Zim the Warlord: Irken Reversion

[Akumakami64]

Zim the Warlord: Irken Reversion

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim or anything else here

Summary: By a stroke of luck, Zim is given a second chance at being a great Irken, thanks to a secret experiment finally paying off. With a body no Irken has had in eons, Zim shall take up the mantle of Warlord to carve his name into the minds of all sentient races, as the first of a new class of Irkens. Pairings undecided, but hints of ZAGR. Xover and possibly OC planets in later chapter.

Beta-ed by Dragon_Wizard91

"You filthy lying Worm-baby!" Zim yelled as he slammed Dib into a locker, holding the earth boy by the collar of his jacket, "We had a pact! No biological-warfare of the bacterial level!" He accused angrily.

"Wow, Zim! I have no idea what you're talking about!" Dib yelled in retort, honestly a bit freaked out by the wild and exhausted look in Zim's lenses- how they mimicked human expressions so well, Dib still didn't understand.

"You LIIIIIE! Tell Zim the truuuuuth, Dib-stink! Give Zim the antidote!" He demanded.

"Seriously, Zim, I didn't make you sick or...whatever the hell is wrong with you...seriously, is your skin molting or something?" Dib asked, a bit weirded out as he saw a large patch of skin peeling off Zim's face.

Zim ignored him before turning to their unbiased mediator, "Little Gaz? Does your Brother speak the truth or may I remove his deceitful voice box?" He asked to the purple haired Membrane.

Gaz opened one eye fully at them before returning to her Game Slave, "He's telling the truth, but you can do that anyway. His voice is grating on me," She offered.

"What?! And his yelling isn't?!" Dib asked in mock disbelief.

"Eh, I don't mind Zim's voice," She admitted, Zim smiling proudly at that, holding Dib against the locker with on hand as he made a pose with the other.

"Yes, Zim's voice is amazing. When I conquer this putrid planet, Gaz-Human, I shall spare you, and your Bloaties," Zim offered generously.

"What about my Game Slaves?" Gaz asked with a smirk.

"Nah, as the personal slave of Zim and my trophy-specimen for taking over this ball of dirt, you shall be privileged to play far superior forms of entertainment then a mere handheld device!" Zim assured with a grin.

"Hey, you're not enslaving anyone, especially not my sister!" Dib protested.

"Oh, right, you're still here," Zim remembered, releasing him and allowing Dib to readjust his coat with a glare. "If you didn't infect Zim, why does his Squeedlyspooch feel as if it is being torn apart by the limbs of a Telgothian Scout?" Zim asked, touching his torso in light pain.

"What's a Telgothian?" Dib asked curiously.

"Pray you never find out, Earth-monkey. Your brains are just squishy enough for their liking," Zim warned with a shiver, making Dib really not want to meet whatever Zim was talking about.

"Still, I have no idea what's wrong with you...Maybe you caught an earth disease and are reacting poorly to it?" Dib supplied with a shrug.

"Doubtful. Ever since my failed conquest against the germs of your world, I created a device that uses your primitive satellites to detect all deadly diseases capable of harming my superior Irken biology," Zim informed with a curious look. "I shall have to pay a visit to this C-D-C in the future," he added on thoughtfully.

Dib went wide eyed, imagining all the havoc Zim might cause just by being in that place while Gaz had a thoughtful look, "Zim? How old are you?" Gaz asked curiously.

"Huh? Why do you ask, Gazling?" Zim asked in confusion.

"Seriously? Gazling?" Dib asked, his eyebrow twitching, "Do you have a crush on her or someth-OW, Gaz, what the Hell!?" Dib yelled as his sister kicked him in the shin.

"Stop being stupid, Dib," Gaz warned evenly.

"Crush? Why would I want to crush the Gaz-beast? She is the most inhuman human that Zim has met," Zim asked cluelessly.

"Not that kin-" Dib started, only for Gaz to throw him in his open locker and close it.

"Ignore him, Zim; he's just being an idiot. Now, how old are you, exactly?" Gaz asked curiously.

"I do not know what the age of Zim has to do with this...but in Irken count, I am in my sixteenth cycle," He explained.

"Sixteen? Wait, they send out a teenager to invade planets?" Dib asked in the locker.

"Well, that might be it then: Maybe it's puberty," Gaz supplied.

"Pew-bert-tea? What is this smelly tea that you speak of? Tell Zim!" Zim demanded.

"It's something that-" Gaz started.

"Tell Zim!" Zim repeated.

"-humans go through to-" She continued, ignoring his demand.

"Tell Zim!" He continued.

"To be adults physically," Gaz finished.

"Adults?" Zim asked in surprise.

"Oh god, Gaz, PLEASE don't give him the Birds and the Bees!" Dib pleaded desperately.

"Dib, you're attracting more attention than Zim. People are going to start thinking WE are the aliens," Gaz pointed out, the students giving the locker odd looks. "Actually, that's not too unbelievable."

"What?! We are NOTHING like Zim!" Dib retorted.

"PRECISELY!" Zim declared, "And as Zim is normal, that make you abnormal! Therefore, YOU are the one that will be strapped down to a table and dissected to prove your alienness!" He declared before turning to Gaz. "Fret not, Little Gaz, Zim and his trusted minions will be the only ones allowed to operate on you," He assured.

Gaz raised an eyebrow at that, "Eh, I think I'd actually trust your computer over our doctors if Dad couldn't cure me," She mused with a shrug.

"Stop. Flirting. With. My. Sister," Dib demanded.

"Flirting? Dib, how do you know that term? And why are telling me to stop letting your sister off a leash? Are you offering her as a peace offering?" Zim asked in confusion.

"...Seriously?" Gaz asked in surprise, "Flirting is an Irken term for letting something go?"

"Out of servitude, yes, but he's garbling the word to Irk and back. It's Fla-urkt-ang...Wait, does that have another meeting in your earth tongue?" Zim asked curiously.

"Yeah, but never mind that! Can one of you let me out, class is going to start soon," Dib requested, wanting to change the subject.

"Oh, he's right, we best hurry, Gazling," Zim agreed, picking up his books as he and Gaz made their way to class.

"Zim? Gaz? Come on, let me out! Dammit Zim, you're using this as a chance to pull off another plan, aren't you!? When I get out of here I...,"Dib yelled, his voice fading away and being drowned out by the various other children as Gaz and Zim walked away.

"Dib-stink does realize that Zim only implements his plans twice a week now, right?" Zim asked curiously.

Gaz shrugged as she continued walking, "I think he's deluded himself into thinking you're capable of doing something every day without rest or time to plan," Gaz pointed out, "So, why haven't you killed him yet?" She asked curiously.

"Simple, your father is a brilliant man: Zim knew that from day one that he arrived here. The death of the son of such a being would be investigated greatly: Despite what others might think, Zim is no fool!" He claimed, getting a skeptical look from Gaz, which he ignored, "Now, what makes you think this smelly human tea has anything to do with Zim's condition?" Zim asked curiously.

