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Wooooo! Stormy and I got commissioned by Woolodin to write a funny Tranformers Prime fic!

Heavily AU, if you have problems with what you are reading, the back button is quite easy to find. If you have criticism, keep it extremely polite and constructive, or don't bloody bother, because I genuinely don't want to hear it either way.

It is a fic being paid for by a commissioner, which means it's not for you, it's for Woolodin. Got a problem with that? Take it up with the man paying for it, or pay us yourself to get your own fic more in line with your desires.

Like, no offense to a lot of my readers, most of you aren't like this. I just really don't like those self-centered and entitled ones that pop up from time who like to try to demand a story I'm being paid to write be changed to suit their desires, yet aren't willing to put money in my wallet to make that happen.

This will be crossposted by me and my partner across multiple sites. Plz enjoy!
TIF 01 New

KitsuneObsessedFreak

(Verified Fox girl Enthusiast) (Floof for Brains)
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The Innovative Fox 01:
Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong.
Or more Accurately: Greetings Earthlings~
Disclaimer:
This is a collaborative commission between KitsuneObseesedFreak and F3nn3l.
It is incredibly AU, due to the OCSI into a Cybertronian that has been around for a very long time before the story began.

Since this is an AU of Transformers Prime, be aware that things will change from time to time, and people will find themselves dealing with things that they normally wouldn't have. Especially as Akane is an Inspired Inventor type character, with a few hard limits.

I have it set to an exponential increase from 1-5 points, with one being able to create things at average quality, and 5 being godly, but 5 will be locked for quite some time. Which means Akane will only be able to create far future tech, not god-level tech.

Of course, she starts out with four points in Cybertronian tech, and will get one more point per chapter. Which will mean that she will eventually simply be the priority target for the Decepticons to capture, especially Starscream.

But hey, at least we have Fopformer genius in Transformers Prime, right?

There will be: Blood! Shed! Gimme a Reason to— Cough cough, I can't sing, but you get the point. It's a Transformers fic. Expect gratuitous robot violence.

~~~~
Akane would consider herself to be one of the best and brightest minds of the people of Cybertron. Her work in creating new methods of advanced transformation and ways to repair damaged Cybertronians had led to her discovering a need for more Energon. Something she was quick to attempt to rectify over the years, and she was actually quite successful in doing so.

Unfortunately, as with all things in all the lifetimes she had experienced, there was always someone who would get in the way of Scientific Progress.

Her weapons were charged, she had her data stashed away in places no one would be able to find them, and she was almost positive her research station on this backwater planet would never be found. Yet, despite all the methods she used — all the precautions she had taken — it was as though nothing she could do would shake the goons employed by Senator Proteus.

The reinforced bulkhead door began to melt, the combined firepower of the best and brightest of that bunch simply too much for the metal to handle. She knew she would need to run, to hide somewhere they wouldn't be able to find her so easily.

So that was what she did, she made her way to the stasis chambers, hearing the laughter of his goons as she did her best to hide among them until he left. She even hid on one of the chambers, waiting for him to pass by so she could leap out and disable him from behind, or even just one of his goons but…

"Aaaah, Akane, what a... pleasant surprise to see you here, on this backwater planet," Senator Proteus said on the intercom as the goons continued to look for her.

Because of course the Senator wouldn't be caught dead trying to eliminate a threat to his rule, he was just going to send his goons to do so.

"You seem to be in quite the predicament, Akane? What's the rush? Research not going well? Or maybe..." The Senator's voice gained a sinister tone as he hissed the following words. "You were about to do something... unwise."

"Oh slag, oh Primus, oh frag, I'm gonna be offlined here aren't I," Akane muttered to herself nervously as she shivered.

She wasn't much of a fighter, preferring to create rather than destroy, and it had created a few rather unfortunate tendencies in her to panic and become nervous when there was combat nearby. Sure, if she knew she was safe, she could remote control the defense systems to absolute precision, but she wasn't linked up to them at the moment… he was.

"Heh, Akane just surrender, it saves time for everyone," Proteus said with a mocking sigh. "You're just making it harder for yourself, hiding like this. Just give up and submit to Cybertronian justice."

Akane fully powered up her weapons as the goons rounded the corner, and her eyes widened as the pod locked her in place, and its stasis field powered up all around her.

"Ah scrap," Akane said, before she was fully put into stasis.

