The Doctor Is In (MGE X Original Superhero Setting

[Charles Flynn]

Fish and Friendship, dear readers!

Now, I've stated before that I started this blog not to appeal to the human audience, but to reach out to any and all fellow extraterrestrials on Earth. Life on this planet can be strange, especially with the wildly varying technology levels, superpowered life forms, and blatant sorcery going around, on top of the human's general weirdness, so it can be really hard for new arrivals to work out just how things work around here.

Now, while before, I've limited myself to what my fellow internet writers have termed "life hacks" (see my articles So You're a Twelve Foot Tall Quadruped in a Hairless Biped's World: Fifteen Handy Tricks for Squeezing Through Human Architecture, and So They Called Animal Control on You: Here's How to Explain That You're Sapient) I have now branched out into the most important part of my blog: Explaining important elements of human history and psychology, so that fellow extraterrestrials may better understand human cultural contexts, and avoid embarrassing cultural faux pas like accidentally threatening people, unintentionally fighting law enforcement, or not realizing that humans have a taboo against cannibalism.

Now, a word of warning before I begin. While I do try to see things from a broader perspective, my work is slightly biased by the fact that, while I am an alien, I landed in, and currently work in America, as a superhero. Thus, my historical perspectives may be somewhat America-centric, and pro-superhero.

Now. I'm sure you're aware of this by now, but, in America, and worldwide, as a matter of fact, there is a notable amount of anti-superhuman sentiment. Now, several times, I've looked at the assorted conservative protestors, and the hate groups who specifically target weaker superhumans, and those superhumans that they reliably know won't retaliate (usually superheroes) as suicidal idiots, and wondered why in the hell so many heroes risk, and even ultimately end up sacrificing their lives for people who will stab their protectors in the back. And I'm often left wondering just what drives these bigoted, imbecilic fools to so thoroughly self-sabotage. What goes on in their minds?

It turns out that I'm not the first to ask these questions. And before I go on, I should note that while the assorted anti-super terrorist organizations (of whom very, very few have lived long enough to score name recognition) get a great deal of press, and can easily sour one's opinions of humanity, statistically, they're just a very vocal minority. Most humans support treating superhumans as equals worthy of respect, or at least are pragmatic enough not to anger and alienate the people who could kill them with a thought. However, there is still a noted fear and revulsion of the superhuman, that many humans have admitted to struggling with, and several psychologists have proposed theories to explain it.

The one I'll be explaining in this article is the Surridens Effect, proposed by Dr. B. F. Skinner, of "Skinner Box" fame. The noted behaviorist noted that, when he passed people in the street, he would begin feeling anxious if one of them was smiling at him. He soon began to reach out, and, through questioning and experimentation, determined something very interesting: most people who were exposed to American newsreels, films, and papers he'd asked reported that they felt uneasy and uncomfortable when someone they didn't know smiled at them. A cultural shift had occurred, changing smiling from a gesture of reassurance to one of discomfort. But more interestingly, this shift was exclusive to those in America's sphere of influence. Skinner, searching for a potential cause of this shift, had a moment of inspiration when he saw the headline of the morning paper: "THE SMILING MAN KILLS AGAIN."

He began investigating the case, and found, to his horror, a recurring pattern. With the advent of supervillains, numerous "archvillains" began to rise to the forefront: villains powerful, vile, and successful enough that they had, in spite of the best efforts of their superheroic foes, significantly altered the course of human history, either through a long, long list of crimes accrued thanks to their immortality like the Smiling Man, or through a series of actions so utterly audacious and worldshaking (if evil) that they secured an eternal place in the history books, despite the typical high turnover rate in the superpwered scene for those without some form of immortality or other defensive power, such as Bloodstreak, or Baron von Murder (both Albrecht von Murder, the Golden Age bearer of the title, and Victor von Murder the Second, who most of my readers should be more familiar with. In fact, the current Baron von Murder, my teammate, Victor the Third, is the only one to operate as a superhero.)

According to Skinner, these archvillains created cultural scars, aversions to the things associated with the villains. People would subconsciously see certain behaviors, and certain patterns that reminded them of these archvillains, and subsequently avoid, shun, or attack things that bore these similarities. Skinner named this theory the Surridens (latin for "smiling man") effect, out of a mixture of the human scientific communities' inexplicable fondness for one specific dead language, and a desire to not speak of the Smiling Man directly, lest he accidentally draw the attention of the self-proclaimed fallen angel. (Even I would be a great deal less comfortable writing this article if the Smiling Man hadn't been completely inactive for the past eleven years since his last recorded death, and I can regenerate from a single cell. I can hardly blame Skinner for his perfectly justifiable fear.)

A more illustrative example of the Surridens effect would be the Bloodstreak Incident, and the short-lived archvillain from which it draws its name. While Bloodstreak's origins are shrouded in mystery, the villainous deed which earned him his infamy is quite well-documented. On May 16th​, 1954, Bloodstreak donned his costume, a motorcyclist's suit, strapped several army service knives to himself, and then stole the Georgian Republican voting registry, and then, began hunting down and killing every name on that registry at roughly eight times the speed of sound. According to eyewitness accounts, "There would be no warning. Hell, no sign. You wouldn't know what was happening, you'd just… you'd hear the sonic boom, and you'd look around, and you'd realize that everyone but you was dead."

The Bloodstreak incident was considered to be the end of the Golden Age of Heroics. Most of the heroes who fought and stopped Bloodstreak went on to retire, emotionally broken from the ordeal of knowing where he would strike, knowing that people were about to die, and being too slow to stop it. Anti-superhuman sentiment swelled, and people lashed out at just about every supervillain. Super speedsters were particularly hard hit by this, and it would be twenty years before any new speedsters would pick up the good fight, thanks to the stigma that super speed was a villainous power. Nothing encapsulates this period's hysteria more thoroughly than the Women's Society for Athletic Purity, a lobbying organization which formed six months after Bloodstreak's massacre for the purpose of outlawing track and field as athletics competitions, on the grounds that they "encouraged and cultivated juvenile delinquency and criminal intent," even going so far as to petition that any and all running-based athletic events be removed from the Olympics. Silly, I know, but humans can be quite irrational at times.

But the big takeaway here for you, my fellow extraterrestrials, is the importance of being aware of what humans might associate you with. For instance, in addition to the scorn I get from radicals for being non-human, I also have apparently induced PTSD flashbacks in quite a few of the veterans of the Polar War, who still have flashbacks whenever they see a bear, and have been confused for one of the genetically enhanced polar bears that rule the Ursine Commonwealth of Alaska by more than one bigot. (Apparently, to them, all bears look the same.)

Also important is to remember that what you do will often be considered to reflect upon other members of your species, so strive to behave respectably, while also not allowing the unenlightened and fearful to dictate your actions.

But, the Crisis Alarm is ringing, summoning me and my fellow Incorrigibles to action, so I believe that will be all for today.

Until next time, Fish and Friendship!

About the Author:

Edward Shi'iran (no relation) is an Ursan, or, as humans calls them, a Space Bear, who serves as the Ursan Ambassador to the United Nations, representing the Holy Ursan Star Empire. He also works as a scientist and crimefighter, and is a member of the superhero team known as The Incorrigibles, alongside The Plated Lady, Doctor Von Murder, Ion Storm, and The Gargoyle. In his free time, when not busy hashing out interstellar diplomacy, exploring the mysteries of the cosmos, or fighting crime with his friends and his talking spaceship, he writes articles on human society for his blog. Comment below and tell us if this article was helpful!