"Well, most creatures go through two or more cycles of growing and maturing. There's childhood where you brain develops more than your body, and there's teenagers where you become physically mature. For animals, being an adult means they can survive and breed. While you're an alien, I figured that life has some universal similarities," She mused with a shrug.

"Hmm, well, the only problem with that is that Irkens have no breeding: We've been cloned for easily ten thousand of your earth years, if not longer," Zim said dismissively.

"Really? Still, the only other skin thing I know is molting. Do Irkens do that?" Gaz asked curiously.

"...Not normally, but it may be a reaction to this planet," Zim mused, "Little Gaz, why do you not side with Dib in his quest against Zim?"

"A. Dib is stupid. and B. My race is stupid." She answered flatly.

"And you think that Zim, to your eyes, isn't Stupid?" Zim asked, scratching his chin.

"No, I think you're very stupid. You should have conquered this world ten times over with the resources you have," She stated bluntly before smirking, "However, you also should have been found out a hundred times more than that. You continuously prove to me how stupid my brother and humanity is, and why they all deserve to be conquered. And who knows, if this is some weird alien puberty, maybe you'll finally grow out of your stupidity," Gaz added on as they paused in front of Zim's classroom.

"...Gazling, you have the most mysterious power to simultaneously insult and compliment in ways that leave Zim unsure of which you do more of. Therefore, I shall not revoke my generous offer of making you my slave after your world is mine," Zim said flatly.

"Zim, I'll offer you some advice. Instead of trying and talking about doing something, just do it," Gaz suggested, turning to walk away to her class a few doors down.

"Do or do not, there is no try," Zim retorted smugly.

"...Did you REALLY just say that?" Gaz asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Know what you mean, Zim does not. Going, Zim must be," Zim said with a smirk.

"...Hmm, yep, Zim may be stupid, but he's the kind of stupid I can actually get used to," Gaz commented to herself as she went off, playing her Game Slave.

Meanwhile, on Irk

Tallest Red and Tallest Purple were both perplexed as they stood in an Irken laboratory, filled with tubes filled with young and PAK-less smeets, floating in purple goop. In front of them was a scientist with a slightly paler than normal shade of green skin, wine colored eyes and three red little lines across each antenna that made her look almost as tall as them. In reality, she was over a foot shorter than them and her hover pad was just hidden by her lab coat. With her floating all over the lab, she often forgot when it wasn't near ground level.

"Let me get this straight, Doc?" Tallest Red asked as Purple scratched his chin in thought, "Nearly Twenty-one cycles ago, Tallest Miyuki and the Control Brains put you in charge of trying to make our PAKs unnecessary?" He asked in surprise.

"Sort of, My Tallests," She answered with a shrug, taking a drink of her soda.

"But why would the Control Brains authorize that?" Purple asked in surprise, "I mean, wouldn't that make controlling and monitoring the Empire harder?"

"Yes, logically, but our dear late Tallest was...a bit paranoid. You may not be aware of it, My Tallests, but we have made brief contact with other unknown races, at the edge of our known space, that proved very formidable opponents. Several of them had arsenals that were weaponized to disable machines near permanently that were able to affect our PAKs," She elaborated.

The Tallests both blinked at that, "Why haven't we heard anything of this before?" Red asked in surprise and maybe a bit of anger.

"Best guess? The control brains are not sure if we conquered them or not, so they don't want Irkens worrying over 'what ifs' all the time," The geneticist theorized with another shrug, "As for the Brains giving this approval? While the Control Brains are, well, controlling, they do think with the Irken Empire's future always in mind. If the Control Brains were destroyed by some tragic miracle, much of our race would die off without the control brains making certain specific calibrations to suit our environments, nutrient levels, and other things," She admitted calmly.

"So, in other words, your job was to make it so our race can survive independent of our PAKs on the off chance anyone gets to Irk and kills the brains, right?" Purple summed up.

"Pretty much. I was also instructed to restore breeding capabilities...that was surprisingly easy, I'll admit," She mused to herself, looking upwards, "I think the original geneticists that phased that out did it in a way that was easily restored for this very reason."

"Focus Doc," Red called, snapping his claws to get her attention again.

"Apologies, my Tallests," She said, shaking her head.

"It's fine, it's fine. If you weren't thinking like that then we probably wouldn't have you as a scientist still," Purple waved off, Red nodding in agreement. You could shoot soldier-shorties out of a cannon all you want, but you don't mess with the brains of the empire.

"Still, why are we only learning about this now? We've been the Tallests for over six cycles now," Red asked curiously.

"To be honest? Me and the brains kind of forgot," She supplied, to their surprise. "After Tallest Miyuki's death, Tallest Spork didn't last too long…not even a full cycle, so...well, filling in a new Tallest on this project on top of them adjusting to their new duties seemed like a bit much...and we weren't sure how long you'd survive and didn't want to go through this talk too many times," She admitted awkwardly.

"...Out of context, that would sound like treason, but given the exact nature of how they died, we don't blame you," Red admitted slowly.

"And we were having killer headache for half a cycle after we first became Tallests," Purple pointed out.

"Don't remind me. There weren't enough donuts in the Universe to help calm us down," Red said with a sigh. "So, Doc? What's the status of this experiment of yours anyway?"

"It was a success, actually," She stated flatly.

"Success? You mean you already did it?" Purple asked, both him and Red shocked.

"Started it, yes. We modified about fifty smeets back before Tallest Miyuki's demise. The Control Brains have been sending me data from their PAKs on their development. Most of them are dead though, due to Impending Doom I," She explained as the Tallests sighed in unison.

"And once again, Zim does more harm to the Empire than our enemies could combined," Red groaned.

"Ya know, if we could, I'd almost want to reprogram Zim to side with our enemies to see them go through this as well," Purple said darkly.

"Zim?" The doctor asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you've been cooped up so much to not know that terror?!" Purple asked in disbelief.

"Easy Purple, don't ruin her paradise...life without knowing about Zim," Red said wishfully, "So, Doc, do you need anything from us? Funding approval? Ya got a snack shortage or something? Or this just to inform us on the project?"

"Mostly just to inform you of the project. If you wish, I could inform of the specifics now or later at your convenience, My Tallests," She offered.

"Hmm, I'd actually like to hear more and I'd like to know who the subjects are so we don't launch them out of a cannon or something without knowing of their importance," Red mused.

"But we do have to get back to the Massive: We're turning Sirius Major into something- A donut making planet, I think," Purple informed with a shrug.

"Sirius Major? My Tallest, not to question you, but wouldn't it be better to make that into a thermo-solar-powered research base?" She asked curiously.

"Nah, that's what we're doing with the moon. Besides, Donutia I needs a lot of upgrades and this way, we'll have donut making planets on both sides of the empire," Red reasoned.