~~~~
"Aaaand done!" Proteus said smugly as he watched the security terminal that showed Akane being put into stasis. "With this, my monopoly on Energon and it's synthetic form is complete!"

For mega vorns, he had worked behind the scenes, manipulating the Cybertronian Senate to his whims. After all, only he had the knowledge, the skills, and the resolve to lead the Cybertronian Empire into a golden age.

An age of overflowing Energon, with incredible technological progress, worlds conquered in Cybertron's name, with him at the head of his glorious empire.

Of course, he wouldn't be at the forefront, he had the Senate for that. He preferred to manipulate things behind the scenes, to pluck the strings here and there to ensure that his rule stayed unopposed by the uncivilized masses.

A Cybertron where everyone stayed where they belonged, beneath him. A universe where all things served the whims of him, Senator Proteus.

After all, only he knew what's best for Cybertron and his colonies. Only he deserved to rule at the top of Cybertronian Society.

Unfortunately, that future could not exist if Akane was still alive. After all, she was the leading researcher for Synthetic Energon.

With her famous empathy and mercy she would release that discovery to the public!

Ergo, Akane needed to go.

"I'm sorry, Akane," The Senator said with a faux-apologetic tone as he deactivated the terminal and walked away, his goons activating the many explosive charges they scattered around the facility before leaving.

"You do not need to exist in the future that I am about to create."

The base detonated as they left, leaving nothing but rubble and ruin in its wake.

~~~~
"Kekekekeke!" a small, furry orange creature giggled as it poked its body into the controls of the stasis pod, waking her up from her deep slumber.

It was a cute, fluffy, fuzzy little thing that seemed curious and friendly. It was also probably dangerous for that little thing to be there.

She groaned, pushing the rubble away even as she scanned the life-form to see what it was, and compare it to anything she knew in her mind. Only one thing really stood out to her: it was a fox, something she hadn't seen in this entire lifetime.

Radio signals came from the cracks in the earth, and she knew she would have to find a better way to blend in than her Cybertronian flight form. She pouted, the Foxcopter as she called her form was cute, and she liked it. But looking at the fox once again, maybe she could do something with that form — or at least something similar — to give herself a better method to blend in?

Chuckling to herself, she stood, before crouching down and transforming, the sly fox slinking into the shadows as she slowly shifted her rusty alternate form into a more manageable fox form, with nine tails that were usually her rotor blades, and fur all over. It wasn't so hard to make such a thing, despite being so old and worn out, but she'd need Energon soon.

"Ugh, I could really use a pick me up right now…" she moaned as she dragged herself out of the collapsed caves, and out into a rocky desert canyon.

Slowly but surely, she made her way to the nearest signs of civilization. By climbing the sheer cliffs to the top and collapsing on a paved walkway when she ran out of energy to move.

Right as a motorcycle slammed into her side, sending the motorcycle flying, before it transformed.

"What the— Optimus! We have a Beastformer here! Returning to base for immediate medical attention!"

Akane's optics blinked, before slowly powering down.

~~~~
"This is bad Optimus, her systems are failing and I don't think that she's going to live past this morning. She needs Energon, and stat."

"This is bad, is there no other way, Ratchet?"

"... The Energon Repair Ray, it's the only way to save her."

"The same one that only has one charge?"

"Indeed, I would have recommended an IV to slowly trickle Energon into her system to repair all the damage, but in her current state, the Energon Repair Ray is needed."

"I see, then do what must be done Ratchet."

