Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[alextheconqueror]

No, he openly and obviously Traces Caliburn in Fate, and UBW is one of the reasons Archer's arm even takes. Arms don't store information in any mundane way you know, it's the connection to UBW that's in the arm that Shirou draws on. I suggest rereading it

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Ok, so I missremembered, but still think it should had Taken at least a few days more given that even in the fate route they still interact Even if not a lot and Archer only dies around the end in the Fate route, also have in mind that the bodies of the servants are connected to their spirit original so I'm pretty sure Archer's arm was giving Shirou the equivalente of UBW route Shirou vs Archer, just more deep and painfull

 

[Neo3932156]

I'm probably forgetting or misremembering another lore thing.

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This is the fate-verse, you can easily make up some plausible reason. Nasu did it often, after all. In this case, my personal pet theory is the consequences of having a Gilgamesh as a servant. Mix that person history with having a peculiar master like Shirou, who's origin/magic/whatever is "sword," and there you have a odd power interaction that would eventually resulted in UBW.

 

[Davos]

This is the fate-verse, you can easily make up some plausible reason. Nasu did it often, after all. In this case, my personal pet theory is the consequences of having a Gilgamesh as a servant. Mix that person history with having a peculiar master like Shirou, who's origin/magic/whatever is "sword," and there you have a odd power interaction that would eventually resulted in UBW.

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...Think I got a line out of this now. Thank you!

 

[Davos]

"Get down from there Saber!" Medea shouts as Saber stands on a thick tree limb a great distance in the air.

"No, you're just going to make me wear another outfit not even prostitutes would wear!"

"Why do you know what prostitutes wear?" Kazuma asks.

"Lots of different people came to Camelot as it was formed, and that is not the point!"

"We're one of your knights a shameless horn dog?"

"Do not disparage Lancelot!"

"I think that's a yes."

"Is this because of the lingerie last night?" Medea asks, now floating in the air near Saber.

Saber slashes at her and Medea barely dodges with a short scream.

"I think that's yes!" Kazuma shouts from the ground.

"But I thought you would like wearing a suit!"

"That reminded of a lot of bad memories!"

"…You're kind of a big crybaby aren't you?" Kazuma asks and Saber jumps from the tree, sword in hand, aiming to cleave Kazuma.

He vanishes using lurk, and Saber only hits Earth.

"Coward!" Saber shouts before something lands on her head, blinding her. When she takes it off her head she sees it is a red dress, with an unfortunate 'addition' in the middle.

Saber doesn't need to look up, seeing the glow of a command seal in her side vision.

===

"…Wanna trade?" Cu asks as Rin looks at her food. It is a simple, but fine meal of noodles and sausage. What has Rin so crestfallen is the sausage has some noodles wrapped around them in a pattern like rope play.

Just like how Rin talked about over the years before she had the guests from Hell.

It even has a little bow.

Leysritt has a hand over her face, hiding a scowl, as Archer also has a hand over his face but hiding a grin. Sella is looking with a neutral face, and Illya is smiling.

Sella places a thick book next to Illya.

"I didn't break any rules!"

"I don't think I have to explain why putting linguini shibari on a sausage to a masochist you were told not to bother warrants punishment!"

"I'm not a masochist!" Rin shouts.

Everyone stifles a laugh a second too slow.

Even Sella who was reprimanding Illya.

Even Cu who offered to trade lunches with Rin.

Even Leysritt who rarely cracks a smile unless violence is present.

Rin takes Cu's lunch and leaves the room with a tear in her eye.

"I'm just a healthy young woman, damn it…"

Illya chuckles.

Then she gets another book on top of the other.

'Worth it~.' Illya thinks despite the frown.

===


"Astounding…I knew you would improve after a night of rest, but by this much…" Kirei says after throwing Shirou to the ground again.

"Indeed…though your ability to create blades is a surprising development…if a bit vexing." Gilgamesh says.

"I know…I'm not sure how, but it started after this odd dream."