"True, the masses do need their snacks," She murmured. "Well, if you want, I can accompany you on the Massive: Most of my research is just observations from PAK reports now, so I don't really need much equipment." She offered.

"Well...sure, why not," Red answered with a shrug, "Just don't be late," He ordered as he and Purple took their leave.

"Of course, My Tallests," She murmured before turning to a computer pad on a table, observing the status of the rather small Irken, "Zim, huh? Hope the Tallest don't have a Squeedlyspooch attack," She muttered to herself.

Back on Earth

"Class is dismissed. I expect your pointless reports on your respectively doomed subjects to be on my desk first thing after spring break." Ms. Bitters informed, glaring at them like the snakish woman she was, "Zim, Dib, that goes for both of you- I don't want to hear about how you both ruined the other's papers like the last time," She warned.

"Yes, Ms. Bitters," Dib and Zim answered at once, Zim giving a mock salute, a habit formed partially because of his military training.

"I can't believe you got me detention. No, wait, I forgot, it's you," Dib whined with a glare as they left the classroom.

"Need I remind you, once again, Dib-brains, that it was your sister that closed you in the storage container? And you have only yourself to blame, rambling on about insects and avians," Zim reminded, honestly annoyed at this point.

"It's birds and bees...and did you just use my name as an insult to my brain?" Dib asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"How is it that a cranium of such immensity can retain so little?!" Zim asked in exasperation, rubbing the bridge of where his nose would be if he were human.

"My head is not BIG!" Dib complained.

"Classmates?" Zim asked with a smirk.

"Yes it is," Everyone around them answered at once, making Dib jump at once.

"How did you do that?! Some kind of alien mind control device?" Dib asked suspiciously.

"Dib-stink, please, if I had such a device, do you not think I would use it as any normal human would and make our instructors cease in giving me the dreaded homework?" Zim asked evenly.

"And, seriously Dib, it takes a lot less than that for people to admit to something sooooo obvious," Gaz pointed out with a drawl as she walked up to them.

"And my supposedly giant head is more obvious than a green, earless boy being an alien?" Dib asked in disbelief.

"Size is fact, ethnicity is debatable," Gaz answered with a shrug.

Dib just gaped, having trouble coping with the lack of support from his sibling for a moment while Zim just smiled, proud and smug, "Poor, poor deluded Dib-stink," He said in mock sympathy, patting Dib on the back, "Now, if you excuse me, I need to get home and find out what's wrong with my squeedlyspooch," Zim said, poking his stomach curiously.

"How is it he can talk about being an alien, even his non-human organ, and no one notices?!" Dib asked in exasperation.

"Oh? That's easy," Gaz supplied as she grabbed a few things from her locker. "Zim's a foreign kid, so everyone just figures that was how the grammar of his language in his country works. They also assume that Zim feels a bit sorry for you and your delusions, so he just keeps playing along."

"What?! That evil bastard! Of course he'd fool everyone into thinking I'm crazy." Dib groaned to himself.

"Dib, they already knew you were crazy long before Zim. They just applaud Zim for putting up with you so much," Gaz pointed out, "Ya know he could probably call the cops on you for harassment and stalking," She added in thoughtfully.

"I don't stalk him! I'm surveying the enemy!" Dib retorted.

"...Dib, your stupidity is making me want to barf," Gaz informed as she left the hall to head home and leave her brother to stew.

"Damn, he's even turning my sister against me," Dib cursed to himself.

"Hmm, maybe that's why Zim puts up with Dib- maybe he just likes his sister," A random kid mused to herself, her female companions giggling at the thought.

"Poor Zim: A green skin condition, getting used to a new country, and all the while he has to put up with Crazy-Dib-Stink to hang around his scary sister," Another commented, making Dib's eyebrow twitch. Some of Zim's habits had been picked up by the other children over the years. Calling someone Stink at the end of their name, playfully or as insult, was becoming more common these days.

"Well, she doesn't like Dib too much either and she talks to Zim more than anyone else besides Dib: Maybe there IS something there. Too bad they have to flirt around through Dib's alien fantasy all the time," The first pointed out.

"Maybe they're not flirting around it- maybe Gaz thinks about being Zim's 'Game Slave'," A third mentioned as they all burst out into scandalized laughter at the joke. Dib saw red and tried to run home...only for a tall truant officer to appear and hold him up by the back of his shirt.

"Oh now you don't, Crazy Pants. You got a detention," He reminded gruffly.

"No, let me go, I need to save my sister from the evil alien!" Dib begged.

The skool kids all shook their heads in pity at the obviously insane and perhaps overprotective brother.

Meanwhile

"Are you following me?" Gaz asked curiously, not even looking up from her Game Slave as Zim walked behind her, "If you're not careful, the kids at skool might actually believe you're interested in me," She warned.

"Hmm? But I am interested. Why else would Zim select you to be his trophy after he takes over this dirt-ball?" Zim asked curiously.

"Different kind of interested, Zim," Gaz informed simply, "So, Zim? What are you going to do after this Skool year?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Hmm? What do you mean, Gazling?" Zim asked in interest.

"This is the last year of Middle Skool for you. After this, people are going to start to wonder what disease makes you a noseless and earless green midget," She pointed out.

"Luckily, children are transferred to various different facilities for Hi-Skool, so I may be able to drop out of your educational system if the need arises. However, it is possible I may grow an acceptable margin, though unlikely," Zim admitted.

"Speaking of growing? You mind if I ask an unimportant Irken question?" Gaz asked curiously.

"I believe the earth phrase is fire away?" Zim retorted.

"You said you're sixteen in Irken. How about in Earth?" She asked curiously.

"Oh, I am about one-hundred and sixty-two of your earthanoid cycles," Zim answered off-handedly, Gaz looking at him in surprise. "Well, this is my turn. Greet your father for me and torment your brother for me. Zim commands it, Gaz-slave!" Zim said before turning to head down the road to his out of place home.

"...Zim is an old man, huh?" Gaz commented in amusement.

Zim whistled as he headed home. Some would wonder, had Zim come to enjoy Earth's beauty over the past two years? Gained some form of humanity that he didn't have before? The answer is, flatly, no. He was still as 'amoral' as ever by human standards, still had every intention of making a throne for himself on this dirt hole, and quite frankly? How was he supposed to enjoy the scenery when it rained burning liquid on him regularly and the planet was covered primarily by such stuff? Honestly, Zim had seen too many movies about the human race somehow making other creatures 'see the light' as the expression went, to the point that the concept made him sick.

Zim, at heart, was a warrior. There was no peace, no beauty that could quell such a feeling. What he did gain on this planet was a clearer head. Years of not having to deal with being one of the smallest Irkens had allowed his head to...decompress, slow down. No longer was he as rash or foolish as he once was. In truth, he had continued his more obvious and ill-planned schemes for world domination just to keep Dib distracted and from getting suspicious. In secret, he was collecting information on the other countries of earth.