"Activating the Energon Repair Ray now."

~~~~
When her systems came fully back online, Akane felt rather hollow. Sure, whatever these friendly Cybertronians had done had definitely saved her, but she still felt as though she had found her life's work stolen from her, her research outposts destroyed, and had the odd feeling that something was incredibly wrong with the area she was in.

She sat up, transforming smoothly as she did so to get a good look around the facility with her own eyes. Though she found she had a strange urge to sniff everything, likely a remnant of the programming involved in scanning a living being.

Soon, she came to a stop before someone she had known for a while. Someone she had worked with a few times… "Ratchet? That you?" she asked, looking over him carefully as she did.

His Bio-lights were off, so she knew he must be starving. He also looked like he had seen better days, and Akane knew he could use some more Energon soon. Judging by how empty she felt, she was going to need to start focusing in on finishing her project right away.

"Akane... It really is you," Ratchet said in relief as he monitored Akane's vital signs. "You disappeared for so long, we thought that you perished somewhere. To think that you were on Earth this whole time..."

"Was caught by Senator Proteus, shoved into a Stasis Pod, and my base was blown to hell around me," Akane sighed. "You know how it is. He came with an army, I panicked, and I got shoved in a box for later. Only, they were hoping I'd just rust away, alone and forgotten to time."

"Well you will be glad to know that Senator Proteus was executed by Starscream, alongside the rest of the senate," Ratchet said with a scoff. "Good riddance to bad rubbish, I never did like the scrapbot anyway, he's too shady for his own good."

"Starscream did it?" Akane barked in confusion. "I'm surprised the brat had it in him. Good on him though."

After a moment, she chuckled. "Orion still around these days?"

Ratchet stilled for a few moments, before he chuckled.

"See for yourself," he said as he activated a terminal. "Optimus, our guest is awake."

"Optimus?" Akane asked, "That's a new—"

She looked at him, squinted a little, and tilted her head. "Ah, Orion. Been a while big guy."

"Indeed," Orion Pax, no, Optimus now, said in relief. "It's good to see you, Akane, I am glad you still function, and are on Earth like the rest of us."

"You're lucky that Arcee stumbled across you, you were hours away from going offline," Ratchet said with a wince, "We had to use the Energon Repair Ray to stabilize you as well, and with our dwindling supply, using it one more time would be... Unwise."

"Worrying, yes, but remember Ratchet, Earth has pockets of Energon scattered throughout it's crust, we only need to mine it, with permission of course," Optimus said with a sigh. "Something to notify the human authorities then, I will speak with Special Agent William Fowler about this."

"Hmph, after he rants about our actions and the need to keep ourselves hidden," Ratchet said with a scoff. "I understand the secrecy, but he is quite abrasive for someone so... fragile."

"Ratchet..." Optimus sighed and shook his head. "Please don't antagonize Special Agent Fowler when he arrives for his monthly check-up, please?"

Ratchet only shook his head with a grunt.

"So, if we are in dire need of Energon, I suppose I should get to work on finishing the synthetic variant huh," Akane nodded, shaking her head with a small smile. "Give me a week or two, maybe a month if I don't have the proper tools left in my base intact, and we'll have at least something to work with, even if it won't be the greatest."

Optimus and Ratchet looked at Akane in hope.

"H-How close was that project to completion?" Ratchet asked hopefully. "There were data cylinders sent out into space before the war, but if we can independently recreate the formula somehow—"

"Ratchet, calm yourself, Akane still needs to recuperate from her millennia of stasis," Optimus reminded Ratchet who nodded. "It's better to ask Akane about the formula for Synthetic Energon once she has time to recover."

"I am fine enough to work, Optimus. We don't have time to waste," Akane told him, poking him in the leg.

Optimus sighed.

"Damn workaholic scientist," He grumbled under his breath, which caused Ratchet to scoff.

"You don't have any right to say something like that, Optimus," Ratchet said with a small laugh as Optimus shook his head in amusement.

It was good to see that her friends were still around and decently well. But what was this about a war?

~~~~
AN:
Stormy: Transformers... God it's been a long while since I thought about this series... Nice to finally have an excuse to think about this series again.

Kitsu: I never thought I would be commissioned for Transformers, but here we are.

Woolodin: It was a blast being part of the writing of this and I probably would have commissioned sooner if the Transformers Fanfics I watch stopped updating sooner overall a blast.

