Questionable Questing

Andy333

Fortunately Miss Robin's here to train him and make him strong, just listen to everything she has to say and don't ask any questions. The reader's really chose a great time to pick him. He's pretty much willing to do anything at this point.

Andy333

And since its been awhile lets do Hazbin.

Bob is bob

So your going for sympathetic and want to protect the wobbie Minate for audience reaction? And yeah, that first chapter for Hazbin wasn't great. Still want to do Lucifer focused story?

Andy333

Not totally wobbiefied, but I want to show while he is a pervert and a bit of weirdo, there's a reason he's at this hero school and not just to act as an unfunny gag character. Plus seeing Robin emotionally manipulate someone desperate is also a good way to show that yes she really is a villain. Can't let the audience get too comfortable, you know?

Andy333

And with Hazbin I wanted it to be a shifting view point between Lucifer, Lilith, and Charlie with the occasionally interlude of other character's. So we can see the MC's moves and plots from other viewpoints and get some juicy background information and world building.

Andy333

Going to get some ice cream be back soon.

Bob is bob

How that going

Andy333

Currently eating a pumpkin pie seasonal flavor. Pretty decent, very cinnamony

Bob is bob

Nice. Hazbin, Lucifer's character introduction and how he's written can use work. More devil needed

Andy333

It doesn't necessarily need more action, but its need more movement. its so stuck in his head we barely get anything outside and for a the intro for a story it was a way too flat. It started out as a snippet, and it should've had some more work and probably been in the middle rather than as the intro.

Bob is bob

More movement and Lucifer needs more character outside of Charlie and more King of Hell personality

Andy333

It's why I'm glad Invincible has the threat of the Flaxens to open up to, instead of slowly building up towards vague threats and character drama like Hazbin. Some immediate violence and action to pull people in and keep the stakes high.

Bob is bob

I did have the idea of start on the Hotel being invaded by Adam and Charlie being injured trying to protect the residents there and surrounding demons. Turning her into a martyr figure. That goes with the in general increase of importance of Charlie's character being a fucking princess and daughter of the two god king and queen of Hell.

Andy333

I don't like the idea of Adam getting introduced right at the start since he's the main villain for at least the beginning of the story, but I do think an angel raid or a few of his rougher riders getting broken off from the main force could work pretty well.

Bob is bob

That I like. I like a lot and Lucifer needs more to him then just his love for Charlie as it felt shallow and forced in the first chapter you made.

Andy333

yeah, I wanted it to feel like he was overcompensating and overly attached but I went to far with it and made it feel fake.

Bob is bob

Focus in on him and give him more then ducks. I both liked the ducks and fucking hate how it flanderized him in the show

Andy333

I like how they can be used to symbolize his detachment and apathy caused by his depression, but like you said its also incredibly one note and they default to it too much.

Bob is bob

Very. Lucifer running a major circus of orgies and corruption in Hell for the last couple eternity?

Andy333

I don't see him organizing full blown orgies since he's too loyal to Lilith. But some of the rare times he goes to her balls and parties, I could totally see the two making a game to seduce as many woman, specifically choosing girls who either don't want to be their or are angry to make it extra difficult, as they can and then sharing their conquest together in one giant party.