Over the years, he had realized one of the fatal flaws in his invasion plans. Earth was VERY primitive, more so than he originally thought. Not only were they not unified, but their educational system lacked the transparency many races had when it came to the reality of their government. Then again, humans were much more emotional than most races still. They whined and cried over the simplest things. But their primitiveness worked in their favor in this case. With a unified world government, weakening them would be simpler and with the secrecy the governments kept from the people, learning their defenses wasn't easy.

Zim smiled as he entered his home, ignoring the robot parents, "Masta! You're home! We made a cake!" GIR greeted, ever insanely, as he held up a small cake that was looked deceptively well made, with Minimoose squeaking nearby. Zim raised an eyebrow as he poked his finger into it, black goo oozing out, "I made it out of Car-juice and Jell-O," He informed happily.

"That's nice, GIR, but my Spooch isn't much for Fooch right now," Zim informed with a playful eye roll and as patted GIR on the head.

"Aww, poor Masta...I know! We'll make Soup! Mongoose soup!" Gir declared, running off, leaving Minimoose and Zim alone for the moment.

*Squeek*

"Of course go after him! You're the only one that can keep track of that 'Garbage Is Recycled' Unit," Zim instructed, the sentient weapon heading off to do its master's bidding. Zim had developed a hobby of figuring out what GIR's letters could stand for. It was a LONG list.

On top of figuring out more things about Earth, Zim had also realized the truth about his mission. All the Tallest really wanted to do was get him away from the armada so he wouldn't ruin Impending Doom II...or cause Horrible Painful Overload Day Part Three. Yes, somewhere along the line, Zim realized that he had single handedly caused more destruction to the empire he desperately wanted to serve than all of their enemies combined. Still, that didn't discourage him. Rather, it encouraged him. If he was to be remembered as a great Irken, he would have to do something to show that his doomful nature could be used to benefit his people more than it had harmed them. Something which would probably have gotten anyone without his history named an honorary Tallest, if such a thing existed.

Zim sighed as he entered the base through the toilet, almost wishing his race was as primitive as Earth- if it was, his feats would have made him hailed as a mighty and terrible being of pure DOOM! "Computer! Scan Zim! I have detected an abnormality with my squeedlyspooch! Tell me my aliment!" Zim demanded, holding his arms up dramatically.

"Alright, alright," The computer drawled, almost sounding like it was fighting back a cybernetic yawn, "Are you sure you didn't just eat the Skool slop again?" The computer asked, clearly annoyed as it scanned its Irken master.

"Foolish computer! Zim would not dare to dine on that substance if his PAK was on the line!" Zim retorted before adding on in a calmer voice, "And to be honest, I don't care what your scans said about that, I'm sure that so called food has something to do with the low intelligence on this rock," He added on with a shiver.

"Possible, but it's hard to tell with everything else wrong on this planet," The computer relented uncaringly. "Huh...this is odd," The computer mused.

"What is it? Am I expiring? Has some earth chemical finally caused an adverse effect in me after years of exposure?!" Zim asked in worry.

"Zim," The computer said evenly.

"Old habits die hard," Zim said unapologetically, "You were saying?"

"There is something going on with you, but I'm not sure what. Your squeedlyspooch is secreting hormones that your body usually doesn't possess. It doesn't seem to be having any ill effect beyond the pain," The computer informed curiously, "To put it blunt, you're mutating, for some reason."

"Sounds almost like the PEW-burt-TEA thing Little Gaz mentioned," Zim said, wincing as he felt another pain in his body.

"Puberty..." The computer mused with a robotic hum, "Well, the nature of the two seem similar: Growing pains, the body self-altering its chemistry, and other changes. Only yours isn't natural, to my knowledge of Irken growth," It explained.

"Hmm, I did absorb every human organ in surplus for a while. Maybe there was a genetic contamination, or even just my body absorbing a few things," Zim mused, remembering that time he stole all those organs from the kids at skool. He had been very tempted to not give back the half-lung to Dib afterwards- turned out that both lungs were too big for his exchanging-teleporter, which gave him all the more reason to take one of Dib's. And everyone thinking Dib was a cyborg cowman was nice. Too bad the Professor had to clear that up- got the nurse fired too, since Zim returning the organ made her claim seem insane.

"Zim? Zim? ZIM!" The computer yelled in annoyance.

"Huh, what? Oh, yes, where were we?" Zim asked, tearing his brain from the past.

"At the fact your body is doing things it's not supposed to," The computer reminded, "Should I send a query to Irk?" It asked curiously

"No, the Tallests or the Brains might use it as an excuse to declare me defective," Zim answered with a glare.

"Eh, I'd probably get scrapped anyway if that happened. Ya know, it's good the Tallest gave you equipment with faulty AIs or I might have not had the self-preservation to not send an alert," The computer informed.

"True. Still, it's the springing break, so I can wait and see how this develops for a few days...of course, Dib will get suspicious," Zim mused with a grimace.

"Should I set the defenses to a different setting?" The computer asked, sounding oddly amused.

"Yes, set it to Darth Troll Level T.T." Zim answered wickedly, before pointing to the ceiling dramatically, "And record it! Zim shall need much entertainment once this ailment subsides!" He demanded.

"What about Gir?" The computer asked curiously.

"Infinite Monkey Show Loop, Duh!" Zim answered with a roll of his eyes, "And run calculations to determine what the likely side effects these bodily chemicals will have on my body."

"Yes sir," The computer answered sarcastically.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go lie down for a bit..." Zim said, sagging his shoulders as he showed how drained his condition had actually left him.

End of Chapter

Well, there we go, my first Zim fic. I've tried to retain Zim's character while toning him down a tad- decompressing, as he said. As for Gaz, eh, I figure she'd prefer Zim over Dib- and if he doe take over the earth, she'd probably take the offer of him sparing Bloaties- andshe'd probably love alien video games. But I can see them having an odd form of friendship regardless, even pruely in canon.

But, yes, Zim was part of an experiment to improve the Irken race and keep them from dieing off if the Control Brains get fried. And now the side effects are showing. What they'll be, well ,you'll have to wait and find out for that.

However, Zim will NOT suddenly come to love earth, the ways of humans, or anything like that. He's an Irken, he's an invader, and that's not going to change to the point that he'll like our little dirt ball of a planet. As for what this fic means by Warlord? Well, that'll be explained when it comes up.

Onto pairings...I make no promises or solid speculation. Zim could get with Gaz, Tak, an OC, a Xover girl, or more than one. Or no one at all. He might keep some as trophies or prisoners, who knows. It's all in the air at the moment.

May have to transfer this to the NSFW section one day, but that's also up in the air.