Stormy: One thing though, I really, really enjoyed writing Senator Proteus here, he's just the kind of slimy, amoral, absolutely must get punched in the face Politician that I want to ruin.

Kinda sad that he's already dead by the time the story starts, but I'll take his offscreen death and run with it. Sentinel though...

Hehehehehe...

Checks

Nevermind, he's dead as well. Ah well.

Kitsu: Okay, we have a fun shenanigan here, and we will hopefully get more of this soon. This was done via my server linked at https://aikoakiyoshi.carrd.co/ and both myself and F3nn3l, whose Ko-Fi you can find here and carrd website here are more than willing to take commissions from people as they come.

That's all from me. Thanks for reading, and Stay Fluffy! 🦊
 
TIF 02 New
The Innovative Fox 02:
"Ratchet, the calculations are off by six point three percent," Akane pointed to his screen as she poked at the air with the cane they had given to her. "I would tell you how bad that would be myself, but it would be funnier to watch you try to make that variant of synthetic Energon and fuck yourself up. Just make sure you have enough of the real Synthetic Energon on hand to not just end up committing self-termination."

"Wait, that can't be right," Ratchet said as he blinked and looked at the screen and tapped a few buttons. "I was sure that all the variables are exactly as you made them, why would the calculations be off by that much?"

"Do you have a proper matrix core in that computer?" Akane asked with a tilt of her head, putting the cane back down and leaning on it. "You'll need to be calculating to the millionth of a percent to get it completely right, on every single number and equation."

"By the Pit, no, these are computers provided by our human benefactors," Ratchet said with a small grunt. "I did all I could to make these as accurate as possible but we're working with primitive technology here, I'm a mere medical professional, not a scientist."

Ratchet banged at the computer for a few moments before finally going back to making more calculations.

"Sorry Akane, I'm just frustrated," Ratchet said with a sigh.

"It's fine," Akane grunted, making her way over to the computers. "Give me ten minutes, I'll try to reconfigure them to do what I need to do."

"... Alright," Ratched said as he gave Akane full access to the computer before he blinked. "Are you talking about Cybertronian minutes, or human minutes, Akane?"

"You know me," Akane grunted, pulling apart the computer with her tools and moving some of the chips around while it was still running, "Sixty seconds, as usual Ratchet."

"... Is it Cybertronian seconds, or human seconds?" Ratchet asked again, this time more carefully.

"Earth seconds. As always," Akane told him, flicking him with one of her tails. "Don't be a brat."

"... Okay, that's just a low blow right there, Akane," Ratchet said with a wince before he walked out. "I'll check our Energon supplies for a bit and see if we still have enough for the future, I'll be back after that."

With that out of the way, she got to work properly. And oh boy was there a lot of work to do.

After a moment, she came up to a part that confused her greatly: the central processing unit was attached by thin wires soldered into the machine instead of properly socketed in, and hanging by a thin metal chain. "What the actual frag?" Akane asked, looking at that in horrid fascination. "Ratchet! What the frag did you do to this poor machine! No wonder why it can't calculate for slag, it's been lobotomized!"

"Don't look at me! The humans did this! They thought that doing this would, frag if I know!" Ratchet said with a small scoff. "I don't even know why in the pit they thought that was a good idea! They're still incapable of creating AI, for starters! Shameful! Shameful, I say!"

Akane grumbled, getting to work removing all the wires and shoving it into its proper place after cleaning it up a bit, but not before taking some pictures. A few moments later, as she looked at the rest of the motherboard, her optics closed in frustration.

"What kind of monkeigh would do this to their companion! This is ridiculous!" Akane shouted, taking another set of pictures and groaning. "I can't tell if they're just malfunctioning or if they're actively trying to sabotage you!"

"I don't think that they consider these... computers as companions, more tools to do their calculations," Ratchet said with a small grunt. "They have small quadrupedal companions that they consider as pets they call... dogs, and cats. Computers are tools to them, and as I said, they're still incapable of creating AI. For now at least."