"Dream?" Both men ask and Shirou explains.

"…Normally Masters and Servants have dreams when they sleep of the other's life, a haphazard and random insight…but it does not bequeath skills."

"And even if it did, it is not mine. I call upon my treasury, not create such hollow weapons out of the ether."

"Strange…My servant did not create blades so…whose life did I dream?"

After a moment of not finding an answer, they resume the training.

===

'…Can't believe I have to resort to this.' Rin thinks before walking up the stairs to Ryuudou temple.

After a bit of procrastination as a tourist, she asks around and heads to the area Medea, Kazuma, and Saber reside. Entering she sees an unusual sight. Medea and Kazuma taking pictures as Saber poses in golden boots, a red dress with an exposed back, a surprisingly low cut at the top…and a see through section over the front of the lower half of the dress, showing the entire front of her lower half.

Rin and Saber lock eyes.

Rin is open mouthed, and Saber is on the verge of tears.

"It's not what you-"

"Pervert."

"They're the perverts! I'm under their mercy from Command seals!"

"…Wait, aren't you down to one now?"

"I lost track how many times I was down to one command seal." Saber says before being stabbed by Caster again, three new seals appearing on her hand.

"Wait, you have infinite command seals?!"

"Indeed, and with that delightful shop Kazuma found, this is shaping up to be an excellent week!" Medea says before handing Saber a new outfit and using another seal, making Saber trod along to a make shift changing room.

"So what brings you here Baby girl?"

"Do not call me that!"

"You forgot to add 'Magical', Kazuma." Medea says with a smirk, deepening Rin's scowl.

"Ah I did…is the 2004 important too?"

Rin takes a deep breath before speaking.

"Can you take Illya?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Two reasons. One, it is a temple and women aren't supposed to be here." Kazuma says as Saber comes back, her hair in a pony tail as she is wearing a blue body suit. Rin looks flatly while gesturing to Saber.

"That's because of Caster's magic and we don't want to use too much of it before that fight."

"That is complete bullshit and you know it!"

"The second reason is I asked Illya to annoy you." Kazuma says, making Rin point a gander ready hand at him.

"Isn't that against the rules, using magic in the day time?" Kazuma asks with a sing song, making the gander double in size.

"You have no idea how effective Illya is at driving me insane!"

"Did she do the shibari sausage yet?" Kazuma asks, making Rin stammer a moment before readying her other hand with gandir.

"I didn't know you could do that with food…"

"What other indignities do you have planned?"

"Wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you, now would it?" Kazuma says, sweating now when Rin brings her hands together, merging the gander into a bigger curse ball.

"…I understand you are angry, but do you really think you can kill him while I am here?" Medea asks, and a moment later Rin disperses the ball.

"That said, I could probably talk Illya down if you do something for me." Kazuma says while holding up a shopping bag from that store. Rin ponders a moment before smiling sweetly.

This worries Kazuma.

His worry increases when she steps closer, still smiling.

Then hope fills him.

'Maybe she's finally embracing her perversion and is willing to ex-' His thought of youthful hope ends when he sees green bars lining Rin's limbs.

'Ah crap…Why do I still hope?' He thinks before a fist of steel sends him to the ground.

===


Illya leaves Rin's room with a grin before seeing Leysritt there.

"…It's not what it looks like." Illya says and Leysritt pulls out a notebook, flipping past a few pages.

"So you aren't leaving Miss Tohsaka's room with mischievous intent?"

"No."

"Then enter the room while keeping a grip on Illya and find the source of mischievous intent…oh I'm not supposed to read that part out loud." Leysritt says, grabbing Illya as she tries to flee.
They enter Rin's room and she sees the open closet door with a bunch of skimpy versions of nun outfits, and a paddling board on Rin's bed.

"Where in the world did you get this, mistress?"

"It was already in Rin's closet." Illya say.

"Mistress."

"Kazuma."

"That makes more sense…we are removing these before she returns."