 

[Akumakami64]

Chapter 2

Zim felt odd when he awoke. Both great and horrible in a bizarre twist. He felt very energized and alive right now, like he could take on the entire galaxy! At the same time, his limbs felt a bit sore and stiff, like he was still recovering from some great physical exertion. Yet he couldn't recall any such event. Not only that, but-

"Computer! Explain to me why I am naked!" Zim demanded, holding his arm weakly in the air with a finger pointed high in the sky.

He blinked as he realized two very, very important facts. One, his arm seemed a bit longer than it used to be. Second...he had two hands in the air. Both of them on his left.

"By the great Broodmother!" Zim exclaimed in surprise as he shot up, almost falling forward from the mixture of being lightheaded and his body just feeling...strange.

"Zim, Zim! Calm down!" The Computer called, a bit annoyed yet also concerned, "Your center of gravity has changed, you have to get used to it."

"Get used to what?" Zim asked, trying to keep one right arm down as the other gripped his head as his vision cleared.

He was still in the lab, on one of the tables. Irkens didn't need nice, cushy substances to sleep on, so Zim wasn't surprised he might have slept on one of his research tables. What did surprise him was that his legs were dangling off the end and resting on the floor. All around him was shredded scraps of skin, his own no doubt, along with some crust formed from bodily ooze that had long dried up. Gir was off to one side, smiling stupidly.

"What...what happened to me?" Zim asked in disbelief, looking down at his now four arms and long legs. The lower set were a bit shorter than the others, but they also had sharper claws.

"You went into a coma," the Computer answered, "Or rather a deep sleep since I'm not sure coma is the correct term when you rip your own clothes off in your sleep. After that, your...condition went into overdrive, changing your body at a rapid pace. I actually calculated you were very probable to die from some of those alterations."

Zim took a deep breath at that, "Activate a reflective hologram of myself!" Zim ordered out, not sure he wanted to know everything that had happened to him.

"Yes sir," the computer answered sardonically as the see-through image appeared in front of Zim.

Zim steeled himself as he took in the creature before him. It was still Irken, or some relation of one. He was taller, obviously, maybe even as tall as the Tallest. However, his legs had three sets of joints now, the middle ones facing backwards. His toes were a bit longer and much more talon-like, obviously designed for gripping. His head was the same, mostly. His eyes hadn't changed, but the antennas had notably more setae than before, giving them a hairy and thorny appearance. There was also an almost unnoticeable patchwork of crisscrossing ridges along his scalp.

Besides the new arms and size, the torso appeared to be the same to Zim, on the outside at least. Perhaps more muscular, but with his overall increase in mass, it was hard to tell. Though, upon looking down at his actual self, Zim noticed that the stomach area, if he were human, had a darker shade to it. He stroked it a bit and felt no pain, so he doubted it was internal bleeding.

He exposed his teeth and was pleased to see those were the same zipper style, as the Dib-beast once dubbed them. Then he noticed his tongue, however. It was the same long and fleshy muscle he had been using for over a century, but there was definitely something different about it. And one of the perks of a long tongue was being able to grab it and examine it if needed, specially with the hologram not being clear enough for his liking.

It took him a moment of squinting, but he finally figured it out. There was a small...thing on the underside, just before the very tip of it. After focusing on it a bit, Zim was shocked to find a tiny dart emerge from what was apparently a second mouth on his tongue.

Zim retracted his darted tongue as he looked down at the final noticeable alteration to his body.

If a human were to see it, they would call it the strangest and scariest penis they had ever seen.

They wouldn't be wrong either, as it was the Irken equivalent of a penis. It was about seven inches long, and nearly as thick as a adult human wrist. Large for human, but Zim expected average for his new body. It had a forest green color and a hard, scaly texture to it. The crown almost appeared to have tiny, dull, backwards spikes along it. It almost looked more like a predator worm than genitalia.

Zim, already guessing what this was, noted he had no visible gonads to go with it.

"Computer, I need answers and I need them now," Zim said flatly as he dismissed the hologram.

"Well, you're in luck. While you were catching your beauty sleep, I monitored the information streaming from your pak," Computer answered lazily, a smirk in its voice, "I can't begin to speculate what caused this, but I can tell you the most obvious side effects so far: Drastic height increase, second set of arms with sharper claws-"

"Yes, yes, I can see all of those! Explain to me things that are not plain as day! Like what is this spike in my tongue!" Zim demanded.

The computer made his vocalizer simulate a sigh, "Well, I was getting to that, but okay. The spike is actually designed to penetrate a life-form's skin and drink their blood dry for nutrients," The computer answered.

Zim gaped, "I drink blood?"

"Yes and no. Your squeedlyspooch has divided itself into several organs that carry out many functions. The organ that digests and processes your food makes you capable of consuming many things. What it's intended for exactly, I'm not sure. There also seems to be a smaller organ attached to it that is designed solely for sensing, storing, and purging any ingested poisons to the body. Your circulatory organ is also part of your respiratory system, feeding fresh air to it almost directly through the skin, making it difficult for you to become "out of breath" as the humans say. You also have an organ that seems to be responsible for most of your new hormones. Coincidentally, it is neighboring your internal testicles, and is connected to your nervous system. Unlike similar organs in most creature, apparently it releases very specific, very powerful chemicals depending on the stimuli and bodily reactions," The computer droned on.

"Wow," Zim said in shock, patting his torso, "Fair thee well, Squeedlyspooch! Ye served Zim well!"

"Zim," Computer said flatly.

"Yes, yes, continue please," Zim requested dismissively.

The machine groaned before complying, "Your upper hands still have the ability to sense taste through touch, but your lower ones do not. This might just be a matter of timing, or they might be designed like that, naturally or no," The computer started, "They also have a layer of microscopic "grippers" that should allow you to stick to surfaces, same with your feet, but I wouldn't recommend wall-climbing as these appear to be easily warn down or pulled out from constant use. Unless I'm misreading these signals, your toe claws also have an exceptional regrow time. Your antennas can hear and smell things clearer than before while your skull is now, literally, dense. Your legs, besides the shape, aren't that much different. On the upside, you can probably jump up to a one story ceiling without much issue. To top it all off, your pak has been constantly stimulating your brain, increasing its solo capacity to make it fully functioning," The computer stopped. If he needed breath, he would have been panting there.

Zim blinked as that sunk in, "You mean...I don't need my pak?" Zim asked slowly.

"Eventually? Yes. Congratulations on being the first not-brain-dead Irken in millions of years," The Computer answered bluntly.

Zim growled at that before something occurred to him, "Umm, Computer, I think you forgot something?" Zim reminded, pointing down to his phallus.

"That, Zim, is your version of a penis. Beyond that, I don't know yet. All I know it that what you're seeing is a protective shell or armor-like foreskin. While I'd rather not find out at all, I won't know anything until it's done maturing- it was one of the last organs to form," Computer elaborated with mild disgust.

