The Hacendado(Please comment)

[Tommy123]

Chapter 1

With the pickaxe over his head, Bill Harrington puffed. He lowered his hand in a semi circular arc and struck the ground. Then he puffed again and raised the pickaxe above his head, again in a semicircular arc. Then he puffed, loudly this time and was just about to lower it into the silver laden ground below when he heard a shout "Faster, we need more production, or you will not get full wages" . It was the overseer. A fat, bald well dressed middle aged man who looked extremely out of place with his gentlemanly clothes in these dark gas lamp lit cave of the Janos Silver mine. Nevertheless Bill couldn't resist but have a better look at him from the back as he walked with his strong leather whip in one hand and a loud whistle in another.

Huh, a pittance they already paid, thought Bill. How can they pay any less?
But atleast his salary being an American worker was 1.5 times more than the native ones. He couldn't even bear to look at his Mexican co-workers, they were treated no better than slaves, they laboured day and night in this mine, with its gas lamps casting ghastly shadows on the dark hellish walls glistening with the shine of unprocessed silver and they received barely enough to eat once a day................occasionally. Huh, it was not his duty to care, the world wasn't created equal anyway.

But presently he puffed and dug away. Again and again and again, his muscles straining until his shift finally ended.

By the time he had removed his miners uniform, handed it over to the inventory man and came out of the mine premises, he was sweating like a soaked cloth. Outside, it was night. But the town of Janos was hardly going to sleep. For the nighttime was opportunity time for its 10 dozen Cantinas, Saloons, Bordellos and gambling dens all bedecked with cheap decorations and colorful lights like a bride on her wedding night. Only in this case, the crafty bride was the whole town and the unsuspecting grooms were the dozens with their wage money.

As half a dozen cheap smelly prostitutes brushed past him and drunk miners in their soiled clothes laughed around, Bill couldn't help but sigh, by the time the sun was going to be up, more than half of these poor sobs would have lost all their wages to this savage border town. He felt his own throat going dry, he longed for a whiskey, at any cost, even if that meant spending a huge chunk of his paltry wage. Fortunately, a saloon was close by. As he was about to turn the lane, he felt a hand on his shoulders.

As he looked behind, he saw two huge hombres. Both were much taller than 6 feet and were extremely muscular. In their hands, they held large batons. They were a fancy sight to watch. As he was about to ask them who they were, the taller of the two spoke "We are from the silver mine, you need to come with us".
"But my shift is over" cried Bill.
The man laughed, he adjusted his Sombreo and took out a Colt peacemaker from his belt. Then he extended his hand, Bill had no other option but to give in. He started walking with them towards the Western direction of the town, but that was completely in a different direction from the mine. For two minutes, there was silence, then Bill could not resist the curiosity. "Who are you, and where are you taking me" he asked. Again, the taller man answered, "We are going to see Senior Rodriguez". "What, he wants to meet me!" Bill exclaimed. The man nodded a Yes. Helmer Rodriguez, he was the head of the mine. To see him meant only two things, promotion or a quick death. Bill gulped and wondered which of the two he was in for.

Rodriguez lived on the western edge of the town in a luxurious old Spanish estate. As Bill was led in, he couldn't help but notice the lavishness of it all, servants, chandeliers, fine clothes, fine people, and also how it contrasted with the sad reality of the town outside. Presently, the tall man motioned to him at a large door. In his thoughts, he hadn't even noticed that he had made it to the door of Rodriguez's study.

"Go inside, and don't forget to salute" the guard said.

Bill knocked. A second later, a hoarse loud voice answered "Come in".

Bill opened the door and was immediately greeted with a whole wall of books, files and manuscripts. In the center was a large oil painting of Porfirio Diaz, the current president of Mexico, more like an all powerful dictator. So hungry he was for power, that four years previously, in 1884, he had even removed his own puppet from the presidency.
And then, in one dark corner of that study, sitting on a wooden desk, he saw Rodriguez, he was dressed in a fine red suit. For a moment Bill took in his sight, and then Rodriguez spoke "You are Bill Harrington, American worker, joined last year in the Silver mine, is that correct?".

