Över floden (Swedish SI)

[Monarchist Guy]

It had been Eleven years and twenty days, and I still could not get over my boredom. Their was no television, hell, you can't read fiction because most of them are utter trash heaps, Playing outside was un-dignitary, and playing a prank? better to not go near that. Music was a bore, with really only Piano and Orchestra being the main pick ups. It was a harsh life, and coming to the point where It's not dreadfully obvious I'm different than the other kids here was hard, I don't think that if I was suddenly born smart that they would kill me... well, probably kill me accidentally, I can see them calling an exorcist. Besides that my daily life here was simply, wake up, bath, eat, study, exercise sleep and repeat.

Ahh, you don't know who I am? Well, my name is Haakon. Crown Prince Haakon Akershus François Bernadotte, Second son of King Charles Ludvig Eugen Bernadotte. Originally I was a simply prince, a second son, the younger twin of the Crown Prince. Sadly that was not to be as my elder brother died of Pneumonia as a child. It was saddening, we both enjoyed playing with this toy soldier... I still have it on my desk. I and my dearly departed brother were born on December 14th, 1852, it was a chilly afternoon, my father would always say. I was born a Prince of Sweden, I would have anything I would ever want! unless that was the one thing I couldn't have, my past. For you see, I was no ordinary baby. I was once an American named Henry Gerald. I lived in the south, and growing up I always found Democracy distasteful. what was stopping an elected official from using the position for his own gain? Africa, a continent mostly covered in democracies was the poorest place on earth. Why? People would grab up as much as possible and give it to their tribe, oppress the other tribes, and all around screw things over until a civil war occurred.

I found myself turning away from the practices taught and enforced in school, instead I rallied behind The Monarchist Movement, a philosophy based around the establishment of a Monarchy. The people were easy going, not seeking power for themselves, only the benefit of the people! And that is where everything went wrong. We had decided to hold a march, a protest. We were going to protest until people took notice of us, and boy did they take notice of us. we held our signs, didn't block traffic, and followed every law we could, and what did that get us? People came to Washington for it, but not for our side, no... they had far more sinister dealings. Rocks were thrown, eventually one of the communist threw a Molotov at a large crowd of Monarchist, and that lit the fuse. Many threw down their signs, intent on chasing them away, but what we hadn't suspected was for the police to show up.

The Administration under the former president wouldn't had done what it had done to us. Live Ammo was used, half the crowd was gunned down, and the rest arrested. I was one of the unlucky few. The things the media said about the movement, the lies... The Communist were painted as heroes, and we the evil enemy. I had killed two protestors while defending my good friend Dillan, helping him escape, and through that, I was given the death penalty. Last news I got through on a news paper was that many of the Monarchist simply fled, plenty of which joined the 'imperial militia', and had sailed to Havana, where the siege was apparently being led by my old friend. I chose Lethal Injection, and two years after my arrest, I died.

I expected to not breath again, imagine my surprise waking up a sprawling and bawling mess. Yeah, fair to say that I'm surprised I'm even still alive, Victorian era medical practices were shit to say the least. My brother is clear proof of which.

As I was saying, I had to lay low if I wanted to live, not be too smart, but just enough, and it worked. While father thought I was just an average boy, I had already begun a espionage agency. I started at nine years old, a few homeless people were used to start it. It was hard at first, but it slowly got better with time. The best part is none of them have met me, only communicating through letters addressing me as 'kaliburn'. I started with criminal organizations, but slowly I've built up to the point that I have a öra in all of Sweden-Norway. I've even gotten some spies into the Danish, Russian and English militaries. Though they were caught quite easily, they never spoke, they took their pills.

Today, January 3rd, 1865, I was unveiling something I believed wonderful, fanatically so. No longer would my legs chafe on horse back! No longer would I have to spend hours travelling a few miles! I had finally finished an Internal Combustion Engine a month ago, and with that I had the chance to build a car! I had chosen to base the engine off of the one I knew best, so it was a decent enough version of a 6.4L Hemi V8 to not be a bastardised version, but it was most certainly cutting corners. As for the Car, I had two of them already built. The first one was made for luxury, looking like a 1940 Horch 853A Sportroadster. It was a beauty, and with the leather and the air conditioner, it was a proper vehicle. though the AC needed water and ice to work, and had to be refilled by hand, it was pleasant enough. It worked fine, and although the tires, which were made of wood. needed to be replaced often, but cheap. Rubber was much to hard to get right as of late. forget turning it into tires, I'll have to sponsor the venture in the future. The 'Löpare' cost 5000 riksdaler.