"Another mystery to add to the pile," Zim mused absently as he awkwardly tried to stand on his new legs, two hands on the table for support, "By the Skool Food, why are these legs so complicated!?" Zim complained in irritation as he tried to get them to walk right.

"Hmm, they seem to be designed to walk in various settings, allowing one to adapt to a different dimensions of enclosed spaces," Computer commented in observation.

Zim paused as he put the thought together in his head. He slowly, shakily, bent his backwards knees and the set below that, folding them so compactly that they would have circulation issue in a more human-like system. But for the Irken's new body, the bending did little to impede the blood flow. Now he looked as if he had one knee on each leg and despite being folded like this, their thickness could pass for that of a human nearing adulthood.

"Hmm, tall enough to be a HiSkooler now," Zim mused absently, noting that problem no longer being relevant. Along the same line of thought, he folded his lower arms over his stomach. He hummed as he realized that with the right clothes, he could still pass for his usual "disguise," now with a growth spurt. He just had to make sure no one saw under his shirt and that he never wore shorts. That, or, find a way to conceal them better.

Zim blinked as his antenna twitched repeatedly, "I...is that smell Zim?" He asked slowly, scowling.

"Along with your shredded skin and dried body goo...and whatever bodily waste you're currently sitting in," The Computer informed dryly.

"...Zim smells disgusting," the Irken decided with a grimace. "Sanitation pod?"

"Parsecs ahead of you," the computer answered with a hint of smugness as an empty pod rose from the floor near Zim.

The invader scowled as he crouched into it, mindful not to undo his joints, "What is the nature of the discoloration on Zim's middle area?" Zim asked as the pod slid closed and began to fill with a liquid that would NOT burn his flesh like acid.

"Unknown as of yet. Maybe just a reaction to, your know, your organ literally ripping itself apart," The Computer pointed out sarcastically.

Zim rolled his eyes, an earth habit he admittedly loved as none could detect him doing such in his true form. The non-water liquid quickly drained away with the offending odor on Zim's body. "Computer? Take samples of my discarded bio-waste on the floor: scan it, study it, and incinerate the rest."

"Duly noted," the Computer acknowledged as robotic appendages sprang around the room to do Zim's bidding.

"How long was I incapacitated?" Zim questioned curiously.

"..." There was a heavy silence as the Computer hesitated to answer.

"Quignark," Zim cursed idly. "I'm assuming this Break of Springs is over."

"We both know you know how to say Spring Break properly," the Computer reminded in exasperation.

"I know, it is merely more fun to say it the Zim-way," Zim concluded with a wide grin. "So, how long, exactly?"

Computer ultimately let out a virtual sigh as he answered. "About six months."

"...I'm sorry, what?" Zim asked with a blink, reaching up to rub the side of his head. "Did Zim grow human listening holes and generate wax in them while he slept?"

"No, Zim, I'm serious. You've been out for about half a year," Computer restated firmly.

"...Floringok, I missed Summer Break too!?" Zim said in annoyance.

"Right, because that's your concern," Computer stated with an eye roll.

"Right, right. How's GIR, the Base, Minimoose, the Dib-stink, and GIR. In that order," Zim instructed as he took a deep breath.

"You said GIR twice," Computer pointed out.

"I am aware, the order still stands," Zim acknowledged knowingly.

"We told GIR you were taking a super nap. He's mostly been alternating between the Doom Song and the monkey show since then. The base is fine, no activity or issues in four months since the human known as Dib stopped coming around. Minimoose-"

*Squee!*

Zim blinked as he saw the moose-like entity floating near him. "Aww, Minimoose, I'm sorry I worried you," he cooed with a grin as he hugged his creation with his upper right arm, getting more squeaks. "You've been down here this whole time? Okay, now YOU need time in the cleansing pod," Zim stated, tossing him into it casually before turning back to the computer. "Continue?"

"Right. The boy spent a week trying to get in, then I guess he just went off to find you elsewhere. He tried a few more times, but he's just been watching the house for five months now with the surveillance he set up," the Computer explained offhandedly.

"Upside to this entire debacle: Not knowing where I am or what I'm doing is driving the Fat-Head crazy. Of this, I am certain and satisfied," Zim decided with a content look before scowling. "GIR?"

"I literally just-"

*VOOM*

"WAAAAAA!" GIR screamed happily as he shot down into the lab with his jet-boots, landing right in front of Zim. "Hi, Masta! You's got big!" Gir's voice exclaimed cheerfully at Zim's form. "Is nap time over? I made you a sausage cake! And I broke the milk."

"You were saying?" Zim asked smugly to the computer.

The AI let out a long suffering sigh. "I don't get maintained well enough for this..."

"And GIR, you know I can't eat meat from this disgusting Planet...or maybe I can? Tests for later," Zim rambled to himself a bit.

"It's Milk-Sausage!" GIR assured, getting a look from Zim.

"...I'm not going to question that. This is not the first conversation I'm having in months," Zim decided blandly.

"What do you call the last ten minutes?" Computer asked flatly.

"An update. Now...I think I need some new clothes."

Timeskip

Zim breathed deep as he took in free, outside oxygen for the first time in nearly two hundred earth days. About the same amount of time it took him to get to earth. He shuddered, remembering his first six months with GIR and the Doom Song.

Wiping that memory from his focus, he looked down at his new attire with a grin. He still had a pink shirt, but it was more of a shirt than a "dress" as Dib and others insinuated sometimes. On its front was a white symbol liken to the Irken symbol, but without the antennae. Over the shirt was a sleeveless black vest he left opened. His pants were the same, black was a good color he figured, but he added on some green shoes for the heck of it. His fake hair and contacts were in place, hiding his true nature from the idiot population of earth.

After a bit of stretching, he found himself leaning against the fence post and scrolling through a datapad; one he was happy to know resembled Earth devices enough to not draw attention. "Jeez, Red must be bored if he decided to give the go on Purple's straight-line campaign," he murmured as he skimmed through the data. "And the Dib-Dad's company has a rival? Did I know that? I think I'd remember I knowing that."

"Zi-!iiiiim?" A familiar voice called, starting accusingly, than trailing off in confusion.

"Hm?" Zim looked up in confusion as he looked up to see a...Chairbound Blob-Human? "Can Zim help you, Disgusting Grease Goblin?" Zim asked in a casual, almost innocent way that only he could manage.

The possibly inhuman thing looked almost hurt by that, but still glared. "I-I'm Dib."

"...Eh?" Zim said, not quite comprehending that statement as he studied this creature. It was too fat, disgusting, and- his antennae shivered- smelly to be the Dib-beast, surely! But it did have the outfit, the voice, the stupid yet messier hair-thing, and the incredibly giant head- "Oh my Irk! Dib-Stink! Zim hardly recognized you, your putrid globious body is almost making your head look normal in size! What has happened to yoooou!?" he exclaimed in genuine shock, jumping back...landing on top of his roof.

"...How did he...?" Dib asked quietly to himself, having not seen any jet pack or robot limbs assisting the alien.