"Si Senior" answered Bill.

"Hmm, Bill, so last week one of my men had gone north to America for some work, and he came back with some interesting information regarding you. I did not believe him at first, it was surprising!" exclaimed the head.

Bill panicked, he wondered what news it could be. For a moment he thought Rodriguez would kill him. After a whole minute of uneasy silence had passed, he mustered up the courage and asked "Wwhat".

"Is it true that you once held a degree in Geography?" asked Rodriguez.

"Yes" answered Bill.

"Is it true that you have left your family?" asked the head.

"Yes" came the answer.

"Now tell me Bill, is it true that you are the son of a rich tycoon with deep pockets?" asked the head again smiling.

Bill smiled back for a second, then he answered "No..........................I was".

 

[Tommy123]

Request to readers: Please please comment.

 

[Gong]

Holy shit is this Aniki?

 

[Tommy123]

Holy shit is this Aniki?

Click to shrink...

Thanks for commenting.
But what is 'Aniki' ?

 

[Warer]

Pleasant and very,very interesting.

 

[Tommy123]

Pleasant and very,very interesting.

Click to shrink...

Thanks so much for commenting.
Your comments are like fuel to me.

I am glad that you liked it !
More coming soon.

 

[Tommy123]

Chapter 2

"You was?" enquired Rodriguez. He was obviously curious now.

"Umm, somethings are just left undiscussed Senior" was the apt reply.

"No, this is not some trivial matter, the son of an American baron working as a common labourer in a mine in Mexico, what and why are you hiding, tell me?" asked Rodriguez getting a bit irritated.

"Lets just say that I had some differences with my father, he was disgusted with me and he threw me out of his life and took away my degree." replied Bill sincerely.

"Differences, a socialist huh?" asked Rodriguez.

"Yes, differences, and no, I am all for a quick buck, its not socialism." replied Bill.

"Then why are you here Gringo, and how do I believe you?" asked Rodriguez.

"Believe, hah..............why else would I be slaving away in your horrendous mine huh?" asked Bill mockingly.

For a few moments Rodriguez was silent in thought. He looked rapidly up and down the thick bookshelves and walls of his study. Then, he slowly smiled, and looked up at Bill. The latter smiled back.

"You know amigo, I may be taking a big risk here, but I have a tendency to follow my gut, and my gut tells me that you are for real" said Rodriguez. Then he got up and went to another corner of his study. He opened a cabinet and took out a bottle. He poured its contents in two glasses. He offered one to Bill "Whiskey?".

Bill quietly took the cup and took a sip. Finally his parched throat was at ease.

"Say Americano, what are your thoughts on wealth distribution?" asked Rodriguez.

Bill looked confused for a second, then he quickly replied "Wealth equals power, and as you know, only the fittest survive!".

Rodriguez was elated "You are a man after my own heart" .

"Si Senior" replied Bill.

"Say gringo, would you like to get some extra money?" asked Rodriguez.

Bill merely nodded.

"Hmm, you are an American materialist with a fine tongue and yet you looked charred and hard and speak Spanish fluently like a Mexican, I have a lot of use for a man like you, I have been observing you for weeks." said Rodriguez.

"Umm.................what's the job Senior?" asked Bill curiously.

"Let me tell you, someone has been playing foul in the mines, someone or someones have been distributing copies of Karl Marx among the workers and inciting strikes, 5 times in the last month alone, we have found pages from that devil's Bible, we have taken all precautions, we check all workers multiple times, my overseers check their pockets, their clothes, even strip search them, we even checked for secret holes and hiding places, but to no avail. Its as if the book appears in the mine from thin air. Now I need you to actively watch and observe what goes on inside the mine. You will be my spy inside the mine, my eye. You will be paid a rich salary till then and when you find the source of this infernal activity, you will be richly rewarded." said Rodriguez.

"And what if I fail in my job?" asked Bill innocently.

"As you said before, a failure has no place in this world, survival of the fittest. The desert does tend to get pretty cold in the night I heard" replied Rodriguez.

Bill understood.