The next vehicle was designed after a Volkswagen Beatle, and was as safe as could be. hell it even had a full on roll cage! I'd say the only danger is being getting hit by a train. It had a top speed of 80 miles per hour, 69 if you pack all five seats. It was a fine vehicle, even if it didn't have the leather seats, it was the safest option. I mean, how can you hate a car with a sun roof? the 'Barnvagnar' cost 1000 riksdaler, but for families below the poverty line, a deal of 50 riksdaler a month can be made, zero interest attached! And through all of this, my name won't be behind any of this! I have the son of a former butler of mine running the show, it would look as if I was simply sponsoring the vehicle, telling the rich and wealthy what a oh so wonderful alternative this is! I've even got plans for a few military vehicles, but that would need to wait until a few of my other 'get rich quick' schemes come to fruition.

time was of the essence, and the bells were tolling, show time had come.

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Sorry about the ending seeming rushed. im tired and have work tomorrow. see you in the morning. or not, im too tired to care.

Peace, love sex and rock and roll my dudes. I'll explain more about his character in he morning.

 

[mossconfig]

Man, my expectations were low when I heard there was no porn, lower still when I saw your name, and you still managed to slink under the bar.

 

[Vagabond]

Man, my expectations were low when I heard there was no porn, lower still when I saw your name, and you still managed to slink under the bar.

Click to shrink...

Ya gotta explain, mate.

 

[Andrei_Sokolov]

Posting here every author pays tax. Porn tax. You can delay it for appropriate moment later, you can mention it very briefly, but you never ban it from the beginning. What is the NSFW element then? There are more forums in the internet for this. Maybe SV Weird History threads?

Also I don't bother read the story if author makes poll for first 1k words and asking:
"Are you enjoying this series?"

It is just too little to develop opinion about

 

[Andrei_Sokolov]

Why did you skip all important for Sweden wars in 1700-1850's? I can't see your turning point to be op Sweden. Are you going to shine in ww1?

 

[Coily boi]

So...
1. Use of the wrong words. 'un-dignitary' is not a thing. And they're everywhere. Like, every single sentence.
2. Having your 'self insert' invent cars when you, as a person, clearly have no idea how to invent cars.
3. 'Real' politics. Admittedly the 'monarchist movement' is fictional, but applying it to the real world? And 'then we were all killed which would never have happened under the previous president'? Poor form there.
4. straight from horse-riding to modern car. That's not how inventing works. Sure, the first 'car' was in 1885, though it was more an elaborate tricycle with an engine. But straight to leather interior and air conditioning and looking like this one specific modern day car? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware your protagonist was a twilight caste.
5. If there's no porn why is it in NSFW?
6. You forgot to threadmark your one chapter.
7. Putting a poll up on if the 'series' is good when it consists of one short chapter isn't going to win you any points.
8. Self inserts are generally into fictional settings. You know, not like Sweden. Though this one is more of a personal gripe.

 

[d.fish]

I actually don't care about the lack of porn, especially in the initial chapter. There's no hurrying these things, like a good edging.

Instead, I see the random capitalization on words and then the lack of capitalization in other places (reminds me of something Lungs wrote ten years ago, but to be fair to him, even then it was never like this).

Here for the historical, but couldn't even get through the giant blocks of text. So, maybe you don't know, but if you have a stream of consciousness type of storytelling, you don't really want to have big blocks of text making it difficult to follow. You jumped everywhere and there's no flow.

You establish a background and a main character, but there's no real "where". Like for example, you talk a date, but there's nothing really happening "on screen". It feels like we're reading a prologue to a movie, without any scenes actually playing. This makes it really dull to read. That might be excused because this is a first chapter setting things up, but nothing is really set up, I'm constantly left with a "How???".

I feel like if I had gone through with a fine comb to talk about the details of what you could change, it would read too much like I'm trying to backseat writer or nitpick. And honestly, this just doesn't warrant that kind of effort.

