A Love to Start a War (Class of '09/Infinite Stratos)

[Andromeda Nuthead]

Warning: Due to this fanfic being a crossover involving Class of '09, heavy themes like drug abuse, bullying, gender abuse (both misogynist and misandrist), abuse of authority, pedophilia, terrorism, and other related issues will be mentioned and constantly made fun of.

Class of '09 belongs to SBN3. Infinite Stratos belongs to Izuru Yumizuru.

---

Prologue: A Girl and Her Portable Nuke.

So, where should I start this...? Right!

Once upon a time, there was this crazy scientist bitch from Japan who watched too much Gundam or whatever the Transformers were called there. She tried to present her ideas to the egghead community; the biggest among them was the Infinite Stratos. An individual suit that worked for both astronaut shit and battle suit at the same time. Awesome, right?

Well, the eggheads told her her idea was retarded and told her to fuck off and never return. Gotta hand it to the bitch; she didn't give up. She simply went to her lab and improved her portable nuke for when the time was right.

Then one morning, some crazy fuckhead managed to somehow hack every single ICBM and nuke across the world and sent them to destroy Japan, probably because of the tentacle porn or some shit. But just when the apocalyptic load would erase anime forever, a genuine robot came out of nowhere and destroyed every single missile landing on target, not even radioactive crap. The White Knight, on its own, single-handedly saved Japan from a nuclear apocalypse.

You couldn't make that shit up unless you were Japanese and/or on drugs.

So how do the governments of the world thank the pilot? By hunting her down like a dog. Needless to say, they failed horribly. Their only silver lining was that nobody died in the manhunt, which only made the military even more scared.

Then suddenly, the scientist from before hacked the main news and took credit for creating the White Knight, which was actually the prototype of the Infinite Stratos 2.0.

Of course, every government shat their pants when Dr. She-Evil also announced she had hundreds of the new robots ready to be sent for free to every nation in the world, even those which weren't recognized by the UN. Thankfully for the old overlords, the IS wouldn't be used as weapons after the Alaska Treaty, but everybody with half a brain knows it won't last forever. Thanks, Obama.

And since only women could use those strip-war machines, there have been claims of sudden female dominance, that instead of dicks slapping cunts for making their chicken cold, it was the other way around.

Well, those guys don't know shit!

I didn't feel like my life changed for the better. It didn't stop the many stepfathers my mom had from being dickheads, not that she was any better; it didn't stop my piece-of-shit gamer brother from trying to groom underage girls across the internet, and it sure as hell didn't stop our dumb countrymen from voting for a pedophile and rapist who was famous on TV.

Anyway, I wasn't that caring about all the above; I was just pissed at my family. After having to move and move again, I had finally found a place where we stood for two years, but then that fat degenerate shithead got us evicted for pirating awful breaktape mixes, and I wanted nothing to do with moving to another state again.

I said, "Fuck you, I'm living with Dad." He's just a neighborhood down. I put the boxes down, go over, knock on the door, and…

BOOM! A gunshot! My second Christmas killed himself! The floor was drenched in blood everywhere, and his suicide note was stuck on the fridge with a Cookie Monster magnet. All he wrote on it was, "Nicole's fault."

I'm Nicole, by the way. Hi. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO HIM!?

Anyway, I was pissed. I was going to leave again, but I wanted to stay away as much as I could, and I landed in the local mall, where some blonde bitch with a purse was busy talking about whatever rich hos liked to talk about, cocksure nothing bad would ever happen to her.

So I stole that bitch's purse. And I had to run away because she was a psychopath who pulled out a gun and tried to kill me. Just as I put my hand in the purse to see what she had before she killed me, my wrist caught something, and in a flash of light, I was armored with a legit IS. The psycho took a look at me, looked at the purse, and then ate her gun.

Great, two suicides in one day. Go Nicole.

Only then did I really realize I had a genuine Infinite Stratos in my hands. I could think of how many ways I could force my mom to remain here and become even more popular. Or…

I asked my robot if I could blow up all the Xbox consoles of the state as a fuck you to the fat fuck. The IS made a sort of magic EMP bomb, and suddenly lots of explosions covered the mall, and it didn't take much time until the news covered the 'Xboxcide' I caused. I felt that finally, nothing could stop me.

