hot?"

"...I guess? She's attractive, but not exactly my type, so I treat her like another alchemist when we meet. Don't worry, you will meet her when you pass your alchemist exam."

"Cool." I sat down and cut myself some lasagna. "You know, next thing I want to make is some fuckin' Kool-Aid. That shit would be great with this."

"You insult my cooking way too much. I'm the one taking care of accounting, and all domestic chores here, you know? Whatever, I also wanted to ask about your plans."

"Me?" I ask after taking a bite out of this absolutely delicious lasagna. Again, Kool-Aid needed, the perfect drink. "I don't really have a plan aside from having fun. If anything I'm just gonna help you out with whatever you need."

"Mh. I see. Your exam is just a couple of months away, right? Your abilities are way higher than Wil's originals, and he was already good enough to pass the test, so no problems there. Now… Wait, I wanted to give you something."

He suddenly darted out of the room and came back with what looked like a rock mannequin and headgear with some gems imbued in it.

"The fuck is this shit?" I asked.

"The former owner of this body had been working with artificial Earthmen, a type of mana made of earth and rock. While he made progress on it, this isn't the type of thing I'm into. I modified it to be of condensed rock with steel and gems -enchanted to be flexible, making it strong against magic and physical attacks. It's also compact to carry," With a wave of magic, the mannequin turned into a small cube, and back again. "You can modify it further if you want. I worked a deal so you can go gather stuff from the easiest places in Yuidora Mine, this will act as your carrier and bodyguard. Control it with the headband, it takes basically no mana to use and is a good way to train your finesse with magic."

He threw me a headband, which I caught… I totally didn't fumble. Fucking butterfingers.

"I'll be on my first long trip tomorrow. I'll try to connect with the elves near Yuidora or any sentient races I can find. Since you haven't been fighting, I thought this would be helpful to you for now. Feel free to make it into something else or sell it when you don't need it anymore."

Did… did he just give me an opportunity to make a weapon that I can morph into anything I want on the fly? Holy shit he did!

Ric made a conflicted face.

"You don't like it?"

Huh? Did I look too surprised or something?

I grinned with malicious intent. "Bruh, you possibly just gave me a weapon of mass destruction… I'll leave it at that."

"Well then. I'll go to sleep now. The details about the places you're allowed to wander are in the living room. Sleep well." He got up from the table and left, his plate already cleaned and food gone… even though I didn't see him take a single bit as we talked.

"The fuck kind of Harry Potter bullshit is he on?"

[Richard 2]

"Good luck today again, alchemist Leguna."

"Same to you, Walter. I'm sure that merchant girl will be yours in no time."

"Thanks for the thumbs up, sir."

I waved off to the guard, despite not planning to be out for a long while, my chest tightened a bit. That had happened too when I left my mother's place to live alone. It was one strange mix of feelings.

With a light step, I walked around the road with my head full of hopes. Disnafrody on the east, strange rumors from there came to my ears from the merchants I made deals with. Of the fallen Mikelty Kingdom, now Mikelty Alliance, strange movements from the remaining royalists.

What a mess

More importantly, the southern part of the continent may be dominated by humans, but the demi-humans and mana creatures living here aren't small in amount or power. Despite this, there were no formal agreements or pacts between races as far as I knew.

First step in achieving immortality plan: Git gud.

First step of the first step to achieve immortality: get knowledge and friends that can help with that.

While I advanced I couldn't help but think of Zachary, the fellow earthling stranded in a strange land. Hopefully, he wouldn't get himself killed… or attract the wrong kind of attention while I was away. There were also the merchants and guards I got somewhat close to ever since appearing here. And the orphans in the church, I liked those kids. Didn't know much about the people running the place, but I had heard Zachy was in good terms with a priestess there.

It didn't take much to find the so-called forest of the elves. It wasn't in the maps, but it didn't take much to deduce the possible places for it to be. There was a strange barrier around it, one that didn't let others enter, making them get lost. Elven people lived way longer than humans, and it's said that they can interact with nature and mana with a sense humans don't possess. That barrier at least proved the magic proficiency.

I wanted that.