Ya gotta explain, mate.

Click to shrink...

Like, at this point, I want to say you have a point, but I also want to disagree because of what is being shown. Maybe there's an exception to everything, that sort of thing. But that's kind of mean.

Guess I'm just sad that another historical work isn't going anywhere.

 

[painslayer]

I think that you just rushed with the cars, you could also go in depth with the spy network. Like how you got the idea and how you started it in detail.
Though this has potential just take it easy.

 

[ArsMagna1337]

Why is there a candle stick option? Is it going to be the SI's weapon? Why does it exist to hold candles or why is there a candle-made stick?

 

[Monarchist Guy]

Why did you skip all important for Sweden wars in 1700-1850's? I can't see your turning point to be op Sweden. Are you going to shine in ww1?

Click to shrink...

yup. I skipped it all because he's still a kid. he would have zero effect on any wars.

 

[Monarchist Guy]

Why is there a candle stick option? Is it going to be the SI's weapon? Why does it exist to hold candles or why is there a candle-made stick?

Click to shrink...

because candle stick.

 

[Monarchist Guy]

I think that you just rushed with the cars, you could also go in depth with the spy network. Like how you got the idea and how you started it in detail.
Though this has potential just take it easy.

Click to shrink...

A Internal Combustion Engine is fairly easy to make, as long as you know what you're doing. If I had someone who could cast metal for me I could build one, it would simply take a long ass while.

I plan on a flashback on chapter 3-4ish on the Spy network.

 

[Monarchist Guy]

I actually don't care about the lack of porn, especially in the initial chapter. There's no hurrying these things, like a good edging.

Instead, I see the random capitalization on words and then the lack of capitalization in other places (reminds me of something Lungs wrote ten years ago, but to be fair to him, even then it was never like this).

Here for the historical, but couldn't even get through the giant blocks of text. So, maybe you don't know, but if you have a stream of consciousness type of storytelling, you don't really want to have big blocks of text making it difficult to follow. You jumped everywhere and there's no flow.

You establish a background and a main character, but there's no real "where". Like for example, you talk a date, but there's nothing really happening "on screen". It feels like we're reading a prologue to a movie, without any scenes actually playing. This makes it really dull to read. That might be excused because this is a first chapter setting things up, but nothing is really set up, I'm constantly left with a "How???".

I feel like if I had gone through with a fine comb to talk about the details of what you could change, it would read too much like I'm trying to backseat writer or nitpick. And honestly, this just doesn't warrant that kind of effort.



Like, at this point, I want to say you have a point, but I also want to disagree because of what is being shown. Maybe there's an exception to everything, that sort of thing. But that's kind of mean.

Guess I'm just sad that another historical work isn't going anywhere.

Click to shrink...

Mostly this chapter's a giant ass prologue explaining the past, as I hate having to write a chapter with no action. All the things in this chapter get explained, a few flashback chapters are planned, the giant blocks and random capitalization are from me being tired af as I started writing this around 1-2 pm and wrote for five minutes before having to leave, then came back to it at 11 pm and continued writing in a sluggish state to 2pm. Hell I didn't bother rereading the stoy I just pasted out.

 

[Monarchist Guy]

So...
1. Use of the wrong words. 'un-dignitary' is not a thing. And they're everywhere. Like, every single sentence.
2. Having your 'self insert' invent cars when you, as a person, clearly have no idea how to invent cars.
3. 'Real' politics. Admittedly the 'monarchist movement' is fictional, but applying it to the real world? And 'then we were all killed which would never have happened under the previous president'? Poor form there.
4. straight from horse-riding to modern car. That's not how inventing works. Sure, the first 'car' was in 1885, though it was more an elaborate tricycle with an engine. But straight to leather interior and air conditioning and looking like this one specific modern day car? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware your protagonist was a twilight caste.
5. If there's no porn why is it in NSFW?
6. You forgot to threadmark your one chapter.
7. Putting a poll up on if the 'series' is good when it consists of one short chapter isn't going to win you any points.
8. Self inserts are generally into fictional settings. You know, not like Sweden. Though this one is more of a personal gripe.

Click to shrink...

