Queen of Instant Death

[Nephthys8079]

Thanks for the chapter~
I'm really liking this so far.
It's weird that the PRT had their Deputy-director at her school the day after when, while there were certainly signs, it wasn't particularly obvious it was Taylor, especially with how they usually don't just show up like that to see a Cape's civilian identity, but I guess it could be excused as them being a bit too spooked at how Lung died so quickly to an unknown.

On other notes, Taylor is really going down the deep end, likely reinforced by her power seemingly trivialising the worth of life in her mind.
I'd love to see more of it, and people's reactions when she inevitably kills an Endbringer in an instant (The Simurgh should be in 1 month, assuming that doesn't change because of her).

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Yea I kinda fucked up the timeline for this so just like everything else it's on the hiatus list til I get to fixing it but it's 2nd up so it's not far off

 

[CrazyDarkstar23]

While it's a great concept, I didn't really like the latest chapter all too much.

Marking a perspective change as an interlude chapter, with or without the actual characters name dropped, would be better imo.

I did find that the ignoring of gladlys death kinda a big deal, sure it would be overshadowed in a news standpoint but the way and the when he died is a pretty big red flag.

Coil is either being a genuine mastermind or very off the mark.

The prt is really dropping the ball xD. I can't even say it's that far off canon based on my memories, even with all the fanon infecting my mind.

 

[Nephthys8079]

While it's a great concept, I didn't really like the latest chapter all too much.

Marking a perspective change as an interlude chapter, with or without the actual characters name dropped, would be better imo.

I did find that the ignoring of gladlys death kinda a big deal, sure it would be overshadowed in a news standpoint but the way and the when he died is a pretty big red flag.

Coil is either being a genuine mastermind or very off the mark.

The prt is really dropping the ball xD. I can't even say it's that far off canon based on my memories, even with all the fanon infecting my mind.

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Yea it's part of why it's gonna get a rewrite

 

[MythicalFanficGod]

Yea I kinda fucked up the timeline for this so just like everything else it's on the hiatus list til I get to fixing it but it's 2nd up so it's not far off

Click to shrink...

Yea it's part of why it's gonna get a rewrite

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I feel like it's not too bad to read, but I feel like you've somewhat written yourself into a corner with a combination of how Taylor's now changed personality, combined with her relationship with the protectorate and how they are hunting her down while she hasn't even slightly established herself, makes it hard for me to see how this could develop outside of her changing her identity / hiding away, or going on a warpath.

Spoiler: Suggestions

If this was to be fully rewritten, I feel that Taylor having a little more restraint (like how she held back from harming her bullies in canon, if only barely, for about 4 months after the locker), yet not outright letting them walk over her would be better.

Kind of like how it went in this story, only instead of how Taylor:
Killed Gladly and proceed to run down the street killing animals like a maniac before killing Lung, only to get found out the next day.

Instead, I think having her start with the more esoteric uses like how Takatou Yogiri did later on, such as killing her momentum, killing bullets, or even killing her limits to allow herself to grow stronger to Brute levels, possibly killing bugs or not doing so before not using that, and perhaps (depending on if she knew she could kill people at the time or not) kill Lung when she goes out in fear, either knowingly or not.
After that, whether she decides to use it again, hide the power in fear, or hold it as a last-resort, a trump card to be used in the most dire situations - it really depends on how you'd have her personality change from this.

Perhaps she'd kill one or multiple S-class threats, possibly including an Endbringer pre-emptively or during one of their attacks for the latter case from a distance, or she shows up in person to do the act - it depends on whether you'd like her to hide her power or not.

 

[Nephthys8079]

I feel like it's not too bad to read, but I feel like you've somewhat written yourself into a corner with a combination of how Taylor's now changed personality, combined with her relationship with the protectorate and how they are hunting her down while she hasn't even slightly established herself, makes it hard for me to see how this could develop outside of her changing her identity / hiding away, or going on a warpath.

Spoiler: Suggestions

If this was to be fully rewritten, I feel that Taylor having a little more restraint (like how she held back from harming her bullies in canon, if only barely, for about 4 months after the locker), yet not outright letting them walk over her would be better.

Kind of like how it went in this story, only instead of how Taylor:
Killed Gladly and proceed to run down the street killing animals like a maniac before killing Lung, only to get found out the next day.

Instead, I think having her start with the more esoteric uses like how Takatou Yogiri did later on, such as killing her momentum, killing bullets, or even killing her limits to allow herself to grow stronger to Brute levels, possibly killing bugs or not doing so before not using that, and perhaps (depending on if she knew she could kill people at the time or not) kill Lung when she goes out in fear, either knowingly or not.
After that, whether she decides to use it again, hide the power in fear, or hold it as a last-resort, a trump card to be used in the most dire situations - it really depends on how you'd have her personality change from this.

Perhaps she'd kill one or multiple S-class threats, possibly including an Endbringer pre-emptively or during one of their attacks for the latter case from a distance, or she shows up in person to do the act - it depends on whether you'd like her to hide her power or not.

Click to shrink...

...and imma save those for later that's what I should have did instead of wanting to go she starts at the first seal(since there would be no one to actually place the seals on her) it would play out more like a high tier energy/power nullification power

 

[Godfire]

This is excellent, tbh. And it would've been more excellent without the AI favor. Ngl, it ruins the immersion and the narrative. Some of the analogies doesn't even make sense. Like that one of Armaster standing like a hanged jacket that forgot its personality. No one talks like this. Wel... no one i know of. Its clear that some of the readers dont mind the AI flavor, but its bothering me because it doesn't make sense.

another is,

twenty-eight feet straight down, landed softer than a promise

Click to shrink...

This one is more of a meh but softer than a promise? Really?

You couldve made the AI to just correct your grammar without rewriting your story.

All in all, it's an excellent fic. Your readers seemed to like it. I would've too but the AI flavor bothers me more than I can ignore it.

 

[Nephthys8079]

This is excellent, tbh. And it would've been more excellent without the AI favor. Ngl, it ruins the immersion and the narrative. Some of the analogies doesn't even make sense. Like that one of Armaster standing like a hanged jacket that forgot its personality. No one talks like this. Wel... no one i know of. Its clear that some of the readers dont mind the AI flavor, but its bothering me because it doesn't make sense.

another is,

This one is more of a meh but softer than a promise? Really?

You couldve made the AI to just correct your grammar without rewriting your story.

All in all, it's an excellent fic. Your readers seemed to like it. I would've too but the AI flavor bothers me more than I can ignore it.

Click to shrink...

Yea I never really noticed that it was changing stuff for awhile I'm trying to get it to stop doing that by constantly reposting and telling it never change what I input at all expect for bad or incorrect grammer