"What happened? Was it parasites? Mutations? Are you Ill? Cause Zim is not ruining this body like that, and our pact against biological bacterial warfare still stands! Break it and Zim will call in that favor with my future Gaz-pet!"

"Six months gone and you're still on about that?!" Dib exclaims in exasperation, trying and failing to pull himself out of his seat. "What have you been doing, Zim!? Where have you been?!"

"In the toilet!" Zim called with a straight face.

"...For six months?" Dib questioned slowly, not sure if he believed that.

"Yes," Zim answered, standing on the ledge with his arms crossed.

"...Oh, right, your lab is down the toilet," Dib recalled in exasperation.

"You're learning, Dib-blob!" Zim declared as he leapt down from his house, landing with a thud. There was something satisfying about feeling the kinetic energy running though his legs when he did. Standing at his disguised height, he hummed and deduced he was about a head above Dib now. Well, the old-Dib, not this...puke-monster. "But answer Zim now: What has become of you?" Zim demanded, waving to all of this old enemy.

"I've been monitoring all the places you're usually at: Here, Skool, that Taco-place you love!" Dib exclaimed as he regained his glare.

"No, no, Gir loves that place. I think it's dirty," Zim corrected casually, motioning to the green dog standing next to them, surprising Dib with his sudden appearance.

"I ate a baby there," Gir stated cheerfully.

"He did," Zim confirmed as if it wasn't important.

"And just what have you been plotting and planning?! What dastardly scheme do you have for Earth that took half a year!?" Dib demanded obsessively.

"...Okay, Dib-stink- and by the Broodmother if that name isn't literal now- I'm going to even with you," Zim stated awkwardly.

"...You mean level?" Dib questioned in confusion.

"Yeah, sure," Zim waved off uncaringly. "The Great and Powerful Ziiiiim has been in a state of prolonged unconsciousness, resulting in a persistent state of vegativeness, to the point where Zim believes he has come to know the taste of oblivion and finds it wanting," Zim explained in a cocky, faux-casual tone.

"...You were in a COMA?! For SIX MONTHS?!" Dib exclaimed in shock, trying to leap from his chair...only to fall over, still stuck to the wheeled furniture. "I wasted all this time for nothing?!"

"That would be the Dib-way of saying it, yes," Zim accepted with a smirk...which quickly dissolved into an uncertain, uncomfortable scowl as he watched Dib squirm on the ground and try to get up. "Zim should feel great joy at the sight of you squirming like a worm-baby, LITERALLY, but this somehow just feels unfulfilling," he commented, looking around to see a few of the neighbors staring at them. "Pay your feeble minds no heed, neighboring humans! The boy-chair is just jealous of Zim's unglobby form," he declared dismissively. They all murmured in what sounded like understanding before heading off.

"Oh please, I'm sure this was all part of your plan," Dib grumbled as he tried to push himself up.

"I'd be thrilled to take credit for your demise in most scenarios, but this is not one of them," Zim stated blandly with a grimace, grasping the back of the chair as he sat Dib up with less effort than he expected.

"You're helping me?" Dib asked in mild surprise.

"Don't misunderstand, Dib-beast. I merely wish to remove your currently-more-revolting-than-normal self from my home," Zim stated simply as he walked in front of Dib, growling as he tried to shake some invisible filth off his hands.

"And how are you going to do that, huh?!" Dib demanded defiantly. Zim just looked at him, completely unimpressed as he simply raised a foot to angle it at Dib's chair, who just remembered that Zim had jumped to a building top a moment ago. "Oh, right," he realized in resignation as Zim kicked him as hard as his new legs would allow, sending the son of a scientist zooming down the street in his wheeled chair, as if shot out of a canon. "ZIIIIIIIM!" Dib yelled in anger and fear, unable to control his path.

"That boy'sa goin be a waffle driving like that," Gir commented in observation.

"Nah, he'll be fine," Zim concluded dismissively as he flexed his leg with a grin. "Zim was always great, but this is a pleasant improvement."

"Masta bigger and armier! Hehe, like a poodle~" Gir sang off randomly, dancing on his squeaky feet.

"Yes, yes I am," Zim agreed, putting a note away to look up what kind of dog a poodle was again. "Well, I'm off for a walk. Gir, watch the base and NO rave parties," Zim warned with a glare.

"Okey-dokey!" Gir saluted before running back inside.

"...One of these days, I'm going to find a way to upgrade that adorable junkbucket without removing his personality," Zim murmured to himself, shaking his head fondly as he decided to take a walk around town. He doubted much had changed in six months, barely anything had changed since he arrived on this dirthole of a planet. A new microshop here, some kind of weird goat-themed gym there, nothing truly important to him at the moment.

It took only a brief time until his antennae shuddered beneath his hair as he detected a putrid smell. He scowled as he rounded a corner and saw Dib scooting his chair up the path to the Membrane household. And at his current pace, it'd be a few minutes still. "...In for a Voot, in for a Massive," Zim decided with a shrug as used his legs to launch himself across the street, using his robotic spider legs and tentacles to land safely and silently in a tree, his pak's limbs bringing him down to the ground before retracting. Without further ado. he walked to the back door and knocked on it firmly.

He was actually surprised to see the patriarch of the family. Though, similar yet dissimilar to the Dib, the Professor seemed to have gained an non-disgusting but notable amount of weight. "Ahh, Dib's Foreign Friend! I thought you moved away?" he greeted in polite interest before looking around. "And why are you in the backyard, may I ask?"

"Professor? I thought you were always at your lab?" Zim asked in slight surprise. Maybe things had changed while he was gone. "Sorry, I've been away on...personal issues, of a very personally issuing nature. Also your male-spawn is currently rolling up to your door, and I desire to avoid his alien ravings again today," Zim explained calmly, thinking on his feet.

The smartest human on earth sighed in apology. "Please forgive my insane son. Though, that doesn't answer why you're here?" he asked curiously.

"Well, I thought I'd come by and check on the little Gazling's status after all this time," Zim answered honestly, if for no other reason than to verify if she had fallen victim to...whatever word humans used for Dib's condition.

"How thoughtful! Come right in, Gaz should be finished cleaning her Gazmat suit," Professor Membrane invited, happy to know his children had a friend.

Zim did so, blinking as his auditory glands detected an odd mechanical noise very close to him. Glancing over at the professor, he blinked as he processed a sudden revelation. "Gaz-Father, did you...always have robot arms?" he questioned in honest surprise.

"Hm?" Membrane paused after closing the door before he understood. "Ahh, that's right, you left before I switched to these new test models," he explained without hesitation as he pulled his right glove off to reveal the large mechanical prosthetic. "My old ones almost looked like natural arms, so I understand the confusion," he explained cheerfully.

"Given that you are a being of science, do they not hinder you a bit in the more...delicate tasks, or do you have minions to take care of those?" Zim asked curiously as he stroked his chin.