1. I was tired, established that already.
2. I have a car, work on it alot. I installed a new air intake a few days ago. Know my hellcat in and out.
3. Im setting up a background, which will be explored in the future. The Monarchist Movement is not fictional. I myself have taken part in some rallies in the states. There just hasn't been an established Monarchist Party.
4. Im a car enthusiast. When you know something in and out you kind of just know. it's fairly proper to assume that you have a skill that you're good at, it's second nature to you, you don't need to think about it, you just do it.
5. This story is going to be brutal on the side of war. fairly gruesome death in the later chapters. SI will be on the front lines of it all.
6.Tired. I passed out after publishing.
7. I posted that for the entire thing. When I'm at chapter 35 for example, it will still be going. it's just to track the entire series as it runs.
8. Have you never real 'But I don't speak German!' or 'An American in Berlin'? Those are the fairly popular one's right now. 'But I don't speak German!' is the literal GO TO on the subject. Amazing story overall and recommend reading.

 

[Monarchist Guy]

Posting here every author pays tax. Porn tax. You can delay it for appropriate moment later, you can mention it very briefly, but you never ban it from the beginning. What is the NSFW element then? There are more forums in the internet for this. Maybe SV Weird History threads?

Also I don't bother read the story if author makes poll for first 1k words and asking:
"Are you enjoying this series?"

It is just too little to develop opinion about

Click to shrink...

I posted the poll to go through the entire thing. I'm honestly too forgetful to be trusted with posting it at a later date. so I'm gonna have it run throughout this one.

 

[Monarchist Guy]

Man, my expectations were low when I heard there was no porn, lower still when I saw your name, and you still managed to slink under the bar.

Click to shrink...

Ahh, one of those atheist fanatics from a story of mine where they complained about him being religious! slink off will you? You never had to come here.

 

[Monarchist Guy]

Imperial Exposition, Visby, Gotland, 1865 January 3rd.
In the year 1865, on the island of Gotland, the first Imperial Exposition (first named the Visby Expo later renamed) occurred in the city of Visby (later moved to Karlstad after the events of ___) . It was funded and founded by Prince Prince Haakon, Duke of Gotland, the son of King Charles XV. Many of the inventions of the first expo were considered plain and useless, many simply were copies of other inventions. However, there was one Invention that stood out, that being the invention of the Automobile. It was a fascinating creation made by Alvin Frisk, who would later go on to lead the Friskmobile Company, one of the largest automobile industries in North Europe and still having a holding in most developed nations.
(__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)

"Ladies and Gentlemen! If you would please direct your attention to center stage, The Royal Prince Haakon, Duke of Gotland has a few things he would like to announce." a voice erupted from the parapets above. All eyes soon found themselves on I and Alvin. I nudged Alvin, who was seemingly Star Struck, as he began his speech.

"For millennia we have ridden atop horses. We have cared for them, and in turn they take us place to place, city to city. However the main issue with horseback travel is that they are simply too slow, and tire after constant movement, demanding to stop every once in a while. In more recent years we have begun riding trains, but they simply lack the privacy for a family, and you simply cannot ride to any location, instead having to stop at a designated rail station. So what could someone invent to fix this problem? I have the solution! the Automobile!" The curtains behind us pulled apart, revealing the Löpare and the Barnvagnar. They were beautiful and shiny, the Löpare itself had a gleam to it. I'm so going to take this damned thing for a spin when I have the chance.

"Running off of Kerosene, these two designed for optimal travel! The Löpare, the car on the right was designed for Luxury travel! With a roof that can be moved up and down, and seats made of the best of leather, it is fit for a royal, our royal prince can concede!" He said, as I nodded. "It is a smooth ride, and comfortable as well."

"The next vehicle, the Barnvagnar! Designed for the family, it can fit up to five people comfortably within. While not the most luxurious of the two, It is a sturdy family car that can take you all over, and designed to be affordable, costing one thousand riksdaler, however for those who cannot afford one can apply for a monthly payment of 50 riksdaler a month." Alvin said, before bowing. I began clapping, and soon enough the entire crowd joined in, ahh, what a time to be alive. Quite nothing could put me down!

(__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)__)

*Smack*

My fathers back hand slapped across my cheek. It wasn't hard, simply enough to sting. "I'm disappointed in you Haakon." father said, his face holding a steely glare, his frown was ever apparent, even through the dark curls of his beard.