Extra senses, longevity and youthful looks from start to end. I wanted to know the hows and whys of that. To find a way to reproduce it for myself.

Though I may have been studying magic with all my will, I wasn't even close to being able to bypass that barrier. Decided to not make myself look bad in their eyes, I just left a magic message and a bottle with natural but enchanted fertilizer. Far as I knew, elves were magical hippies, so a gift like that shouldn't be seen too badly.

I didn't make it a hundred meters from there when a voice called out to me.

"It's rare to find humans around these lands, even more, someone with good manners."

"Mh?" I moved my head slowly, the voice belonged to a young blonde girl with strange ears. An elf. Jackpot.

"Pardon for startling you, but I believe you wanted to meet one of us?" She asked.

"... Mh. My name is…. Leguna Ashys. I came here seeking to meet the elves. Hopefully, make friends with some."

"You aren't lying. I see, you even brought us a gift." She smiled as she said that, but I could only tilt my head to the side. Had she been watching me?

"Ah, my apologies, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? You can call me Servalwi."

"...Mh?"

[Chapter End]

 

[Jackie Avocado]

Chapter Three: About partying after the exams

[Rosanna POV]

Tiring and boring. That's the best way to summarize her job atop the Alchemist Guild of Yuidora. Not only the position required governance, which meant paperwork, but also regulations, meetings, political visits with those idiots of the Mikelty Union, and the likes. All of which was also paperwork, mostly.

Even her own research in alchemy was mostly paperwork these days. Nothing to say about her adopted daughter escaping home to seek her place in the world…

Enough of that. She's the head of Yuidora for a reason, and no amount of dry work could ever hope to bring her down. "Which assignment is next?" She asks one of the high-ranked alchemists acting as an adviser.

"Granting the license to a youth, then approving the bans in certain types of grass we found out to be poisonous." An advisor said.

"What's the name of the new addition to the workforce?" She was interested in promising youths, not only they would have to uphold the pride of Yuidora alchemists, but one of them might inherit her position in time.

"Wilfred Dion, Lady Rosanna."

Ah. She knew of him. Little Wil was the son of one of her dearest friends, one she lost a year ago in the mines… He had been a talented young man from what she remembered, of equal if not greater talent as Leguna Ashys, the rising star among alchemists.

Sadly, said friend and her husband died as Wil had taken the test last year, and he had failed the exam. There was no doubt that the death of his parents weighed heavily on his mind.

She took a deep breath. "Bring him in."

She took a moment, as always to see the young man entering the chamber. The place got boring to her eyes at that point, gold, gold, and more gold. If the monarchy hadn't been taken down years ago, the place would probably be the residence of some snob noble.

Rosanna didn't do as much as blink when she saw Wilfred enter the chamber. She had vague memories of him when he was a child, but now he wasn't anything like that. His long golden hair was loose and reaching his shoulders, he wore a long coat with an embroidered red rose on its lapel. A red tie hung from the collar of his white dress shirt. His clothing was completely black sans his shirt and some garments in red.

Was he mourning someone? Or was this the fashion between the youth of the city? Had he, perhaps, entered some cult?

… She supposed it was alright anyway. As long as he could fulfill his duties as an alchemist.

Well, time to test if he was made of stronger stuff, or just one of the passive types she always dismissed.

"Who are you? What business do you have with me?" She acted oblivious on purpose, this song and dance usually culled the weaker willed fools that wished to be an alchemist.

He looked confused for only a single instant before a glint of mischief entered his eyes.

"Hi, I'm the energy-based life form known as Wilfred Dion, I'm here for my license." He said with a beaming grin, contrasting the grim aura of his attire.

This time, Rosanna did blink. "What?"

He took a dramatic pose. "Yes! Before you is no mere man. I am an ageless organism housed inside the meat suit you call Wilfred Dion, because my real name is unpronounceable by the human tongue?"

"...Excuse me?" The cult theory was starting to hold more weight.

He snickered. "You are excused."

Rosanna had stared at him for a few moments, her mouth slightly agape. It was official, the roles were reversed. Where she was supposed to catch him off guard, he did the same in turn… and better.

