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Suggested rewrite:
Trapdoor under the carpets? No. Harry looked at the statue of Priapus. No. Yes. He took a closer look. There were too many spells on the shrine to merely preserve it. He quickly looked the spells over. There were several curses on it, linked to… Ah!
Harry frowned. Usually...
And so, Scrimegour becomes Hermione's catspaw.
Even though Lucius ultimately went down for Blood Magic, Hermione can take comfort in the fact that Night Nargles are the ones who pushed him into making use of it. Also, I bet Draco is really glad now that he hasn't gotten around to breaking up...
I found it jarring. This seems to me like something that works better on film than in prose.
Doesn't come through, IMO, especially since the other elements of house-elf pidgin aren't used.
"For releasing me from that fiendish feline's most insidious trap, you have my thanks, loyal servant!" pronounced Sirius pompously as he rubbed pins and needles out of his limbs. Hermione had been particularly vicious with her pranks that week.
Edits:
These scene breaks don't actually break...
Not feline very scared. Agent B will be stuck in pet quarantine for 10 days, which gives me plenty of time to fortify my catamaran with catnip and spray bottles.
A catastrophe, as Harry furst discovers the truth! Hermione's skills are not up to scratch, she has left a tail, and was given away by her cattitude! Will she pull off another purrfect escape, or will she find herself on a catafalque, or in the Azkaban catacomb? It'll be a claws thing.
Let the...
Fearless Feline Filibuster Filches Files, Furniture, Fakes Fiendfyre, Fries Foul Fiend's Frightening Fleas for Fuzz, Flees
More suggestions than usual:
This one sounds like it's about distance, so I think it's "farther".
Flows better, I think.
Posh word like "whereupon" feels out of place...