Sadly, it was then when the National Guard arrived, alongside the current USA IS Representative, and I didn't last ten seconds before I was shipped right into the Pentagon. There I was told that the blonde psycho I robbed was an agent of a terrorist group called Phantom Task, apparently some misandrist/neo-Nazi outfit that has been stealing robots all over the world ever since the IS became common knowledge. Then the MIB gave two options: either I enroll in the Infinite Stratos Academy in fucking Japan or spend the rest of my days in Guantanamo.

No shit. I choose Anime Land School.

I spent the next three months doing a crash course on how to control the war machine I stole and learning enough Japanese to not make an ass of myself. It was drilled in my head that while I could act like myself there, I had to win every time I was dragged to a duel; otherwise, I would be sharing a cell with angry Muslims surrounded by angry white guys who were surrounded by angry Cubans, so it was do or die, or just die.

So here I am, in a glorified boot camp for gladiator games made for horndogs and psychopaths, already warned that most of my future classmates were of questionable sanity at best, where teachers are allowed to beat the crap out of the students because that's the only way the future gladiatrixes won't try to destroy the world just because their boyfriends cheated on them or their favorite celebrity lost the Grammys again.

Oh, and suddenly a guy could pilot one of those robots too, and I was encouraged to get close to him to learn whatever secret allowed him to pilot the robots. For the Greater Good my ass…

They want a bitch to entertain themselves. Tough shit, I will give them a war.

AN: Decided to post this fic of mine here too, mostly to get the hang on how things work here for an eventual dip for plots too NSFW for SB. Regardless, please read and review.

 

[Andromeda Nuthead]

Chapter 1: The Beautiful People

First day in the Infinite Stratos Academy, and I'm already hating this place. One thing was being forced to wear uniforms again in an age where it was getting outdated outside of Catholic churches, but it also had those short skirts too. There must be some pedo involved in the ISA staff.

Anyway, we had to go to a train station where we took the trip towards the island where the ISA was situated, and we all had to wear the uniform if we wanted to get inside. I almost lost an empty space because I had to spend five minutes in the public bathroom doing an emergency change of clothes. Anyway, I was inside, looking to see if I could get a chance to at least have a quick smoke when some boy with a modified ISA uniform arrived at my space.

"Excuse me, can I sit here?" He asked.

"Fuck off, it's occupied."

"So is the rest of the train. You still have some seats free."

"If you're trying to get a date, you're failing miserably." He spluttered at my comment.

"What? No! I don't have plans to date anyone this soon."

I looked at his eyes. "Yeah, some boy in his teens getting inside in an all-girls won't get his dick hard at realizing the bounty he found himself in. Unless you're gay, of course."

"Well, there's a difference between sexual attraction and love. And I wasn't raised to abuse others." Well, this boy was less retarded than those back home if he recognized the difference.

"We shall see." I reply. "You can sit in front of me, but if you dare to do anything funny, you can say goodbye to your lineage."

"Thanks." He was scared of me, but took the seat anyway. "By the way, my name is Ichika."

"Did I fucking ask your name?" God, I really need that smoke.

"Are you always this mean?"

"I'm a sociopath; I cannot be not mean." The boy rolled his eyes.

"Self-diagnosis is harmful, you know?" He muttered to himself. So he did have something resembling a tongue.

"By the way, my name's Nicole." I decided to give him this win. "I hope we don't meet again."

I didn't realize it back then, but like Luigi, I won the first round by doing absolutely nothing.

---

Turns out, we both shared the same classroom, so unless either of us died or got expelled, we would be seeing each other for the three years the ISA enrolled its gladiatrixes. The big silver lining was that the island was fucking huge; thus it meant that once I found a supplier, I could get fucked up without getting caught by the teachers.

Anyway, I and Ichi Bitchy shared the 1-1 classroom, and it was full of weirdos. There was a girl wearing Pikachu-like pajamas, some samurai-looking bitch who I didn't know if she wanted to kill Ichika or jump his bones, and a Brit blonde ho who looked like a refugee from Candy Candy. That's without counting our teacher, Miss Yamada, who was a genuine green-haired dork with a massive track of lands, who was telling all of us to present ourselves to the rest of the class.

It was clear that our teacher was both a newbie and in dire need of getting laid.

The blonde, of course, carried herself like she was an especial envoy from the Queen herself; Pikachu barely stood up as she presented herself, and eventually it was my turn. I stood tall and looked my classmates in the eyes to dispel any bullshit about me.