"Jokes aside," He knelt down before her. "I have finished my examination today, my lady. I am here to receive my license and become an alchemist of Yuidora."

Ah, finally. Something that allowed her control of the situation again.

"And you would request such a request from me after saying such ridiculous things?" She asked with a slight edge in her voice.

She wasn't actually angry. If anything, she was slightly impressed the young man could throw her off her game like that. Most people usually freeze up if she so much as looked in their general direction.

Let's try this again. Could he keep up?

"Do not think me so ill-informed, Wilfred. I have my position for a reason." Her eyes narrowed. "You have been working as an apprentice of Leguna Ashys, the very same alchemist that was responsible for overseeing your practical exam." Leguna had pulled some strings months ago just so he could be allowed to have an apprentice despite being an alchemist for only a year. Of course, she knew the young man, Leguna was a man of professionalism and principles, even if he was a bit… eccentric, he wouldn't have passed Wilfred if he didn't deserve it.

Wilfred let out a rather undignified groan. "Oh gods, do we have to talk about Leggy?"

Leggy? A pet name?

"Take it from me, that bastard would've failed me on the spot if I so much as made the slightest mistake, and hold it over my head till the day I die like the smug asshole he is!" He shot up from his kneeling position and raised his hands into the air as if he was cursing the gods. "You have no idea what it's like to live with that bastard. Every three seconds with him, 'Wil, you used too many parts', 'Wil, let's test the new shower', 'Wil, it's not symmetrical', 'Wil, I made breakfast so eat', 'Wil, stop making shit that can explode our house', 'Wil, let me enchant your clothing'"

Well… they're certainly close with each other. Very close, indeed. It reminds her a bit of her husband and herself years ago.

"Ah, see, I knew you had a beautiful smile." He said suddenly.

Rosanna blinked. She was smiling? Huh, she was…

And once again, she had been thrown for a loop by the young man before her.

She steeled her face. "Hmph, you have quite a lot of gal to flirt with the Grand Master Alchemist of Yuidora."

He smirked confidently. "Wouldn't have gotten very far if I didn't have the gal to take the first step."

Rosanna smirked in kind, despite his odd behavior, she liked Wilfred. He was a refreshing departure from the usual kissasses that paraded her doorstep.

"Well, I believe congratulations are in order for such gal and bravado." She said.

Rosanna signaled for one of her employees, who were staring aghast as the exchange, no doubt trying to count the seconds until Wilfred was kicked out of the Guild Manor.

They snapped out of their stupor and placed a box in front of the young man before her. They opened the box, revealing a beautiful sword with an embroidered crest, and a sturdy wooden signboard.

Both bore the crest of the Alchemist Guild, proudly showing to all that they were deemed worthy of the honor of being called an alchemist of Yuidora.

She handed him a small card. "This is your license. Always keep it with you. It is also necessary to enter areas managed by the Guild. Display the sword and signboard where they can be easily seen as proof that you are formally certified."

The smirk turned into a genuine smile as he accepted his first true step as an alchemist of Yuidora.

"Wilfred Dion. You have been accepted as a member of Yuidora's Alchemist Guild." She said proudly.

He sheathed the sword with the scabbard provided, and bowed. "You honor me, my lady."

"...As your lord, I have one question for you."

Wilfred raised an eyebrow.

"What kind of alchemist do you want to be?"

Almost immediately, he grinned, as if he didn't even have to think about it.

"A fun one!"

Rosanna paused, staring at Wilfred. Her soldiers shook as her laughter echoed throughout the room.

"Oh my, and beautiful laugh too." He shamelessly flirted with her as she struggled to keep her composure.

"Never, not ever, in all my time as head of the Alchemist Guild have I heard such an absurd answer."

"Well, I'm glad I could leave a strong impression."

"Very well then. You may leave, Wilfred Dion. May your endeavors prove fruitful."

"I wish you the same, my lady."

She smiled as she watched him leave.

What an interesting man.

Too bad was claimed. And into men.

[Yuela POV]

Dinasfrody was slowly starving to death.