It was midnight, hours after the meeting with Rodriguez, he had been paid the first of his extra salary by the head and he intended to spend some of it for love. He quietly paced his steps and entered the 'Sledgehammer saloon' , most saloons in this town had been named by ex-miners, hence the 'creative' naming. He went over to the bartender and took out some cash. The bartender accepted it happily and motioned up "She is in room 3 today" said the bartender.

Upstairs, Bill quietly entered Room 3. Inside, on the cheap purple cot she was, painting her nails. Maria. The only woman he felt something more than friendship for. The only woman capable of showing him that he could also love woman. He had first experienced her 15 months ago. He didn't even realize when his lust for pleasure had turned into true love. But presently she took no note of him entering but continued painting her nails. He went over to her and lay one hand over her petite beautiful shoulders. She ignored him. He slid a hand further downward. She still ignored him.

"Why the silence beautiful?" he asked unable to bear her hardness.

"1 month, 8 days and 5 hours, that's the time you haven't visited me, have you been that busy, do you too regard me as a filthy whore like all the others, do you think that you will claim to love me, yet not visit me and I will still love you?" she asked. She was obviously angry.

"Your face looks so beautiful when angry, you should be angry on me more often." he said smiling.

"I am serious Senior" she said.

He was prepared. He took out a necklace from his box. Nothing too fancy, but it was one of those things that were genuinely beautiful despite being cheap. Just like her. He quickly slipped it around her neck. She smiled for a moment, but then fretted again.
"It is indeed beautiful, but you can't bribe me like that" she said.

"Come on love, forgive me, look, I promise that I will visit more often from now on, and one day I will fulfill my destiny and lead you to the glory with me." he declared.

"I have heard that pitch of yours so often, I just hope you will really realize this destiny of yours and free me from this infernal place." she paused. Then quietly she said "But for now, we have work" said Maria smiling.

Then they made love, with an animal intensity. After all there was 1 month, 8 days and 5 hours distance to cover!!!

At dawn when he woke up, she was still sleeping. He quickly clothed himself and went outside. Even in the morning, the hot Sonoran desert air pierced his body. But he now had a job to do. So he adjusted his Sombreo and made his way towards the mine.

 

[Tommy123]

Chapter 3

As he entered the mine entrance, Bill could sense the tension in the air. The guards and the overseer were both busy checking every single worker from head to toe. For the first time, Bill saw that were checking American workers too. This morning's newspapers had reported of a large mine strike in Arizona stirred up by Marxist manifestos, nobody wanted such a strike in the mine, not at the moment. The situation was indeed very delicate.

After they finished searching his clothes, they were about to strip him, but just then he showed his American stamp and they let him in. American workers were protected from such indignity by their stamp papers. By the time the checking was done, the mine had lost a whole hour of productivity and as a result the overseer was in a particularly bad mood today. Occasionally he would hear the Overseers's anger getting out of control, a whip lash here, a kick there, and some workers, the most unfortunate of them would be dragged by their necks, taken to a depleted part of the mine and dealt with. Now Bill did have the thumbs up from Rodriguez to work less, but he preferred to work like normal and blend in. But when he did pause for a few more seconds than usual, the overseer immediately shouted "Put those hands to work or I will kick your backside Gringo".
'So this guy doesn't know bout my job' thought Bill.

Nevertheless he continued observing everything around him cleverly.

At each 1 hour interval, the overseer declared the time out loud to the workers. By the time it was 11am, Bill was sweating hard, nothing unusual, but what was unusual was that the Mexican worker besides him to the left was being extra lazy. But he was lazy in an expert kind of way. That is, he would resume work immediately after the overseer came and take it easy after he left. Bill made a mental note to watch around for this man. But just as he thought that, the man got abonded by lady luck. Out of nowhere, the overseer appeared and put a gentle hand on his shoulders, almost like a dainty lady. "I have been watching you for quite some time amigo!" declared the overseer.
The man tried to say something, but his words dried up in his throat. Suddenly the overseer dragged him by his neck.

After this happened, Bill shifted a bit to make up for the absence of that worker.
"Guess that hombre ain't making out of here in good health!" exclaimed a voice to his left.

Bill looked to the side, it was the man who had replaced that lazy lump.