"But she really did have one of those outfits!"

"Mistress."

"I'm not lying!" Illya says, only to be met with a flat stare.

Illya is made to carry the outfits out of the room. They stop at a cracked open door, the sound of rustling sheets getting their attention.

"…Leysritt, where is Sella?" Illya asks in a whisper.

"…She did not tell me." Leysritt whispers back. They look at each other. They open the door, and despite their suspicions, still gasp at the sight before them. Illya drops the skimpy clothes as Sella freezes, pale faced, hair down, dress in partial undress while straddling Cu Chulainn.

"It hasn't even been a day since rule 3 was made!" Illya shouts.

"…Technically he didn't break any of the rules…" Sella says, further shocking Illya and Leysritt.

"…You're a good woman Sella." Cu says as Archer looks into the room.

'…Guess his luck is better in this timeline. That or his Fergus influence is showing without Kirei as his master. Wonder if he has a 'harem hero' skill?' Archer thinks before going on his merry way, stopping when he sees Leysritt study Cu Chulainn with squinted eyes.

"Leysritt, no!" Sella and Illya say at the same time, confusing Cu and Archer.

"You're right…with the difference in our strength, I'd probably kill him." Leysritt says, making Sella flinch a moment before looking at Cu, glancing below before frowning at him.

"…Seriously?"

"…I've never been afraid to court death."

"Oh God…I can't believe I'm actually happy to be stunted now…" Illya mutters before walking aimlessly down the hall.

===

"Why are you restless?" Gilgamesh asks as Kamen Rider starts.

"Guess I'm just a bit worried about that duel."

"Hmph, you doubt my abilities?"

"Hardly, after that training session of you lobbing Noble Phantasms at me in the most dangerous game of dodge ball, I know you are not the weak link here…Especially since you were going easy…but I was certain I could have killed at least one servant with my plan back at the castle, and Kazuma managed to save them…"

"He will not this time…though why are you so keen on winning this war?"

"…Before it was to be a hero of justice and save everyone."

"What a ludicrous dream."

"Indeed…especially after meeting those three."

"Those three being?"

"Rin, Kazuma, and Saber."

"Magical Baby Girl and that mongrel I understand, but Saber? I recall her being nearly idealistic enough to agree with that dream."

"I never did get to know her. Her being the cause of that disaster 10 years ago may have soured me from any attempts and made me realize the truth about my prior held ideals."

"And what is that truth?"

"Not everyone is worth saving, and some are better off dead."

===
After the surprise attack on Kazuma, Rin manages to sucker punch Medea before she can react, knocking them both to the ground. As she starts kicking them, Saber join in, the squeakiness of her current suit adding another noise to the blows.

"This is for stealing my underwear!"

"This is for making me play dress up!"

"This is for revealing my kinks!"

"This is for stabbing me so many times!"

"By my comm.- AGH!" Medea has the air knocked out of her when Saber stomps on her.

"Medea and Kazuma exchange a look, grimacing but coming to the same conclusion.

"This is for stealing my room, siccing Illya on me, and nothing you say will-"

"Harder~." Kazuma and Medea say in a velvet tone, making Saber and Rin jump back with a blush in shock.

"By my command seal, you are to never strike me or Kazuma again!" Medea says, and Saber cries out in fury.

Kazuma raises his hand.

"Don't you-!"

"Steal!"

After the flash, he is holding a pair of white panties.

"Lucky for you, there are some outfits you can try on as well…Unless you want to go through town in that mini skirt and tempt a passing breeze~." Kazuma says and Rin puts with clenched fists before turning and walking away to the changing room Saber was in.

"You forgot the-"

Rin comes out a moment later wearing Saber's longer skirt.

"Hey!" Saber shouts but Rin ignores them and goes home.

===

Upon going home she finds Cu in a collar, chained to a pole and sitting in a large dog house.

"Why are you wearing Saber's-"

"I don't want to talk about it." She says before going inside and heading straight to her room to change. She opens her closet and notices her one outfit is missing.