That's what the shogun had said to her before explaining her mission. She hadn't seen it herself, but the older man didn't have a reason to lie. She's a warrior, first and foremost, and the reasons for the famine weren't hers to understand and solve. If she wanted to help her people, it would be by carrying her mission.

Same one her older sister failed a year ago…

No. She wouldn't fail. Not to her people, the shogun, or the memory of her sister. Yuidora, the workshop city, and a possible answer to the plight of her fellow countrymen. A secret weapon is hidden there, her aim was to steal or destroy it, giving her country an edge over their enemies. An assignment that would require strength, secrecy, and espionage.

The honor of her lost family depends on her. She'd manage this. Failure was not an option.

Even if her sword had lost its enchantments soon after arriving in the city. Even if her funds had been lost during the journey. Even if her information network was nearly non-existent.

She… just needed to think a bit more outside the box. Yeah.

Normal workshops were out of the question. Even for a foreigner like her, it was obvious that information about her request would be leaked out. A wanderer swordsman randomly appearing with a weapon to restore? Alchemists would instantly recognize her during her investigation.

The lack of money certainly didn't help.

"...Black market it is," truthfully, she didn't know where to find it, but she had some clues from her observations so far. All legitimate workshops had a prided license and sign at the front of the store, signifying they run an establishment approved by the Alchemy Guild.

She just needed to find the one running without those.

Her footsteps didn't echo as she moved around the crowd of people, looking for the smallest alleys, darkest corridors, and rundown buildings. She finally spotted a single workshop without neither a plate license nor a sign. Laughter and voices could be heard from the place.

Jackpot.

Simple blackmail would do the trick. So, she just went inside the store, powerless sword lying ready at her hip.

"Bruuu… Bruh!" The blonde one slurred with a drunken voice "I… I'm teeeeeelling ya… it would ffffffffuuckin' work!"

"Duuuuuude. I mean, like. Duuuuuudeeeeee… It Could! Work! Yes!... but… what if it doesn't…? What if we fucking blow up the continent?" The raven-haired man responded, equally inebriated, "that would beeee raaaaaaad, poi."

Yuela froze. Of all things she was expecting, two drunkards was not one of them.

She considered beating them up and taking their stuff, only to give it back as payment for helping her, but the thought died a quick death in her mind. Not only was it dishonorable, but it could end up making her a criminal if they didn't comply.

Slowly, she took a step back. Maybe she would come back later.

Midway towards the door, one of the men spotted her.

"Zachy... I mean, Jackie. I mean. Wilfredo. You got a client man! Check that out! Like. Dayuuuum man!"

He slammed his beer mug on the top of the counter "Leggy, boi, do I looooook ready for a client bruh?" He stared at her for a few seconds while making an almost comical pose "Why are there three of them?"

A sigh escaped her lips. It seemed she would have to sober those idiots and force them to agree to her request. Fine by her. Using her sword to make things work out was her forte.

She took out her weapon and entered a stance.

"B-Bruh…Doesn't… hic! Doesn't that look like some… Chi.. Ch… Chinese stance or something shit?"

"Did you order Chinese food or something? I mean, I can cook Chinese too, ya know? Like, I can cook cats too if you ask me to…"

...What?!

"Don't fucking cook cats!" The blonde shouted angrily, as if all the alcohol in his body suddenly left. "They are cute, fluffy, and slightly evil. Perfection given form!"

"You only say that because you like pussies. A cat is fine too and all that weeaboo jazz. Because you're a pussy. Dogs are cooler. That's just facts, brug."

"I will throw you out this fucking window right now!"

"You can't even clean your fucking room, man."

The blonde guy looked ready to fight, but Yuela had enough already.

"STOP! YOU IDIOTS!!"

… For some reason they indeed stopped to look at her for a couple of seconds, then the raven-haired one started talking.

"...don't stop, can't stop. It's like a freight train~"

"Can't stop, won't stop. Nothing stops the Willy!"

WHAT. THE. HELL!?

Did… did the raven-haired one just stand up the table and started singing?!

"Sun is shinin' in the sky~"

From where did the music come from?!

"There ain't a cloud in sight~"

"It's stopped rainin' everybody's in the play~"

"And don't you know~"

They had their arms around each other's shoulders as they sang along.