"I really hope that they can tell me what the frag was going on in their tiny little minds," Akane groaned as she finished up in there. "Because I pulled out sixty feet of wire that was completely unnecessary and resoldered all the chips in a more efficient order, and I guarantee that it will run the calculations we need to do smoothly now."

"Thank Primus," Ratchet said with a small groan. "Give me a few moments to finish cataloging our Energon stores before we go back to making calculations."

"Alright," Akane sighed, putting the mess of cables down near the computer and taking another picture. "I sure as the pit hope that this slag is useful for something, and that the rest of the equipment here is in a better state."

"At least we have something like this, Primus knows we'll have to fix up the Ground Bridge as well," Ratchet said with hum of thought. "Optimus wanted to get more of our Autobot allies into this world and having a functioning Space Bridge would help in that endeavor."

Akane nodded. "I'll help with that as well. It should be simple once we have the Synthetic Energon necessary for this."

And it really would be. Now she just had to wait for the calculations to finish. After that? Well, she would certainly like to give the humans a piece of her mind while making them work to help build it.

~~~~
"By Primus, you did it..." Ratchet said with wide eyes as he looked at the formulae for Synthetic Energon on the screen. "We now have the formula for Synthetic Energon... I don't know what to say..."

"What can I say, besides, you're welcome~" Akane sang as she laughed at him a little.

"With this, we no longer need to rely on looking for Energon caches on Earth," Ratchet said with a sigh of relief. "We just need the facilities to make Synthetic Energon as well, and the chemicals too..."

And that was the big problem, the fact that the Autobots don't have the capability or the facilities to create Synthetic Energon at their current state. However...

"We will need Bulkhead's construction expertise to expand our base of operations for Synthetic Energon production," Ratchet said with a hum of thought. "It is possible to use geothermal energy to create Synthetic Energon, which means we need to find a geothermal vent close to our base to turn into a production facility."

"You planning to make a Manufactorum here on Earth?" Akane chuckled. "Might as well introduce humanity to the Cold Certainty of Steel while you're at it."

"Akane no, let's not antagonize the humans that much," Ratchet said with a small, suffering sigh.

"Akane yes!" the crazy woman cackled.

~~~~
"... Primus preserve us," Optimus said with a sigh. "Akane, are you sure that this is a good idea to just dig down? RIGHT under our base?"

"Yes!" Akane cackled, looking as though she was doing her best to balance on his trailer. "If we do this, we hit the biggest vent in the area, without brining all that much attention to us at all! And then we can have all the Energon we can really use, even if it is synthetic."

"Are you sure that we'll be hidden from all surveillance when we do this? Geothermal energy usually shows up as heat in a ton of readings," Optimus pointed out as he continued to drive down the tunnel that Bulkhead and Bumblebee had dug, with Arcee keeping an eye on things while Cliffjumper handled tools and made sure they were in top condition.

"No?" Akane chuckled, "But we'll be pretty safe because the entire area is already lit up from the heat just under the surface of the base, and we can contact the government to set up Geothermal plants right nearby that can account for and hide our usage of such. It's why I asked you to get a hold of your agent friend, Opppy boy~"

"Agent Fowler was most suspicious about our actions under the base," Optimus pointed out. "But given that his government gave control of the base to us, his hands are tied. He did mention that it would take some time before the immediate area can be converted into their own geothermal plants to cover our Synthetic Energon production."

Optimus hummed thoughtfully.

"Akane, do you think it would be prudent if we limit production for just the seven of us?" Optimus asked. "Until we can create a manufactorum to restore our more powerful weapons, we cannot allow attention to fall upon our base of operations."

"We can limit it to slightly beyond, so we have reserves for the Ground Bridge you have set up here or for emergencies, yes," Akane nodded, her tails wagging a little as she spoke. "But only until the humans build their Geothermal plant, as we'll need to ramp up production underground with their help until we're at a point where we can actually start helping them more."