"Ahaha! I hardly trust the interns with coffee sometimes. No, I use to switch back in those cases, but we've worked out the kinks. These can now perform even the most delicate and precise operations, and many other improvements and features." Membrane stated proudly before opening his coat to reveal many metal rectangles on internal pockets, and the fact that he was still about the same size as Zim recalled. "Only draw back? Horrid battery life. Each arm goes through at least four a day, sometimes more," he lamented.

"Did you try adding a power-saving drive to compensate for the different energy input in tasks? Because if I'm right, your arms are burning extra energy just switching between the strength they're exerting for different tasks," Zim pointed out casually, scrunching his brow as he studied it. "Also, am I looking at this right, or is there a death-beam function on your arms?"

"Hm?!" Membrane did a double take at the green boy. "Remarkable. How can you tell about the energy weapon?" Membrane asked curiously, proud to meet another person of science.

"Little things. That spherical portion for the palms is out of place given the general design of the arm, and the way the top part is attached rather than being a whole piece suggests it more than just a synthetic arm. Wait, that's the problem, right? The energy weapon drains the battery even when shut down?" Zim guessed in understanding.

"My, you are a very intelligent young man. And yes, that is the issue. Are you interested in robotics?" Professor Membrane questioned in interest.

"Oh, I've dabbled in a few things," Zim answered with feigned humbleness. "Now about th-"

"Zim?"

Both males turned to see Gaz looking at the altered Irken in shock, who was doing the same to a lesser degree. "Oh, how rude of me. I almost forgot why you came here. I'll leave you two to catch up," the Membrane patriarch said with a chuckle before walking by his daughter and making himself scarce.

"...Zim, wh-" Gaz started, only to blink in total disbelief as she felt Zim hugging her. "...What the heck, Zim...?" she asked, trying and failing to pull away from the now-taller male.

"Zim is just sooooo happy that my trophy-human has not transformed into a disgust blob-beast like the Dib. Bleh!" Zim explained, Gaz a bit taken and a bit uncomfortable by how genuinely happy he sounded.

"...Let me go now," Gaz ordered after a moment.

"Very well, I am done!" Zim answered as he released her suddenly, nearly make her fall. "Also, Gazling, since when do you wear blue? Or bunnies?" Zim asked in legitimate surprise.

"..." Gaz stared a moment longer before gained her composure and chuckling. "Since wearing all black started attracting unwanted attention. Idiots thought I was goth or emo and suddenly every edgy kid in school wants to annoy me. And it's a bunny skull," she pointed out with a small glare.

"A bunny skull is still a bunny," Zim countered in amusement.

"What about you? Mimicking Dib now?" she taunted lightly, pointing to his vest.

"Hmm? Oh, no, I just wanted someplace to put my hands. And your brother does not own this color," Zim answered with a shrug. "Speaking of your now-truly-disgusting gene-sharer...what happened while I was out of commission?" he asked curiously, possibly even in concern.

"He did nothing but sit in his room and watch for you," Gaz answered flatly.

"...For six months? Truly nothing else?" Zim asked in disbelief. The Dib-stink truly wasted all of that time? He'd count that as a victory. Or Dib defeating himself, either or.

"Well, what were YOU doing all this time?" Gaz challenged, raising an eyebrow at him.

"In a coma, basically," Zim answered with a shrug.

Gaz blinked, looking Zim over against before biting back a snicker. "Dib does nothing and turns into a slime-ball of flesh and sick, you do nothing and come back looking like you went through a growth spurt," Gaz realized in amusement.

"Superior Irken Biology, Gaz-Baby!" Zim stated proudly with his hands on his hip. Gaz stopped snickering before looking at Zim with wide eyes, wondering if he knew the double meaning of that nickname. "But, in total honesty this once, I have no idea how or why this happened. I mean, look at this!" Zim said, pulled up his shirt to reveal the second set of arms, folded tight against his chest. Gaz stared in idle fascination before he pulled it back down. "Even for Irkens, that's not normal."

"Huh, so what, you a super Irken now or something?" Gaz asked, partially in jest.

"Zim has been "super" since he left the tube, thank you, Gazling," Zim corrected with a mock glare. "But as there appear to be no health hazards, I believe I will be fine."

"That still raises the question: Why are you really here, Zim? Dib went off to see you, so I doubt you're here for him," Gaz questioned with her arms crossed.

"I just thought I'd give you a heads up," Zim answered with a coy smirk.

"...About what?" Gaz asked suspiciously.

She froze as she suddenly found Zim leaning over her with his hand on the wall. "I'm taking your advice."

"...What?" she asked slowly, trying to decipher the meaning.

"I'm going to stop talking about what I'm going to do and just do it," Zim explained in a voice that could be either soothing or sinister, or both. "So, as my favorite human, I wanted to let you know to enjoy the time this dirtball has left before I take it, and claim my Gaz-slave," he answered, patting her on the head. "Oh, and sorry you have to put up with a Grease Goblin, bye!"

Gaz gaped as Zim left without another word, leaving her just a tad stunned. A year ago, she'd have brushed him off as an idiot. Six months ago, she knew it was possible but wasn't betting on soon. Now? Something in Zim's eye just screamed something to her, like the idoit was long gone, that he was truly a threat now. And an imminent one.

"Gaz! Can you help me? I can't open the door without tipping over!" Dib's voice called. breaking her out of her shock.

She shook her head, scowling briefly before putting on a small smirk. "Go get them, Zim," she said to herself as she debated between helping and ignoring her brother.

End of Chapter

For this fic, I decided to incorporate part of Enter the Florpus into this, both for plot points in the movie and as a chance for me to ddo some inverse explaining of changes- Membrane's arms, Gaz's outfit, etc.

Zim's coma was originally just going to last until the end of the spring break, buuut...well, I looked up when the real-life Peace Day was, and realized it was about six months after Spring break. Given his transformation, that seemed like a good timeframe. That said, this is more Series/Classic Gaz than Comic/Movie Gaz, and vice cersa for the Professor.

And oh boy, Zim is digging his new, Reverted form. Is this the end result of Zim's transformation or is this not even his final form? We'll find out eventually. And he's already given a warning to Gaz, who is wondering just how much of his word choices are deliberate now, and is all to interested to see how Zim will follow through on his intentions.

Anyway, hope this was worth the long ass wait. I shall be returning here more frequently, I promise.

PS Anyone that is willing, I have a patreon under the same username as mine here(Akumakami64), linked below for anyone willing to tip me. Let me be clear, I'm not using this to make money off fanfic, I'm using fanfic to advertise that I have one. If you don't want or can't tip me, its fine, I'm not ransoming my updates or anything. If you do, you get access to preview-chunks of upcoming chapters and potential fics, along with any original content I push out. So if you can, thank you. If you can't, again, hope you enjoyed the show!