"I guess so" replied Bill.

Bill wouldn't have thought twice about that new man had something spectacular not happened. While everyone else was puffing away. This man wasn't. He wasn't working any less, but rather than puffing, he sang! What a song it was, about an estranged lover and her dead husband, a bandido. His voice was heavenly. Bill wondered where this man would have been had he been born to a wealthy family in New England. He would surely be a sensation. His mere voice made you forget your tiredness. Bill waited till the man had finished his song, and then he asked "What's your name Senior?".

"Its Ramon amigo" replied the man playfully.

"How can you remain so cheerful and sing in such a dark place, where even the warmth of the sun alludes us?" asked Bill.

"Huh, I have seen worse amigo, I have seen worse, that's why" replied the man.

"Your voice is a gift!" exclaimed Bill.

Suddenly they heard the whistle of the overseer. He was back, and his hands were mudstained. So it was clear what must have happened.
After that, Ramon remained silent. The rest of the shift went without anything much interesting. Bill observed everything around him carefully but so nothing unusual. The work, the workers and the overseer shouting at some, kicking some, whipping some and dragging some. Even at the 10 minute break at noon, the overseer watched every worker like a hawk.
Talk about dignity of labour.

But the bottom line was this, when he came out of the mine at afternoon, he was none the wiser, it appeared that nothing seedy had happened in the mine today. He was tired and his bones creaked from the pain. But he was in no mood to go back to his room at the lodge. So he decided to go the Sledgehammer.

At the entrance of the saloon a boy was crying out the latest news. In his hands were fresh newspapers. Bill quickly took out a Peso and gave it to the boy. Then, taking the newspaper, he first ordered a drink and then settled down in a comfortable corner of the saloon to read the headline.
"Fredrick III crowned German Emperor" was the headline, written in bold. A big painting of the monarch with his imperial ensemble was printed immediately below along with the tagline 'Would herald a new era of peace and liberty' .

"Hardly" thought Bill. "The Germans would hardly want peace, they were late to the African lottery and they were angry for that" he said to himself.

Beyond the first page, on the second was the news.
'Huge mine strike in Arizona, workers agitated by working conditions'.

He then continued reading the newspaper and sipping his drink. The hours passed and slowly the dim orange glow of dusk began to ooze through a broken part of the ceiling. Soon that was replaced by the even dimmer light of the dozens of oil lamps that the barman lit. It was at that time that his newspaper was savagely put down by a hand.
It was tall man from yesterday.

"Senior Harrington, the Hefe told me to show you something" said the man grinning. He reached out into his rusk bag and took out metallic parts. On closer examination, Bill observed that it was a cheap revolver with its barrel and screws unjoined.

"We found this on a worker of the late shift, he was hobbling uncomfortable, so the guards decided to search him and found this. When questioned, he said that someone had passed it to him in the dark. Now normally we would hardly believe such a story, but for two things, this man looked like an idiot who would not be capable of such a thing, and second, we 'Did' him and he simply passed out." said Mr.Tall man.

Bill could only nod. He had failed.

"Senior Rodriguez needs answers Mr.Harrington, and he needs them fast, thats all I want to say" said the man.

Then he quietly rose from the chair ad left the saloon leaving Bill deep in thought.

 

[Tommy123]

Anyone interested in this story ?
Should I continue it ?

 

[Simonbob]

It's not a terrible story idea, but the execution is rough.

The wording is clumsy, we don't really have much reason to like the protag.


In other words, could be better.

 

[Tommy123]

It's not a terrible story idea, but the execution is rough.

The wording is clumsy, we don't really have much reason to like the protag.


In other words, could be better.

Click to shrink...

Can you please elaborate

 

[Simonbob]

Can you please elaborate

Click to shrink...

Sure.

Note, I'm not a brilliant author, either.

As best I can tell, your story lacks details, and emotional hooks.

For example, Bill is in love with one of the girls. Who doesn't even have a name. Beutiful? Ok. But nothing else.


Another point, what makes Bill special? Why should we care about him? Is he trying to make things better, or just get by?


Detail, and with that, emotion. They need to be people we can care about.



Hope this helps.