'She was in my room?!…What is she planning to do with my nun outfit?' Rin thinks with a frown.

 

[Albedodragono]

I am kinda siblings vibes with Medea and kazuma. Medea being the big sis and kazuma the annoying but endearing little brother love it lmao.

 

[Forbix]

"Harder~." Kazuma and Medea say in a velvet tone, making Saber and Rin jump back with a blush in shock.

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Absolute CINEMA!
PEAK!
I don't know how else to describe it
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Keep up the good work

 

[You_]

Im starting to get the feeling that Saber would rather go back to being Shirous servent, then stay as the servent of Medea despite the fact that Shero wants Sabah dead

 

[alextheconqueror]

She actually had a nun outfit!? This is perfect XD
And she complains about Kazuma

 

[You_]

She actually had a nun outfit!? This is perfect XD
And she complains about Kazuma

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Probably a gift from Kirei, or she's just into that shit.

 

[alextheconqueror]

Probably a gift from Kirei, or she's just into that shit.

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The fact that she kept it while having a priest as a guardian says a lot of her

 

[Davos]

Despite her reservations and sheer annoyance at today, Rin doesn't confront Illya about the nun outfit.

'She's never alone, so I can't just outright ask or accuse her…But I really don't want to let her have free reign with that dress…' Rin goes outside after fixing her outfit and stops by Cu's house.

"…I was too angry to ask earlier, but why are you…Can't believe I'm asking this, but why are you in the dog house?"

"…There was a vote after an incident. It was 2 to 3 since I was excluded."

"Wait, how? There's only four possible votes without you."

"Archer voted in your stead. At least Sella and Leysritt are not happy with him."

Rin remains quiet a moment.

"What caused this vote?"

"…I don't think I should say."

===

"This is just a bikini!" Saber yells.

"It's not the most risqué option…I did talk Kazuma down from the more revealing options."

"It's not as bad as that Celtic style dress you were eyeballing."

"That was a work of art and you know it!"

"We can use rock paper scissors to decide which one she wears."

"You think I'll go for that after hearing how you won Rin's room that n-AGH!" Medea cries out when Saber tackles her to the ground, and a fight on the ground starts. Kazuma almost goes to help when he remembers two important things.

First is he has no chance in a hand to hand fight verses a servant.

The second is why in the world would he stop a cat fight?

Then he sees Saber raise an arm high, holding Rule Breaker and finally charges in, but is too late.

Saber stabs Medea with all her strength, eliciting a pained howl.

Then Saber stands up and turns to Kazuma, approaching while cracking her knuckles.

Then she stops when she hears Medea stand up, knife still in her chest.

Saber winces and looks at her hand before smiling.

On her hand are three Command Seals.

'Oh crap.' Medea and Kazuma think at the same time.

===


Gilgamesh sips wine, amused as Shirou looks over a dozen weapons from his treasury and makes a copy of each; Each one imperfect, hollow, but serviceable as a weapon.

Then Shirou grabs his head and Gilgamesh retracts the treasury.

"That is enough…You only activated your circuits this week. I am certain they are still getting used to-"Gilgamesh stops when Shirou creates two new blades; Two Chinese short swords of alternating black and white.

"What the Hell…?"

===

Rin stares at Illya, and Illya stares back.

"…Archer, why did you vote in my stead to put Lancer in a dog house?"

"We were tied, and who else should vote for you? Besides, it is fitting isn't it?" Archer asks with a smile.

"Well, since I am here, I will change my vote to allow him to stay in the house…and since we are voting on such matters, how about we have Ilya stay in the dog house?"

"Absolutely not!" Illya shouts.

"We should vote on it~."

"My maids will not vote to put me in the dog house!"

"But Cu will~." Rin says and Illya manages to pale on her already snowy skin.

"…Where is Sella?" Leysritt asks.

"She said she had to do something." Archer says.

