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Capitalization, grammar, using slang language and inconsistent paragraphing.
Use Docs to fix these things. It has an Auto correct function that'll help you.
Anyway, this is an interesting premises. I'll watch for more. But Tattletale is in the tags, I'm more wary of this fic now. But I'll...
Nothing. How can they have a frame of reference to compare to, then? If the world is an illusion, then I, who can't perceive it then is real to me. Illusion only is an illusion if you can see right through it, if you can't then it's real as anything else.
Okay. I'm not reading that. WAll text syndrome. Try separating your paragraphs, man. It just looks like one big paragraph. And I'm not getting cross eyed to read that. My eyes even hurt.
There's no such thing as 'free' in the world. Even if Jaune tells them that he doesn't want any reward, the Faunus will feel indebt and do anything to 'pay' back the favor. Even if the Faunus themselves don't intent it to do so. Subconsciousness is a bitch.
Regardless, the Faunus aren't the...
There's a reason why Gods
(Either in Damnachi or Irl) don't solve the problems of their followers or of the world. It would've been convenient. The people will loose motivation, their sense of self and be in Apathy. They will fade in obscurity and everyone will forget about them.
Also, when...
She has a point. But that spoiler is uncalled for, lol. Kidding:V but warn me next time if you wanna spoil.
Jaune gotta smash that rose flower. If you catch my drift... Xxx :V
The fact that they trying to win Jaune like he's some sort of product or property fill me with distaste. Now, I hope he rejects their advances by pure spite.
They're greedy little brats with nothing but a chip on their shoulders. The least they can do is ask. But nooo.
Don't they think what...
I do not like this. Nope, not one bit. The emasculation aside( I'm not big on 'Manly' things but this is..)
Regardless, I shall watch this for now. Only because the story is that good. The quality is *chef's kiss*. Hope you update soon
Was this AI assisted? The cold machine words says so. I propose editing the initial parts. There's a lot more of show than tell in the present moment. The words are.... To deep to read normally, which makes them awkward.
Nevertheless, Awesome Piece. I've never really watched/Played Bloodborne...
One of my pet peeves as a reader is that when a new guy comes in town, everyone and their mother be friendly to them. I mean, Mia just slapped a 7 feet hyena with no fear! —And I'm noticing how Damnachi author's make Mia as a God fearing person. Please, please no— I mean, people are still...
You busy saying he sad. His brain was/is rewired, non? It is possible that he doesn't think like a human at this point. You can't stare at reality in the face and come out fine. His perspective is distorted and warped. Perhaps....