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But I also feel like once you get out of the prologue and get some real fights again rather than passing mentions, we'll probably see some of that edge and bloody guts return.
I got to that point, and again it was edgy but it wasn't as edgy as it once was. I blame the lack of details. During fights you would see the blood, guts, and gore in some pretty vivid details, all of which Hurrik narrated with zero emotion so it felt like he could go full on Bolton flaying and...
Hurrik was an edgy boy. A lot angrier, a lot more vicious. A lot more outwardly confrontational. Don't know if it's from the switch to NSFW to SFW. If it's the removal from the inherent edginess of ASOIAF. Or what. But there's a definite change in the characters.
I am, something pretty noticeable right off the back is that Semens. Lol. I'm sorry I couldn't help myself. I'm so childish sometimes. Seamus is a lot less rough around the edges than Hurrik. I mean he still has that need to prove himself, a bit of an ego, and will shank some people if need be...
This phenomenal cosmic being floated in front of me like a nightmare come to life. The blue smoke roiled with anger. The evil eyes blazed with gleefully malicious hatred, so high up, I had to crane my neck back. Everything about the being screamed danger.
A slightly feminine mouth formed...
Kai had no idea that he and his dungeon were already having an effect on the wider world…
Anna
Anna sat at the simple kitchen table, the wood worn by age and countless meals, decorated with scratches and chips left by hard use and children, and the finish had long gone after being...
I am a big fan of Circle K.
Not so much for anything they sell, though the three dollar hot dog meal is pretty tight, but for the stuff you get free with a purchase. Like the hot dog boats, plastic forks, spoons, and knives, and the crushed red pepper.
The crushed red pepper is vital.
I’ve...
Hey, are you still writing "The Royal Husband", or have you been burnt from it? (As in, the complaints got to be too much, and you no longer want to write it.)
ARWIN
The skeleton mulled the issue over. "Well, you did help me out. And you aren't going to last very long in Heartstone on your own. It's a dangerous place."
Arwin exclaimed, "Don't I know it! Dude, I met a blue screen of death!"
The skeleton sighed. "I suppose I could lend you a hand."...
Very interesting start, but a lot seems to happen in the second chapter with the protagonist seemingly just having knowledge he doesn't demonstrate a mechanism for knowing.
Of course if you're writing a story heavily focused around time fuckery a lot can be excused, but overall things feel kinda...
...as most Imperial prisons in canon or legends given it is actually aimed at rehabilitation without the use drugs and mind control devices. The Pit *dramatic sting plays* is more for appearance's sake so the rest of the Empire doesn't accuse Las of being soft on lawbreakers.
Crossposted on SB...