"We told you that if you were to go to Gotland for the week, you would stay within the manor your mother and I bought. Instead you ran off from your care takers, went to an Exposition that you have been funding through your allowance, and somehow now have a stake in an invention that is quite plainly brilliant by design. If I wasn't so angered son, I would be proud." father said once again. Shaking his head he moved towards his desk, pouring himself a glass of wine. T'was his favorite drink after all.

"I and you mother have been discussing it, but perhaps it is time that you start to learn more than just the simple lessons, perhaps it is time that you go to learn Adjutant Nordlander. He's agreed to have you learn under him as an understudy. He will teach you warfare and in turn you shall serve him as a page would. Hopefully he can straighten you out to be less rambunctious." father said, as he shooed me out his office doors, but not before hugging me, obviously.

(__)__)__)__)__)

A normal Engine cannot run off of Kerosene, so you need a Kerosene burner below the fuel pan to keep the kerosene hot, to ensure combustion runs smoothly. Otherwise you would simply end up not starting the car, or even worse, blowing up like a nice sparkler on the fourth of July. Any questions and or concerns about the story will be answered, as long as you aren't one of those people who got mad at me for having a religious character I'm fine with anything. If you will excuse me, I have to go plot the next few chapters, maybe include making fun of you horny fucks. toodles!

 

[Senju Mekkyuka]

Good start to the story. I can't wait for more, do you plan to post it on Alternativehistory? They will probably be able to give you a lot of good advice for this time.

 

[Grimmouse197]

Hopefully he can straighten you out to be less rambunctious.

Click to shrink...

My goodness he is a ignorant ass ........he has nobloody clue

 

[TotalAbsolutism]

Ahh, one of those atheist fanatics from a story of mine where they complained about him being religious! slink off will you? You never had to come here.

Click to shrink...

You have been explicitly warned against doing exactly this in the past. So I'm going to give you a few days off from QQ so you can reread the rules, and your last warning, and consider whether or not this is something you want to keep doing.

 

[TotalAbsolutism]

Man, my expectations were low when I heard there was no porn, lower still when I saw your name, and you still managed to slink under the bar.

Click to shrink...

My goodness he is a ignorant ass ........he has nobloody clue

Click to shrink...

Following on from my prior note, you two. This is not acceptable behaviour on QQ either. If you think a story has problems then you're not only allowed but encouraged to point them out to the author so long as you can do so with at least a modicum of civility. Coming into the thread solely to insult them, however, especially when you've admitted yourself to recognising the author and, thus, knowing ahead of time what you're in for? No.

Don't do it again.

 

[Grimmouse197]

Following on from my prior note, you two. This is not acceptable behaviour on QQ either. If you think a story has problems then you're not only allowed but encouraged to point them out to the author so long as you can do so with at least a modicum of civility. Coming into the thread solely to insult them, however, especially when you've admitted yourself to recognising the author and, thus, knowing ahead of time what you're in for? No.

Don't do it again.

Click to shrink...

I was referring to the character's father not the author......I have no Idea how that got twisted around like that
Hell I even quoted the father *shrugs* we all make mistakes sometimes

 

[ATP]

What your SI could do -
1.colonies - Congo,and Mapuche and indians from current Argentina was srill free.Considering that Mapuche in OTL was robbed of their land and Argentina genocided practically all indians,making colonies there would save them.
2.Planes - if you could made car,you could made biplane,too.
3.Guns - AK47 and PKM are easier to made then Mauser rifle or Maxim HMG.
4.Navy - made real battleship,wait till other navies built dozen of them,built drednought,wait again,and then built superdrednought.You basically bancrupted other navies in 20-30 years.

 

[duburu]

Man, my expectations were low when I heard there was no porn, lower still when I saw your name, and you still managed to slink under the bar.

Click to shrink...

Who goes into a SFW creative and expect porn?
Unless this was originally in the NSFW section.

But nice story, hopefully it like the other SI like Vagabond

 

[TotalAbsolutism]

Who goes into a SFW creative and expect porn?
Unless this was originally in the NSFW section.

Click to shrink...

It was. I moved it due to the lack of porn.