"Hi, I'm Nicole Lovelock, IS Cadet Candidate of the USA. Frankly, I don't give a fuck about doing half-naked gladiator matches, but it was this or living with my fat pedophile brother and the bitch-whore of my mother for three more years, so here I am."

Needless to say, none of the students had anything to say. The teachers, on the other hand…

SMACK!

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK?!" I got my head pounded with a book!

"Language!" Someone who wasn't Green Gal shouted.

SMACK!

"What the shit?!"

SMACK!

"What the heck?!"

"Good enough." The big black-haired bitch finally left me be. "Now go to your seat. I hope the rest of your idiots know how to keep their mouths clean."
Suddenly, most of the classroom went screaming in delight, revealing the identity of the bitch who smacked me.

"KYAAAAAAAA! IT'S REALLY CHIFUYU-SAMA!"

"OH MY GOSH! I CAME…" Wait, what? "… ALL THE WAY FROM KITAYUSHU TO SEE YOU!"

"I'm so happy you will teach me, Chifuyu-sama~."

"I WILL DIE FOR YOU!"

Jesus, these girls were thirsty. At least Orimura the big bitch seemed to share my distaste for her fangirls, given she called them idiots to their faces. Anyway, the reason the first Brunhilde was here was because she and Yamada would spend the first semester teaching us the basics of IS combat and engineering, followed by kinesthetic training (read: don't drop your ass).

I think for most of my classmates, they were imagining Chifuyu smacking their butts for talking dirty to her instead of paying attention.

Now it was the turn of Orimura, the little bitch, to present himself.

"Hm… Well, I'm Orimura Ichika. It's nice to meet you all." There was a pause in the air. "That's all."

Everyone was murmuring if this was him trying to sound mysterious or if it was because he was being a dumbass.

"What the hell was that?!" His sister was of the latter opinion.

SMACK

He deserved that. Anyway, it was Samurai Bitch's turn.

"Hello, I am Shinonono Houki. I came here of my own will; I am ranked 2-dan in Kendo, and I aim to advance my rank next year. I also seek to improve my craft with the help of the Infinite Stratos, no matter how long it takes or the difficulties on my way. I'll be in your care and you on mine."

The girls clapped at Kendo girl, but something caught my attention. I checked my phone, and indeed, she was the sister of the lunatic who created the IS in the first place. I knew what to do.

"Shinonono? Shouldn't that be Shinonono-hime here?" I raised my hand.

"Eh…? Why?" Pikachu girl asked.

"Given that her sister is the current Master of all humanity, I'm sure that makes Kendo Girl her heir by default."

I could tell there was already steam coming out from her ears, and it wasn't because Orimura the Minor paid her a compliment. It was clear she had family issues back home.

"If you say anything more about me and that psycho," She glared at me. "I'll skewer you with my own shinai!"

"Guess I'm gonna die before Bitch Boy skewers you with his." The classmates either giggled or gasped in horror. The samurai bitch instead looked like she decided that right here, right now, I had to die.

SMACK

SMACK

Only for Orimura, the mayor was already smacking the killing intent away from both of us.

"If you two have an issue, then solve it in the arena." She said, then glared the rest into submission. "Now, can we please finish the presentation?"

---

The first class was simply the ABC of the Infinite Stratos for dummies, nothing I wasn't aware of thanks to those three fucking months in the Pentagon. Anyway, I noticed Shinonono was doing some gestures to Ichika to follow her, and so apparently a quarter of the school noticed too, given there was a horde of gossiping girls doing their best to stalk the pair talking on the rooftops.

"Oh right, I heard that you won the National Kendo Competition last year. Congratulations." Dude spoke. It was clear they knew each other long ago; otherwise, she wouldn't have blushed like a tomato for such a lame line.

"Oh my gosh, this is so romantic." Said some ho as we saw Princess asking how the hell Bitch Boy knew about her wood katana antics.

"Awww, he recognized her for her hair." Another bitch moaned.

"Oh my, they are childhood friends."

"Don't they always lose in romantic manga?"

"This is real life, bitch."

This was getting boring, so I pulled out my best Innocent Girl voice and acted like a drama queen. "Oh my gosh, just have sex already, you two!"
Princess immediately realized she was being watched, and check this, she pulled out a katana and jumped screaming, ready to make salami out of all the girls present.

"Houki, wait…!" But it was too late; she was already pursuing the onlookers who ran for dear life, while Bitch Boy followed her too. I stood behind and only decided to join once it was clear they wouldn't identify me.