"Either way, I am going to get Lancer for this vote~." Rin says and goes to the dog house, Illya following.

"W-wait Rin! Don't you think it is a bit much having me sleep outside?"

"After everything? No~!" Rin says as she opens the front door and nears the dog house.

It is empty.

"…Oh no…" Illya says.

"What?" Rin asks and Illya runs back inside. A moment later Rin finds her and Leysritt standing stone faced outside of the door to Archer's unused room.

He wanted one to make sure Cu got a lesser quality room.

"…That bastard…He would do that in my room!" Archer mutters.

"It's not like you use it…and doing what?" Rin asks before opening the door and gasping at the sight before her.

Cu sitting on the bed with Sella on her knees, hair free, hands on his lap…

Dressed like a skimpy nun.

"You bastard! At least do this in Illya's room!" Archer shouts, making Illya weakly slug him before turning to the maid and hound.

"And after breaking the third rule again!"

"You go girl." Leysritt says in monotone with a thumbs up, making Sella cover her face.

Rin grabs Illya by the scuff of her neck, lifting her into the air.

"So this is what you were planning with my nun outfit?!"

"This nun outfit is yours?!" Everyone but Illya asks in shock, making Rin freeze. Illya smiles the smuggest of smart ass grins.

"…No…I can't believe this was what you two were planning!" Rin says weakly.

"And Kirei is your guardian…Oh dear God Rin…" Archer says before going into spirit form.

Illya starts to giggle.
"…You have good taste Red?" Cu says before getting lightly jabbed by Sella.

"Sella wears it better than you ever could." Leysritt says, making Illya shake in laughter in Rin's grip.

Rin pivots and throws Illya into the wall, making a loli sized dent.

Illya groans from the ground as Rin stomps away, teary eyed and blushing.

Sella sighs and picks up Illya.

"You deserved that one…"

Illya groans in disagreement.

===

"I have the power now!" Saber shouts before being stabbed by Medea. They look at each other and see they both have command seals now.

"…How does this even work? I thought Servants got mana from their master?"

"They do…but it's called Rule Breaker for a reason, and I'm sure my being a Caster is the only reason this is-"

"By my Command Seal, You are not to force me to dress up anymore, Medea!"

"Noooooo!" Medea and Kazuma say at the same time as Saber smiles, breathing freely now.

Then Medea raises her hand.

"By my Command Seal, you are to try on anything Kazuma suggests!"

Saber screams again.

'…Not quite the back stabbing I expected to happen…' Kazuma thinks before pulling out another shopping bag.

===

"Welcome to the Gates of Heaven, where you'll-"

"It's me Shirou." Rin says and Shirou pauses a moment.

"Are you…here as yourself or as Magical-"

"Finish that name and I will lob a dozen mana infused explosive gems at your crotch!" Rin nearly shouts.

"…I mean, that's your name on this isn't it?"

"You call that a professional tone?" Gilgamesh asks.

"Oh God, Master's here~ No! I'm here with a request!" Rin says while shaking her head.

"It's Rin."

"Oh, I'll handle it from here." Gilgamesh says and Shirou hands the phone over.

"Keep Shirou on the line!"

After a raised eyebrow, Shirou answers the phone again.

"…So what does a brazen thing like you want?" Shirou says in his best voice.

"O-oh…~…" Rin squeaks before shaking her head.

"N-no! I want you to convince Kirei to take Illya and her maids into the church!"

"…No. Why would I take three spies here? And couldn't you have called the regular number for this?"

"I…dialed this number out of habit." Rin says.

"…You really are a depraved, hopeless woman."

"Don't sweet talk me!"

"I'm not." Shirou says and Rin bites her lips in a mix of anger and want, stopping her hand from trailing lower.

"Please, those three are driving me-" The line clicks.

"Press 1 to use the card on file, or 2 if you need to input an alternate card for payment."

Rin presses 1 and goes to sleep.

 

[alextheconqueror]

I already know who is the Darkness of this group, just with less boobs