"... You want to share Synthetic Energon with the humans," Optimus realized. "Scale up their technology to something closer to our own. Akane, they just reached their moon a few decades ago, if we uplift them now—"

"It's not like I would be uplifting them entirely, Optimus," Akane chuckled. "I would be pointing them in a potential direction, yes, and showing them how to produce more Synthetic Energon for purposes they wish to try using it for, but for the most part, I simply wish for them to be able to reach some interesting conclusions."

She chuckled at him some more, before poking him with her cane. "And maybe help them find ways to defend their planet better, in case we one day need to leave them behind."

Optimus hummed thoughtfully, before sighing.

"... You have a point, Akane, I just worry," Optimus said with a small sigh. "Humanity is capable of great good, and great evil, and I just fear that they would give in to instinct rather than reason and decency when given power."

Akane looked at him as though she was seeing right through him, to the very core of his spark, "… Are we not the same, Orion?"

Orion Pax did not reply for a few moments.

"... We must all have the opportunity to rise above our current state to become better," Orion Pax decided, the former dock worker turned archivist and now Leader of the Autobots returning for a few moments. "However, Akane, I still advise caution on who has access to Synthetic Energon. If we wish to have the humans as our allies, we cannot have them be divided by petty squabbles."

"Of course," Akane giggled. "We can discuss with the world leaders and make allies of the people, and hopefully unite them against a common enemy until they can learn to work together for the sake of it."

Optimus chuckled.

"You always err to the positive side of things, Akane," Optimus said. "It is great to see you again, even if it's in circumstances such as this."

"When one loses their optimism, their hope, then can you say they haven't already lost?" Akane chuckled. "I may be a coward, but I will never stop fighting in my own way."

Optimus chuckled.

"Hopefully there are other Autobots out there that can join us here in our new home," Optimus said.

CLANG!

"Bulkhead! I needed that!" the two of them heard Ratchet shouting from the dig site. "Can you be more careful with where you're walking next time?!"

"Sorry! My bad!"

"I better go help Rachet repair that," Akane sighed, her shoulders slumping as she palmed her face.

"That would be wise," Optimus said with a small snicker.

~~~~
AN:
Stormy: I love the fact that Orion Pax and Optimus Prime can be distinct parts of the same person. That shit gets me hype as fuck.

Woolodin: This took way to slagging long to make way to long. Hopefully the next does not take as long.

Kitsu: We were waiting on you quite a bit because it's generally better when you're there to meme with us and spout lore at us to make it better. If you were free sooner, we would have been done sooner indeed.

Stormy: I honestly enjoyed writing with somebody that knows their stuff. It makes ideas flow better, and gives an easy target to hate on. Like that Primus-damned Senator...

Kitsu: We have a shenanigan here for you: come join us and talk about the story with us on my Discord at https://aikoakiyoshi.carrd.co/

For example, if you liked this story and want to see more of it faster? Toss cash at me and F3n/Stormy. If you didn't and want to see something different? Toss cash at us to make you a fic that is all about your desires, that is filled with the things you wish to see.

Or if you just want to help keep us fed? Well, our links will be here, plz do help us out.

Your links Stormy?

Stormy: Ah yea, links. I now have my own Carrd! It's https://f3nn3lcorgiii.carrd.co (I have a carrd now, yay!), so feel free to throw stuff at me there! I'm still at Kitsu's server though, so if you're in there, feel free to look for Fennel's Field of Fox.

It is barren. Ehe.
 
Since this is an AU of Transformers Prime, be aware that things will change from time to time, and people will find themselves dealing with things that they normally wouldn't have. Especially as Akane is an Inspired Inventor type character, with a few hard limits.
Any chance you could do a timeline of changes since I'm given the age of transformers you've had thousands of years to make brain breaking tech?

I mean I would assume you could find a way to design a synthetic energon? But while I've watched a good chunk of Prime, I'm more familiar with the comics, the original series, and even some of the Japanese Transformers. So I'm not quite sure did the War start out with Energon shortages causing the caste system to explode into a civil war in Prime?

You might want to do an informational post simply because there are so many transformers timelines that everything gets so damn confusing. Maybe a link to the Transformers Prime wiki timeline with a list of major and plot important changes to set timeline?
 

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