"It's a beautiful new day, hey hey~"

As the music and drunken singing continued, the distinctive sound of a vein popping was heard.

Yuela brandished her powerless sword towards the idiots. The world at large would become a better place without them, anyway.

The blondie goes down first.

"Bruh! Your Asian hooker is going to kill you! … I mean, literally. Not figuratively."

"NOT IF I KILL MYSELF FIRST!"

He then took two steps, tripped on thin air, and knocked himself out.

"... Well, there it goes the party." Said the raven-haired man, looking completely sober, "My name's Leguna Ashys, by the way. Now state your business here before I kick you out."

It took her a couple of seconds to process what had just happened. But she quickly regained her stance and guard. There were many warriors that could act distracted or even fake sleep to fool their enemies, quickly showing that their guard was never down. She had been told about that before, but she never expected to encounter one. Not like this.

"Judging by your clothing, I'd say that you're from Dinasfrody right? I have a couple of hypotheses as for why a warrior from there is in this city, but few are good. Now state your intent here, before I lose my patience."

Yuela paled. She could feel magic gathering around, even when the man didn't move a muscle. Something, a strange and unnatural tug in her mind, pushed her to speak truthfully.

"... My sword. I came here to have its power restored."

The blonde suddenly got up with a start. "Gah, fuck! I saw the entire universe in my mind's eye, and it was fucking lame!"

"The only lame thing here is your pathetic excuse for a penis, Wil. Now get up. You truly have a client here," His gaze went back to her, "Well, that's it if she's truly a client and not someone looking for an illegal workshop to blackmail or bully into work."

The blonde, apparently named Wilfredo or Wil, didn't respond. Instead, he slipped behind his friend… and suplexed him into the wooden floors.

He cracked his neck. "That was for making fun of my Hyper Weapon. So, I heard something about a sword?"

Leguna then stood up and hit Wil in the chin with an uppercut. Wil fell flat on his rear, making an almost comical sound.

"Bitch, I only said the truth… and stop stealing that nickname from me!"

Wil got up and put Leguna in a headlock. "You have turned this into a declaration of war, welcome to Wrestle Wednesday, motherfu- Oh wait, that's right, client." He let Leguna go. "This isn't over, you bootleg Lelouch."

"Don't compare me to that piece of shit, you Suzaku wannabe."

"Bitch, I ain't a hypocrite about violence! Now, shut up, and let the lady speak."

"..."

Yuela decided, wisely, to remain silent and try to escape while she had the chance.

"She said something about restoring the power of her sword…" Leguna Ashys said while holding her sword- wait. When?! How!? She reflexively looked at her hip just to confirm she didn't have her weapon. "Honestly, it's not a difficult job, although I'm not all that familiar working with eastern enchantments."

"Oh, I've been looking into that recently," Wil said.

"Give me a moment." Leguna held the sword horizontally, in an almost ritualistic fashion. Then, a magic circle appeared under it, magic flowed from the circle into the sword, levitating it and sparking a blinding light for a moment. "There. It should be good now."

He then handed the sword to her.

...what?

Wil sighed. "Fuckin' show off."

"Puh-lease. You would have been stuck in this shit for a week. Enchanting stuff is one of my fortes."

"Fuck you, and fuck this 'have to be born a mage' bullshit!"

"Bloodlines have power, you know. You're also a mage to some degree. I'm just better at it than you are."

"One day I will break this fucking system, I will break it!"

"Not if I break it first."

"You don't have the balls to break it!" Wil turned to Yuela. "The enchantment fix is on the house, it's clear as day you don't have any coin on ya, have a good night. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to cuss out my housewife."

Leguna looked startled at that.

"When did you get married?! And why didn't you invite me?!"

"You're my housewife!"

"Wilfred, we're not married."

"We are a little married."

"...Hell, you're right."

Yuela tried really hard to ignore the pink atmosphere between the two men. She managed to restore the strength of her sword, that was enough for now. She just needed to get out of there, as soon as possible, if not before.

Then, only the small issue of money remains…

[Chapter End]